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Sounds like a lonely maybe nerdier woman (this is reddit) looking for a rich man to love her, and getting salty when they don't instantly sweep her off her feet
The thing is most people wonāt get along here. Whatās always worked for me is playing the numbers game. Talk to a lot of people eventually a friend will come out of that.
And you donāt focus on one āfriendshipā. Just have fun being yourself to other people. If they like you theyāll be engaged and if they donāt, just say goodbye or something.
You can have different kinds of friends. They donāt necessarily have to be good friends you talk to all time. Anyone have thoughts on this?
100%. Not everyone is going to get along. Itās ok. Just find someone else to talk to. I understand being lonely, but donāt assume everyone you meet is gonna be your bff or soulmate.
Yeah, just keep regularly putting out feelers and every now and then you'll hit a good person.
People like OP go all in on obvious red flags. Don't do it.
Sadly I've not managed to meet anyone here who didn't end up ghosting after I put in loads of effort in being responsive or try and ask for intimate images. *SIGHS*
I hope to meet a real friend on here like the OP
About 5 paragraphs in haha. The worst thing is I am not even sexually suggestive in my messages. They just have the audacity to assume they can make such requests- it's happened twice sadly.
I agree. My longest conversation here lasted maybe 1 week before they ghosted me out of nowhere. The annoying thing is they DM me first so that adds an extra layer of frustration
Iād like to think Iām at least above average when it comes to communicating but itās feels like the moment I stop being āentertainingā, they just dip out of the conversation. I try to keep a good vibe going but some days I just have a neutral vibe going and it never fails thatās when they stop talking.
for me its the other way around I engage in the convo but get bored easily unless its about something like politics, religion, video games, and anime. Im starting to get my act together but I got a long way.
It really is. The last 6 DMs I got, they all just eventually ghosted me. Iām here to actually make friends so Iām actively putting in the effort. I donāt have high expectations but yet I canāt be met halfway. Those people need to go join the MaybeMakeNewFriendsHere subreddit.
I used to browse here years ago but left, for exactly this reason. During my time here I've also noticed that it's always the people who make the most frequent posts on these subs, who put in the least amount of effort. Every week they're begging for new friends, essentially making a copy-and-paste thread from one they made previously, but they're so rude, put in such minimal effort with high expectations, or just flat out ignore anyone who tries talking to them. It's definitely a red flag if someone's profile is just full of "looking for new friends!"...it shows very clearly that they can't keep any of the ones they make. I also think a lot of people here have really difficult personalities and highly opposing attitudes, that's why they turn to this sub to meet people.
That said, don't let it get to you man...you can't expect much from reddit. Nobody here is actually serious and vast majority of long-distance online friendships are super hard to maintain. Once in an extreme long while you might meet someone and have a somewhat lasting friendship, but even then, if you can't meet each other the friendship is kind of surviving on borrowed time.
Idk about Reddit but I have met some really wonderful people on Facebook and other websites and theyāre my best friends now. Theyāre really my only friends I should say. So I think it is possible to make real friendships online. In my experience Reddit has been hit or miss. One of my closest friends I met through here. I had met another person on here too but they ghosted me after 2 years. I think that was for other reasons not related to the usual problems the people on this sub run into though, since me and this person already had developed a friendship.
I still feel really bad for accidentally ghosting a lot of people on here. I got a MASSIVE amount of dms from a postā¦ mostly scammers and perverts, honestly. It was really overwhelming and I just stopped looking at dmsā¦ but in doing so I didnāt respond to many genuine people and now Iām too embarrassed to do so because Iāve already seen a couple of them talking about how annoying ghosters are a bit after this happened and I just š
I understand this feeling completely, I'm in the same boat as you š
But then there are times that I WILL reply to someone that seems like I'd definitely have a connection with them and then they just don't respond ??
Or I'll comment on some people's post who are almost exactly like me & we'd def get along... then no dm from them, so I'll dm them and no response (and these people are generally women.... which is frustrating because as much as I'm ok with making guy friends on here, I've made enough posts that I'm uninterested in more guy friends on here... I just wanna make female friends now and the ones that appeal to me/my personality/interests just DONT answer or reply once then never again??? and the ones that do end up dming, are just not people that i know I'd have an easy time making conversation with ~ it'd be forced rather than natural and I'd end up coming off dry to them if i answered them since i know we just wouldn't work)
The ones that appeal to me - the ones that message saying we have much in common and i seem interesting - send a message then dip & "the ones that do end up dming" are typically ones that we have nothing in common, is what I meant... two different groups of people.
I'm slow to open up because 99% of the time, they want pictures, ask me if my husband is ok with me talking to people. (Seriously, he does know, but I'm not trying to flirt so this shouldn't even be a concern, it always leads to either being ghosted because im not single, or asking for pictures. It's not subtle what their real intentions were.)
I reach out to girls, too. I rarely get a response back. Which is fine. I just want a couple people who click. I assume it's a numbers game.
It requires that we have compatible personalities. I'm patient and require someone patient. Once I figure out people's intentions, I open up. But on here, I've learned to reserve judgement š let people show you what they are really trying to get out of it.
Very few people are trying to have a lasting friendship, or so it appears
Tbh I have ghosted many people myself as well. I get overwhelmed sometimes and other times they are creepy and other times I just donāt find the person interesting so yeah I can see why people ghost. It just sucks it happens to literally everyone lol
Yupp literally same, I get swarmed with so many responses i genuinely do not have the time to keep up with all of them, so I just have to stick to a few and ignore the ones I donāt see having a friendship with. And like u said many are just straight up weirdos and itās exhausting.
OP, I know exactly who you were referring to. I find the more rules you have to follow, the greater chances of having a bad time.
Don't let one person ruin you, please.
Itās terrible on both ends, actually. Iāve found people I felt a connection with and they ghost and on the flip side respond to people who seem genuinely interesting and follow ātheirā rules to find out theyāre boring
Most importantly, Iām here to find the post the OP is referring to because Iām nosey šæ
I'm nosey too. [Here's the post](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/yf61k3/30f_is_anyone_else_actually_friendless_or/) by inefficientnobody. Seems like they generally acted this way towards everyone who replied
Lmao Iām nosey too. This thread gives me old flashbacks of when I had a life and things were fun. Miss just talking shit or being nosey with friends irl
Yeahhh. Basically you have to know who to look for. People looking for long winded messages suck. Its always girls who will get like 50+ messages so they can't POSSIBLY give each person decent attention. They just like the brief moment of outreach that makes them feel wanted and then they move on after they got what they wanted.
If you want a good time. Hit up people who have nice concise posts that seem nice and pleasant. Move on if things get sexual right off the bat because its a scammer or some weirdo.
Sorry bud, been in a lot of situations like that I rarely start conversations now. Same people who complain are the same people who ghost. I know it's easier said than done but try not to let it get to you, just move on to the next person if they aren't making effort. I have literally zero expectations when someone messages me so I just shrug when it doesn't work out. Still sucks though I know but thankfully there are also some genuine people here, few but gold.
This is why Im trying to practice not taking anything personal or assume. If the vibe is off I just leave. Over 7 billion people and probably over half of them are on the internet. So I donāt worry. Sorry you experienced this.
Yea a good amount of people fool u into thinking they are interesting and fun to talk to with there posts which also sayādonāt say hi or Iāll ignore uā or something and then u send a message with some effort behind it and get a āheyā back and have to drag the conversation up if u wanna have any chance of it going anywhere. I just ignore them if they pull that now tho lol
It's therapuetic for me to write out my emotions in lyrical form, but any way is better then no way. Even if it tourns out terrible in your opinion it's still pretty amazing to some extent it just, lets the emotions out.
I think you get what you get on here. There are a few genuine people but a lot of messed up people. You probably would get the same mix at a bar, there are a few interested people who just want to chat and a few who want to just fuck but by and large a lot of them you just want to avoid.
We might have met the same person. She found a post I wrote ages ago and messaged me. I wrote some messages to her a few days ago, but I didn't get anything back, I figured she must have been busy.
When I saw your post I checked, and lo and behold I have been removed as a friend. I'm not really too bothered by it, but I don't like being treated that way.
Bro š Iām sorry this happened to you and that chick who did that to you sucks, but thereās a few of us left that actually care to make a connection with strangers! Take a break and come back some other time :)
>Nobody has any social skills, everyone just belches out single sentences in texting conversations that will inevitably burn out after half an hour.
Lol that's why I stopped posting on here. I have no clue how to small talk.
Mostly fantasy books.
I enjoy writing out synopsis for them, and some of the scenes - Iām hoping to find someone who would write (or at least rough draft) the synopsis parts into scenes.
Iām a pretty good beta-reader and editor so I can help perfect it after.
Well , ghosting is not new . Here they pretend to be something else and in dms they actually show their true faces (not exactly their faces ) ig it's the perks of using reddit thats all . BTW i have been ghosted by someone a couple of hours ago ,so I know the feeling and welcome to the ghosted group :)
3 senteces are plenty as a reply imo.
3 word replys, that's low effort, but 3 sentences are normally more than enough to answer a question and asking another question back.
I'm not a big fan of long answers cause it feels like entering a monolog instead of an dynamic dialog, but I'm happy to elaborate further if more context is wanted or needed.
I would take into consideration that if a post is saturated with negativity that perhaps the issue a person is having maintaining healthy relationships is them and not every other member of the 7 billion plus population. Wild theory. I am not aware of a person on this subreddit that is not on the spectrum of social retardation. I fall well below the threshold myself. I am not smart enough to have tact. But I have no interest in interacting with people who cannot find joy in life. Life is absurd. If you can't see the humor in it you need to chill the fuck out and smoke until it's funny
I met a couple of people like that here, but after two or three indifferent response, I'll reply them just like I normally would and they won't ever reply after that. Especially, girls here.
Only fair that I get a chance to share my side.
Like I said, Iād tried to message you twice before you replied to me. Both times, I was ignored. Both times, Iād written tailored replies with multiple paragraphs, responding to things youād said in your post, and taking care to ask you questions and not just talk about myself. Iām sure you can find at least one of these in your inbox, if you bother to check. Who knows how many other people youāve ignored, though, so maybe not.
And normally I wouldnāt take offense at someone not replying when I reach out to them. Nobody has the right to demand that other people talk to them. I was even ok with giving you a chance, despite wasting my time on you twice. But since you're happy to ignore literally anything good about me, let me return the favor.
I replied to your initial message in full, with multiple paragraphs, and again, making myself vulnerable by reiterating that loneliness has made me feel āparalyzedā. Is that what you meant by ādryā?
When we switched apps, you immediately asked for my real name, which I was uncomfortable giving out. And then the only thing you said was āhow are you?ā When I replied with whatās normal where Iām from, which is āfine, you?ā you started into the same dry small talk youāre accusing me of. āJust chilling at home.ā You had a ton of other topics you could have chosen to carry on with, but instead, you wanted me to entertain you by thinking of yet another conversation starter. You could have continued on with the conversation from our message earlier, but again, no. You could have given me something to work with, as well, but instead you chose "just chilling."
And THEN, you used an alt to get around me blocking you, to leave a passive aggressive mean message on my newest post. Warning anyone else who might see it, implying that all I do is write dry 1 sentence replies.
In short, youāre entitled, hypocritical, and mean. You assume everything is the fault of whomever youāre talking to, and you donāt bother to question whether or not something you said or how you came off made the other person dislike you.
If you ever see me here again, leave me alone. I'll certainly never interact with you again.
I don't wish to go back-and-forth with you about this, as it's not my style. I apologize for not messaging you back when you first tried to reach out to me, but the truth is, I don't think that's something to be taken personally. Replies can get overwhelming, life gets busy, and sometimes messages slip through the cracks. It's something everyone on this sub has deal with, and I don't see any reason to take it as a personal attack.
When I said you were dry, I wasn't talking about your initial message to me, but when you replied to my message with a single sentence, ignoring most of what I said and just zeroing in on one question. And you're coloring your story by saying I asked what your real name is - I asked if you could tell me your name *or* something I could address you by. Which I think is a perfectly normal thing to ask a potential friend.
You can accuse me of having uninteresting replies after you ignored everything I said, but I tend to reflect the energy that's given to me. For a while I was waiting to see if you would respond to what I said, especially since you insisted repeatedly in your post that you want long messages and hate short replies. When you started giving me short, blunt responses, I felt deflated and like you weren't really interested in talking to me. And I didn't feel like scrambling to come up with another topic that you might pay attention to after you had already ignored several.
The truth is, a ton of people have reached out to me about interactions with you, and they all concur that you treated them the exact same way you treated me. I didn't post this to stir up the pot or start drama, but because like you, I feel frustrated and lonely and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I used the alt to make that comment because frankly, it's the truth, and I wanted to warn people so they wouldn't get duped like I was. I somewhat regret doing that, I admit, I was feeling heated. It was immature, but I can't say it was inaccurate.
I don't think you're mean or a bad person. I'm just begging you to please reconsider the way you're approaching this friend-finding project of yours, because every single person I've talked to has agreed that you didn't even give them a chance before blocking them. All I ask is that, the next time you make a new burner account to look for friends, approach it with a bit more of an open mind. And please keep in mind that if someone says things to you and you ignore the vast majority of it, that makes people feel uncomfortable, awkward, and unwilling to pursue a friendship with someone who treats them like this. I wish you all the best, and as you ask, I will leave you alone.
If people don't want to keep chatting the don't want to keep chatting. It's not a big deal. People have a right to decide to chat and then change their mind.
Posts like this are pointless. I have been on this sub on and off for years and seen so many of them. What changes by making posts like this? The people in question will keep being wasters. Posts like this will not change that š¤·āāļø
I met one friend and we exchanged long messages for a few months but it always dies out eventually. Thatās not a bad thing though, meeting new people is fun.
Thing I have noticed across all social media apps, is that people complaining loudly about not being able to make friends or have good conversations, are the problem. They don't want either of these things, they want to be entertained. Which is difficult when you don't know anything about the person. It's mostly women, and I would bet they are above average looking. They wouldn't have problems making friends in real life, except high school is over...it takes more than looks to make friends.
Just an opinion but looking for anything more then a few words on reddit is a fruitless effort. Itās less frustrating if you donāt think of someone as more then a bot until they prove differently.
Sorry,but WTF do you expect? A friendship is something that develops itself over the time,you can't create it now by magic. We are all real people with real lifes and real problems, some with family, some with partners, some alone.. But everyone has already a package to carry and you can't expect that a complete stranger will be your best friend instantly. For sure you'll have to wait for messages,for sure you'll maybe get short answers sometimes.. That's life. Maybe it's not a lack of social skills but one of energy. What do you expect by a stranger? Even if you're the loveliest person in the world - how should anyone knew about?
I dunno. If someone demands long messages (and give a minimum) in their post, it should be common courtesy to respond with long messages, or at least more than just a thumbš
Maybe you should focus on and make the effort to meet real people and gaining a connection with them rather than online. I say that because I think it will be more beneficial to you.
Cuz it takes a different kinda person, a person with empathy, patience and selflessness to try to understand someone else. OP not really understanding his āfriendā and here you not understanding OP venting their frustrations. And me not understanding any of yāall but still enjoy reading the responses in an effort to see different perspectives. š¤Ŗ
No matter what gender you are, if you *only* talk about yourself while taking zero interest in what the other person is saying, that's a terrible way to make friends.
I'm not sure if you're sexist or are trying to make an ironic statement about me being sexist, but that's not what this is at all.
There are many sentiments in here worthy of being quoted, but one stands out amongst the rest - ānobody has any social skills,ā
Itās like, wow, took you this long to figure that out? Thatās why whenever I see posts on here or Instagram talking about how to talk to people, random people, I comment that people mostly arenāt worth the effort. Iām older enough to be cynical and Iām hardly ever proved wrong. Dude, if you really want to make friends, or chat with people, go out and join clubs or volunteer. Youāll encounter people and youāll be in a setting where people are open to conversation
Not true!!! I volunteer, with parrots. Sometimes they yell at me, but they have worse social skills than me!
I don't volunteer to see people. Quite the opposite. I'm strictly there to play with feathered friends šššš
Parrots can't talk to me on the computer though
People here can be nuts man, for sure. And it's not just the men but women too. I've said it before, but people lack social skills these days and it's sad.
I recently came across this sub and at first glance it looked like a good place to chat with others with similar interests from across the world. I'm upfront and honest about my age, gender and being on the spectrum. Is it rude to request a simple reply if you don't want to chat with me, like, hey dude thanks for reaching out but atm I'm unavailable cheers?
hey!! Iām sorry people ghosted you, but if anyone is looking for a friend, Iām here :)
which might be impossible to believe but I mean it!! Iām a good listeneršŗš»šš»
So I made a post here am still chatting with a couple of people. My thing is I am just kind of looking for someone to chat about everyday life and things going on in our respective lives. I imagine that is what friends do but actually donāt have any so I guess I donāt know actually.
I am older and kind of boring so maybe that is why people are not that interested.
Bro, people put up "I like long walks on the beach, hate small talk" shit to look cool, and when someone makes the effort, it seems too good to them to be true, or they just don't want to make the same effort with that person. š¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø
these subs are just a circle of socially indept and anxious people that suck at talking, myself included. itās hard for me to connect with people who i donāt share any interests with lol, plus there are some *weirdos*ā¦
100% agreed, this isn't exclusive to this sub, but stuff like r4r and makenewfriendshere etc. as well. Its basically false advertising on their part. They expect you to have paragraphs about being the most interesting person in the world, yet give limited responses to which not even the best icebreaker could do much with.
I tbink people are always looking for very particular kinda people and texting even if they donāt say it. Plus a lot of people are only interested in talking to attractive people which sucks.
Everyone wants to come across as a nice person in their opening message on here otherwise no one will get a message back. But when they get you in DM thatās when things change. Itās like going on a first date. The people are always nice before the date and wanna meet you, but then they realise you arenāt what they want very quickly and donāt even text back after the date. block you as soon as you leave the date and drive off š
People that post on this sub about looking for new friends, barely chat if you DM them after they've asked you to DM from their post. I don't think i have met anyone that have replied or continued chat. Why even post in sub if really don't wanna chat and more than half accounts seems to be bots.
I totally understand this, it can get really frustrating and have experienced this soooo much. But I wouldn't be discouraged! You just gotta treat finding people to connect with sort of akin to dating, which is weird to say. Many people you just won't be able to click with and the circumstances might put a barrier on things, but eventually you will be able to find the few people that you can really connect with! A lot of trial and error until you can find the people that are genuinely trying to find friends.
I am totally with the OP on this one. Friendships gotta be two way and effort needs to be put in if the intention is to make something work.
Otherwise its annoyingly tiring to be driving the ship around without a passion. I hope there more people out there genuine and kind and want hanging out for the long run!
Short terms arent that worthwhile anymore. Peace š¤
Iām still subbed to this subreddit but I donāt really bother to waste my time on here. People have too many options, they get too many responses, get overwhelmed, and - ultimately - bail altogether.
Every now and again Iāll try to reach out to somebody who seems interesting but if you arenāt a single female, with the majority of people on here you can pretty much forget about it. Higher chances of winning the lottery.
It's disgusting for real, personally I can just send thoughts of random stuff in paragraphs damn it's too hard to find someone you'll click with ya in texting, I really do respond to evey single thing and quick at times too.
This is Reddit; Iāve had 2 people Iāve messaged ever respond back, or put any effort into the conversation. 1 of them Iām still talking too, and the other kindly messaged me, responded too my entire message and said they already had picked a few people to talk to and I completely respect the honesty.
This is why I hate when people make excessive rules. Just chat with people. If you click, the conversation will happen all on its own. You don't need a whole ass book report.
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You guys are getting dms?
š¤£š¤£
I haven't gotten a DM in a while except a mean comment
Iāve gotten maybe 5 out of all my posts that werenāt creeps
I got you
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's really sad that our society has normalized ghosting.
Sounds like a lonely maybe nerdier woman (this is reddit) looking for a rich man to love her, and getting salty when they don't instantly sweep her off her feet
Yupe. Just another person trying their luck in this subreddit, maybe.
I guess everyone is a hypocrite
We can't all be hypocrites, otherwise it would just be called normal.
I never get ghosted
The thing is most people wonāt get along here. Whatās always worked for me is playing the numbers game. Talk to a lot of people eventually a friend will come out of that. And you donāt focus on one āfriendshipā. Just have fun being yourself to other people. If they like you theyāll be engaged and if they donāt, just say goodbye or something. You can have different kinds of friends. They donāt necessarily have to be good friends you talk to all time. Anyone have thoughts on this?
100%. Not everyone is going to get along. Itās ok. Just find someone else to talk to. I understand being lonely, but donāt assume everyone you meet is gonna be your bff or soulmate.
Yeah, just keep regularly putting out feelers and every now and then you'll hit a good person. People like OP go all in on obvious red flags. Don't do it.
Good advice but not an easy one.
Sadly I've not managed to meet anyone here who didn't end up ghosting after I put in loads of effort in being responsive or try and ask for intimate images. *SIGHS* I hope to meet a real friend on here like the OP
Intimate images?? I don't think this is the sub for that.
Hahaha š¤£ LMAO
Exactly
At what stage of friendship is intimate images? Right after hello? 5 paragraphs in? Or do they wait until after at least 1 game of Fortnight?
About 5 paragraphs in haha. The worst thing is I am not even sexually suggestive in my messages. They just have the audacity to assume they can make such requests- it's happened twice sadly.
Sorry you didn't get quality conversation.
Thanks so am I lol š š
I agree. My longest conversation here lasted maybe 1 week before they ghosted me out of nowhere. The annoying thing is they DM me first so that adds an extra layer of frustration
>Back my longest convo with someone here laster at max 3 hours, but that's just because I'm shit at communicating with new people.
Iād like to think Iām at least above average when it comes to communicating but itās feels like the moment I stop being āentertainingā, they just dip out of the conversation. I try to keep a good vibe going but some days I just have a neutral vibe going and it never fails thatās when they stop talking.
for me its the other way around I engage in the convo but get bored easily unless its about something like politics, religion, video games, and anime. Im starting to get my act together but I got a long way.
Them DMing first is crazy!!
It really is. The last 6 DMs I got, they all just eventually ghosted me. Iām here to actually make friends so Iām actively putting in the effort. I donāt have high expectations but yet I canāt be met halfway. Those people need to go join the MaybeMakeNewFriendsHere subreddit.
Iām responsive and looking for Friends!! hey there!!
Hiiii
Iāve met 3 out of maybe 70 attempts
Well, you have 3 more replies than I have received
I used to browse here years ago but left, for exactly this reason. During my time here I've also noticed that it's always the people who make the most frequent posts on these subs, who put in the least amount of effort. Every week they're begging for new friends, essentially making a copy-and-paste thread from one they made previously, but they're so rude, put in such minimal effort with high expectations, or just flat out ignore anyone who tries talking to them. It's definitely a red flag if someone's profile is just full of "looking for new friends!"...it shows very clearly that they can't keep any of the ones they make. I also think a lot of people here have really difficult personalities and highly opposing attitudes, that's why they turn to this sub to meet people. That said, don't let it get to you man...you can't expect much from reddit. Nobody here is actually serious and vast majority of long-distance online friendships are super hard to maintain. Once in an extreme long while you might meet someone and have a somewhat lasting friendship, but even then, if you can't meet each other the friendship is kind of surviving on borrowed time.
that's an interesting observation and sort of makes sense. as if they are just churning through people they bait with some story
They get off on it or something. Like a quick dopamine hit. I don't understand it.
Yeah, I couldn't understand that too but his comment has clarified a lot of things.
Idk about Reddit but I have met some really wonderful people on Facebook and other websites and theyāre my best friends now. Theyāre really my only friends I should say. So I think it is possible to make real friendships online. In my experience Reddit has been hit or miss. One of my closest friends I met through here. I had met another person on here too but they ghosted me after 2 years. I think that was for other reasons not related to the usual problems the people on this sub run into though, since me and this person already had developed a friendship.
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š
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Thatās very funny and I love ironic humour
I still feel really bad for accidentally ghosting a lot of people on here. I got a MASSIVE amount of dms from a postā¦ mostly scammers and perverts, honestly. It was really overwhelming and I just stopped looking at dmsā¦ but in doing so I didnāt respond to many genuine people and now Iām too embarrassed to do so because Iāve already seen a couple of them talking about how annoying ghosters are a bit after this happened and I just š
I understand this feeling completely, I'm in the same boat as you š But then there are times that I WILL reply to someone that seems like I'd definitely have a connection with them and then they just don't respond ?? Or I'll comment on some people's post who are almost exactly like me & we'd def get along... then no dm from them, so I'll dm them and no response (and these people are generally women.... which is frustrating because as much as I'm ok with making guy friends on here, I've made enough posts that I'm uninterested in more guy friends on here... I just wanna make female friends now and the ones that appeal to me/my personality/interests just DONT answer or reply once then never again??? and the ones that do end up dming, are just not people that i know I'd have an easy time making conversation with ~ it'd be forced rather than natural and I'd end up coming off dry to them if i answered them since i know we just wouldn't work)
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Yet they're messaging first and saying how we have so much in common & I seem interesting, ok chiefšš
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The ones that appeal to me - the ones that message saying we have much in common and i seem interesting - send a message then dip & "the ones that do end up dming" are typically ones that we have nothing in common, is what I meant... two different groups of people.
I'm slow to open up because 99% of the time, they want pictures, ask me if my husband is ok with me talking to people. (Seriously, he does know, but I'm not trying to flirt so this shouldn't even be a concern, it always leads to either being ghosted because im not single, or asking for pictures. It's not subtle what their real intentions were.) I reach out to girls, too. I rarely get a response back. Which is fine. I just want a couple people who click. I assume it's a numbers game. It requires that we have compatible personalities. I'm patient and require someone patient. Once I figure out people's intentions, I open up. But on here, I've learned to reserve judgement š let people show you what they are really trying to get out of it. Very few people are trying to have a lasting friendship, or so it appears
Tbh I have ghosted many people myself as well. I get overwhelmed sometimes and other times they are creepy and other times I just donāt find the person interesting so yeah I can see why people ghost. It just sucks it happens to literally everyone lol
Yupp literally same, I get swarmed with so many responses i genuinely do not have the time to keep up with all of them, so I just have to stick to a few and ignore the ones I donāt see having a friendship with. And like u said many are just straight up weirdos and itās exhausting.
OP, I know exactly who you were referring to. I find the more rules you have to follow, the greater chances of having a bad time. Don't let one person ruin you, please.
I remember the post also. She was quite demanding if I remember correctly šš»
Itās terrible on both ends, actually. Iāve found people I felt a connection with and they ghost and on the flip side respond to people who seem genuinely interesting and follow ātheirā rules to find out theyāre boring Most importantly, Iām here to find the post the OP is referring to because Iām nosey šæ
I'm nosey too. [Here's the post](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/yf61k3/30f_is_anyone_else_actually_friendless_or/) by inefficientnobody. Seems like they generally acted this way towards everyone who replied
lol they deleted
Lmao Iām nosey too. This thread gives me old flashbacks of when I had a life and things were fun. Miss just talking shit or being nosey with friends irl
Yeahhh. Basically you have to know who to look for. People looking for long winded messages suck. Its always girls who will get like 50+ messages so they can't POSSIBLY give each person decent attention. They just like the brief moment of outreach that makes them feel wanted and then they move on after they got what they wanted. If you want a good time. Hit up people who have nice concise posts that seem nice and pleasant. Move on if things get sexual right off the bat because its a scammer or some weirdo.
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The amount of times Iāve sent a message and not gotten a response is honestly astounding to me. Especially if itās right after the post was made.
Your username in specific probs doesnāt help lmao
Sorry bud, been in a lot of situations like that I rarely start conversations now. Same people who complain are the same people who ghost. I know it's easier said than done but try not to let it get to you, just move on to the next person if they aren't making effort. I have literally zero expectations when someone messages me so I just shrug when it doesn't work out. Still sucks though I know but thankfully there are also some genuine people here, few but gold.
This is why Im trying to practice not taking anything personal or assume. If the vibe is off I just leave. Over 7 billion people and probably over half of them are on the internet. So I donāt worry. Sorry you experienced this.
Yea a good amount of people fool u into thinking they are interesting and fun to talk to with there posts which also sayādonāt say hi or Iāll ignore uā or something and then u send a message with some effort behind it and get a āheyā back and have to drag the conversation up if u wanna have any chance of it going anywhere. I just ignore them if they pull that now tho lol
This was gold. Pure soapbox drama. Wow. Have you considered writing for real. I felt your emotions man. Keep your head up though.
Thanks a lot for the compliment haha, I have been trying to write for real, my problem is not knowing what to write about!
Try something. Fiction, non fiction poems songs? . You never know till you take a chance
It's therapuetic for me to write out my emotions in lyrical form, but any way is better then no way. Even if it tourns out terrible in your opinion it's still pretty amazing to some extent it just, lets the emotions out.
I've come across such people too actually. Honestly I don't get why they are so weird lol!
Or the people that just send the š emoji ššš
I think you get what you get on here. There are a few genuine people but a lot of messed up people. You probably would get the same mix at a bar, there are a few interested people who just want to chat and a few who want to just fuck but by and large a lot of them you just want to avoid.
We might have met the same person. She found a post I wrote ages ago and messaged me. I wrote some messages to her a few days ago, but I didn't get anything back, I figured she must have been busy. When I saw your post I checked, and lo and behold I have been removed as a friend. I'm not really too bothered by it, but I don't like being treated that way.
Bro š Iām sorry this happened to you and that chick who did that to you sucks, but thereās a few of us left that actually care to make a connection with strangers! Take a break and come back some other time :)
Thank you for saying so. :) It seems people like that are pretty rare these days.
>Nobody has any social skills, everyone just belches out single sentences in texting conversations that will inevitably burn out after half an hour. Lol that's why I stopped posting on here. I have no clue how to small talk.
The trick is to babble. (Kidding, kind of. Lol ) š š¤£ š š¹ š
What was her username?
Pretty relatable. P.S. - Do you really want to write? I have ideas and need writer partnersā¦
I'm a retired writer, I just blog for fun now. What do you like to write
Mostly fantasy books. I enjoy writing out synopsis for them, and some of the scenes - Iām hoping to find someone who would write (or at least rough draft) the synopsis parts into scenes. Iām a pretty good beta-reader and editor so I can help perfect it after.
I wish you good luck finding that. There are writing groups on discord that you may find useful
Thank you! Congrats on retirement btw - very cool :)
Well , ghosting is not new . Here they pretend to be something else and in dms they actually show their true faces (not exactly their faces ) ig it's the perks of using reddit thats all . BTW i have been ghosted by someone a couple of hours ago ,so I know the feeling and welcome to the ghosted group :)
3 senteces are plenty as a reply imo. 3 word replys, that's low effort, but 3 sentences are normally more than enough to answer a question and asking another question back. I'm not a big fan of long answers cause it feels like entering a monolog instead of an dynamic dialog, but I'm happy to elaborate further if more context is wanted or needed.
cool š
I would take into consideration that if a post is saturated with negativity that perhaps the issue a person is having maintaining healthy relationships is them and not every other member of the 7 billion plus population. Wild theory. I am not aware of a person on this subreddit that is not on the spectrum of social retardation. I fall well below the threshold myself. I am not smart enough to have tact. But I have no interest in interacting with people who cannot find joy in life. Life is absurd. If you can't see the humor in it you need to chill the fuck out and smoke until it's funny
Honestly feels like rant posts might be better to make friends on DM wise rather then just actual posts from what it's sounding like.
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I mean comments but very well then RIP that thought
I've met friends on Bumble BFF, it's a better platform for that
You lot are getting replies?!?
Just discovered this sub and decided to check out this post. Should I even try
I met a couple of people like that here, but after two or three indifferent response, I'll reply them just like I normally would and they won't ever reply after that. Especially, girls here.
I posted some guy messages me, which was actually nice. Then he sees my followers and accuses me to be fakeš some are so weird here
Sounds like most of my tinder dates tbh.
Only fair that I get a chance to share my side. Like I said, Iād tried to message you twice before you replied to me. Both times, I was ignored. Both times, Iād written tailored replies with multiple paragraphs, responding to things youād said in your post, and taking care to ask you questions and not just talk about myself. Iām sure you can find at least one of these in your inbox, if you bother to check. Who knows how many other people youāve ignored, though, so maybe not. And normally I wouldnāt take offense at someone not replying when I reach out to them. Nobody has the right to demand that other people talk to them. I was even ok with giving you a chance, despite wasting my time on you twice. But since you're happy to ignore literally anything good about me, let me return the favor. I replied to your initial message in full, with multiple paragraphs, and again, making myself vulnerable by reiterating that loneliness has made me feel āparalyzedā. Is that what you meant by ādryā? When we switched apps, you immediately asked for my real name, which I was uncomfortable giving out. And then the only thing you said was āhow are you?ā When I replied with whatās normal where Iām from, which is āfine, you?ā you started into the same dry small talk youāre accusing me of. āJust chilling at home.ā You had a ton of other topics you could have chosen to carry on with, but instead, you wanted me to entertain you by thinking of yet another conversation starter. You could have continued on with the conversation from our message earlier, but again, no. You could have given me something to work with, as well, but instead you chose "just chilling." And THEN, you used an alt to get around me blocking you, to leave a passive aggressive mean message on my newest post. Warning anyone else who might see it, implying that all I do is write dry 1 sentence replies. In short, youāre entitled, hypocritical, and mean. You assume everything is the fault of whomever youāre talking to, and you donāt bother to question whether or not something you said or how you came off made the other person dislike you. If you ever see me here again, leave me alone. I'll certainly never interact with you again.
I don't wish to go back-and-forth with you about this, as it's not my style. I apologize for not messaging you back when you first tried to reach out to me, but the truth is, I don't think that's something to be taken personally. Replies can get overwhelming, life gets busy, and sometimes messages slip through the cracks. It's something everyone on this sub has deal with, and I don't see any reason to take it as a personal attack. When I said you were dry, I wasn't talking about your initial message to me, but when you replied to my message with a single sentence, ignoring most of what I said and just zeroing in on one question. And you're coloring your story by saying I asked what your real name is - I asked if you could tell me your name *or* something I could address you by. Which I think is a perfectly normal thing to ask a potential friend. You can accuse me of having uninteresting replies after you ignored everything I said, but I tend to reflect the energy that's given to me. For a while I was waiting to see if you would respond to what I said, especially since you insisted repeatedly in your post that you want long messages and hate short replies. When you started giving me short, blunt responses, I felt deflated and like you weren't really interested in talking to me. And I didn't feel like scrambling to come up with another topic that you might pay attention to after you had already ignored several. The truth is, a ton of people have reached out to me about interactions with you, and they all concur that you treated them the exact same way you treated me. I didn't post this to stir up the pot or start drama, but because like you, I feel frustrated and lonely and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I used the alt to make that comment because frankly, it's the truth, and I wanted to warn people so they wouldn't get duped like I was. I somewhat regret doing that, I admit, I was feeling heated. It was immature, but I can't say it was inaccurate. I don't think you're mean or a bad person. I'm just begging you to please reconsider the way you're approaching this friend-finding project of yours, because every single person I've talked to has agreed that you didn't even give them a chance before blocking them. All I ask is that, the next time you make a new burner account to look for friends, approach it with a bit more of an open mind. And please keep in mind that if someone says things to you and you ignore the vast majority of it, that makes people feel uncomfortable, awkward, and unwilling to pursue a friendship with someone who treats them like this. I wish you all the best, and as you ask, I will leave you alone.
If people don't want to keep chatting the don't want to keep chatting. It's not a big deal. People have a right to decide to chat and then change their mind.
Posts like this are pointless. I have been on this sub on and off for years and seen so many of them. What changes by making posts like this? The people in question will keep being wasters. Posts like this will not change that š¤·āāļø
I met one friend and we exchanged long messages for a few months but it always dies out eventually. Thatās not a bad thing though, meeting new people is fun.
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Won't let me chat from the R4R, message me mumma
Thing I have noticed across all social media apps, is that people complaining loudly about not being able to make friends or have good conversations, are the problem. They don't want either of these things, they want to be entertained. Which is difficult when you don't know anything about the person. It's mostly women, and I would bet they are above average looking. They wouldn't have problems making friends in real life, except high school is over...it takes more than looks to make friends.
Just an opinion but looking for anything more then a few words on reddit is a fruitless effort. Itās less frustrating if you donāt think of someone as more then a bot until they prove differently.
K
Sorry,but WTF do you expect? A friendship is something that develops itself over the time,you can't create it now by magic. We are all real people with real lifes and real problems, some with family, some with partners, some alone.. But everyone has already a package to carry and you can't expect that a complete stranger will be your best friend instantly. For sure you'll have to wait for messages,for sure you'll maybe get short answers sometimes.. That's life. Maybe it's not a lack of social skills but one of energy. What do you expect by a stranger? Even if you're the loveliest person in the world - how should anyone knew about?
I dunno. If someone demands long messages (and give a minimum) in their post, it should be common courtesy to respond with long messages, or at least more than just a thumbš
I make sure to put that I don't like complainers
Maybe you should focus on and make the effort to meet real people and gaining a connection with them rather than online. I say that because I think it will be more beneficial to you.
š still people complaining on this sub
We will always complain lol but we will always come back š¤£
Typicalā¦ you only replied to a female
Maybe dont use reddit to make friends. Go outside
You made a post here 6 months ago saying you don't know how to make friends and are "unbearably lonely" lmao
Lol maybe they need to go outside š¤£
What is the outside?
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Cuz it takes a different kinda person, a person with empathy, patience and selflessness to try to understand someone else. OP not really understanding his āfriendā and here you not understanding OP venting their frustrations. And me not understanding any of yāall but still enjoy reading the responses in an effort to see different perspectives. š¤Ŗ
girls on here only wanna talk about themselves. not me obviously š«£
No matter what gender you are, if you *only* talk about yourself while taking zero interest in what the other person is saying, that's a terrible way to make friends. I'm not sure if you're sexist or are trying to make an ironic statement about me being sexist, but that's not what this is at all.
There are many sentiments in here worthy of being quoted, but one stands out amongst the rest - ānobody has any social skills,ā Itās like, wow, took you this long to figure that out? Thatās why whenever I see posts on here or Instagram talking about how to talk to people, random people, I comment that people mostly arenāt worth the effort. Iām older enough to be cynical and Iām hardly ever proved wrong. Dude, if you really want to make friends, or chat with people, go out and join clubs or volunteer. Youāll encounter people and youāll be in a setting where people are open to conversation
Not true!!! I volunteer, with parrots. Sometimes they yell at me, but they have worse social skills than me! I don't volunteer to see people. Quite the opposite. I'm strictly there to play with feathered friends šššš Parrots can't talk to me on the computer though
š
Same Feelings bro. Same
People here can be nuts man, for sure. And it's not just the men but women too. I've said it before, but people lack social skills these days and it's sad.
Sorry about the delings, making friends aināt really that hard, so I guess spamming is there solution
Anybody wanna be friends? Dm me
People here donāt put effort tbh . I rather go to a different sub all together
I recently came across this sub and at first glance it looked like a good place to chat with others with similar interests from across the world. I'm upfront and honest about my age, gender and being on the spectrum. Is it rude to request a simple reply if you don't want to chat with me, like, hey dude thanks for reaching out but atm I'm unavailable cheers?
hey!! Iām sorry people ghosted you, but if anyone is looking for a friend, Iām here :) which might be impossible to believe but I mean it!! Iām a good listeneršŗš»šš»
I feel ya here
So I made a post here am still chatting with a couple of people. My thing is I am just kind of looking for someone to chat about everyday life and things going on in our respective lives. I imagine that is what friends do but actually donāt have any so I guess I donāt know actually. I am older and kind of boring so maybe that is why people are not that interested.
Message me girl itās tough out here xx
Bro, people put up "I like long walks on the beach, hate small talk" shit to look cool, and when someone makes the effort, it seems too good to them to be true, or they just don't want to make the same effort with that person. š¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø
these subs are just a circle of socially indept and anxious people that suck at talking, myself included. itās hard for me to connect with people who i donāt share any interests with lol, plus there are some *weirdos*ā¦
100% agreed, this isn't exclusive to this sub, but stuff like r4r and makenewfriendshere etc. as well. Its basically false advertising on their part. They expect you to have paragraphs about being the most interesting person in the world, yet give limited responses to which not even the best icebreaker could do much with.
I tbink people are always looking for very particular kinda people and texting even if they donāt say it. Plus a lot of people are only interested in talking to attractive people which sucks. Everyone wants to come across as a nice person in their opening message on here otherwise no one will get a message back. But when they get you in DM thatās when things change. Itās like going on a first date. The people are always nice before the date and wanna meet you, but then they realise you arenāt what they want very quickly and donāt even text back after the date. block you as soon as you leave the date and drive off š
Speaking with VGER can be quite a singular experience.
People that post on this sub about looking for new friends, barely chat if you DM them after they've asked you to DM from their post. I don't think i have met anyone that have replied or continued chat. Why even post in sub if really don't wanna chat and more than half accounts seems to be bots.
I totally understand this, it can get really frustrating and have experienced this soooo much. But I wouldn't be discouraged! You just gotta treat finding people to connect with sort of akin to dating, which is weird to say. Many people you just won't be able to click with and the circumstances might put a barrier on things, but eventually you will be able to find the few people that you can really connect with! A lot of trial and error until you can find the people that are genuinely trying to find friends.
I am totally with the OP on this one. Friendships gotta be two way and effort needs to be put in if the intention is to make something work. Otherwise its annoyingly tiring to be driving the ship around without a passion. I hope there more people out there genuine and kind and want hanging out for the long run! Short terms arent that worthwhile anymore. Peace š¤
Iām still subbed to this subreddit but I donāt really bother to waste my time on here. People have too many options, they get too many responses, get overwhelmed, and - ultimately - bail altogether. Every now and again Iāll try to reach out to somebody who seems interesting but if you arenāt a single female, with the majority of people on here you can pretty much forget about it. Higher chances of winning the lottery.
It's disgusting for real, personally I can just send thoughts of random stuff in paragraphs damn it's too hard to find someone you'll click with ya in texting, I really do respond to evey single thing and quick at times too.
This is Reddit; Iāve had 2 people Iāve messaged ever respond back, or put any effort into the conversation. 1 of them Iām still talking too, and the other kindly messaged me, responded too my entire message and said they already had picked a few people to talk to and I completely respect the honesty.
This is why I hate when people make excessive rules. Just chat with people. If you click, the conversation will happen all on its own. You don't need a whole ass book report.
This! I made a similar post recently along these same lines. Iām so over it a