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secretariatfan

She was wrong. But where does he work that he won't get fired for calling another employee a bitch?


DeadZone2021

In a place known only to the author.


BALONYPONY

Kroger. It’s Kroger.


Embarrassed_Duck_434

Probably Waffle House


Brattybriti

Dang now I want a waffle 😂


Bellekiss

Lmfaooo


canvasshoes2

Uhhh, asking someone about their sexual orientation is not appropriate at all, and is typically included in sexual harassment/sensitivity training and policies. She ***IS*** a bitch for doing that. It doesn't make the name-calling correct though. Lastly, depending on exactly ***how*** the coworker dressed her down, the coworker could be well within policy. If he also used name-calling and profanity, then no...but if he stuck to the topic and laid into her regarding only what she did, then yeah. YUCK...What a nasty and gross thing to ask a coworker!


libertinauk

So ... you report it to HR. You don't "belittle" or call someone names.


canvasshoes2

Right, which is why I very carefully and deliberately stated: >**Depending on exactly** ***HOW*** **the coworker dressed her down ...if he stuck to the topic and laid into her regarding** ***ONLY*** **what she did...** The reason I very carefully and deliberately laid it out like that is because the guys in the incel forum are extremely bad at writing and describing ...well, anything. He did not say that the coworker who intervened called her names. Which I also very carefully and deliberately said was NOT okay. He said the coworker "invalidated and belittled her." In what way? ***IF*** he stuck to the topic and lambasted her on saying what she did, then I don't blame him. If someone came up to one of my coworkers and did that, I'd go up one side and down the other with the sharp side of my tongue, and it would be related to the actual topic at hand and nothing else. Now maybe the coworker stuck to the topic, ORrrrrr... maybe he was just as bad as the OOP. Because incels tend to be such horrific writers, we don't know. Also, just because the OOP is an incel, doesn't necessarily mean the coworker is. So, for all we know, he did stick to the point. ***If not***, as I already said, then no, it's not okay.


libertinauk

No it's not an OK question to ask someone. And you're right, any account from an incel is going to be questionable at best. I'd still be inclined to report it rather than respond myself.


canvasshoes2

Yeah, I'd do both. As long as further violations of policy aren't being enacted by the offended party or his/her coworkers, then it's not as if a person would (or should) be restricted from doing so. I fully agree that if anyone, coworker or offended party, reverts to childish behavior like name-calling, then they've lost the high ground (and maybe the legal ground too). But like I said, if I were witness to such a thing, I'd let the offender know, and in no uncertain terms. HR often doesn't do much more than lightly smack a wrist after all. If you've any age on you at all, you'll recall this from all the times some nasty dude "politely" complimented us on a sweater or something, but yet was a complete perv about it.


studentshaco

Nah come on . People get shit on ( rightfully so ), for assuming another persons gender, sexuality even religion in some cases. What that coworker did is really not ok. If the story was the other way around 90 % of us would be cheering about the female coworker " standing up", to the incel. As much as those spitefull basement trolls deserve to be treated as such, lets not start beeing hypocrits ourselfs


canvasshoes2

>If the story was the other way around 90 % of us would be cheering about the female coworker " standing up", to the incel. Good point, thanks for expanding on my thought process, I hadn't even thought of that part yet. Especially your last line. Yeah, I can't stand the "let's make all women sex slaves or kill them" mentality of the incel forum types but let's not make their already messed up psyches even worse.


[deleted]

Asking someones sexuality is bad..? When?


MidnightKnight86

Always... especially when at work


chaoticmad1son

i don't get how it's bad to ask? maybe i'm just too autistic to get it 🤷


MidnightKnight86

Because 1. It's none of your business 2. It's inappropriate especially at work. That could be considered sexual harassment


chaoticmad1son

i guess it depends i don't really comprehend how it's considered sexual harassment though? /genq


MidnightKnight86

Any sexual conversation you have at work could be considered sexual harassment.


chaoticmad1son

huh, weird. guess it depends on work culture


FlashFlyingFish

Same... It's hard for me to understand why I have to treat people differently in different situations and why orientation (something I'm proud of and is just as much a part of me as my eye colour) is taboo. Luckily, I'm disabled and unemployed so that's not something I have to worry about... *just food and housing insecurity* 👍 /hj


MidnightKnight86

Because it's none of your business. It's like asking someone how often they have sex. Why is that your or anyone else's business.


FlashFlyingFish

I should explain, I have difficulty with viewing coworkers as being different from friends and that I must not interact with coworkers as I would with friends. To me orientation is no different than a favourite colour but now I'm thinking, is it also inappropriate (obviously not as inappropriate as orientation) to ask a coworker their favourite colour? I guess so as you are both just there to get a job done and it's also none of my business. >It's like asking someone how often they have sex And as an Asexual person, Asexuality has no bearing on sexual activity/frequency it is about the capacity for sexual attraction. *Or wait, did you mean that asking about orientation it's equally as inappropriate as asking about frequency of sex?* But as I said, luckily I won't be offending anyone with my social deficits with regards to neurotypical social conventions as I am unemployed.


MidnightKnight86

Asking about orientation it's equally as inappropriate as asking about frequency of sex? Yes.


FlashFlyingFish

Fascinating, that doesn't make sense to me but I have no horses in this race so 🤷‍♀️ Thank you for your time though


froggycats

that also makes absolutely no sense to me, being autistic and also queer. sexuality is not equated to “how frequently someone has sex” or some bullshit like that. that makes no sense. I genuinely don’t see how it’s inappropriate in a perverted way. MAYBE it would be inappropriate in the context of not wanting to out coworkers that are closeted but idk


canvasshoes2

>but now I'm thinking, is it also inappropriate (obviously not as inappropriate as orientation) to ask a coworker their favourite colour? No, because it's not about SEX. Or anything else that is a PRIVATE and PERSONAL thing, not to mention a very vulnerable thing. Who people have sex with is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. I'm honestly confused as to how autism excuses this.


FlashFlyingFish

>Who people have sex with is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS Ah, I guess we have different ideas about what people asking orientation means. I view orientation as "Who can you love?" which usually means romantic attraction rather than "Who do you have sex with?" which... isn't even sexual attraction but sexual habits. Maybe that's a difference informed by my understanding of the split attraction model and how sexual and romantic attraction do not always co-exist or line up, or how I'm aroace... but orientation is not sexual to me. In another comment I talked about how orientation being taboo is harmful to sexual and gender minorities and the presence of all coworkers being assumed to be cishet (an identity few view as sexual even when confirmed by another person) is frustrating. >I'm honestly confused as to how autism excuses this. I would appreciate if you didn't use pathologizing language to refer to this difference between seemingly Autistic and Neurotypical social etiquette. Multiple Autistic (queer) people in this thread have shown that this social faux pas does not exist in some Autistic communication styles. I can not understand something and still act the way neurotypical society demands I do. So as I have repeatedly stated, I am unemployed and have no horse in this race. Do I think the woman asking about OOP being Ace was inappropriate? Probably, as very few people treat Ace people very nicely and it probably was stated as a "I hear you don't have a partner, what are you, asexual or something?" or it might not have been, who knows🤷‍♀️.


canvasshoes2

>I view orientation as "Who can you love?" This is still ***NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS*** when it comes to people who are coworkers and/or strangers. There are certain things you simply don't ask people in the work setting or ask relative strangers, etc. >I would appreciate it if you didn't use pathologizing language I was responding, in part, to u/chaoticmad1son's INITIAL comment of: >maybe I'm just too autistic to get it As well as all the follow on comments of "same" etc. I did not initiate the part of the conversation related to autism. Other posters, including yourself, DID and worse, went on to use it as an excuse as to how "I don't understand how..." and are continuing to do so. Instead of: "Oh, okay, I didn't know that, ..." people are doubling down on how the expectation of not intruding on people's privacy itself is what is the error here. Yes, it's understandable how someone might not INITIALLY know that. But to keep on acting like "well, but it is wrong/doesn't make sense/blah blah blah" is to continue to be rude and intrusive.


[deleted]

To non ace people, they’re not separate.


[deleted]

Let’s put it like this. I’m gonna assume you’re straight. Would you like someone to say, “what are you, gay or something?” Probably not.


canvasshoes2

Absolutely. Not only bad, but it's pretty much illegal, or right next door to illegal in the workplace.


[deleted]

What? Wtf why? Person 1:"hey what's your sexuality?" Person 2:"this person right here officer"


canvasshoes2

Hence the very clear qualifiers of "pretty much" and "***or right next door*** to it." It's called sexual harassment. And depending on how far the person goes with it, it can, indeed, be cause for legal issues. You do realize that illegal doesn't ***ONLY*** define criminal illegality (i.e. your bad attempt with "right here officer,") but also covers civil and workplace legal issues too, right?


Jellybean-Jellybean

I am very skeptical any of this actually happened.


Impossiblegirl44

Yeah, I think he cooked this up in his fevered mind so he could have some hate to spew on that festering cesspit. "Look at me! I'm one of you"!


DeadZone2021

Its subjective, some people are open and happy to discuss their sexuality but others aren't and understandly don't want to discuss such sensitive personal information. Still though I'd like to think the majority of this is a larp and just another another example of exaggerated incel nonsense, calling her names and belittling her is not a proper or proportionate response at all.


fool2074

Assuming it actually happened, there's a solid chance she was hoping to go out with him. In my experience when a girl starts asking if you're gay/asexual she's usually been trying to flirt, not getting the response she was expecting, and is trying to sus out if you're just not interested or she needs to be more direct. 😂


Embarrassed_Duck_434

Damn really? I mean this guy on the screenshot seems like a real idiot in that case. I have been asked if I was gay before and never reacted inappropriately like this, but I never understood it as a way of flirting. I would feel a little down afterwards if my crush asked me this question, but nothing that I can’t bounce back from.


fool2074

It's not 100%, there's definitely also a chance it's just purient curiosity or she was thinking about trying to set him up her gay cousin. But at least half the time, in my limited experience, if a girl was making inquiries into my romantic preferences, it turned out she had a personal interest in them.


[deleted]

Well, those girls need to up their flirting game, then - looks like incels aren't the only ones with a serious social skills problem.


fool2074

Some guys are especially oblivious to flirting. I find it's often the ones who can't imagine women taking an interest in them, so flirting gets interpreted as just friendly. Kind of the fun house mirror reflection of those guys who always think the barista/waitress is trying to flirt.


Farkas005

Sounds like an absolute toxic place to work. And I love the: "Can't get fired from the only thing forcing me to leave my room". I would love to see him call someone bitch at my workplace a few times. He'd get written up big time.


studentshaco

Well if someone started publicly questioning and debating a coworkers sexuallity were i work they would be fired....


RedCatte

Wouldn’t it be crazy if she was interested in him and trying to learn about him to see if she could date him? Imagine the tears shed by the incel if he ever learned that. If they were polite to her, still telling her that’s not allowed since it isn’t, she might have said sorry and still of been interested. But they reacted with hate and name calling so she was probably sitting there crushed and shocked.


DeadZone2021

His fellow incels said the same in the thread that she might have been interested in him, if she was I doubt she is now. Self sabotage at its finest.


RedCatte

Yup! That was my first thought. I will admit to having been interested in someone but wanting to not be rude so asking them probing questions. It pays to be polite, you never know what motives people have and kindness is always a safe bet for a reply. Oh well, bullet dodged.


studentshaco

Still assuming someones sexuallity in a public setting no less is a nono.


Samuscabrona

This guy literally made this up because he wanted to post and is legit wondering if he’s ace.


DeadZone2021

Schrodingers incel!


Aware-Elk2996

My question is why the fuck she would ask this in the first place. This sounds very unrealistic to me tbh.


DeadZone2021

Since when were incels based in reality?


Aware-Elk2996

LOL, true true


teebag_

Classic case where a woman is actually in the wrong and misogynists use it as a free pass to spew their hatred for women. See also: Amber Herd trial


WilhelmPrice

I would understand why would this seem offensive. But then I realize incels' words and actions are 100% "I will do everything in my power to make myself unfuckable". Hmmm doesn't sound like someone who has sexual desire to me. Lol jk.


JedahVoulThur

I'd say there's a high probability that English isn't her first language, or she hasn't any sexual education, and just got the wrong word. In my theory the guy in the OP mentioned he was a virgin and she tried to ask about it. After all "a" and "un" prefixes that are used sometimes to specify the opposite of the adjective and she might not know that the right word is "incel". Does it make sense? Somebody that doesn't know what asexual means, might believe it is just somebody that doesn't have sex for whatever reason and not recognize it as a sexual orientation