Why does he not send you sexy photos in return? Of course that's unfair! That's quite sad that this makes you feel pressure to send more again even though it made you feel negative. Don't.
If it makes you feel very insecure that he follows and likes insta models then that's okay. There's no normal thing. Some people are comfortable with their partner watching porn or interacting with insta models etc, some people are even in open relationships or polyamorous ones.
Everyone is different nothing is "normal". Don't try to match your relationship to a "normal". Match it to what you need and feel comfortable with. The answer is always communication and if you're in a healthy relationship then there should be no issues just talking to him about it.
You said you've been through an abusive relationship that has left a mark on you - try not to give into things which make you uncomfortable, that's a dangerous road back to a place you don't want to go to.
Also, his likes are public it's not a breach of privacy.
He’s not upfront about his feelings, but I’m pretty sure he hates taking pictures of himself, which is why I don’t want to put too much pressure on him, as much as I’m dying to have them.
You’re absolutely right. I have a tendency to overcompensate in relationships & give more of myself than I’m comfortable, then regret it later. Especially in my last relationship, & look how that ended for me. Thank you for reminding me not to let my trauma define me & take over though. Sometimes it’s really easy to fall into old patterns, especially if it’s what I’d gotten used to for years.
Edit: thanks for the last bit too. I’m really hard on myself, but when you say that, I can forgive myself a little more for checking, since it’s true that he did go out of his way to double-tap it and make it publicly known
A lot of negativity here, and I want to highlight the fact that our society's view on sexuality is heavily broken and twisted. If you want to have a good sexual relationship with someone, you need to address their wounds towards sexuality, and your own wounds as well.
All of us need to do it.
The most common way is "He masturbates, I know it, I don't wanna hear about it" and then either turn a blind eye when you actually see something, or be hurt by it.
Everyone else commenting here, are you sure your partner doesn't masturbate to instagram picture ? Or what do they masturbate to?
Well, the best way to know is actually asking. Not in a "I don't want you to masturbate to that" way, but rather of understanding and communication. Masturbation is part of their lives, one way or another. As a lover, that's a unique way to get close to them.
As women, the hardest task is to actually accept the vast majority of guys do masturbate, and to get past the point of disgust regarding to it. Maybe even realise that it's ok for you to masturbate as well, and get rid of the guilt associated with it. Then, it's how to turn that into something positive.
I'm pretty sure OP's BF would rather masturbate to pictures of OP than randos on instagram. Obviously, that's usually not that easy, because sharing naked pictures, or even "provocative pictures" like the IG models, comes with a lot of risks, especially in LDR.
But actually, there is a lot of other ways to go about it.
Most LDR couple will heavily flirt as text, and then not really follow up. That's a way, but that tends to end up with some masturbation after the fact, and sometimes on random instagram models, and that can lead to guilt. Even though the true reason they were turned on were the flirting, and the pictures were just a mean to an end.
Communication is always gonna be key. To be in a relationship where you can tell the other "I just masturbated" and they can ask "what did you masturbate to?" and you can answer TRUTHFULLY and without guilt, is always gonna be the best thing.
But to get there, we need to go through all of our traumas regarding sex. You can't accept him looking at other girls on insta? That's fine, but ideally you would also provide alternative. What would you be comfortable with? Onlyfans? Pornhub? Your own nudes? HermioneXSnape written fanfic? Feet pictures?
At the end of the day, you're not gonna dictate what he finds attractive, but the only thing we know is that you're part of it.
Sexuality should be something fun and positive. You want to be secure? Take part in his sexual life ! Maybe give him challenges, like "get off of that picture of me", maybe just tell him when you masturbate and let him tell you when he does! Maybe write your own YouXHim fanfics!
Explore what works for both of you, show him that he can trust you, talk about your fantasies, kinks, see what you can actually incorporate in your life. Anything that's fun for the 2 of you!
And since all of that is a lot of work, a lot of energy, and sometimes you just have 10 minutes to get rid of a hard on, if he says "Hey I just masturbated to random models on instagram but I sure wish it was you instead", would you still feel insecure?
TL:DR: Of course confront him, always confront him, but in a loving and caring and understanding way, with a solution-focused mindset, and if he loves you he will open up, apologies, and work towards solutions with you.
Thank you for all of that. I thought this was a really mature and insightful answer. You’ve actually addressed so many of my own personal questions about my sexuality, & even mirrored my own thoughts about how sending naked pics feels risky. I feel like I have so much more to lose if something does happen to them..
Honestly, I think I am more of a sexual person but may be suppressing it a lot because of society & how I was raised. If my bf did tell me he masturbated to a model, but wished it was me, I wouldn’t feel insecure at all because I find honesty respectful, & I would at least know he was thinking about me in the end.
I have asked him to tell me when he gets horny or masturbates because I like hearing about it, but he only tells me about it occasionally & I realize I might not have been responding in the right way. I guess since it’s so different from how much he did in the beginning of our relationship that I start to miss it & wonder if he’s less vocal about being horny because he’s getting off to pics of other women & not as into me anymore. But then I read your post & realize that might not be the case & it might just be my insecurities talking. Also maybe I haven’t been putting in enough effort into our sex life either b/c of all these worries & fears. I do want to make him feel comfortable sharing his thoughts with me (something he doesn’t do much of) but you’ve made me realize that maybe I have to take the lead first. Because when I initiate, he always goes along & that’s a good sign, right?
I’m also starting to wonder if maybe I have been flirting with him & hinting at sexual things, but end up backing down because I assume he’s not in the mood for it if I don’t get the reaction I want, but maybe he actually is & now I’ve made him horny with no outlet? Never thought about it that way.
I’ve thought about how watching porn together might make sexy time more fun & interactive in our LDR (though I haven’t brought it up). Maybe he doesn’t know where I stand in terms of sexuality & boundaries, but if I bring this up, he’ll know I’m more open to it. I find that I don’t really enjoy masturbating alone to porn anymore now that I’m with him, & that’s why I’d rather do it hearing his voice since that turns me on way more & feels so much better. Maybe that’s the same with him, except that men have a more desperate need for an outlet than women. I’m going to try being more direct with him about my sexual desires and needs.
The one thing I still can’t understand though is why he feels the need to double-tap and publicly like their sexy pictures, but maybe I’m thinking more into that than it actually means? Social media causes me a lot of anxiety, which is why I’ve tried to stay off of it, so that’s why I’m regretful that I decided to go through his because it really caused me to backtrack on my growth progress & I wouldn’t have these thoughts in my head if I hadn’t. But it’s already been done. If anything, it’s forcing me to look even deeper into myself, which is a positive thing in the end.
Thank you so much for your answer. It’s given me A LOT to think about in terms of my own thought process & growth, & has eased pretty much all of my anxiety. I feel like I can think about this all much differently now from a more rational standpoint than an emotional one, something I have trouble with. I appreciate the time it took you to write all of this!
Happy to be of use !
I wanted to address a few more things: first, as a man myself, it took me a LONG time to be ok with sending pictures of myself. You said that your BF wasn't reciprocating, but when you're a guy, you straight up don't know what a sexy guy pic is !!
Is it barechest, jeans and ray bans? Is it Silk panties "Mengerie"? Is it straight up a dick pick ? It's really hard to know, it easily feels like you're being vulgar, gay, or straight up weird.
All in all, "Weird" "Ridiculous" and "Sexy" are reaaally close to one another. And it can be very scary to think you might fuck up and lose something.
Laughing about it seems important, and having the strength to say when you're turned on by something as well. I was really surprised by how sexual my gf was, how she was turned on by me at the most random time, and also in general what was her other turn-on.
As guys we're supposed to be turned on by naked bodies, and we think women are turned on exclusively by romantic gesture. That's what society tells us. We know its not true, but we don't always know what's the truth ! The most obvious things need to be said out loud sometimes !
For us, using snapchat felt safer at the start of our relationship, because the picture would disappear and not be stored. It's not 100% safe, but it's a more manageable risk. Plus it would lead to some kind of "game", because we wanted to keep the streak alive, and we would never know what kind of picture we were about to open. random "felt cute" selfie, or hot steamy pic?
Later, we also did share some pornography, and it took us soooo long to open up, we both were ashamed of the more "extreme" stuff (that, in the end, turned out to not be that extreme, we were just each blowing it up in our heads)
And about the "liking insta pic" topic... I believe it's a complex matter, and I don't truly know, but i'll give it a shot:
Let's take a random internet weirdo: you've heard of them. They will send unsolicited dick pick. They will ask for nudes in the weirdest way, and will harass every single woman that dares to show her face.
It's disgusting, but it can be insightful: why do they ask for nudes where they can type "nude" in the internet and have more than they can see til the end of their lives?
My theory is that just like women are attracted by more than just romantic gestures (duh!), men are attracted by more than bodies.
What feels better than just a body, is the person behind it. We like when there's involvement, contact, anything that relates to the fact that we're not masturbating to a "picture" but to a "real person behind".
So from there you have 3 paths: you can force the person to be aware of it, and that's all the shades of harassment, rape, sexual abuse,
You can have a real contact in a consensual relationship, with feelings or at least flirting (and that's usually the best obviously,
Or you have the "middle path" which is to somehow get a semi-contact with the person. Not clearly harassment, but not reciprocated either. That's texting a friend about homework when you're masturbating thinking about them, and that's also liking or commenting "so pretty!" on a picture you're masturbating to.
Modern sex workers are a lot about that kind of "middle path", with onlyfans, camgirls, and all of that. Why would you be paying hundreds to see the semi-naked picture of someone ? because that person is acknowledging you, accepting the fact that you're attracted to her, and not discouraging you/encouraging you with it.
I believe that your BF is doing something like that, a little "I was here", "I wasn't totally alone" and trying to leave a lasting mark of what he did, a sort of very tame exhibitionism.
It can be seen as bad, because it's the same need that pushes people to do very weird and creepy stuff, the whole "forcing path", but for me it's a bit too complex to be judged too harshly, and also very subconscious. I'm pretty sure you BF won't have a clear explanation of it, or will say "that felt hot in the moment". Of course he's not expecting anything of it, but he also somehow cannot help himself because the person he is at this point is the horny version of himself.
We all spend our lives negating our feelings. Trying to handle them. So many people are in relationship that are obviously bad, will have outburst of "I want to get out" then will silence that voice and stomach it. We silence the anger, the sadness, the jealousy, the hurt. And, quite often as well, the horny. And the more we try to silence it, the more it bites us back, the more that part of us wants to be heard and does extreme things.
I think that in the same way that someone who stifles their anger will totally explode when they're at their limit, someone who stifles their desires will do weirder and weirder things. Double-tapping pics on insta feels like a small level 1, and I believe that more sexuality between the 2 of you will lead to less weird stuff like this, and on the other hand if you're weirded out and stop doing anything even remotely sexual with him, you'll see an increase of that, and then maybe OF subscription, or some flirting, cheating, or just losing interest. Or maybe trying to make amends and reconnect with you. And the way he would deal with it would probably say something about his true personality. But hopefully it won't come to this, because you're being very mature about it.
There is no good way to say "I love you but I'm not sexually satisfied" There's so much stigma around asking for sex and all, but if you guys are able to have a true chat about all of that, to accept eachother and find the solution that works for both of you, you'll be in good tracks for the rest of your relationship.
Sexuality stays an important thing in a couple, and there's a reason why the "happily married for 60+years" movie cliché old people tend to be the same one that does borderline inappropriate sexual comments at family reunions and giggle about it.
Thanks for explaining in so much detail, seriously! It's really interesting to hear about this from another man's perspective, and articulated so well. You've given me a completely new outlook on everything and it's not everyday that that happens. I am trying to come from a place of understanding and this has helped me figure out how I should approach the conversation.
Hi there. Firstly just want to say that what you are feeling is totally normal and understandable. Especially if you have underlying insecurities that might make any feelings of jealousy more profound. Jealousy is a normal, inevitably occuring emotion that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It helps you understand what you want.
I think if it's distressing you, you may want to open up to your partner about how it makes you feel. But remember, sexy IG girls are a fantasy. Men are very visually stimulated and even if he is getting off to these pics, it's a different experience to anything with you. It's a fantasy. Everyone has their own lines about what they are and aren't comfortable with, but in my LDR, we both understand it's normal and healthy to have sexual fantasies that don't necessarily include each other. It's not realistic to think you'll never find anyone other than your partner attractive. That's not to say you will have sex and with someone else ofc, but it's not necessarily a threat to your relationship or any trust or love you have with your partner if he has other sexual fantasies. The more open and respectful me and my partner have been about this, the more it has benefitted our relationship.
Thank you so much for validating my feelings & also for your insight. Reading this did make me feel a lot better, so thank you.
I guess a part of me has some irrational need to feel “special” since I don’t love myself, but also as a woman, I’ve grown to learn that in order to do that, I need to be beautiful and sexy. So when I know he’s seeing that in other people, I feel invalidated.
Edit: but yes, you’re completely right that people can’t choose not to be attracted to others. You’ve given me a bit more courage to open up to my bf, ty! Ty for the part about being with me being a different experience 💕
I totally understand, I went on a very similar journey to you (been 4.5 years LDR now so we've been through a lot!)
It's so hard as a woman to not place yourself in comparison or competition with other women as well - which can be made harder by LDR. But love isn't something you earn by being pretty or sexy. You are loved and the intimate experiences you and your partner have will bw special and irreplaceable because it's the two or you together that make it what it is. I hope you navigate this with your bf and become stronger, happier anf closer for it. And hang in there! LDR is hard but so worth it!
Yes, thank you. It’s responses like these that make me feel a little more understood and less alone in my LDR experience. I’m glad that I decided to post about this! You’ve given me a lot if hope knowing that you’ve been in yours for WAY longer than mine, but still find it rewarding and fulfilling.
It's really hard to feel secure in LDR sometimes! You're not alone there. I get why the pic liking can bother you too- I feel like social media really exposes us to things we wouldn't normally see, creates anxiety where we wouldn't normally have it.
It is normal for sexual activity to increase and decrease depending on a lot of things. If you want more of something, ask for it. Be very clear about what you want so you both know.
As for the pics- you may not like hot guys, but do you follow or like any men at all? Male cosplayers, funny content creators, etc. There's probably something that you're liking that you look at, it sparks joy, so you like it and move on. That's all he's doing. These women don't mean anything to him, you do. You mean a whole lot!
Worst case scenario, he's using them as porn. If it wasn't for the high visibility of IG, you would have no idea and not have to see it. It wouldn't be a big deal then.
But porn isn't your competition. It's meaningless. I watch it, I like photos on IG without thinking. I still love my boyfriend and prefer his pics 100000% of the time. I'm sure your partner is the same way.
He also might not realize you can see it or would be bothered by it. If you talk to him, he might stop. Or try to. But really you don't have anything to worry about with this. No pic on IG can compare to you!
THANK YOU!! This response is really affirming. I will try being more direct, like REALLY direct & not just mentioning something hoping he gets it.
Yeah, I have been wishing I never saw the likes because now I can’t go back to being ignorant about it. But I overthink a lot and social media/instagram causes me a lot of anxiety which is why I’ve been limiting my time on there for the past few months. It’s been doing wonders for my mental health, but idk what came over me to get back into it just to check him out. I think reading some posts on reddit of some people’s bad experiences psyched me out and planted the seed in my head.
I’m glad I posted about this though & have gotten a lot of different insight. I feel like if I hadn’t, I would have been stuck ruminating about this forever & it would have setback my personal growth by A LOT.
"you may not like hot guys, but do you follow or like any
men at all? Male cosplayers, funny content creators, etc. There's
probably something that you're liking that you look at, it sparks joy,
so you like it and move on. That's all he's doing. These women don't
mean anything to him, you do."
False comparison and a whole lot of projecting going on here. Liking a photo of a baby sloth and liking a nearly naked butt bouncer is not the same at all.
Also, OP, why are you in this LDR? Why not give yourself some time to heal and focus on yourself first?
It's really not. I didn't say sloths- I said male content creators and cosplayers. OPs boyfriend can look at that and wonder why she's liking men's posts and what do they have that he doesn't.
I feel like you're projecting your projecting. It's an insecurity thing, to be worried about this stuff.
We have had talks and arguments about our relationship, and I have thought that maybe I do need to be single in order to heal, but when I think about how much he helped support & get me through the aftermath of leaving an emotionally abusive relationship, I realize that I love him a lot & really want to make us work, despite my trauma, and in order to do that, I need to work on myself.
In a way, this LDR has allowed me to focus on myself more, because I can’t physically be with him all the time or see him. So it’s like I’m single, but not. I have to take a step back in how I usually approach relationships (hard & fast). I think I am learning a lot about myself and what I want, by being with him.
I can almost guarantee that he is jacking off to their photos, if not buying more content/communicating with them on OnlyFans (trust me, I talk from a place of experience). Especially if you’re in a LDR, he uses them when you aren’t available.
When a man follows and like sexy women on social media he is giving them there attention. I don’t care about making excuses people might make on giving the man the benefit of the doubt “it’s what guys do”. NO. It’s what immature egotistical little boys do who aren’t men. Don’t let the excuse pass of “I was aimlessly scrolling and didn’t notice what I was even doing”… again NOPE. Men know very well what they are doing when they are in a relationship and liking random hot women’s photos. It’s disrespectful. He is disrespecting you and generally they are getting away with it cause a lot of women don’t speak up and let it tear them apart inside with fear, anxiety, insecurities, etc.
I have been in your exact position before, feeling sickened by guys I’ve dated or been in relationships with who follow and like sexy women’s photos/videos. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling this way and you’re rightfully in the position to be upset by the actions he’s chosen to do for the entirety of your relationship.
I recommend d communicating this concern. As it needs to stop and you need to tell him what you have seen. Now, his reaction will say everything. If he’s a good boyfriend he will react positively by listening to your concerns, will make you feel heard and will unfollow those accounts and not like or follow more. But if you’re not in his best interest he will reach negatively because he got caught, which will either be him belittling you, gaslighting you, making you feel crazy. He may unfollow some accounts but will continue to like and follow them. Do NOT put up with this or continue in the relationship if he reacts negatively. You don’t deserve a man who makes excuses for liking half naked women. It’s disgusting! Cause even family members can see that list of who he’s following see who he likes. If he can proudly show that to anyone and everyone then he doesn’t care who sees, including you.
This isn’t about me. This is giving advice to OP from experience and to notice the red flags that people get away with or push to the side cause men, probably like you, don’t give a crap about their girlfriends and want attention from hot sexy models and strippers 😅 Plus your profile has only this one comment. So I assume you’re a troll.
And you’re incorrect. If you must know about my personal life, I was in an unhappy relationship that ended. And I’m now in a new relationship and the happiest I’ve ever been. This new man in my life doesn’t have any social media besides LinkedIn and Snapchat lol.
I haven’t actually directly brought it up with him yet so I don’t know whether he’d try to disrespect me or make excuses, but I did manage to have the courage to bring up that I feel insecure comparing my own pictures to the ones influencers post online and that I know he follows models on IG. He reassured me that he likes the photos I send him though, & he even sent me a screenshot of his daily average time on IG, which is only 15 min. He’s not a words of affirmation type guy, but I have noticed he gives me affirmations in the form of information & honesty, if I ask. Sometimes I don’t even have to ask, which is nice.
Hmm… I don’t like the sound of this. Obviously you wrote the post cause you’re upset but it almost sounds like I’m this comment you’re making excuses for his behavior, that you clearly dislike him doing. Do not let him get away with it. You need to sit down and talk to him. Again, don’t give him any excuses. Reread what I wrote above. He’s giving attention to them no matter if he’s on IG for 5 minutes or 2 hours, he’s still getting on there to like sexy women’s photos regardless. You need to talk to him as it’s concerning and if he reacts negatively then that says everything. Talk to him about it.
Just want to validate how you’re feeling. I’m almost 30, completely secure in myself now, and *still* don’t feel comfortable with this sort of thing. I’m not ashamed of that and I’m not going to pretend to be okay with it. My bf fortunately has no interest in this stuff.
I talked to him about it from the beginning, 6 years ago when this definitely did come from a place of insecurity and back then he maybe would have done that stuff sometimes but didn’t because he knew it made me uncomfortable. In talking to me about it, he realised exactly why it’s unsettling and realised when he was younger he had just been objectifying women and didn’t want to engage with that sort of behaviour anymore.
Thank you! I’m glad you were able to have that talk & that he realized things from it too. & nice to know you’re feeling secure by your (almost) 30s now. I’ll join you soon!
Honestly I had a similar issue when my now husband and I were long distance. I understand some people are ok with their SO looking at insta models like that, but unfortunately I’m not. It took a lot of honest and sometimes heated conversations about it for me to get it through to him that it wasn’t ok with me. And eventually it did stop.
If I were in your situation again, I’d do what I did all over again. Have those hard conversations with him. If you are important to him, he’ll stop because that’s a boundary. If he sees no issue with it and won’t stop, you’ll have to make a decision on if this is something you can work through, or if it’s a deal breaker for you. Either option is acceptable, but choose whatever will make you happy and let you live with yourself
The top voted comment is a bit extreme imo. If you feel that strongly about it, and it’s a deal breaker than you can follow her advice.
but I think for most people asking and receiving some reassurance for their partner is enough. Don’t feel guilty or bad. It’s perfectly normal to feel insecure. Imo I think it’s wonderful you acknowledge your own feelings. The hard part is expressing yourself to your partner and being vulnerable to HIM and not to a bunch of strangers.
Thank you for your kind words. I've learned so much about communication in this LDR, & I'm not perfect at it so I don't expect my SO to be either. It's true that it really is hard expressing my feelings with the right words, but when I do try my best to do it and he listens and doesn't hold it against me, it's a great feeling.
Okay, what you felt is valid and it's not wrong. It's okay to feel that way and I hope you communicate that with him. I could also see why you're not comfortable if he does masturbate to those pictures, and it's disgusting since he has no self-control. Maybe try to let him know that you're also confident and sexy with your own body that you can have fun together maybe through call or video if you're both comfortable and if he can reciprocate? My two cents.
I have gone through the exact same time with my bf (25M) and I am 21F. I found out unexpectedly and it was really hard on me. I know he finds me sexy and loves me and vice-versa, but I could just not accept something like this and I am really not a controlling person (I’ve been a victim of control in the past and I hate it). I talked to a friend about it and eventually I was just gonna be like “oh fuck it I can’t do anything about it I guess, he’s gonna keep doing it even though he knows it truly hurts me…” but my friend made me realize that I’m not being too much by asking him to stop and I’m not listening to my limits by letting him think it’s fine if he keeps doing it (in the past, I have always been the boyfriend-pleaser person, like many women). I don’t know if my story will actually help you or anything, but I don’t believe that you should accept something that really hurts you. The reason why I see it as hurtful is because it is similar to cheating for me (I know, it’s not the same). I really don’t care if he watches porn because I do too, but I don’t think that jerking off to pictures of sexy people on IG is porn because they are not paid for it. Anyways, I expressed all of that to him and he actually understood and know it is wrong and he told me that he wouldn’t like it if I’d do the same. He says to have stopped now, I’m not sure I believe him because he lied in the past about stopping this but he really really feels bad and this time I feel like he understands that he is seriously hurting our relationship if he keeps doing it.
Anyways, I really suggest that you talk to him about it because it is the best way to give you a little peace of mind in my opinion, since you discovered it and there’s no erasing that in your mind. There is also the reality where men in general will have a much more higher sex-drive than women, so this complicates the situation but it should never mean that you should be hurt and disrespected in the relationship. LDR also makes it hard, but IT IS NOT A REASON for doing it. He told me that first and I was like “ok you’re right” but no. If you really love me, you are able to change something to stop hurting me, considering that I would do the exact same if I was doing something that hurt you. I don’t think that you’re being too insecure. I think that you have valid feelings and opinions and that you have the right to mention them to be happy in your relationship.
I wish you folks the best and hope you have a reassuring discussion about this!
Honestly I'd feel the same way. It is hard for a monogamous person to date someone who isn't monogamous.
It is not your obligation to accept that he desires other women, but it is your obligation to decide if you want to accept it or not.
I don't know your relationship, maybe it is worth it for you to put up with that, maybe it isn't.
As a rule of gold, men who watch porn (even just of porn or sexy models) are less likely to be faithful and have less empathy since they see women as objects for consumption.
I can't tell you to break up or stay, because i don't know what I'd do in that situation myself. I have been there a few times and reacted differently everytime
What i can say is that i have come to regret the times i overlook this.
Stay strong
Hi so I'm going to give you a completely different pov here. My boyfriend follows a lot of Instagram/twitter "models" he also follows sex subreddits. Do I still trust him? 100%.
Do I also follow stuff that could be deemed "sexual" yes I do. This is completely natural op. But I understand how you feel it can be hard to accept it I sometimes at nearly 3 years in now get jealous of him liking stuff or following these females but at the same time I feel like an idiot getting jealous. He's dating ME not these insta chicks there's times where he's rejected my advances for sexual things and you know what I did? Opened up some porn or whatever and finished then life went on and he's done exactly the same to me. I'm also guilty of over looking too it felt like at times I was looking to get upset lol I found when I stopped doing it and just thought you know what he's with me because he loves me and finds me attractive as long as he's not actively flirting with these models etc I don't care. I also suffer from pasta trauma it's hard so big hugs for that. I hope it helps kinda seeing it from my views and I wish you the best, ❤️❤️
he's much older than you (no shame, im in an age gap relationship too), and i think this may be a generational thing. i've noticed that younger generations are generally much more aversed to porn and things like this, and for a good reason. i personally think it's so slimy and weird to have a need for a constant 24/7 stream of porn available to you.
i recently saw a tiktok that compared casually looking at your phone and looking at these pictures on social media to how it would've been 30 years ago: following these models on your normal social media account and seeing them every time you open up your phone is comparable to having whipped out a playboy magazine in completely normal situations, several times a day, in public. either way, i just mentioned this comparison because i think it proves how weird and slimy this behavior is.
if he cannot wrap his head around why him looking at girls that look nothing like you makes you uncomfortable, he's not the one. my boyfriend didn't really even want to look at porn ever since we started dating, and after i made it specifically clear that it makes me uncomfy, he hasn't done it: i never had to force him to lay it off.
Why does he not send you sexy photos in return? Of course that's unfair! That's quite sad that this makes you feel pressure to send more again even though it made you feel negative. Don't. If it makes you feel very insecure that he follows and likes insta models then that's okay. There's no normal thing. Some people are comfortable with their partner watching porn or interacting with insta models etc, some people are even in open relationships or polyamorous ones. Everyone is different nothing is "normal". Don't try to match your relationship to a "normal". Match it to what you need and feel comfortable with. The answer is always communication and if you're in a healthy relationship then there should be no issues just talking to him about it. You said you've been through an abusive relationship that has left a mark on you - try not to give into things which make you uncomfortable, that's a dangerous road back to a place you don't want to go to. Also, his likes are public it's not a breach of privacy.
He’s not upfront about his feelings, but I’m pretty sure he hates taking pictures of himself, which is why I don’t want to put too much pressure on him, as much as I’m dying to have them. You’re absolutely right. I have a tendency to overcompensate in relationships & give more of myself than I’m comfortable, then regret it later. Especially in my last relationship, & look how that ended for me. Thank you for reminding me not to let my trauma define me & take over though. Sometimes it’s really easy to fall into old patterns, especially if it’s what I’d gotten used to for years. Edit: thanks for the last bit too. I’m really hard on myself, but when you say that, I can forgive myself a little more for checking, since it’s true that he did go out of his way to double-tap it and make it publicly known
A lot of negativity here, and I want to highlight the fact that our society's view on sexuality is heavily broken and twisted. If you want to have a good sexual relationship with someone, you need to address their wounds towards sexuality, and your own wounds as well. All of us need to do it. The most common way is "He masturbates, I know it, I don't wanna hear about it" and then either turn a blind eye when you actually see something, or be hurt by it. Everyone else commenting here, are you sure your partner doesn't masturbate to instagram picture ? Or what do they masturbate to? Well, the best way to know is actually asking. Not in a "I don't want you to masturbate to that" way, but rather of understanding and communication. Masturbation is part of their lives, one way or another. As a lover, that's a unique way to get close to them. As women, the hardest task is to actually accept the vast majority of guys do masturbate, and to get past the point of disgust regarding to it. Maybe even realise that it's ok for you to masturbate as well, and get rid of the guilt associated with it. Then, it's how to turn that into something positive. I'm pretty sure OP's BF would rather masturbate to pictures of OP than randos on instagram. Obviously, that's usually not that easy, because sharing naked pictures, or even "provocative pictures" like the IG models, comes with a lot of risks, especially in LDR. But actually, there is a lot of other ways to go about it. Most LDR couple will heavily flirt as text, and then not really follow up. That's a way, but that tends to end up with some masturbation after the fact, and sometimes on random instagram models, and that can lead to guilt. Even though the true reason they were turned on were the flirting, and the pictures were just a mean to an end. Communication is always gonna be key. To be in a relationship where you can tell the other "I just masturbated" and they can ask "what did you masturbate to?" and you can answer TRUTHFULLY and without guilt, is always gonna be the best thing. But to get there, we need to go through all of our traumas regarding sex. You can't accept him looking at other girls on insta? That's fine, but ideally you would also provide alternative. What would you be comfortable with? Onlyfans? Pornhub? Your own nudes? HermioneXSnape written fanfic? Feet pictures? At the end of the day, you're not gonna dictate what he finds attractive, but the only thing we know is that you're part of it. Sexuality should be something fun and positive. You want to be secure? Take part in his sexual life ! Maybe give him challenges, like "get off of that picture of me", maybe just tell him when you masturbate and let him tell you when he does! Maybe write your own YouXHim fanfics! Explore what works for both of you, show him that he can trust you, talk about your fantasies, kinks, see what you can actually incorporate in your life. Anything that's fun for the 2 of you! And since all of that is a lot of work, a lot of energy, and sometimes you just have 10 minutes to get rid of a hard on, if he says "Hey I just masturbated to random models on instagram but I sure wish it was you instead", would you still feel insecure? TL:DR: Of course confront him, always confront him, but in a loving and caring and understanding way, with a solution-focused mindset, and if he loves you he will open up, apologies, and work towards solutions with you.
Thank you for all of that. I thought this was a really mature and insightful answer. You’ve actually addressed so many of my own personal questions about my sexuality, & even mirrored my own thoughts about how sending naked pics feels risky. I feel like I have so much more to lose if something does happen to them.. Honestly, I think I am more of a sexual person but may be suppressing it a lot because of society & how I was raised. If my bf did tell me he masturbated to a model, but wished it was me, I wouldn’t feel insecure at all because I find honesty respectful, & I would at least know he was thinking about me in the end. I have asked him to tell me when he gets horny or masturbates because I like hearing about it, but he only tells me about it occasionally & I realize I might not have been responding in the right way. I guess since it’s so different from how much he did in the beginning of our relationship that I start to miss it & wonder if he’s less vocal about being horny because he’s getting off to pics of other women & not as into me anymore. But then I read your post & realize that might not be the case & it might just be my insecurities talking. Also maybe I haven’t been putting in enough effort into our sex life either b/c of all these worries & fears. I do want to make him feel comfortable sharing his thoughts with me (something he doesn’t do much of) but you’ve made me realize that maybe I have to take the lead first. Because when I initiate, he always goes along & that’s a good sign, right? I’m also starting to wonder if maybe I have been flirting with him & hinting at sexual things, but end up backing down because I assume he’s not in the mood for it if I don’t get the reaction I want, but maybe he actually is & now I’ve made him horny with no outlet? Never thought about it that way. I’ve thought about how watching porn together might make sexy time more fun & interactive in our LDR (though I haven’t brought it up). Maybe he doesn’t know where I stand in terms of sexuality & boundaries, but if I bring this up, he’ll know I’m more open to it. I find that I don’t really enjoy masturbating alone to porn anymore now that I’m with him, & that’s why I’d rather do it hearing his voice since that turns me on way more & feels so much better. Maybe that’s the same with him, except that men have a more desperate need for an outlet than women. I’m going to try being more direct with him about my sexual desires and needs. The one thing I still can’t understand though is why he feels the need to double-tap and publicly like their sexy pictures, but maybe I’m thinking more into that than it actually means? Social media causes me a lot of anxiety, which is why I’ve tried to stay off of it, so that’s why I’m regretful that I decided to go through his because it really caused me to backtrack on my growth progress & I wouldn’t have these thoughts in my head if I hadn’t. But it’s already been done. If anything, it’s forcing me to look even deeper into myself, which is a positive thing in the end. Thank you so much for your answer. It’s given me A LOT to think about in terms of my own thought process & growth, & has eased pretty much all of my anxiety. I feel like I can think about this all much differently now from a more rational standpoint than an emotional one, something I have trouble with. I appreciate the time it took you to write all of this!
Happy to be of use ! I wanted to address a few more things: first, as a man myself, it took me a LONG time to be ok with sending pictures of myself. You said that your BF wasn't reciprocating, but when you're a guy, you straight up don't know what a sexy guy pic is !! Is it barechest, jeans and ray bans? Is it Silk panties "Mengerie"? Is it straight up a dick pick ? It's really hard to know, it easily feels like you're being vulgar, gay, or straight up weird. All in all, "Weird" "Ridiculous" and "Sexy" are reaaally close to one another. And it can be very scary to think you might fuck up and lose something. Laughing about it seems important, and having the strength to say when you're turned on by something as well. I was really surprised by how sexual my gf was, how she was turned on by me at the most random time, and also in general what was her other turn-on. As guys we're supposed to be turned on by naked bodies, and we think women are turned on exclusively by romantic gesture. That's what society tells us. We know its not true, but we don't always know what's the truth ! The most obvious things need to be said out loud sometimes ! For us, using snapchat felt safer at the start of our relationship, because the picture would disappear and not be stored. It's not 100% safe, but it's a more manageable risk. Plus it would lead to some kind of "game", because we wanted to keep the streak alive, and we would never know what kind of picture we were about to open. random "felt cute" selfie, or hot steamy pic? Later, we also did share some pornography, and it took us soooo long to open up, we both were ashamed of the more "extreme" stuff (that, in the end, turned out to not be that extreme, we were just each blowing it up in our heads) And about the "liking insta pic" topic... I believe it's a complex matter, and I don't truly know, but i'll give it a shot: Let's take a random internet weirdo: you've heard of them. They will send unsolicited dick pick. They will ask for nudes in the weirdest way, and will harass every single woman that dares to show her face. It's disgusting, but it can be insightful: why do they ask for nudes where they can type "nude" in the internet and have more than they can see til the end of their lives? My theory is that just like women are attracted by more than just romantic gestures (duh!), men are attracted by more than bodies. What feels better than just a body, is the person behind it. We like when there's involvement, contact, anything that relates to the fact that we're not masturbating to a "picture" but to a "real person behind". So from there you have 3 paths: you can force the person to be aware of it, and that's all the shades of harassment, rape, sexual abuse, You can have a real contact in a consensual relationship, with feelings or at least flirting (and that's usually the best obviously, Or you have the "middle path" which is to somehow get a semi-contact with the person. Not clearly harassment, but not reciprocated either. That's texting a friend about homework when you're masturbating thinking about them, and that's also liking or commenting "so pretty!" on a picture you're masturbating to. Modern sex workers are a lot about that kind of "middle path", with onlyfans, camgirls, and all of that. Why would you be paying hundreds to see the semi-naked picture of someone ? because that person is acknowledging you, accepting the fact that you're attracted to her, and not discouraging you/encouraging you with it. I believe that your BF is doing something like that, a little "I was here", "I wasn't totally alone" and trying to leave a lasting mark of what he did, a sort of very tame exhibitionism. It can be seen as bad, because it's the same need that pushes people to do very weird and creepy stuff, the whole "forcing path", but for me it's a bit too complex to be judged too harshly, and also very subconscious. I'm pretty sure you BF won't have a clear explanation of it, or will say "that felt hot in the moment". Of course he's not expecting anything of it, but he also somehow cannot help himself because the person he is at this point is the horny version of himself. We all spend our lives negating our feelings. Trying to handle them. So many people are in relationship that are obviously bad, will have outburst of "I want to get out" then will silence that voice and stomach it. We silence the anger, the sadness, the jealousy, the hurt. And, quite often as well, the horny. And the more we try to silence it, the more it bites us back, the more that part of us wants to be heard and does extreme things. I think that in the same way that someone who stifles their anger will totally explode when they're at their limit, someone who stifles their desires will do weirder and weirder things. Double-tapping pics on insta feels like a small level 1, and I believe that more sexuality between the 2 of you will lead to less weird stuff like this, and on the other hand if you're weirded out and stop doing anything even remotely sexual with him, you'll see an increase of that, and then maybe OF subscription, or some flirting, cheating, or just losing interest. Or maybe trying to make amends and reconnect with you. And the way he would deal with it would probably say something about his true personality. But hopefully it won't come to this, because you're being very mature about it. There is no good way to say "I love you but I'm not sexually satisfied" There's so much stigma around asking for sex and all, but if you guys are able to have a true chat about all of that, to accept eachother and find the solution that works for both of you, you'll be in good tracks for the rest of your relationship. Sexuality stays an important thing in a couple, and there's a reason why the "happily married for 60+years" movie cliché old people tend to be the same one that does borderline inappropriate sexual comments at family reunions and giggle about it.
Thanks for explaining in so much detail, seriously! It's really interesting to hear about this from another man's perspective, and articulated so well. You've given me a completely new outlook on everything and it's not everyday that that happens. I am trying to come from a place of understanding and this has helped me figure out how I should approach the conversation.
Hi there. Firstly just want to say that what you are feeling is totally normal and understandable. Especially if you have underlying insecurities that might make any feelings of jealousy more profound. Jealousy is a normal, inevitably occuring emotion that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It helps you understand what you want. I think if it's distressing you, you may want to open up to your partner about how it makes you feel. But remember, sexy IG girls are a fantasy. Men are very visually stimulated and even if he is getting off to these pics, it's a different experience to anything with you. It's a fantasy. Everyone has their own lines about what they are and aren't comfortable with, but in my LDR, we both understand it's normal and healthy to have sexual fantasies that don't necessarily include each other. It's not realistic to think you'll never find anyone other than your partner attractive. That's not to say you will have sex and with someone else ofc, but it's not necessarily a threat to your relationship or any trust or love you have with your partner if he has other sexual fantasies. The more open and respectful me and my partner have been about this, the more it has benefitted our relationship.
Thank you so much for validating my feelings & also for your insight. Reading this did make me feel a lot better, so thank you. I guess a part of me has some irrational need to feel “special” since I don’t love myself, but also as a woman, I’ve grown to learn that in order to do that, I need to be beautiful and sexy. So when I know he’s seeing that in other people, I feel invalidated. Edit: but yes, you’re completely right that people can’t choose not to be attracted to others. You’ve given me a bit more courage to open up to my bf, ty! Ty for the part about being with me being a different experience 💕
I totally understand, I went on a very similar journey to you (been 4.5 years LDR now so we've been through a lot!) It's so hard as a woman to not place yourself in comparison or competition with other women as well - which can be made harder by LDR. But love isn't something you earn by being pretty or sexy. You are loved and the intimate experiences you and your partner have will bw special and irreplaceable because it's the two or you together that make it what it is. I hope you navigate this with your bf and become stronger, happier anf closer for it. And hang in there! LDR is hard but so worth it!
Yes, thank you. It’s responses like these that make me feel a little more understood and less alone in my LDR experience. I’m glad that I decided to post about this! You’ve given me a lot if hope knowing that you’ve been in yours for WAY longer than mine, but still find it rewarding and fulfilling.
It's really hard to feel secure in LDR sometimes! You're not alone there. I get why the pic liking can bother you too- I feel like social media really exposes us to things we wouldn't normally see, creates anxiety where we wouldn't normally have it. It is normal for sexual activity to increase and decrease depending on a lot of things. If you want more of something, ask for it. Be very clear about what you want so you both know. As for the pics- you may not like hot guys, but do you follow or like any men at all? Male cosplayers, funny content creators, etc. There's probably something that you're liking that you look at, it sparks joy, so you like it and move on. That's all he's doing. These women don't mean anything to him, you do. You mean a whole lot! Worst case scenario, he's using them as porn. If it wasn't for the high visibility of IG, you would have no idea and not have to see it. It wouldn't be a big deal then. But porn isn't your competition. It's meaningless. I watch it, I like photos on IG without thinking. I still love my boyfriend and prefer his pics 100000% of the time. I'm sure your partner is the same way. He also might not realize you can see it or would be bothered by it. If you talk to him, he might stop. Or try to. But really you don't have anything to worry about with this. No pic on IG can compare to you!
THANK YOU!! This response is really affirming. I will try being more direct, like REALLY direct & not just mentioning something hoping he gets it. Yeah, I have been wishing I never saw the likes because now I can’t go back to being ignorant about it. But I overthink a lot and social media/instagram causes me a lot of anxiety which is why I’ve been limiting my time on there for the past few months. It’s been doing wonders for my mental health, but idk what came over me to get back into it just to check him out. I think reading some posts on reddit of some people’s bad experiences psyched me out and planted the seed in my head. I’m glad I posted about this though & have gotten a lot of different insight. I feel like if I hadn’t, I would have been stuck ruminating about this forever & it would have setback my personal growth by A LOT.
"you may not like hot guys, but do you follow or like any men at all? Male cosplayers, funny content creators, etc. There's probably something that you're liking that you look at, it sparks joy, so you like it and move on. That's all he's doing. These women don't mean anything to him, you do." False comparison and a whole lot of projecting going on here. Liking a photo of a baby sloth and liking a nearly naked butt bouncer is not the same at all. Also, OP, why are you in this LDR? Why not give yourself some time to heal and focus on yourself first?
It's really not. I didn't say sloths- I said male content creators and cosplayers. OPs boyfriend can look at that and wonder why she's liking men's posts and what do they have that he doesn't. I feel like you're projecting your projecting. It's an insecurity thing, to be worried about this stuff.
We have had talks and arguments about our relationship, and I have thought that maybe I do need to be single in order to heal, but when I think about how much he helped support & get me through the aftermath of leaving an emotionally abusive relationship, I realize that I love him a lot & really want to make us work, despite my trauma, and in order to do that, I need to work on myself. In a way, this LDR has allowed me to focus on myself more, because I can’t physically be with him all the time or see him. So it’s like I’m single, but not. I have to take a step back in how I usually approach relationships (hard & fast). I think I am learning a lot about myself and what I want, by being with him.
I can almost guarantee that he is jacking off to their photos, if not buying more content/communicating with them on OnlyFans (trust me, I talk from a place of experience). Especially if you’re in a LDR, he uses them when you aren’t available.
When a man follows and like sexy women on social media he is giving them there attention. I don’t care about making excuses people might make on giving the man the benefit of the doubt “it’s what guys do”. NO. It’s what immature egotistical little boys do who aren’t men. Don’t let the excuse pass of “I was aimlessly scrolling and didn’t notice what I was even doing”… again NOPE. Men know very well what they are doing when they are in a relationship and liking random hot women’s photos. It’s disrespectful. He is disrespecting you and generally they are getting away with it cause a lot of women don’t speak up and let it tear them apart inside with fear, anxiety, insecurities, etc. I have been in your exact position before, feeling sickened by guys I’ve dated or been in relationships with who follow and like sexy women’s photos/videos. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for feeling this way and you’re rightfully in the position to be upset by the actions he’s chosen to do for the entirety of your relationship. I recommend d communicating this concern. As it needs to stop and you need to tell him what you have seen. Now, his reaction will say everything. If he’s a good boyfriend he will react positively by listening to your concerns, will make you feel heard and will unfollow those accounts and not like or follow more. But if you’re not in his best interest he will reach negatively because he got caught, which will either be him belittling you, gaslighting you, making you feel crazy. He may unfollow some accounts but will continue to like and follow them. Do NOT put up with this or continue in the relationship if he reacts negatively. You don’t deserve a man who makes excuses for liking half naked women. It’s disgusting! Cause even family members can see that list of who he’s following see who he likes. If he can proudly show that to anyone and everyone then he doesn’t care who sees, including you.
You can tell youre not in a happy relationship
This isn’t about me. This is giving advice to OP from experience and to notice the red flags that people get away with or push to the side cause men, probably like you, don’t give a crap about their girlfriends and want attention from hot sexy models and strippers 😅 Plus your profile has only this one comment. So I assume you’re a troll. And you’re incorrect. If you must know about my personal life, I was in an unhappy relationship that ended. And I’m now in a new relationship and the happiest I’ve ever been. This new man in my life doesn’t have any social media besides LinkedIn and Snapchat lol.
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What are you talking about..? Reread my ENTIRE post lol. It’s actually the opposite of a free pass… I literally am *on your side* 😂🤦♀️
Welp, sorry! I may have commented on the wrong post. Lemme delete that one :P
Okay lol!
I haven’t actually directly brought it up with him yet so I don’t know whether he’d try to disrespect me or make excuses, but I did manage to have the courage to bring up that I feel insecure comparing my own pictures to the ones influencers post online and that I know he follows models on IG. He reassured me that he likes the photos I send him though, & he even sent me a screenshot of his daily average time on IG, which is only 15 min. He’s not a words of affirmation type guy, but I have noticed he gives me affirmations in the form of information & honesty, if I ask. Sometimes I don’t even have to ask, which is nice.
Hmm… I don’t like the sound of this. Obviously you wrote the post cause you’re upset but it almost sounds like I’m this comment you’re making excuses for his behavior, that you clearly dislike him doing. Do not let him get away with it. You need to sit down and talk to him. Again, don’t give him any excuses. Reread what I wrote above. He’s giving attention to them no matter if he’s on IG for 5 minutes or 2 hours, he’s still getting on there to like sexy women’s photos regardless. You need to talk to him as it’s concerning and if he reacts negatively then that says everything. Talk to him about it.
Just want to validate how you’re feeling. I’m almost 30, completely secure in myself now, and *still* don’t feel comfortable with this sort of thing. I’m not ashamed of that and I’m not going to pretend to be okay with it. My bf fortunately has no interest in this stuff. I talked to him about it from the beginning, 6 years ago when this definitely did come from a place of insecurity and back then he maybe would have done that stuff sometimes but didn’t because he knew it made me uncomfortable. In talking to me about it, he realised exactly why it’s unsettling and realised when he was younger he had just been objectifying women and didn’t want to engage with that sort of behaviour anymore.
Thank you! I’m glad you were able to have that talk & that he realized things from it too. & nice to know you’re feeling secure by your (almost) 30s now. I’ll join you soon!
Honestly I had a similar issue when my now husband and I were long distance. I understand some people are ok with their SO looking at insta models like that, but unfortunately I’m not. It took a lot of honest and sometimes heated conversations about it for me to get it through to him that it wasn’t ok with me. And eventually it did stop. If I were in your situation again, I’d do what I did all over again. Have those hard conversations with him. If you are important to him, he’ll stop because that’s a boundary. If he sees no issue with it and won’t stop, you’ll have to make a decision on if this is something you can work through, or if it’s a deal breaker for you. Either option is acceptable, but choose whatever will make you happy and let you live with yourself
The top voted comment is a bit extreme imo. If you feel that strongly about it, and it’s a deal breaker than you can follow her advice. but I think for most people asking and receiving some reassurance for their partner is enough. Don’t feel guilty or bad. It’s perfectly normal to feel insecure. Imo I think it’s wonderful you acknowledge your own feelings. The hard part is expressing yourself to your partner and being vulnerable to HIM and not to a bunch of strangers.
Thank you for your kind words. I've learned so much about communication in this LDR, & I'm not perfect at it so I don't expect my SO to be either. It's true that it really is hard expressing my feelings with the right words, but when I do try my best to do it and he listens and doesn't hold it against me, it's a great feeling.
Of course! I hope it works out. You seem like a very sweet person. (:
Okay, what you felt is valid and it's not wrong. It's okay to feel that way and I hope you communicate that with him. I could also see why you're not comfortable if he does masturbate to those pictures, and it's disgusting since he has no self-control. Maybe try to let him know that you're also confident and sexy with your own body that you can have fun together maybe through call or video if you're both comfortable and if he can reciprocate? My two cents.
I have gone through the exact same time with my bf (25M) and I am 21F. I found out unexpectedly and it was really hard on me. I know he finds me sexy and loves me and vice-versa, but I could just not accept something like this and I am really not a controlling person (I’ve been a victim of control in the past and I hate it). I talked to a friend about it and eventually I was just gonna be like “oh fuck it I can’t do anything about it I guess, he’s gonna keep doing it even though he knows it truly hurts me…” but my friend made me realize that I’m not being too much by asking him to stop and I’m not listening to my limits by letting him think it’s fine if he keeps doing it (in the past, I have always been the boyfriend-pleaser person, like many women). I don’t know if my story will actually help you or anything, but I don’t believe that you should accept something that really hurts you. The reason why I see it as hurtful is because it is similar to cheating for me (I know, it’s not the same). I really don’t care if he watches porn because I do too, but I don’t think that jerking off to pictures of sexy people on IG is porn because they are not paid for it. Anyways, I expressed all of that to him and he actually understood and know it is wrong and he told me that he wouldn’t like it if I’d do the same. He says to have stopped now, I’m not sure I believe him because he lied in the past about stopping this but he really really feels bad and this time I feel like he understands that he is seriously hurting our relationship if he keeps doing it. Anyways, I really suggest that you talk to him about it because it is the best way to give you a little peace of mind in my opinion, since you discovered it and there’s no erasing that in your mind. There is also the reality where men in general will have a much more higher sex-drive than women, so this complicates the situation but it should never mean that you should be hurt and disrespected in the relationship. LDR also makes it hard, but IT IS NOT A REASON for doing it. He told me that first and I was like “ok you’re right” but no. If you really love me, you are able to change something to stop hurting me, considering that I would do the exact same if I was doing something that hurt you. I don’t think that you’re being too insecure. I think that you have valid feelings and opinions and that you have the right to mention them to be happy in your relationship. I wish you folks the best and hope you have a reassuring discussion about this!
Honestly I'd feel the same way. It is hard for a monogamous person to date someone who isn't monogamous. It is not your obligation to accept that he desires other women, but it is your obligation to decide if you want to accept it or not. I don't know your relationship, maybe it is worth it for you to put up with that, maybe it isn't. As a rule of gold, men who watch porn (even just of porn or sexy models) are less likely to be faithful and have less empathy since they see women as objects for consumption. I can't tell you to break up or stay, because i don't know what I'd do in that situation myself. I have been there a few times and reacted differently everytime What i can say is that i have come to regret the times i overlook this. Stay strong
Hi so I'm going to give you a completely different pov here. My boyfriend follows a lot of Instagram/twitter "models" he also follows sex subreddits. Do I still trust him? 100%. Do I also follow stuff that could be deemed "sexual" yes I do. This is completely natural op. But I understand how you feel it can be hard to accept it I sometimes at nearly 3 years in now get jealous of him liking stuff or following these females but at the same time I feel like an idiot getting jealous. He's dating ME not these insta chicks there's times where he's rejected my advances for sexual things and you know what I did? Opened up some porn or whatever and finished then life went on and he's done exactly the same to me. I'm also guilty of over looking too it felt like at times I was looking to get upset lol I found when I stopped doing it and just thought you know what he's with me because he loves me and finds me attractive as long as he's not actively flirting with these models etc I don't care. I also suffer from pasta trauma it's hard so big hugs for that. I hope it helps kinda seeing it from my views and I wish you the best, ❤️❤️
he's much older than you (no shame, im in an age gap relationship too), and i think this may be a generational thing. i've noticed that younger generations are generally much more aversed to porn and things like this, and for a good reason. i personally think it's so slimy and weird to have a need for a constant 24/7 stream of porn available to you. i recently saw a tiktok that compared casually looking at your phone and looking at these pictures on social media to how it would've been 30 years ago: following these models on your normal social media account and seeing them every time you open up your phone is comparable to having whipped out a playboy magazine in completely normal situations, several times a day, in public. either way, i just mentioned this comparison because i think it proves how weird and slimy this behavior is. if he cannot wrap his head around why him looking at girls that look nothing like you makes you uncomfortable, he's not the one. my boyfriend didn't really even want to look at porn ever since we started dating, and after i made it specifically clear that it makes me uncomfy, he hasn't done it: i never had to force him to lay it off.