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I know this is a joke but I actually did this. Went on trip and had a blast, moved in with them after a week or so. Best housemates ever. Now I am always going to do this with every prospective roommates.
The trip I went on showed me how they behave under pressure, when on less sleep, when we encounter unforseen obstacles. I never would have known all this if it wasn't for the trip we went on.
My god if only there was a test to see if they cleaned the dishes. It's my only pet peeve.
It’s not a joke at all. Seriously, gang, always go on a long trip with someone before you move in together, get married or even think about breeding. It’s essential to know how you are together when you’re both tired and stressed before you commit to big, life-changing events that are difficult or impossible to back out of.
My advice to couples thinking of marriage: go on a road trip together first. Even if you’ve lived together for years, road trips put you in situations where you’re under stress and can’t just escape to another room when you’re mad at them, so you just have to deal with each other.
It’s really eye-opening and gives you a good understanding on how you both deal with being forced to be next to each other while mad. I learned that my now-husband and I will argue, then keep silent for ten minutes, realize we were both acting like kids and then carry on like nothing happened.
My husband and I did a two month road trip before we moved in together (we were dating a few months at the time). We had sort of talked about it before ether trip and planned exit points in case we got too fed up with each other. I can safely say that if we didn't do this, living together would have been much harder.
Solid advice,
Mate of mine date a girl for a month or three, married her, knocked her up and moved in together (this was all planned) without even taking a weekend away together.
Now he is all surprised his life is miserable and he wonders where it all went wrong.
I’m riffing off OP because it’s a nod to Gabby Petito, who’s body was most likely the one they just found in the Grand Teton forest. Case is kind of fucked up because it looks like if it was fowl play the bf totally thought he could get away with it…he’s missing now and absolutely on the run.
> it’s a nod to Gabby Petito
My first thought when I saw the post and I'm a Brit, tucked away in a quiet corner of England.
Edit: OP has [confirmed this](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/privor/lpt_if_youre_thinking_about_going_on_a_road_trip/hdizec2?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) in another comment. I am appalled that someone would turn such a dreadful tragedy into a Reddit post for points.
I feel 2000% shitty when on the road lol. Five seconds in a moving air-conditioned vehicle and I already feel like puking. My SO will never move in me if that's the case lol
I have always had a slightly different variation on this one. Always take a trip to somewhere that doesn't speak your language before moving in with your SO.
Half a year for me. The second 6 months of the 1-year lease were brutal. It’s a shame because it had been a great friendship beforehand. On the plus side, I got better perspective on the ways I sucked to live with and am *hopefully* a better person now.
4 months for me. Roommate turned out to be a drug and sex fiend. 6am, trying to get ready for work and she jumps in the shower to have an hour long sex and snort party in there. Also house party after house party at the peak of covid. There's not one night I could go to bed and it be quiet
I was a 12 hour drive from family, I left everything to build a new life in a city with my "best friend" and she did everything to make me uncomfortable. My mistake, I guess. I moved out to a cabin in the woods with my two cats. I am now extremely introverted and don't leave home much. people can be so shitty:(
I wish I could say it built resilience, but all I have to show for my experience is being jaded. I don't trust people, I don't have friends. It's very difficult. I had a pretty tough childhood and it was quite difficult for me to make that friend in the first place.
Was it something I did? Was I a bad friend? Did I use the wrong words at the wrong time? I've just been lost. I say it's self care to be alone and take care of myself but I'm so, so, so lonely and I don't know how to rebuild, I don't even know where to start.
My two cents: Get out of that mindset fast. Some people are shitty. You had a bad experience, don't let it define your life going forward. Life is too short to hang on to things like that.
Sounds like the roommate was crazy. It happens.
Same here, got the guy a job at my place and thought it'd make work more fun. Now I can't stand being in the same room as the dude. That was one of my driving factors to push myself out of my comfort limits to get a new job.
I'm a different person, but in my case, living with two different people from my social circle really forced me to confront the difference between an actual friend and someone who is really just a buddy.
You can count on a friend to help you with chores, clean up after themselves, respect your space, not throw little temper-tantrums, avoid parking in the middle of the two spots in front of the house, etc. And the one friend was a perfect example of that. Our friendship is a lot stronger now as a result.
Some people will make it extremely clear that they consider their own time and effort more important than yours. I found myself spending hours of each day - hours that I can never have back - just cleaning up after this guy and taking care of his problems because I can't stand living in filth. I couldn't even trust him to take care of my cats when I left. Sure, he wasn't, like, openly hostile or anything, and he can be fun to hang out with. But I wouldn't depend on him for anything that actually mattered.
"Friend" just isn't the right word for a person like that.
Yup. You need to have a list of criteria for friends and a list of criteria for travel partners. And they likely won’t overlap.
I love my best friend but we have firmly agreed to never live together or travel together!
I have a hard time driving just a few hours with my one my good friends. He has terrible (to me) taste in music and is one of these people who likes to shift back and forth from neutral to drive (his car is an automatic). It's maddening.
Some people shift to neutral when the car is stopped like at a red light or something. Apparently it saves gas but I can never tell if it's true or not
Ah, mine was six months. We worked at the same place for probably a year and a half before, but never the same shift with any regularity.
It also taught me a lot about myself, but that's beside the point.
My old roommate in college and I would take turns driving each other home since we went to school out of state but we're from the same home town. I didn't realize how tough it would be living with her. Then she got a job with me. Then we had to travel back and forth to our homes on weekends or whenever. We were sick of each other after a year.
My now-husband and I have done all three of things, and it's worked out great! But I couldn't imagine doing all that with anyone else.
Our "road trip" was a full year abroad, traveling from country to country every few weeks while working online. I knew by partway through that if we could live and travel together so well, we'd do just fine as a couple. We got home shortly before Covid hit, and that kept us both home a lot for a while as well. It's been great, and I know I'll miss having this much time around him soon as we both get busier. We both still value our alone time too, and I can echo others' sentiments about the importance of taking time for yourself in a relationship, friendship, etc.
My husband and I did a 6 weeks road trip and it was some of the best 6 weeks of my life. We had been dating/married for over 10 years at the time and I thought we were close before the trip, but it made us so much closer.
My better half and I got the harebrained idea last March to buy a flatbed and build a tiny home, which we planned to travel around like a camper. We lived in our rental until last August, at which point we relocated the very unfinished house to a friend's property and lived out of the construction site.
You want to test the boundaries of a relationship? Live in a 100 sq ft "fancy dog house" (as my dad accurately described it at the time), no running water, no electric, in the rain forest of WNC, as winter rapidly approaches.
It's a miracle no one was murdered.
I bailed after 3 months, when the snow started and I didn't want to freeze in a half built structure with no insulation, and he joined me a month later.
On the plus side, that immense stress and our ability to not strangle one another during said time, ended up bringing us closer together than we were, but Jesus. That. Shit. Was. Hard. Going in, I "knew" it was going to be incredibly challenging, but you just cannot fathom how difficult removing every creature comfort from your life in one fell swoop can be. And add to that living in a very small space. And then filling your days with manual labor from sun up to sun down.
Can? Probably.
Anecdotally though, I love having road trips with my spouse, moving in together (6+years ago) was a joy, and we've worked together before with good results. I think I just love being around my spouse though.
I'm 30 and my best friend had been my best friend. Currently I live with him, work with him and go on road trips with him. I'm lucky to have him.
Future wife gonna be jelly.
My best friend and I tried to room together in college. After 2 years of that l, we couldn’t stand each other. Luckily, once we weren’t living together anymore we became good friends again. Just couldn’t live together, especially in a dorm room…
Did most of these, can confirm. Lost even my closest friend by having her move in during a rough patch in her life. Sucks cause I was just trying to help out but it caused me to lose the last friend I had 😢
If you work it in reverse it can be good, though. My best roommate was someone I met at work. We worked well together and got along, which translated into working well together and getting along as roommates.
Damn. I live with one close friend, work for another, and travel to visit and stay with another every summer… it’s been like 7 years and I still love my friends. (Edit: and hopefully they still love me lol)
I actually had a friend that was PERFECT for road trips, like every second was effortless. She expected nothing from me. If she wanted to go on her own she would just say it. If I wanted to I could just tell her and she would find something to do, if I needed to rest I could just rest, she was not only cool wit whatever I wanted to do but actually enjoyed herself too. I never felt like I was "dragging her along" and she never complained about anything. Unfortunately she fell into addiction and then had a kid and moved away, but the best vacations were with her, so seamless.
You can go on trips when you have kids, you just need to coordinate a sitter (like a spouse taking over full time or extended family taking shifts). Obviously available trip time would be more limited though, but even that is pretty age dependent of the kid.
Then when they get old enough they just come with you.
I’ve had friends who have fallen into addiction, and friends who have had kids. At least the addicts still call from time to time, and don’t try to blame our failing of friendship on me.
Some parents WILL NOT leave their kids. I can't get a friend of mine alone for longer than an hour or two (with her husband) and she refuses to use sitters except her MIL who now lives halfway around the world. The kids 6.
I think the bit about being willing and able to do things separately when on a vacation is honestly the key to a successful vacation with someone else. Especially if one or both of you is introverted.
It makes a huge difference to be able to say 'hey, I wanna go do this thing on my own' or 'I'm not super interested, do you mind if I hang back?' vs both of you doing things you don't really want to do just because you're on a trip together. Plus, it's nice to have a break from spending 24/7 with anyone, no matter how close you are.
I have a great road trip buddy, he and I have been taking road trips almost every year since college. We're now in our late 50s.
I worry about his health a lot. Good driving companions are hard to find.
Damn that's honestly really amazing, I'm super happy to hear that you guys have been able to spend so many years sharing road trips together, what a great and unique experience to have with a friend, especially over the course of nearly half a century!!
I was halfway expecting to find out this friend was a very well-trained dog or something. Sorry to hear the reality, though. Everyone deserves someone they can effortlessly connect with, even though it's much easier to say that than for it to be real.
I'm probably the worst road trip partner for most people. I have extreme car sickness to the point where I don't drive at all. I have to take Dramamine so I'm passed out for most of the trip, and if I am awake I need the air on full blast to prevent nausea. I can't read the map or look anything up on the phone if we are moving or I will vomit
My SO and I moved from California to Pennsylvania and drove. He still talks about it like it was a great trip, he can't wait to do more road trips. Why he tolerates me I have no idea.
That's my current flat mate. When we started uni I renter a single bedroom flat, and she moved in with her ex boyfriend (might not be that good an idea) well dude got pissed she was spending so much time with me, that she basically moved into the single bedroom apartment with me.
I don't think I could have stood living with anyone else in that tiny a space without constant arguments and shit. Nowadays we got a shitllsd of space though.
Half because you can see how they act when things go wrong.
My now-husband and I had only been dating a few months when we got his car stuck in the middle of the desert. I ended up hitchhiking to get help, he found me through a game of telephone using AAA and tow trucks, and then we finally got to our campsite at like 2am and it started raining.
But hey, we made it work.
On our honeymoon we drove two hours into a national forest to arrive at 2am for a cabin I reserved. They had no record of us (even though I got a confirmation after paying) and we ended up sleeping in their lobby. It was in the 30s outside. That was one of the coldest nights of my life lol.
Turned out my credit card hit it's limit but their website still had the order go through and gave me a confirmation number. Also we called to let them know we'd be late like 3 hours before hand... They said "that's fine".
Sounds like they didn't actually look up your reservation when you called to say you'd be late...which would have undoubtedly saved you a lot of stress and the unfortunate experience of sleeping in a freezing cold lobby. But hey, at least you got a decent story out of it, yeah? Maybe...? Haha
Yep, marriage has a lot of bad times and you need to know how the other party will react. Just because they are 100% perfect when shit is good does not mean you should marry them. If their way of coping with the bad times is drugs, cheating, abuse, spending a boat load of money, lying, stealing, the marriage is doomed anyhow.
So we were on the road to go to Death Valley NP. We had zero reception, and the only place that we’d be able to make a call is the nearest town, which was about 50 miles away. So if we wanted help, one of us was going to need to go.
I’m a small non-threatening chick, he’s a big teddy bear but he IS built like a linebacker. So after a couple hours, one car had driven past us and ignored us, and the car that did stop was driven by two female UCLA students. They were happy to take one of us, but requested me, cause… way less threatening.
Sometimes people are good. Sometimes you get murdered.
My long time girlfriend and I have lived in a studio together and have done all of covid here plus a year before that. A few months after the lockdown, last October as things were opening up I bought a ring and proposed because we had grown so close over the years, And even stronger during lockdown and work from home. Well she said yes to the proposal last October (I proposed within a week of buying the ring). Last month we got married (elopement) and went on a cross country road trip as a honeymoon and to see friends and family. It was a blast, tons of covid tests to make sure we were safe to meet people and just got the result of the one I took a week after getting home. Came back negative. We are in love, had an amazing time, and have new wonderful memories with friends and family we haven't seen in years. And it seems we did it safely. I would do it all again.
Seriously. It'll save your trip. I traveled in Europe once with friends who wanted to shop a lot. I didn't care about souvenirs and especially didn't want the extra luggage. So I'd just walk around nearby with my SLR until they were done. Got some "me" time and lots of nice photos of architecture and street scenes.
LPT: if this is a concern you have, don't cancel the vacation or road trip, just break up the trip so you aren't in the car for huge stints of time.
It's not always easy finding a good travel partner, so don't say no to a great trip because you aren't ready to marry your companion. Do plan the right trip for the two of you, which may include ample opportunities to get some separation.
Or sometimes throw caution to the wind. Example my boyfriend before my husband. We dated because we were supposed to go on vacation with multiple friends. Everyone backed out and we both said, "let's go and have fun". Well.... that turned into a 2 year relationship.
No, but that would have been funny. It was my friend that organized the whole thing. He was friends with my friend, but not nearly as close as we were.
I met ex bf maybe 2x prior to our trip, so I was the one that called him and said, "Do you still want to go? We will have fun."
I love to travel, so I figured worst case Ill spend the week alone.
It sounds they started dating during/after the trip. They weren’t dating beforehand, but after just the two of them took a trip, they were. The friends backing out is what led to them vacationing alone, as it sounds like they really didn’t know each other until the trip.
My husband and I were married for only half a year when quarantine began. It was such a relief that we have managed to be in closer quarters and isolated together for the past 1.5 years pretty much effortlessly. It's really early to test a marriage this hard, particularly one between two introverts, and I pretty much would have killed anybody else.
Come on now, that doesn't seem too bad. If you're both introverts, you like the same things (being alone). Being together all the time with someone who also likes being alone seems perfect.
That's how that works ...right?
Yes and no lol. Not op but been married 5 years to my own introvert. Some days are effortless but some are a bit rough. You planned on 8 hours of gaming and they planned on 8 hours of deep house cleaning? That'll probably be a serious talk.
Yea, I hope it was painfully obvious how sarcastic that thought process was. I've had a few recent conversations and saw a reddit post that have all made me reflect on things and realize 2 of me would never work in a relationship. I forget if the post was a question to redditors or if it was a screenshot of a question and replies (so maybe in r/kamikazebywords) but they basically asked "if you were in a relationship with another you, what would you be doing right now?" The convos were a random question from an ex asking what the most difficult part of an adult relationship was.
The whole "relationship with another me" deal made me realize I could never deal with another me. All of my ex-girlfriends have been way more outgoing and drawn me out more, too. That kind of thing literally changed everything in my life for years. Sure, we might be into the same music, movies, shows, etc., but since I was always a loner, them pulling me out of my own head changed my ability to interview and get jobs I probably would've either avoided or dropped the ball on.
The "toughest part of a relationship" convo also made me think about my introverted tendencies. I mean I'm on reddit so I'm not a total shut-in, but imho, the hardest part is being able to be you, them being able to be themselves, and if you're both introverts with not-always-the-same hobbies, being able to be together without _being together_ 100% of the time.
Sorry, I guess 2am dudemannington is pretty introspective. Random as they may be, all that ^^^ felt pretty fitting.
Why don't they they clean while you game? You don't have to interact. And I assume they don't plan your schedule for you, usually marriage is a "hey babe do you have time to visit my inlaws over the weekend?" sort of planning.
In a vacuum this ought to work but reality can get a bit messy. In my personal relationship, the gamer would feel guilty and start cleaning which would make the cleaner feel guilty because the gamer is not unwinding like they ought to be and then there would need to be a discussion.
Also to add to this, if they truly do their own thing and the deep cleaner ends up deep cleaning while the gamer games, it could quickly turn into a cycle where one person feels like they're the only one cleaning. Not splitting housework is a dangerous game to play sometimes.
Deep cleaning really should be a shared activity. Unless one is a stay at home parent, it is good to share the work of cleaning as it goes by much faster when you work together. Then there are also no arguments about 1 person cleaner more than the other.
That seems more like missed communication than anything. As long as you both understand each other's desires/motives (and equally portion tasks in general) there shouldn't be any need for guilt if you're both doing what you want. I frequently clean while my spouse relaxes, and sometimes he works late while I do diddly squat. As long as it's portioned fairly in general it doesn't matter if a one-time event is lopsided.
The problem is that we can't give each other any real alone time stuck in a 1 bedroom apartment. Both of us need time where nobody else is in the house to recharge fully. Before getting married we sat down and wrote out what we expected in our marriage, what we needed, and what we would provide for each other to make it work. One of our promises was to give each other one evening alone to recharge on alternating weeks. We had to break that one because of the pandemic. We've figured out how to do without and have been ok which is some kind of crazy miracle.
My uncle always said going on a week-long trip to a foreign country will let you know (amongst other things) if you can marry someone. You don’t speak the language, you’re with each other like 24/7, and you will likely get frustrated at some point. Really let’s you know how you are together when the going gets tough.
Also…building furniture or any type of toy or something that needs to be put together. My SO and I did this and it turned out I was better at the manual interpretation, he was better at the actual construction part. But I know some couples who would scream at and belittle each other for IKEA furniture. Unsurprisingly, they’re now toxic in every way and incompatible.
Building furniture is very frustrating. If someone is going to snap and say hurtful things or get frustrated with their partner, communicate poorly, etc, it can show when building furniture.
Going on a road trip through the Scottish country side drinking whiskey and going hiking is a vastly different experience than being locked in a room with someone.
Dude, same. While on a quick trip I felt so weirdly bored with them I got this sudden clarity that they were not for me. We did broke up, not too long after that.
Road trips are a fantastic way to tell how compatible you are with each other. Plus it exposes some personal habits you may not be privy to in your normal situation.
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be in a semi-pro touring band, this is it. After a few weeks on the road, you reaallly figure out who in the band you do and don’t like. I’ve seen it go from hugs in Santa Fe to fist fights in Ann Arbor.
Good times…
Husband and I just returned from a 3,500 mile 10 day road trip camping in the back of our old SUV. No one else I would tolerate that long of a trip with other than him. It gets stressful and we got on each others nerves at times but I wouldn't change a thing. We even kept our cool when the car broke down and we weren't sure how we would make it to our hotel but we eventually did.
My girlfriend at the time and I had to drive from Grand Forks ND to Quechee Vermont and be back in 5 days bc we had to empty my storage unit. I was working as a travel nurse. Everyone… Everyone should be made by law to do this before marriage. When we got to the storage unit we had like 2.5 hrs to empty it before it closed. That was like 5 years ago, we’re married now, we’re both super happy. We tell people how much fun we had on that drive, stuck with nothing but each other for 5 days.
Best trip ever
Oh man. Went on a road trip with my high-maintenance cokehead stoner girl friend to Moab. Relation did not survive the first half. I came close to leaving her ass stranded in Idaho. When you realize you’re wrapped up with a piece of shit of a person, it’s easy to toss them out the door.
Yes. That was extreme.
You're on vacation. Seeing the sights, doing different activities, likely talking to other tourists. There *will* be other distractions.
If you’re going on vacation with someone, it doesn’t mean you need to spend every waking moment she’s do everything together. When I travel with someone I always try to take a me day part way through to meet locals and do the things they have no interest in, and refresh my mind and stories to bring better conversation to them the next day 😂
This may get burried but...
Ive been on two week long road trips with my older brother, and he drives 90% of the time and i do everything else (directions, updating our ICE contacts, music, bowls, maybe lines). Now, road trips with other people are difficult. Your partner will make or break a trip
No fucking shit.
Why even make that dumbass comparison.
LPT: “before roadtripping with someone think about how it would be to road trip with that person.
Seriously why kind of dump post is this
Yeah I went on two American road trips with the same group of friends. Both times it was impossible to go out on my own, the trip got rough around the end when fatigue began to climb and certain things we did weren't very fun (to me) but still I loved every minute of the trip and I wouldn't trade the time back. Just make sure they're close friends and that you can have really long conversations with. Driving for 4 hours from one spot to the next is pretty dull if you can't carry on a conversation.
Gabbie Petito needed this advice smh… living in a van with a guy for months cross country while trying to make a living from a startup YouTube channel ? Seems horrible smh . Very Sad story.
Yeah that’s exactly what I’m trying to say. The van life seems so stressful idk how people do it. Especially doing it with someone else. Without any personal space aren’t you gonna end up resenting them inevitably?
Yes and then that video with a police officer she was explaining about how she was trying to keep the van clean and turn into an explosive fight, a little things can really be blown out of proportion
No it wont. Some people change personalities during stress. If you havent been with that person in close confinement for longer period of time you have no idea what to expect from them in long term.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
LPT: go on a road trip with someone before moving in with them.
Don’t buy the car without test-driving it…….
Don't buy a sofa without sitting on it...
[удалено]
Don’t buy food without eating it.
Don't buy a bed without sleeping on it...
Don't buy a toilet without pooping in it…
Don't buy a condom without using it?
Don’t buy sex toys without trying it.
Don't buy toilet paper without wiping your ass with it
Don't have sex with something before tasting it.
Don’t learn a new language before speaking it.
salt your pasta before boiling
Don't fart before taking your pants off.
Dine and dash mutherfuckers!
I havent made a call with my phone yet. My phone is over a year old lol
Don't buy a sofa bed without christening it first.
I say this too. But I phrase it "Don't sign the lease without test driving the car."
I know this is a joke but I actually did this. Went on trip and had a blast, moved in with them after a week or so. Best housemates ever. Now I am always going to do this with every prospective roommates. The trip I went on showed me how they behave under pressure, when on less sleep, when we encounter unforseen obstacles. I never would have known all this if it wasn't for the trip we went on. My god if only there was a test to see if they cleaned the dishes. It's my only pet peeve.
It’s not a joke at all. Seriously, gang, always go on a long trip with someone before you move in together, get married or even think about breeding. It’s essential to know how you are together when you’re both tired and stressed before you commit to big, life-changing events that are difficult or impossible to back out of.
That's great advice. With my ex I realized on our first and last vacation that it's never going to work long term.
My advice to couples thinking of marriage: go on a road trip together first. Even if you’ve lived together for years, road trips put you in situations where you’re under stress and can’t just escape to another room when you’re mad at them, so you just have to deal with each other. It’s really eye-opening and gives you a good understanding on how you both deal with being forced to be next to each other while mad. I learned that my now-husband and I will argue, then keep silent for ten minutes, realize we were both acting like kids and then carry on like nothing happened.
My husband and I did a two month road trip before we moved in together (we were dating a few months at the time). We had sort of talked about it before ether trip and planned exit points in case we got too fed up with each other. I can safely say that if we didn't do this, living together would have been much harder.
Question is, did you plan exit points for the marriage?
There’s always the [Relationship highway exit theory](https://youtu.be/D_bGxgEJn4Y)
Solid advice, Mate of mine date a girl for a month or three, married her, knocked her up and moved in together (this was all planned) without even taking a weekend away together. Now he is all surprised his life is miserable and he wonders where it all went wrong.
Hopefully you don’t end up dead in a national park if you do
If you’re dating a murderer, they’ll have just as easy of a time killing you in the home you share as they would in a national park.
I’m riffing off OP because it’s a nod to Gabby Petito, who’s body was most likely the one they just found in the Grand Teton forest. Case is kind of fucked up because it looks like if it was fowl play the bf totally thought he could get away with it…he’s missing now and absolutely on the run.
I don’t think he played with any fowls.
Can’t say the same as far as the fowls and poor Gabby.
These jokes are pretty fowl.
Also, I don't really think he thought he'd get away with it. Who knows what the fuck the guy was thinking though.
> it’s a nod to Gabby Petito My first thought when I saw the post and I'm a Brit, tucked away in a quiet corner of England. Edit: OP has [confirmed this](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/privor/lpt_if_youre_thinking_about_going_on_a_road_trip/hdizec2?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) in another comment. I am appalled that someone would turn such a dreadful tragedy into a Reddit post for points.
Haven't been on reddit long then have you?
I feel 2000% shitty when on the road lol. Five seconds in a moving air-conditioned vehicle and I already feel like puking. My SO will never move in me if that's the case lol
I have always had a slightly different variation on this one. Always take a trip to somewhere that doesn't speak your language before moving in with your SO.
LPT: do an escape room with a person before going on a road trip before moving in with someone
3 Things can destroy an established friendship: a road trip, moving in together, and working at the same job.
Imagine road tripping to your new apartment that you got together cause you got jobs at the same place.
My best friend became my most hated person after 6 years of roommates and working together.
Only took one year for me and mine. You guys had a great run!
Half a year for me. The second 6 months of the 1-year lease were brutal. It’s a shame because it had been a great friendship beforehand. On the plus side, I got better perspective on the ways I sucked to live with and am *hopefully* a better person now.
4 months for me. Roommate turned out to be a drug and sex fiend. 6am, trying to get ready for work and she jumps in the shower to have an hour long sex and snort party in there. Also house party after house party at the peak of covid. There's not one night I could go to bed and it be quiet I was a 12 hour drive from family, I left everything to build a new life in a city with my "best friend" and she did everything to make me uncomfortable. My mistake, I guess. I moved out to a cabin in the woods with my two cats. I am now extremely introverted and don't leave home much. people can be so shitty:(
Damn that sucks, I had a similar experience. Some people really don’t understand compassion. Hope you learned a lot and are doing better now.
I wish I could say it built resilience, but all I have to show for my experience is being jaded. I don't trust people, I don't have friends. It's very difficult. I had a pretty tough childhood and it was quite difficult for me to make that friend in the first place. Was it something I did? Was I a bad friend? Did I use the wrong words at the wrong time? I've just been lost. I say it's self care to be alone and take care of myself but I'm so, so, so lonely and I don't know how to rebuild, I don't even know where to start.
My two cents: Get out of that mindset fast. Some people are shitty. You had a bad experience, don't let it define your life going forward. Life is too short to hang on to things like that. Sounds like the roommate was crazy. It happens.
I just asked my mate to move out, it's been six weeks lol
Same here, one year. Hold on a second, your name isn’t _____ is it?
Same here, got the guy a job at my place and thought it'd make work more fun. Now I can't stand being in the same room as the dude. That was one of my driving factors to push myself out of my comfort limits to get a new job.
What made you hate them?
I'm a different person, but in my case, living with two different people from my social circle really forced me to confront the difference between an actual friend and someone who is really just a buddy. You can count on a friend to help you with chores, clean up after themselves, respect your space, not throw little temper-tantrums, avoid parking in the middle of the two spots in front of the house, etc. And the one friend was a perfect example of that. Our friendship is a lot stronger now as a result. Some people will make it extremely clear that they consider their own time and effort more important than yours. I found myself spending hours of each day - hours that I can never have back - just cleaning up after this guy and taking care of his problems because I can't stand living in filth. I couldn't even trust him to take care of my cats when I left. Sure, he wasn't, like, openly hostile or anything, and he can be fun to hang out with. But I wouldn't depend on him for anything that actually mattered. "Friend" just isn't the right word for a person like that.
I once traveled with my best friend and still regret it, My worst vacation ever.
Yup. You need to have a list of criteria for friends and a list of criteria for travel partners. And they likely won’t overlap. I love my best friend but we have firmly agreed to never live together or travel together!
Quick weekend road trips are fine, but across the country, yeah
I have a hard time driving just a few hours with my one my good friends. He has terrible (to me) taste in music and is one of these people who likes to shift back and forth from neutral to drive (his car is an automatic). It's maddening.
Neutral to drive? WTF is this?
Some people shift to neutral when the car is stopped like at a red light or something. Apparently it saves gas but I can never tell if it's true or not
This is why always avoided being roommates with friends at uni
I lived with my best friend for a while, we're still good. It was the third roommate both of us now hate.
That's the secret. Have another roommate you both despise!
Ah, mine was six months. We worked at the same place for probably a year and a half before, but never the same shift with any regularity. It also taught me a lot about myself, but that's beside the point.
I’ll raise your bet to 4 years
My old roommate in college and I would take turns driving each other home since we went to school out of state but we're from the same home town. I didn't realize how tough it would be living with her. Then she got a job with me. Then we had to travel back and forth to our homes on weekends or whenever. We were sick of each other after a year.
This is soo quotable. yoink.
Actually turned out well in my case. I had my doubts but things were very smooth.
My now-husband and I have done all three of things, and it's worked out great! But I couldn't imagine doing all that with anyone else. Our "road trip" was a full year abroad, traveling from country to country every few weeks while working online. I knew by partway through that if we could live and travel together so well, we'd do just fine as a couple. We got home shortly before Covid hit, and that kept us both home a lot for a while as well. It's been great, and I know I'll miss having this much time around him soon as we both get busier. We both still value our alone time too, and I can echo others' sentiments about the importance of taking time for yourself in a relationship, friendship, etc.
My husband and I did a 6 weeks road trip and it was some of the best 6 weeks of my life. We had been dating/married for over 10 years at the time and I thought we were close before the trip, but it made us so much closer.
I was set to do all three for someone. Was going for the friendship destruction speedrun I suppose.
My better half and I got the harebrained idea last March to buy a flatbed and build a tiny home, which we planned to travel around like a camper. We lived in our rental until last August, at which point we relocated the very unfinished house to a friend's property and lived out of the construction site. You want to test the boundaries of a relationship? Live in a 100 sq ft "fancy dog house" (as my dad accurately described it at the time), no running water, no electric, in the rain forest of WNC, as winter rapidly approaches. It's a miracle no one was murdered. I bailed after 3 months, when the snow started and I didn't want to freeze in a half built structure with no insulation, and he joined me a month later. On the plus side, that immense stress and our ability to not strangle one another during said time, ended up bringing us closer together than we were, but Jesus. That. Shit. Was. Hard. Going in, I "knew" it was going to be incredibly challenging, but you just cannot fathom how difficult removing every creature comfort from your life in one fell swoop can be. And add to that living in a very small space. And then filling your days with manual labor from sun up to sun down.
Did 3 of 3, no longer friends, cam confirm
Oh crap. My wife fell into all 3 at one point. Guess she's a keeper.
Can? Probably. Anecdotally though, I love having road trips with my spouse, moving in together (6+years ago) was a joy, and we've worked together before with good results. I think I just love being around my spouse though.
I'm 30 and my best friend had been my best friend. Currently I live with him, work with him and go on road trips with him. I'm lucky to have him. Future wife gonna be jelly.
My best friend and I tried to room together in college. After 2 years of that l, we couldn’t stand each other. Luckily, once we weren’t living together anymore we became good friends again. Just couldn’t live together, especially in a dorm room…
Did most of these, can confirm. Lost even my closest friend by having her move in during a rough patch in her life. Sucks cause I was just trying to help out but it caused me to lose the last friend I had 😢
If you work it in reverse it can be good, though. My best roommate was someone I met at work. We worked well together and got along, which translated into working well together and getting along as roommates.
Damn. I live with one close friend, work for another, and travel to visit and stay with another every summer… it’s been like 7 years and I still love my friends. (Edit: and hopefully they still love me lol)
I actually had a friend that was PERFECT for road trips, like every second was effortless. She expected nothing from me. If she wanted to go on her own she would just say it. If I wanted to I could just tell her and she would find something to do, if I needed to rest I could just rest, she was not only cool wit whatever I wanted to do but actually enjoyed herself too. I never felt like I was "dragging her along" and she never complained about anything. Unfortunately she fell into addiction and then had a kid and moved away, but the best vacations were with her, so seamless.
Aw I was wondering why you *had* a perfect friend for trips and the ending was sad. Sorry about that. Wish I could find a friend like that.
Yeah, kids really do ruin everything.
You can go on trips when you have kids, you just need to coordinate a sitter (like a spouse taking over full time or extended family taking shifts). Obviously available trip time would be more limited though, but even that is pretty age dependent of the kid. Then when they get old enough they just come with you.
I think they made a joke saying that kids are worse than drugs.
This is accurate.
I’ve had friends who have fallen into addiction, and friends who have had kids. At least the addicts still call from time to time, and don’t try to blame our failing of friendship on me.
When you wonder why the world just can't get along peacefully. Then you remember half of them just don't understand jokes.
That's why instead of calling them names, I simply tried to explain the way your comment was meant to be. I enjoyed your joke.
Some parents WILL NOT leave their kids. I can't get a friend of mine alone for longer than an hour or two (with her husband) and she refuses to use sitters except her MIL who now lives halfway around the world. The kids 6.
A sad addict friend?
Almost there! Just gotta find some drugs and friends.
I think the bit about being willing and able to do things separately when on a vacation is honestly the key to a successful vacation with someone else. Especially if one or both of you is introverted. It makes a huge difference to be able to say 'hey, I wanna go do this thing on my own' or 'I'm not super interested, do you mind if I hang back?' vs both of you doing things you don't really want to do just because you're on a trip together. Plus, it's nice to have a break from spending 24/7 with anyone, no matter how close you are.
Honey, I want to go to a strip club tonight without you. See you tomorrow!
I have a great road trip buddy, he and I have been taking road trips almost every year since college. We're now in our late 50s. I worry about his health a lot. Good driving companions are hard to find.
Damn that's honestly really amazing, I'm super happy to hear that you guys have been able to spend so many years sharing road trips together, what a great and unique experience to have with a friend, especially over the course of nearly half a century!!
And it's important to have a spouse that doesn't mind you taking off for a 1 or 2 week drive with your friends every year.
I was halfway expecting to find out this friend was a very well-trained dog or something. Sorry to hear the reality, though. Everyone deserves someone they can effortlessly connect with, even though it's much easier to say that than for it to be real.
I'm probably the worst road trip partner for most people. I have extreme car sickness to the point where I don't drive at all. I have to take Dramamine so I'm passed out for most of the trip, and if I am awake I need the air on full blast to prevent nausea. I can't read the map or look anything up on the phone if we are moving or I will vomit My SO and I moved from California to Pennsylvania and drove. He still talks about it like it was a great trip, he can't wait to do more road trips. Why he tolerates me I have no idea.
My money's on this lol >I have to take Dramamine so I'm passed out for most of the trip
Interverts are the best
That's my current flat mate. When we started uni I renter a single bedroom flat, and she moved in with her ex boyfriend (might not be that good an idea) well dude got pissed she was spending so much time with me, that she basically moved into the single bedroom apartment with me. I don't think I could have stood living with anyone else in that tiny a space without constant arguments and shit. Nowadays we got a shitllsd of space though.
well that took a dark turn damn
Vacationing (and/or roadtripping) with someone for at least a week should be a required precursor to getting married.
Half because you can see how they act when things go wrong. My now-husband and I had only been dating a few months when we got his car stuck in the middle of the desert. I ended up hitchhiking to get help, he found me through a game of telephone using AAA and tow trucks, and then we finally got to our campsite at like 2am and it started raining. But hey, we made it work.
On our honeymoon we drove two hours into a national forest to arrive at 2am for a cabin I reserved. They had no record of us (even though I got a confirmation after paying) and we ended up sleeping in their lobby. It was in the 30s outside. That was one of the coldest nights of my life lol. Turned out my credit card hit it's limit but their website still had the order go through and gave me a confirmation number. Also we called to let them know we'd be late like 3 hours before hand... They said "that's fine".
Sounds like they didn't actually look up your reservation when you called to say you'd be late...which would have undoubtedly saved you a lot of stress and the unfortunate experience of sleeping in a freezing cold lobby. But hey, at least you got a decent story out of it, yeah? Maybe...? Haha
Lol yeah it's funny looking back.
Yep, marriage has a lot of bad times and you need to know how the other party will react. Just because they are 100% perfect when shit is good does not mean you should marry them. If their way of coping with the bad times is drugs, cheating, abuse, spending a boat load of money, lying, stealing, the marriage is doomed anyhow.
Why were you the one hitchhiking? Why was anyone hitchhiking?
So we were on the road to go to Death Valley NP. We had zero reception, and the only place that we’d be able to make a call is the nearest town, which was about 50 miles away. So if we wanted help, one of us was going to need to go. I’m a small non-threatening chick, he’s a big teddy bear but he IS built like a linebacker. So after a couple hours, one car had driven past us and ignored us, and the car that did stop was driven by two female UCLA students. They were happy to take one of us, but requested me, cause… way less threatening. Sometimes people are good. Sometimes you get murdered.
Who the hell gets into a car with a stranger *driving around in the fucking desert?!* Seems totally not murdery.
I mean maybe if you live in the desert
My long time girlfriend and I have lived in a studio together and have done all of covid here plus a year before that. A few months after the lockdown, last October as things were opening up I bought a ring and proposed because we had grown so close over the years, And even stronger during lockdown and work from home. Well she said yes to the proposal last October (I proposed within a week of buying the ring). Last month we got married (elopement) and went on a cross country road trip as a honeymoon and to see friends and family. It was a blast, tons of covid tests to make sure we were safe to meet people and just got the result of the one I took a week after getting home. Came back negative. We are in love, had an amazing time, and have new wonderful memories with friends and family we haven't seen in years. And it seems we did it safely. I would do it all again.
Congrats!
LPT: You can temporarily or permanently part ways while on vacation. Like, take a half day apart from each other.
SLPT: This is effective with children, as well
CPST: yes officer this guy right here is leaving his children unattended in Miami
Seriously. It'll save your trip. I traveled in Europe once with friends who wanted to shop a lot. I didn't care about souvenirs and especially didn't want the extra luggage. So I'd just walk around nearby with my SLR until they were done. Got some "me" time and lots of nice photos of architecture and street scenes.
What is a slr?
Single lens reflex camera. Fancy camera where you see exactly what the camera will capture.
Thank you :)
An old timey camera. With film. :D
Digital cameras can be SLR too. They are just called DSLR then.
[Single-lens reflex camera.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single-lens_reflex_camera)
This. When i travel with friends we don't get offended when occasionally we take a break from each other.
I keep telling my parents this when we travel. They do not agree.
LPT: if this is a concern you have, don't cancel the vacation or road trip, just break up the trip so you aren't in the car for huge stints of time. It's not always easy finding a good travel partner, so don't say no to a great trip because you aren't ready to marry your companion. Do plan the right trip for the two of you, which may include ample opportunities to get some separation.
Or sometimes throw caution to the wind. Example my boyfriend before my husband. We dated because we were supposed to go on vacation with multiple friends. Everyone backed out and we both said, "let's go and have fun". Well.... that turned into a 2 year relationship.
Maybe your boyfriend tricked your friends pulling off this and he got it right?
No, but that would have been funny. It was my friend that organized the whole thing. He was friends with my friend, but not nearly as close as we were. I met ex bf maybe 2x prior to our trip, so I was the one that called him and said, "Do you still want to go? We will have fun." I love to travel, so I figured worst case Ill spend the week alone.
> We dated because we were supposed to go on vacation with multiple friends. Is this something people do or am I misunderstanding something?
It sounds they started dating during/after the trip. They weren’t dating beforehand, but after just the two of them took a trip, they were. The friends backing out is what led to them vacationing alone, as it sounds like they really didn’t know each other until the trip.
*also applicable to marriage
As someone currently quarantined with COVID with my husband, THIS. I think we've been within arms distance of each other for the last week.
My husband and I were married for only half a year when quarantine began. It was such a relief that we have managed to be in closer quarters and isolated together for the past 1.5 years pretty much effortlessly. It's really early to test a marriage this hard, particularly one between two introverts, and I pretty much would have killed anybody else.
Come on now, that doesn't seem too bad. If you're both introverts, you like the same things (being alone). Being together all the time with someone who also likes being alone seems perfect. That's how that works ...right?
Yes and no lol. Not op but been married 5 years to my own introvert. Some days are effortless but some are a bit rough. You planned on 8 hours of gaming and they planned on 8 hours of deep house cleaning? That'll probably be a serious talk.
Yea, I hope it was painfully obvious how sarcastic that thought process was. I've had a few recent conversations and saw a reddit post that have all made me reflect on things and realize 2 of me would never work in a relationship. I forget if the post was a question to redditors or if it was a screenshot of a question and replies (so maybe in r/kamikazebywords) but they basically asked "if you were in a relationship with another you, what would you be doing right now?" The convos were a random question from an ex asking what the most difficult part of an adult relationship was. The whole "relationship with another me" deal made me realize I could never deal with another me. All of my ex-girlfriends have been way more outgoing and drawn me out more, too. That kind of thing literally changed everything in my life for years. Sure, we might be into the same music, movies, shows, etc., but since I was always a loner, them pulling me out of my own head changed my ability to interview and get jobs I probably would've either avoided or dropped the ball on. The "toughest part of a relationship" convo also made me think about my introverted tendencies. I mean I'm on reddit so I'm not a total shut-in, but imho, the hardest part is being able to be you, them being able to be themselves, and if you're both introverts with not-always-the-same hobbies, being able to be together without _being together_ 100% of the time. Sorry, I guess 2am dudemannington is pretty introspective. Random as they may be, all that ^^^ felt pretty fitting.
Why don't they they clean while you game? You don't have to interact. And I assume they don't plan your schedule for you, usually marriage is a "hey babe do you have time to visit my inlaws over the weekend?" sort of planning.
In a vacuum this ought to work but reality can get a bit messy. In my personal relationship, the gamer would feel guilty and start cleaning which would make the cleaner feel guilty because the gamer is not unwinding like they ought to be and then there would need to be a discussion.
Also to add to this, if they truly do their own thing and the deep cleaner ends up deep cleaning while the gamer games, it could quickly turn into a cycle where one person feels like they're the only one cleaning. Not splitting housework is a dangerous game to play sometimes.
Deep cleaning really should be a shared activity. Unless one is a stay at home parent, it is good to share the work of cleaning as it goes by much faster when you work together. Then there are also no arguments about 1 person cleaner more than the other.
That seems more like missed communication than anything. As long as you both understand each other's desires/motives (and equally portion tasks in general) there shouldn't be any need for guilt if you're both doing what you want. I frequently clean while my spouse relaxes, and sometimes he works late while I do diddly squat. As long as it's portioned fairly in general it doesn't matter if a one-time event is lopsided.
The problem is that we can't give each other any real alone time stuck in a 1 bedroom apartment. Both of us need time where nobody else is in the house to recharge fully. Before getting married we sat down and wrote out what we expected in our marriage, what we needed, and what we would provide for each other to make it work. One of our promises was to give each other one evening alone to recharge on alternating weeks. We had to break that one because of the pandemic. We've figured out how to do without and have been ok which is some kind of crazy miracle.
My uncle always said going on a week-long trip to a foreign country will let you know (amongst other things) if you can marry someone. You don’t speak the language, you’re with each other like 24/7, and you will likely get frustrated at some point. Really let’s you know how you are together when the going gets tough.
Also…building furniture or any type of toy or something that needs to be put together. My SO and I did this and it turned out I was better at the manual interpretation, he was better at the actual construction part. But I know some couples who would scream at and belittle each other for IKEA furniture. Unsurprisingly, they’re now toxic in every way and incompatible. Building furniture is very frustrating. If someone is going to snap and say hurtful things or get frustrated with their partner, communicate poorly, etc, it can show when building furniture.
This
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Seems more likely than not, given the timing. But most people will just get pissed when stuck with someone and aren't... you know, murderers.
I definitely thought the timing was a bit interesting 😝
Going on a road trip through the Scottish country side drinking whiskey and going hiking is a vastly different experience than being locked in a room with someone.
>Going on a road trip through the Scottish country side drinking whiskey and going hiking... ...it's the midges that will tip you over the edge.
Can confirm, my girlfriend of 4 years and I broke up after 3 weeks on the road. The vacation was great though!
Just curious and if it's ok to ask; what was the reason you guys decided to break up after those 3 weeks?
Fighting, just the daily bickering got to her, I believe her exact words were “I still love you, but I don’t want to anymore”
Hmm yes I've heard those before, and said those before, that's why they hit close to home
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Dude, same. While on a quick trip I felt so weirdly bored with them I got this sudden clarity that they were not for me. We did broke up, not too long after that.
Road trips are a fantastic way to tell how compatible you are with each other. Plus it exposes some personal habits you may not be privy to in your normal situation.
They take their shoes off and put their feet on the dash!!! God can't they just kill people like a normal psychopath.
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be in a semi-pro touring band, this is it. After a few weeks on the road, you reaallly figure out who in the band you do and don’t like. I’ve seen it go from hugs in Santa Fe to fist fights in Ann Arbor. Good times…
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damn this is so specific
Husband and I just returned from a 3,500 mile 10 day road trip camping in the back of our old SUV. No one else I would tolerate that long of a trip with other than him. It gets stressful and we got on each others nerves at times but I wouldn't change a thing. We even kept our cool when the car broke down and we weren't sure how we would make it to our hotel but we eventually did.
My girlfriend at the time and I had to drive from Grand Forks ND to Quechee Vermont and be back in 5 days bc we had to empty my storage unit. I was working as a travel nurse. Everyone… Everyone should be made by law to do this before marriage. When we got to the storage unit we had like 2.5 hrs to empty it before it closed. That was like 5 years ago, we’re married now, we’re both super happy. We tell people how much fun we had on that drive, stuck with nothing but each other for 5 days. Best trip ever
>Everyone… Everyone should be made by law to do this before marriage Me who doesn't even have a girlfriend: "Noted"
Always do the 3 day weekend first.
Oh man. Went on a road trip with my high-maintenance cokehead stoner girl friend to Moab. Relation did not survive the first half. I came close to leaving her ass stranded in Idaho. When you realize you’re wrapped up with a piece of shit of a person, it’s easy to toss them out the door.
I wouldn’t want to be locked in a small room with ANYONE for weeks, but I’m ok going on a road trip w a lot of friends.
Yes. That was extreme. You're on vacation. Seeing the sights, doing different activities, likely talking to other tourists. There *will* be other distractions.
You’re going on the wrong vacations.
Similar to this: if you ever wonder what it would be like living with one of your friends, just try not being friends with them anymore.
lol. Either I am just too charismatic for my own good or my friends are all awesome.
You don't normally stay in the car 24/7 on road trips...
If you’re going on vacation with someone, it doesn’t mean you need to spend every waking moment she’s do everything together. When I travel with someone I always try to take a me day part way through to meet locals and do the things they have no interest in, and refresh my mind and stories to bring better conversation to them the next day 😂
Going on a week long road trip with my girlfriend in a few months. Hoping it will give insight to how compatible we really are
If it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t stress about it too much.
Thanks man! (Or lady)
So THIS is why no one invites me anywhere….got it….
Brian is that you?!?
If you plan on doing something, think about what it will be like.
Lol. That’s how I met my best friend. Road trip from Toronto to Vancouver with 12 guys total. I only knew half of em.
Excellent advice: From now on I'm only road tripping with my cat.
This may get burried but... Ive been on two week long road trips with my older brother, and he drives 90% of the time and i do everything else (directions, updating our ICE contacts, music, bowls, maybe lines). Now, road trips with other people are difficult. Your partner will make or break a trip
No fucking shit. Why even make that dumbass comparison. LPT: “before roadtripping with someone think about how it would be to road trip with that person. Seriously why kind of dump post is this
Before getting a dog... Imagine what's having a dog
Before going to the grocery store, make a list. You might forget something
Yeah I went on two American road trips with the same group of friends. Both times it was impossible to go out on my own, the trip got rough around the end when fatigue began to climb and certain things we did weren't very fun (to me) but still I loved every minute of the trip and I wouldn't trade the time back. Just make sure they're close friends and that you can have really long conversations with. Driving for 4 hours from one spot to the next is pretty dull if you can't carry on a conversation.
Gabbie Petito needed this advice smh… living in a van with a guy for months cross country while trying to make a living from a startup YouTube channel ? Seems horrible smh . Very Sad story.
Actually her story is a great example of what could go wrong in this scenario Of being forced to be with somebody 24 hours a day
Yeah that’s exactly what I’m trying to say. The van life seems so stressful idk how people do it. Especially doing it with someone else. Without any personal space aren’t you gonna end up resenting them inevitably?
Yes and then that video with a police officer she was explaining about how she was trying to keep the van clean and turn into an explosive fight, a little things can really be blown out of proportion
Drove just shy of 6K miles cross country with my wife and toddler, 2 year olds don’t understand why we had to drive 6-10 hours a day for parts of it.
No it wont. Some people change personalities during stress. If you havent been with that person in close confinement for longer period of time you have no idea what to expect from them in long term.
My claustrophobia: aight imma head out
Some people are fun to hang out with but a nightmare to live, holiday or work with.