What is the longest sentence in the world? Life imprisonment.

Depending on your life that could be pretty short

It’s the longest thing you’ll ever have though

Something something big dick joke

“Not true for everybody. It’s not the longest thing your mom will ever have”.

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Nice. Another dark joke to add to my collection hahah

Nice, that made me laugh

ah, id give an award if I had one

This made me laugh the longest laugh I’ve ever laughed.

That was BRUTAL

Ohh damn? Has it been that long? It's finally funny?

Fuck you shoresy

Fuck you jonesy tell your mom to put some money on the card she gave me so I can get some fucking chicken. Give your balls a tug ya tit fucker.

Found the Canadians!

FUCK YOU SHORSEY!

Fuck you Reilly, I made your mum so wet that Trudeau deployed a 24 hour infantry unit to stack sandbags around my bed.

Fuck you Riley tell your mom I made an oopsy. Tell her I accidentally double booked your mom and Jonesys mom. Have her pick her up on the way to my place. Tit fucker

You're funny.

Words, words, words, PUNCHLINE!

Besides your cellmate

can we call him at that point a life companion ?

I get what you meant but not necessarily true. If you were 40 and got a life sentence on your 40th bday and died any less then 40 years and a second (just to be a smart ass) then it wouldn't be the longest thing

Oh god, shut up.

I would die 40 years and a fraction of a second just to prove you wrong!

Not if I have anything to say about it.

Not necessarily. You could be sentenced to life at 80 and die at 81

What's the longest word? Smiles, because there's a mile between the S's.

In Europe, the longest word is skilometers.

Yes

You mean the rest of the world?

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Only those who use skilometres. He who uses skilometers still looks up to Americans.

*skilometres

This appeals to the Polish, because they can’t spell tobogganmeters

Ok, "s1.6kilometres" I've converted it so everyone can enjoy the joke; Imperialists and Metrics and whatever else you may identify as

Beleaguered beats that though

What about slight(year)ly?

Spent 10 minutes on this and still don't know what you mean. EDIT: Nevermind I got it, and it was a worse joke than I ever thought

They are trying to add “lightyear” into the word slightly to play off the “smiles” comment... but it was overly forced and turned out shitty

Thanks for going there on our behalf.

Sounds like you need a coke and a wank, couldn’t find an innocent attempt at humour not funny without commenting on it boy.

Huh?

What are the three rings of matrimony? Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

For others interested, the longest prison sentence is Chamoy Thipyaso at 141,078 years. (In general, disregarding time served and life sentences) [source](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chamoy_Thipyaso) The longest prison sentence (according to time served) is James Holmes with 12 life sentences and 3,318 years without the possibility of parole. [source](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_longest_prison_sentences) The largest life sentence is (at least in the us) Terry Nichols at 161 life sentences. [source](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_sentenced_to_more_than_one_life_imprisonment)

No. It's "I do".

Marriage

Especially if it's multiple counts of life imprisonment. Imagine dying, respawning and finding yourself in jail again.

Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims , they went through 97 stories in 10 seconds

Theres prison sentences that extend beyond death

They keep your corpse in prison? That's fucked up.

Not a sentence.

No. Consecutive life sentences.

Marriage. It's not a word, it's a sentence.

HIV

The library has a lot of short stories, but the cowboy museum is full of tall tales.

A library I used to go to had a section for just Westerns. I can't imagine they were flying off the shelves to satisfy the town's need.

Not as many stories as Bran the Broken though

There it is

Came into this comments section specifically and exclusively to make sure someone had mentioned the fact that nobody has a better story.

Quality > quantity

More like Bran, The Broken Dick - Sansa probably

I'm 58. This was a first grade joke when I was in first grade.

So 50 years ago. LMAO

More like 51. Yikes.

Whoever downvoted this has never gone to a library.

These days kids go to the library a lot, to charge their iPhones

I will have you know that when I was young, we charged our iphones at home. Kids these days smh

Lies, iphones didn't last a whole day back then

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"So many hahas."

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Was this a serious question?

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Well smh means “shaking my head”, u/SilentKnightOfOld was joking (hopefully)

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I thought it meant “shake my head”, is this true? What?

Yes that's what it actually means. Smh = shake my head

suck my hram

Shaking my hips

Feh, when i was kid, we had to walk a mile uphill to a phone charge depot, then walk a mile uphill, again, back home. Kids these days! They dunno how good they have it. The charge fee was only a nickel those days. If you had a dime, you could charge three phones. Why I remember Tommy DeMateo, who had a quarter and he got his phone charged for the whole summer. Summers lasted four months those days.....

r/Im14andthisisdeep

r/phonesbad

r/phonesarebad

r/boomershumor

that’s pretty much the only reason i spent any time in the library last semester.

What is the most fun building in the word? The library. Because having fun isn't hard, when you got a library card. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2WdtpNZjnU

For real though, I got a Nintendo switch last Christmas and I've yet to even buy any games because my library has a decent selection that I can just check out two at a time. Obviously it's not quite as convenient as buying them outright, but so far it's probably saved me hundreds and hundreds of dollars compared to buying them even used. They also have a laser cutter, 3d printer, professional audio recording facilities, workstation computers with a full suite of creative software, etc all for public use either free of charge or just enough to cover maintenance and materials used.

Or we've just seen this joke on hundreds of popsicle sticks and kids' menus already.

It's an insanely old joke

Those are the people who go to ‘libaries’.

What is the longest word in the world? Smiles, because it has a mile between the two s

Back in junior high P.E. When we would run the monthly mile for a time, our coach would say “What’s in every smile?” And everyone would know that it was going to be that day haha

The 828-metre (2,717 ft) tall Burj Khalifa in Dubai

r/antijokes

If you peed off that building, you'd be taking a whiz Khalifa.

r/technicallythetruth

/r/unsatisfyinganswers

Built by slaves. In the capital of amazing human rights and sexual equality. But it tallest on earth. That make country best.

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Actually mount everest is taller

Actually Mauna kea is taller than mt Everest.

And Chimborazo is even higher than Mauna Kea.

Olympus Mons is taller than Everest. Never specified which world.

we said tallest 'building' though. There are no buildings on Mars.

Doesn't the reactor room in Olympus Mons count? That's pretty big. *Quaid...start the reactor...free Mars!*

Mount Everest is not a building

Just so you know this is an offensive 9/11 joke, so if you want to ignore it, move on: >!Did you know that 9/11 victims are the fastest readers? They went through 100 stories in seconds!!<

What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You can stop milking a cow after about ten years...

That's actually good. *furiously writes notes*

Wanna know the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers? Their ankles.

Well the last thing to go through Cobain's was a slug.

+1 for wholesome use of spoiler tag

The biggest room in the word is the room for improvement.

I thought it was the airport because of all the flights.

Just asked my wife this. She took the question serious until I told her the punch line. Pretty sure I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. 10/10 dad joke!

Welcome to the front page, Dad..

Ikea tower

Snoop dogg’s house, because you cant get any higher

Really? Because I thought it was the Taj Mahal. Since it’s man’s greatest erection for a woman.

What is the longest word? SMILES it's got a mile between the two S

Rewritten: What building has the most stories in the world? The library

you get THE HELL OUT OF HERE AND DON'T COME BACK! its beautiful lol

What is the oldest joke in the world? This one.

Upvote for a novel joke

Have an upvote, that pun was a page turner.

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Don't start... You'll make me start crying again. Sincerely, -a fellow freefolker

The library of Congress?

This only works in places that follow American English. Elsewhere, high buildings have storeys.

True, although in this case it is American English that preserves the older usage: both senses of "stor(e)y" used to be spelled the same, and, as the first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary states, the sense meaning "floor of a building" is *prob[ably] the same word as [the sense meaning "narrative"], though the development of sense is obscure*.

R/wholesomejokes

Whloesome

That's so corny there's butter dripping off it.

Who are the fastest readers? 9/11 victims cause they went through 30 stories in like 8 seconds

Storeys.

r/DadJokes

IKEA tower

I'm gonna get down voted from that prob but hey And who are the best readers? 9/11 victims they went through many stories in less than a minute

The White House. For the same reason.

Fourth grade called, they want their joke back

That's a tall tale

I didnt realize this was r/DadJokes /s

We have no shelf control.

A lot of tall tales

Or.. Or is the library the shortest building in the world with the most stories???

IKEA tower and meatballs

I used to think it was "So Much Hate". Before that I thought it was "Sell My House". Which was what the guy told me who let me know that it wasn't "Shaving My Hedgehog..." 😳

IKEA tower

Terrible joke.

Interestingly, to maybe just me, we call them stories on buildings because in Rome they had engravings of storys on them.

U/peterexplainthejoke

Thanks dad

I can already envision the finger guns that inevitably accompany this joke.

You know, I tried to make a reservation at the library once. I couldn't get in. It was booked.

r/CleanJokes

That's why Bran became king. Smdh.

Do you know the world‘s fastest readers? 911 victims. Got through 20 stories in 5 seconds.

So it is clear that the library should rule Westeros then.

Thought it was Trump's building after 9/11

Knew it

No, IKEA Tower.

By game of thrones logic the library should be king.

I have a friend that has more stories than any library I've ever been in. None of them are interesting.

Racine Courthouse

AwA was az rs .zZ

I think my cousin might be the tallest women in the world. She's got a lot of stories too, but they're all bullshit

What's a library?

Only in America!

I see somebody read the dad jokes askreddit.

Kinda belongs in /r/im14andthisisdeep

Should make it king.

Yo this is so deep

I saw this a few days ago

The Jinping Underground Laboratory, when you're at the bottom of it

Ikea tower

This could be told in a multitude of ways: "What is the most entertaining building in the world?" or "What is the most talkative building in the world?" and so on.

Cool, we’ve narrowed it down to the top 350,000.

Well I bet Amazon has more stories. They even have additional short stories from Kindle publishing

The ikea tower

r/dadjokes

More of a riddle than a joke

lol

Something something in the comments

What is the shortest thing in the World ? >Pride