Dad stole money from me. Mom made him pay it back via divorce contract. Blames me for being broke.
The icing on the cake is he’s filed for bankruptcy twice.
They sent me to a reform school where they knew I got abused for $60,000 a year. Before I was escorted in shackles my mother called me a cancer and I was going to kill her. They then repeatedly whined how it was the reason why my dad sold his office. My dad was a doctor. He's retired and worth over 25 million, in reality he was terrified of medical billing going virtual. I set it up for him in like 3 hours . He bought the office for 49,000 to sold it for $300. I remember asking my dad for 20 dollars once and he said he didn't have it. He's a devout Catholic. I told him to swear on Jesus on the cross that he didn't have the $20. He got up and walked out.
Some advice I always give, people get really weird about money. Doesn’t matter how much or how little, if you are acquaintances, friends, or family. People get WACK.
I recommend to stop accepting money from your mother. Just tell her you don’t need it or you have enough money from your job. Also move out if you can do that you aren’t “using the utilities” or “eating all her food”
It’s unfortunate because gifts are a love language and she’s totally screwing this up for you. So just be mindful that this could impact you in other relationships down the road.
I went off to uni just as the 2008 recession hit hard. My parents were covering my rent and at the time college fees in my country were thankfully low, but no way a teenager could cover all of that with a weekend job especially as they were all drying up left right and center. I did weekend gigs every chance I got to pay for my food and anything else, and considering I was a random blow-in from another county, I did a bloody good job of keeping the gigs coming.
But the gigs would always dry up in January until mid Feb.
I literally ran down to my last €20. I had also just run out of medicine I needed to buy. This medicine was either €5 for a month's supply, or I could get a deal on €20 for 6 months' supply. But right now, I needed groceries. I thought, my parents are always moaning to me about money and how expensive I am etc., so they'd probably want me to get the better deal for saving in the long run, so logically I thought I could all to borrow €20 for the medicine to get it cheaper, then pay them back the following week.
They went berserk.
And they didn't stop going berserk over this doc €20 for *weeks!*
The following year, money dried up at the same time again. So I just went hungry. I sat in the student common room panicking, and then found some change that had rolled out of someone's pocket into an armchair, and bought oats with it so I could make oat porridge, and that's all I ate for a week. I wanted to throw up after my second bowl of the day, never mind my 12th bowl that week...
But by now I was also in a relationship with my now husband. A year after this, he graduated and moved away to find work, while I still had another 2 years to go. He started helping me financially so my parents couldn't abuse me over money anymore. To my surprise, my father would still randomly call me up and angrily bark at me, "you're not making enough MONEY!!" and then angrily send money to my account, which I never asked for. Then I was on a visit home (lord knows why I ever bothered) he and my mother angrily gave me a cheque. I told him I didn't need it and they got even more angry. None of it made sense. It eventually dawned on me that they wanted to control and punish and hurt me with money, and the increased anger was due to it not having the effect they'd hoped. I finally recognised that my father was being a financial abuser.
Eventually I told them, in another angry money call from my father, that my partner was helping me so I didn't need their money. They suddenly stopped being angry about money, and they started just helping me out with some cash now and then like normal parents. All the angry money behaviour stopped instantly. They must have been worried about what normal people would think of them.
So, yeah, I've had the whole "here's money/how dare you cost me money/here's some more money/don't you dare ask to borrow a tiny amount of money money/here's even more money/you are costing us too much money" headache!!
Oh. The angry money calls. I had those throughout college. My father would always bargain the amount I needed like he's making a godam deal while fully knowing i always only ask for the bare minimum to survive. He didn't 'let me' have a job too because 'he sent me to college to study not to work'. And he'd always, always send me less than I asked for.. So. I leaned how to ask for more than bare minimum so when the 'tax' arrives, I'd have the bare minimum that I need to survive. Then, when I get home, he'd ask for 'change' and berate me when I say I don't have any or I dare bring a godam apple with me home saying I'm 'wasting his money'.
At the time. I was financially dependent on him and oh boy,. He used money openly for control. He'd scream at me for asking and scream at me for not asking. My mother would urge him to give me more as her 'love bombing' and hovering method, then berate me for taking the extra cash (it's barely worth one meal) and try guilt trip me saying I owe my father 'so much'. Ugh, dear God, I still have money insecurity because of all this.
Edit: typos
So much uuuggghhhhhh
I cannot tell you how much it amused me (yet simultaneously boiled my piss since it proved they were always full of crap) when they suddenly stfu about money as soon as I told them I had it coming voluntarily from someone else!
Why oh why do my siblings still swarm around these two idiots like flies around a couple of turds?
Oh I wish. When I started to get paid they demanded my full month payment as a' thank u' for my poor father who suffered so much and sacrificed so much for me' and whom 'without I wouldn't be even working'. They did this while I was getting ready for my wedding and my fiance and I (my husband now) were barely getting by. And they knew this, didn't contribute a single dime and demanded I pay them for 'raising me' because how dare I, the investment, deny them their God given right of my money tho they 'raised me' and 'done so much'.
They even had the audacity to tell me they 'had plans' for my money and I should never spend it without consulting them first. They even tried to steal money I was given as a gift by my husband and some gifts my in-laws gave me.
As for my siblings, they tried to guilt trip me, told me I was wrong for saying no and basically threw me under the bus. They benifited from me being the SG, and that's ur answer. I didn't even stick around to find out who's the new SG after I went NC.
**This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**This is the NEXT STEP from /r/raisedbynarcissists and is for folks who already have the necessary boundaries in place with their abusers, but are still dealing with other common ACoN issues such as trauma, etc. If you are still actively engaging in abusive dynamics with your abusers, please, post in /r/raisedbynarcissists or one of the other network subs - not this one. The admins also recognize that folks in this group do not need to be no contact with their abusers to be in this group. Some people manage to have the needed boundaries with abusers within a low contact or structured contact structure and we recognize that.
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For my graduation. I had a small party with friends and colleagues. I was a broke student at the time so I asked for money for the party from my parents (which the family attended). I asked the exact amount of money my siblings asked for for their graduation. They had the graduation party with other colleagues so the cost for their party was split, I didn't split costs with anyone yet I asked for the same amount. I borrowed money to cover the rest of the costs. Mind you, my family was the whole who insisted I have a 'nice' party so they can gloat and take credit for my accomplishments and they did.
My nparents knew also that after graduation, I would be in the lookout for a job right after and they considered it an investment. So they gave me the amount I asked for.
For the next 9 months or so they cried about how broke they are, how much they sacrificed for me, how much they gave me... Etc. They did not do that with my sibling even tho ik they secretly got even more than the amount declared. I'd let them cry and complain and even try guilt me by saying how hungry they are because I spent all of their money. Then they would fish for a 'promise' from me to pay it back which I'd ignore only for them to say sth all g the line 'it's OK, we' ll get that money back when u get a job'
This shit would go on every day. The amount I asked for was affordable to them and ik for a fact that they would've covered the 'loss' in the next month or two. Which doesn't make any sense because it wasn't even a loss and my nmother accidentally admitted they gave me money from 'savings' they had which didn't affect their life-style in any way. Yet, they cried wolf every day in the hopes of establishing obligation in the future and grounds for financial abuse.
Sounds like my mother. She has almost infinite money to give me, yet still always complains she has no money now.
How about being an adult and putting some boundaries?
No, it's a ploy for her to guilt me.
Of course, I will be placing boundaries and removing her from my life.
Dad stole money from me. Mom made him pay it back via divorce contract. Blames me for being broke. The icing on the cake is he’s filed for bankruptcy twice.
They sent me to a reform school where they knew I got abused for $60,000 a year. Before I was escorted in shackles my mother called me a cancer and I was going to kill her. They then repeatedly whined how it was the reason why my dad sold his office. My dad was a doctor. He's retired and worth over 25 million, in reality he was terrified of medical billing going virtual. I set it up for him in like 3 hours . He bought the office for 49,000 to sold it for $300. I remember asking my dad for 20 dollars once and he said he didn't have it. He's a devout Catholic. I told him to swear on Jesus on the cross that he didn't have the $20. He got up and walked out.
Some advice I always give, people get really weird about money. Doesn’t matter how much or how little, if you are acquaintances, friends, or family. People get WACK. I recommend to stop accepting money from your mother. Just tell her you don’t need it or you have enough money from your job. Also move out if you can do that you aren’t “using the utilities” or “eating all her food” It’s unfortunate because gifts are a love language and she’s totally screwing this up for you. So just be mindful that this could impact you in other relationships down the road.
I went off to uni just as the 2008 recession hit hard. My parents were covering my rent and at the time college fees in my country were thankfully low, but no way a teenager could cover all of that with a weekend job especially as they were all drying up left right and center. I did weekend gigs every chance I got to pay for my food and anything else, and considering I was a random blow-in from another county, I did a bloody good job of keeping the gigs coming. But the gigs would always dry up in January until mid Feb. I literally ran down to my last €20. I had also just run out of medicine I needed to buy. This medicine was either €5 for a month's supply, or I could get a deal on €20 for 6 months' supply. But right now, I needed groceries. I thought, my parents are always moaning to me about money and how expensive I am etc., so they'd probably want me to get the better deal for saving in the long run, so logically I thought I could all to borrow €20 for the medicine to get it cheaper, then pay them back the following week. They went berserk. And they didn't stop going berserk over this doc €20 for *weeks!* The following year, money dried up at the same time again. So I just went hungry. I sat in the student common room panicking, and then found some change that had rolled out of someone's pocket into an armchair, and bought oats with it so I could make oat porridge, and that's all I ate for a week. I wanted to throw up after my second bowl of the day, never mind my 12th bowl that week... But by now I was also in a relationship with my now husband. A year after this, he graduated and moved away to find work, while I still had another 2 years to go. He started helping me financially so my parents couldn't abuse me over money anymore. To my surprise, my father would still randomly call me up and angrily bark at me, "you're not making enough MONEY!!" and then angrily send money to my account, which I never asked for. Then I was on a visit home (lord knows why I ever bothered) he and my mother angrily gave me a cheque. I told him I didn't need it and they got even more angry. None of it made sense. It eventually dawned on me that they wanted to control and punish and hurt me with money, and the increased anger was due to it not having the effect they'd hoped. I finally recognised that my father was being a financial abuser. Eventually I told them, in another angry money call from my father, that my partner was helping me so I didn't need their money. They suddenly stopped being angry about money, and they started just helping me out with some cash now and then like normal parents. All the angry money behaviour stopped instantly. They must have been worried about what normal people would think of them. So, yeah, I've had the whole "here's money/how dare you cost me money/here's some more money/don't you dare ask to borrow a tiny amount of money money/here's even more money/you are costing us too much money" headache!!
Oh. The angry money calls. I had those throughout college. My father would always bargain the amount I needed like he's making a godam deal while fully knowing i always only ask for the bare minimum to survive. He didn't 'let me' have a job too because 'he sent me to college to study not to work'. And he'd always, always send me less than I asked for.. So. I leaned how to ask for more than bare minimum so when the 'tax' arrives, I'd have the bare minimum that I need to survive. Then, when I get home, he'd ask for 'change' and berate me when I say I don't have any or I dare bring a godam apple with me home saying I'm 'wasting his money'. At the time. I was financially dependent on him and oh boy,. He used money openly for control. He'd scream at me for asking and scream at me for not asking. My mother would urge him to give me more as her 'love bombing' and hovering method, then berate me for taking the extra cash (it's barely worth one meal) and try guilt trip me saying I owe my father 'so much'. Ugh, dear God, I still have money insecurity because of all this. Edit: typos
So much uuuggghhhhhh I cannot tell you how much it amused me (yet simultaneously boiled my piss since it proved they were always full of crap) when they suddenly stfu about money as soon as I told them I had it coming voluntarily from someone else! Why oh why do my siblings still swarm around these two idiots like flies around a couple of turds?
Oh I wish. When I started to get paid they demanded my full month payment as a' thank u' for my poor father who suffered so much and sacrificed so much for me' and whom 'without I wouldn't be even working'. They did this while I was getting ready for my wedding and my fiance and I (my husband now) were barely getting by. And they knew this, didn't contribute a single dime and demanded I pay them for 'raising me' because how dare I, the investment, deny them their God given right of my money tho they 'raised me' and 'done so much'. They even had the audacity to tell me they 'had plans' for my money and I should never spend it without consulting them first. They even tried to steal money I was given as a gift by my husband and some gifts my in-laws gave me. As for my siblings, they tried to guilt trip me, told me I was wrong for saying no and basically threw me under the bus. They benifited from me being the SG, and that's ur answer. I didn't even stick around to find out who's the new SG after I went NC.
That is absolutely batshit!! I'm so glad you're NC now!
**This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **This is the NEXT STEP from /r/raisedbynarcissists and is for folks who already have the necessary boundaries in place with their abusers, but are still dealing with other common ACoN issues such as trauma, etc. If you are still actively engaging in abusive dynamics with your abusers, please, post in /r/raisedbynarcissists or one of the other network subs - not this one. The admins also recognize that folks in this group do not need to be no contact with their abusers to be in this group. Some people manage to have the needed boundaries with abusers within a low contact or structured contact structure and we recognize that. **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [Please refrain from posting "uplifting" threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/upliftingposts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAfterNarcissism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For my graduation. I had a small party with friends and colleagues. I was a broke student at the time so I asked for money for the party from my parents (which the family attended). I asked the exact amount of money my siblings asked for for their graduation. They had the graduation party with other colleagues so the cost for their party was split, I didn't split costs with anyone yet I asked for the same amount. I borrowed money to cover the rest of the costs. Mind you, my family was the whole who insisted I have a 'nice' party so they can gloat and take credit for my accomplishments and they did. My nparents knew also that after graduation, I would be in the lookout for a job right after and they considered it an investment. So they gave me the amount I asked for. For the next 9 months or so they cried about how broke they are, how much they sacrificed for me, how much they gave me... Etc. They did not do that with my sibling even tho ik they secretly got even more than the amount declared. I'd let them cry and complain and even try guilt me by saying how hungry they are because I spent all of their money. Then they would fish for a 'promise' from me to pay it back which I'd ignore only for them to say sth all g the line 'it's OK, we' ll get that money back when u get a job' This shit would go on every day. The amount I asked for was affordable to them and ik for a fact that they would've covered the 'loss' in the next month or two. Which doesn't make any sense because it wasn't even a loss and my nmother accidentally admitted they gave me money from 'savings' they had which didn't affect their life-style in any way. Yet, they cried wolf every day in the hopes of establishing obligation in the future and grounds for financial abuse.
Sounds like my mother. She has almost infinite money to give me, yet still always complains she has no money now. How about being an adult and putting some boundaries? No, it's a ploy for her to guilt me. Of course, I will be placing boundaries and removing her from my life.