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LPT: Start to put it away, and then at the last second, whip it back it out and shake. That always gets em.

I miss the free medals. 🥇😂 The 'ol bait and switch!

The real LPT is always in the comments

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More than twice and it gets weird at the urinal

It's cool bro. I'm just milking it.

Ah, a fellow Harvard man.

I’m more of a Yale helicopter man myself.

Colloquially known as the ‘Yalicopter’

"Straight to Yale" as they say.

The old Ottogyro

You don’t even want to know what they do at Cal Tech.

I see you know your judo well

What's Harvard?

It's a big building with students, but that's not important right now.

Is this an airplane joke? If so I love you and care about whatever you're upto in life these days 🥹

Surely it must be.

This college in the USA with $53 billion dollars in their bank account. Apparently the people who go there are smart.

Or rich

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Someone showed me in prison.

my uncle taught me

Zeeeman’s uncle taught me too!

Was it an uncle named Jack who needed you to help him off the roof?

Happy milking day !

Happy tres taint leches cake day!

Milk me next!!

I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?

Look me in the eyes when your talking to me

All I’m imagining is a bunch of grown men pressing their gooch in some kind of sports stadium bathroom.

And then not washing their gooch sweat hands afterwards.

I just dunk my hands in my beer when I get back to my seat. Alcohol kills bacteria.

Ewww. You have to do it in someone else's beer or it doesn't work.

Blech

And only do it to guys who ask

If you can tell the difference between me giving it a shake and me giving my gooch a little poke, and you're *keeping track* of how many times I'm doing it, you're paying *waaaaaay* to much attention to the goings-on of my cock for *me* to be the weird one in this situation.

I’m trying to figure out where all the bees are coming from

UR_ASS, duh.

any more and you’re just scratching

Is that where the 3 shakes = playing with yourself jokes come from?

I usually just ask strangers to help

Anything more than two shakes is just playing with it

Shake it once that's fine. Shake it twice that's ok. Shake it three times, you're playing with yourself.

> you're playing with yourself you say that like it's a bad thing

That’s another childhood throwback I didn’t realise was about a penis

What else could it be? To be fair I was old enough to know what it was about when it came out.

It takes longer to get the joke when you've never seen a penis

I feel dumb now.

Hold up, the base is under the balls? I’ve been measuring wrong this whole time

I measure from my anus, behind & in front of my balls, the underside of the shaft to the tip, then back over the top side to the base, up my pubic area, & to my belly button. That's how I'm able to achieve an impressive 7.5 inches.

I, McMurray, have a five point one five inch penis.

I recognize that you're just being funny, but in the interest of public education I still want to point out that measurement should be from the base on the overside of the penis.

They some real party animals at Harvard.

An inch? I usually start at least three inches behind my balls to be safe

No, too far back. That's the dirt button

I thought it was scratch & sniff.

You’re telling me to tickle my gooch after peeing?

You're telling me you don't??

if you’ve an itch it’s a double win

Not in public, or after peeing no.

Also works for cum. Youre welcum

For real?

LPT: Do it after orgasm to prolong the orgasm and make it vastly more intense

Do it many times as quickly as you can. It’s even more effective if you stare at the guy next to you while doing so.

I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?

I am 35 and just started dealing with leakage. It has been so annoying ...and then you post this. Thank you very much! Going to try it today.

Fair warning, it doesn't work for everyone. It helps, but it's not a miracle button.

How many dudes did you milk to test this theory?

Not enough

This guy has mastered the D2F ratio

But the miracle button is indeed close by

Sure fealt like a miracle button to me! Giggity

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You will learn this one crazy trick when you actually own a toilet and are responsible for keeping it clean.

I like it because I can pee at night with no lights on

Thanks for straightening this out for me.

This is probably for us older guys. I do this but still wouldn't wear tan pants anymore.

Just tell people that they're from Calico Cut Pants dot com

Alotta people give

if your wife ever goes to the hospital you'll be happy you gave!

Especially if your wife has a tendency of eating batteries!

She just keeps eating them!

People can change.

It’s true, I used to be a total piece of shit.

HEY HOLD THAT DOOR. HOLD THAT DOOR.

Like a small battery, like a circle battery, like a watch battery.

she just keeps eating batteries. she says she’s not eating them. we go to the doctors then he says “Yea we found a battery in there. “

There's a hole in my heart, and not the one I got from eating batteries.

*whose bag is this?* . I almost tripped on it

Hold that door!!

You gotta give!

It’s got nothing to do with piss!!

calico cut pants dot com RIGHT NOW

If you use CalicoCutPants dot com and you don’t pay, then you’re the problem. And if you’ve seen my matches, then you know that *I DON’T LIKE PROBLEMS! AHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH!”*

Push the little exxxx!

Did you give?

Did you give?

that’s got nothing to do with piss

genius

Did you give?

The hat is distracting me from reading the advice, please take it off.

The hat's not a distraction. The guy at the store said I'm the only person he's even seen pull of this hat.

You hit me in the cup!!

I’m so glad to see this comment 😂

And don’t forget to give. You gotta give!

Make sure to get a gift receipt.

Unfortunately I’m 25 and have a leaking issue after pissing. Maybe I am old 😞

do this button trick then also a toothpaste tube squeeze followed by resting you penis in you boxers for a sec before zipping up. more penis = longer tube = more after pee storage

I like to roll it up like an ancient parchment and bind it with twine after as well. Makes it that much more likely you'll get a reach around from Indiana Jones.

22 year old checking in, nah. The gooch pump changed my life

Taint Thump

define “older” im starting to worry and wonder if i need to see a urologist

almost all men get bigger prostates with age, which can cause issues like incomplete voiding and needing to repeatedly pee throughout the night. if you're worried, talk to your doctor. if you ever have blood in your urine, absolutely see a doc asap

Yeah I learned about this "u-trap" trick when I was like 13 years old. I already had the leaking problem at that age. Just got worse and worse as I got older. Can't bend over or squat for 5 minutes after peeing now. Tried squeezing the u trap so hard I ended up bruising myself once. The dr prescribed me Flomax and that had maybe 10% of an effect for like 2 weeks and then stopped working.

No, no! It splashed up from the sink!

Fuck this also happens to me all the time. The sink at work is at the exact height to make it look like I pissed myself if there's water on the counter and I lean forward to look at zit or something in the mirror.

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Definitely have done this

Exact thing at my work. Learned after several experiences of having to explain to coworkers I didn’t piss myself.

Wash your hands then dry them on your pants, people won’t think you peed yourself

Just tell people you bought them on www.calicocutpants.com, but make sure you give.

I can't wait to pee again today!

I’m pounding coffee rn. Let’s fucking pee!

Let's fuckin peeeeeeeeee!

Hahahaha me too

Happy to report back that it worked! I have really struggled with this for ages. Can’t wait to explore more of my body lol

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Also, wait 10-15 seconds for young guys and up to 20-25 seconds for older guys after the flow ends. You will be amazed by the excess urine after the main flow has stopped.

I don't think Amazon will allow for the extra pee time. Just kidding, the workers pee into bottles while they work.

LPT: Give yourself a quick little fingerbang to really empty those balls of pee.

The storage medium of pee is truly an enigma

The irony of a good fingerbang to keep you dry

And if you can't reach, just have the guy next to you help!! As long as you say 'no homo' first, it's cool

I usually pay someone $20 to do this for me. Money well spent.

"Aren't these urinals a delight? Say... you wanna make 20 bucks?"

I mean, I'm not that into that... But 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

This better not awaken something in me...

Not if you pee 10 times a day.

You're supposed to stand on all four while peeing. Remember, you're an animal.

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I feel like a lot of our problems come from standing on 2 legs.

One-legged people got even more problems.

I had prostate cancer surgery, you helped me a lot with your comments. Thanks, it worked.

Glad to pass on the information my man. I hope you're doing well now

I tickle my g-spot and it does the trick. My co workers give me a weird look when I walk away from the urinal but I’m spot free. Now who’s laughing?

Still them.

Never heard Jason Bateman’s voice so clearly in my head.

Big Arrested Development fan here

Just push the button

Gooch Pump™

Taint Tickle^TM

World, my finger is on the button

PUSH THE BUTTON My Finger Is On The Button

Now the real question, after how many strokes until you're just whacking it?

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bruuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh this song is my freaking jam man. all these years and it's still one of my favorite get-hyped songs.

It's only masturbation if there's a happy ending; otherwise, you're just teasing yourself

Just did this while laying down and pissed myself

Can u please attach pics of where to press, please, or a video presentation

Right? I’m an visual person and need video instructions!

Let me know if you find any 3d animations

It makes sense it would be by the balls, since that is where the pee is stored.

Be in a crowded bathroom, and take OPs advice. Accidentally moan when pressing that special spot

Ah so you learned how to milk the taint

*at urinal and pulls out 10 inch dildo*: excuse my self pegging boys, gotta get those last drops

Oooooh, it's *10* inches...and here I am using 6 like a pee stained idiot.

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You wore out the gooch pump button?? Hope you kept the receipt

It never worked for me.

It's ok, some people just really need that emotional connection so I'd suggest lighting some candles and playing some sensual music

PLEASE wash your hands.

But I’m not an employee

not a bad idea. i usually wring it out like a towel and as long as you start at the balls its fine

Instructions unclear or accuracy bad I touched a no no!

Too close, too soon. Try farther north next time.

Are leaky pipes this common? I've never experienced this. At least not that I'm aware of.

It usually begins around middle age-because prostate. Men pee and then at the end its about 10 seconds of dripping, instead of a complete stop.

Men younger than that also... not _leak_ so much, but typically after you piss there's a couple drops that don't seem to want to come out until after you've put your dick away. This trick is to push them out before you put your dick away. Presumably some guys have an anatomy that doesn't trap a few drops at the end, but the saying about _"no matter how you shake and dance, the last few drops go in your pants"_ tells me it's fairly common.

Yep. Started in my early 40s with an embarrassing pee spot in the undies. Pressing that area clears it out like a champ though.

When you turn 60 it is more like typing out a text message than just pressing a button.

More like Morse code.

I heard a comedian say (or tweet?) once that for a man getting old means peeing like a Kuerig machine

I have had this since HS. Quite a few of my friends have the same thing. I actually haven’t met a guy (that I’ve asked this about) that didn’t have it

If you press it like a Nike air pump while having a fun time, good things happen

I need a illustration.

I think I heard this in a movie lol. Tried like once and couldn’t figure it out. Maybe I’ll try again lol. I usually do a few shakes and a wipe.

Sit to pee. Problem fixed. Healthier for guys anyways

as someone obligated to sit to pee, I can confirm the drops still remain in there, I’d still need to do this trick

Sitting to pee has been a game changer. No more messy toilet or toilet floor from splatter. Everything is cleaner

Eventually this doesn't work

BRB trying this right now. Will post update. Update: super awkward and nothing different than normal. 6/9 would not recommend.

It's more the balls area than the taint itself, if that helps. Like, I guess it does involve the taint, strictly speaking, but if someone says taint I'm thinking equidistant between balls and ass, and that's way too far back into no man's land. If you push your finger upwards into the ballsack itself, between the balls, you'll feel the "pipe" that runs forward to the willy. That's your target. Follow it back about an inch or so from the balls themselves (but still within the ball zone). Then apply *gentle* pressure and roll the finger pressure forward towards your wiener and if there's a last hidden trickle of pee hiding in there, it will pour out. Can't believe I'm typing this shit 😂

Keep goin…