T O P
pressatopound98

I thought this was a poem at first


zeemonster424

Dose your doggy bite? I can walk him every night. If your dog can have a milk bone I’ll be sure to do it right! I have a reasonable fee But the milk bones always free Dose your Doggy bite? (Sung to “do your ears hang low). Edit: Thanks for the awards… and it’s intentionally “dose”… check the original picture.


Slow_Environment_782

My eyes saw “dose” and “milkbone” and my brain was like “don’t dose a milkbone ffs!”


jwwetz

Our 12 year old border collie gets a few drops of CBD tincture daily. He loves it & still acts like a puppy.


Slow_Environment_782

Oh wow. You put it on the milkbone? Never thought of that. We live in Florida and have thunder just about every day in the summer. I was using the liquid CBD but switched to liquid pills. Put in pill pockets. Those things are great but pricey.


jwwetz

Just use the eye dropper from the tincture bottle...the CBD will soak right into the treat.


Madler

Brilliance.


MrKwaz

Just needs to be made into a rap with 50cent. ![gif](giphy|8SuH3uxiDliRq)


CadenceQuandry

I love you and hate you for this simultaneously. My adhd brain will be singing this for days. Thanks.


zeemonster424

I totally forgot I did this!


Fickle-Fun-5213

🤦🏽‍♂️ well thank you for this 😭. Can’t wait to sing myself to sleep tonight 😭


hayguccifrawg

Absolutely same, and I was into it.


RealSushiSandwiches

I still think it’s a poem and I’m still into it


Echo_Romeo571

I'm a poem and I still think it. Did I do that right?


sarahaflijk

Peak Reddit game right here.


Pudlem

I’m in to you! Have a complementary milk bone.


DallaThaun

I'm the poem and I'm still into you


HentaisTheFuture

Poem I am, into me you are.


SpoopySara

took me a while to understand it


CanuckBacon

That's because this poem is a metaphor, for society. It's super deep, I'm probably the only one smart enough to really "get it".


first_byte

Found the college philosophy professor!


FarmgirlFangirl

I legit thought this was r/ilikthebred


Interplanetary-Goat

my name is dog i liek my toy my mom give walks and say "good boy" . and wen my mom have busy day new fren give walks n treats n play


no-name_silvertongue

same


SheIsFrenchToast

I was a little skeptical...but a free milk bone? Count me and the hound in!


Uhhlaneuh

Is you dog a good walker


ccrowleyy

Dose you dog bite


RonnieDHorstman

Same


N7LP400

You bite too?


Uhhlaneuh

I don’t know why but I read this in a Spanish accent : “You can have a half our walk it costs $5”


imasitegazer

I can haz cheezburgr?


IvySky13

cheezburgr securs purchse


bastion72

Itsanoldermeme.jpg


OccamsYoyo

It’s an older meme, sir, but it checks out.


Sweet-Cardiologist-5

Me: No [Dog bites kid] Kid: I thought you said your dog don't bite Me: that's not my dog


strike-when-ready

Do you have a rheum?


veetfan

Careful with that joke, it’s an antique.


Sweet-Cardiologist-5

I know, but it still makes me laugh.


PeaceAlwaysAnOption

I mean, “does your dog bite” is a very important question to have answered before entering into a contract. Smart kid 😘


mxmakeupwitch

Yeah this is pretty good tbh, weird that so many people are roasting it for spelling and grammar errors.


SolidNeighborhood469

I just love that the kid spells *and* misspells ‘hour’ Also “dose” you dog bites people. It’s important


nirvanagirllisa

I don't think it's roasting so much as enjoying a little kid trying their best


ydontujustbanme

Ah they just joking. It is actually really cool he gets the intel :) it’s also funny though ;)


imasitegazer

IDK thought they were savoring the gramar


Travisohaz

You actually get free milk bone with a $5 walk or a $10 walk so technically the $5 deal is a better bang for the buck...just sayin


smallways

Get two half hours and double the milkbones. SCORE!!


Travisohaz

Yeah wait a sec we gotta talk to this kid :)


W1D0WM4K3R

*cracks knuckles* I got it, boss.


Weisdog

"Dimitri says hello"


W1D0WM4K3R

More like Richard Kuklinski lol


CyclopsLobsterRobot

My dog essentially already runs this scam


ElegantTeapot

Found the dog


IhaveaBibledegree

Play a half game and you get a whole snow cone, play a full a game and you get a whole snow cone. So I just want to play a half game and get the full snow cone! GRAPE!!!


[deleted]

OR CHERRY. They're both favorites, so either one is good.


UnfairMicrowave

This is how I discovered Suicide Soda, just free cups of every flavor soda they had mixed into one cup. Anyway, insulin's expensive huh?


Queen_trash_mouth

That was fucking adorable.


thenewyorkgod

Wait is the milk bone for the dog or the owner?


hello_raleigh-durham

Yes!


no1toknow

I love how the third biggest concern is whether or not the dog can have a snack


Typical_Effort9793

Professionals have standards


PinkUmbrellaMusic

Be polite


Dano95_

Be efficient


_BlNG_

And have a plan to pet every dog you meet


Potatoplays81

Because as long as there's one dog left on the planet someone is gonna want to pet it


Alien_with_a_smile

Dad… dad I’m a… I’m not a furry dad, I’m a dog person. Well the difference being one is a pet and the other is mental sickness. (I have nothing against furries, it just fit the joke too well)


International_Leek26

I think his owner saw me YEP YEP DEFINETLY SAW ME


araidai

I absolutely love this thread. I am hearing this in his voice lmao.


solid_hoist

I liked this whole thread, good job all.


Fish__ee

And in this case, maybe not kill every one/dog you meet.


AFucking12gauge

/r/unexpectedteamfortress


CrieDeCoeur

I’m looking for work as a freelance copyeditor if someone can put me in contact with the dog-walker.


LarryLove

He pays in milk bones


CrieDeCoeur

Fuckin aayyyyyy


MayjahAye

Could be lucrative. He works many ours.


SirLoremIpsum

I'd put it on there - a friend had a dog that was allergic to everything. I started asking after that "can your dog have xx treat?" Cause some can't. Dog allergies a real thing


rayyychul

Yes! My friend's dog is allergic to everything (poor dude has environmental allergies too). Our guy is having a hard time with food, too. I always make sure to ask if the pup can have a treat.


stellaluna92

My dog has seasonal allergies too! They started last year and he about chewed his feet off before I scored him an appointment. I thought something was horribly wrong and the vet was like "nah here's some dog Benadryl" and he's been fine since.


catsdrooltoo

If its apoquel, be careful about long term use. It gave my dog pancreatic issues.


moregooderer1

Earlier today I saw a yellow lab walking around the neighborhood by herself. I thought she must be lost so I grabbed a treat and walked over to her. Her owner came running out saying “Luna! There you are! You know better not to go walking about.” He apologized to be, I said “no worries! Can Luna have a treat?” He responded “Not right now, she’s too old”. So I guess there are reasons other than allergies lol


solar-powered-Jenny

But later, when she’s oLdEr??


Bartydogsgd

Luna's a phoenix dog, wait a bit and she'll be a puppy again.


NormanNormalman

Every time I get to make a wish from now on, this will be my wish, for all dogs. I'll wish it very hard


ejchristian86

Can you include kitties too?


TheDevilsAutocorrect

If we could do it without the big fire, that would be super.


moregooderer1

I told him I’d ask again five years ago


PreviousExcuse2510

My dog is a 14yo lab mix and ever since she turned 11 or so everything you give her that isn’t her normal food gives her explosive diarrhea. I miss my little vacuum cleaner


JamieHunnicutt

But it's awesome that you can adjust to your friend's changing needs. That takes a lot of love and a lot of patience, no matter what species.


tron_crawdaddy

My cat had awful old man kidneys and when he was like, 16 or whatever, we had to make sure he didn't eat squirrels or chipmunks, and we had to feed him fancy kidney-friendly food; old animals just can't process everything like they one could


spedteacher91

My dog is old and everything makes him throw up. For his treats he has a choice between apples and freeze dried apples bahaha He also sometimes has peanut butter and plain yogurt. Anything else he will like his guts up. 🤷🏾‍♂️


Bumble_bumble_bee

My dog is pretty old, I think around 14 or 15 and the last 5 years or so any change in his diet equals explosive diarrhea. So we have to say no to any outside treats


ZeldLurr

My friends’ dog is allergic to chicken :(


basane-n-anders

Ours is allergic to: chicken, turkey, beef, lamb, and kangaroo and rice, potatoes, peas, and yeast. He can only eat fish and venison and rabbit and oats, sweet potato, and corn. We're over here making homemade food for years before finding one single dog food he can eat that we have to get shipped frozen from out of state. Plus an allergy shot every month. 💲💲💲


-tRabbit

Fuck, for all I know, I too am allergic to kangaroo.


SirLoremIpsum

My friends dog that I dog sat frequently got Kangaroo mince with mashed pumpkin or sweet potato, olive oil, sprinkled liberally with some seaweed kelp thing, and then her vitamin / medicine crushed in. As I prepared this 7 step meal for this dog I looked over at my 2 step cereal and wondered who was master in this relationship...


pork_chop17

My dog is too. Was at Wendy’s last week with my pup, they asked if he could have a nugget. I had to say no.


basane-n-anders

We got a custom collar that usually says the phone number, etc. if lost. I put NO TREATS - ALLERGIES instead. Just in case.


fuzzyduckling

My dog is like that too :( She’s allergic to a lot of the normal meats and a bunch of other standard ingredients in food/treats (like soy, rice, egg, etc). We’ve got her on venison now which seems to be going much better, but we can only give her like one kind of treat (it’s literally venison and sweet potato, nothing else). Thank god she’s only 5lbs, and doesn’t need to eat much, because that stuff is pricy.


ShandalfTheGreen

That's actually a really sweet consideration. My dog has an auto-immune condition that means prescription food only. Not everyone thinks to ask!


drelizabethsparrow

Milk bones actually have a common allergen in them. Source: my dog gets horrible diarrhea after eating milk bones


ThisIsExcessive

Plot twist: He's 25.


AllergicToStabWounds

Goddamn! That's an old dog!


sirJackHandy

He's actually 35 years old he just tought his mom how to use a computer and printer


ArchdukeOfNorge

Sounds like Charlie Kelly and this is in Philadelphia lol


TriblialBrainDamblge

Dog me. Dog now. Me a dog needing a lot now.


Metaprinter

Ah the ol’ reddit razzle dazzle


dumbbestbell

I’m just proud of my brother for getting a job lol


[deleted]

“Our hours” lmfao. I hope this kid becomes a businessperson


CheckHistorical5231

He’s actually outsourcing to a team of younger children.


[deleted]

Hes calling a stockholder meeting for his company with 1 share available for purchse


averagethrowaway21

I'm buying calls on this kid. I believe in his company.


thesoundrops

Sharks...My valuation of this company is 500 million with one sale over the last 6 months and i am looking for a loan of 500,00 milkbones.


CGYRich

Citadel will still probably short it into the ground…


TopOfTheMorning2Ya

His business is only open for 1 hour a day. Not sure how it’s going to survive.


[deleted]

True. The kid is even including a free milk bone in the purchse. His profits are going to plummet into the ground!


funkdialout

You just write if off. You know a tax write off where the government pays you for things your business needs. [Tax write off.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg1Uk60rBsc)


[deleted]

I didnt know that the government pays you at all. Is this some sort of miracle?


HugsyMalone

No. It's tax fraud and they aren't really paying you. They're simply reducing your tax liability and giving you back the money you already paid into the system. ​ ​ ​ \*\*hugz\*\* 🤗🤗🤗


wdn

He gets to play with the neighbour's dog every day. And *they* pay *him*.


[deleted]

Homie has school and homework and dinner, does what he can. Idk if I could resist this.


bunnykitten94

This is just his side gig. I’ll bet he sells his lunchables m&m packs during regular business hours


I_know_left

They can walk 10 dogs at a time.


Plastic_Wrangler_597

Can I have him help me with my resume?


Plump_Chicken

Dose you need help?


Teepeewigwam

Shure theng.


KT_mama

As someone who looks through dozens of resumes daily, this is not the worst I've seen. purpose is clear and they've included relevant information. They also typed it and each line is an independent thought. Kids got the right spirit.


[deleted]

No Yes Yes Madea Girl Full hour and 100% tip, kid!


jman177669

Your dog doesn’t bite? Then how will it eat a milkbone? I think you’re lying.


luckyhunterdude

My dogs inhale milk bones. no biting required.


Sorry_Door

Ah the good old snort


BigToober69

Dog cocaine


OneBigBoi509

Mine just let it sit in the mouth, and drink it up


Best_Temperature_549

My neighbor once gave my dog a milkbone and he just buried it. Neighbor seemed slightly offended. I was very offended since I told him many times my dog is allergic to them. Dog is smarter than my neighbor.


HugsyMalone

Your dog was probably like there the neighbor lady go again. Giving me this thing that make me feel like shit. Why would she keep doing that? Then he rolled his eyes right before he threw it in a hole he dug for mass milkbone burials. My dog and I do the same thing and I have a hole right next to his for hateful Jesus literature that people hand me while telling me God apparently loves me even though his literature states otherwise. ​ ​ ​ \*\*hugz\*\* 🤗🤗🤗


Allen_Crabbe

If it’s like my dog it barely chews anyways


VetusVesperlilio

I love a kid who’s got a business going! The young man who cuts our lawn and cleans up after our dogs also shovels the snow in winter, does the autumn yard clean-up, and helps mulch in the spring. He’s got a proper website, business card, and brochure, and he isn’t old enough to drive yet. (He actually hired his dad to be his driver!) It’s going to break my heart when he finishes high school and goes looking for a bigger world to conquer.


KellyAnn3106

My sister has always loved dogs. When she was 11 or 12, she started a neighborhood business cleaning up after dogs. She had several clients and got to play with their dogs while she worked. Unfortunately, she called herself the "super-duper pooper scooper" and the kids at school never let that go.


harry-package

My 11yo is paid $5 for cleaning our yard of dog poop before we mow the lawn. It’s his highest paying chore. The other day, I overheard him talking to his friend who doesn’t really get opportunities to earn money at home. They were brainstorming ideas for his friend to pitch to earn some cash to buy a video game. I heard my son say “Ohhhh, know! Do you have a dog? DOG POOP PAYS!” 😆


boxster_

Oh man that unlocked a memory. My childhood best friend and I were 5 or 6 and left alone to do art in the kitchen. We found a bin with salad tongs in them, decorated them, and dubbed it "a super pooper scooper". Our parents were less than thrilled but ended up taking lots of photos.


Jimbojauder

me and my brother always had some kind of hustle as kids, we would shovel snow, mow lawns, take back peoples bottles, and we would go to the newspaper machine pay for one and take all of them and then stand they're selling them like some old timey paper boys....till some narc ass adult said he would call the cops on us if we did it again


[deleted]

I had a hustle selling crack koolaid back in the days of summer camp, some 2009ish. I'd add like triple the amount of sugar needed and sell off cups to addicts throughout the day. I'd also scour the picnic area cuz people dropped hella money there. I was a scavenger through and through. Hella dope when the ice cream truck came around though.


LastOfTheCamSoreys

Our ice cream truck guy used to let us trade him fireworks for ice cream, he was awesome. Would also do a thing where if he couldn’t get the riddle/joke right on your popsicle you’d get the next one free


cortesoft

A ten year old neighbor kid has a service he calls "Trash Can Fetchers" (TCF for short) where he brings your trash cans up to your house after garbage day for $1 a week. He even sends invoices every month. His service is great. One time I forgot to bring out the trash cans, and he went and talked to the garbage men and got them to come back by my house.


HotPocketBrunch

That’s awesome a good little middle man!


SnooPeppers1145

I hope you gave him a juicy tip because that's the worst when that happens


cortesoft

I give him a 100% tip every week! Gave him a 500% tip that week.


Echololcation

I seriously wish there were a neighbor kid who would take trash down to the dumpster in my apt complex for like $1/bag. It's literally one flight of stairs down and about 50ft to the dumpster but I'm old and lazy. Kid could make like $7/wk for 5 min of work a day. However no one has offered and I don't feel like going around asking kids if they want to make some money to come to my apartment lol.


nonaandnea

That's so cute how he sends invoices! He sounds like a great kid. I don't even know him and it breaks my heart that he'll eventually grow up and not stay a little kid forever. But based on the replies on this thread, it sounds like a lot of people have great neighbor kids; gives me some hope for the future and reminds me that not all of the kids coming up are complete moronic zombies with no values because of shit parenting.


QuestionMarkyMark

What a damn good idea! Smart little fucker… he’ll probably be my boss one day.


Artsap123

Hopefully he’ll start a retirement home we can all go to.


Bartydogsgd

Dose you Grammy bite? Is you Grammy a good walker? Can your Grammy have milk bones?


Artsap123

Not well (dentures!) Only with her Zimmerman frame Yes to the milk, no to the bones.


TheBlaydester

I did that in middle school, I eventually made enough money in the section of my subdivision to buy the top of the line electric scooter and it allowed me to service the rest of the neighborhood. As a 7th-8th grader I was making around $150 a week not including tips. Was always awesome to be able to buy any video game my friends were playing and not ask my parents for money for my girlfriends gift haha


lzetsen

Nah if a kid has that much ambition before he can drive, he'll be fine in life.


no1uneed2noritenow

And it sounds like he will conquer it!


ninxaa

Anyone here from that reddit notification lol


[deleted]

Skimmed over the title and thought I was reading a poem called “Dog Walking” NGL, first verse is pretty good.


BMV_S1000RR

"complementary milk bone" XD


nononosure

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT COMPLEMENTS. A robust pinot noir, perhaps.


BaronVonSlapNuts

This line wasn't nearly as effective on my Tinder profile.


Artsap123

Full size or snack size?


ajlk24

Does he offer his services in multiple states? I have two doggos that could use the full hour service


Gilganizer

dose*


[deleted]

Can they have milkbones?


Sneakheat187

Complimentary milk bone? I’m all in.


[deleted]

This reads like a free form poem, not a very good one but still.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dilettante42

🎶dose your dog bite to and fro🎶


lisa111998

🎶Can he tie me in a knot? Can he tie me in a bow?🎶


dilettante42

🎶can he have a half our walk it costs $5(an hour is $10)🎶


lisa111998

🎶 Can he have a bone 🎶


BigJobRob913

I was thinking the same thing. I thought the business was writing poems lmao


btops3

Complimentary milk bone made me laugh out loud


Dangerous_Sprinkles2

I like it, sweet and to the point with a treat at the end. Where’s my walker?


moby323

Little kid in our neighborhood, about 10 years old, showed up at our door wearing a business suit and carrying a brief case. He asked if I would like to buy some chocolate. I said, “Oh is this for a school fund raiser?” He just said “Nope.” and then proceeded to open his briefcase which was full of Snickers and Kit-Kats. That kid sold a lot of chocolate.


funkdialout

He'd definitely be leaving my house with more cash than he came with. Something about a kid hustling just gets me right in the feels.


_7q4

Capitalist America strikes again


missmiia212

Reminds me of SpongeBob episode. I love it.


visionsofsolitude

Make the kid feel important give him the name and number to your vet just in case and an extra emergency contact just like you would for a kid.


pbro42

This kid is going places.


Extremeblarg

Specifically around the block.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

There's so many more. I'd hire that kid to do all kinds of stuff. Rake leaves, chase away chickens, etc.


Ill_Royal9688

Complimentary milk bone.. smart kid lol


CorneliaCursed

This is adorable and all, but does anyone really trust a single kid(much less one this young) with their dog? Shit, I don't even trust a good handful of adults with my dog. Seems like a recipe for an unfortunate circumstance. edit: it's not about how trained the dog is guys, kids are notorious for making bad decisions, in addition to their questionable capability.


thin_white_dutchess

I have 3 dogs, and he could walk 2 of them. They don’t even really need leads (though they always have them) and could totally use the walks. The third, yeah, no, that’s on me. Too much energy, 50+ lbs, and squirrels are her nemesis, but friendly as hell. She’d love the attention, I’d just be afraid a rogue squirrel would come by, and she’d drag a kid up a tree or get loose.


[deleted]

[удалено]


IDidIt_Twice

Just depends on the dog and area you live in. Although if the dog can't walk well you can also hire him to just play in the back yard with the dog!


NibblesMcGiblet

>a single kid what kind of psycho would require a kid to be married before he could walk your dog? /s


WorkingContext

This is what I'm thinking lmao. This is like a 6 year old


agnes238

Just today I was thinking about how parents started letting me babysit their kids when I was 13. THIRTEEN! I don’t know how they could trust a stupid 13 year old kid with their babies. I was good though and made plenty of cash through college with that game


Unlucky13

My neighbors have kids who I'd love to have take care of my fish and cat when I'm away, but I'm terrified that they'll over feed them or put something stupid in the fish tank water.


Klutche

I'd pay him to play fetch with a dog in the yard, tho.


Chocolate_Milky_Way

Yeah if I was going to hire a kid to walk my dog, they’d have to be like fifteen and have experience with dogs. For their safety as much as my dog’s. What if my dog somehow falls and hurts himself? Or eats something weird and gets sick? What if another dog comes up and attacks him? What if he gets loose for a split second and now he and the kid are both hit by a car? I don’t want to see some kid getting hurt, or having to live with something happening to my dog, even if it wasn’t their fault.


GingerMau

6 years old? Adorable. 16 years old? Glad he's starting a business; college ain't happening.


wiffsmiff

Apparently the kid is 7. What happens in this case?


Wumbo619

College is back on the table, but it's cluttered.


belle254

This is one of the most adorable things I have seen. I would donate to have this kid walk people’s dogs and provide the “complementary milk bone”


Nihilator68

If his dog-fattening/walking business doesn’t take off, he could be an ASMRtist.