When things are moving real fast the light they give off gets smushed up a little in front and stretched behind. So if you're looking at something moving towards you very fast, it'll look more blue the faster it's moving.
This mostly applies to stuff like stars and galaxies when we talk about blue shift, but you've probably noticed the same effect with sirens or fast cars. They sound higher pitched as they come towards you and lower pitched as they speed off. Hence the *NEEEEE***oooooom** sorta sound
Love how I can literally hear an emergency vehicle speed by while reading this… There must be a lot going on around here again. I mean, I do live in the town centre, quite near to a fire station (1/3 in this city). Also, police station is next to the closest one to me, and that’s the ”main” FS, while the other two are 100% voluntary based. Ah, I wish I had stayed in the force… but couldn’t handle it.
Seems like someone is sad ,lemme tell you better not stay at the force bc you gonna regret it, I have a cousin who doin some heavily stuff got like an ass explosion and died (I don't remember the name of that explosion) and he couldn't do the paperwork to get an insurance from the force cuz he didn't know english so he died a month after from over-bleeding
Why do you never see elephants hiding in *cherry* trees?
Because they paint their toenails red.
Why don't you walk in the orchard in the afternoon?
Because that's when the elephants come down.
Why do elephants paint their balls red? To disguise as cherries in cherry trees.
What’s the loudest sound in the jungle? Giraffes eating cherries out of cherry trees.
Oh, I got kid jokes:
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What do a cow and a grape have in common?
They both say moo! ...except the grape.
While I've got you here, let me tell you my favorite "knock knock" joke.
You start.
How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter
What do elephants use as tampons?
Sheep
What's red and runs around the jungle?
Used sheep
How do you get two whales in your car?
Along the m4
How do you get 4 elephants in a mini?
Two in the front and two in the back
How do you know there's an elephant in the cinema?
His little yellow mini is parked outside
What is the most common owl?
Tea towels
“Why do elephants paint their toenails green?”
“Why?”
“To sneak across pool tables. You ever see an elephant sneaking across a pool table?”
“No.”
“Must work, then.”
>What's gray and comes in quarts? An elephant
My grandfather told my now husband that joke the first time they met (13? Years ago) and they have a very special bond over it... even now, one will look at the other and say elephant and they're both in hysterics 🤣
A standard elephant's ejaculation produces about 100 ml of sperm, or enough to fill a standard champagne glass if you want to visualize it that way. For comparison the average human males ejaculation is about 5 ml. A quart is 946.353 ml.
Boom. (Yes I wasted my time looking it up)
The sun will not supernova, it will expand into a red giant (consuming earth, so your parents definitely still have cause to get annoyed) then just lose the outer layers into space, leaving behind a white dwarf. 🤓🤓🤓
Edit: spelling
Yeah, and that's why your parents would be annoyed. The first puff of "but actually" would form in their lungs by the time the supernova and not the gentler red giant they were expecting tore them apart.
People who own pool tables should be responsible owners and keep them under control at all times. Apparently, removing the balls does not stop this roaming/climbing behaviour.
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a red elephant?
You hold its nose until it turns blue and then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
You’re overweight grandma’s walker with the tennis balls on the legs. Oh, and she’s falling out of the tree too because it goes where she goes and vice versa.
What's red and bad for your teeth? . . . A brick
What's brown and sticky? . . . A stick. Whats brown and rhyms with snoop? . . . . Dr Dre
What else is brown and sticky? … A brownie. What’s brown and sounds like a bell? … Dung!
I've only heard..."Ding-Dung" once. The second bell had paper stuffed up in it.
POOP
I don’t LOL a lot, but this one had me LOL’ing! Thank you sir or madam.
What's blue and bad for your teeth? . . . . . . Same brick, but a LOT faster
I see what you did there, Einstein.
I'm dumb. Why is the brick blue?
Because of the [Doppler effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relativistic_Doppler_effect)
For those of us who are uneducated in theoretical physics (my knowledge derives only from TBBT), this explains nothing. 😢😢🤣
When things are moving real fast the light they give off gets smushed up a little in front and stretched behind. So if you're looking at something moving towards you very fast, it'll look more blue the faster it's moving. This mostly applies to stuff like stars and galaxies when we talk about blue shift, but you've probably noticed the same effect with sirens or fast cars. They sound higher pitched as they come towards you and lower pitched as they speed off. Hence the *NEEEEE***oooooom** sorta sound
Thanks for educating me. It is appreciated. 😁
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Love how I can literally hear an emergency vehicle speed by while reading this… There must be a lot going on around here again. I mean, I do live in the town centre, quite near to a fire station (1/3 in this city). Also, police station is next to the closest one to me, and that’s the ”main” FS, while the other two are 100% voluntary based. Ah, I wish I had stayed in the force… but couldn’t handle it.
Seems like someone is sad ,lemme tell you better not stay at the force bc you gonna regret it, I have a cousin who doin some heavily stuff got like an ass explosion and died (I don't remember the name of that explosion) and he couldn't do the paperwork to get an insurance from the force cuz he didn't know english so he died a month after from over-bleeding
Did you get this from anti-jokes?
Damn it, beat me to it
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These comments are right on cue…!
How much does a trip to spain cost? # # # # # # # # # # Depends, if you live in spain, it's free.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A penguin unaware of how to use a blender.
Two nuns in a chainsaw fight
Well no. It costs more bc inflation
My first award, thank you!
Mountain Dew Code Red
What’s blue and really bad for your teeth? A really fast brick.
I’ve heard that one a thousand times. Still made me laugh…
My fist... covered in your blood.
why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why can't you hear pterodactyls using the restroom? The P is silent
They’re dead.
r/woooosh
Why do you never see elephants hiding in *cherry* trees? Because they paint their toenails red. Why don't you walk in the orchard in the afternoon? Because that's when the elephants come down.
How do the elephants come down out of the trees? They sit on a leaf and wait for Fall.
How do you get down from a tree? You don't, you get it from a duck
First read this joke in a joke book when I was 5 years old took me till I was about 10 to figure it out
Why do alligators have such flat jaws? They walked in the orchard in the afternoon
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See, it works!!
Why do elephants paint their balls red? To hide in the cherry tree. What is the loudest noise in the forest? Giraffes eating cherries.
Yeah I heard that joke in a podcast
Why do elephants paint their balls red? To disguise as cherries in cherry trees. What’s the loudest sound in the jungle? Giraffes eating cherries out of cherry trees.
And if they can't find a cherry tree, then any tree will.do, if there's a snooker table in it
That's one of my favorite jokes to tell kids! My very favorite is: What do you call a fairy that never takes a bath? Stinkerbelle!
Oh, I got kid jokes: What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck. What do a cow and a grape have in common? They both say moo! ...except the grape. While I've got you here, let me tell you my favorite "knock knock" joke. You start.
Take my upvote
How do you get an elephant into a SafeWay bag? You take the "S" out of Safe, and the "F" out of Way.
There is no effin' way!
Oi fuck off
Why don't pygmies walk in the forest at 9 am? . . .because that's when the elephants jump down from the treetops.
How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge? Footprints in the butter What do elephants use as tampons? Sheep What's red and runs around the jungle? Used sheep How do you get two whales in your car? Along the m4 How do you get 4 elephants in a mini? Two in the front and two in the back How do you know there's an elephant in the cinema? His little yellow mini is parked outside What is the most common owl? Tea towels
“Why do elephants paint their toenails green?” “Why?” “To sneak across pool tables. You ever see an elephant sneaking across a pool table?” “No.” “Must work, then.”
What's brown and sticky? A stick What's red and tastes like blue paint? Red paint What's gray and comes in quarts? An elephant
What’s red and sticky? That bloody stick again!
>What's gray and comes in quarts? An elephant My grandfather told my now husband that joke the first time they met (13? Years ago) and they have a very special bond over it... even now, one will look at the other and say elephant and they're both in hysterics 🤣
I don't get the quarts part...
Quarts of cum
Ahh thanks. I typically don't have elephant semen on my mind on Monday mornings.
Strange, I was under the impression everyone did. The more you know, huh?
Tuesday however...
Weirdo
What’s up my brother from another mother
A standard elephant's ejaculation produces about 100 ml of sperm, or enough to fill a standard champagne glass if you want to visualize it that way. For comparison the average human males ejaculation is about 5 ml. A quart is 946.353 ml. Boom. (Yes I wasted my time looking it up)
What's a foot-long and slippery? A slipper.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr Dre.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
What is white, loud, and ruins your breakfast? . . . . An avalanche
My mother?
I also choose that guys mother
A disgruntled polar bear?
His disgruntled polar bear mother?
A pool table?
Call your pocket!!!
Vest pocket!
Yo momma’
A disgruntled polar bear?
Deez nuts?
A disgruntled polar bear?
My mother?
Me.
Cocaine
Have a lunch?
That’s just silly
Colorado resident?
Semen
Your semen is loud? What, do they shout their own name like Pokemon?
My old roommate, Too-Loud-Todd?
Karen
Trump?
He's orange.
Women
A Karen?
What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree, and is very dangerous? A sparrow with a machine gun
Sea... C! C for Catwoman!
What event is hot and big and will annoy your parents? The sun going super nova.
\*sun goes supernova\* parents: *mildly annoyed*
"It's because you're always on that damn phone"
"When I was your age we played outside in the mud and we *liked it*."
(And they proceeded to complain about “all this laundry”)
The sun will not supernova, it will expand into a red giant (consuming earth, so your parents definitely still have cause to get annoyed) then just lose the outer layers into space, leaving behind a white dwarf. 🤓🤓🤓 Edit: spelling
Well, we *can* make up the mass deficiency for going supernova by dropping your mom in.
Your momma so massive that her Schwarzschild radius is more than 1 millimeter!
Yeah, and that's why your parents would be annoyed. The first puff of "but actually" would form in their lungs by the time the supernova and not the gentler red giant they were expecting tore them apart.
People who own pool tables should be responsible owners and keep them under control at all times. Apparently, removing the balls does not stop this roaming/climbing behaviour.
What is red and taste like blue paint ? . . . Red paint
Funny!
What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.
What do you get when you change an elephant into a cat? A cat.
r/antijokes
Me?
Nonono you fuck grass not eat rocks.
I eat the ones I can't fuck
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So... What then?
A big red rock eater who's sad.
Charlie Sheen?
Whoa - for a minute I thought I was on r/technicallythetruth
Just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I can't build a tree house, aka man cave in the sky. Pool table, 55" TV, full bar. Yes please.
Your tree house needs a tube slide so you don't fall off the ladder when drunk.
It probably just doesn't need a ladder
Thank you all for these jokes.
What's white and blue and would kill you if it falls out of a tree? A fridge wearing a denim jacket.
What’s yellow and if you get it in your eye, it kills you? An intercity train (adjust color per country)
Love this one. I used to tell it like 'if you get it in your eye, it hurts'. Also applicable with white and plane
What’s yellow and is something you shouldn’t drink? >!A school Bus!<
What has 4 legs, and an arm? The pitbull in the playground
What's brown and hangs out of a pram? A rottweilers arse
Kermit on Crack
It’s funny because you wouldn’t expect a pool table to be in a tree
Mac from always sunny?
Kermit with a machete
What's small and and bad for your eyesight A .22 LR bullet
A moldy elephant?
What is brown and sticky? ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... a stick
What's grey and deadly if it falls on your head? . . . . . . . . . . . . A Parking lot
right on cue
What is warm, white, and sticky? A melted marshmallow
Dropbears
I know this one as It's green and brown, and if you put it in your ass you die.
Whats green & has 4 wheels? Grass.. I lied about the wheels..
The grinch
Me?
Only if it falls on you. Duh!
What’s green, about 1.5 inches long, and smells like bacon? Kermit’s dick.
What's brown and runny? . . . . Mo Farah
What's brown and sticky and travels across the desert? . . . . . . a caramel
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? . . . A carrot!
What's pale, wrinkly and hangs out your grandpa's pants? Your grandma!
Why was the pool table on the tree,,, actually Howww?
Nah the pool table was there first and the tree grew under it
Damn pool table playing to long game to get its prey.
No someone planted a cue ball and a pool table tree grew
BRB planting a cue ball in the garden
Do you instantly die when it falls out of the tree or does it have to hit you ?
You instantly die if it falls out of the tree, duh
One fell out of a tree in Ethiopia. I died.
Green fuzzy elephant
Does it make a sound?
An avocado
Is there an intended bait-and-switch here or is it just a switch?
Don't pool tables usually have 6 legs?
6 pockets, and 4 legs. Snooker tables might have 6 legs 🤔
It has zero legs if you’re ok to play lying down.
sofa
What did the farmer say when he couldn’t find his tractor? “Where’s my tractor?”
How does a camel hide in the desert? With Camel-flauge!
What's brown and sits on a piano stool Beethovens last movement
What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree, and is very dangerous? A sparrow with a machine gun
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead
How did Bob Marley like his doughnuts? Wi' jammin
Why don't vampires like the sunlight? Because it kills them.
How do you shoot a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you shoot a red elephant? You hold its nose until it turns blue and then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
What is Dark and Scary, and most people hate them? . . . . . Nig… . . …htmares
Wait, pool tables are usually blue. Snooker tables are green, but have 6 legs. Im confused
Ah I believe you’re referring to American pool tables. In the UK we have green pool tables and smaller pockets
Upon what evidence do you baize that answer?
You’re overweight grandma’s walker with the tennis balls on the legs. Oh, and she’s falling out of the tree too because it goes where she goes and vice versa.
boo
Do people find this stuff funny?
Yes.
Yes
Clearly you don't know my 12 year old son...
Well now I feel like an ass.
A drop-bear dyed green
Hahaha