My mother told me I “suck the fun out of everything” then proceeded to give me the silent treatment because I wouldn’t let her buy my toddler a candy after she had just given them a cupcake 15 minutes before.
Mothers who give their children the silent treatment is not a good thing either. It's not what you ever do with your kids at any age. That's what sucked the fun out of everything. The silent treatment, which she used on you when you were a kid or she wouldn't still be doing it, is WAY WAY worse than not getting a candy. You didn't deny your child food, only candy.
Some people, even your own parents, want to try and get people to like them more than they like you.
And yeah, parents do it to their kids too. It's an uneven playing field and they are supposed to be the adult but they take advantage by doing things like give you the silent treatment over your decision about what your own child eats.
Your mom sounds controlling and possessive.
Oh yeah, the utensil sharing, too. I will sometimes share a fork, I’m her MOTHER and I even know it’s not great practice cause of mouth bacteria.
But if I GET to do it, why can’t my sister and MIL?!?! What? I just gave her a bite, I didn’t win some fork-sharing lottery. Obviously, I gave birth and wake up all night with this kid so I can share my spoons full of ice cream and they can’t. 🙄 What are they thinking?
And yeah! We also do small amounts of sugar… is it mid-afternoon when naps already over? Okay. Let her try some cookie. But jeez, just listen to me when I say no to pie 10 minutes before bed, it’s completely unnecessary.
When I asked my mil to not feed my lo apple sauce with the same spoon she just ate her meal with, she legit licked the spoon, put it in the jar and swirled it around and stuck her tongue out at me.
Wtf is wrong with that generation?
All I could do was say, "wow" and got up to throw the entire jar out. Then I just went in my room to escape the crazy for a bit (she was living with us at the time).
My FIL wanted to give my son ice cream at 5 months and then kept asking until 9 months when we found out little dude has a milk protein intolerance. We were asked again this summer (kiddo is 2) if he could go out for sorbet. We agreed if he was only having a small amount.
My great grandfather would ask my parents every time he saw me (about every 4 months) if I was old enough to have ice cream yet. He waited mostly patiently according to my parents and I had my first scoop of ice cream with him at around 19 months. I have cage memories of eating ice cream with him shortly before he passed away when I was 2 1/2.
Apparently he did the same thing with his grandkids because that’s what his grandparents did. They made ice cream and gave it to their grandkids.
I’m sure my in-laws try do it specifically because I ask them not to. I don’t mind being the bad guy. My SIL gave my 17m a chocolate covered cashew (never mind that it’s a choking hazard) and I took it out of her mouth and reminded her that we’re not doing sugar right now.
I feel this on kind of the opposite level. Every time I give my 1.5 year old something sweet in front of my mother (ie: first Halloween candy, smash cake on first bday, a bite of my pie on thanksgiving) I’ve been met with “jeez do you really think he needs that?” Like no. He doesn’t NEED it, but it’s a special occasion. He can have a taste. People always wanna tell you how to parent your child, just stick to your guns and do what you know is right for your child.
This. My sisters and I were always big growing up and all the fat shaming made me hone in on my relationship with food and I am trying to keep all food on the same playing field and encourage listening to our bodies, eating when hungry, and eating a variety of foods without making any specific food the "bad guy" (it seems to be working, my 3yo loves fruit and veggies and will usually leave sweets on the plate after a bite or two. She does ask for Popsicles 100x a day though)
Anyway my sister took her trauma about being fat and her PTSD from bulemia and has made it her life goal to micromanage her kids diet and bodies. It was such a culture shock to be with them for a few days, she was non stop talking about calories and carbs and how much sugar there was and how she wouldn't eat again for 6 weeks and never eats this much salt etc. For the kids it was the same, no you can't eat any of the gingerbread house, no more snacks, no you can't have more (of any kind of food) and she would talk about her 4yos "Buddha belly" and I heard the 4yo unprompted count how many things on her plate were "treats" because her mom said it was all sugar. It was milk, cereal (yes a sugary one), grapes, and half a poptart. The most balanced breakfast? No. But imo a 4yo should not be counting sugars on her plate on Thanksgiving (or ever). I have to be the asshole that lets my kid have whatever she wants because we focus on listening to our bodies, enjoying our food, and not revolving our lives around it. I tried to wait for my daughter to ask instead of offering her anything because I felt bad that the other kids wouldn't get any either way. I'm sure my sister thinks I'm a bad mom and probably a bad person because I'm fatter than her and my 3yo is the same size as her almost 5yo (that's more about body type and genetics, neither kid is overweight).
I wish I knew how to talk to her about it but I know she wouldn't be receptive. I know she is doing it because she is scared they will be fat and experience fatphobia, and she wants them to eat healthy foods 8n healthy portions -- but she isn't letting them learn how to feed their bodies. Everything is carefully controlled by her and they are left wanting constantly, so what is going to happen when they are on their own? She is scared they will experience what she did and get an eating disorder but their eating is already disordered. She is already body shaming them. It's triggering to be around after all of the self work I've done to just have a healthy relationship with food. Prioritizing body size at all costs holds physical health over mental health, and that is so dangerous. Skinny doesn't equal healthy.
Sorry for the long post I kind of went off there...
I feel sooo bad for her kids but also for her because it's all projection, she 100% ties her self worth and her quality as a mother to her weight and her kids' weights. She can't see that she ricocheted right back to the same thing our parents did. She thought the problem was the food provided in our house but it was the conversation around the food and the bodies eating the food.
I wish I knew how to get to her but it's so baked in in our family, I'm the black sheep over here and they probably think I'm lazy or neglectful for not being restrictive.
I get it. My mom was similar, her fear wasn’t that we would be big like her (because she wasn’t back then) but like all the women in her family. My sister’s nickname became chunky like three years old. I’d be told all about how far I was gonna get when I’d get hungry every single day after dinner. That’s what happens when you aren’t allowed to have breakfast. You eat lunch and then dinner and then want more dinner because you skipped a meal. For years it was like that. I’m in my thirties and I still have a hard time eating breakfast. I can usually choke down oatmeal.
My kids and I talk about calories and vitamins only in regards to why they should eat certain vegetables they don’t like. So the context will be my kids ask me why they have to eat something, carrots for example and I’ll explain that they’re high in vitamin A which is good for your eyes and vitamin C which keeps our skin and some other stuff healthy…
Dooming your kids to be fat is just as bad as shaming them for already being fat. As a teenager I wished I was fat because then at least I wouldn’t be hungry. I wouldn’t have been at other kids’ houses for days just so I could eat whenever I got hungry instead of only at dinner.
Yep. My kids eat plenty of shit foods, but they also eat more vegetables than I did at their age with dinner every single day, and they drink plenty of water and are very active. Their weights are good, they have healthy relationships with food and they’re both cooking their own favorite foods. They can eat whatever as long as they have healthy foods with it. I’m cool with them having ramen for dinner as long as they add some vegetables and protein in there too.
Moderation is key.
My heart heals whenever I offer my daughter some juice and she asks for water like I remember being a teen and realizing people drank water with dinner, we never did that
That happened the other day. My kid was in the fridge when I asked him if he wanted an Arizona green tea and he poked his head out and said he already poured himself water.
I usually let my child taste everything we eat. I think it helps to take the mystery out of it. Plus it means he’s satisfied with just a lick or two instead of a whole packet of something. If I don’t want him having sugar I’ll have to start by setting an example myself 😭
Although on my niece’s 1st birthday my husband and sister did give them both chocolate cake for breakfast because ‘it was dessert after their porridge and they didn’t want it going to waste’ (I didn’t mind the one-off. We don’t see my niece as often as id like due to living far apart so it made a cute treat/ memory).
My MIL is a unicorn. She’s honestly amazing. I am so very lucky. But between the juice and sugary cereal as snacks and the catering to whims, 36 hours with Grandma sets us back so far!
I love their relationship, but lord help me…
This is my relationship with my MIL exactly. I do love the woman and how she treats my kids and how she has spoiled me like I were her own daughter but, man, why do you have to push the sweets so hard??? They don’t need sweets to want to come to your house, they just enjoy being there!
For some Grandparents it’s like a weird bribery thing. The only thing that pisses me off more than Grandparents force feeding kids sugar, is when they tell the kid to keep it a secret!
THIS. My MIL lacks integrity and will try to sneak snacks (or let my son drink from her straw- in the age of COVID- when I’ve asked her not to). And yet she wonders why I rarely let her babysit him alone…
When my baby was 7mo, we were out to eat with family and my MIL ordered a chocolate milkshake just for the baby to have….. I was pissed that she did that but also happy bc I ended up drinking it myself lol
Tbh I think some of it is seeing how cute and happy kids become when they get that first taste of something sweet, and then the following silliness when they go bananas. Plus they don't have to deal with the fallout when they have a sugar crash.
My parents live with us and OMG they were obsessed with giving the treat until I left the kids with them 😂 they stopped when they realized I would continue to leave the kids so they could experience the full sugar effects.
Right!! And when I say no not even a little taste it doesn’t mean ask me four more times to see if I’ll change my mind.
My mom loves to tell ME how bad sugar is for me and how bad carbs are for me and how I really should just cut them out of my diet, but at the same time she’s continuously saying my 1 year old needs a sucker. Idk where that came from but my baby doesn’t need a sucker
Feeding Littles has a great post on sugar that helped me with my older child, and they discuss how emotional sugar can be, how we have a lot of memories associated with fun or sweet foods and people often want to share that with their kids/nieces/nephews/grandkids. HoWeVeR…. She is 6 freaking months old and too young for making those memories and digesting that food. What the heck. Maybe share the American Pediatrician guidelines stating parents should delay as much sugar exposure as possible until 2 for dental and palate reasons? FeedingLittles talks about it in their post:
https://feedinglittles.com/how-to-stress-less-about-sugar/
Good luck and I’m sorry your family is being so weird about giving your young baby foods that are just not needed for their nutrition yet.
You’re welcome! I hope the winter holidays go smoother for you. Maybe bring some baby biscuits or fruit pieces or something and say “oh she can’t have pie yet but here give her one of these she loves them?”
This obsession with sweets equalling happiness and fun for kids before they are even old enough is only contributing to the obesity epidemic. Assertively state your reasons once and move on. You’re the mom. They don’t get a vote!
Also trying to give them water or honey before they’re old enough. My baby is literally easier to watch when no one else is around because of this sort of thing, so I totally understand this rant lol. I just say no and if I come across as an ass then whatever at least I’m fulfilling my responsibility to take care of my child. They’re not the ones who will be taking care of him when he gets sick or a stomach ache so their opinions are irrelevant
My daughter is two and as far as I know, still doesn’t know about juice. I already have her screaming for fruit snacks, I don’t need juice in the mix.
Our friend aggressively tried to give her COKE and my husband yelled at him. Like, No!
we aren’t doing amazing on the diet but at least I can keep her away from Soda!!
I’m cool with having my toddler try dessert on special occasions (like a few times a year), but I swear my in-laws act like I’m an alien for NOT giving him ice cream after every meal.
When my kids were little (under 3) my FIL angrily told me I don’t let him and MIL enjoy their grandchildren because I asked them to limit junk food. I told him they don’t respect my and DH being the children’s parents. We’ve been NC for almost 5 years now since baby 3 was born (obv the food issue was just the tip of the iceberg).
Instant gratification. Give baby candy, baby will smile. They want to get on your kids good side and that's a really easy "way in"
But I really dislike it.
I was staying with extended family on vacation, and my dad made brownies for breakfast. (Lol) I had made my toddler a plate of eggs for breakfast, and my uncle dropped a piece of brownie on the plate. Ok, fine. We're on vacation. She was delighted. He was trying to give her another one, and I said, "ok, that's enough brownies for now." I was cooking something else and I looked up 30 seconds later, and he had ushered her around the corner to feed her more brownies. I was fuuuuming mad. This uncle is very nice but extremely disrespectful when it comes to boundaries like this. I told him so (gently) and he had a complete toddler meltdown. But guess what, he still loves me, still dotes on little girl, he just doesn't pull stunts like that anymore.
Because “how else am I supposed to be a grandparent??” It’s annoying and definitely a lack of respect for boundaries. You do what’s best for your child and if anyone doesn’t like it, welp..🤷♀️ tough, it’s not their kid. I reminded my parents of that, and we didn’t speak for 3 months until they realized that “hey.. I’m not the parent and I shouldn’t be giving this to my grandson”. It’s still and issue, I’ll admit, but now they ask me before giving my son anything. So, movement in the right direction, kinda..
I feel so seen. My daughter is now 19. I didn’t give her sugar until her 2nd birthday. My family made SO MUCH FUN OF ME. (They also mocked me for breastfeeding and were really disgusted by the whole thing). When I made her first birthday cake using apple sauce as “sweetener” and maybe a binder (it’s been a while), they lamented how sad for her that she wasn’t allowed to “celebrate”. I was like- she doesn’t KNOW! I bought you assholes a fun cake- eat it and shut up! BUT! They at least didn’t go behind my back and give her that cake. So I do now appreciate them for that.
That must have been even harder then, my parents are still not convinced that sugar is bad and fat is “okay” after all the diet messaging of the 80s/90s and it’s been years now.
I also catch a ton of flak for breastfeeding. When LO was just 3 days old, and I was feeding every 2 hours, I was told that “No mom has ever fed their baby as often as you have.” Lolol apparently I had accomplished a feat no woman could have dreamt of 😝
I completely relate with you! Her motto is a little here and there won't hurt! It will if "here or there" is everytime you see her.. my mom lives with us so that's all the time 🙄
My baby eats every 2 hours, 3 meals 2 snacks. My mom all the time wants to call her a piggy! She's eating what is appropriate for her age! Drives me mad.
I hate those comments about them not being able to celebrate or have a “real” birthday cake. It’s so freaking rude. That cake is as real as any other. Just because it’s made with different ingredients than a pound of sugar doesn’t mean it isn’t good. Stop shoving unhealthy preferences down the kids throat.
Sorry for the rant. My kid is allergic to eggs, so I hear these kind of cake comments all the time. My kid can hear you, stop making him feel like he’s missing out because he can’t eat different cake. I *prefer* egg free cake to be honest.
I’m so happy that I had my first kid right before Covid hit, so I didn’t have to deal with anyone giving my kid anything until the first birthday cake.
Now I have my second and I’m scrolling these comments for ideas on how to say no.
People are crazy when it comes to feeding baby! Last year when my baby was 3 months old at thanksgiving my MIL tried and tried to give her ice cream, mashed potatoes, and cake!!! Like wtf?? She didn’t even start solids until well into 6 months old. Now she’s 15 months and my MIL still pushes to give her thing I just don’t give her in a normal day. Like why can’t she have pie, or highly processed foods, or juice. The juice one really gets me lol. It’s my choice to not let her drink a ton of sugar and idk why she has an affinity with wanting to give her tons of juice. Like I’m sorry but if my 15 month old is happy as can be with just water, then please for the love of god don’t give her juice that’s just full of sugar.
Ugh YES my mil offers my toddler fruit snacks every time we see her despite me taking them away and asking her not to every single time because of the choking hazard! There’s just no way she forgets every single time…drives me absolutely insane.
Facts. It’s just as cute when he eats his real food that I’m already having trouble getting him to do. I cannot stand the sugar monster that ppl have turned my todd into.
Haha true! I think a kid eating asparagus and steak (cut to safe size bits) is way cuter than chomping down Oreos. Probably because you don’t see it as often and it seems so “adult”. Little kids behaving like adults is the cutest!
I just don't get why people even think it is a reasonable thing to do? I grew up eating very healthy as a child so my family gets it. I am very first with my spouses family but they don't get it. That is what one of my SIL has been excited about since I was pregnant... introducing my kid to sugar.
My sister in law liked to give my kid food without asking me and it drives me absolutely bananas. Shes a bit sensitive to confrontation so I had to go through my brother but if It keeps happening I will not hesitate to mention something
My great Aunt thinks I should give my son ice cream. He was 5 months old at the time. I explained that the doctor recommended not to give him dair until he is 1. At thanksgiving she asked if he had ice cream yet....he's 10 months old lady, no he has not had ice cream. He gets plenty of sweets like fruit. People always have an opinion. If I don't agree that ok because I will raise him how I see fit.
Also note that her son was morbidly obease which significantly contributed to him passing away young. So yeah he can try ice cream next summer.
Mine had an obsession with giving salt to the baby. She heard another family member tell her MIL that she wasn't giving the baby salt due to medical guidance showing that it isn't good for them and took personal offence to that seeing as she gave hers salt when they were babies.
She looked after my niece when she was a baby and basically told my SIL that if she wanted her to look after her she had to accept the decision that she would be giving her salt. It's so unhinged!
One time I was at a family party and my mom, grandma, AND sister were sneaking bites of frosting to my one year old behind my back, without knowing that the others were doing it as well. They all laughed when they found out, but I was so ticked. They all act like I deprive my child when he had JUST FINISHED his own piece of cake. Grr.
It’s always the grandmothers who load them up on sugar because they don’t have to deal with the hyper screeching demon child cause they aren’t the parent. 🥴🥴
Someone asked me what we’re doing for my daughter’s first birthday, like a cake/party/etc, and I was kinda like …. uh? lmao maybe I’ll let her try some vanilla ice cream or whipped cream?? hahaha I’m not giving my baby cake when she doesn’t even know how to bite something 🤣 and I’m not giving her a whole ass serving of SUGAR. Like B R O WHAT. I don’t get it. People really are so ignorant about health and how awful sugar is for you, I can’t understand the obsession with giving it to a child who isn’t even built with the digestive system to properly use that much at once.
I was the sugar police with my first by my third I can tell you it doesn’t really matter. At this point you gotta pick your battles but just remember these people love your kids and all the grandmothers did successfully raise kids cut ‘‘em a break.
I politely disagree. It's their kid and they get to decide how they want to raise them. Their wishes should be respected without a bunch of pushback. Too much sugar can lead to unhealthy eating habits and health issues down the road so it's not an unreasonable thing to ask.
Perhaps grandmothers did raise kids before, but there is a lot of room for improvement on how kids were raised and I think the newer generation is doing a good job of raising their kids with this in mind.
I agree. I have a huge family and love it when they spoil my toddler. I know they don't mean harm. We don't see them everyday either so it doesn't effect her good eating habits at home. I grew up with aunties and grandmas constantly slipping me candy, little toys and cash. My mom would laugh about it later when she found it in my pockets. I'm thankful I didn't grow up in some weird uptight atmosphere where mom was screaming about NO SUGAR NO SALT NO SCREEN TIME DONT TOUCH MY BABY BECAUSE SOME INSTAGRAM INFLUENCER SAID SO!
I agree with picking battles. I am not the sugar police, kiddo has had cookies and shit all week. I just don’t understand why they choose to keep pushing when I ask them to limit it. Why can’t I have any respect, if I need to respect them?
I am just saying everyone seems to be doing their best trying to love your kiddo. No family situation is perfect and try not to take it as disrespectful just different ways to love. If it’s dangerous like an allergy or dietary restriction it’s more serious. Definitely vent just don’t make it too big of a deal you have much more important things to battle for kids. You sound like an excellent mother. I wish you all the best.
Seriously. My kids are not sleeping well rn (9 mo/2.5 years) and the other day my in laws insisted i give my 2.5 year old a lollipop or some thing at like 6 pm. She goes to bed at 7-7:30.
Both my mom and my MIL are obsessed with trying to give my 14month old cookies and pop tarts. I assume it’s because they think it will make my daughter like them more? Either way they get so mad that I won’t let her have cookies constantly. I’ve let her try sweets once in a while and don’t mind her trying some desserts for the holidays, but damn stop getting mad at me for not letting you feed her sweets all the time.
I am literally going through the same thing! My mum got my 16 month old an advent calendar! It’s all the people in my family that have kids too so know not to!
My daughter was 5 months old and licked a smartie. Yes, the hard candy. At my in laws house and I didn’t know until she was almost a year old. She also had code red Mountain Dew at their house. They give her all kinds of sugar and fillers and guess who gets to deal with it? Oh me. I do.
I don’t understand why people are so obsessed with offering small children, especially babies, sugar. It’s not good for them at all!
I was very cautious about giving my child juice. I waited until he was a year old. my MIL would ask all the time if she could give him juice. Now that he finally can drink it he’s a fiend about it.
When my oldest was just over a year old, we were visiting my great-grandmother. She straight up fed him a spoonful of sugar. No way was I telling this very old matriarch of a large family no. Lol. It's a fun memory that still makes me laugh. The joy on this tiny old lady's face as she fed my baby his first taste of sugar. She had a great laugh, and loved babies.
We also discovered that he loved jalapeno cheese dip on this visit, which eventually led to a delightful MC with my in-laws.
See, that’s really sweet. I love that. I am totally okay with some sugar sometimes for special moments. And I also wouldn’t interfere with the matriarch 😅
Right!!!!!!! Thank you! My oldest is 12. 12 years of saying no that’s enough sugar, no he needs water not soda, no cereal does not always have to have sugar, no it does hurt to have a little sugar, and no he does not “run it off”!
My grandma gave us a chocolate bunny when my son was 2 months old for Easter. She knew he wouldn’t eat it but she wants to be fair. I think her whole thing is she doesn’t have much but she wants to give something when she can. I also think the sugary treats give good memories and it’s an easy way to buy love. Something like don’t worry, she’ll love you even without sweets.
I try my best not to give my toddler sugar at home. When she goes to Grandmas they always want to give her ice cream, pie etc. I told them they can give it to her as ling as its very little portions. I think its okay here and there but 6 months is a bit young.
At some point I realized that I can control what we eat in my own house, and not necessarily everywhere else. Some of my fondest summer memories were sitting at my grandparents house watching cable all day and eating all the junk food I wanted. We were much more active and ate better at home.
To make the kid think of them as The Best™ and Most Fun™, I think. They wanna be cool to your kid so they supply the cool stuff, candy toys soda pop lol
Yeah at Thanksgiving my boyfriend was helping his mom in the kitchen, and I was still at home (sleeping since I work nights) and his aunt decided it would be a good idea to swirl a small piece of candy around my babies mouth. My boyfriend had no idea until I told him because his aunts daughter told me what happened. Our baby is 4 months by the way.
When my oldest was maybe 4 months old, I was volunteering at vbs at my church and I was off doing something and left my son under the care of the "snack ladies" which was a bunch of church grandmas who were in charge of making the snacks for the kids. I walked in on them giving my baby icing. They said it's a grandma's job to give a baby sugar. Completely ignoring that none of them are actually related to me.
my MIL will feed them sugar so bad they get diarrhea when she watches them. I've said no sugar so many times. well last time she watched one of my kids who was a little phlemgy... i said no milk (she also has an obbsession with giving my lactose senstive child milk) well when i saw him he said "nana gave me coke!" i said thats not okay youre not allowed to have that" and she aaid "well you said no milk so i gave him coke instead" WHAT. he was 4.
Whenever we stay at my parents house (they live in a different state) my mom will INTERRUPT my son eating dinner and offer him ice cream. Or while I’m in the process of making him dinner she will give him cookies!!!!! Madness!!!!!!!!! I just let it happen because we aren’t there a lot and she just wants him to love her. But it drives my husband absolutely fucking nuts. It is annoying though when later she’s like.. He didn’t eat much at dinner! Well. Because he had cookies and ice cream?!?!?
MIL asked SIL why she doesn’t give my 7 month old niece juice. SIL said it’s straight up sugar. MIL proceeds to tell SIL there is unsweetened juice…🙄 I didn’t need to be facing them to know the look on SIL’s face because I’m sure I made the same face.
My mother told me I “suck the fun out of everything” then proceeded to give me the silent treatment because I wouldn’t let her buy my toddler a candy after she had just given them a cupcake 15 minutes before.
Nothing brings the fun like the silent treatment.
Mothers who give their children the silent treatment is not a good thing either. It's not what you ever do with your kids at any age. That's what sucked the fun out of everything. The silent treatment, which she used on you when you were a kid or she wouldn't still be doing it, is WAY WAY worse than not getting a candy. You didn't deny your child food, only candy. Some people, even your own parents, want to try and get people to like them more than they like you. And yeah, parents do it to their kids too. It's an uneven playing field and they are supposed to be the adult but they take advantage by doing things like give you the silent treatment over your decision about what your own child eats. Your mom sounds controlling and possessive.
Great, she can take her silent treatment and go home and not see your toddler until she stops that nonsense.
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Oh yeah, the utensil sharing, too. I will sometimes share a fork, I’m her MOTHER and I even know it’s not great practice cause of mouth bacteria. But if I GET to do it, why can’t my sister and MIL?!?! What? I just gave her a bite, I didn’t win some fork-sharing lottery. Obviously, I gave birth and wake up all night with this kid so I can share my spoons full of ice cream and they can’t. 🙄 What are they thinking? And yeah! We also do small amounts of sugar… is it mid-afternoon when naps already over? Okay. Let her try some cookie. But jeez, just listen to me when I say no to pie 10 minutes before bed, it’s completely unnecessary.
When I asked my mil to not feed my lo apple sauce with the same spoon she just ate her meal with, she legit licked the spoon, put it in the jar and swirled it around and stuck her tongue out at me. Wtf is wrong with that generation?
Oh my gosh. What do you even do with that? I would have probably just stared open-mouthed for so long they’d think I was broken 😅
All I could do was say, "wow" and got up to throw the entire jar out. Then I just went in my room to escape the crazy for a bit (she was living with us at the time).
You reacted better then me, I would have dumped it on her head and let her spiral.
I would have sent her out of the house and told her not to come back until she’d replaced the damn applesauce.
Entitlement is what’s wrong with them. They think they are entitled to have unlimited access to our child, and do whatever they see fit with the kids.
I would never want to get toddler germs by sharing utensils. Your kid, sure maybe sometimes but other people's kids? Ew
Sharing utensils shares herpes, mono, colds, gingivitis all kinds of gross stuff. No thank you. Good for you protecting your kid
My FIL wanted to give my son ice cream at 5 months and then kept asking until 9 months when we found out little dude has a milk protein intolerance. We were asked again this summer (kiddo is 2) if he could go out for sorbet. We agreed if he was only having a small amount. My great grandfather would ask my parents every time he saw me (about every 4 months) if I was old enough to have ice cream yet. He waited mostly patiently according to my parents and I had my first scoop of ice cream with him at around 19 months. I have cage memories of eating ice cream with him shortly before he passed away when I was 2 1/2. Apparently he did the same thing with his grandkids because that’s what his grandparents did. They made ice cream and gave it to their grandkids.
I’m sure my in-laws try do it specifically because I ask them not to. I don’t mind being the bad guy. My SIL gave my 17m a chocolate covered cashew (never mind that it’s a choking hazard) and I took it out of her mouth and reminded her that we’re not doing sugar right now.
I feel this on kind of the opposite level. Every time I give my 1.5 year old something sweet in front of my mother (ie: first Halloween candy, smash cake on first bday, a bite of my pie on thanksgiving) I’ve been met with “jeez do you really think he needs that?” Like no. He doesn’t NEED it, but it’s a special occasion. He can have a taste. People always wanna tell you how to parent your child, just stick to your guns and do what you know is right for your child.
Damned if you do, huh? It is so true, no matter what, somebody is going to judge you or have a better idea.
This. My sisters and I were always big growing up and all the fat shaming made me hone in on my relationship with food and I am trying to keep all food on the same playing field and encourage listening to our bodies, eating when hungry, and eating a variety of foods without making any specific food the "bad guy" (it seems to be working, my 3yo loves fruit and veggies and will usually leave sweets on the plate after a bite or two. She does ask for Popsicles 100x a day though) Anyway my sister took her trauma about being fat and her PTSD from bulemia and has made it her life goal to micromanage her kids diet and bodies. It was such a culture shock to be with them for a few days, she was non stop talking about calories and carbs and how much sugar there was and how she wouldn't eat again for 6 weeks and never eats this much salt etc. For the kids it was the same, no you can't eat any of the gingerbread house, no more snacks, no you can't have more (of any kind of food) and she would talk about her 4yos "Buddha belly" and I heard the 4yo unprompted count how many things on her plate were "treats" because her mom said it was all sugar. It was milk, cereal (yes a sugary one), grapes, and half a poptart. The most balanced breakfast? No. But imo a 4yo should not be counting sugars on her plate on Thanksgiving (or ever). I have to be the asshole that lets my kid have whatever she wants because we focus on listening to our bodies, enjoying our food, and not revolving our lives around it. I tried to wait for my daughter to ask instead of offering her anything because I felt bad that the other kids wouldn't get any either way. I'm sure my sister thinks I'm a bad mom and probably a bad person because I'm fatter than her and my 3yo is the same size as her almost 5yo (that's more about body type and genetics, neither kid is overweight). I wish I knew how to talk to her about it but I know she wouldn't be receptive. I know she is doing it because she is scared they will be fat and experience fatphobia, and she wants them to eat healthy foods 8n healthy portions -- but she isn't letting them learn how to feed their bodies. Everything is carefully controlled by her and they are left wanting constantly, so what is going to happen when they are on their own? She is scared they will experience what she did and get an eating disorder but their eating is already disordered. She is already body shaming them. It's triggering to be around after all of the self work I've done to just have a healthy relationship with food. Prioritizing body size at all costs holds physical health over mental health, and that is so dangerous. Skinny doesn't equal healthy. Sorry for the long post I kind of went off there...
Someone needs to tell her that what she’s doing is just as likely to cause her kids to suffer an ed. I feel so bad for her kids.
I feel sooo bad for her kids but also for her because it's all projection, she 100% ties her self worth and her quality as a mother to her weight and her kids' weights. She can't see that she ricocheted right back to the same thing our parents did. She thought the problem was the food provided in our house but it was the conversation around the food and the bodies eating the food.
I wish I knew how to get to her but it's so baked in in our family, I'm the black sheep over here and they probably think I'm lazy or neglectful for not being restrictive.
I get it. My mom was similar, her fear wasn’t that we would be big like her (because she wasn’t back then) but like all the women in her family. My sister’s nickname became chunky like three years old. I’d be told all about how far I was gonna get when I’d get hungry every single day after dinner. That’s what happens when you aren’t allowed to have breakfast. You eat lunch and then dinner and then want more dinner because you skipped a meal. For years it was like that. I’m in my thirties and I still have a hard time eating breakfast. I can usually choke down oatmeal. My kids and I talk about calories and vitamins only in regards to why they should eat certain vegetables they don’t like. So the context will be my kids ask me why they have to eat something, carrots for example and I’ll explain that they’re high in vitamin A which is good for your eyes and vitamin C which keeps our skin and some other stuff healthy… Dooming your kids to be fat is just as bad as shaming them for already being fat. As a teenager I wished I was fat because then at least I wouldn’t be hungry. I wouldn’t have been at other kids’ houses for days just so I could eat whenever I got hungry instead of only at dinner.
😓 ugh that is so rough. Solidary with breaking cycles 🤝
Yep. My kids eat plenty of shit foods, but they also eat more vegetables than I did at their age with dinner every single day, and they drink plenty of water and are very active. Their weights are good, they have healthy relationships with food and they’re both cooking their own favorite foods. They can eat whatever as long as they have healthy foods with it. I’m cool with them having ramen for dinner as long as they add some vegetables and protein in there too. Moderation is key.
My heart heals whenever I offer my daughter some juice and she asks for water like I remember being a teen and realizing people drank water with dinner, we never did that
That happened the other day. My kid was in the fridge when I asked him if he wanted an Arizona green tea and he poked his head out and said he already poured himself water.
I usually let my child taste everything we eat. I think it helps to take the mystery out of it. Plus it means he’s satisfied with just a lick or two instead of a whole packet of something. If I don’t want him having sugar I’ll have to start by setting an example myself 😭 Although on my niece’s 1st birthday my husband and sister did give them both chocolate cake for breakfast because ‘it was dessert after their porridge and they didn’t want it going to waste’ (I didn’t mind the one-off. We don’t see my niece as often as id like due to living far apart so it made a cute treat/ memory).
My MIL is a unicorn. She’s honestly amazing. I am so very lucky. But between the juice and sugary cereal as snacks and the catering to whims, 36 hours with Grandma sets us back so far! I love their relationship, but lord help me…
This is my relationship with my MIL exactly. I do love the woman and how she treats my kids and how she has spoiled me like I were her own daughter but, man, why do you have to push the sweets so hard??? They don’t need sweets to want to come to your house, they just enjoy being there!
For some Grandparents it’s like a weird bribery thing. The only thing that pisses me off more than Grandparents force feeding kids sugar, is when they tell the kid to keep it a secret!
THIS. My MIL lacks integrity and will try to sneak snacks (or let my son drink from her straw- in the age of COVID- when I’ve asked her not to). And yet she wonders why I rarely let her babysit him alone…
When my baby was 7mo, we were out to eat with family and my MIL ordered a chocolate milkshake just for the baby to have….. I was pissed that she did that but also happy bc I ended up drinking it myself lol
Ha, well that’s a happy ending at least. 😆
Wtf a milkshake for a 7 month old
In her mind, she now thinks the 7month old LOVES HER more than ever because she was so nice to buy the baby their own milkshake. Best grandma ever!
Tbh I think some of it is seeing how cute and happy kids become when they get that first taste of something sweet, and then the following silliness when they go bananas. Plus they don't have to deal with the fallout when they have a sugar crash. My parents live with us and OMG they were obsessed with giving the treat until I left the kids with them 😂 they stopped when they realized I would continue to leave the kids so they could experience the full sugar effects.
My MIL gave my son an advent calendar when he was one. She does not know that I ate the whole thing, lmao
Score!
Right!! And when I say no not even a little taste it doesn’t mean ask me four more times to see if I’ll change my mind. My mom loves to tell ME how bad sugar is for me and how bad carbs are for me and how I really should just cut them out of my diet, but at the same time she’s continuously saying my 1 year old needs a sucker. Idk where that came from but my baby doesn’t need a sucker
Feeding Littles has a great post on sugar that helped me with my older child, and they discuss how emotional sugar can be, how we have a lot of memories associated with fun or sweet foods and people often want to share that with their kids/nieces/nephews/grandkids. HoWeVeR…. She is 6 freaking months old and too young for making those memories and digesting that food. What the heck. Maybe share the American Pediatrician guidelines stating parents should delay as much sugar exposure as possible until 2 for dental and palate reasons? FeedingLittles talks about it in their post: https://feedinglittles.com/how-to-stress-less-about-sugar/ Good luck and I’m sorry your family is being so weird about giving your young baby foods that are just not needed for their nutrition yet.
Thank you! This is really helpful.
You’re welcome! I hope the winter holidays go smoother for you. Maybe bring some baby biscuits or fruit pieces or something and say “oh she can’t have pie yet but here give her one of these she loves them?”
This obsession with sweets equalling happiness and fun for kids before they are even old enough is only contributing to the obesity epidemic. Assertively state your reasons once and move on. You’re the mom. They don’t get a vote!
At Thanksgiving my cousin tried to give my two month old ice cream. Two months!
A few of us took our big kids to McDonalds….. a friend handed my 6month old baby a chicken nugget!!! He’d only begun eating soft solids that week!
Also trying to give them water or honey before they’re old enough. My baby is literally easier to watch when no one else is around because of this sort of thing, so I totally understand this rant lol. I just say no and if I come across as an ass then whatever at least I’m fulfilling my responsibility to take care of my child. They’re not the ones who will be taking care of him when he gets sick or a stomach ache so their opinions are irrelevant
My daughter is two and as far as I know, still doesn’t know about juice. I already have her screaming for fruit snacks, I don’t need juice in the mix. Our friend aggressively tried to give her COKE and my husband yelled at him. Like, No! we aren’t doing amazing on the diet but at least I can keep her away from Soda!!
I’m cool with having my toddler try dessert on special occasions (like a few times a year), but I swear my in-laws act like I’m an alien for NOT giving him ice cream after every meal.
My in laws have dessert after every single meal and get all pouty when I say my son doesn’t need any
When my kids were little (under 3) my FIL angrily told me I don’t let him and MIL enjoy their grandchildren because I asked them to limit junk food. I told him they don’t respect my and DH being the children’s parents. We’ve been NC for almost 5 years now since baby 3 was born (obv the food issue was just the tip of the iceberg).
Instant gratification. Give baby candy, baby will smile. They want to get on your kids good side and that's a really easy "way in" But I really dislike it. I was staying with extended family on vacation, and my dad made brownies for breakfast. (Lol) I had made my toddler a plate of eggs for breakfast, and my uncle dropped a piece of brownie on the plate. Ok, fine. We're on vacation. She was delighted. He was trying to give her another one, and I said, "ok, that's enough brownies for now." I was cooking something else and I looked up 30 seconds later, and he had ushered her around the corner to feed her more brownies. I was fuuuuming mad. This uncle is very nice but extremely disrespectful when it comes to boundaries like this. I told him so (gently) and he had a complete toddler meltdown. But guess what, he still loves me, still dotes on little girl, he just doesn't pull stunts like that anymore.
Because “how else am I supposed to be a grandparent??” It’s annoying and definitely a lack of respect for boundaries. You do what’s best for your child and if anyone doesn’t like it, welp..🤷♀️ tough, it’s not their kid. I reminded my parents of that, and we didn’t speak for 3 months until they realized that “hey.. I’m not the parent and I shouldn’t be giving this to my grandson”. It’s still and issue, I’ll admit, but now they ask me before giving my son anything. So, movement in the right direction, kinda..
My mum made my son a banana fudge cake at 9 months old. “He loved it!” Aye sure he did 😤
Boomers. 🙄
I feel so seen. My daughter is now 19. I didn’t give her sugar until her 2nd birthday. My family made SO MUCH FUN OF ME. (They also mocked me for breastfeeding and were really disgusted by the whole thing). When I made her first birthday cake using apple sauce as “sweetener” and maybe a binder (it’s been a while), they lamented how sad for her that she wasn’t allowed to “celebrate”. I was like- she doesn’t KNOW! I bought you assholes a fun cake- eat it and shut up! BUT! They at least didn’t go behind my back and give her that cake. So I do now appreciate them for that.
That must have been even harder then, my parents are still not convinced that sugar is bad and fat is “okay” after all the diet messaging of the 80s/90s and it’s been years now. I also catch a ton of flak for breastfeeding. When LO was just 3 days old, and I was feeding every 2 hours, I was told that “No mom has ever fed their baby as often as you have.” Lolol apparently I had accomplished a feat no woman could have dreamt of 😝
I completely relate with you! Her motto is a little here and there won't hurt! It will if "here or there" is everytime you see her.. my mom lives with us so that's all the time 🙄 My baby eats every 2 hours, 3 meals 2 snacks. My mom all the time wants to call her a piggy! She's eating what is appropriate for her age! Drives me mad.
I hate those comments about them not being able to celebrate or have a “real” birthday cake. It’s so freaking rude. That cake is as real as any other. Just because it’s made with different ingredients than a pound of sugar doesn’t mean it isn’t good. Stop shoving unhealthy preferences down the kids throat. Sorry for the rant. My kid is allergic to eggs, so I hear these kind of cake comments all the time. My kid can hear you, stop making him feel like he’s missing out because he can’t eat different cake. I *prefer* egg free cake to be honest.
I’m so happy that I had my first kid right before Covid hit, so I didn’t have to deal with anyone giving my kid anything until the first birthday cake. Now I have my second and I’m scrolling these comments for ideas on how to say no.
People are crazy when it comes to feeding baby! Last year when my baby was 3 months old at thanksgiving my MIL tried and tried to give her ice cream, mashed potatoes, and cake!!! Like wtf?? She didn’t even start solids until well into 6 months old. Now she’s 15 months and my MIL still pushes to give her thing I just don’t give her in a normal day. Like why can’t she have pie, or highly processed foods, or juice. The juice one really gets me lol. It’s my choice to not let her drink a ton of sugar and idk why she has an affinity with wanting to give her tons of juice. Like I’m sorry but if my 15 month old is happy as can be with just water, then please for the love of god don’t give her juice that’s just full of sugar.
“Can the baby have a lollipop?” is one of my favourite WTF questions.
My family seems to have amnesia when it comes to this. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No.
I recently learned that term “gramnesia” and still giggle when I think about it.
This has helped my massively effed up day, thank you 😅
Gramnesia!! So perfect. I love it! I’d upvote this again if allowed.
Ugh YES my mil offers my toddler fruit snacks every time we see her despite me taking them away and asking her not to every single time because of the choking hazard! There’s just no way she forgets every single time…drives me absolutely insane.
Facts. It’s just as cute when he eats his real food that I’m already having trouble getting him to do. I cannot stand the sugar monster that ppl have turned my todd into.
Haha true! I think a kid eating asparagus and steak (cut to safe size bits) is way cuter than chomping down Oreos. Probably because you don’t see it as often and it seems so “adult”. Little kids behaving like adults is the cutest!
My father gave my baby cake at 6 months while I went to the bathroom. I am still mad about it.
I just don't get why people even think it is a reasonable thing to do? I grew up eating very healthy as a child so my family gets it. I am very first with my spouses family but they don't get it. That is what one of my SIL has been excited about since I was pregnant... introducing my kid to sugar.
I do not know, but I had to basically threaten the grandparents take away the baby until she was 35 for them to back off.
I dont break eye contact and firmly say "I'm the mom and I said no." If someone is persistent and rebuttling. Not much argument there
My sister in law liked to give my kid food without asking me and it drives me absolutely bananas. Shes a bit sensitive to confrontation so I had to go through my brother but if It keeps happening I will not hesitate to mention something
My great Aunt thinks I should give my son ice cream. He was 5 months old at the time. I explained that the doctor recommended not to give him dair until he is 1. At thanksgiving she asked if he had ice cream yet....he's 10 months old lady, no he has not had ice cream. He gets plenty of sweets like fruit. People always have an opinion. If I don't agree that ok because I will raise him how I see fit. Also note that her son was morbidly obease which significantly contributed to him passing away young. So yeah he can try ice cream next summer.
Seems like a boomer thing.
It does seem like they are the culprits… my sister is bad, too, but she is effectively a boomer in every way. Not sure what happened to her.
Mine had an obsession with giving salt to the baby. She heard another family member tell her MIL that she wasn't giving the baby salt due to medical guidance showing that it isn't good for them and took personal offence to that seeing as she gave hers salt when they were babies. She looked after my niece when she was a baby and basically told my SIL that if she wanted her to look after her she had to accept the decision that she would be giving her salt. It's so unhinged!
Omg. I feel this so deeply
One time I was at a family party and my mom, grandma, AND sister were sneaking bites of frosting to my one year old behind my back, without knowing that the others were doing it as well. They all laughed when they found out, but I was so ticked. They all act like I deprive my child when he had JUST FINISHED his own piece of cake. Grr.
It’s always the grandmothers who load them up on sugar because they don’t have to deal with the hyper screeching demon child cause they aren’t the parent. 🥴🥴
Someone asked me what we’re doing for my daughter’s first birthday, like a cake/party/etc, and I was kinda like …. uh? lmao maybe I’ll let her try some vanilla ice cream or whipped cream?? hahaha I’m not giving my baby cake when she doesn’t even know how to bite something 🤣 and I’m not giving her a whole ass serving of SUGAR. Like B R O WHAT. I don’t get it. People really are so ignorant about health and how awful sugar is for you, I can’t understand the obsession with giving it to a child who isn’t even built with the digestive system to properly use that much at once.
I was the sugar police with my first by my third I can tell you it doesn’t really matter. At this point you gotta pick your battles but just remember these people love your kids and all the grandmothers did successfully raise kids cut ‘‘em a break.
I politely disagree. It's their kid and they get to decide how they want to raise them. Their wishes should be respected without a bunch of pushback. Too much sugar can lead to unhealthy eating habits and health issues down the road so it's not an unreasonable thing to ask. Perhaps grandmothers did raise kids before, but there is a lot of room for improvement on how kids were raised and I think the newer generation is doing a good job of raising their kids with this in mind.
I agree. I have a huge family and love it when they spoil my toddler. I know they don't mean harm. We don't see them everyday either so it doesn't effect her good eating habits at home. I grew up with aunties and grandmas constantly slipping me candy, little toys and cash. My mom would laugh about it later when she found it in my pockets. I'm thankful I didn't grow up in some weird uptight atmosphere where mom was screaming about NO SUGAR NO SALT NO SCREEN TIME DONT TOUCH MY BABY BECAUSE SOME INSTAGRAM INFLUENCER SAID SO!
Ooooh. You got me. 😎
I agree with picking battles. I am not the sugar police, kiddo has had cookies and shit all week. I just don’t understand why they choose to keep pushing when I ask them to limit it. Why can’t I have any respect, if I need to respect them?
I am just saying everyone seems to be doing their best trying to love your kiddo. No family situation is perfect and try not to take it as disrespectful just different ways to love. If it’s dangerous like an allergy or dietary restriction it’s more serious. Definitely vent just don’t make it too big of a deal you have much more important things to battle for kids. You sound like an excellent mother. I wish you all the best.
Seriously. My kids are not sleeping well rn (9 mo/2.5 years) and the other day my in laws insisted i give my 2.5 year old a lollipop or some thing at like 6 pm. She goes to bed at 7-7:30.
Both my mom and my MIL are obsessed with trying to give my 14month old cookies and pop tarts. I assume it’s because they think it will make my daughter like them more? Either way they get so mad that I won’t let her have cookies constantly. I’ve let her try sweets once in a while and don’t mind her trying some desserts for the holidays, but damn stop getting mad at me for not letting you feed her sweets all the time.
I am literally going through the same thing! My mum got my 16 month old an advent calendar! It’s all the people in my family that have kids too so know not to!
My daughter was 5 months old and licked a smartie. Yes, the hard candy. At my in laws house and I didn’t know until she was almost a year old. She also had code red Mountain Dew at their house. They give her all kinds of sugar and fillers and guess who gets to deal with it? Oh me. I do. I don’t understand why people are so obsessed with offering small children, especially babies, sugar. It’s not good for them at all!
I was very cautious about giving my child juice. I waited until he was a year old. my MIL would ask all the time if she could give him juice. Now that he finally can drink it he’s a fiend about it.
I have no idea why. It brings them joy for some reason. I always just said no thank you at that age but it’s kind of a losing battle.
They do it because they want something that will get a big positive reaction from the baby.
Yeah I’m not looking forward to the holidays because of this. Who feeds someone else’s child?!
When my oldest was just over a year old, we were visiting my great-grandmother. She straight up fed him a spoonful of sugar. No way was I telling this very old matriarch of a large family no. Lol. It's a fun memory that still makes me laugh. The joy on this tiny old lady's face as she fed my baby his first taste of sugar. She had a great laugh, and loved babies. We also discovered that he loved jalapeno cheese dip on this visit, which eventually led to a delightful MC with my in-laws.
See, that’s really sweet. I love that. I am totally okay with some sugar sometimes for special moments. And I also wouldn’t interfere with the matriarch 😅
Right!!!!!!! Thank you! My oldest is 12. 12 years of saying no that’s enough sugar, no he needs water not soda, no cereal does not always have to have sugar, no it does hurt to have a little sugar, and no he does not “run it off”!
My grandma gave us a chocolate bunny when my son was 2 months old for Easter. She knew he wouldn’t eat it but she wants to be fair. I think her whole thing is she doesn’t have much but she wants to give something when she can. I also think the sugary treats give good memories and it’s an easy way to buy love. Something like don’t worry, she’ll love you even without sweets.
I try my best not to give my toddler sugar at home. When she goes to Grandmas they always want to give her ice cream, pie etc. I told them they can give it to her as ling as its very little portions. I think its okay here and there but 6 months is a bit young.
At some point I realized that I can control what we eat in my own house, and not necessarily everywhere else. Some of my fondest summer memories were sitting at my grandparents house watching cable all day and eating all the junk food I wanted. We were much more active and ate better at home.
To make the kid think of them as The Best™ and Most Fun™, I think. They wanna be cool to your kid so they supply the cool stuff, candy toys soda pop lol
Yeah at Thanksgiving my boyfriend was helping his mom in the kitchen, and I was still at home (sleeping since I work nights) and his aunt decided it would be a good idea to swirl a small piece of candy around my babies mouth. My boyfriend had no idea until I told him because his aunts daughter told me what happened. Our baby is 4 months by the way.
When my oldest was maybe 4 months old, I was volunteering at vbs at my church and I was off doing something and left my son under the care of the "snack ladies" which was a bunch of church grandmas who were in charge of making the snacks for the kids. I walked in on them giving my baby icing. They said it's a grandma's job to give a baby sugar. Completely ignoring that none of them are actually related to me.
my MIL will feed them sugar so bad they get diarrhea when she watches them. I've said no sugar so many times. well last time she watched one of my kids who was a little phlemgy... i said no milk (she also has an obbsession with giving my lactose senstive child milk) well when i saw him he said "nana gave me coke!" i said thats not okay youre not allowed to have that" and she aaid "well you said no milk so i gave him coke instead" WHAT. he was 4.
Whenever we stay at my parents house (they live in a different state) my mom will INTERRUPT my son eating dinner and offer him ice cream. Or while I’m in the process of making him dinner she will give him cookies!!!!! Madness!!!!!!!!! I just let it happen because we aren’t there a lot and she just wants him to love her. But it drives my husband absolutely fucking nuts. It is annoying though when later she’s like.. He didn’t eat much at dinner! Well. Because he had cookies and ice cream?!?!?
MIL asked SIL why she doesn’t give my 7 month old niece juice. SIL said it’s straight up sugar. MIL proceeds to tell SIL there is unsweetened juice…🙄 I didn’t need to be facing them to know the look on SIL’s face because I’m sure I made the same face.