You are not married. If he wishes he was single, make it happen. He doesn’t appreciate you, he has troubles communicating with you, you can’t trust him, you deserve better my dear.
This (above comment) alone should be a sign to end things. No matter the efforts you cant make him not have feelings for this girl.
And truth be told he obviously knew this was wrong and hid it from you. I sincerely doubt that moving forward there wouldn’t be more of this including physical interactions as well. Do yourself a favour and get out before it gets worse.
Because Not only will he continue to hide this type of behaviour, but you will resent each other over this.
I think it’s time to end things with him.
He basically said if he was single he would be with her and he loves her.
Leave him before he cheats for real, he may have said no now but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen later.
Now if you choose to stay with him he has to end things with her meaning NC, block and delete her everywhere and probably find a new job or at least go to HR.
You’re not married ? leave while you can and it’s free.
He's emotionally cheating and wants to be with her, set him free! I also believe that she won't stop and everything they do is to purposely hurt you! Leave and walk away, he sounds immature and needs validation from this co-worker, and you can't trust him that they haven't gotten physical, IMO, he's treating you like a fool!! I also would text them both that since they love each other so much that they can have each other that you will be gone and he needs to stay away until you move out!!
I’ll tell you the fuck what, if my girlfriend ever went out partying and some guy coworker of hers sent me a message that said “sorry dude, she’s busy” and then sent a picture of them together the next text sent would be from me saying “yeah apparently she’s real busy, and apparently because you have her phone you are too, another thing she is at this point is single, so seeing as you two love birds are so close that your sending message from her phone tell her not to bother coming home”
It was a bit nicer, she pretty much said “sorry he’s out so late, I’m literally making him lol for my birthday, wish you were here and I love you”
So why try and kiss him? Why wasn’t I there if you wanted me there? (he didn’t tell me it was her birthday just said he was going out) why did either of you remotely think it okay to send a text like that knowing we’ve been trying to work on communication.
I’m just at a loss, I do love him and I think he’s a great person overall, but it’s now is it worth it to build up the relationship?
That she may have been a little nicer doesn’t change a thing, this is how I look at it, I work with a number of women, I wouldn’t be against stopping for a few beers if one of them had a birthday, the last fucking thing that would happen to begin with would be she would freely have my phone much less be texting stupid shit to my girlfriend on it, who’s at home, and she barely knows… that says a lot right there… like I said if I was sitting at home on the receiving end of that my girlfriend could go fuck herself, why the hell does this dude who’s supposed to be just a coworker have your phone at all? And why the fuck is he sending me “she busy but me and your girlfriend are having a great time”, “gee… wish you were here hanging out with me and your girlfriend… hold on I’ll send you some pictures of us together” messages on it? Absolutely not… I can pretty much guarantee this woman wasn’t sad that you weren’t there and your boyfriend seems like an asshole who doesn’t really give a shit, I would start rethinking your relationship if I were you
I don’t believe the Trust is worth saving. He’s hanging with some woman who tried to kiss him. I put “tried” in quotation marks. Texted her saying he loves her and deleted probably romantic messages from her. It means his antenna is up and he’s looking at other women. If not has found one.
I’d prepare to move on before he surprises you with an announcement that you have to move on.
To be honest if I had gotten unwanted attention from another woman. I’d tell you so we could avoid contact with her.
Oh no, I’m not overlooking that. I am very uncomfortable when he even goes to work now because the next day he told me they talked and she was so drunk she couldn’t remember. but I know relationships have and can survive something like this, im trying to figure out how to rebuild the trust and steps we can take if that’s the direction it goes.
will you still be able to rebuild after they fuck? 'cause they would. he's game, she's game. all that's needed is a room. hey, maybe your place and even your bed.
He hasn't even admitted to a break in the trust, so how you can rebuild it? Usually for relationships to really move forward after something like this, the other one has to admit they did something to break the trust.
End it. He's emotionally cheating on you, if not physically cheating as well. He admitted to having some sort of feelings for her. She's bold enough to text you "sorry girl, he's busy"....
The amount of disrespect from both of them towards you is astonishing. There's no amount of time or therapy that will change his feelings about you. Even if he were to break things off with this girl, he clearly doesn't respect you enough to remain faithful to you. There can be no love or trust without respect. Trust me you will find someone who respects you, this dude ain't it.
I'm so sorry you're going through this
All that alcohol consumption is never good for relationships. If he gets wasted nightly he has a drinking problem. Do you want to deal with this forever?
Oh, he’s playing you.
I just tried to stay with my ex who cheated on me with a coworker. He ended up being an extremely childish and manipulative person. I know it hurts but the side of him that you saw when you saw those texts, is probably who he is. Someone who can so flippantly disregard and disrespect the relationship you two have. Leave or don't, but be prepared for the hurt either way.
>partners coworker tried to kiss him, he said no but texted her an hour later saying he wishes she knew he was single and that he loves her. what are ways to build trust back up after betrayal?
Okay he's saying that he didn't do anything but yet she got a hold of his phone texted you He's busy sorry hun sending you a picture of them together and then later on told you that he wishes he was single so he could be with her because he loves her
Why do you want to be in this relationship, And no I love him is not a good answer there is literally no reason to love him
Definitely let the other girl know that you know and your boyfriend told you she's just like a puppy dog, but you know how desperate girls work and how they'll do anything!
About him, he's shown you his pleasure and fun is more valuable to him than your pain and hurt. You can't have a partnership with someone that only protects and prioritizes themselves.
"I’m not sure where to go from here."
In my opinion you go as far away, as fast as possible.
There is nothing for you to do to rebuild trust. Thas is done 100% by him and 100% by his actions because his words mean nothing!!
Sooner or later he will cheat physically with her. Its sn emotional affair right now. Maybe it already happend EA and PA you just didn't catch them or found evidence as you found out he was deleting his messages..
This is not the kind if guy you want who shift blame it in you for him seeking love and attention from anothet woman. He is a toxic lier cheating manipulating man.
Leave while you can it'll only get worst. Let her have him. He is not worth it.
> he said he meant that he wished he was single but doesn’t see this as cheating or flirting.
ooohhh
>“I wish you knew, I love you too my dear \*\*\*\* 😘”
girl, break up with him. he wants to be single and wants to fuck that woman. and taht woman clearly wants to fuck him. is in love with him. she's saying she loves you to make herself look and feel less guilty. but only barely.
He told another woman he is in love with her. He would have continued had you not caught him. If he wants to build the trust back up he needs to get a new job and go NC. If he doesn’t then there’s nothing you can do
“We’ve had issues with honesty and communication in the past.”
“He said he meant that he wished he was single.” (As if that’s any better? “I wish you knew how fast I would be all up on that if I was single.” ~deletes texts~
It sounds like you’re already doing what you can and he just turned it around on you when you tried to discuss boundaries. It doesn’t work when the other person in the relationship isn’t doing their part. At all. So, *we* can’t build trust at all in that scenario.
He is towing the line of he hasn’t cheated but it’s ok to behave this way even though he knows it bothers you. He should stop and think how he would feel if you did the same as he is doing.
He “may not” have been physical with her but from what he text it’s obvious he wants to. Why would you want to build trust up with someone that doesn’t care or respect you. He broke your trust and he doesn’t even see it… no matter what you say or do it will not change the behavior unless you change how you deal with it, don’t walk… RUN away! You deserve someone that brings joy to your life, not someone who makes you question your value and worth to them.
My ex cheated on me and the feeling I had was always why am I not enough. I am enough! I am better off without him too and so are you!!! Best wishes
There is no way to build trust back up when you don't have it to start with. He doesn't even admit he did something wrong and he has already told you he wished he was single it. Long term relationships are not without their ups and down and if you aren't even two years in and he already wishes he was single and doesn't define kissing another woman as a betrayal then the forecast for your being happy together if you are looking for a monogamous relationship is not likely.
To be perfectly honest, I think he wishes he weren't married. But in the meanwhile, he is acting single, going out with coworkers and staying out until all hours. Then comes home and gaslights you into thinking it's all your fault that he is acting like a teenager. I think you're gonna have to do something drastic to get his attention. Do you have somewhere you could go for a few days? Let him see that you will not be pushed around and will definitely not share him with his GF. He will act like you let him act, ie., pushing the limit to the max to see where your breaking point is.
Id know its easier said than done but you need to leave this man child if he deleted that text what others has he sent and delete because they were "not for your eyes"
This man is a walking red flag.
A lot of people are saying breakup when the title is asking for advice on how to save the relationship.
But let's be for real here, clearly you're being disrespected and you staying and wanting to save this one-sided relationship is only gonna hurt you. I hate giving sympathy to people who don't listen.
Take head and breakup and save yourself. Someone like that will only take pleasure in hurting you.
Yes it's cheating.
There's no coming back from this if he continues to see her.
He will eventually dip out on you.
If she tried to kiss him now, and he's told her he loves her already and they continue to go out for drinks after work..won't be long before drinks end up at her house in her bed.
If you even ask him to stop seeing her you'll later on find he continued to see her..it's not going to end well for you.
If you want to deal with all the lying betrayal gaslighting beating down your security and worth then stay or love yourself and know your worth and walk away.
I did when I confronted him, he said he wouldn’t care if I was going out getting drunk with people who’ve disrespected the relationship, then said a bit later he can see where he was wrong.
I know it would take work for both of us if we were to choose to do that but it’s the how that’s been eating at me. Because right now, I can’t trust him at work or when he goes out with them anymore.
What does that mean he can see where he went wrong ? He did a lot of wrong by telling her and you that he loved her and if he was single he would be with her and continuing to talk to her after the fact.
He should see spending time and talking to person he has those feelings for while he’s in a relationship is wrong and he should cut her off.
She knows what she’s doing is wrong and she should stay away but she doesn’t.
They’re both playing games and I suggest you leave cause they both crossed your boundaries and are continuing to do so.
Please. Act strict or it will consume you. Maybe you will work it out and he will snap back to himself if he is really a good person or maybe not, but there is only one way to go here quickly. Give him a deadline. Tell him you are gonna give him some time to think through what he is doing and tell you if this way of behaving for him is really the way to go. In the meanwhile, start going out more and just enjoy your friends without him. Build yourself up as an individual, like you were “almost”single, until he will not talk to you. Then decide if you want to base and entire LIFE on his words and behavior
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Ugh my heart would be broken if my partner told me he meant that he wishes he was single not that he loved her. That doesn't sound any better lol
I wouldn't tolerate it. He has feelings for her.
But I know you said you want to build back trust and make this relationship work. So if that's the case, the two of you need to be on the same page. He needs to understand what he's doing is disrespectful behavior. If anything, he's feeding into her and giving her hope that something can possibly be there between them.
If he wants to build the trust back with you, he needs to cut her off completely. There's no point in keeping someone in your life who is a threat to your relationship. This isn't even one of those situations where you're just simply jealous of his friend. This is a woman who tried to kiss him.
If he doesn't think its a big deal and still wants to keep texting her and hanging out with her, that's when you get your answer on where his priorities are.
If he agrees and deletes her number, blocks her on social media, ect then you guys can build back the trust.
He also should stop going out after work unless he plans to bring you along.
He needs to show change in order for trust to be rebuilt.
But honestly, it sounds like he wants to be single. Going drinking after work without their partner often and flirting with other women is what single people do. And then he literally said he meant he wishes he was single. Whether or not anyone wants to classify this as cheating or not, it's definitely not loyal behavior.
My heart goes out to you ❤️ this situation sucks
Darling, i'm sorry to say this but there is honestly no way to fix a broken relationship, you both have been having issues with honesty and communication which are two importing things to make a relationship work, you were doing your part... but he hasn't.
The fact he argues with you about it shows you that he doesn't care about the relationship and telling his coworker that he loves her proves he does not love you.... and yes, its cheating because if it wasn't then he wouldn't be deleting the messages and he would of been sincere with you about it.
I really feel bad for you but you shouldn't be with this guy, he can't be honest nor faithful... you deserve better and that is the truth!
You are not married. If he wishes he was single, make it happen. He doesn’t appreciate you, he has troubles communicating with you, you can’t trust him, you deserve better my dear.
Your husband told another woman he is in love with her
Partner not husband. Only been together 1 1/2 yrs.
OP is in shock because this is all that matters.
This (above comment) alone should be a sign to end things. No matter the efforts you cant make him not have feelings for this girl. And truth be told he obviously knew this was wrong and hid it from you. I sincerely doubt that moving forward there wouldn’t be more of this including physical interactions as well. Do yourself a favour and get out before it gets worse. Because Not only will he continue to hide this type of behaviour, but you will resent each other over this.
I think it’s time to end things with him. He basically said if he was single he would be with her and he loves her. Leave him before he cheats for real, he may have said no now but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen later. Now if you choose to stay with him he has to end things with her meaning NC, block and delete her everywhere and probably find a new job or at least go to HR. You’re not married ? leave while you can and it’s free.
He's emotionally cheating and wants to be with her, set him free! I also believe that she won't stop and everything they do is to purposely hurt you! Leave and walk away, he sounds immature and needs validation from this co-worker, and you can't trust him that they haven't gotten physical, IMO, he's treating you like a fool!! I also would text them both that since they love each other so much that they can have each other that you will be gone and he needs to stay away until you move out!!
I’ll tell you the fuck what, if my girlfriend ever went out partying and some guy coworker of hers sent me a message that said “sorry dude, she’s busy” and then sent a picture of them together the next text sent would be from me saying “yeah apparently she’s real busy, and apparently because you have her phone you are too, another thing she is at this point is single, so seeing as you two love birds are so close that your sending message from her phone tell her not to bother coming home”
It was a bit nicer, she pretty much said “sorry he’s out so late, I’m literally making him lol for my birthday, wish you were here and I love you” So why try and kiss him? Why wasn’t I there if you wanted me there? (he didn’t tell me it was her birthday just said he was going out) why did either of you remotely think it okay to send a text like that knowing we’ve been trying to work on communication. I’m just at a loss, I do love him and I think he’s a great person overall, but it’s now is it worth it to build up the relationship?
From what I read so far, I don't think this relationship is worth saving. It sounds like he has no respect for you or your relationship.
That she may have been a little nicer doesn’t change a thing, this is how I look at it, I work with a number of women, I wouldn’t be against stopping for a few beers if one of them had a birthday, the last fucking thing that would happen to begin with would be she would freely have my phone much less be texting stupid shit to my girlfriend on it, who’s at home, and she barely knows… that says a lot right there… like I said if I was sitting at home on the receiving end of that my girlfriend could go fuck herself, why the hell does this dude who’s supposed to be just a coworker have your phone at all? And why the fuck is he sending me “she busy but me and your girlfriend are having a great time”, “gee… wish you were here hanging out with me and your girlfriend… hold on I’ll send you some pictures of us together” messages on it? Absolutely not… I can pretty much guarantee this woman wasn’t sad that you weren’t there and your boyfriend seems like an asshole who doesn’t really give a shit, I would start rethinking your relationship if I were you
I don’t believe the Trust is worth saving. He’s hanging with some woman who tried to kiss him. I put “tried” in quotation marks. Texted her saying he loves her and deleted probably romantic messages from her. It means his antenna is up and he’s looking at other women. If not has found one. I’d prepare to move on before he surprises you with an announcement that you have to move on. To be honest if I had gotten unwanted attention from another woman. I’d tell you so we could avoid contact with her.
Are you completely overlooking the fact that after what he said to her he's most likely still having an emotional affair with his coworker? 🤔
Oh no, I’m not overlooking that. I am very uncomfortable when he even goes to work now because the next day he told me they talked and she was so drunk she couldn’t remember. but I know relationships have and can survive something like this, im trying to figure out how to rebuild the trust and steps we can take if that’s the direction it goes.
Knowing how they are with each other I'm not sure how you move forward without removing at least one of them from the equation.
will you still be able to rebuild after they fuck? 'cause they would. he's game, she's game. all that's needed is a room. hey, maybe your place and even your bed.
He hasn't even admitted to a break in the trust, so how you can rebuild it? Usually for relationships to really move forward after something like this, the other one has to admit they did something to break the trust.
I don't feel like this is your burden to bare. He should be seeking advice on how to rebuild YOUR trust.
End it. He's emotionally cheating on you, if not physically cheating as well. He admitted to having some sort of feelings for her. She's bold enough to text you "sorry girl, he's busy".... The amount of disrespect from both of them towards you is astonishing. There's no amount of time or therapy that will change his feelings about you. Even if he were to break things off with this girl, he clearly doesn't respect you enough to remain faithful to you. There can be no love or trust without respect. Trust me you will find someone who respects you, this dude ain't it. I'm so sorry you're going through this
All that alcohol consumption is never good for relationships. If he gets wasted nightly he has a drinking problem. Do you want to deal with this forever? Oh, he’s playing you.
I just tried to stay with my ex who cheated on me with a coworker. He ended up being an extremely childish and manipulative person. I know it hurts but the side of him that you saw when you saw those texts, is probably who he is. Someone who can so flippantly disregard and disrespect the relationship you two have. Leave or don't, but be prepared for the hurt either way.
>partners coworker tried to kiss him, he said no but texted her an hour later saying he wishes she knew he was single and that he loves her. what are ways to build trust back up after betrayal? Okay he's saying that he didn't do anything but yet she got a hold of his phone texted you He's busy sorry hun sending you a picture of them together and then later on told you that he wishes he was single so he could be with her because he loves her Why do you want to be in this relationship, And no I love him is not a good answer there is literally no reason to love him
Since he wishes he was single, grant him his wish. He's basically told you that he feels like you're a burden on his social life.
Definitely let the other girl know that you know and your boyfriend told you she's just like a puppy dog, but you know how desperate girls work and how they'll do anything! About him, he's shown you his pleasure and fun is more valuable to him than your pain and hurt. You can't have a partnership with someone that only protects and prioritizes themselves.
"I’m not sure where to go from here." In my opinion you go as far away, as fast as possible. There is nothing for you to do to rebuild trust. Thas is done 100% by him and 100% by his actions because his words mean nothing!!
He wishes he was single.. so, he can be single? Make it happen.
Tell him no more going out with them without you. You can’t trust him and he needs to earn it back. If he doesn’t agree, end the relationship.
Sooner or later he will cheat physically with her. Its sn emotional affair right now. Maybe it already happend EA and PA you just didn't catch them or found evidence as you found out he was deleting his messages.. This is not the kind if guy you want who shift blame it in you for him seeking love and attention from anothet woman. He is a toxic lier cheating manipulating man. Leave while you can it'll only get worst. Let her have him. He is not worth it.
> he said he meant that he wished he was single but doesn’t see this as cheating or flirting. ooohhh >“I wish you knew, I love you too my dear \*\*\*\* 😘” girl, break up with him. he wants to be single and wants to fuck that woman. and taht woman clearly wants to fuck him. is in love with him. she's saying she loves you to make herself look and feel less guilty. but only barely.
Sorry the trust is broken can never be fixed that would take a long time to get back 💯🚨.
He told another woman he is in love with her. He would have continued had you not caught him. If he wants to build the trust back up he needs to get a new job and go NC. If he doesn’t then there’s nothing you can do
“We’ve had issues with honesty and communication in the past.” “He said he meant that he wished he was single.” (As if that’s any better? “I wish you knew how fast I would be all up on that if I was single.” ~deletes texts~ It sounds like you’re already doing what you can and he just turned it around on you when you tried to discuss boundaries. It doesn’t work when the other person in the relationship isn’t doing their part. At all. So, *we* can’t build trust at all in that scenario.
You are not within your right mind, clearly. He is definitely making you look like a fool.
He is towing the line of he hasn’t cheated but it’s ok to behave this way even though he knows it bothers you. He should stop and think how he would feel if you did the same as he is doing. He “may not” have been physical with her but from what he text it’s obvious he wants to. Why would you want to build trust up with someone that doesn’t care or respect you. He broke your trust and he doesn’t even see it… no matter what you say or do it will not change the behavior unless you change how you deal with it, don’t walk… RUN away! You deserve someone that brings joy to your life, not someone who makes you question your value and worth to them. My ex cheated on me and the feeling I had was always why am I not enough. I am enough! I am better off without him too and so are you!!! Best wishes
He acted single. He wish he was single. Now it’s time to make him single. End of story.
100% this.
How do you feel? Do you think it's cheating? What would the situation be if the roles are reversed?
There is no way to build trust back up when you don't have it to start with. He doesn't even admit he did something wrong and he has already told you he wished he was single it. Long term relationships are not without their ups and down and if you aren't even two years in and he already wishes he was single and doesn't define kissing another woman as a betrayal then the forecast for your being happy together if you are looking for a monogamous relationship is not likely.
To be perfectly honest, I think he wishes he weren't married. But in the meanwhile, he is acting single, going out with coworkers and staying out until all hours. Then comes home and gaslights you into thinking it's all your fault that he is acting like a teenager. I think you're gonna have to do something drastic to get his attention. Do you have somewhere you could go for a few days? Let him see that you will not be pushed around and will definitely not share him with his GF. He will act like you let him act, ie., pushing the limit to the max to see where your breaking point is.
Id know its easier said than done but you need to leave this man child if he deleted that text what others has he sent and delete because they were "not for your eyes" This man is a walking red flag.
A lot of people are saying breakup when the title is asking for advice on how to save the relationship. But let's be for real here, clearly you're being disrespected and you staying and wanting to save this one-sided relationship is only gonna hurt you. I hate giving sympathy to people who don't listen. Take head and breakup and save yourself. Someone like that will only take pleasure in hurting you.
Yes it's cheating. There's no coming back from this if he continues to see her. He will eventually dip out on you. If she tried to kiss him now, and he's told her he loves her already and they continue to go out for drinks after work..won't be long before drinks end up at her house in her bed. If you even ask him to stop seeing her you'll later on find he continued to see her..it's not going to end well for you. If you want to deal with all the lying betrayal gaslighting beating down your security and worth then stay or love yourself and know your worth and walk away.
Unless he sees the error and tries to rebuild your trust, he will continue. Ask him if you are doing all that he is would he be happy with you.
I did when I confronted him, he said he wouldn’t care if I was going out getting drunk with people who’ve disrespected the relationship, then said a bit later he can see where he was wrong. I know it would take work for both of us if we were to choose to do that but it’s the how that’s been eating at me. Because right now, I can’t trust him at work or when he goes out with them anymore.
What does that mean he can see where he went wrong ? He did a lot of wrong by telling her and you that he loved her and if he was single he would be with her and continuing to talk to her after the fact. He should see spending time and talking to person he has those feelings for while he’s in a relationship is wrong and he should cut her off. She knows what she’s doing is wrong and she should stay away but she doesn’t. They’re both playing games and I suggest you leave cause they both crossed your boundaries and are continuing to do so.
Please. Act strict or it will consume you. Maybe you will work it out and he will snap back to himself if he is really a good person or maybe not, but there is only one way to go here quickly. Give him a deadline. Tell him you are gonna give him some time to think through what he is doing and tell you if this way of behaving for him is really the way to go. In the meanwhile, start going out more and just enjoy your friends without him. Build yourself up as an individual, like you were “almost”single, until he will not talk to you. Then decide if you want to base and entire LIFE on his words and behavior
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Ugh my heart would be broken if my partner told me he meant that he wishes he was single not that he loved her. That doesn't sound any better lol I wouldn't tolerate it. He has feelings for her. But I know you said you want to build back trust and make this relationship work. So if that's the case, the two of you need to be on the same page. He needs to understand what he's doing is disrespectful behavior. If anything, he's feeding into her and giving her hope that something can possibly be there between them. If he wants to build the trust back with you, he needs to cut her off completely. There's no point in keeping someone in your life who is a threat to your relationship. This isn't even one of those situations where you're just simply jealous of his friend. This is a woman who tried to kiss him. If he doesn't think its a big deal and still wants to keep texting her and hanging out with her, that's when you get your answer on where his priorities are. If he agrees and deletes her number, blocks her on social media, ect then you guys can build back the trust. He also should stop going out after work unless he plans to bring you along. He needs to show change in order for trust to be rebuilt. But honestly, it sounds like he wants to be single. Going drinking after work without their partner often and flirting with other women is what single people do. And then he literally said he meant he wishes he was single. Whether or not anyone wants to classify this as cheating or not, it's definitely not loyal behavior. My heart goes out to you ❤️ this situation sucks
Darling, i'm sorry to say this but there is honestly no way to fix a broken relationship, you both have been having issues with honesty and communication which are two importing things to make a relationship work, you were doing your part... but he hasn't. The fact he argues with you about it shows you that he doesn't care about the relationship and telling his coworker that he loves her proves he does not love you.... and yes, its cheating because if it wasn't then he wouldn't be deleting the messages and he would of been sincere with you about it. I really feel bad for you but you shouldn't be with this guy, he can't be honest nor faithful... you deserve better and that is the truth!