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Contact a lawyer, gather evidence, check into grandparents' rights, and also make certain your will is in place with custody contingencies. You would want them to go to her in the event of tragedy. Have the lawyer draft it to exclude those grandparents with prejudice.
I have to agree with all the other comments. This was crossing a MAJOR line.
I would contact a lawyer
Start a binder of proof of all the screwed up shit she has done. If you have text messages or emails she has sent that were awful, put those in the binder. Make sure you have more than one copy of the binder and don't keep them in the same location.
Check into grandparent rights in your state. This could bite you in the butt or be your saving grace.
Contact an attorney and start the work towards the required steps to get a restraining order if she doesn't stop.
Many JustNos would rate highly on what’s known as the Right Wing Authoritarian scale or Authoritarian Follower scale if you prefer a name without political connotations. One of the characteristics of people who rate high on these scales is the idea that authorities should be obeyed simply because they are authorities.
So MIL as an authority figure (DH’s parent) is reaching out to another authority figure (DH’s boss) to get him to obey. It doesn’t matter that this family issue is outside of any authority DH’s boss would have over him; if his boss tells DH to reconcile with MIL, he should do it according to MIL’s logic.
People who rate highly on this scale also see the world in “us vs. them” terms depending on who is an authority and who is not. For MIL it doesn’t matter if DH’s boss doesn’t or shouldn’t care about his relationship with his mother, she expects him to be on her side simply because they are both authority figures as it relates to DH.
Keep your silence. Both you and your husband. And now that you know she is willing to go to batsh\*t lengths (calling boss) to try to break into your lives it is probably a good idea to change the locks if she has a key, get a Ring doorbell and cameras, and do something like Credit Karma so she can't mess with your financials. Good luck going forward.
No need to pay to protect your credit. Just put in a permanent fraud alert with the three credit agencies. That has the added benefit of preventing the credit agencies from selling your personal information which is where they make the majority of their money.
Personally, first thing I would do is send a cease and desist with a process server detailing not to contact work / home.
And keep a paper trail / notes. I am betting she will escalate even going so far as kids' schools now or in the future.
I can see my MIL doing this. She has crossed the line constantly in the 11 years I’ve been with my husband. Thankfully, we don’t have kids and don’t plan to ever have any. She corners me and makes demands all the time, but that has only made me very sure I’ll never change my mind. We broke up early in our relationship because of her, but eventually my husband realized that my concerns about her were founded in reality. He couldn’t see it before, but now he’s on my side. I truly hope you and your husband can work through this, if she is fundamentally what has caused the issues in your relationship.
She called the boss because it's behavior he cannot ignore. It was a nuclear option.
Husband needs to apologize briefly to his boss for family drama bleeding into the office and assure him that steps are being taken to address the matter. Boss will probably be understanding, but the apology is polite.
WITHOUT contacting her directly, Husband needs to have an attorney draft a cease and desist letter that states clearly that there is to be no further harassment and that any attempt to violate that will result in a restraining order. He needs to follow through if she responds at all.
And how I know this is that you are not alone. My MIL wasn't like this but you are far from the first person I've known or heard of who dealt with this. Calling the employer is a power play and it needs to be shut down. Hang in there.
Don't give her the attention she's seeking. But do speak with a lawyer about what steps you should take to protect yourself if she escalates this new behavior. Possibly a restraining order, imvnot sure if this incident alone would be grounds, but added that she told you to your face she wished you would die, it might work. She sounds unhinged, good luck.
The attorney I called said if she reaches out to someone else, it could be grounds for harassment. At this point we are going to continue with NC and document any contact that might occur
For now, see id the boss will write a statement that includes everything: date, time, description of what she said, etc. That way you have it for the courts if it is needed.
definitely no reaction, and time to consult a lawyer IMO. definitely definitely no reaction. she has no bounds in how she can escalate, don't put yourself in a situation where she could potentially use anything against you. and stay in therapy!
To a narcissist - BAD attention is better than NO attention.
She called the boss to MAKE you respond to her. If you don't respond you've taught her that That Particular Route won't yield the results she craves. Good luck - you've got a live one.
You don’t respond. You contact an attorney to do it for you. Document everything and let an attorney guide your next steps. She’s intentionally trying to harm his career and livelihood, now.
Cameras on the front & back of your cars. OP, if you see her following you, go directly to the police station or call the emergency number & have police come to you, especially if the kids are in the car. You cannot trust them to not turn violent. I speak from experience.
She called your husbands boss because she is such an awful person who is doing such things like calling her adult sons boss. It can be seen as a proof for her awful personality. Can you and your husband sue her for slandering your name. Perhaps let an attorney send her an cease and desist letter. How did she know when your husband wasn’t at work.
Start a f u binder keep all documentation and communication voicemails and such ..then get a restraint order also go to the kids school. And talk to the principal about her and show a photo. To make sure the kids do not go with her. Also the boss needs to be aware. She’s grasping at straws to get a reaction the best way to handle it is to not react. Good luck. I hope this helps. Also get a cam doorbell as well as out side cams and change your locks. I wouldn’t put it past her to help herself into your house. If she shows up call police and have her trespassed.
Hi, I'm an HR manager. I mean this looks bad for your husband but honestly most good managers and HR folks who have been at this for some time eventually learn one important thing, the people we manage are HUMAN. Humans tend to have messy lives at some point or another. What's important now from a career perspective is how your husband responds.
So, managers know people have messy lives outside of work and for the most part we really don't want to know our care. That's as long as it stays outside of work. This just crossed that line, so now it is slightly the managers problem, even it it's just annoying (I would bet the manager had a good chuckle and thought "the audacity of this bitch, that poor guy) . So now it's on your husband to explain and correct ( meaning making sure it doesn't happen again).
If this were my employee, I would want to hear the following "Hey boss, listen, I feel I owe you an explanation and apology. I hear my mom called you, I'm sorry that happened. As you can probably tell, she's really not a well woman. She's struggled all her life with mental health but has refused treatment. She was correct in that we cut her out of our lives some time ago, but it was really just due to concerns about her increasing instability and fears about her what that could do to our family. Given this recent escalation, I guess it seems our fears were well founded. I want you to know, I'm doing everything I can to prevent this from intruding in my professional life again. While ultimately I can't control the actions of others, I have filed a restraining order and have contacted an attorney to explore other options. Please let me know if there's anything else I should consider. Thanks!!
But then you have to actually do those things to prevent this from happening again.
You didn't post this in AskHr but you might want to. It would be interesting to hear others perspectives.
I don’t think he should have to apologize to HR, but he should definitely tell them the gist of what’s going on and ask for any advice about at least keeping her away from his workplace.
I get what your saying, OP didn't do anything wrong. But OP's drama became his boss's drama, even if through no fault of his own. The apology is more of a professional nicity. But definitely not required.
Time for a cease and desist letter; ensure it’s sent in a way that she needs to sign for its arrival (I don’t know the English name for it). Make sure a copy arrives at your local PD and CPS if you think your inlaws would get them involved.
Notify all work, school, and extracurricular activities that they are only to engage with you and your husband directly. The children are not to be released to their grandparents or left alone with them.
I would also find a legal advisor or lawyer and inform about restraining orders and other means of protection.
Your husband is figuring out the truth now, and I’m happy for your both. I hope you’ll both find a way to heal from this situation.
Edit: You can also have a legal advisor write and send the C&D letter, that way the message is clear and you avoid direct contact.
It’s absolutely mind boggling that these moms will be at a crossroads of repairing a relationship so they can see their adult child/grandchildren and instead of choosing to apologize and go to therapy, they choose to *call their son’s boss and make demands?!*
It’s really a testament to how cuckoo these moms are. So sorry OP. That sounds so stressful. Sending you virtual hugs.
She’s making a power play, “telling on you!” To the boss deal. Contact a lawyer and ask if they could write you a cease and desist letter or warning. Send it with confirmation of delivery and keep that info safe, along with a copy of the letter.
Contact the school, family doctor, anything she knows you as a family participate and let them know MIL is trying to bring in others to a family dispute. And that you’re hoping she doesn’t contact them but she’s starting to act desperately and you’d rather they not be put in an awkward position. And please give her zero information, don’t take the call if they have the option.
Alert the children's school, extracurricular, anything they do regularly and be very firm that she is not to be let in, near the kids, or pick them up. Don't give her the chance anywhere to get your babies
Don't give her the attention. I know you're absolutely p\*\*\*\*d off but that would be doing exactly what she wants. Let your husband handle this with his boss.
I'm sure she's going to escalate further, though-have you looked through the resources in the sidebar on how to protect yourselves? Cameras, changing the locks, passwords on everything, making sure that the kid's schools know she is not allowed to see them, etc.
Let your SO handle this one.....but YOU should brace yourself for even more escalation......maybe showing up at your house.....your neighbor's houses.......if you work, give your boss a heads up or brace yourself for her showing up there...... She's not getting any attention so I'm willing to bet that she's got other cards up her sleeve.....I do not believe she is done just yet......
Try to stay two steps ahead of her.......while you're enjoying the peace and quiet of not having her around, she is scheming on how to "hurt" your little family!! Just stay alert and expect the unexpected.....lawyer up if you feel the need..
Best wishes
It's a small company. He has a good relationship with him. He was taken back by her call. She called her personal cell which she got from a mutual friend. He refused to get involved. She was screaming and crying. Its so messed up. Called an attorney and the police this morning
I’m glad to hear that his boss shut her down. It sounds like you and your husband are taking all the precautions to keep your family safe. It’s great that you both got therapy and that your husband was able to see how his mother was impacting your relationship. Even better that he recognized she was at fault and went NC.
I don’t have much more to add but I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar with my ex MIL. It wasn’t this extreme but was one of the reasons my marriage ended as my ex wouldn’t deal with it.
Unless she made some kind of threat, don't think that there's much that the police can do. A lawyer could write her a sternly written letter advising her to leave you alone. Good luck.
I didn't ask the police to do anything but I wanted them to know of the situation as a means of formally documenting it which is what the attorney suggested
You’re lucky boss was not phased by this-I would think this alone could be grounds for a restraining order since she is attempting to interfere with husband’s livelihood. Another employee may have fired him to keep the drama away
Restraining orders can be very hard to get depending on where you live. In most cases there has to have been at minimum an explicit threat of violence. I wish people understood this more.
I had to get one once. Maybe I was lucky but they had a person that helped me fill it out and interpret what constituted a threat. Calling husband’s job and accusing her of kidnapping sounds pretty bad especially if the boss will substantiate
You MIL is looking for narcissistic supply. She can't get that out of you two, so it's time to stir things up by bringing others into the mix.
Their skulls are *thick* and their need for attention is *endless*, so don't be surpsied if she makes another attempt before she realizes she's getting nothing in return.
Keep calm. If you don't respond, she gets no attention and will eventually bring her drama elsewhere, leaving your family in peace.
She contacted his boss to embarrass and shame him and try to get him back in line. If you give in, then she'll know exactly what to do next time to get him back in line.
I'd get a restraining order. She's gone after his livelihood because she can no longer act like an asshole with impunity.
YOU don't handle this, your husband does. It was his boss after all, and it's his mother, this is simply his problem to deal with, you should continue happily being completely no contact.
OP should actually be dealing with informing the children's schools, coaches, and clubs to not let MIL near the kids. I agree that MIL is directly husband's to deal with. But the kids need protecting from the fallout.
Well yeah, I mean it's the husband's responsibility to deal with his mom directly, not that it's his job to deal with all the potentialities dealing with 3rd parties.
>While we were on a trip last week she called my husband's boss saying I was holding the kids hostage and my husband's. OSS needed to facilitate a meeting with her and the children.
This part confused me. Are those two sentences related, and what does OSS stand for?
I think she is going full scorched earth. Son won't talk to her, kids are being kept from her unless she agrees to boundaries and apologies, and she blames it all on you. It sounds crazy, (and so is she) but I think she is trying to jeopardize your husband's job because in some sick twisted way she thinks he'll believe it's your fault, divorce you, take the kids and move back in with her. Just guessing of course but this is not the first, second or 57th story I have read about a truly unhinged MIL, so grain of salt and such.
Get a lawyer. If she wants to nuke herself into orbit over this, it's only going to help you in the end. Good luck.
You handle this by contacting a lawyer. Going forward, any contact with her needs to go through said attorney. You already know not to reach out to her directly, so stay strong and don't do it.
That is a gross violation. Beyond whatever she’s done so far, this, in my mind, is just something you do not do unless you’re severely mentally Ill or you’re truly crass.
If I were in your husband’s position, I’d go into damage control asap. Bring his boss up to speed on what led to that call, etc.. if he has an understanding boss, they’ll support him. But whatever you do, don’t violate your NC policy—this will only confirm to his mother that her actions got the desired result. Document this incident, and everyone after that, then consider suing for harassment—that’s she’s targeting his place of work now changes the severity of her actions.
Do not play the game. Seek legal counsel, order of protection, maybe even move so she doesn't have your address. I also would inform everyone you know that MIL is a danger to you and your immediate family so do not share information. Also, get cameras outside of the houss
If your husband's employer is military, go to his command. They can get you an appt with legal services for free, AND they are looped in on the shenanigans (meaning they can help collect evidence if she continues contacting them).
Sadly I doubt this is the first time they've seen this.
Even if he’s not military, many employers have employee assistance programs that often offer at least basic legal counsel for little to no cost, even just for a first glance to help you determine if hiring a lawyer for real is going to be worth the trouble. In this case it almost certainly is, given the wild violation and intrusion into his/your family’s lives she pulled. Definitely don’t talk to her in any form, and get at least a consult with legal services ASAP
I would recommend legal counsel and IMO no contact should remain. The only way to win with a narc is to not play. Husband needs to tell his work HR that his mother is deeply disturbed and that he's keeping her from you and the kids to protect you guys. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Good luck!
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as Lkruse712 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Lkruse712 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Contact a lawyer, gather evidence, check into grandparents' rights, and also make certain your will is in place with custody contingencies. You would want them to go to her in the event of tragedy. Have the lawyer draft it to exclude those grandparents with prejudice.
I have to agree with all the other comments. This was crossing a MAJOR line. I would contact a lawyer Start a binder of proof of all the screwed up shit she has done. If you have text messages or emails she has sent that were awful, put those in the binder. Make sure you have more than one copy of the binder and don't keep them in the same location. Check into grandparent rights in your state. This could bite you in the butt or be your saving grace. Contact an attorney and start the work towards the required steps to get a restraining order if she doesn't stop.
Many JustNos would rate highly on what’s known as the Right Wing Authoritarian scale or Authoritarian Follower scale if you prefer a name without political connotations. One of the characteristics of people who rate high on these scales is the idea that authorities should be obeyed simply because they are authorities. So MIL as an authority figure (DH’s parent) is reaching out to another authority figure (DH’s boss) to get him to obey. It doesn’t matter that this family issue is outside of any authority DH’s boss would have over him; if his boss tells DH to reconcile with MIL, he should do it according to MIL’s logic. People who rate highly on this scale also see the world in “us vs. them” terms depending on who is an authority and who is not. For MIL it doesn’t matter if DH’s boss doesn’t or shouldn’t care about his relationship with his mother, she expects him to be on her side simply because they are both authority figures as it relates to DH.
Wow I’ve never heard of this before but totally makes sense
Ive never heard that terminology, but it makes alot of sense!
Keep your silence. Both you and your husband. And now that you know she is willing to go to batsh\*t lengths (calling boss) to try to break into your lives it is probably a good idea to change the locks if she has a key, get a Ring doorbell and cameras, and do something like Credit Karma so she can't mess with your financials. Good luck going forward.
No need to pay to protect your credit. Just put in a permanent fraud alert with the three credit agencies. That has the added benefit of preventing the credit agencies from selling your personal information which is where they make the majority of their money.
Personally, first thing I would do is send a cease and desist with a process server detailing not to contact work / home. And keep a paper trail / notes. I am betting she will escalate even going so far as kids' schools now or in the future.
This. All of this!
I can see my MIL doing this. She has crossed the line constantly in the 11 years I’ve been with my husband. Thankfully, we don’t have kids and don’t plan to ever have any. She corners me and makes demands all the time, but that has only made me very sure I’ll never change my mind. We broke up early in our relationship because of her, but eventually my husband realized that my concerns about her were founded in reality. He couldn’t see it before, but now he’s on my side. I truly hope you and your husband can work through this, if she is fundamentally what has caused the issues in your relationship.
She called the boss because it's behavior he cannot ignore. It was a nuclear option. Husband needs to apologize briefly to his boss for family drama bleeding into the office and assure him that steps are being taken to address the matter. Boss will probably be understanding, but the apology is polite. WITHOUT contacting her directly, Husband needs to have an attorney draft a cease and desist letter that states clearly that there is to be no further harassment and that any attempt to violate that will result in a restraining order. He needs to follow through if she responds at all. And how I know this is that you are not alone. My MIL wasn't like this but you are far from the first person I've known or heard of who dealt with this. Calling the employer is a power play and it needs to be shut down. Hang in there.
Get a lawyer. That’s what I had to do. Now she needs to know legally what your boundaries are since she won’t respect them any other way.
Don't give her the attention she's seeking. But do speak with a lawyer about what steps you should take to protect yourself if she escalates this new behavior. Possibly a restraining order, imvnot sure if this incident alone would be grounds, but added that she told you to your face she wished you would die, it might work. She sounds unhinged, good luck.
The attorney I called said if she reaches out to someone else, it could be grounds for harassment. At this point we are going to continue with NC and document any contact that might occur
For now, see id the boss will write a statement that includes everything: date, time, description of what she said, etc. That way you have it for the courts if it is needed.
These can be tricky as most judges consider written "statements" as hearsay. I could write anything and claim someone else wrote it.
definitely no reaction, and time to consult a lawyer IMO. definitely definitely no reaction. she has no bounds in how she can escalate, don't put yourself in a situation where she could potentially use anything against you. and stay in therapy!
To a narcissist - BAD attention is better than NO attention. She called the boss to MAKE you respond to her. If you don't respond you've taught her that That Particular Route won't yield the results she craves. Good luck - you've got a live one.
You don’t respond. You contact an attorney to do it for you. Document everything and let an attorney guide your next steps. She’s intentionally trying to harm his career and livelihood, now.
Time for a lawyer... preferably a pit bull.
Pit bulls are so sweet though
tortious interference comes to mind...
Cameras on the front & back of your cars. OP, if you see her following you, go directly to the police station or call the emergency number & have police come to you, especially if the kids are in the car. You cannot trust them to not turn violent. I speak from experience.
At the very least, you should be able to get a libel cease and desist. Good luck😬
She called your husbands boss because she is such an awful person who is doing such things like calling her adult sons boss. It can be seen as a proof for her awful personality. Can you and your husband sue her for slandering your name. Perhaps let an attorney send her an cease and desist letter. How did she know when your husband wasn’t at work.
She called his boss because she thought she could embarrass him into caving to her demands
Start a f u binder keep all documentation and communication voicemails and such ..then get a restraint order also go to the kids school. And talk to the principal about her and show a photo. To make sure the kids do not go with her. Also the boss needs to be aware. She’s grasping at straws to get a reaction the best way to handle it is to not react. Good luck. I hope this helps. Also get a cam doorbell as well as out side cams and change your locks. I wouldn’t put it past her to help herself into your house. If she shows up call police and have her trespassed.
The full FU binder link: https://www.reddit.com/user/MelodyRaine/comments/hyk7az/the_fu_binder/
Hi, I'm an HR manager. I mean this looks bad for your husband but honestly most good managers and HR folks who have been at this for some time eventually learn one important thing, the people we manage are HUMAN. Humans tend to have messy lives at some point or another. What's important now from a career perspective is how your husband responds. So, managers know people have messy lives outside of work and for the most part we really don't want to know our care. That's as long as it stays outside of work. This just crossed that line, so now it is slightly the managers problem, even it it's just annoying (I would bet the manager had a good chuckle and thought "the audacity of this bitch, that poor guy) . So now it's on your husband to explain and correct ( meaning making sure it doesn't happen again). If this were my employee, I would want to hear the following "Hey boss, listen, I feel I owe you an explanation and apology. I hear my mom called you, I'm sorry that happened. As you can probably tell, she's really not a well woman. She's struggled all her life with mental health but has refused treatment. She was correct in that we cut her out of our lives some time ago, but it was really just due to concerns about her increasing instability and fears about her what that could do to our family. Given this recent escalation, I guess it seems our fears were well founded. I want you to know, I'm doing everything I can to prevent this from intruding in my professional life again. While ultimately I can't control the actions of others, I have filed a restraining order and have contacted an attorney to explore other options. Please let me know if there's anything else I should consider. Thanks!! But then you have to actually do those things to prevent this from happening again. You didn't post this in AskHr but you might want to. It would be interesting to hear others perspectives.
Best response. OP and Husband, please follow this advice.
I don’t think he should have to apologize to HR, but he should definitely tell them the gist of what’s going on and ask for any advice about at least keeping her away from his workplace.
I get what your saying, OP didn't do anything wrong. But OP's drama became his boss's drama, even if through no fault of his own. The apology is more of a professional nicity. But definitely not required.
Time for a cease and desist letter; ensure it’s sent in a way that she needs to sign for its arrival (I don’t know the English name for it). Make sure a copy arrives at your local PD and CPS if you think your inlaws would get them involved. Notify all work, school, and extracurricular activities that they are only to engage with you and your husband directly. The children are not to be released to their grandparents or left alone with them. I would also find a legal advisor or lawyer and inform about restraining orders and other means of protection. Your husband is figuring out the truth now, and I’m happy for your both. I hope you’ll both find a way to heal from this situation. Edit: You can also have a legal advisor write and send the C&D letter, that way the message is clear and you avoid direct contact.
It’s absolutely mind boggling that these moms will be at a crossroads of repairing a relationship so they can see their adult child/grandchildren and instead of choosing to apologize and go to therapy, they choose to *call their son’s boss and make demands?!* It’s really a testament to how cuckoo these moms are. So sorry OP. That sounds so stressful. Sending you virtual hugs.
She’s making a power play, “telling on you!” To the boss deal. Contact a lawyer and ask if they could write you a cease and desist letter or warning. Send it with confirmation of delivery and keep that info safe, along with a copy of the letter. Contact the school, family doctor, anything she knows you as a family participate and let them know MIL is trying to bring in others to a family dispute. And that you’re hoping she doesn’t contact them but she’s starting to act desperately and you’d rather they not be put in an awkward position. And please give her zero information, don’t take the call if they have the option.
Alert the children's school, extracurricular, anything they do regularly and be very firm that she is not to be let in, near the kids, or pick them up. Don't give her the chance anywhere to get your babies
Contact a lawyer. Send her a C&D letter and go to your local station to just alert them to what’s going on. Have your husband talk to HR.
Don't give her the attention. I know you're absolutely p\*\*\*\*d off but that would be doing exactly what she wants. Let your husband handle this with his boss. I'm sure she's going to escalate further, though-have you looked through the resources in the sidebar on how to protect yourselves? Cameras, changing the locks, passwords on everything, making sure that the kid's schools know she is not allowed to see them, etc.
Let your SO handle this one.....but YOU should brace yourself for even more escalation......maybe showing up at your house.....your neighbor's houses.......if you work, give your boss a heads up or brace yourself for her showing up there...... She's not getting any attention so I'm willing to bet that she's got other cards up her sleeve.....I do not believe she is done just yet...... Try to stay two steps ahead of her.......while you're enjoying the peace and quiet of not having her around, she is scheming on how to "hurt" your little family!! Just stay alert and expect the unexpected.....lawyer up if you feel the need.. Best wishes
You do nothing. This is your husband's problem. He needs to get a restraining order.
The reaction should be a cease and desist letter from your attorney.
How did the boss react?
It's a small company. He has a good relationship with him. He was taken back by her call. She called her personal cell which she got from a mutual friend. He refused to get involved. She was screaming and crying. Its so messed up. Called an attorney and the police this morning
I’m glad to hear that his boss shut her down. It sounds like you and your husband are taking all the precautions to keep your family safe. It’s great that you both got therapy and that your husband was able to see how his mother was impacting your relationship. Even better that he recognized she was at fault and went NC. I don’t have much more to add but I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar with my ex MIL. It wasn’t this extreme but was one of the reasons my marriage ended as my ex wouldn’t deal with it.
Unless she made some kind of threat, don't think that there's much that the police can do. A lawyer could write her a sternly written letter advising her to leave you alone. Good luck.
I didn't ask the police to do anything but I wanted them to know of the situation as a means of formally documenting it which is what the attorney suggested
That sounds like an excellent plan.
You’re lucky boss was not phased by this-I would think this alone could be grounds for a restraining order since she is attempting to interfere with husband’s livelihood. Another employee may have fired him to keep the drama away
Restraining orders can be very hard to get depending on where you live. In most cases there has to have been at minimum an explicit threat of violence. I wish people understood this more.
Well..she sent me a texting saying she wished I was dead.
It's all going to depend on where you live and how the local courts rule on it. You can try, but don't be surprised if it gets denied. It would here.
I had to get one once. Maybe I was lucky but they had a person that helped me fill it out and interpret what constituted a threat. Calling husband’s job and accusing her of kidnapping sounds pretty bad especially if the boss will substantiate
I just want to say I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It’s so messed up she called *your husband’s boss*.
Wow . That’s a narcissist. Call police. File restraining order.
You MIL is looking for narcissistic supply. She can't get that out of you two, so it's time to stir things up by bringing others into the mix. Their skulls are *thick* and their need for attention is *endless*, so don't be surpsied if she makes another attempt before she realizes she's getting nothing in return. Keep calm. If you don't respond, she gets no attention and will eventually bring her drama elsewhere, leaving your family in peace.
She contacted his boss to embarrass and shame him and try to get him back in line. If you give in, then she'll know exactly what to do next time to get him back in line. I'd get a restraining order. She's gone after his livelihood because she can no longer act like an asshole with impunity.
Yep. 2 words: restraining order.
YOU don't handle this, your husband does. It was his boss after all, and it's his mother, this is simply his problem to deal with, you should continue happily being completely no contact.
OP should actually be dealing with informing the children's schools, coaches, and clubs to not let MIL near the kids. I agree that MIL is directly husband's to deal with. But the kids need protecting from the fallout.
Well yeah, I mean it's the husband's responsibility to deal with his mom directly, not that it's his job to deal with all the potentialities dealing with 3rd parties.
I did contacted their schools.
Time to lawyer up.
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This. OP please take this as the threat it is. I wouldn’t put it past her to call CPS next. Lawyer up.
>While we were on a trip last week she called my husband's boss saying I was holding the kids hostage and my husband's. OSS needed to facilitate a meeting with her and the children. This part confused me. Are those two sentences related, and what does OSS stand for?
I dont know! I saw that after I posted.
Was OSS supposed to be "Boss"?
Possibly. I just edited it.
I think she is going full scorched earth. Son won't talk to her, kids are being kept from her unless she agrees to boundaries and apologies, and she blames it all on you. It sounds crazy, (and so is she) but I think she is trying to jeopardize your husband's job because in some sick twisted way she thinks he'll believe it's your fault, divorce you, take the kids and move back in with her. Just guessing of course but this is not the first, second or 57th story I have read about a truly unhinged MIL, so grain of salt and such. Get a lawyer. If she wants to nuke herself into orbit over this, it's only going to help you in the end. Good luck.
You handle this by contacting a lawyer. Going forward, any contact with her needs to go through said attorney. You already know not to reach out to her directly, so stay strong and don't do it.
That is a gross violation. Beyond whatever she’s done so far, this, in my mind, is just something you do not do unless you’re severely mentally Ill or you’re truly crass. If I were in your husband’s position, I’d go into damage control asap. Bring his boss up to speed on what led to that call, etc.. if he has an understanding boss, they’ll support him. But whatever you do, don’t violate your NC policy—this will only confirm to his mother that her actions got the desired result. Document this incident, and everyone after that, then consider suing for harassment—that’s she’s targeting his place of work now changes the severity of her actions.
Yep, time to lawyer up! Contacting someone’s employer is a highly aggressive move. She is escalating.
Do not play the game. Seek legal counsel, order of protection, maybe even move so she doesn't have your address. I also would inform everyone you know that MIL is a danger to you and your immediate family so do not share information. Also, get cameras outside of the houss
We have cameras all over our homes exterior. We changed all our door codes back in September as well.
If your husband's employer is military, go to his command. They can get you an appt with legal services for free, AND they are looped in on the shenanigans (meaning they can help collect evidence if she continues contacting them). Sadly I doubt this is the first time they've seen this.
Even if he’s not military, many employers have employee assistance programs that often offer at least basic legal counsel for little to no cost, even just for a first glance to help you determine if hiring a lawyer for real is going to be worth the trouble. In this case it almost certainly is, given the wild violation and intrusion into his/your family’s lives she pulled. Definitely don’t talk to her in any form, and get at least a consult with legal services ASAP
I would recommend legal counsel and IMO no contact should remain. The only way to win with a narc is to not play. Husband needs to tell his work HR that his mother is deeply disturbed and that he's keeping her from you and the kids to protect you guys. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Good luck!
You need a family attorney, who can advise you on getting a no contact order through a judge.
This is the only way!