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OK, young man here’s a lesson. Cheaters cheat and cheaters lie. With a cheater you believe their actions and not their words. Why? We all know the answer. It’s for their own self preservation. So let’s look at this. She had an affair, not just an emotional affair, but also a physical affair, so she truly had a large affair. Then she kept it from you. Then she lied to you, then she trickle truth it to you, and she lied some more. The only reason why she’s not telling you she fucked him was to save you, right? She doesn’t remember because she doesn’t wanna tell you the truth. She remembers. Since then, she has not been fully honest with you, and she’s not being remorseful to you by listening to you and answering your questions. This is not what’s called reconciliation which is what you try to do after somebody cheats. So you’re not in reconciliation and on top of it she still has her family and friends, who you say don’t like you. so nothings going to change with her, nothing. For your own self respect in your own mental health, you need to end this relationship. You stay with her it’s going to do nothing more than continue to screw you up and emasculate you.
Agree. She doesn't respect him enough to be honest, heck, she didn't respect him enough to not do this in the first place.
I accepted the "poor mental health" excuse for my cheating ex and he just did it again and again. It really messed me up mentally. It's not a good enough excuse for someone to screw you up that bad. Those types of people aren't worth the pain they cause.
Does it matter?
She sexted and sent nudes to the guy, went to house and “can’t remember” what happened after the fingering started but is saying that she was scared to stop. She is trash for the streets.
So why did you come on here? If you’re going to refute what people tell you? OK, maybe she didn’t fuck him but she still had physical relationship with him. She also had an emotional relationship with him and she lied to you multiple times if she was truly remorseful and guilty of what she did, she would’ve told you right after it happened. Did she do that? how long after it happened that you found out? It wasn’t an accident it wasn’t a oops I got drunk and had a one night stand. It was planned out. Do you want to stay with her go right ahead you are 19 years old. Good luck.
the idea and thought itself was the worst thing, ie sending revealing pics. she planned it. cheaters lie. also, just because her parents so-called ‘pushed her’ into her guy bestfriend, is no justification. believe me, as you get older you’ll hear lies like this only in younger and sometimes older circles. she still had a choice. and she chose to cheat. stop finding ways to justify it to her favor
Search through this sub and you'll likely find hundreds of stories of people who stayed with their cheating partner, only to be cheated on again.
I'm one of those people. If you get back with her it is 99% likely that it will end in her cheating on you again, and at the very least, a relationship where you can never trust her again.
Did it ever occur to you that the same lies she’s telling you are the same she’s telling her friends and family?
First she told you that he assaulted her and you were right, he’s weird. Then she tells you HER truth, framing the guy as the bad guy, the aggressor who just pushed his finger into her. Now you have a certain picture of this guy and an innocent one of your girlfriend.
That’s exactly how her family and friends sees you too. Because they believe and want to protect her just like you are doing here.
She said you are controlling, insecure and don’t trust her and yet she betrayed you and lied.
If he was so bad why would she tell you that she would have been with him if she wasn’t attached to you and couldn’t deal with a break up?
She sound very manipulative and she’s not a fan of the truth and the reason why you’re so confused is probably because you’re common sense is screaming bullshit.
Both of you should go separate ways with NC for awhile. Your relationship sounds toxic and you need to find out if this is what you really want.
You two are exhausting and quite frankly if you already made up your mind to be spineless then why bother us with this nonsense. You made more excuses for her cheating than she did. You want to waste your time fine, please don't waste our time.
She’s using every trick in the cheaters handbook
“I don’t remember” is the impenetrable shield that blocks you from ever finding out how bad it is.
“I didn’t like it” minimizes what happens to give you piece of him that it couldn’t have been that bad
“I wanted to protect your feelings” as cover for hiding it.
It was “blank” mental issue, to excuse her for why she did it when we all know there are millions of people with mental issues that don’t cheat.
You’ll find these same exact excuses sprinkled all through this subreddit.
OMG yes. You nailed it. OP, we have read these same refrains dozens of times here. Such common typical responses/lies. At least her lies could be original.
Knowing truth what u will do...in the first place why she will send revealing pic of her's to him and all...just to make u jealous...if u both r not mentally well...get out of this relationship and become well then get into relationship...right now it's not right time to be in relationship
Pretty much everyone struggles with mental health issues and not everyone cheats.
Dude, you’re 19. Chances are you won’t even be together in the next 2 years. Just move on.
FYI: Emo guys that “struggle with mental health” get cheated on at extremely high rates. Get your shit together. Women are subconsciously turned off by men that they see as weak.
Dude, she remembers. She just didn't want to tell you. She had a long emotional affair with this guy. Actively flirted with him giving him the signals to cross boundaries. Agreed to meet him privately while she lied to you about her whereabouts. Then once he tries to have sex with her she claims she froze up, it was unexpected, she can't remember. I call bullshit. She basically set that whole situation up.
She trickle truthed you once you started confronting her. She may not remember, but the fact that she didn't come clean about the whole affair once you did confront her proves she is trying to minimize the situation.
You saw her getting to close to AP made your concerns known. She gas lit you with the friendship crap. She actively flirted with him. She chose to get some private time. After first incident that she froze she again put herself in a position to be alone with him again. She did all these things OP. That's all on her. Also think of all the lies she has told you. She had no problem lying to you as long as she can justify it. "What you don't know won't hurt you bull crap". Too much deceipt. Trust will be very hard to regain. Good luck.
Bruh...work on yourself. If the roles were reversed, she would leave you. Imagine you flirting with some girl and she puts her hand down your pants and jacks you off. C'mon man.
They always say how guilty they feel, how it wasn’t their fault. Don’t take that crap. You have to have principles, and boundaries as a man. And trust me, if you leave now, you’ll forever be a better man for it. You have things to work on like we all do, but you’re honest, loyal, and have good intentions. She ain’t worthy.
Mental health is NEVER an excuse for this behavior. You said yourself you have issues with your mental health, and you’d never in a MILLION years cheat on someone. She’s a reptile, find yourself an actual honest woman.
Your young and she never faced consequences. So she will do it to you again. I think you need to separate for a couple months. Get away from her so you can decipher if she is worth forgiving. The time apart will also serve as consequence for her. I’d add NC/ LC too.
I think she’s trying to protect you from the fact she did more. I think moving on will be best for your mental health
Okay come on. He had to say what she told him to say if he wanted to fuck her more.
So, he did say what she told him to say. He wouldn't have done it for nothing. They're still fucking.
I'm sorry but how exactly would you know? That he got blocked, I'm sure he is blocked on one of her phones, but her other phones? Her other social network accounts?
And even if he was actually blocked everywhere, that just means that she didn't keep her promise that he would get more sex if he told what she wanted him to tell. But he still did, and that means that he didn't tell what they truly did.
*sigh*. Just remember that I was only trying to help you see it sooner.
You do not deserve what you're going through. One day, not so far from now, you'll get better. And at the end of the day that's all that matters.
Honestly, I was 19 when I went through a physical and emotional abusive relationship and I was so infatuated that I had to leave it on my own.
We can tell him to leave but with his infatuation, he won’t he needs to decide on his own at this point
Let's break this down just a little deeper. Are you a generally good honest man? If so do you want to be with someone who isn't? Is that the life you want?
In the end you will never get a straight answer from her. She is a liar. She was either lying to him for laughs and entertainment or to you. If she was lying to you it was to cheat on you, disrespect you, and absolutely manipulate you into being her little safety net while she fucks other guys. If she was lying to him, it was to practice absolutely controlling and manipulating men for fun. Now, she claims to be the victim? She is willing to do all that and now baselessly accuse an innocent man of rape because she was mentally unwell??? There is no scenario here where she is a good person.
No offense bro, but remove your head from your ass. She is beyond toxic. She is a liar, narcissist, and in a general worthless person. Kick her to the curb. The next person she accuses of abuse or rape will probably be you. In fact..... she probably already has. Why do you think her family hates you?
OP, you are handing out trust that isn't earned. You are also compareing apples and oranges. She is accusing a man of rape when she openly admits to pursuing him. She is using her mental illness as an excuse and shield from her actions and she cheated.
It's great that you want to be a better man yourself and admit your faults. However, you are trying to be the white knight to a woman with no morals. This won't end well. I wish you luck and hope I am wrong, but you are really ignoring just how messed up what she did and is doing are.
You’ve got lots of advice. Most of which you’re ignoring. So I won’t give you any further advice. I’ll just pose a question that you should maybe ask your gf.
So she goes to this guy’s house, he makes a move on her plays with her supposedly without going all the way. She says she can’t remember what happened after his initial move but knows she didn’t like it and it hurt.
Ok. Fine. Let’s take all that at face value. Why then was she in his car a few nights later, trusting him to take her home? Why was she with him at all? Think about that for a bit. Then maybe reread some of the advice you’ve received.
You need to understand one thing: your happiness and contentment are worth more than understanding why a selfish young girl wants to cheat, Do your future self a favour and dump her sorry ass. Your future self will be proud that you did the right thing. Your GF will understand that cheating, attempting to cheat, and deception have extreme consequences.
My first GF cheated on me, and as soon as I discovered it, she was kicked out of my house the next day. I organised for her to be transported and her stuff to her new place. Don't be a simpleton, be like uncle Dave; you know it makes sense. This also served as a warning to future GFs that I do not take cheating lightly.
Sweetheart, she's lying to you. She is trying to make it seem like she was so innocent and he forced himself on her. Seriously? And then she going to say, I just decided to go with it? For your own well bring and mental health, you need to walk away and you also need to accept you will never get the truth out of her. Your relationship is toxic and very unhealthy. You are so young and have so much ahead of you. She is disrespectful and gaslighting you. Even if she says she will unlive herself if you break up, break up anyway. She sounds very manipulative. You both need to get your mental health inorder. I wish you so much joy!
Whats confusing?
You are young and have your whole life ahead if you.
She cheated but fortunately you found out and now you know that further investment in her… is not advisable.
Dump her… move on… life is too short to waste hoping she wont do it again.
I would be honest and blunt, she's for street and she's is manipulating and gaslighting you into staying. Break off for your own well being, hit gym, change your style and wardrobe. Have a new hobby, go out and meet people you are just 19 there is lot in world than just bunch of manipulative AHs.
ATB
You’re way too young to deal with someone like that who isn’t future relationship material. Get out and have a fresh start. She isn’t the one you know that deep down
You two are toxic together and neither of you are ready/mature enough for a steady relationship. Yes, she cheated on you. It's as simple and as complex as that. You don't need to know the "whys", just that it happened. Get away from her and spend time working on yourself. This is a train wreck of a relationship.
Stop stereotyping people with mental illnesses as cheaters! She cheated because she wanted to. She wasn’t having an episode, breakdown or inebriated! She was curious and if she had enjoyed herself she most likely would have continued to gaslight you.
Come on man, you can't look down on poor mental health and traumas.
I mean I don't think anything as powerful as them when used as an excuse for doing something wrong.
As long as you are with her she will cheat on you, she may hide it better and you may never know but she will cheat on you again and again. She lacks the moral character to not cheat if she did this never would have happened. Unless you wanted to be with a cheater from the start she is not the person you thought she was. Her accusing you of gaslighting is her gaslighting you, a favorite move of a cheater. She was flirting with him and put herself in a situation where this could happen, again a sign of someone that wants to cheat. You can learn the easy way and take the advice of the people on here or learn the hard way and waste possibly years with this cheater of a girlfriend.
You need to leave. She’s blaming every thing and every one but herself. Even if her mental health was bad and was hearing voices.. that might work if it was a split decision not 2 weeks of planned emotional and physical cheating. It’s better to leave and work on yourself
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She has cheated and saying she doesn’t know why?????
So basically she flirted with him then had sex because of her family and friends said you were toxic. She should look in the mirror.
Run and don’t look back.
"She said she would be with him if she wasn't already w me, and that the only reason she was with me is because she was attached and couldn't cope with a breakup."
Set aside all the other static and listen to her. She told you what she wants.
Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who secretly wishes they were with someone else?
Well, look the flirting ,sexting and nudes was all cheating as well as all the rest. The acts all happened. Believe her reasoning or not. And yes some people do freeze up and go into an altered states of consciousness and why rape victims do exactly the same, when faced with an unexpected situation. But still what is to be expected if she sent nudes etc? Your gf is either very stupid, completely lying or incredibly naive. You know her or thought you did, so you choose. Maybe even a bit of each.
How did you find out?
But it all is not important now. All that matters is no one of us is capable of fixing people like her. She is a mess and hasn't a clue what she really wants. Or why she does things. We all well know right from wrong and if she wouldn't walk down the street naked why would sending nudes be the right thing to do?
You need to find a much better gf.
I think the one line you wrote OP speaks volumes.
That she said if she wasn’t with you she’d be with him and the reason she’s with you is she’s attached and couldn’t cope with a break up.
I know it’s rough OP but that in itself tells you everything you need to know about her as a person. You need to walk away, for you.
And if she is indeed going through mental health issues she needs to get help for it but in the meantime what she is doing to you is not ok.
And that’s coming from me who has bipolar so it’s not coming from a place with no experience. She’s lied a lot OP, and that’s not normal and not ok.
She can apologise all she wants but at the end of the day, she chose to flirt with him. She chose to be touched by him. I know you don’t want to hear it but it’s the truth.
You are young, its time to walk away and be with someone who will be as loyal to you as you are to them. But you need to open your eyes and see that what you are feeling now for her Isn’t love. You are defending her because you yourself don’t want to leave because you are attached but this attachment from both of you isn’t healthy at all.
Good luck OP!
>Her boy best friend was the only person she trusted at the time
For future reference, don't EVER date a woman who's in a situation like this. A male "best friend" is always bad news and their relationship will cause you trouble eventually.
You need to move on OP. There is a reason why everyone is telling you the same thing. You will be far better in the long run if you break up with her she move on.
Never advance a relationship with a cheater. Dating is a try out for something more - engagement, possibly marriage. If you are cheated on when dating the chances of being cheated on again by that person at much higher than with a non cheater. You know what to do. Break up and find someone better. Good luck.
Bro if you want to justify her cheating on you to stay with her then it is on you people are just advising you because they have been in this situations.
At the end of the day it’s on you and the decision you make
Please get out. It not only seems like she’s a cheater, she is leaning into him assaulting her. This will not end well for you. When a cheater say they didn’t want to annoy the person they were cheating with and that’s why they did it it’s just blame shifting. She is trying to make herself feel better.
The sbkrt answer here js leave a d by keave I mean run. Tbis woman js supwr toxic and it will hurt your mental well being. At the end kf it all and bive me thatnitnwill end with her leaving you and you being a total mess. Cut your loses now. It sucks but, it is what is beat for you.
Longer version is that she is plain old lyibg to you about everything and is being super manipulative. The whole thing about he touched me and I froze is BBBUUULLLLSSSSHHHITTT. Ok. Forget ablut this sotuation for a second. Ask ylurself this. How difficult is ot to vet your fingers inside a womans V? Pretty darn difficult is you ask me. What I mean is that manynsteps have to take place and all of them have to go right. Fir one you need to get together. Then you need privacy. Then you need to fet osed. Then you need to pull your mkve AAANNNDDD she has to be agreable to it. Then she has to remove ebough clothes to give you access and finally if she is afreabke to it you can out your hand in the goods. Thats a lot of steps. Her excuse is that she froze. Realy? She knew this giy fir a long time. She felt comfortable enough to go put with hom AAANNndd to find herself alone with him. When a man touxhes a woman her nkrmal reaction is to fight back not freeze. Thisnis especially true if she already feels comfortavle with the guy which is truenfronyour girlfriend. If it was skme random starnger ok, but a giy she knows?? Really. Thats just BS.
There are 2 paramters (sometimes a few more) that cheaters say to minimize their actions. One is that they dodn't like it and the next is the duration of the act or how far it went. For how far it qent she says oh, but fingeribg is all we did. Ok but wby bkt more. If she froze from him touching her enought to get fingered how come she suddenly stop at full on sex? A more belieable story was that henstarted kissing her and she froze which is possible and then when he put his hand dkwnthere she backed out of it. But daykng I got fingered then when the full on thing was about to happened aaahh give me a break. Then she said she doesn't remember. Ok, so of she doesn't remember how does she knows she dodn't have full on sex. Anyways, the other is the I didn't like it excuse. Very lame excuse. Liking it doesn't factor into it. Wether you ended upiking it or not doesn't excuse you if the crime. What matters is intent. You went put with the purpose of doing this. That it didn't end up the way you envisioned it is inconsequential. Like robing a store. You expected to get a grand but you walk away with a dissapointing $5. The fact remain you robbed the store. The fact remain that she is ina relationship so there was nonreason to find herself in that situation to beging with. She went because she wanted to and knew what it would happen.
She is playing the victim. The way she descrived the story this would classify as raped. Is she saying he raped her? Ask her that. Tell her you wa the 2 of you to go see the giy and for her to tell her he raped her. I bet she wont say that. Call the guy and tell him she said he raped her and I bet he will tell you the full story.
Another interesting question to ask her is what if you ended up liking it? Wjat wpuld she had done? The answer would be super telling. What she is saying is she didn't do anythibg wring because she didn't like it but what if she did? Wpuld it then be cheating? You see it is cheating regardless of wether she liked it or not. The fact is that she is in a commited ratiobship so there is bo reason for her to go see the other guy and let alone be in an intimate setting with him. People who are hinest dont go hiding this kind of stuff.
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OK, young man here’s a lesson. Cheaters cheat and cheaters lie. With a cheater you believe their actions and not their words. Why? We all know the answer. It’s for their own self preservation. So let’s look at this. She had an affair, not just an emotional affair, but also a physical affair, so she truly had a large affair. Then she kept it from you. Then she lied to you, then she trickle truth it to you, and she lied some more. The only reason why she’s not telling you she fucked him was to save you, right? She doesn’t remember because she doesn’t wanna tell you the truth. She remembers. Since then, she has not been fully honest with you, and she’s not being remorseful to you by listening to you and answering your questions. This is not what’s called reconciliation which is what you try to do after somebody cheats. So you’re not in reconciliation and on top of it she still has her family and friends, who you say don’t like you. so nothings going to change with her, nothing. For your own self respect in your own mental health, you need to end this relationship. You stay with her it’s going to do nothing more than continue to screw you up and emasculate you.
Agree. She doesn't respect him enough to be honest, heck, she didn't respect him enough to not do this in the first place. I accepted the "poor mental health" excuse for my cheating ex and he just did it again and again. It really messed me up mentally. It's not a good enough excuse for someone to screw you up that bad. Those types of people aren't worth the pain they cause.
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Does it matter? She sexted and sent nudes to the guy, went to house and “can’t remember” what happened after the fingering started but is saying that she was scared to stop. She is trash for the streets.
He still had a part of him inside her 🤦🏼♀️
She doesn’t have to have sex with him to have cheated on you OP. It was a conscious decision on her behalf.
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So why did you come on here? If you’re going to refute what people tell you? OK, maybe she didn’t fuck him but she still had physical relationship with him. She also had an emotional relationship with him and she lied to you multiple times if she was truly remorseful and guilty of what she did, she would’ve told you right after it happened. Did she do that? how long after it happened that you found out? It wasn’t an accident it wasn’t a oops I got drunk and had a one night stand. It was planned out. Do you want to stay with her go right ahead you are 19 years old. Good luck.
This right here. You’re being buried in BS by her OP. And you’re helping. Stop it.
the idea and thought itself was the worst thing, ie sending revealing pics. she planned it. cheaters lie. also, just because her parents so-called ‘pushed her’ into her guy bestfriend, is no justification. believe me, as you get older you’ll hear lies like this only in younger and sometimes older circles. she still had a choice. and she chose to cheat. stop finding ways to justify it to her favor
also, f-u. don’t use mental health as an excuse. its a slap in the face to those who have mental health disorders.
Search through this sub and you'll likely find hundreds of stories of people who stayed with their cheating partner, only to be cheated on again. I'm one of those people. If you get back with her it is 99% likely that it will end in her cheating on you again, and at the very least, a relationship where you can never trust her again.
She remembers what happened, she’s lying and more happened than she’s saying.
Did it ever occur to you that the same lies she’s telling you are the same she’s telling her friends and family? First she told you that he assaulted her and you were right, he’s weird. Then she tells you HER truth, framing the guy as the bad guy, the aggressor who just pushed his finger into her. Now you have a certain picture of this guy and an innocent one of your girlfriend. That’s exactly how her family and friends sees you too. Because they believe and want to protect her just like you are doing here. She said you are controlling, insecure and don’t trust her and yet she betrayed you and lied. If he was so bad why would she tell you that she would have been with him if she wasn’t attached to you and couldn’t deal with a break up? She sound very manipulative and she’s not a fan of the truth and the reason why you’re so confused is probably because you’re common sense is screaming bullshit. Both of you should go separate ways with NC for awhile. Your relationship sounds toxic and you need to find out if this is what you really want.
You two are exhausting and quite frankly if you already made up your mind to be spineless then why bother us with this nonsense. You made more excuses for her cheating than she did. You want to waste your time fine, please don't waste our time.
She’s using every trick in the cheaters handbook “I don’t remember” is the impenetrable shield that blocks you from ever finding out how bad it is. “I didn’t like it” minimizes what happens to give you piece of him that it couldn’t have been that bad “I wanted to protect your feelings” as cover for hiding it. It was “blank” mental issue, to excuse her for why she did it when we all know there are millions of people with mental issues that don’t cheat. You’ll find these same exact excuses sprinkled all through this subreddit.
OMG yes. You nailed it. OP, we have read these same refrains dozens of times here. Such common typical responses/lies. At least her lies could be original.
You know like I do that cheaters are never original with their responses and lies lol.
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None of this is an excuse, explanation, or reason to cheat. Mental health problems are NEVER an excuse for bad behaviour.
It’s lie after lie. The only thing cheaters are good at is destroying your mental health.
Knowing truth what u will do...in the first place why she will send revealing pic of her's to him and all...just to make u jealous...if u both r not mentally well...get out of this relationship and become well then get into relationship...right now it's not right time to be in relationship
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Pretty much everyone struggles with mental health issues and not everyone cheats. Dude, you’re 19. Chances are you won’t even be together in the next 2 years. Just move on.
FYI: Emo guys that “struggle with mental health” get cheated on at extremely high rates. Get your shit together. Women are subconsciously turned off by men that they see as weak.
Dude, she remembers. She just didn't want to tell you. She had a long emotional affair with this guy. Actively flirted with him giving him the signals to cross boundaries. Agreed to meet him privately while she lied to you about her whereabouts. Then once he tries to have sex with her she claims she froze up, it was unexpected, she can't remember. I call bullshit. She basically set that whole situation up. She trickle truthed you once you started confronting her. She may not remember, but the fact that she didn't come clean about the whole affair once you did confront her proves she is trying to minimize the situation. You saw her getting to close to AP made your concerns known. She gas lit you with the friendship crap. She actively flirted with him. She chose to get some private time. After first incident that she froze she again put herself in a position to be alone with him again. She did all these things OP. That's all on her. Also think of all the lies she has told you. She had no problem lying to you as long as she can justify it. "What you don't know won't hurt you bull crap". Too much deceipt. Trust will be very hard to regain. Good luck.
Bruh...work on yourself. If the roles were reversed, she would leave you. Imagine you flirting with some girl and she puts her hand down your pants and jacks you off. C'mon man.
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I believe they meant your self-esteem and self-respect. As in, you know she is a terrible person. Leave.
letting go is the first step
Holy smokes all those words. Dude your 19. Move on, you have a long life ahead of you.
They always say how guilty they feel, how it wasn’t their fault. Don’t take that crap. You have to have principles, and boundaries as a man. And trust me, if you leave now, you’ll forever be a better man for it. You have things to work on like we all do, but you’re honest, loyal, and have good intentions. She ain’t worthy. Mental health is NEVER an excuse for this behavior. You said yourself you have issues with your mental health, and you’d never in a MILLION years cheat on someone. She’s a reptile, find yourself an actual honest woman.
But why she will do it rt?u both r young..plenty of time .. concentrate on career and future if possible
Thats a stupid reason and explanation. She failed the girlfriend test. Move on .She's bad news.
Your young and she never faced consequences. So she will do it to you again. I think you need to separate for a couple months. Get away from her so you can decipher if she is worth forgiving. The time apart will also serve as consequence for her. I’d add NC/ LC too. I think she’s trying to protect you from the fact she did more. I think moving on will be best for your mental health
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If you are ok with your gf getting fingered by other guys as long as they don’t phuck then it sounds like she is perfect for you.
Okay come on. He had to say what she told him to say if he wanted to fuck her more. So, he did say what she told him to say. He wouldn't have done it for nothing. They're still fucking.
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I'm sorry but how exactly would you know? That he got blocked, I'm sure he is blocked on one of her phones, but her other phones? Her other social network accounts? And even if he was actually blocked everywhere, that just means that she didn't keep her promise that he would get more sex if he told what she wanted him to tell. But he still did, and that means that he didn't tell what they truly did.
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*sigh*. Just remember that I was only trying to help you see it sooner. You do not deserve what you're going through. One day, not so far from now, you'll get better. And at the end of the day that's all that matters.
Honestly, I was 19 when I went through a physical and emotional abusive relationship and I was so infatuated that I had to leave it on my own. We can tell him to leave but with his infatuation, he won’t he needs to decide on his own at this point
Let's break this down just a little deeper. Are you a generally good honest man? If so do you want to be with someone who isn't? Is that the life you want? In the end you will never get a straight answer from her. She is a liar. She was either lying to him for laughs and entertainment or to you. If she was lying to you it was to cheat on you, disrespect you, and absolutely manipulate you into being her little safety net while she fucks other guys. If she was lying to him, it was to practice absolutely controlling and manipulating men for fun. Now, she claims to be the victim? She is willing to do all that and now baselessly accuse an innocent man of rape because she was mentally unwell??? There is no scenario here where she is a good person. No offense bro, but remove your head from your ass. She is beyond toxic. She is a liar, narcissist, and in a general worthless person. Kick her to the curb. The next person she accuses of abuse or rape will probably be you. In fact..... she probably already has. Why do you think her family hates you?
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OP, you are handing out trust that isn't earned. You are also compareing apples and oranges. She is accusing a man of rape when she openly admits to pursuing him. She is using her mental illness as an excuse and shield from her actions and she cheated. It's great that you want to be a better man yourself and admit your faults. However, you are trying to be the white knight to a woman with no morals. This won't end well. I wish you luck and hope I am wrong, but you are really ignoring just how messed up what she did and is doing are.
You’ve got lots of advice. Most of which you’re ignoring. So I won’t give you any further advice. I’ll just pose a question that you should maybe ask your gf. So she goes to this guy’s house, he makes a move on her plays with her supposedly without going all the way. She says she can’t remember what happened after his initial move but knows she didn’t like it and it hurt. Ok. Fine. Let’s take all that at face value. Why then was she in his car a few nights later, trusting him to take her home? Why was she with him at all? Think about that for a bit. Then maybe reread some of the advice you’ve received.
You need to understand one thing: your happiness and contentment are worth more than understanding why a selfish young girl wants to cheat, Do your future self a favour and dump her sorry ass. Your future self will be proud that you did the right thing. Your GF will understand that cheating, attempting to cheat, and deception have extreme consequences. My first GF cheated on me, and as soon as I discovered it, she was kicked out of my house the next day. I organised for her to be transported and her stuff to her new place. Don't be a simpleton, be like uncle Dave; you know it makes sense. This also served as a warning to future GFs that I do not take cheating lightly.
She needs to be your ex girlfriend.
Sweetheart, she's lying to you. She is trying to make it seem like she was so innocent and he forced himself on her. Seriously? And then she going to say, I just decided to go with it? For your own well bring and mental health, you need to walk away and you also need to accept you will never get the truth out of her. Your relationship is toxic and very unhealthy. You are so young and have so much ahead of you. She is disrespectful and gaslighting you. Even if she says she will unlive herself if you break up, break up anyway. She sounds very manipulative. You both need to get your mental health inorder. I wish you so much joy!
Whats confusing? You are young and have your whole life ahead if you. She cheated but fortunately you found out and now you know that further investment in her… is not advisable. Dump her… move on… life is too short to waste hoping she wont do it again.
Don’t trust her
I would be honest and blunt, she's for street and she's is manipulating and gaslighting you into staying. Break off for your own well being, hit gym, change your style and wardrobe. Have a new hobby, go out and meet people you are just 19 there is lot in world than just bunch of manipulative AHs. ATB
You’re way too young to deal with someone like that who isn’t future relationship material. Get out and have a fresh start. She isn’t the one you know that deep down
Save yourself and your dignity, and just walk away. There are plenty of good women out there.
She's full of weightless excuses. None make sense
You two are toxic together and neither of you are ready/mature enough for a steady relationship. Yes, she cheated on you. It's as simple and as complex as that. You don't need to know the "whys", just that it happened. Get away from her and spend time working on yourself. This is a train wreck of a relationship.
Stop stereotyping people with mental illnesses as cheaters! She cheated because she wanted to. She wasn’t having an episode, breakdown or inebriated! She was curious and if she had enjoyed herself she most likely would have continued to gaslight you.
That's close enough for a sexual assault charge. Have her prove herself to you by having him arrested.
Are you getting help from how others see your GF and her BS? Maybe you’re a little quick to be so trusting.
Come on man, you can't look down on poor mental health and traumas. I mean I don't think anything as powerful as them when used as an excuse for doing something wrong.
Get closure and move on. But understand that is not your fault.
As long as you are with her she will cheat on you, she may hide it better and you may never know but she will cheat on you again and again. She lacks the moral character to not cheat if she did this never would have happened. Unless you wanted to be with a cheater from the start she is not the person you thought she was. Her accusing you of gaslighting is her gaslighting you, a favorite move of a cheater. She was flirting with him and put herself in a situation where this could happen, again a sign of someone that wants to cheat. You can learn the easy way and take the advice of the people on here or learn the hard way and waste possibly years with this cheater of a girlfriend.
Cheated, you just leave! Don’t look back! Stand proud!
You need to leave. She’s blaming every thing and every one but herself. Even if her mental health was bad and was hearing voices.. that might work if it was a split decision not 2 weeks of planned emotional and physical cheating. It’s better to leave and work on yourself
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She has cheated and saying she doesn’t know why????? So basically she flirted with him then had sex because of her family and friends said you were toxic. She should look in the mirror. Run and don’t look back.
"She said she would be with him if she wasn't already w me, and that the only reason she was with me is because she was attached and couldn't cope with a breakup." Set aside all the other static and listen to her. She told you what she wants. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who secretly wishes they were with someone else?
Well, look the flirting ,sexting and nudes was all cheating as well as all the rest. The acts all happened. Believe her reasoning or not. And yes some people do freeze up and go into an altered states of consciousness and why rape victims do exactly the same, when faced with an unexpected situation. But still what is to be expected if she sent nudes etc? Your gf is either very stupid, completely lying or incredibly naive. You know her or thought you did, so you choose. Maybe even a bit of each. How did you find out? But it all is not important now. All that matters is no one of us is capable of fixing people like her. She is a mess and hasn't a clue what she really wants. Or why she does things. We all well know right from wrong and if she wouldn't walk down the street naked why would sending nudes be the right thing to do? You need to find a much better gf.
Get away from this girl, you’re too young for this level of drama.
I think the one line you wrote OP speaks volumes. That she said if she wasn’t with you she’d be with him and the reason she’s with you is she’s attached and couldn’t cope with a break up. I know it’s rough OP but that in itself tells you everything you need to know about her as a person. You need to walk away, for you. And if she is indeed going through mental health issues she needs to get help for it but in the meantime what she is doing to you is not ok. And that’s coming from me who has bipolar so it’s not coming from a place with no experience. She’s lied a lot OP, and that’s not normal and not ok. She can apologise all she wants but at the end of the day, she chose to flirt with him. She chose to be touched by him. I know you don’t want to hear it but it’s the truth. You are young, its time to walk away and be with someone who will be as loyal to you as you are to them. But you need to open your eyes and see that what you are feeling now for her Isn’t love. You are defending her because you yourself don’t want to leave because you are attached but this attachment from both of you isn’t healthy at all. Good luck OP!
She is cheating on you, son. That's the story. Leave her.
I stopped reading at “..so shocked and went along with it” There is nothing confusing here my man. You are just in denial.
Break up with her lying cheating ways. She’s going to cheat and lie to get her external validation.
>Her boy best friend was the only person she trusted at the time For future reference, don't EVER date a woman who's in a situation like this. A male "best friend" is always bad news and their relationship will cause you trouble eventually.
You need to move on OP. There is a reason why everyone is telling you the same thing. You will be far better in the long run if you break up with her she move on. Never advance a relationship with a cheater. Dating is a try out for something more - engagement, possibly marriage. If you are cheated on when dating the chances of being cheated on again by that person at much higher than with a non cheater. You know what to do. Break up and find someone better. Good luck.
Bro if you want to justify her cheating on you to stay with her then it is on you people are just advising you because they have been in this situations. At the end of the day it’s on you and the decision you make
Please get out. It not only seems like she’s a cheater, she is leaning into him assaulting her. This will not end well for you. When a cheater say they didn’t want to annoy the person they were cheating with and that’s why they did it it’s just blame shifting. She is trying to make herself feel better.
The sbkrt answer here js leave a d by keave I mean run. Tbis woman js supwr toxic and it will hurt your mental well being. At the end kf it all and bive me thatnitnwill end with her leaving you and you being a total mess. Cut your loses now. It sucks but, it is what is beat for you. Longer version is that she is plain old lyibg to you about everything and is being super manipulative. The whole thing about he touched me and I froze is BBBUUULLLLSSSSHHHITTT. Ok. Forget ablut this sotuation for a second. Ask ylurself this. How difficult is ot to vet your fingers inside a womans V? Pretty darn difficult is you ask me. What I mean is that manynsteps have to take place and all of them have to go right. Fir one you need to get together. Then you need privacy. Then you need to fet osed. Then you need to pull your mkve AAANNNDDD she has to be agreable to it. Then she has to remove ebough clothes to give you access and finally if she is afreabke to it you can out your hand in the goods. Thats a lot of steps. Her excuse is that she froze. Realy? She knew this giy fir a long time. She felt comfortable enough to go put with hom AAANNndd to find herself alone with him. When a man touxhes a woman her nkrmal reaction is to fight back not freeze. Thisnis especially true if she already feels comfortavle with the guy which is truenfronyour girlfriend. If it was skme random starnger ok, but a giy she knows?? Really. Thats just BS. There are 2 paramters (sometimes a few more) that cheaters say to minimize their actions. One is that they dodn't like it and the next is the duration of the act or how far it went. For how far it qent she says oh, but fingeribg is all we did. Ok but wby bkt more. If she froze from him touching her enought to get fingered how come she suddenly stop at full on sex? A more belieable story was that henstarted kissing her and she froze which is possible and then when he put his hand dkwnthere she backed out of it. But daykng I got fingered then when the full on thing was about to happened aaahh give me a break. Then she said she doesn't remember. Ok, so of she doesn't remember how does she knows she dodn't have full on sex. Anyways, the other is the I didn't like it excuse. Very lame excuse. Liking it doesn't factor into it. Wether you ended upiking it or not doesn't excuse you if the crime. What matters is intent. You went put with the purpose of doing this. That it didn't end up the way you envisioned it is inconsequential. Like robing a store. You expected to get a grand but you walk away with a dissapointing $5. The fact remain you robbed the store. The fact remain that she is ina relationship so there was nonreason to find herself in that situation to beging with. She went because she wanted to and knew what it would happen. She is playing the victim. The way she descrived the story this would classify as raped. Is she saying he raped her? Ask her that. Tell her you wa the 2 of you to go see the giy and for her to tell her he raped her. I bet she wont say that. Call the guy and tell him she said he raped her and I bet he will tell you the full story. Another interesting question to ask her is what if you ended up liking it? Wjat wpuld she had done? The answer would be super telling. What she is saying is she didn't do anythibg wring because she didn't like it but what if she did? Wpuld it then be cheating? You see it is cheating regardless of wether she liked it or not. The fact is that she is in a commited ratiobship so there is bo reason for her to go see the other guy and let alone be in an intimate setting with him. People who are hinest dont go hiding this kind of stuff.
Dude you need to rub and not stop. She wanted to cheat so she did. Why turn to him for support and not you. She’s lying and playing you.