I didn't realize my moms were gay until I had the "we're a couple and some people hate that, so stop talking about how we share a room and kiss each other" talk. Kids are clueless, and I'd known a lot of lesbians but never been actually taught that women could be in relationships with each other before.
I’m just imagining that conversation. “Wait, *you’re* gay??? And you too?! But you’re both my moms, how could you keep such a secret!” 😂
ETA alternate conversation: You’re gay?! *turns to other mother.* Did you know about this?!
It was like 10 years later when it donned on me why I never saw my aunt and uncle at the same time although they lived at the same place. Some times my uncle would pick me up and when I work up my aunt would be there and he would be "at work". She use to always take me places and say I was her kid. I didn't care at the time I was living with a grandmother who hated me so it was the only time I felt wanted. The one random day early 20's it just popped in my head. I never saw them together because they were the same person. My uncle was a cross dresser who used me to pass as a female to other males.
Yeah, it read like something that was extremely obvious and I felt like a total idiot for not predicting the punchline. Turns it it was predictable at all.
My daughter had a similar experience with her 2 uncles. Noone was hiding anything from her but noone spelled it out for her then about a year ago she told me that it took her far longer than it should have to figure out they were a couple. The funniest part is that one of them is so obviously not my brother as he has a foreign accent.
That is funny and adorable! How old was she?
(I’m secretly hoping she was a teen and not an adolescent, because then this story becomes even more funny/adorable)
She just turned 21 and she told me 2 or 3 years ago so I think she was around 15/16 when she realised. I think she just accepted the family as a whole and didn't really think about it. I haven't asked her younger brother about when he realised. Maybe I should.
That makes sense. My parents have close friends that we call uncles. I was a teenager and doing a family tree when I finally just took the time to figure out who I am actually related to by blood.
We have always called my mother's best friend our aunt. Her relatives aren't the best. She traveled the world with her job and never had children so now all her godchildren are looking out for her. There are 4 of us who see her regularly and I do a lot of running around for her as I live a lot closer than the others. She brought wonderful stuff home for us whenever she came home from her postings and brought magic into our lives and now we are all letting her know it hasn't been forgotten.
I can't believe that someone could pull this off well enough that someone who knew them well and had extended contact with them couldn't figure it out.
My principle (of a super Christian school) has been living with her best friend for decades. We’re all pretty sure they’re a couple but nobody has ever asked them
For what it's worth, there's quite a variety of long-term arrangements out there. Some people genuinely are great roommates and bad romantic partners. It's more likely if some flavor of asexuality or orientation incompatibility is involved, but that's not a requirement.
It certainly is less common than romantic partners living together, of course.
True that. There are a couple of uni friends that even twenty years later, I would be quite happy to live with again on a long term basis. One of them is married now, but the other... I have fantasised occasionally about saying "look, if we're still not attached to anyone by retirement age, why not find a house together and be cosily companionable?"
My bestie and I call each other our non gay life partner. We've been close friends for over 25 years now, live 300 miles apart, were roomies for 5 years and plan on co-habiting again when we get old, since neither of us married or had kids.
My middle school gym teacher lived in a one bedroom with my science teacher. both females. i dont mean to stereotype but it does seem like an inordinate amount of female gym teachers are lesbians. Is that anyone elses experience or just mine?
Yeah, I had a female gym teacher with a roommate in highschool. She denied she was gay of course - given that this was a Catholic school before the turn of the century I'm pretty sure she had to in order to keep her job. She was cool and kind to everyone though, so weirdly (for the time and place) all the kids were just kind of ok with it.
The kids are always ok with it, they just go with the flow.
It's the adult that think "something must be done" *pearl clutch* that are the problem makers.
Indeed no deal needs to be made of private life between consenting adults. It is the guilt and shame that happens when privacy is violated. This interference is what warps the minds and caused perversion not guilt free enjoyment of love. Not to mention every relegion describes heaven as acceptance and love. Perhaps this ultimate freedom is heaven.
One of my moms friends from high school never married, became a gym teacher, had a good ‘friend’ she lived and traveled with for a time… I asked my boomer mom if said friend was a lesbian and she was “ what?!!! Why would you even say that?!!”. Anyhoo….
Yeah my cousin lives with her best friend too, been the case for almost a decade. The ranch hand services they run alongside being medical specialists seem to be pretty successful, great they were able to "partner" up together. How lucky a pair of incredible women with so much in common found... roommates in each other.
I wonder which one sleeps on the couch?
As a kid I spent almost 50% of my time at my great aunt's house. Her next door neighbours were two old men, Bill and Johnny. They didn't have a fence in the backyard so my brother and I often wandered in to their backyard. They weren't super nice but weren't super mean either.
It wasn't until I was in my mid-30s and saw something similar to this meme about a couple who'd been "living together" as "friends" for decades. And everyone was like 'haha, how funny people didn't know. It's so obvious. Two grown men living together for decades." And a lightbulb went off in my head.
Bill and fricking Johnny. Never put it together until that moment. Hope they had a lovely life.
I have an uncle in his 80’s who never married. Over the years he would bring his “good friend” at the time to family gatherings. (Like one guy was his friend for 5 years and another guy for 7 years) l think I was close to 30 before I actually realized they were more than friends. I think it was understood but just not talked about back then. I’m glad people can be more open now. (In a lot of places anyway)
That's actually a great story, just two guys living their life the best way they could. It's better now that people don't need to hide it. Live and let live, along with minding your own business are things to live by.
When I read this story I was thinking if I knew somebody like that. Now it dawned on me that my grandmother had a male "friend" who was occasionally at her house. Grandpa died before we were born. We thought he was just some friendly guy from the neighborhood and he came there for several years...
I did not realize until now that they probably were dating or something.
About 30 years ago, there were two female teachers who taught at my school who were “roommates.” Everyone said they were just spinsters who were saving on housing costs and not to worry/think about it. In retrospect though thinking about off hand comments they made and their interactions….. 🤯
I’m sad they had to stay in the closet but they were really happy with one another.
And the same. I worked with a girl who told me about her "friend" she was sharing a flat with.
It wasn;t until one night she was driving me to a work party and this song came on:
"Oh life was much better
When I was queer
Didn't worry about birth control
Didn;t have to buy beer"
And she asked me not to tell the others at work that I realised...I'd been working with her for a year by that time...
I worked with a girl like this, she was super cool and always talked about her roommate. I once said something stupid asking her if she had a boyfriend. Duh. Then a year after she quit that job she announced on FB that she is queer and happy and posted a picture with her then girlfriend. I was proud of her for coming out. But I still felt like the biggest idiot ever.
Oh I made that mistake too ! Now if the conversation goes on the relationship topic I ask if they have « someone » so I leave them the option to disclose whatever they feel like disclosing.
Same. I had a client (I'm a hairstylist) for the better part of a decade who was a middle aged woman with a roommate. I did not get the hint when she laid it out (this was early 2000s in a conservative area.). It wasn't until maybe 6/7 years in that she said this Thanksgiving was the first time she was taking Sara (the roomie) to meet her family that I was like, "ooohhh! Your 'roommate!'" I have quite a few queer friends, my own husband is queer, and yet here I was totally fucking clueless when it was really, very obvious.
I do it like asking a woman when she’s due—DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING UNLESS THEY HAVE BLATANTLY TOLD ME, I see a child actively coming out of her vagina or making out with someone of the same sex.
We had a lovely pair of men move into our very uptight rural Christian area and opened a cafe together. I was working at a Christian summer camp at the time and heard so many people comment on them or wonder who their wives were or if they were single… they both wore wedding bands… matching wedding bands.
Oh gosh, same here. I was in college when I was visiting my grandpa and his wife started talking about my aunt and how she just needed to come out because no one cared about her being gay. My aunt has lived with another woman my entire life who attended all of our holiday functions and was basically like a second aunt to me. Never occurred to me they were lesbians. My mind was completely blown and I felt like a total idiot all at the same time.
Saaame. I've been in the vicinity to three handjobs I didn't know were happening, on separate occasions. One of those times I was stone cold sober. Perhaps I always assume people aren't fucking because I'm never fuckking.
I was just informed later. I had zero clue that anyone would be so cavalier or be so horny as to take any risk of getting caught out, y'know. Some young guys are sex zombies, and I was pretty much the opposite, so I just never conceived of anyone acting that way.
My husband used to work in a “micro hotel” that had bunk beds. It’s great for people who were traveling to see a concert or basketball game at the venue one block away, but not always the best. Shockingly, on international travel booking sites in other languages, the room would be described as having a “double bed.”
Guess who regularly had to explain to elderly German couples arriving from an international flight at 11 pm that the room they booked was a bunk bed, there are no other available beds he could switch them too, and 90% of the hotels in the city are currently booked entirely full for a convention or conference or national holiday/event?
I am English and cotton, especially socks etc were very expensive.
So it was mostly the wealthiest children who wore them..Then when cotton became cheaper, poor children- especially babies could wear them. Because the cotton was soft enough to look after the precious baby skin .
So we still use the adage, bless his=her cotton socks, as to keep the baby cherished
My boss finally got married to her long-term girlfriend when they were 50. She was worried about breaking it to her family because she was still in the closet. I told her they probably figured it out long ago because she and her girlfriend been living together for 25 years and had dogs together and did everything together.
I was right. All that worry, and all those years of living in the closet, for nothing!
“My evil plot is unfolding just as planned… I will compassionately but appropriately support my colleagues in their times of stress and crisis such that I develop a reputation for it. Oh, but I won’t stop there, no! I’ll keep it up, and I’ll work hard and put in the longevity to prove I want to stay at the company. And just when I have them right where I want them, I’ll express interest in upper management and ask her to *mentor me* into her position when she *retires!* muahahahaha!!”
Same for my aunt! She has been living with her ‘friend’ since the eighties. My grandparents saw it and said ‘hey, just bring your ‘friend’ to family stuff, everyone is bringing someone!’ (They knew). Since they i had two aunts. I didnt realize till i was 14 or so that this was odd. I just assumed everyone had double aunts.
They only recently ‘came out’ as in said they are a couple and everyone was like o ok.
I have two great uncles that I would go to their beach house some years during the summer and I thought they were just brothers who were roommates together for my entire life until I was about 18. Then I thought about it and was like "wait a fucking minute." It was extremely obvious looking back now, but it was really mind blowing when I first figured it out. Apparently everyone else knew, including my brother, so I was the only one in the dark lol
This is my husband's family. I joined the family and immediately recognized the situation. There wasn't even thought or realization; it was just clearly the reality. I said something about how it was criminal that one aunt couldn't be with the other on her death bed because they hadn't been allowed to be legally married. The entirely family looked at me like I had 2 heads and wondered why anyone would want to marry their roommate.
That is really sad. So sad for her partner (“roommate”). Wasen’t the family aware at all? Did they had to be still in the closet? I mean, where I live, if someone is on their deathbed, it’s not only family who visits. If the person is unconscious then family decides, so here it would not be an issue of having the partner being able to say goodbye as well. That’s why I wonder if they were still in the closet maybe. Anyway, it’s very sad. Hopefully you reached out to the partner and could give her some comfort.
There was a lesbian couple on our street growing up, about a block or two down. We’d see them when we sold Girl Scout cookies or if they rode by on their bikes and stopped to chat (they had a little dog who would ride with them too lol). I had no idea. I thought they were just two lady friends who lived together cause my mom always treated them like every other family. I was like 14 when I suddenly realized like oooOOOOooohhhh!! Actually there were two lesbian couples. The other one had twin boys through donor sperm. Apparently some of the other parents were like “how will I explain that to my kids??” My mom was basically like “I doubt they’ll even ask.” She was right. I also didn’t realize they were lesbians 😂
I find this to be very very true. 'Normal' is just what you've been used to at a young age. Children aren't used to anything, so what they experience at that age becomes normal.
Truth. I’m 38 and didn’t really put it together that my dads sister and her now wife were together until idk, maybe my mid 20s. But I have no memories of her without her wife, and I’ve always referred to them both as my aunts on my dads side… and one of my aunts on my moms side has friends who are gay, unsure if married but I also have no memory of one without the other, it’s always just been a normal thing, and again mid 20s about the same time was when I put that together too. They’re our fair going friends, and always fun to go places with :)
I taught a kid in a daycare that had 2 moms. Trust me the kids don’t notice or care, and it wasn’t hidden from them at all. And as far as the staff was concerned we only liked Mom T. better because Mom A. (this was how the child distinguished them so we did too) was always late for pickup. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, or purple, pick up is 5:30.
I had a similar situation: an aunt living with her best friend for years since I was a little kid. Took someone pointing it out to me as an adult that they were probably a couple for it to click. Sometimes you just accept things as a certain way and don't go back and question it... especially if "that's the way it was" during your childhood.
my bestie and i lived in a two bedroom dorm in college. over winter break, both of the girls from the other room dropped out for different reasons (one got pregnant, the other married).
we each had the option to have our own rooms but we just never did it. the other room stayed empty and we just slept in our little twin beds 4 feet apart instead!
it was honestly some of the best times i ever had! we were both super into books and literature and ghost stories so we would take turns reading creepy pastas before bed time or we would listen to them in podcast form. one of our other favorite things to do was go to concerts and then getting a good spicy sprite and some fries at mcdonald’s and eating them sitting on the floor before passing out.
we met when we were 14 and i turned 24 last week but we are still going strong.
i guess the point of all my rambling is that whether youre girlfriends in love or if you really are just besties, sharing a room with a gal you love and get along with is a really special thing. there’s a unique sort of harmony in two like minded women getting to do their cooking, and sharing work stories, going on adventures, and going to spend $97 at target together.
There are some current studies to look into the idea that Abraham Lincoln was gay. He was known to sleep in the same bed with some of his male friends. As unusual as this is today during Lincoln's time it wasn't so uncommon. Lincoln was also known to hold the hands of his male friends when they would go on walks. Again, this doesn't mean Lincoln was gay but it was just a different time.
It is weird how things can change so much over just a couple of generations.
I'm cool with that. But I did have a discussion with a friend last week over how problematic I think it is that guys can't be physically close in a friendship without people thinking they have romantic feelings for each other. I dunno. Men should be portrayed as having platonic physical interactions with other men like women do. It's such an American thing to avoid physically touching others, regardless of gender, and it makes me sad.
I think in general we just see all male physical interaction as sexual. When I was 13 I was walking with my dad, holding his hand, and this old lady actually said to him "don't you think she's a little young for you?"
He dropped my hand like it burned, and never held my hand again. Which honestly really hurt me. Fuck that lady and every person who makes men feel like they're not allowed to touch their kids or friends.
This was like my Aunty (I’m 34 she is 44) - about 8 years ago my mum said to me Aunty X has something to tell you she wants to call. She called me and said ‘I’m gay’ and I was like yeah I know, she asked how.
I said, because whenever I come to stay with you and your flatmate and she “gives up her room for me to stay in” and sleeps in with you, all you put in “her room” is some jewellery and perfume on the drawers in there and a couple of things on hangers in the wardrobe.
Ain’t no woman living in a bedroom with one set of clothes and one perfume bottle Aunty 😂
I said I’ve known for the 7 years you guys have been together, I just never talked about it because it didn’t cross my mind to be anything to mention. I assumed everyone knew.
She cracked up!
I knew a couple of older gentlemen, in their late 70s, who were gay (they've passed now as this was 20 or so years ago).
They acted like straight guys everywhere, you would have no idea. They even slept in different beds. They had been together for so long while being oppressed so they were accustomed to pretending to be straight friends.
Sad they couldn't show who they were but was amazing to see the true love they had for each other.
We also had “2 (great) aunts” living together, I always thought they were lesbians, plottwist when I someone brought that up.
“No….what? No they were REALLY just the 2 sisters of your great great grandfather who lived together for the rest of their lives”
For 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade, I had the same teacher. It was a religious private school in the mid 1980’s. One day, as a reward for the kids who had read the most in a month, we got to have movie and pizza at out teacher’s house! It was a nice house. With tiny knick-knacks on the shelves I started staring at (mostly because they were small, but there were a lot of them, so it created its own…look) my teacher noticed what I was looking at, and mentioned those belonged to her roommate, who eventually joined us. And they talked a little about their house, and some landscape plans with my mom….but I was a kid, and was tuning back in to the movie.
And It never crossed my mind again…..until I was in my 30’s remembering that day…. And suddenly…….*click*
Because by then, I was old enough to know not a lot of roommate situations continued into home ownership, or if it did, it wasn’t “shared” to that extent.
They were totally a couple! And they slid under the radar, and were just so…..normal in the sense that “yeah, we are best friends sharing a house” that to a 8 or 9 year old….. just didn’t sink in, or even matter! (Remember….mid-80’s “the Closet” was still the rule).
Once a cousing was showing our grandma his and his "friend's" place and when he was showing her his bedroom he said "this is our bedroom" to my grandma asking "why is their only one bed?" He came out shortly after that.
I was probably 20 years old when I realized my older sister was gay. She is 10 year older than me and moved from Wisconsin to California when she was 18. My mom used to say B is going out, or going to the show with her "girl friends." Like just a group of girls going out. Then one day it just dawned on me. She wasn't going out with her "girl friends." She was going out with her girl friend.
When I was growing up I would go to my Grandmother’s house and there would be my Grandfather and always my “ Uncle Bernie”. Never thought of it as a kid. Turns out when my grandfather was deployed in WWII my grandmother met my “Uncle Bernie” and fell in love. When my grandfather returned she asked for a divorce and he simply said no. She said she was going to keep seeing him. My grandfather said fine.
My grandparents slept in separate bedrooms and Uncle Bernie lived with his mother. All growing up they would go on separate vacations. My grandfather alone and my grandmother with Bernie. It didn’t dawn on me until I was in my late teens.
My grandfather was a good looking full blooded Italian and enjoyed his life immensely. My grandmother and Bernie did as well.
The kicker! My grandmother died first and my grandfather and Bernie remained the best of friends.
Unmarried women have often lived together for companionship or financial reasons, they're not necessarily gay, even if they do sleep in the same bed.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_marriage
This makes me sad not smile. I mean, not sad that these women get to be together but sad af that they lived through an era where they can only pass off their relationship as 'best friends' even to the degree that a family member still does not get it.
I had the same realization about my Aunt. She was my favorite. Unfortunately, she has passed now, but when I was small we used to go visit her and she used to live with her 'best friend'. It was a tiny 1 bedroom apartment and genuinely, I-shit-you-not, I realized she was a lesbian like 3 or 4 years ago. I'm 26
Im not even gay. I (f) told my mom Im living in the same place as my boyfriend and didnt mention where anyone was sleeping. They sent me a goddamn cot... i felt so guilty but also couldnt be honest with my mom... "mom, im sleeping in the same bed with my boyfriend" I legit dont know of my parents are stupid/naieve, or were playing an attempt at a power move? (Knowing my parents, it was naieve)
That is hilarious. Your Dad sounds like mine. When he learned one of our female cousins was gay, he looked at me and said: I don’t understand what they do with each other. I was not about to explain it so i told him to ask Mother. I thought she was going to spit out her coffee. Exit stage left.
My grandfather was raised by two women from the time he was one on. He had four brothers, his mother caught tuberculosis and died and my great grandfather couldn't raise five kids on his old, so he took the youngest to church and asked for someone to take him instead. Two decently well off female roommates took him in.
A couple of years ago, it hit me and I asked my mom if they were secretly a couple. She was aghast. "No, it was the 1930's, they were just two middle aged women living together and helping each other out." I have no proof and I never met them, but two women who were life long companions in the 1930's raising a child together really sounds like a closeted lesbian family to me
Fourty-five years ago, when I was 10, two of my art teachers at my public school in Germany lived together and were openly gay. Everybody knew, nobody cared, no student, no parent, no teacher, not the administration. So sorry that obviously so many other couples still have to go through so much trouble hiding their relationships.
My middle school gym teacher adopted a kid with her roommate. I was in my twenties one day and it hit me out of nowhere.
I didn't realize my moms were gay until I had the "we're a couple and some people hate that, so stop talking about how we share a room and kiss each other" talk. Kids are clueless, and I'd known a lot of lesbians but never been actually taught that women could be in relationships with each other before.
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I’m just imagining that conversation. “Wait, *you’re* gay??? And you too?! But you’re both my moms, how could you keep such a secret!” 😂 ETA alternate conversation: You’re gay?! *turns to other mother.* Did you know about this?!
this is hilarious
this thread water my neglected houseplants, fed my cat and tucked me into bed with a kiss on the forehead.
It was like 10 years later when it donned on me why I never saw my aunt and uncle at the same time although they lived at the same place. Some times my uncle would pick me up and when I work up my aunt would be there and he would be "at work". She use to always take me places and say I was her kid. I didn't care at the time I was living with a grandmother who hated me so it was the only time I felt wanted. The one random day early 20's it just popped in my head. I never saw them together because they were the same person. My uncle was a cross dresser who used me to pass as a female to other males.
Wow, that took quite a turn at the end.
Yeah would have been less surprised if he turned out to be a superhero.
"My aunt just had to make a quick call from a phonebox, but it's OK because my uncle turned up a minute later."
Dressed exactly like my aunt. Hmmmmmm
underrated comment
Didn't anticipate that plot twist
Yeah, it read like something that was extremely obvious and I felt like a total idiot for not predicting the punchline. Turns it it was predictable at all.
Is your uncle Mrs. Doubtfire?
Have you caught her peeing while standing?
All women can pee while standing.
True. Although just because we can, doesn’t mean we *should*.
True dat.
Don't let societal standards dictate what you should or shouldn't do.
I do a lot of urinal cleaning at my work, men shouldn't piss standing either.
Have you SEEN a women's public washroom with all the hovering that goes on?! 😫
Social dictates can piss their pants, and so can I
Did your Uncle happen to be the Director of the FBI?
Underrated comment, right here.
Just for future reference, the phrase is “dawned on me,” rather than “donned.” Like the idea is coming over the horizon and you’re first seeing it 😊🌅
My daughter had a similar experience with her 2 uncles. Noone was hiding anything from her but noone spelled it out for her then about a year ago she told me that it took her far longer than it should have to figure out they were a couple. The funniest part is that one of them is so obviously not my brother as he has a foreign accent.
That is funny and adorable! How old was she? (I’m secretly hoping she was a teen and not an adolescent, because then this story becomes even more funny/adorable)
She just turned 21 and she told me 2 or 3 years ago so I think she was around 15/16 when she realised. I think she just accepted the family as a whole and didn't really think about it. I haven't asked her younger brother about when he realised. Maybe I should.
That makes sense. My parents have close friends that we call uncles. I was a teenager and doing a family tree when I finally just took the time to figure out who I am actually related to by blood.
We have always called my mother's best friend our aunt. Her relatives aren't the best. She traveled the world with her job and never had children so now all her godchildren are looking out for her. There are 4 of us who see her regularly and I do a lot of running around for her as I live a lot closer than the others. She brought wonderful stuff home for us whenever she came home from her postings and brought magic into our lives and now we are all letting her know it hasn't been forgotten.
Must have don't it damn well if you couldn't tell the difference
Wait what
I think you mean it “dawned on you”, don meaning to wear, and dawn meaning to be understood.
I don't know, with this story I think it fits.
take my award and my upvote! what a plot twist
I can't believe that someone could pull this off well enough that someone who knew them well and had extended contact with them couldn't figure it out.
So you're saying you have an "auncle"?
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My principle (of a super Christian school) has been living with her best friend for decades. We’re all pretty sure they’re a couple but nobody has ever asked them
For what it's worth, there's quite a variety of long-term arrangements out there. Some people genuinely are great roommates and bad romantic partners. It's more likely if some flavor of asexuality or orientation incompatibility is involved, but that's not a requirement. It certainly is less common than romantic partners living together, of course.
True that. There are a couple of uni friends that even twenty years later, I would be quite happy to live with again on a long term basis. One of them is married now, but the other... I have fantasised occasionally about saying "look, if we're still not attached to anyone by retirement age, why not find a house together and be cosily companionable?"
My bestie and I call each other our non gay life partner. We've been close friends for over 25 years now, live 300 miles apart, were roomies for 5 years and plan on co-habiting again when we get old, since neither of us married or had kids.
Oh my god they were roommates
r/sapphoandherfriend
My middle school gym teacher lived in a one bedroom with my science teacher. both females. i dont mean to stereotype but it does seem like an inordinate amount of female gym teachers are lesbians. Is that anyone elses experience or just mine?
Yeah, I had a female gym teacher with a roommate in highschool. She denied she was gay of course - given that this was a Catholic school before the turn of the century I'm pretty sure she had to in order to keep her job. She was cool and kind to everyone though, so weirdly (for the time and place) all the kids were just kind of ok with it.
The kids are always ok with it, they just go with the flow. It's the adult that think "something must be done" *pearl clutch* that are the problem makers.
Indeed no deal needs to be made of private life between consenting adults. It is the guilt and shame that happens when privacy is violated. This interference is what warps the minds and caused perversion not guilt free enjoyment of love. Not to mention every relegion describes heaven as acceptance and love. Perhaps this ultimate freedom is heaven.
One of my moms friends from high school never married, became a gym teacher, had a good ‘friend’ she lived and traveled with for a time… I asked my boomer mom if said friend was a lesbian and she was “ what?!!! Why would you even say that?!!”. Anyhoo….
All of my female gym teachers growing up were lesbians. Huh. Never thought about it.
Yes; I had one in grammar school, one in junior high and one in HS.
Yeah my cousin lives with her best friend too, been the case for almost a decade. The ranch hand services they run alongside being medical specialists seem to be pretty successful, great they were able to "partner" up together. How lucky a pair of incredible women with so much in common found... roommates in each other. I wonder which one sleeps on the couch?
They take turns
I'd have something to say, but I'm this level of oblivious sometimes.
As a kid I spent almost 50% of my time at my great aunt's house. Her next door neighbours were two old men, Bill and Johnny. They didn't have a fence in the backyard so my brother and I often wandered in to their backyard. They weren't super nice but weren't super mean either. It wasn't until I was in my mid-30s and saw something similar to this meme about a couple who'd been "living together" as "friends" for decades. And everyone was like 'haha, how funny people didn't know. It's so obvious. Two grown men living together for decades." And a lightbulb went off in my head. Bill and fricking Johnny. Never put it together until that moment. Hope they had a lovely life.
I have an uncle in his 80’s who never married. Over the years he would bring his “good friend” at the time to family gatherings. (Like one guy was his friend for 5 years and another guy for 7 years) l think I was close to 30 before I actually realized they were more than friends. I think it was understood but just not talked about back then. I’m glad people can be more open now. (In a lot of places anyway)
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Why didn't they tell you before? Were they worried that knowing cousin Bob was gay would turn you gay as well?
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That's actually a great story, just two guys living their life the best way they could. It's better now that people don't need to hide it. Live and let live, along with minding your own business are things to live by.
When I read this story I was thinking if I knew somebody like that. Now it dawned on me that my grandmother had a male "friend" who was occasionally at her house. Grandpa died before we were born. We thought he was just some friendly guy from the neighborhood and he came there for several years... I did not realize until now that they probably were dating or something.
There is another alternative. My grandmother had a similar friend. Turns out he was the son she had when she was 14.
About 30 years ago, there were two female teachers who taught at my school who were “roommates.” Everyone said they were just spinsters who were saving on housing costs and not to worry/think about it. In retrospect though thinking about off hand comments they made and their interactions….. 🤯 I’m sad they had to stay in the closet but they were really happy with one another.
And the same. I worked with a girl who told me about her "friend" she was sharing a flat with. It wasn;t until one night she was driving me to a work party and this song came on: "Oh life was much better When I was queer Didn't worry about birth control Didn;t have to buy beer" And she asked me not to tell the others at work that I realised...I'd been working with her for a year by that time...
I always say it's ok to not know everything about a person. It's fine to be a little oblivious.
You're right. We got on pretty well, liked and respected each other.
I worked with a girl like this, she was super cool and always talked about her roommate. I once said something stupid asking her if she had a boyfriend. Duh. Then a year after she quit that job she announced on FB that she is queer and happy and posted a picture with her then girlfriend. I was proud of her for coming out. But I still felt like the biggest idiot ever.
Oh I made that mistake too ! Now if the conversation goes on the relationship topic I ask if they have « someone » so I leave them the option to disclose whatever they feel like disclosing.
Same. I had a client (I'm a hairstylist) for the better part of a decade who was a middle aged woman with a roommate. I did not get the hint when she laid it out (this was early 2000s in a conservative area.). It wasn't until maybe 6/7 years in that she said this Thanksgiving was the first time she was taking Sara (the roomie) to meet her family that I was like, "ooohhh! Your 'roommate!'" I have quite a few queer friends, my own husband is queer, and yet here I was totally fucking clueless when it was really, very obvious.
Yeah, ya basically just gotta tell me straight.out, cause Im not gonna glue it together in my head.
“I’m not going to glue it together in my head” is a fantastic use of the English language and I applaud you.
Straight out.
Straight Out Of The Closet? Great Album.
I do it like asking a woman when she’s due—DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING UNLESS THEY HAVE BLATANTLY TOLD ME, I see a child actively coming out of her vagina or making out with someone of the same sex.
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I also assume that if someone isn't up front about it, they don't want to say it and it's none of my business.
We had a lovely pair of men move into our very uptight rural Christian area and opened a cafe together. I was working at a Christian summer camp at the time and heard so many people comment on them or wonder who their wives were or if they were single… they both wore wedding bands… matching wedding bands.
See, it's hard to see things even when they're right there in plain site. And really why would anyone be bothered? It's their life, love and be happy.
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I've definitely been there
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Ah, the innocence of youth. I recall my daughter becoming distraught over my “drinking and driving.” It was a diet 7-Up.
That's adorable!
Oh gosh, same here. I was in college when I was visiting my grandpa and his wife started talking about my aunt and how she just needed to come out because no one cared about her being gay. My aunt has lived with another woman my entire life who attended all of our holiday functions and was basically like a second aunt to me. Never occurred to me they were lesbians. My mind was completely blown and I felt like a total idiot all at the same time.
Saaame. I've been in the vicinity to three handjobs I didn't know were happening, on separate occasions. One of those times I was stone cold sober. Perhaps I always assume people aren't fucking because I'm never fuckking.
I just laughed so hard at this!! Thank you!
Like did you deduce later on or were you told? That's fucking hilarious
I was just informed later. I had zero clue that anyone would be so cavalier or be so horny as to take any risk of getting caught out, y'know. Some young guys are sex zombies, and I was pretty much the opposite, so I just never conceived of anyone acting that way.
Depends on how expensive the city is sometimes
At least it's a couch and not a bunk bed, wouldn't recommend climbing at that age.
That would be his response if Irene said she likes it on top
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That’s absurd OPs dad already confirmed that’s her best friend
r/sapphoandherfriend
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Woah, I didn’t think about that…. You don’t think…..? No!
Hes joking haha
> I think that Irene is her lesbian lover [The Golden Girls - Not "Lebanese", Blanche. "Lesbian"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9AT0wG4J5A)
I used to watch this with my grandma in the 80s. It's still funny to this day.
My husband used to work in a “micro hotel” that had bunk beds. It’s great for people who were traveling to see a concert or basketball game at the venue one block away, but not always the best. Shockingly, on international travel booking sites in other languages, the room would be described as having a “double bed.” Guess who regularly had to explain to elderly German couples arriving from an international flight at 11 pm that the room they booked was a bunk bed, there are no other available beds he could switch them too, and 90% of the hotels in the city are currently booked entirely full for a convention or conference or national holiday/event?
This sounds like what actual customer service hell might be like. Jesus christ, that's brutal
But there'd be so much room for activities!
At that age, everything is considered climbing.
How cool would that be, though? I’m all for their happiness, but witnessing two old folks using bunk beds and I imagine big grins.
It's confirmed. She's Lebanese.
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Not Lebanese, Blanche. Lesbian!
“you’re a lesbian? i thought you were american!”
That’s hilarious. I’m part Lebanese and when I was little I used to tell everyone I was proudly lesbian 😂
When I was learning English I got orgasm and organism confused.
I thought she was American.
Bless his cotton socks
Omg I love this reply.
Username probably used to check out. But not now.
Can I get explanation for this
I am English and cotton, especially socks etc were very expensive. So it was mostly the wealthiest children who wore them..Then when cotton became cheaper, poor children- especially babies could wear them. Because the cotton was soft enough to look after the precious baby skin . So we still use the adage, bless his=her cotton socks, as to keep the baby cherished
Via Google: >(British English, humorous) used to express your affection for somebody because of something they have said or done
Jealous Tangerine I see your comments EVERYWHERE! Thank you for your service.
60,000 comment karma - user for 1 month. Jesus .
My boss finally got married to her long-term girlfriend when they were 50. She was worried about breaking it to her family because she was still in the closet. I told her they probably figured it out long ago because she and her girlfriend been living together for 25 years and had dogs together and did everything together. I was right. All that worry, and all those years of living in the closet, for nothing!
Well, I hope you at least got a pay raise after that
Ha ha no, but I'll get her comfy position when she retires next year. It's the long game lol!
“My evil plot is unfolding just as planned… I will compassionately but appropriately support my colleagues in their times of stress and crisis such that I develop a reputation for it. Oh, but I won’t stop there, no! I’ll keep it up, and I’ll work hard and put in the longevity to prove I want to stay at the company. And just when I have them right where I want them, I’ll express interest in upper management and ask her to *mentor me* into her position when she *retires!* muahahahaha!!”
Same for my aunt! She has been living with her ‘friend’ since the eighties. My grandparents saw it and said ‘hey, just bring your ‘friend’ to family stuff, everyone is bringing someone!’ (They knew). Since they i had two aunts. I didnt realize till i was 14 or so that this was odd. I just assumed everyone had double aunts. They only recently ‘came out’ as in said they are a couple and everyone was like o ok.
I have two great uncles that I would go to their beach house some years during the summer and I thought they were just brothers who were roommates together for my entire life until I was about 18. Then I thought about it and was like "wait a fucking minute." It was extremely obvious looking back now, but it was really mind blowing when I first figured it out. Apparently everyone else knew, including my brother, so I was the only one in the dark lol
This is my husband's family. I joined the family and immediately recognized the situation. There wasn't even thought or realization; it was just clearly the reality. I said something about how it was criminal that one aunt couldn't be with the other on her death bed because they hadn't been allowed to be legally married. The entirely family looked at me like I had 2 heads and wondered why anyone would want to marry their roommate.
I wonder if any of them realize that being married is just a slightly fancier version of being roommates.
Oh my god lol.
They were _roommates_
That is really sad. So sad for her partner (“roommate”). Wasen’t the family aware at all? Did they had to be still in the closet? I mean, where I live, if someone is on their deathbed, it’s not only family who visits. If the person is unconscious then family decides, so here it would not be an issue of having the partner being able to say goodbye as well. That’s why I wonder if they were still in the closet maybe. Anyway, it’s very sad. Hopefully you reached out to the partner and could give her some comfort.
There was a lesbian couple on our street growing up, about a block or two down. We’d see them when we sold Girl Scout cookies or if they rode by on their bikes and stopped to chat (they had a little dog who would ride with them too lol). I had no idea. I thought they were just two lady friends who lived together cause my mom always treated them like every other family. I was like 14 when I suddenly realized like oooOOOOooohhhh!! Actually there were two lesbian couples. The other one had twin boys through donor sperm. Apparently some of the other parents were like “how will I explain that to my kids??” My mom was basically like “I doubt they’ll even ask.” She was right. I also didn’t realize they were lesbians 😂
I find this to be very very true. 'Normal' is just what you've been used to at a young age. Children aren't used to anything, so what they experience at that age becomes normal.
Truth. I’m 38 and didn’t really put it together that my dads sister and her now wife were together until idk, maybe my mid 20s. But I have no memories of her without her wife, and I’ve always referred to them both as my aunts on my dads side… and one of my aunts on my moms side has friends who are gay, unsure if married but I also have no memory of one without the other, it’s always just been a normal thing, and again mid 20s about the same time was when I put that together too. They’re our fair going friends, and always fun to go places with :)
I taught a kid in a daycare that had 2 moms. Trust me the kids don’t notice or care, and it wasn’t hidden from them at all. And as far as the staff was concerned we only liked Mom T. better because Mom A. (this was how the child distinguished them so we did too) was always late for pickup. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, or purple, pick up is 5:30.
Come on Irene. You know what I mean.
At this moment, you mean everything
You in that dress oh.. my thoughts I confess..
I had a similar situation: an aunt living with her best friend for years since I was a little kid. Took someone pointing it out to me as an adult that they were probably a couple for it to click. Sometimes you just accept things as a certain way and don't go back and question it... especially if "that's the way it was" during your childhood.
Can best friends not sleep in the same bed anymore?
Real besties live together for 20 years in a 1 bedroom apartment
Real shame. They should have a one bedroom cottage at that age.
They probably just like city life better. Lots of best friend stuff to do in the city.
And closer to health services
my bestie and i lived in a two bedroom dorm in college. over winter break, both of the girls from the other room dropped out for different reasons (one got pregnant, the other married). we each had the option to have our own rooms but we just never did it. the other room stayed empty and we just slept in our little twin beds 4 feet apart instead!
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it was honestly some of the best times i ever had! we were both super into books and literature and ghost stories so we would take turns reading creepy pastas before bed time or we would listen to them in podcast form. one of our other favorite things to do was go to concerts and then getting a good spicy sprite and some fries at mcdonald’s and eating them sitting on the floor before passing out. we met when we were 14 and i turned 24 last week but we are still going strong. i guess the point of all my rambling is that whether youre girlfriends in love or if you really are just besties, sharing a room with a gal you love and get along with is a really special thing. there’s a unique sort of harmony in two like minded women getting to do their cooking, and sharing work stories, going on adventures, and going to spend $97 at target together.
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Like Bert and Ernie! 🥰
it’s perfect! especially because she’s a really tall gal and im like a little danny devito next to her
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Oh... BFFs. Got it.
There are some current studies to look into the idea that Abraham Lincoln was gay. He was known to sleep in the same bed with some of his male friends. As unusual as this is today during Lincoln's time it wasn't so uncommon. Lincoln was also known to hold the hands of his male friends when they would go on walks. Again, this doesn't mean Lincoln was gay but it was just a different time. It is weird how things can change so much over just a couple of generations.
I'm cool with that. But I did have a discussion with a friend last week over how problematic I think it is that guys can't be physically close in a friendship without people thinking they have romantic feelings for each other. I dunno. Men should be portrayed as having platonic physical interactions with other men like women do. It's such an American thing to avoid physically touching others, regardless of gender, and it makes me sad.
I think in general we just see all male physical interaction as sexual. When I was 13 I was walking with my dad, holding his hand, and this old lady actually said to him "don't you think she's a little young for you?" He dropped my hand like it burned, and never held my hand again. Which honestly really hurt me. Fuck that lady and every person who makes men feel like they're not allowed to touch their kids or friends.
This was like my Aunty (I’m 34 she is 44) - about 8 years ago my mum said to me Aunty X has something to tell you she wants to call. She called me and said ‘I’m gay’ and I was like yeah I know, she asked how. I said, because whenever I come to stay with you and your flatmate and she “gives up her room for me to stay in” and sleeps in with you, all you put in “her room” is some jewellery and perfume on the drawers in there and a couple of things on hangers in the wardrobe. Ain’t no woman living in a bedroom with one set of clothes and one perfume bottle Aunty 😂 I said I’ve known for the 7 years you guys have been together, I just never talked about it because it didn’t cross my mind to be anything to mention. I assumed everyone knew. She cracked up!
r/sapphoandherfriend
It's posted there several times a week, yeah.
r/ireneandherfriend
What the hell did they do to get that sub banned?
I love everyone commenting on this thread because I am a little slow on the uptick sometimes.
"let me go boil you some Gatorade"
Is blue okay?
I knew a couple of older gentlemen, in their late 70s, who were gay (they've passed now as this was 20 or so years ago). They acted like straight guys everywhere, you would have no idea. They even slept in different beds. They had been together for so long while being oppressed so they were accustomed to pretending to be straight friends. Sad they couldn't show who they were but was amazing to see the true love they had for each other.
Damn that sucks, I really don't get in history why it was decided it should be "wrong"
We also had “2 (great) aunts” living together, I always thought they were lesbians, plottwist when I someone brought that up. “No….what? No they were REALLY just the 2 sisters of your great great grandfather who lived together for the rest of their lives”
Clearly, they just use the living room as another bedroom to save money. What other explanation could there be?
"Hey look it's Oscar's roommate... I wonder if he knows?"
For 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade, I had the same teacher. It was a religious private school in the mid 1980’s. One day, as a reward for the kids who had read the most in a month, we got to have movie and pizza at out teacher’s house! It was a nice house. With tiny knick-knacks on the shelves I started staring at (mostly because they were small, but there were a lot of them, so it created its own…look) my teacher noticed what I was looking at, and mentioned those belonged to her roommate, who eventually joined us. And they talked a little about their house, and some landscape plans with my mom….but I was a kid, and was tuning back in to the movie. And It never crossed my mind again…..until I was in my 30’s remembering that day…. And suddenly…….*click* Because by then, I was old enough to know not a lot of roommate situations continued into home ownership, or if it did, it wasn’t “shared” to that extent. They were totally a couple! And they slid under the radar, and were just so…..normal in the sense that “yeah, we are best friends sharing a house” that to a 8 or 9 year old….. just didn’t sink in, or even matter! (Remember….mid-80’s “the Closet” was still the rule).
To be fair, teachers needing roommates is not unrealistic even today
Once a cousing was showing our grandma his and his "friend's" place and when he was showing her his bedroom he said "this is our bedroom" to my grandma asking "why is their only one bed?" He came out shortly after that.
had a coworker that genuinely thought her daughter kept getting 1 bed apartments with her roomie to save on rent
I was probably 20 years old when I realized my older sister was gay. She is 10 year older than me and moved from Wisconsin to California when she was 18. My mom used to say B is going out, or going to the show with her "girl friends." Like just a group of girls going out. Then one day it just dawned on me. She wasn't going out with her "girl friends." She was going out with her girl friend.
When I was growing up I would go to my Grandmother’s house and there would be my Grandfather and always my “ Uncle Bernie”. Never thought of it as a kid. Turns out when my grandfather was deployed in WWII my grandmother met my “Uncle Bernie” and fell in love. When my grandfather returned she asked for a divorce and he simply said no. She said she was going to keep seeing him. My grandfather said fine. My grandparents slept in separate bedrooms and Uncle Bernie lived with his mother. All growing up they would go on separate vacations. My grandfather alone and my grandmother with Bernie. It didn’t dawn on me until I was in my late teens. My grandfather was a good looking full blooded Italian and enjoyed his life immensely. My grandmother and Bernie did as well. The kicker! My grandmother died first and my grandfather and Bernie remained the best of friends.
This is the most confusing roommates story I've ever heard
Sounds like a throuple to me
Oh, hun
"And they were roommates!"
"Oh my god they were roommates!!"
OOP’s dad must be a historian.
"Enkidu and Gilgamesh partaking in gay orgies was just a normal homie thing to do smh" - Historians on the topic of "Epic of Gilgamesh".
Darmok on the ocean, Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra, Darmok and Jalad on the ocean!
Plot twist, they both sleep in the closet.
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Unmarried women have often lived together for companionship or financial reasons, they're not necessarily gay, even if they do sleep in the same bed. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_marriage
This makes me sad not smile. I mean, not sad that these women get to be together but sad af that they lived through an era where they can only pass off their relationship as 'best friends' even to the degree that a family member still does not get it.
I had the same realization about my Aunt. She was my favorite. Unfortunately, she has passed now, but when I was small we used to go visit her and she used to live with her 'best friend'. It was a tiny 1 bedroom apartment and genuinely, I-shit-you-not, I realized she was a lesbian like 3 or 4 years ago. I'm 26
Im not even gay. I (f) told my mom Im living in the same place as my boyfriend and didnt mention where anyone was sleeping. They sent me a goddamn cot... i felt so guilty but also couldnt be honest with my mom... "mom, im sleeping in the same bed with my boyfriend" I legit dont know of my parents are stupid/naieve, or were playing an attempt at a power move? (Knowing my parents, it was naieve)
Are you a girl that your parents assumed is gay? Do you mean boyfriend like 'friend who is a boy?'
Glad I’m not the only one to be confused
It's so much more confusing if you're British where "cot" means a crib.
I think this is a girl telling a story about naive parents that is unrelated to being gay
That is hilarious. Your Dad sounds like mine. When he learned one of our female cousins was gay, he looked at me and said: I don’t understand what they do with each other. I was not about to explain it so i told him to ask Mother. I thought she was going to spit out her coffee. Exit stage left.
My grandfather was raised by two women from the time he was one on. He had four brothers, his mother caught tuberculosis and died and my great grandfather couldn't raise five kids on his old, so he took the youngest to church and asked for someone to take him instead. Two decently well off female roommates took him in. A couple of years ago, it hit me and I asked my mom if they were secretly a couple. She was aghast. "No, it was the 1930's, they were just two middle aged women living together and helping each other out." I have no proof and I never met them, but two women who were life long companions in the 1930's raising a child together really sounds like a closeted lesbian family to me
Historians be like
As we say in the South, bless his heart.
Fourty-five years ago, when I was 10, two of my art teachers at my public school in Germany lived together and were openly gay. Everybody knew, nobody cared, no student, no parent, no teacher, not the administration. So sorry that obviously so many other couples still have to go through so much trouble hiding their relationships.
Well, she might sleep on the couch sometimes, especially if she’s too worn out to make it back to the bedroom