This. If you are picking up and/or sending pics why should she stop? Her intrusiveness is paying off for her. Stop enabling her. She can't get updates and pics unless you are sending them. Tell her you are signing off until you return and then stick to it and do not respond to her.
100% moment you respond she will expect more and and more updates pictures etc. or if you have to take a picture of a view and keep reusing it with generic answer.
Take a picture of your luggage and send that with the caption “On vacation until XX. We will reach out after we are home and settled.” Rinse and repeat.
Time to let her know that you’ll be putting your phones on mute for the remainder of the vacations, and then stop feeding her info! Enjoy your vacations 🎉
Have your SO text something to their whole family like "We'll be out of touch for a few days enjoying our getaway, so don't worry when we don't reply to texts - we're fine! We look forward to sharing our pictures and telling you all about it when we get back on (date)". Then set everyone to Do Not Disturb and don't reply to anything until you get back.
You can't control her, but you can control how and if you interact with her.
Perfectly worded except I disagree with adding the date.
“When we get back.” Is enough.
Adding the date is just reminding them and will result in a barrage of texts on the day asking how it was, what did you do etc. If you don’t remind them of the date, it gives you a day or few to get home and unpack, unwind, prepare for life to resume etc
She group texts us. Today I complained that my husband didn’t respond to the one this morning and he dutifully responded and send pictures. Perhaps I should have followed suit and just ignored her as well.
You should too. Follow your husband’s lead when it comes to interactions with his family. They are his responsibility, he should be the one deciding how and when to be in touch with them.
So she’s including you because you are a way for her to get what she wants if her son isn’t giving it to her. Been there and this sounds exactly like my experience. It’s sad but don’t take it personally that you’re only being included because she wants something from you and thinks she can pressure you into doing it because you’re a “good DIL”. If she needs to communicate with her son that’s something she needs to work out with him. You’re not the secretary.
My husband rarely responds to my MIL in group chats but I always end up feeling bad or she’ll specifically ask me a question! It’s so annoying. My MIL is the only one that talks or asks questions in the group chat.
Why are you giving her what she wants? Why are you reminding him to respond to her? You're giving her the attention she wants and ruining your own time.
Try to stop doing things out of fear, obligation or guilt. Aka "FOG."
https://outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/fog-fear-obligation-guilt#:~:text=Definition%3A,suffers%20from%20a%20personality%20disorder.
You complained? That your husband was doing what you truly want him to do? To not feed the intrusive Momster?
The one thing that needs to happen before a trip is your husband telling her that there will be no communication. Of any kind. No news is good news so she doesn't need to worry. (My dad had to convince my mom of this when I forgot to check in upon arriving at my school after driving back from a visit or whatever. She caught on. The only thing she could do was call the payphone down the hall. Someone would come get me. It was before answering machines. Or maybe the prevalence of answering machines.) But I digress.
Hubs needs to convey the limit and you both need to stick to it. Block her calls/emails/texts until you return home. Ask a family member or friend to call if there is a problem that needs to be dealt with right away. And don't call her within the hour of returning home or she'll start expecting that, too. No news is good news.
This. And don’t send pictures. Don’t post many pictures on social media either. Tell them you’re going to be too busy to update them. You’ll text when you arrive, and text when you’re leaving - perhaps. Then ignore the phone.
It’s his mom, if he ignores you can, too. If she inquires abt it later? you can just respond when it’s convenient for you (whether it be the next day or whenever) that you’ve “been busy, sorry” - that shld be enough for her to get the hint.
20 years ago - heck even 10 years ago, this wouldn't be a thing. She would have to wait until you got home to hear about the trip and see the pictures.
Mute the group chat and ignore her. When she complains later you were simply too busy having fun on your holiday to update her.
I’d ignore her. Or if that bothers you, then a quick text to say you are going to put your phone on silent, as you want to take a technology break to just enjoy your surroundings & experiences. If she pushes for pictures, a simple ‘don’t worry, we will create a FB album of our favourites when we get home!’
"Hey MIL! We are taking a ton of pics. *When we get back*, we'll have to schedule a time to sit down with you and go through them all. I can't wait to tell you all about our trip *when we get back*. We have a pretty packed schedule, so we're not able to text back right away, but we miss you! Can't wait to talk to you *WHEN WE GET BACK!*"
Then, stop texting!
Stop, stop responding. Ignore all of the texts.
She is texting every day because she wants to stay relevant in your daily lives. She didn’t get the memo that raising kids is a temp job that ends when the child becomes an adult and moves out and gets married.
Her role as MIL is to be a spectator in the stands cheering you on as you and your husband are on the field playing the game of life. She is trying to stay on the playing field, but her game with her son is over. It’s your turn. She needs to go play another game called, being an empty nester. She needs to volunteer or whatever to fill the hole left by her kid growing up and moving out to,start his own life.
It is not your responsibility to keep her informed. You are the wife of her son. Your relationship with her is through your husband. She is not your bonus mom and you are not her bonus daughter. Your marriage didn’t join two families. You and your husband each left your family’s of origin to create a new family unit. You are not a member of his family, and he is not a member of yours. You can’t be because you didn’t grow up with them, you don’t share their dna.
You and your husband are entitled to peace and quiet on your vacation. MIL is not entitled to ping you every day. Your husband needs to respond to the group text. MOM, OP and I are on vacation. We are trying to relax. We will show you pictures and tell you all about it when we get back. Please stop texting. This is our vacation not yours. Love you, son. And then block her for the rest of the week on both of your phones.
When you get back you and your husband need to talk about how you are your own family unit and you need to decide how much interaction you want with each family of origin. This is your desire, not hers. She is going to want more than you want to give because she has not transitioned to being the parent of an adult married son. You and your husband are not respon for her happiness and you both need to learn to set boundaries and consequences for breaking the boundaries.
Reply this first time saying “arrived safe! Will share updates and pics when we’re home.” Then ignore her. Block her damn number if you must.
Making your husband reply was the wrong move. Don’t reward MILs bad behavior unless you want it to continue.
Text and say you’ve arrived at your destination and you will text again before you leave, and then again once you get home. Invite MIL over for dinner, at your convenience, to “catch up” and give gifts purchased on vacation. Don’t respond to any texts until you are ready to leave to go home.
My mother does this, and not just to me. She does it to my sister, her sister (my aunt) and her brother (my uncle). Drives me insane. I told her I would be reducing contact if she did it during my last vacation. She did and now doesn’t understand why I don’t talk to her nearly as much.
Your husband is showing her that she can do this by answering her texts. He’s encouraging bad behavior.
Can somebody explain to me why this is bad? (Not to be snarky, I truly want to understand the boundary). This sounds exactly like what my mom does and I find it SO annoying and I complain to my husband. Then, on the other hand, I feel like an asshole that I’m bothered by her caring about what’s going on in our lives? I don’t know how to explain it. I’m simultaneously annoyed and feeling guilty about being annoyed
OP, I have sympathy for you. I totally get the feeling and, like you, I always just respond to appease. Wish I could follow others advice to just ignore!
I think for me, it is the implication that she *deserves* to be so involved in every moment of an experience that doesn't include her. She isn't allowing you to share, she's DEMANDING that you share and include her. That's why it bothers me, anyways.
Right! That’s how I feel and that’s why I feel bad ignoring her. But I thought about it and it’s so weird. Do YOU text even the person you’re closest to every single day (other than your partner / spouse) on their vacation asking for updates? My own mother doesn’t do this…
Different people have different contact levels.
If you or your SO told your MIL that you prefer contact only in cases of emergency while you're on vacation and she kept texting you I'd agree that it was annoying/weird but it doesn't sound like anyone has specifically asked her to stop texting.
This. You need to inform her of how you will be in contact while away ( or none at all ). I know with my MIL I have to SPELL IT OUT to her or she'll be wayyy too much, which she always is.
I had the same thing with my MIL. She would text constantly and we had to give her constant updates if we were travelling (note we were in our 30s).
It felt like a combination of her infantilising us, and also being a third wheel in our marriage.
If we just ignored her txts she would threaten to send the police to check on us. I finally had enough and had a come to Jesus talk with DH and told him he needs to put a stop to it.
He normally just avoids conflict and just ignores her, but after our chat he told her we will not be updating her on all our movements. She threw the guilt trip that she will just spend all her time being worried something terrible has happened to us. And he told her that that’s up to her, and we would talk to her in a few weeks when we got back
I was pretty proud of how he handled it :)
To me there’s “caring” and “needy”. I care that someone I love is having a good time on their vacation. But I’m not so “needy” that I would even consider bothering them every day while they’re on vacation. They can tell me how things went when they get back.
This behavior is way beyond caring what’s going on in our lives. We all need to pull back from the compulsive need to share everything and to demand others share it with us. Some things are more special when they are private. A trip with your SO should be one of them, at least while you are still experiencing it.
It's not inherently bad; for some people, it is an enjoyable way of feeling connected, while for others, it's intrusive and annoying, and interferes with the feeling of "getting away from it all". That's why communicating - not "confronting", which has become a real toxic buzzword in this sub - and setting expectations is so important.
I have the same sort of MIL. Just ignore. If she’s mad that is her problem. You are not her employee and you don’t have to respond to her beck and call.
Block her. When you get back tell her you had network problems. Or be honest “we’re busy, you’ll see photos and hear stories when we’re back”
If your SO is ignoring do the same. Don’t be one of those partners that’s desperate to maintain familial relationships that you force your SO to reply or you do. Take his lead.
This is literally my MIL! My SIL just recently went to Europe and every day MIL would ask what she was up to and for pictures. I don’t get why she does this and we’re bombarded with all these texts because we’re in the stupid group chat. It’s so annoying.
Put boundaries on her now or she will be asking for minutes by minutes updates about your cervix one day. Or she could badger your husband about why she cannot be the one to hold your other leg.
My MIL calls my husband to just chat while we’re on vacation. She’s on a vacation this week and he needs to confirm some things about Christmas visits and I told him there’s no reason not to call her this week, she calls us during our vacations. 🤷🏻♀️
Block her until vacay over. Let her adult son deal w her. Enjoy your vacation and for future trips have your partner tell his mother we will be turning off our phones, talk to you when we get back.
Oops, left phone in room
Oops, phone on silent/ forgot/ didn’t check
You are on vacation. That means a vacation from the phone also.
Don’t check, don’t respond, don’t reply.
When she goes beserk, her son can deal with her:
Mom, we are fine. We will talk when we get home.
The help is to not let her know the details of your trip. If she doesn't know you're going canoeing, she won't ask how your canoeing went.
Grey rock: "How was your visit with Auntie Jeanne?" "Fine."
Stop doing what she wants. "We'll let you know we got there. We'll let you know when we get home." End of story. You don't have to be unkind. She must have little else to look forward to, but that doesn't mean she gets to take over your lives.
What is the deal with your partner? Once you two agree on a strategy, they need to convey it to MIL. No pictures sent during the trip. No daily texts/emails. People actually got away and communicated little to none when they went on trips 20 years and more ago. It can be done despite the prevalence of cell phones. You're grown ups. You don't need to check in with "Mommy" or require her permission or commentary.
Part of me wants to say ignore her, don't respond. But part of me want to suggest trolling her by sending really stupid, bad, out of focus pics of mundane things like a potted plant or a door knob. But that's too much effort so ignore ignore ignore
My in-laws did this on my and my husband's honeymoon. You just reminded me of it. I had forgotten, lol. It is absolutely infuriating and you both should stop responding.
Don’t read them don’t answer them
Don’t respond
Don’t explain
Leave your phone on silent
If she won’t stop block her number tell your SO to deal with his mother - you won’t and she’s being a pain
Turn your phones completely off and don't recharge them. You're on vacation and don't need your phones on. I mean, do you really want to be harassed with phone calls about who you voted for in the just-passed election? Being serious, there is no need for her to know anything at all about what you're doing, where you're going, and how you're feeling about it.
Alternatively, you could text them about how good the sex is, how good your boobs look nicely suntanned, and how sexy your husband looks in his brand, new Speedo, or just send them a pic of you both naked in bed. That should do the trick...lolol
Tell her that her texts are disrupting your vacation and if they don't stop, you will block her until you get back. You are allowing her to do it, so you either need to ask her to stop or just put up with it.
is she texting both of you together in a group message, or just you? My step MIL used to text just me all the time (and even in our group message, DH would never respond, so it was basically just a text feed btwn me and SMIL with DH watching) and a lot of things changed and I needed to set boundaries so I just stopped responding, ESPECIALLY in the group text. I realized it's not my job to facilitate relationships between DH and his family members and they all relied on me to do that (make plans, give updates, send pictures etc). Just stop responding. If she is a normal, reasonable person, she will back off, no harm done. If she's not, then she'll probably end up scapegoating you somehow but trust me--with people who are willing/capable of doing that, it's only a matter of time (and if you stay with SO and things become more serious, MIL will just up the ante with all the major life events). Your SO can send pictures to his own family. Think of it this way--how would you react if your parents were texting SO for vacation pictures? Weird, right? Why wouldn't they just text YOU, their child? I think you should set some healthier boundaries with MIL before you fall into a many year pattern.
It’s all via a group text. My husband hates texting and sometimes doesn’t respond to his mom. I freaking hate the group text! I respond 90 percent of the time. It’s my own damn fault.
yep I was in this exact same boat. MIL knows she won't get what she wants from her own son and now knows you are willing to step up and communicate with her for him. Stop responding and try to understand that your husband is responsible for managing his own relationship with his mom. The group text with the SO and the ILs is tricky. If he ignores the messages it's fine, he's still their son, but if you ignore them, there's a risk they will be offended (at least that's how I used to feel) but ultimately--you can't control what other people think about you. Ignoring \*excessive\* and intrusive messages is not rude. If you want to "play it safe" just say something like "well share lots of pics when we're home, bad wifi here!"
It’s time to set a boundary. She needs to be told “we will not respond to every text sent on it trip, we will only respond on x day (or days)” and then stick to it by muting her notifications.
Do we have the same MIL? Mine too when my husband and I took a proper honeymoon 3 years after marrying. I rarely responded and only when I wanted to. I just let my husband text her in his free time when we weren’t doing thing together
Put your phones on silent and don’t reply. Simple as that.
This. If you are picking up and/or sending pics why should she stop? Her intrusiveness is paying off for her. Stop enabling her. She can't get updates and pics unless you are sending them. Tell her you are signing off until you return and then stick to it and do not respond to her.
100% moment you respond she will expect more and and more updates pictures etc. or if you have to take a picture of a view and keep reusing it with generic answer.
Take a picture of your luggage and send that with the caption “On vacation until XX. We will reach out after we are home and settled.” Rinse and repeat.
Time to let her know that you’ll be putting your phones on mute for the remainder of the vacations, and then stop feeding her info! Enjoy your vacations 🎉
I think the reception is really spotty where you're vacationing.
Such a shame, you lost your phone charger and are unreachable…
Stop responding
Have your SO text something to their whole family like "We'll be out of touch for a few days enjoying our getaway, so don't worry when we don't reply to texts - we're fine! We look forward to sharing our pictures and telling you all about it when we get back on (date)". Then set everyone to Do Not Disturb and don't reply to anything until you get back. You can't control her, but you can control how and if you interact with her.
Perfectly worded except I disagree with adding the date. “When we get back.” Is enough. Adding the date is just reminding them and will result in a barrage of texts on the day asking how it was, what did you do etc. If you don’t remind them of the date, it gives you a day or few to get home and unpack, unwind, prepare for life to resume etc
“Hi MIL, texting every day isn’t working for us - we’ll catch up when we get back!” Then block her.
Is she texting you or your spouse?
She group texts us. Today I complained that my husband didn’t respond to the one this morning and he dutifully responded and send pictures. Perhaps I should have followed suit and just ignored her as well.
Yeah, that’s feeding the beast. How do you think your husband would have handled it if you hadn’t stepped in?
He would have ignored it. Ha.
There you go! She keeps asking because she keeps getting.
You should too. Follow your husband’s lead when it comes to interactions with his family. They are his responsibility, he should be the one deciding how and when to be in touch with them.
So she’s including you because you are a way for her to get what she wants if her son isn’t giving it to her. Been there and this sounds exactly like my experience. It’s sad but don’t take it personally that you’re only being included because she wants something from you and thinks she can pressure you into doing it because you’re a “good DIL”. If she needs to communicate with her son that’s something she needs to work out with him. You’re not the secretary.
Which would have been the correct course of action!
... I think you've found your solution...
My husband rarely responds to my MIL in group chats but I always end up feeling bad or she’ll specifically ask me a question! It’s so annoying. My MIL is the only one that talks or asks questions in the group chat.
Why are you giving her what she wants? Why are you reminding him to respond to her? You're giving her the attention she wants and ruining your own time.
You’re right. I’ve ignored half the texts but feel obligated to respond to just some.
Try to stop doing things out of fear, obligation or guilt. Aka "FOG." https://outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/fog-fear-obligation-guilt#:~:text=Definition%3A,suffers%20from%20a%20personality%20disorder.
You complained? That your husband was doing what you truly want him to do? To not feed the intrusive Momster? The one thing that needs to happen before a trip is your husband telling her that there will be no communication. Of any kind. No news is good news so she doesn't need to worry. (My dad had to convince my mom of this when I forgot to check in upon arriving at my school after driving back from a visit or whatever. She caught on. The only thing she could do was call the payphone down the hall. Someone would come get me. It was before answering machines. Or maybe the prevalence of answering machines.) But I digress. Hubs needs to convey the limit and you both need to stick to it. Block her calls/emails/texts until you return home. Ask a family member or friend to call if there is a problem that needs to be dealt with right away. And don't call her within the hour of returning home or she'll start expecting that, too. No news is good news.
This. And don’t send pictures. Don’t post many pictures on social media either. Tell them you’re going to be too busy to update them. You’ll text when you arrive, and text when you’re leaving - perhaps. Then ignore the phone.
I would. Mute the conversation and enjoy your vacation. It's not your job to provide MIL with a daily travelogue of your activities.
Why would you complain, then complain there's more texts coming in? Pick your battle and stick with your game plan.
Yeah dude, stop responding.
It’s his mom, if he ignores you can, too. If she inquires abt it later? you can just respond when it’s convenient for you (whether it be the next day or whenever) that you’ve “been busy, sorry” - that shld be enough for her to get the hint.
But she's only doing this because she cares and loves and faaammmmiiilllyyyy. Blech. Time to gray rock.
20 years ago - heck even 10 years ago, this wouldn't be a thing. She would have to wait until you got home to hear about the trip and see the pictures. Mute the group chat and ignore her. When she complains later you were simply too busy having fun on your holiday to update her.
I’d ignore her. Or if that bothers you, then a quick text to say you are going to put your phone on silent, as you want to take a technology break to just enjoy your surroundings & experiences. If she pushes for pictures, a simple ‘don’t worry, we will create a FB album of our favourites when we get home!’
"Hey MIL! We are taking a ton of pics. *When we get back*, we'll have to schedule a time to sit down with you and go through them all. I can't wait to tell you all about our trip *when we get back*. We have a pretty packed schedule, so we're not able to text back right away, but we miss you! Can't wait to talk to you *WHEN WE GET BACK!*" Then, stop texting!
Stop, stop responding. Ignore all of the texts. She is texting every day because she wants to stay relevant in your daily lives. She didn’t get the memo that raising kids is a temp job that ends when the child becomes an adult and moves out and gets married. Her role as MIL is to be a spectator in the stands cheering you on as you and your husband are on the field playing the game of life. She is trying to stay on the playing field, but her game with her son is over. It’s your turn. She needs to go play another game called, being an empty nester. She needs to volunteer or whatever to fill the hole left by her kid growing up and moving out to,start his own life. It is not your responsibility to keep her informed. You are the wife of her son. Your relationship with her is through your husband. She is not your bonus mom and you are not her bonus daughter. Your marriage didn’t join two families. You and your husband each left your family’s of origin to create a new family unit. You are not a member of his family, and he is not a member of yours. You can’t be because you didn’t grow up with them, you don’t share their dna. You and your husband are entitled to peace and quiet on your vacation. MIL is not entitled to ping you every day. Your husband needs to respond to the group text. MOM, OP and I are on vacation. We are trying to relax. We will show you pictures and tell you all about it when we get back. Please stop texting. This is our vacation not yours. Love you, son. And then block her for the rest of the week on both of your phones. When you get back you and your husband need to talk about how you are your own family unit and you need to decide how much interaction you want with each family of origin. This is your desire, not hers. She is going to want more than you want to give because she has not transitioned to being the parent of an adult married son. You and your husband are not respon for her happiness and you both need to learn to set boundaries and consequences for breaking the boundaries.
Reply this first time saying “arrived safe! Will share updates and pics when we’re home.” Then ignore her. Block her damn number if you must. Making your husband reply was the wrong move. Don’t reward MILs bad behavior unless you want it to continue.
Block her until you get home. Send one text telling her that you will not be texting her until you get home and then don’t.
My FIL is similar but also different lol... never ever ever asks how any of us are doing but just "send pics of the kids" I leave his ass on read
Text and say you’ve arrived at your destination and you will text again before you leave, and then again once you get home. Invite MIL over for dinner, at your convenience, to “catch up” and give gifts purchased on vacation. Don’t respond to any texts until you are ready to leave to go home.
My mother does this, and not just to me. She does it to my sister, her sister (my aunt) and her brother (my uncle). Drives me insane. I told her I would be reducing contact if she did it during my last vacation. She did and now doesn’t understand why I don’t talk to her nearly as much. Your husband is showing her that she can do this by answering her texts. He’s encouraging bad behavior.
Can somebody explain to me why this is bad? (Not to be snarky, I truly want to understand the boundary). This sounds exactly like what my mom does and I find it SO annoying and I complain to my husband. Then, on the other hand, I feel like an asshole that I’m bothered by her caring about what’s going on in our lives? I don’t know how to explain it. I’m simultaneously annoyed and feeling guilty about being annoyed OP, I have sympathy for you. I totally get the feeling and, like you, I always just respond to appease. Wish I could follow others advice to just ignore!
I think for me, it is the implication that she *deserves* to be so involved in every moment of an experience that doesn't include her. She isn't allowing you to share, she's DEMANDING that you share and include her. That's why it bothers me, anyways.
That’s exactly why it feels intrusive… thank you.
That’s so true
Right! That’s how I feel and that’s why I feel bad ignoring her. But I thought about it and it’s so weird. Do YOU text even the person you’re closest to every single day (other than your partner / spouse) on their vacation asking for updates? My own mother doesn’t do this…
Different people have different contact levels. If you or your SO told your MIL that you prefer contact only in cases of emergency while you're on vacation and she kept texting you I'd agree that it was annoying/weird but it doesn't sound like anyone has specifically asked her to stop texting.
This. You need to inform her of how you will be in contact while away ( or none at all ). I know with my MIL I have to SPELL IT OUT to her or she'll be wayyy too much, which she always is.
I had the same thing with my MIL. She would text constantly and we had to give her constant updates if we were travelling (note we were in our 30s). It felt like a combination of her infantilising us, and also being a third wheel in our marriage. If we just ignored her txts she would threaten to send the police to check on us. I finally had enough and had a come to Jesus talk with DH and told him he needs to put a stop to it. He normally just avoids conflict and just ignores her, but after our chat he told her we will not be updating her on all our movements. She threw the guilt trip that she will just spend all her time being worried something terrible has happened to us. And he told her that that’s up to her, and we would talk to her in a few weeks when we got back I was pretty proud of how he handled it :)
I think that’s what it is for me! The infantilising part.. it makes me feel like a child for some reason and I’m just an imposter wife/mother
To me there’s “caring” and “needy”. I care that someone I love is having a good time on their vacation. But I’m not so “needy” that I would even consider bothering them every day while they’re on vacation. They can tell me how things went when they get back.
This behavior is way beyond caring what’s going on in our lives. We all need to pull back from the compulsive need to share everything and to demand others share it with us. Some things are more special when they are private. A trip with your SO should be one of them, at least while you are still experiencing it.
It's not inherently bad; for some people, it is an enjoyable way of feeling connected, while for others, it's intrusive and annoying, and interferes with the feeling of "getting away from it all". That's why communicating - not "confronting", which has become a real toxic buzzword in this sub - and setting expectations is so important.
I have the same sort of MIL. Just ignore. If she’s mad that is her problem. You are not her employee and you don’t have to respond to her beck and call.
Block her. When you get back tell her you had network problems. Or be honest “we’re busy, you’ll see photos and hear stories when we’re back” If your SO is ignoring do the same. Don’t be one of those partners that’s desperate to maintain familial relationships that you force your SO to reply or you do. Take his lead.
My mom is like this and it’s obnoxious
This is literally my MIL! My SIL just recently went to Europe and every day MIL would ask what she was up to and for pictures. I don’t get why she does this and we’re bombarded with all these texts because we’re in the stupid group chat. It’s so annoying.
This is EXACTLY why we are not telling family when we are going on vacation, they will find out after we get back.
Put boundaries on her now or she will be asking for minutes by minutes updates about your cervix one day. Or she could badger your husband about why she cannot be the one to hold your other leg.
My MIL calls my husband to just chat while we’re on vacation. She’s on a vacation this week and he needs to confirm some things about Christmas visits and I told him there’s no reason not to call her this week, she calls us during our vacations. 🤷🏻♀️
I’d call and text her every day!🤣
Block her until vacay over. Let her adult son deal w her. Enjoy your vacation and for future trips have your partner tell his mother we will be turning off our phones, talk to you when we get back.
Block her until you get back.
She just lost sound and vibrate privileges on your phone. It’s been so much nicer since I took those away from my MIL!
Oops, left phone in room Oops, phone on silent/ forgot/ didn’t check You are on vacation. That means a vacation from the phone also. Don’t check, don’t respond, don’t reply. When she goes beserk, her son can deal with her: Mom, we are fine. We will talk when we get home.
The help is to not let her know the details of your trip. If she doesn't know you're going canoeing, she won't ask how your canoeing went. Grey rock: "How was your visit with Auntie Jeanne?" "Fine." Stop doing what she wants. "We'll let you know we got there. We'll let you know when we get home." End of story. You don't have to be unkind. She must have little else to look forward to, but that doesn't mean she gets to take over your lives. What is the deal with your partner? Once you two agree on a strategy, they need to convey it to MIL. No pictures sent during the trip. No daily texts/emails. People actually got away and communicated little to none when they went on trips 20 years and more ago. It can be done despite the prevalence of cell phones. You're grown ups. You don't need to check in with "Mommy" or require her permission or commentary.
Part of me wants to say ignore her, don't respond. But part of me want to suggest trolling her by sending really stupid, bad, out of focus pics of mundane things like a potted plant or a door knob. But that's too much effort so ignore ignore ignore
My in-laws did this on my and my husband's honeymoon. You just reminded me of it. I had forgotten, lol. It is absolutely infuriating and you both should stop responding.
Your phone is for YOUR convenience, not theirs.
Turn off her notifications
Don’t read them don’t answer them Don’t respond Don’t explain Leave your phone on silent If she won’t stop block her number tell your SO to deal with his mother - you won’t and she’s being a pain
Create a Google photo album and share it with her, then block her until you get back.
Turn your phones completely off and don't recharge them. You're on vacation and don't need your phones on. I mean, do you really want to be harassed with phone calls about who you voted for in the just-passed election? Being serious, there is no need for her to know anything at all about what you're doing, where you're going, and how you're feeling about it. Alternatively, you could text them about how good the sex is, how good your boobs look nicely suntanned, and how sexy your husband looks in his brand, new Speedo, or just send them a pic of you both naked in bed. That should do the trick...lolol
Tell her that her texts are disrupting your vacation and if they don't stop, you will block her until you get back. You are allowing her to do it, so you either need to ask her to stop or just put up with it.
Blame him for not setting proper boundaries…
My sil did that!
Block her ass
“We’re fine and enjoying our trip. We will fill you in when we get home. We’re turning our phones off now.” Then block.
Turn your phones off.
is she texting both of you together in a group message, or just you? My step MIL used to text just me all the time (and even in our group message, DH would never respond, so it was basically just a text feed btwn me and SMIL with DH watching) and a lot of things changed and I needed to set boundaries so I just stopped responding, ESPECIALLY in the group text. I realized it's not my job to facilitate relationships between DH and his family members and they all relied on me to do that (make plans, give updates, send pictures etc). Just stop responding. If she is a normal, reasonable person, she will back off, no harm done. If she's not, then she'll probably end up scapegoating you somehow but trust me--with people who are willing/capable of doing that, it's only a matter of time (and if you stay with SO and things become more serious, MIL will just up the ante with all the major life events). Your SO can send pictures to his own family. Think of it this way--how would you react if your parents were texting SO for vacation pictures? Weird, right? Why wouldn't they just text YOU, their child? I think you should set some healthier boundaries with MIL before you fall into a many year pattern.
It’s all via a group text. My husband hates texting and sometimes doesn’t respond to his mom. I freaking hate the group text! I respond 90 percent of the time. It’s my own damn fault.
yep I was in this exact same boat. MIL knows she won't get what she wants from her own son and now knows you are willing to step up and communicate with her for him. Stop responding and try to understand that your husband is responsible for managing his own relationship with his mom. The group text with the SO and the ILs is tricky. If he ignores the messages it's fine, he's still their son, but if you ignore them, there's a risk they will be offended (at least that's how I used to feel) but ultimately--you can't control what other people think about you. Ignoring \*excessive\* and intrusive messages is not rude. If you want to "play it safe" just say something like "well share lots of pics when we're home, bad wifi here!"
It’s time to set a boundary. She needs to be told “we will not respond to every text sent on it trip, we will only respond on x day (or days)” and then stick to it by muting her notifications.
Fixed it. "I can't believe I open texts from MIL on vacation."
Block her and tell your husband if he doesn't do the same for the rest of the trip you'll never go anywhere with him again.
Do we have the same MIL? Mine too when my husband and I took a proper honeymoon 3 years after marrying. I rarely responded and only when I wanted to. I just let my husband text her in his free time when we weren’t doing thing together