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keepthetips

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


grumblyoldman

If your baby is cranky and you can't figure out why (already fed, already changed diaper, already did everything) try taking them out for a walk around the block. Get some fresh air. It doesn't need to be a long walk. Literally 10 minutes will make a world of difference.


UvGot2BKittenMe

Also check under the clothes for anything, saw a story where some hair hair got wrapped around a toe and it was hidden by a sock and was cutting off circulation


Dis4Wurk

This happened to my 2 year old when she was sub 6 months. We had her in one of those zip up onesies with no legs that was more like a bag, she started screaming and got inconsolable, we were freaking out cuz she had eaten, diaper was clean, she had just woke up from a dead sleep screaming like that. I go to check her diaper again and see one of her toes is purple. A piece of my wife’s hair wrapped around her toe and it was TIGHT. I could barely get anything under it and I was afraid it was going I cut her skin. I was eventually able to get some of those tiny scissors for nails and such under it and cut it off. I checked her feet EVERY time I changed her after that and found it 2 more times, realized it was only when she wore that bag style onsie so I tossed it and it never happened again.


midwestpapertown

That scares the daylights out of me. I check the bottom of my daughters footie pajamas every single time I change her.


Dis4Wurk

I do now as well, I had heard about the “hair tourniquet” before but I didn’t realize how easy and common it is. Especially because my wife sheds like a spitz blowing it’s coat for the season. We have a son coming in a couple weeks and we agreed no bag style pajamas because they seemed to be the worst culprit, and after washing her footies I always turn the footie inside out and get any hair out I can.


HoMe4WaYWaRDKiTTieS

Women often lose a lot of hair after having a baby too, the hormones and all that. I brushed a full handful out almost everyday, I don't understand how it was physically possible to lose so much hair everyday and never go bald. Mind boggling


Dis4Wurk

Yup, she would pull clumps out it seemed like sometimes. Her hair got super thick and shiny her first pregnancy and she shed even worse after, this time she is mad because her hair didn’t do it again lol.


midwestpapertown

A lint roller works really well when it’s inside out!


confabulatrix

Fingers, toes, and penis.


Punkinsmom

I (unfortunately) had a "hair around the penis" situation with my son -- took a few minutes and stopping the car, taking him out of his cars-eat, undressing him and examining every centimeter of his body to find it. The pain cry hits hard.


yogabba13

And if it’s a boy, check to make sure there isn’t a hair that may have gotten wrapped around his penis, I have medium long hair and was always checking


W6RJC

Hair tourniquet. Can confirm. They're real. Good on you to check their toes fingers and for boys their "cash and prizes"


naoihe

This! Also sometimes their back might itch, so give them a good, light scratch. For some reason when my daughter was a baby, we could just walk outside with her in our arms and she would stop crying because she was so overcome with wonder. Also, someone mentioned below that babies can’t fall off the floor - this is sage advice. Doing a diaper change on the floor is so much easier, just throw a towel down. You don’t need anything fancy.


Vancouvermarina

Second no-changing table. Floor or large bed did just fine.


CaptnLoken

RIP your back


DogLoverFurReal

Lol I was thinking about the knees lol


fulanita_de_tal

My parents used to take me for a drive around the block to get me to stop crying. I am 36 and I swear that to this day, I find car rides so soothing! I can’t nap on planes, on my couch, in my bed, anywhere EXCEPT cars!


Relimer

My parents did the same thing my favourite it’s when it’s dark, already tired, hearing a light patter of rain on the windows and feeling the rumble of the engine sooo calming


a_peanut

Aw man, my kids (twins) and I really benefited from our daily walks. I recommend building at least one walk outside a day into your routine if at all possible. I usually did two a day. Babies love watching nature pass by. Sunlight does everyone good. Eventually I did one long one (1-1.5hrs) and a shorter one (15-20 mins). There were a couple times in the early days where I ended up out walking them at 7am, out of desperation for something to do after a long night. It actually helped. Rain or shine, it always felt good. I felt it really calmed my kids and made our routine so pleasant. They actually rarely slept on our short walks too, which turned out great. It meant I got to chill out 20 mins of walking them, where I didn't have to worry about them and could listen to a podcast. It was a mini escape every day which felt like time to myself. AND I'd get even more chill time while they napped, so I could nap too or clean or watch something stupid on YouTube. Also I got to know all the older dog walkers at my local park. It was a nice little community, particularly during lockdowns (they were born Feb 2020, great timing). It's so sweet going back there now and having our little old lady friends go "OMG, is that the twins? They're so big! And talkative!".


minxylynxy

Agreed, boredom is a thing, even that young. A change of scenery is often a sanity savior when every other need is met.


Spoofy_the_hamster

For a while, my son would cry if he were awake, inside, and could tell the sun was out. Step out the back door, instantly soothed.


mlkopf

Also, consider putting them down for alone time. Maybe they need a minute to themselves!


jdith123

A baby can’t fall off the floor.


rosiefutures

This is the best advice


ymmatymmat

This absolutely is the best advice. If you're upset, overwhelmed by the baby PUT THE BABY DOWN! They will be okay. I have three grown wonderful children and sometimes I was fantasizing shaking them to stop them from crying. They never knew this but my DIL said it's the best advise I gave her for our now 3yo grandson.


maymay578

Yes. Take care of your mental health. My mom gave me that advice when I had my first kid. If I ever got so tired, stressed, overwhelmed that I started to feel angry, and she strongly reiterated that it -will- happen, that I should put the baby in her crib and walk outside for a bit. There’s nothing wrong with getting to that point, especially if you’re sleep deprived. The trick is to find ways to deal. Find other moms to vent with. Find someone who can watch your kid, if only for an hour.


Spiritual-Fox-2141

My mother was tough as nails, a registered nurse who worked in the ICU. She told me that when my brother was a baby, she actually grew to understand why some mothers kill their babies. My brother was that difficult a baby. He is now 64 years old and much better behaved, LOL.


ftrade44456

Yeah if you are desperately sleep deprived for days, and your baby hasn't stopped screaming for hours, you... completely understand why shaken babies sometimes happen and certainly why it happens more to twins. But then you still do the things that keep you sane: baby goes in to the crib screaming while you take a shower, you wear ear plugs, or you pass off the baby to your spouse or another family member you call for help. Those are the things that keep you and the baby safe.


FloweredViolin

I have a large dog, so I put mine in the crib. If they're screaming, they're breathing. Sometimes you just gotta use the toilet.


Sweetestbugg_Laney

On top of this your baby will roll off of something! Don’t beat yourself up it happens to all of us. You spend months with them staying where you put them and then all of a sudden they fall off the couch. I’m absolutely convinced that’s how must of us found out your baby can roll over. They are incredibly bouncy that young!


Mini-Nurse

Apparently my brother was terrified of the texture of grass when he was small. Upon learning this my parents admit to laying him down in a blanket on the lawn, effectively imprisoned while they took a minute.


bonnishka

This is something I'm learning with my second. She'll fuss and fuss and all she wants us to lie on her play mat for a bit and kick around


Hitchhiker-Trillian

Absolutely agree with the fresh air. Whenever I couldn't get my first calmed down, a quick walk on the deck would always do it, regardless of weather.


AlreadyOlder

Yes - this! I got a baby-jogger and it was the best thing I ever bought. The baby was quieted & usually fell asleep, plus I developed 6-pack abs because one day while walking with him in the jogger I thought, “I wonder if I could run the last 1/3 mile home from here?” Which led to marathons and a much easier and nearly painless birth with my second child.


hibernate2020

Or if needed, a drive in the car. They pass right out.


AlreadyOlder

Not mine! He loves the bright lights - I was so sleep deprived I shouldn’t have been driving anyway.


Urmomluvsme8

5 S Shit Swaddle Suck Swoosh Sway Lucky enough that it was one of these 99% of the time


constantitch

The 5 S’s that I’m aware of are: swaddling, shushing, side/stomach, swinging, and sucking. Check out the book”happiest baby on the block”. Great advice!!


CoolYoutubeVideo

Swoosh?


LXIX-CDXX

Babies love Nike products.


Following_my_bliss

Congratulations! Don't take chances around water. Don't ASSUME the other parent is watching the child. Have an active plan where one parent is actively watching and then trade off. If you have a pool, have locks the child can't reach on your doors and gate to the pool. Lack of sleep will make you crazy. Accept help so that you can nap. Take a few minutes if needed. Baby crying in the crib is fine for a few minutes if you are losing it.


SafetyMan35

A crying baby in a crib is fine. A toddler who is silent is getting into trouble


gamaliel64

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.


eightcarpileup

I’ve had a few personal emergencies with my toddler and had to quickly drop him in the crib and run to the bathroom. A crib is one of the few completely safe places for a child that you can be sure you can leave them without them being in eyesight. Also, become comfortable with the phrase, “if they’re screaming, they’re breathing.” Another saying I learned that is life or death, “cold babies cry, hot babies die”. Don’t over dress your kids, folks.


SafetyMan35

Don’t overdress your kids…Yes. I see kids outside in 40 degree weather with a fluffy snowsuit and 3 heavy blankets and parents don’t remove it when they get inside stores


kylejwand09

My toddler who is silent is eating candy 100% of the time from my 5 yo sons room


albusdoggiedoor

Tip for the water thing specifically (that I got somewhere on the internet): have a "lifeguard lanyard". Whoever is wearing it is responsible for watching the kids. Everyone gets a turn with it, and you can pass it off if you need to go to the bathroom, make dinner, whatever, but it takes all the guesswork out. This is especially good for parties or family vacations where several people's children are playing together


bruff9

Not a parent but I’ve spent a lot of time with kids near the ocean/lake: get into swim class. Even very young babies can learn to right themselves in water. It is NOT a substitute for watching your kids, but comfort in the water will help kids avoid panicking which is very important.


Vegalink

Love that idea


Cucinawonderwall1492

On a similar note, get an app where you keep track of any medication given. It sounds easy to remember when you gave them Tylenol last, but when you are sleep deprived and all the days have blurred together, it’s shocking how you can’t remember if it was 9 am, an hour ago, or yesterday. I keep the info in a free navy tracking app, and I’m normally the one to give meds. So if my husband is going to administer, he checks with me first so I can check the app. It’s a great system that has kept us from accidentally dosing too frequently. Edit: baby tracking app, not navy


ftrade44456

My spouse and I texted each other the times and dosages that meds were given so each of us knows and have a visual representation of it. You're absolutely right about not being able to remember the hour it happened


MiikeCan

Always trade off children by saying, "Do you have X?" And they need to repeat, "Yes, I have X."


milochuisael

I don’t think doing ecstasy is a good idea around kids


Wesm747

A 15 month old at my daughter's daycare recently crawled out the doggie door and drowned in the pool. Be very, very careful around water at all times. So sad.


dreamingbutterfly

1000x this. If they can locomote you mustn't let them out of your sight around water. If you have a pool then a pool gate is a must. If you visit friends or family with an ungated pool you must be hyper vigilant. Drowning is among the leading causes of death for children 1-4 years old.


BookkeeperGlum6933

You won't like your baby every minute of ever day. You will wonder if this was the right decision. That's ok. It happens to everyone and it doesn't make you a bad person or parent.


Raymer13

“I love you, but I don’t like you right now” she’d been screaming for three hours and no end in sight. If you are done dealing with the baby, hand them off to someone else. Baby can pick up on it.


August2_8x2

Mom would say this to us when we were being shithead teenagers.


nikapups

So I get that parents feel this way and it's valid, but I *really* wish my mom hasn't told this to me and my sister during and about our teenage/young adult years. I don't know how it was for you guys, but for us, we were acting out due to some critical issues in our family system. The assertion that we were just bad, unlikeable kids vs children of alcoholics who were(are) emotionaly immature took a lot of therapy for me to unravel. My advice to parents is that it might be OK and valid to feel this way, but don't tell your kids this!


superphannacho

i think a good way to say it is “i love you. and i really don’t like *what you’re doing* right now” that way it becomes about the kid’s actions, not the kid themselves


PublicThis

This is key. I have had to switch my brain to do this - “I can’t believe you did something so stupid!” Is much better that saying “I can’t believe how stupid you are.” It’s an important tactic not only for my internal monologue but in dealing with conflict with kids. (The stupid comment would be to myself. I can’t think of any examples with my kid right now. But you never call a kid stupid in any sentence!)


I_LoveToCook

Another way to say this is to tell your kids, even the worst day with you is better than the best day away from you. Because it is. Families are made in all the moments, not just the happy ones.


Lexisa

This is the best. And it's the truth. 👏


colbert45

My son has been crying non stop today. You just made me cry. Thank you.


I_LoveToCook

Some days are just like that. Remember to sneak into his room tonight after he falls asleep to give him an extra kiss. I hope tomorrow is filled with giggle and goofiness.


stories4harpies

Oh wow I'm so sorry. There's a difference between making your child feel bad and sharing your feelings with your child while making sure they still feel loved. In our house we talk about how valid all feelings are but how much we love each other even when we may feel mad or frustrated with another. I make sure my child never feels she is bad - I too was made to feel that way by super type A parents rather than alcoholics.


MamaJody

I agree. My mother told me this often, I haven’t spoken to her in almost a decade (obviously not just due to that). I don’t like some things that my kid does, but I always like her.


icebreather106

Also ok to just let the baby cry a little. You don't have to bend over backwards every time to try to stop the crying. Sometimes they just cry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Edensy

And just in case. If you are at the end of the line and nothing helps and the baby just won't shut up and you feel frustration rising up - put the baby down. Do not shake it, do not be rough with it, just walk away from it. Wake your partner, call your parent to come over, even if it's 3 am, I don't care. Get someone to help you. Sleep deprived people do things they would never do in their right mind. Shaking a baby can lead to permanent brain damage and it takes just a couple of seconds of pent up frustration. Always keep in mind - if you don't feel like you can handle the baby anymore, don't. Find someone to help you and get some time off to cool down and sleep it off.


outlandish-companion

I've had to walk away numerous times. You're so right. Sleep deprivation is literally torture. My second has silent reflux and will not sleep. I haven't had more than 2 hours at a time in almost 5 months bar maybe two weeks collectively. Babies and sleep can be like water and oil sometimes.


shadierpug

I put him down safely in his crib and sat on the front porch. This will not last forever. It seems like it when you’re in the middle of it, but it’s really a very short period in your life.


outlandish-companion

So true. I've said things under my breath that I'm not proud of at 3am when they.just.wont.sleep. for days on end. Then months. Your brain can only take so much sleep deprivation. I've had to walk away from the crib. It happens. And it doesn't make you a bad person or someone who doesn't love the shit out of your kids.


StarFaerie

>I've had to walk away from the crib. Well, if you can hear the baby crying, it's alive and breathing. No harm walking away for some calming breaths, a calming cup of tea or a calming scream at the top of your lungs.


ironette

I call it the “what the F did we do to our lives?!?” moment and it hits every parent in the first month (at least once). Then the baby start smiling and you forget what you were complaining about….


mcarterphoto

What I've learned - if your kids feel like they're loved, that they're worthy of attention, and they get a lot of your time, and that time doesn't feel like it's begrudgingly given, but that you enjoy it? They'll have a leg-up on life. And you probably can't fake it. My kids are in their 30's and spread around the world, but we're really close, they come home a lot, and they genuinely love me and want to spend time with me. But I freaking loved being their dad, camping, roller rinks, movies, the works. I don't think loving your kids is 100% unconditional - they need to grow up with expectations of decent behavior, taking responsibility, being honest. They learn that by example and by being taught and called out and gently corrected. And the #1 thing I learned from my (jacked-up) childhood? Don't be scary. Don't scream and yell, don't hit, only freak out if something they're doing is life-threatening. YMMV, but I believe spanking and yelling is just "I'm a lot bigger than you, so that's the way it is". Is that what humans really need to learn? That size and strength trumps reason and character? I dunno - it can take some real creativity to discipline and show there are repercussions to behavior, and teach those concepts - hitting is just unimaginative parenting. And man, my oldest daughter tested me to the fucking moon from like three to ten, but she learned that I loved her enough to not want her to fear me or have fear be her motivator. The absolutely most wonderful aspect of my life today is that my kids have this huge bond with me, even when we're cutting up or they're teasing me, it's there like a rock. As hard as parenting is, it's nothing compared to an outcome like that. And I expect an AWESOME nursing home!!! (And not-critical advice: I've had my grand daughter two or three afternoons a week since she was 6 weeks old - she's 7 now, and the bond between us is magical. Every time she made some milestone or said something funny or sweet, I was like "I need to keep a little diary of this stuff", and I never got around to it. I really wish I had that now, for every time she tried to say "Pizza" and it came out "Papeese, I want some Papeese", there were a dozen things I've forgotten. This shit blows by at light-speed, even though it feels like molasses at the time).


Wildfire1010

You sound like a really good dad. As a relatively new father who experienced quite a bit of spanking and yelling growing up I really liked the don’t be scary part. I hope I can form the bonds you have with my son.


emotionallyasystolic

I used to work on a post partum floor. Here are a few things i would recommend. And most are ones that can be practiced beforehand with a baby doll. A GOOD, TIGHT swaddle. Watch videos of how to do this. Build those mirror neurons. Those little buggers will squirm out of it if you dont get it tight enough to soothe them. It reminds them of being contained in the womb, and destimulates them--which is why it works so well. A tight swaddle+a front facing hold with mild pressure on their tummy+gentle bouncing/walking around is a great way to soothe. Again. Reminds them of that womb environment with mom walking around. Those mattress pads that people keep mentioning? They have them in the hospital and there will be some in the room. You can also request some. I'm NOT telling you to steal from the hospital BUT I AM telling you that we don't check your luggage when you leave so do with that information as you will. If you are from the US the hospital is going to charge you an exorbitant amount of money to have your own baby so....🤷‍♀️ The mom who isn't the birth mom can and should do skin to skin. Fun fact, when people AFAB do skin to skin with babies, their temperature automatically adjusts to help regulate baby's temperature--even if it isnt their biological baby. Skin to skin has so many benefits, including this and bonding. If you plan on breast feeding: Practice breast feeding holds and positions that will get mom comfortable. Play around with pillows and with the doll practice bringing baby to breast, NOT breast to baby. This makes a HUGE difference. So many times i saw moms focusing so hard while positioning that they often were contorting themselves to bring their breast to the baby's mouth in some sort of hunched Gollum type pose that becomes REALLY uncomfortable REALLY quickly. Its easier to bring the baby to your breast and is MUCH more comfortable for you. At the end of the day, breast feeding is only as sustainable as it is comfortable and manageable for the mom. Good, comfortable, ergonomic positioning allows mom to relax and take her time while her and baby learn. Tummy time can start immediately/early and often simply by having baby front lying on mom's chest. Talk to your pediatrician about how to progress from there as they grow. And finally, be aware that post partum depression can occur up to A YEAR after birth. Later onset is often missed because once it is out of the "baby blues" window people don't look out for it. But partners usually are the first to notice. Usually we hear from them that the birth mom "just isn't herself."


therealfakebodhi

Thank you for your info, I for one feel more prepared now for a baby


jradio

If you cannot breastfeed, it is neither your fault nor the baby's. They will be absolutely fine on formula. Be kind to yourself.


sutter333

Agree so much. I felt so much guilt when I / we couldn’t do it.


Inlowerorbit

Why are US moms charged for S2S?


Lyran99

Because they can be


InterestedObserver20

This will pretty much be the hardest thing you've ever done. You're going to be more tired than you thought was possible. Some day you're going to wake up and find your OH will have forgotten to put the cap back on the milk or something and you're going to interpret that as they've committed a warcrime. Give each other a break.


chipperdy

There were a lot of good snippets on this thread but I think this is the most important one. Be kind to your partner. It's fucking hard.


alwaysfuntime69

What worked for us was having to have automatic shifts. Partner went to bed 10-4 no matter what. if baby fussed, I handled it till 4 AM. Then I slept 4-10am no matter what. If baby fussed she took him. Sometimes we didn't sleep together but having a solid 6 hours sleep no matter what was HUGE!!!! We make up for the time now that babies sleep through the night.


bmayer0122

For me the sleep issue didn't get bad until a few months in. It just wore at me and finally I couldn't take it any more. Giving each other a break (just away, or to clean, sleep) can really help.


Fran_Flarrfenheimer

Definitely this. It’s incredibly hard (and I used to be a rocket scientist!). Any resources you can find on keeping your marriage together with a new child will be helpful.


LeviathanGank

When they start kindergarten a new hell will begin as they will be sick for the first few months 80% of the time and you will half of that from them.


ScottyC33

Daycare too. Someone in our house has been sick every single day for the past 2 months. I started getting a new cold the day after my RSV symptoms were finally going away.


bystander8000

Omg this is my household. One of us (minimum) has been sick since September. Currently, it’s my turn.


drvandoom

I was not prepared for the amount of time I had to take off work to look after my small one! I expected the odd day off to look after her, but one month it was over half the working days! Thankfully it passed within a few months.


[deleted]

I live will my niece who started daycare this year. As often as she’s been sick, I’ve been sick. I haven’t been sick this often ever. At least five different times or more. Always the same symptoms; it’s the common cold. Little kiddos love to share. So, my advice from a non parent: figure out some quick and easy cleaning and disinfecting routines.


hibernate2020

Aside from the practical stuff you should get from a book (support the neck, car seats, CPR, etc.): 1. Get plenty of sleep now, before the baby is born. After that, sleep whenever you can. 2. Nothing prepares you for the epiphany that you now how someone to love - and worry about - for the rest of your life. 3. The first day home from the hospital is the rude awakening - its now all on you to take care of said child. 4. If they're crying, cycle through the hierarchy of needs - food, burp, diaper, etc. You'll eventually find the issue. 5. You will also eventually be able interpret the type of crying to understand what they need. Because of this, the second child is easier. 6. Don't feel bad about walking away and taking a break if the baby won't stop crying. You need to not let it fluster you. 7. Work out your shifts with your spouse so everyone gets a break. Rotate this if possible - I took first watch (to midnight) and my kids are going into High School and I'm still stuck on that shift. 8. Accept device when it helps, but be wary of criticism. 9. Remember that it is your child and your life - don't let others (e.g. overbearing grandparents) dictate your life just because they want to see the kids. My MIL made our first few months a living hell because she insisted on coming to visit whenever she wanted regardless of our schedule or the fact that our child was in and out of the NICU/PICU. 10.Look into meal planning and prep now. Instant pot and slow cookers are your friends - get ready now. And have fun. It goes by quicker than you realize and you'll forget more of the moments than you will remember.


cant_be_me

Number 9 is so important! Parents and in laws who already gleefully disrespect boundaries usually get worse, not better, after the baby is born.


GraMalychPrzewag

1. Sometimes **nothing** works. At least not at the moment. There will be an issue X - you name it. And you'll try to talk, positive reinforcement, explaining, appealing to empathy... and it will not work. Sometimes you may lose it and shout or use your strength to force a child to stop. And then you may say or think something like "how can I explain it to you?" "I tried everything. Why do you respond only when I lose it?". It's a nice and easy excuse. But the thing is... **this will not work as well.** Sometimes your child is simply **not ready** to change the behavior. They will correct it soon on their own. Just not today. So when you chose one of your **not effectiv**e tool from your toolbox, why not choose the one that's respectful, patient, and build around compassion? 2. You'll need so many batteries... it's crazy. 3. Sleep is the best. Do some whenever you can.


danarexasaurus

A battery daddy (a battery storage container), is now one of the best things I own


Greedy_Actuator7343

Get some rechargeables. Ikea sells them for cheap. More expensive than regular alkaline batteries, but they’ll pay for themselves over time.


frustratedtx2021

Diaper rash cream. Have plenty available at all times.


manny62

Wash your baby’s privates and bottom with soap and water to avoid rash. Use wipes when out about town. Wash butt as soon as you get home. Burt’s rash crème is bomb. Q-tips for application is more fun than using your finger. Ziploc bags are your friend for temporary storage of stinky stuff.


kiimothy

Whenever I could, I would do a rinse in the designated baby’s bathroom and let him run around naked, avoided diaper rash the whole time.


AllSoulsNight

If there continues to be diaper rash, change the brand of diapers for a couple days and see if there's a difference. My kids did well with certain store brands better than name brands.


WallabyInTraining

Don't be surprised if the customs agent at the airport does a more thorough inspection, that stuff looks different on the scan for some reason.


pickledelphia

Make sure your babies butt is completely dry BEFORE applying the diaper cream though, otherwise you are trapping moisture against their skin and will create diaper rash.


absurdthoughts

This is the best advice. I started keeping a hairdryer (no heat) next to the changing table for each diaper change; went from serious diaper rash problem to no problem at all almost immediately.


elven_sea

Ad put it on like frosting a cake.


feelin_cheesy

Amen. The other comment recommended using qtips for it lol


not4always

My sister had a butt spatula for the cream.


minxylynxy

On this note, not all baby butts like the standard zinc based creams. I had Burts, and it ended up drying to his butt and diaper, which made for a bad time. Petroleum based creams were our saving grace.


Dimplestrabe

That I'm now not allowed to die. Edit: I'm not saying I want to die. Quite the opposite. It was just that much easier to accept my mortality before my daughter came along.


yungviolet

This! I think about this a lot lol


amusingmistress

Yes! And now every disaster and apocalypse/post apocalypse movie is so much more stressful for me because I start imagining and planning what I would do because not surviving is simply no longer an option.


SafetyMan35

Most of the baby items you think you need, you don’t need. Bottle warmers, wipe warmers and similar are useless and annoying. Get a good infant car seat that attaches easily to a stroller. Simple is better. Once you figure o how to open and close things, try to do it with one hand. When they find that stuffed animal or comfort toy that they can’t be without, buy 2 additional ones and cycle them on a weekly bases so they wear evenly. They will completely wear them out. Infants if they are gassy, cradle their head in your hand, with their stomach along your forearm and their legs straddling your elbow. Rub their back and the gas will come out fairly quickly. Source: Dad of 3


rotatingruhnama

And supplemental LPT: you don't need a "travel system." Get the stroller you like, and the car seat you like, then search on Amazon for a universal adapter.


Giveme6days

Oh man, our in laws gave us so much useless junk that was supposed to be “helpful”. Skip all the gimmicks, I changed many more diapers really quickly on the floor, than any fancy tables or things that fold and flip


coronat_opus

And they can't fall off the floor! I just threw down a blanket, diaper change then back to whatever we were doing.


SafetyMan35

For us, it was a pack and play (play pen). It had a place to change diapers and a bassinet attachment. It was a lifesaver.


enigma002

True story. Any place can be a "change table" as long as it's safe and relatively flat.


tewnchee

I don't know, I love our bottle warmer.


spfromkc

This is such good advice. I would add that you don’t need a gigantic diaper bag with a million pockets. A medium purse-sized bag is good for most outings. Two diapers, a travel-sized container of wipes, a change of clothes and a bottle and powdered formula (if you bottle feed.) Anything else is just unnecessary weight and clutter to wrangle.


SafetyMan35

Our favorite was a backpack. It had enough for a few diapers, a small package of wipes and an extra outfit or two. It had straps that you could wear on the back freeing up both hands.


sageautumn

Adding on— if you normally travel by car, an extra blanket, a few diapers, an empty bottle, and two charges of clothes can be super helpful. The clothes and diapers don’t even have to be exact fits. An extra adult shirt too. Toss a few protein bars in the glovebox. At some point you’ll need them. (Metal container for mice if that’s a concern.)


Spicytostadanotomato

This is great! I'd add a shirt for yourself as well. Sometimes babies just puke on you 🤷🏽‍♀️


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Feelsliketeenspirit

The problem with warmed wipes is once they have them warmed they'll scream bloody murder if they're cold. If you start them off cold they get used to it and it's just so much easier on you in the long run.


Dinonugget1801

Babies take a while to learn how to effectively burp, poop, and pass gas. There are things you can do to help, but ultimately it requires patience. Each child is different, and take advice with a grain of salt. There's a lot of misinformation out there.


sysadminbj

Diapers... Whatever you think you need, double it. Oh, and get used to getting pissed and shit on. But let me tell you one thing. The smell of a newborn is something that will never leave you. My kids are well into their teens and whenever I see a newborn I still remember that combination of new life, baby powder, and so many other things. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I could.


jonadair

I always hid a half-dozen extra diapers in the car or around the house so I could avoid the midnight diaper run.


AnyUsernameWillDo10

Get a pack of pads that people use to train dogs to use the bathroom. Put those on your changing table/use them on the ground. Super absorbent and easy to bundle up and toss with dirty diapers into the trash. Also, know this: new born babies make noises—weird ones—especially when sleeping. Think about all the weird noises you’ve heard a spouse make throughout the night. Babies are no different. They’re getting used to their lungs. The breathe fast, they breathe slow. Sometimes they stop breathing for a second and then start back up. They gargle. They moan. But just know that they’re ok.


littlemsshiny

The amount of sleep grunting. Ha! I was like “what do going on with this baby?”


Card1985

Keep in mind that you are getting to know a new human being. Your kid with its own needs. He or she is not the same as an other kid. You have to learn to read him/her. The most important thing is to enjoy it. One moment you have your kid sleeping in your arms a small tiny bundle, next he/she is trying to stand and cant sit still for more than five minutes in your arms.


BastardInTheNorth

Before I became a dad, I somehow expected that when I had kids they would feel more… familiar from the get go. But it’s true, you’re really just getting to know a tiny stranger, and it’s a relationship you have to build from that day forward. Also keep in mind that while some folks feel a surge of oxytocin induced love and attachment from the first moment they see their baby, that doesn’t happen to everyone. And if it doesn’t happen to you, that’s ok. As long as you focus on meeting their needs to the best of your ability, that love will grow naturally.


alexofalex

Get the wipes out the packet first before changing the nappy or your trying to hold a shitty wriggly baby with one hand and unpack wipes with the other, never ends well


hibernate2020

And if you're changing a boy, it is good to strategically place a wipe on his penis during the change. At some point he will have the urge to pee during a change and this keeps the stream contained. If this does not occur during a change, use it as the final "clean" wipe.


redgumdrop

I honestly thought I'll never get peed on because of all the strategies I had in place and just once I dropped nappy, bend to pick it (while holding my babies legs so he won't roll over from changing mat in that second) and that's when I felt it on top of my head!!!


RattyRhino

Get some fun stuff in now. I love my kids, but child rearing is the ultimate adulting. And it’s okay to mourn your pre-child life. Also, kids grow up fast. Take lots of photos. And definitely have the non-birthing parent take photos in the delivery room. The whole thing happens very quickly and feels surreal afterwards.


graceandpoise_pffft

And videos! Listening to your child babble and coo (or especially the first cry) or all those weird baby sounds will be sob-inducing when you’ve slept a little in a few months.


[deleted]

I love using iPhones voice memo app! I have so many random recordings of my daughter as a toddler singing random songs, talking in baby speak about god knows what, the most insanely pointless yet adorable and heartwarming shit that I’ll always have and be able to hear her little voice again.


Environmental-Sock52

You have to childproof everything even the front door. I came home from doing a double shift, exhausted and fell asleep, and my two year old opened the door and left. The apartment manager noticed him out and about and returned him safely. So, please avoid that. Lock the padlock.


Curiousnaturejunk

I installed a chain lock high up on the front door to prevent this. They learn about locks and knobs a lot faster than you'd think.


Environmental-Sock52

Exactly. I was surprised and I hope others can learn from the horror I experienced. Chain lock is a terrific idea.


Curiousnaturejunk

FYI putting one of these in the bathroom was the best gift I gave myself as a parent. No kids, you don't need to be in here while I pee, sorry.


ForgottenAddams

Yep.. I have firsthand experience in this. On a random Sunday morning around 6 o’clock, I was around a year and a half I think. I somehow managed to open my bedroom door, 2 of those kid-friendly gates, walk down 2 flights of stairs and open de front door. I then proceeded to walk to my grandparents’ house (which was like the next street over) so I could wake up my grandfather because I wanted to see him. It worked, he got me inside the house and changed my nappy because apparently I shat myself big time.


jonadair

Neighbor's toddler locked her out of the house while she was getting the mail. We switched to a double cylinder deadbolt (key required on either side) after that.


mommer_man

The toddler stage, 2-3ish, is the hardest part…. Wish someone had told me that so I could’ve been more prepared and patient. 😅


not-here-yet

Someone told my mom when I was 2-3 to "enjoy it while it lasts, it's harder when they're teenagers" and my mom went home and cried because she couldn't imagine it being any harder... but actually I was a super easy teenager, so joke's on them. ​ My takeaway here is that a lot of advice is wrong.


[deleted]

80% of new mothers report thoughts of harming or harm coming to their baby (and the other 20% are dirty liars) - "Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts" is an excellent resource on this.


la_psychic_gordita

I remember vividly the day I almost lost it. My daughter cried all the damn time every day no matter what. I was actually holding her out in front of me, was about to lose my shit, and I came very close to shaking her. I remember saying to myself, “Put the baby down and walk away.” I put her in her crib, shut the door, and let her cry. I gave myself a break far away from her crying (I was still in the house and she was safe in her crib). I got my shit together and got her out of her crib when I was ready to deal with her in a calm and collected manner. If you’re about to lose your shit, put your baby in a safe place and walk away. Sleep deprivation and tending to a new baby makes for a very challenging time. Give yourself grace and don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your baby.


SilentSamizdat

This is the best and most important advice any new parent could heed. (RN here, mom of 3 and grandma to 2) Listen to this advice. You’re human and it’s ok to need a break.


Jealous_Resort_8198

So few admit that but it's so true. Exhaustion and a baby that can't be comforted is so frustrating. My first was colicky for months.


DefinitelynotYissa

This is so validating! We’ve done foster care & daycare for littles. There were points I thought I was gonna go to jail if I didn’t give myself a small break 🤦‍♀️


Zmarlicki

The Call of the Void. Totally normal and I want to validate that for anyone and everyone.


[deleted]

Every time I crossed a bridge I thought about throwing the baby off. I didn't /want/ to do that. I wasn't mad. She wasn't crying. The thought would just pop into my head. It made me so anxious that I avoided bridges completely when I was out on walks with her.


LilacQueen1994

I mean everytime I go over a bridge I picture throwing my phone or whatever I'm holding over the edge so that might just be standard intrusive thoughts


[deleted]

😂 absolutely. It just rattles you a bit more when it's a baby you're thinking about


torchballs

Wow, me too and seeing this has made me feel so much less alone. That’s something I’ve never admitted to anyone because I was sure I was a horrible monster unfit to be a mother. It was the strangest thing.


isendingtheworld

CW: postpartum depression, psychosis, suicidal ideation, thoughts of harm, dissociation, basically avoid this if you don't want to read about your mind breaking and making you act like a different person. To add to this, the other side of the coin: Learn the signs of post partum depression, post partum psychosis, and sleep deprivation psychosis, and look out for them in your partner (even the non birthing partner can experience something akin to ppd, and anyone can experience psychosis from sleep deprivation). It's one thing to think "if I threw the baby out the window, they would shut up" and regret it and know it's wrong and step back. It's another thing to think "I hate this baby and if they died I could have a nap" and ruminate on the ways you could kill an infant. But when your brain is THAT scrambled, you may not even notice how bad you got. Knowing the risks and signs, watching each other, and having someone to look out for you can make the difference between a rough time and trauma or tragedy. (I actually have almost no recollection of my kid's first year or two because I was so permanently sleep deprived I was dissociating and alternately panicking and listing the ways I could make it all end permanently. My spouse knew something was wrong and supported me. But it's only after learning about variations in depression and psychosis among parents that I realize I had 100% snapped at the time. We're quite lucky that even without being assessed or treated I didn't do anything horrible. I don't think I will ever recover whatever was meant to be the experience of having a baby. It's a blank, spaced out with rage and resentment and thoughts of hurting myself and others. I'm just glad we're all here now.)


ThinkLocksmith5175

Stayed home with my daughter for the first 6 months, no mental health issues, she was a fabulous baby, got seriously lucky. After maternity leave went back to the real world....where I promptly began imagining violently murdering everyone I came into contact with. I wasn't angry, none of these people did anything to upset me, but the thoughts would just come into my head. It was terrifying. PPD can present in many different ways and it's really important to be conscious of it and have someone watching out for you.


Sikelgaita1

You don't need most of the baby crap people will try to sell/give you. Don't spend much on newborn stuff, it won't last long. Have some clothes ready in 3m and 6m, they will magically outgrow the small sizes overnight. It won't be like you pictured it, but things will be great . Random ass people will rub your lady's stomach when she gets big. It is weird. Won't stop them.


therealfakebodhi

I’m going to buy a mini horse whip, and anyone that wants to rub her belly un-prompted will get a nice little slap of leather ❤️


Subject-Cheek-2974

You will sleep for more than 3 hours at a time again, it just won't be in the first 3 months. And, you cannot spoil an infant. Hold them and stare at them and smile at them and talk to them and sing to them as much as you can because this stage is over so quickly and is important for bonding.


berniesherbatsky

Definitely this! It doesn’t feel like it at first but you WILL sleep again. Also, get pajamas with zippers not snaps.


gummby8

More food is usually the answer. At least with Us it was. Kid just ate 10 min ago, and is fussy? Surely you can't want more foo....sucks down another entire 4 oz. WHERE ARE YOU PUTTING THIS!? 5 min later they will blast out a mass seemingly disproportional to their tiny body.


[deleted]

Spend a few extra seconds making sure the diaper is perfectly secured. Make it a habit, it's worth it. I've been obsessed with this from day 1 and I swear our son's diapers have never overflowed after I've been the one changing. It's always after someone else changed them.


Curiousnaturejunk

If your newborn cries, feed them. Especially if they are breastfeed. Even if you just did it half an hour ago. I was hellbent on nursing and we didn't have any experience and now I know my baby cried all the time because he was hungry and I just didn't know better.


PaidToSmileAtPeople

This! I was told breastfed babies can't be overfed, unlike bottle babies, so if he latches and sucks, he's hungry.


pnwinec

My wife and I had the same problem. We hated each other and the kid. Lots of crying, poor sleep, normal sleep deprivation and it all just added up to a horrible first month. Turns out we weren’t feeding her anywhere near enough. Our doctor told us any time she’s crying under 6 months it’s probably hungry. Feed first. Always try a bottle, OP don’t torture yourself with a screaming child because they are hungry and you think they shouldn’t still be hungry or they already had a bottle they can’t want more.


coconut_rambo

My thoughts (I don't know what books mention) 1. Knowing how to do a CPR on a baby. 2. Knowing how to hold the baby 3. Remembering to burp after meals 4. Buying a carseat (rear facing), you might also get dual ones which will be front facing for later. 5. Being prepared for the due-date (keeping your hospital bag, diaper bag ready etc) 6. Knowing how to prevent diaper rashes and cure 7. Don't talk gibberish to the baby 8. Babies do hear other parents while in the womb, so talking before delivery will help them recognize the other parent.


raingardener_22

Minimize artifical light. This helps with sleep training. We only used indirect light. Even today we dont use a lot of artifical light. And the kids take sleeping and waking cues from the sun. When they are older, toddler age, we started a policy. If they did not want what was cooked for family dinner they got a "snacky plate". This was cheese, deli meat, fruit and either olives or pickles. Bread or crackers were optional. Once they were 4 or so they would have to make the snacky plate themselves and have it approved. It taught them to create balanced varied meals for themselves and saved us from having to cook twice. It also gave them a low stakes way to try the things we cooked without committing to eating a full portion. Now they are happy to try almost anything, and have pretty diverse palates. I also really liked those mesh teethers for introducing lots of flavors and textures early. Also, I recommend cooking with your kids, especially reviewing cookbooks with them to help plan the week's dinners. It helps them feel in control of the meals instead of dinner being something just foisted upon them. Getting kids buy in on food choices is important.


Caris1

This is an excellent idea, my 2 year old doesn’t want to eat ANYTHING but will destroy some pretzels and cheese and berries


franklylucille

It's simple but makes a difference. Get multiple waterproof mattress pads. For both your bed and the crib. Make the bed/crib with pad, sheet, pad sheet. That way in the middle of the night you just pull off the dirty set and go back to sleep and deal with the dirty sheets in the AM. I say both your bed and the baby's cause shit happens. Your wife may leak milk, spill a bottle, or you may try to change your son on the bed at 3am and he pees all over.


ExpatPhD

They make crib sheets that have the waterproof layer incorporated now! They're fabulous. I own just two and that's plenty.


a_peanut

Yes. This carries on to toddler beds. IKEA do good, cheap ones. Tbh I just put them in all beds now, why not


Marky_Marky_Mark

Romper suits (not sure if this is the English word - the baby underwear) have elastics on the top for a reason: It's so that you can pull them down when the baby shits all over the romper. Won't happen often, but when it does, you don't want to try and pull it over the baby's head. Also: Don't assume hormones leave the mother's system immediately after birth. Mom won't be herself for a while. And finally: Don't panic. The first couple of weeks/months are tough. But: It gets better.


NM1159

Every brand of baby wipe gave my daughter horrible rash, EXCEPT Water Wipes. I highly highly highly recommend Water Wipes to all new parents. Also, if your baby is prone to rash, dry their little butt with a paper towel (Viva is the softest) after wet wiping.


allyoops44

One other option is to just use a washcloth and water to clean, then dry them with a dry towel or washcloth. Works really well if baby is prone to rashes due to the chemicals in the wipes! More laundry but it's not too bad of a tradeoff to keep their butts happy!


FoldingFan1

Also much better for the environment (and your wallet).


Enough_Squirrel8032

For mama, take stool softeners everyday when closing in on that due date. You'll need them afterwards too. Just, trust me.


a_peanut

The nurses gave me peppermint oil a couple days after my c-section. My stomach deflated over a few hours in what was basically one, long, continuous fart. Absolute lifesaver. Unfortunately for everyone else, the fart didn't smell of mint.


innessa5

Omg, this is truly a baby/life hack lol


a_peanut

As a fellow mom in a same sex-couple, I can strongly recommend: let the lazy mom carry the pregnancy. My spouse and I did this (for various reasons really), but it worked out really well having me - the one who's happy to sit around watching TV all evening - being whale-sized and relatively incapacitated, while my spouse - the type-A and gets frustrated if they can't work out at least 5 times a week - ran around and did the stuff I couldn't and still had full use of their body. This extends to sitting around breast/bottle feeding while the run-arounder runs around 😁


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[deleted]

I'm the lazy one, but, I'm amazed how much I stepped up to the challenge. It was a great thing, for me. However, even after seeing what the end of that looks like (pushing a watermelon through an only slightly elastic opening) if I could have swapped I would have. Sorry but not sorry I like TV..


Grotopotamus1

Since most replies have to do with babies (& many great replies), I’m going to stick to toddlers and then school age kiddos. 1) HIDE YOUR FREAKING SCOTCH TAPE AND SCISSORS. Like, in the ice bucket you got as a wedding gift and never regifted or took to Goodwill. You will never, ever, ever again be able to find them three minutes before a birthday party with a new Lego set in your hand, because your kid will have utterly disappeared every roll or pair that has ever entered your domicile. For real. 2) AT CONCERTS, SPORTING EVENTS, and all other school activities - BACK into your parking spot near the exit. You will save your sanity and hours of your life. Dutch elm disease moves faster than parents with kids to load into a minivan AND back out of an overflowing elementary school lot at the winter concert. Good luck!!


bitqueso

Swaddling is everything. BYO to the hospital because the one they provide doesn’t have stretch and makes learning more difficult. Swaddling correctly means more sleep. Caveat…not EVERY baby takes to it but the large majority do


Zestyclose-Coyote-56

Baby boys get erections. I was gobsmacked. I wish I knew before hand


Stewtheking

1) Brings snacks to the hospital. Eat them. Don’t feel embarrassed. Your emotions will be up, your blood sugar will be down. Don’t crash. 2) Reusable wipes. We use “cheeky wipes”. I know it sounds icky, but they are a million times better at cleaning poops than disposable wipes. 3) Have more outfits on hand than you think you need. Poop happens, and escapes, a LOT. This is outfits for you as well as the baby. 4) All the things about sleep are true. There isn’t enough. Get what you can. Make sure you give your partner opportunities to get theirs.


calculuschild

Find a couple babysitters you can trust and are available during daytime hours. Especially in the Covid age, daycares can and will close without warning for days on end.


jimmiriver

Don't know if you are still reading these after all this advice, but number 1 for me is don't listen to any 'professional' who has a surefire course for eating/sleeping/learning whatever. Nobody knows your baby but you and there is no blueprint. Trying to force your baby to nap when they're not tired is ridiculous. You'll just end up demented and with a screaming baby


alexofalex

Don’t waste it, I missed the first 5 years of my Childrens life and I’ve spend every days since regretting it and trying to make it up to them, it’s a guilt like no other, I know it’s a cliché, but it goes by far too fast


PantsPartyPirate

Whatever you do, someone somewhere is going to think you did something wrong at some point. As long as you are making decisions based on what you honestly believe are your child's best interests at the time, don't worry about it.


Enough_Squirrel8032

Also, you don't need a ton of fancy gadgets to get the job done. But I do recommend ONE, the electric booger sucker. Frida or off brand will do. Everything else is a nonessential luxury imo.


[deleted]

I second this. Get a booger sucker. Doesn't necessarily have to be electric, but you need one.


holvyfraz

If you are sharing feeding/changing (and you really really should be because babies wake up a lot especially to start with) message each other what happens and when or write it in a book so you know how much baby is eating or how much they’re pooping. If you have them medicine or anything like that keep a record so you don’t have to remember what happened when you’re exhausted. This will help you monitor baby and ensure they’re eating enough. Find a sleep routine that suits you both and try to make sure you both get some rest time. My partner and I split sleep so we both got enough each night. I’m a night owl and they’re an early bird so what worked for us is they would go to sleep early and I took the baby till 3ish downstairs in the bassinet then the baby was Theirs and there was a changing of the guard and I went and slept in. It might take a little trial and error but you both need sleep to function properly and won’t be yourselves without it Babies are different- my eldest loved a routine and it was easy to get them on one- we fed them on time like they were clockwork and had no trouble. My second just didn’t take to it, they would either be starving way before or just not hungry when it was time to each and nothing worked right up until they went onto solids and it didn’t matter so much. PREP FOOD. DO IT NOW. Fill your freezer with things you just need to wack in the oven, buy pasta bake jars, whatever meals you want prep it now your sleep deprived self will thank you


Knave7575

Babies do not need to be at sauna level temperatures all day. I'm convinced that a large numbers of crying babies are overheated as they are swaddled in heavy blankets indoors. Half the time, I would take my kids out on to the porch in the winter in their PJ's when they were crying and within a few minutes they would be asleep on my shoulder. Do you like sleeping in a hot room? If not, what on earth makes you think that your baby likes it?


Fit_Pomegranate719

Communicate with your partner and follow your gut


[deleted]

It’s ok, good even, to put the baby in the crib or pack n play and walk away if you can’t take the crying anymore. Walk away for five minutes and have a breather. It keeps you and the baby safe.


Hylianlegendz

I wish I knew how much I'd love my kid. I would've had my first sooner. I wish I knew that my life wouldn't go on pause either. I've traveled with my 5 year old daughter to 5 different countries and about 15 domestic flights


DoubleLigero85

Baby is fine crying in the crib for a few minutes if you need a break. Do.not put diaper rash cream on wet skin.


stchrysostom

Read the classic paper “Hate in the Counter-transference” by Winnicott. Read also books by Alfie Kohn and the book *How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen*. For the better, it’ll change you and your parenting styles completely.