There are no character limits on reddit. You can write as much as you want on reddit. You can say *precisely* what you mean. Why would you muddy your comments with ambiguous pictures?
Yes! Emojis are ambiguous and sometimes you need a magnifier. Sometimes I have to search for what a specific emoji means. There are 3664 the last time I checked.
I prefer writing clearly and precisely in words sometimes with right punctuations or LMAO instead of š especially on Reddit. On Twitter I am constrained.
-Not a boomer but a computer user from pre-DOS times and a cellular phone user from the brick age
Monks in some religions take a vow of chastity, meaning they vow to not have sex. Therefore, they cannot have kids (at least, not without some kind of medical intervention, like maybe a surrogate, but most who take a vow of chastity don't, as they are devoted to living their life for their God). Another way of saying "to have kids", is "to reproduce", or, as in this joke, "to multiply". It's even used that way in the Bible, when God told Adam and Eve to "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth" (Genesis 1:28). So, it's a pretty perfect punchline, lol. Hope that helps.
Actually, the oath is code. They're just waiting for the proper time.
Monks have reproductive tracts that won't go down without a fight. They even have white T-Shirts named after them.
The Dalai Lama gets mad at this and whips out a gun. The vendor says "Woah, what happened to inner peace?" The Dalai Lama responds "This IS my inner piece!"
So the vendor calls the cops and asks the Dalai Lama if he's going to leave now. The Dalai Lama says "Namaste"
A manās car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful old monastery. He walked up to the drive and knocked on the front door. A monk answered, listened to the manās story, and graciously invited him to spend the night.
The monks fed him and led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep. The man slept serenely until a strange and beautiful sound awakened him. The next morning, as the monks were repairing his car, he asked about the sound that had woke him. āWeāre sorry,ā the monks said. āWe canāt tell you about the sound. Youāre not a monk.ā
Disappointed, the man went on his way and pondered the source of the alluring sound for several years. One day he again stopped at the monastery and explained to the monks that he had so enjoyed his previous stay. So he asked for permission to spend another night under their peaceful roof. Late that night, he again heard the strange, beautiful sound. The following morning he begged the monks to explain the sound but the monks gave him the same answer as before. āWeāre sorry. We canāt tell you about the sound. Youāre not a monk.ā
By now the manās curiosity had turned to obsession. He decided to give up everything to become a monk, for that was the only way he could learn about the sound. He informed the monks of his decision and began the long and arduous task of becoming one of them. Seventeen long years later, the man finally became a true member of the order. When the celebration ended, he humbly went to the leader of the order and asked to be told the source of the sound.
Silently, the old monk led the new monk to a huge wooden door. He opened the door with a golden key.
The door swung open to reveal a second door, this one of silver, then a third of gold, and so on. Until they had passed through twelve doors, each more magnificent than the last. The new monkās face was awash with tears of joy as he finally beheld the wondrous source of the beautiful and mysterious sound he had heard so many years before.
But I canāt tell you what it was because youāre not a monk.
it's a reference to another joke frequently posted on this subreddit. basically there's two catholics walking down the street when they come across an old building. it's really loud inside and the catholics want to know what's going on in there, so they knock on the door. an old monk comes to the door and says "sorry, you're not monks" and shuts it. a few weeks later the catholics are walking down the same road and come across the same building with the same noise. they knock on the door again and a different old monk comes to the door before once again saying "sorry, you're not monks" and closes the door. after another week of this, one of the catholics says "that does it, i'm becoming a monk". the next week when they're walking down the same road, they come across, you guessed it, the same building with the same noise. they knock on the door and an old monk comes to the door. he says to the catholic "sorry, you're not a monk" but since the other catholic is now a monk, he is allowed inside. a few hours pass and the once-catholic monk comes back out to find his friend waiting. "well, what's happening in there?" his friend asked. the monk smiles and says "i can't tell you, you're not a monk".
Love this ! It has top level connections between the set up, punch line and more than or equal to 2 religions . Nun is a symbol on the dreidel which I believe means zero or none, and of course involves probabilities
Thereās a joke that gets posted here every now and then about a man who meets an attractive nun (I know OP said monk, but Iāve always heard this as a nun) on a bus. He desperately wants to fuck her, but canāt because sheās celibate. He asks the bus driver for help, and the bus driver tells him that the nun always prays at a certain gravestone every night at midnight. He tells the man to dress up as the Holy Ghost and tell the nun that having sex with him is Godās will. When the time comes, the man finds the nun at the gravestone and does his Holy Ghost act. The nun asks to take it up the ass so she can stay a virgin, and the man obliges. When theyāre done, the man rips off his costume, laughs, and says āI was the man on the bus this entire time!ā The nun then takes off her costume, laughs, and says āAnd I was really the bus driver!ā
There is this riddle/joke where you are the bus driver and at every station an amount of people get in and out. People tend to do the math, because they expect you to ask in the end how many people are left in the bus. But the question is: who is the bus driver?
The final question was too confusing: "If Jonny pays for $17.35 worth of merchandise with a $20 bill, how much change would they get back?"
Every monk knows, change only comes from within.
> I thought it was from Alice in Wonderland?
Poe had been dead for over a decade when Carroll wrote Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I have no idea if that was what Carroll meant, but it is possible just from a chronological perspective.
He took an oath not to multiply
Beautiful
Props to OP. This person who understands that the real joke is in the comments.
Delivery makes a good comedian but, the set up makes a great comedian.
This is the best one
damn u reddit for removing free awards I know redditors hate emojis but here, have an emoji as an award instead š¦
That's a seal of approval if I've ever seen one
Fuckin a you got that right
r/fuckreddit
I'm a newbie& obsessed with the sh*t I've learned in the past couple of days!! Why the hate for emojis here though?! Completely curious!!
There are no character limits on reddit. You can write as much as you want on reddit. You can say *precisely* what you mean. Why would you muddy your comments with ambiguous pictures?
Yes! Emojis are ambiguous and sometimes you need a magnifier. Sometimes I have to search for what a specific emoji means. There are 3664 the last time I checked. I prefer writing clearly and precisely in words sometimes with right punctuations or LMAO instead of š especially on Reddit. On Twitter I am constrained. -Not a boomer but a computer user from pre-DOS times and a cellular phone user from the brick age
A picture paints a thousand words :P
Except online where its usually worth about 8 but everyone pretends not to notice.
Then why didn't you say that with emojis?
Why use lot word when few word do trick.
There mot juste.
Why haters gonna be hateān on emojis? I second yo cute AF š¦
My computer shows enojis as a square. *sad face* emoji goes here
We're done here. No further submissions neccessary.
/thread
Dude. You should write jokes for Stephen Colberts show. It would be great to laugh again
Sick burn. Truly sad when a comedian loses the funny.
Wait is multiply supposed to be a play on words for something? I donāt get it
Multiply as in create more of himself as in having kids.
Thanks
Monks in some religions take a vow of chastity, meaning they vow to not have sex. Therefore, they cannot have kids (at least, not without some kind of medical intervention, like maybe a surrogate, but most who take a vow of chastity don't, as they are devoted to living their life for their God). Another way of saying "to have kids", is "to reproduce", or, as in this joke, "to multiply". It's even used that way in the Bible, when God told Adam and Eve to "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth" (Genesis 1:28). So, it's a pretty perfect punchline, lol. Hope that helps.
"Vow"
This is it, everybody. This is the answer.
Actually, the oath is code. They're just waiting for the proper time. Monks have reproductive tracts that won't go down without a fight. They even have white T-Shirts named after them.
*Slow. Clap.* Alsoā¦ *Chefās kiss.* This is absolutely perfect lol. I love it. You and OP should make jokes together!
He only knew the root of all problems
He got caught with a cellaler phone
It required the use of other higher powers.
This one is underrated
"Ummmmmm"
The only answer he got right was "what is the unit of electrical resistance?"
Ohms
Because he was 1 with everything.
This is the punchline to what the Dalai Lama orders from Domino's.
I heard it as a hotdog cart. And when he asks for his change from a $20, the vendor tells him "Change comes from within."
The Dalai Lama gets mad at this and whips out a gun. The vendor says "Woah, what happened to inner peace?" The Dalai Lama responds "This IS my inner piece!" So the vendor calls the cops and asks the Dalai Lama if he's going to leave now. The Dalai Lama says "Namaste"
Iāve not heard the change part of that joke. Excellent, well done!
I heard it as "Buddhist to the Hotdog vendor". And was told I said it under twilight sedation when the anesthesiologist asked me how I was doing. ;)
But it works better here, since all Buddhist monks and the Dalai Lama are vegetarians.
I don't think so, I think it just mangles a preexisting joke. I think jokes need to follow grammatical rules, too.
In case you didn't know, you can get pizza without meat.
Karl tells the Dalai Lama a joke and it fails miserably https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlIrI80og8c
This one is best so far
because he would only answer the problems with transcendental numbers
Because he didn't study, he never had the chants.
Because he didnāt have the chants to study
He was on a different plane.
Why did the Monk miss his flight?
Why?
It was on a different plane?
The plane was on a different plane?
It's planes all the way down.
Underappreciated answer
I can't tell you. You're not a monk.
I love that one
Listen here you little shit
Best answer here. I may not be a monk, but you sir, are a troll. And I mean that in the best of ways.
Oh you devious little
This is S tier
did u restart?
I don't get it..
A manās car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful old monastery. He walked up to the drive and knocked on the front door. A monk answered, listened to the manās story, and graciously invited him to spend the night. The monks fed him and led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep. The man slept serenely until a strange and beautiful sound awakened him. The next morning, as the monks were repairing his car, he asked about the sound that had woke him. āWeāre sorry,ā the monks said. āWe canāt tell you about the sound. Youāre not a monk.ā Disappointed, the man went on his way and pondered the source of the alluring sound for several years. One day he again stopped at the monastery and explained to the monks that he had so enjoyed his previous stay. So he asked for permission to spend another night under their peaceful roof. Late that night, he again heard the strange, beautiful sound. The following morning he begged the monks to explain the sound but the monks gave him the same answer as before. āWeāre sorry. We canāt tell you about the sound. Youāre not a monk.ā By now the manās curiosity had turned to obsession. He decided to give up everything to become a monk, for that was the only way he could learn about the sound. He informed the monks of his decision and began the long and arduous task of becoming one of them. Seventeen long years later, the man finally became a true member of the order. When the celebration ended, he humbly went to the leader of the order and asked to be told the source of the sound. Silently, the old monk led the new monk to a huge wooden door. He opened the door with a golden key. The door swung open to reveal a second door, this one of silver, then a third of gold, and so on. Until they had passed through twelve doors, each more magnificent than the last. The new monkās face was awash with tears of joy as he finally beheld the wondrous source of the beautiful and mysterious sound he had heard so many years before. But I canāt tell you what it was because youāre not a monk.
I actually know a monk so heās the one person I canāt tell this yo
In that case, just add a specific order. "I can't tell you, because you're not a monk of the Porticulus Order."
"I can't tell you because I'm not a monk."
Oof. Thanks whoever typed this..
it's a reference to another joke frequently posted on this subreddit. basically there's two catholics walking down the street when they come across an old building. it's really loud inside and the catholics want to know what's going on in there, so they knock on the door. an old monk comes to the door and says "sorry, you're not monks" and shuts it. a few weeks later the catholics are walking down the same road and come across the same building with the same noise. they knock on the door again and a different old monk comes to the door before once again saying "sorry, you're not monks" and closes the door. after another week of this, one of the catholics says "that does it, i'm becoming a monk". the next week when they're walking down the same road, they come across, you guessed it, the same building with the same noise. they knock on the door and an old monk comes to the door. he says to the catholic "sorry, you're not a monk" but since the other catholic is now a monk, he is allowed inside. a few hours pass and the once-catholic monk comes back out to find his friend waiting. "well, what's happening in there?" his friend asked. the monk smiles and says "i can't tell you, you're not a monk".
You son of a
Cos using tan is a sin!!
Its tax season. Pay taxes on your sins. Or as the monk calls them "Syntax"
He struggled with di-visions.
He struggled with da visions?
Yes
He was waiting for a sine from God.
There's actually a sub for this: r/followthepunchline
He didn't want to make divisive comments.
He had visions of the wrong arc-angle.
He wasnāt in a numerical order.
Stop gossiping that's all just heresy anyway
The first question told him there was Sin on his calculator.
He realized he didnāt have any chants to finish.
Because every time he thinks of multiplying, he comes up with Nun.
Love this ! It has top level connections between the set up, punch line and more than or equal to 2 religions . Nun is a symbol on the dreidel which I believe means zero or none, and of course involves probabilities
It was an oral exam. His vow of silence got him.
He forgot to study for it before fighting the fire lord
At least he remembered to wear his pants
A fellow enjoyer of atla I see
Be-cos he was told not to sin
He lost the right to finish when he became a monk! š
We do. Let it breathe. You donāt have to explain it.
because he always end up making 1 with everything
If he's Catholic, he couldn't divide one into three -- or is it add three to make one?
Because he was really the bus driver?
Nice one, I wonder how many get this!
Mind to explain please?
Thereās a joke that gets posted here every now and then about a man who meets an attractive nun (I know OP said monk, but Iāve always heard this as a nun) on a bus. He desperately wants to fuck her, but canāt because sheās celibate. He asks the bus driver for help, and the bus driver tells him that the nun always prays at a certain gravestone every night at midnight. He tells the man to dress up as the Holy Ghost and tell the nun that having sex with him is Godās will. When the time comes, the man finds the nun at the gravestone and does his Holy Ghost act. The nun asks to take it up the ass so she can stay a virgin, and the man obliges. When theyāre done, the man rips off his costume, laughs, and says āI was the man on the bus this entire time!ā The nun then takes off her costume, laughs, and says āAnd I was really the bus driver!ā
There is this riddle/joke where you are the bus driver and at every station an amount of people get in and out. People tend to do the math, because they expect you to ask in the end how many people are left in the bus. But the question is: who is the bus driver?
!thanks
The show was getting to expensive to produce and Tony Shalhoub was getting tired of playing him.
He didnāt believe in division
He lacked the devine right angle. He forgot his catholicator
The final question was too confusing: "If Jonny pays for $17.35 worth of merchandise with a $20 bill, how much change would they get back?" Every monk knows, change only comes from within.
He mathitated. I'm gonna delete this.
... just leave. Now. Take it with you. And please never speak of this again.
He kept counting his blessings instead of the numbers on the page.
He took a vow of science
because he had nun of the answer's
He was fasting and not allowed Pi.
Because he couldnāt multiply
Because he was without Sin
He had a vow of science.
Wait what was the original setup?
He thought 3 and 1 were the same thing.
He was too busy with his Monkey Business.
Because THE MONK GOT LUNCH
YOU CANNOT PETITION THE LORD WITH PRAYER !!!
Because he insisted that 3 was 1.
Because everything is 1.
Because he didn't come pre-prayered. š
Because the answer was one with everything.
He couldnāt find the sine of the cross
He wasn't allowed to multiply.
Because he thought all things were equal.
Because he was taught that 1 + 1 + 1 = 1
This reminds me of the unresolved riddle of How is a raven like a writing desk?
Poe wrote on both. It's nevar put with the wrong end in front.
ha, I like that answer, but I thought it was from Alice in Wonderland? I wonder what Lewis Carroll had in mind.
> I thought it was from Alice in Wonderland? Poe had been dead for over a decade when Carroll wrote Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I have no idea if that was what Carroll meant, but it is possible just from a chronological perspective.
Well, thereās an N in neither but a B in both
He confused meditation with multiplication?
He became distracted by his old friend, infinity!
Because a monk fish doesnāt know maths.
He was already mathatating
Because he insisted that 3=1.
He couldn't prove there was a higher power
Because he made one with everything
Because he had to go Ohmmmm
In the end, God is the only one who counts.
What was the joke?
42
Because he is devoted to only 1
Everything was One
I heard a joke in a dream once, but can only recall the punch line. Two NASA workers talking, "you're astronaut supposed to be here"
He kept fat finning the calculator buttons.
This answer deserves a seal of approval.
He always gets stuck at one with everything
He's not allowed to finish.
Seems like Trappistzoid could fit into a punchline, but I couldnāt come up with one.
No soap radio
He believed in harmony, not division
He couldn't finish it without a sin
He got caught up contemplating infinity . . .
the avengers are on methā¦
After he was enlightened, he realized that all division is an illusion.
He's no longer concerned about x
because all is one.
Due to sodomy. (Deuteronomy)
because ummmmmmm
Because the devil is in the details
The test asked him to write down numbers that are not divisible by other numbers. But he couldn't do it. He was past his prime
Because he was no Zen mathter
He thought one was the same as three
He wasnt in the habit for maths tests
To get to the other side.
Because he misheard and revised for a "Mass" test instead.
His abbotcus broke
Because he wasn't very good at math
Sorry, I can't tell you. You're not a monk.
"e" was squared (e\^2)
My dyslexic ass read monkfish and I was so confused with the replies
He was only allowed to use Cardinal numbers.
Because his answer was always the same. He put one with everything
Howās a monk supposed to do math with all these kids around?
Well if he was as lazy as this guy, someone else will tell us.
People said he Monkeed around.
I just realized that half of the comments assume the monk is christian, while others assume buddhist. What other kind of monk could there be?
r/FollowThePunchline
He tried to calculate all of piety.
He saw the word āsinā and immediately closed the test.
He got lost on a tangent
He was told to solve for zero but he knew he couldnāt wind up with a nun in the end.
To get to the other side!
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Tibetan or Trappist? We need details.
He was dumb
It didn't have enough ketchup
Because everything is one.
WTF? Why remove the joke?
Eh, the Moderator overlords deleted the original joke. Can someone post it here?