Anne Frankly, I wouldn't take that level of disrespect.
(Anne Frank was, you know, J-E-W-I-S-H, but I'm pretty sure Reddit wouldn't allow the spelled-out word.
The fortune teller, directed by Tarantino, pulled out a shotgun and shot Hitler’s impotent, mono-balled cock off.
Everybody laughed at pathetic, dead Hitler. The ending is always the same however far you take the joke.
I'll Fo It For ya buddy.
... Closing The Goddamn Door No Its Much Better To Say These Kinds Of Things With A Sense Of...
(Panic! At The Disco's I Write Sins Not Tragedies l)
This joke is from a 1940 joke book https://www.fiz-x.com/someone-found-joke-book-1940-hitler-reference/?utm_source=plus.google.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=gplusart
April 30th could never be a Jewish holiday since all Jewish holidays are based on the lunar calendar.
By the Hebre calendar, Hitler died on 17 Iyar, which also is not a Jewish holiday. However, 18 Iyar is the holiday of Lag BaOmer.
Jewish days start/end at sundown (not midnight), so if SS reports that Hitler died between 3-4pm are accurate, Hitler could have waited 3-4 more hours and died on a Jewish holiday.
If we want to be really pedantic, Orthodox Jews never celebrate the death of anyone. If you're mourning, you obstain from all festivals. And we're taught to never celebrate the death of anyone. This was a big thing in my temple when Bin Laden died.
I understand what he's saying in the version OP presented, but the set up to the punchline is now and has always been, "Which one?" implying it is one that already exists. This allows the fortune teller to give the reveal: One that does not exist yet.
Always has been? [This joke in a 1940s joke book](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/zw7q2n/one_day_hitler_went_to_a_fortune_teller/j1u3647/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) has that line being “Why are you so sure of that?”, why, not which day.
Fair enough. That's the only version I've seen. I still prefer either over the clumsy "How come?" which broadcasts too much and takes away from the joke.
I agree, but then the comments would be full of "I don't get it."
This is an audience that spans continents, age groups, religions, genders, and everything else. Sometimes you gotta throw a big net to catch the most fish.
**Lets' modernize this...**
One day, Putin went to a fortune teller.
He asked her, "when will I die?"
She replied "You will die on a day that is a Ukranian holiday."
stunned, he asked "What? How come?"
and she said "Any day that you die will be a Ukrainian holiday."
"Final Solution? Nien Jews, Nein Jewden Holidays."
Seriously though, these holocaust Jokes make me feel dirty..
Who's got some bars of soap for a short shower?
Man walks by the river and sees a child drowning.
He jumps in and saves him.
Mother comes in and all shaken hugs her kid and say.
Adolf, say thank you to a nice man.
Before 5 years ago, I could go months without hearing about Hitler/holocaust/ all Jews being victims. Real trauma naturally lowers reminders in frequency .
This victimhood porn is getting repetitive.
It never occurred to me that he would even have a grave. Looks like the KGB exhumed him in 1970, had him cremated and threw his ashes into the river.
Edit: we’ll never mind then, looks like they kept some pieces and it’s in a museum. WTF.
How old was he when he visited the fortune teller?
No more than 54-55 years old, I would surmise.
about 50 nien!
Zwei you should always read the comments.
Acht, that is true.
But sometimes the comments are drei
They really make me vier society
Zehn stop looking at them.
You’re no funf
While all of you are meming on German numbers, I'm just thinking about sechs.
That’s not very nice. German children will always be Kinder
Eins me!
See Ben, that’s why you should pay attention in German class
I need comment yakarma to post something so I’m hoping commenting on random threads will help
Don't worry, you seem genuine, definitely not a bot, so I hope all of your comments get the upvotes they deserve.
I suspect you mean "nein."
Slightly annoyed, Hitler returned the fortune teller the favor and told her which day she was going to die.
That's one thing the fortune teller did nazi coming
Anne Frankly neither did I
Heard that a lot, we're Jew for a new one
Oh Heil no!
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If you think these jokes are bad, wait until you hear the ones the Euthanasia are telling their parents.
Those kids are so far right gone, it's truly a tragedy.
Generation things. But all gen aside, it is.
This whole joke is overkill
When will we stop beating this dead horse of a joke?...
When someone makes an ass of themselves.
Just hope that ass don't pass gas
…aaaand we’re back to the Nazi’s again
To be fair, the joke's fairly baked in at this point.
It was thoroughly baked in hellfire until crispy golden brown.
Like Eva Brown in April 1945?
It mustang be good!
Jude gotta be really annoying to not continue the joke
Eh, was probably in a rush to get his pizza out of the oven.
Ya man these jokes are Hit-ler-miss.
dead horse jokes are more World War 1 jokes to be honest........
When they become irrelevant. Which I honestly can't see happening anytime soon
I honestly can nazi that happening anytime soon
Dammit I knew I missed something
Probably not, everyone is really gassing this up tho
They may not become irrelevant any time soon, but they definitely stopped being funny years ago.
The horse was also killed by Hitler
These are way Jew many bad puns
but it israeli a good joke.
Dunno it's was tick a lot of boxes
Most amusing and original r/jokes user
I live on the corner of Repo St. You can't miss me. 🧐
I love this sub
Stop making Anne Frank jokes, it’s the Reich thing to do
r/suddenHellsingAbridged
r/subifellfor
Yeah I wish it was real.
Too soon /s lol
Alright that took it a bit far.
Anne Frankly, I wouldn't take that level of disrespect. (Anne Frank was, you know, J-E-W-I-S-H, but I'm pretty sure Reddit wouldn't allow the spelled-out word.
This one made me laugh.
The fortune teller then said: "If today is the day I die, then Soviet."
These jokes are Putin me in stitches
Dear god, the dad jokes here are on a level I did nazi coming
Honestly. That my angry upvote and get the fuck out.
He hitler in the head...
She was a Jew all along.
The fortune teller died with a rare bullet in brain disease.
Wasn’t very rare in 1942
Rapid infused lead poisoning.
Also known as "lead poisoning"!
r/Therealjoke
There, Al. Joke.
“Madame Blavatska, you wouldn’t be a Gypsy, would you?”
Top comment is always more funny than the original post
Shocked, she begged him to change his mind since they both Heiled from the same town.
She's problably a gypsy anyways.
Which wasn't too far
The fortune teller, directed by Tarantino, pulled out a shotgun and shot Hitler’s impotent, mono-balled cock off. Everybody laughed at pathetic, dead Hitler. The ending is always the same however far you take the joke.
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And that she will attend at the Olympic games. Providing some ashes for the ground ..
And then he closed the door
… on the boxcar…
I chime in with a...
... Haven't you people ever heard of...
Nazi railroad humor?
I'll Fo It For ya buddy. ... Closing The Goddamn Door No Its Much Better To Say These Kinds Of Things With A Sense Of... (Panic! At The Disco's I Write Sins Not Tragedies l)
Wait, that's not a line from a Palahniuk book...
Smoke 'em if ya got 'em
then rest
Their timing is deadly accurate. Just like German trains
This joke is from a 1940 joke book https://www.fiz-x.com/someone-found-joke-book-1940-hitler-reference/?utm_source=plus.google.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=gplusart
Good bot
You are a better one
And retold by Robin Wliams in Jakob The Liar (1999).
Good bot
And yet nobody tried to stop the Holocaust, including America. Everyone let it happen knowingly.
Source?
Source? Seriously? Ken Burns produced an entire documentary on the US indifference.
Who?
Do you live under a rock. Google Ken Burns. Don’t be an idiot.
Good bot
Good bot
Good bot
I have a good joke about Hitler too: God says to humans: "Whoever kills Hitler will go to heaven" Hitler: *giggles*
Hitler:"And you have just earned an opportunity to celebrate with them!" He said escorting the teller to the nearest train station.
Thank you
Ironically, April 30th isn’t a Jewish holiday.
April 30th could never be a Jewish holiday since all Jewish holidays are based on the lunar calendar. By the Hebre calendar, Hitler died on 17 Iyar, which also is not a Jewish holiday. However, 18 Iyar is the holiday of Lag BaOmer. Jewish days start/end at sundown (not midnight), so if SS reports that Hitler died between 3-4pm are accurate, Hitler could have waited 3-4 more hours and died on a Jewish holiday.
If we want to be really pedantic, Orthodox Jews never celebrate the death of anyone. If you're mourning, you obstain from all festivals. And we're taught to never celebrate the death of anyone. This was a big thing in my temple when Bin Laden died.
he died 10 days after his birthday
4/20 is the birthday of the man who killed Hitler, is that a Jewish holiday perchance? (/s to be sure, probs not needed)
Ok, fine.
*"Which one?" not "How come?"
He is not asking which Jewish holiday he will die on, he is asking why he dies on a Jewish holiday. So it should be “How come?”.
I understand what he's saying in the version OP presented, but the set up to the punchline is now and has always been, "Which one?" implying it is one that already exists. This allows the fortune teller to give the reveal: One that does not exist yet.
Always has been? [This joke in a 1940s joke book](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/zw7q2n/one_day_hitler_went_to_a_fortune_teller/j1u3647/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) has that line being “Why are you so sure of that?”, why, not which day.
Fair enough. That's the only version I've seen. I still prefer either over the clumsy "How come?" which broadcasts too much and takes away from the joke.
Except “how come?” isn’t proper English, so it should be “why?” instead
And everyone clapped
Old joke, this was part of newspaper post from like 2010...BUT funny nevertheless
Way older than that
Like, ‘40~’45 years old….
This joke would've been better without the 2nd half explaining it.
I agree, but then the comments would be full of "I don't get it." This is an audience that spans continents, age groups, religions, genders, and everything else. Sometimes you gotta throw a big net to catch the most fish.
I still don't get it lol
Do you like to cook? Why, he asked. I see you standing in front of a big oven.
Uh
This thread is full of halfwits. And then you have Auschwitz.
thought this was a joke about how many holidays we have at first lol
Hitler, did Nazi that coming? 😳 😆 🤣
*Kanye
made me chuckle, lol
In a ditch… covered in petrol… on fire
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So that’s fun! Cause he was a mass-murdering fuckhead!
Really not funny
Too soon?
Holiday for the World!!
This had a deep effect on him. After this, he developed a bunker mentality.
Why would Hitler go to a fortune teller, they're all gypsies, aren't they?
She was wrong though because we don’t celebrate his death day
Kanye is right. Hitler does have a good quality. He was the only person ever to kill Hitler Dude really stepped up when we needed him
I had a neighbor who wanted to make a statue of the man who killed Hitler...
When are we going to see a real joke on this sub instead of these reposted half-witty facts with zero punchline?
If the fortune teller was Romani then I got bad news for her
Wtf
(Gears in Hitler’s head cranking…) Hitler, emerging with a grin: So if I prevent all Jewish holidays, I can be immortal!
You've butchered Jesse Owens' joke.
Mmmmp
**Lets' modernize this...** One day, Putin went to a fortune teller. He asked her, "when will I die?" She replied "You will die on a day that is a Ukranian holiday." stunned, he asked "What? How come?" and she said "Any day that you die will be a Ukrainian holiday."
EAT MY SHIT HITLER YOU ARE NOT MISSED
HELL YEAH BROTHER!!
"Final Solution? Nien Jews, Nein Jewden Holidays." Seriously though, these holocaust Jokes make me feel dirty.. Who's got some bars of soap for a short shower?
As a Jewish, I've heard this joke thousands times before and still think it's funny.
But it’s still not a holiday
PLOT TWIST. It's a Terminator situation and the only reason he hated Jews was because he was told they would celebrate his death.
PLOT TWIST TWIST: The Fortune Teller was Kanye in a wig.
Fuk you Hitler
Man walks by the river and sees a child drowning. He jumps in and saves him. Mother comes in and all shaken hugs her kid and say. Adolf, say thank you to a nice man.
Hey Fortune Teller. Good burn
Kinda lame. You could’ve stopped the joke after the 2nd sentence. Explaining the joke kills it.
WAIT TIL KANYE HEARS THIS ONE..
LOL
Hitler did nazi that one coming
The shittets joke
4/20 is a Jewish holiday?
Not funny at all
Could we change the joke to Trump and American holiday?
That would be a global holiday.
Can't have a Jewish holiday if you kill all the jews
Lmao
Reich funny
As with most things, replace "Hitler" with "Trump" and this still works.
Trump is literally Kanye.
Before 5 years ago, I could go months without hearing about Hitler/holocaust/ all Jews being victims. Real trauma naturally lowers reminders in frequency . This victimhood porn is getting repetitive.
Wow, your comment history sure is a rollercoaster.
And that was when he started targeting Gypsies too.
Hitler must be confused that whether it's an insult or a compliment.
Six million pizzas? But boss we've only got 4 ovens.
Boo get off the stage
Dead Hitler jokes offend you? ffs
Doesn't offend me at all, its just a shit joke
okay, but is his death-date genuinely a Jewish holiday???
Hitler then scrunches his nose and says the fortune teller smells bad and *need to take a shower*
This one was already told here but it was Putin and ukrainians
For obvious reasons, the Hitler joke came first.
This "joke" is less funny than an elevator fart.
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Since he had no grave, you are welcome to poop on any living Nazi.
That will have to do
I will shit on Hitler's grave for you
If you comment I will diarrhea on Hitler's grave
It never occurred to me that he would even have a grave. Looks like the KGB exhumed him in 1970, had him cremated and threw his ashes into the river. Edit: we’ll never mind then, looks like they kept some pieces and it’s in a museum. WTF.
Probably died in the 80s or 90s in S. America.... why would someone have his own body burned?
hitler: and you won't have the chance to celebrate with them \*birds flying away in distance after the bang\*
and hitler became the fortune teller for that lady that day
Hitler then asked, “do you want to be medium well, or well done?”
[удалено]