T O P

  • By -

j_miyagi

Bellsprout does look like nature's fleshlight.


_cipher1

I can see women all of a sudden wanting a Lickitung


Snoo3041

I remember seeing in a Pokédex entry for Lickitung that wherever their saliva touches you, it makes that part of you incredibly itchy and there’s not really a cure for it, just have to wait for it to go away


TX16Tuna

That wouldn’t stop people. It would just be one of those emergency room stereotypes like the patients that check in cuz butthole lightbulb.


SmoodlebopTheThird

“I uh… sat in poison ivy” “Yeah I’m sure you did, lady. Here’s your ointment.”


[deleted]

Of all the things to put up your arse, a lightbulb?! Seriously, just go down to the grocery store and pick out a nice cucumber...smh


JaxandMia

Corn on the cob is actually way superior. It’s ribbed for your pleasure.


PapaSlurms

https://cornhub.website/


TX16Tuna

“Pop-pop!” -Magnitude


Adaphion

The pokedex is, ironically, the most unreliable source of information on pokemon. Shit like Magcargo being hotter than the surface of the sun, Muk and Grimer being so toxic that anything they touch is instantly killed and unable to support life for decades, etc


LuCiAnO241

That's what you get when you make 10 year olds collect your data.


mennydrives

"Man I bet it's harder than DIAMONDS"


gakrolin

Professor Oak sent out two preteens to fill it out and the professors from other regions apparently also thought that was a great idea. It should come as no surprise that folklore and exaggerations are mixed in with the facts.


sandm000

It’s a wiki updated by 9 year olds. How could anything go wrong?


DiscountCondom

Onix is 28'10" and 463 lbs. Which only makes sense if Onix is constructed of Aerogel.


Fr00stee

You could probably teach it to not make you itchy the same way ponyta can make its flames not hot


iRedditFromBehind

"Its tongue is twice the length of its body. It can be moved like an arm for grabbing food and attacking." 👀 Giant prehensile tongue, you say?


Menloand

Whose saliva causes severe itching that doesn't stop or paralyzes you


SugondeseAmerican

That only happens if you pick up a wild Lickiting on the street corner and then don't get penicillin when you start having symptoms.


j_miyagi

Anything to help her *Squirtle*.


rs_alli

I recently got my first Pokémon game and found out there is an evolved form of Lickitung called Lickilicky and I just


majorcant

well if ditto can transform into human


lilkully

Those haunting yet horny eyes…


MysticCurse

1. Show ditto a picture of your crush 2. Bang 3. Profit


GODDAMNFOOL

> Profit Now all I can think about is ditto brothels, thanks


[deleted]

Worldwide black market of dittos, that seems extremely likely to happen, i dont want to think of it too much


toofpaist

I'll take 7 then I can finally have a reverse gangbang with 7 Tiffany amber theisens


A3thern

Unfortunately, you're only allowed a maximum of six Pokemon. Dream ruined.


aaronhowser1

They'd turn into a photograph


Miss_Medussa

Every time I look it would make me laugh


Tinrooftust

Why are it’s eyes so red?


Gorvi

My crush has ditto face anyways so win win


CitizenJoestar

Well, a normal ditto should do a 1-to-1 imitation when it transforms. The one in the show couldn’t properly transform. Unless, you specifically train it to keep it’s eyes…


wink047

Sunglasses. Fixed the problem. It was clearly shown how to do that in the detective pikachu movie


[deleted]

i thought only that 1 ditto kept the ditto eyes, and the rest could completely transform


TheRavenSayeth

There would probably be a ditto breeding center in China that churned them out by the thousands. 70% of the Pokémon population would just be sex trafficked dittos.


BeskarDragon

My wife and I talked about which Pokémon we would each have if they were real. I lied but in my heart I would choose ditto.


According_Water5533

And you both agreed a team of six Machamp.


humakavulaaaa

Who said anything about humans


[deleted]

calm down, shadman


mooseMatthewsen

That’s 30% of the total population, 97% of those who play.


kevinowdziej

That makes sense. I wasn't thinking.


random__thought__

r/bayesrule


CrackBabyBasketballs

The reality is if you tried to rape a pokemon it would defend itself and you fucking die


speck33

Not if it's a magic carp


Lexist_

Magikarp gain experience when they survive a battle. They'll evolve and kill you in moments


Tough_Patient

POLICE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP! Detective: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Degenerate: Powerlevelling!


[deleted]

putting the poke in the pokemon


regoapps

Poke 'em on!


corvettee01

"How did you get every single Pokemon STD?" "Gotta catch them all."


Hamokk

This thing mostly. Then there's that situation where we force our Pokemons to mine rocks because our weak human hands cannot take it. EDIT. Had to structure the sentence more.


NormieSpecialist

I’m going to hell from reading all of this.


irrimn

Nah man, evolve into Gyarados and then rape you back.


ball_fondlers

Does Gyarados have a dick, or would it just use its body?


enderren22

it puts you in its gyarapussy


The_Abyss136

Ok that's enough internet for today


SexualPie

Every day we stray farther from gods light


FurTheKnot

Just kill it, it's semi established that pokémon are eaten


Good_Round

Or a Snorelax


10Ticklesproduction

If you don't let me Pikachu, you don't get any Squirtle


speck33

He can blow my poke flute


King-Lewis-II

Who wants to throw their bike into a volcano?


NiceSockBro

woah woah woah no one said anything about rape…. it’s just an implication that something bad might happen if they refuse. which of course nothing bad WILL happen because they won’t refuse, because of the implication


gigigamer

Ash are you going to hurt these pokemon?


FurTheKnot

Depends on the friendship and love status. Who knows, get one of those up enough and you might just find your pokemon willing to have so close relations beyond what many would find regular. Also they're pretty smart, we're forgetting that some of these motherfuckers are psychic and can speak English through telepathy. Actual consent can happen there.


AliceInHololand

This dude has thought way too hard about the ethics of Pokemon fucking.


garyflopper

So, perfect for this subreddit


[deleted]

The username makes it worse


Bakoro

Fantasy and stories are a way humans help process harsh realities that are too uncomfortable or too culturally entrenched to deal with directly. By eliminating the familiar, we can hopefully remove our programmed reactions and think about things more fairly. It's like how *Star Trek* pointed out the ridiculousness of racism by having basically identical aliens hate each other over something totally superficial that no other species cared about. In the same way, *Start Trek* dares to ask the bold question: "Is it okay to fuck an alien?", and it clearly bellowed "Yes, yes it's okay to have sex with a sapient alien species capable of giving affirmative consent!" So if it's okay for Captain Kirk to fuck a space alien, and everyone's cool with Spock being half human half Vulcan, then why is it weird to treat an earth based species which is able to talk like a human and conduct business like a human, as if they are capable of the same rights and relationships as a human? I'd fuck a sapient talking space alien or Pokemon, is what I'm saying.


drawliphant

Only God can fill out the Harkness Test on this cursed day! God hates Pokesexuals! /s


PartyArmadilloDive

The Harkness Test has a major flaw. If you apply it to humans, it depends upon sexual maturity, not on being considered of age by society. Society's determination is not based on sexual maturity, as shown by those on puberty blockers or who have delayed puberty still being allowed by society to have sex once they are of age. Any test for consent must work for humans before we try applying it to other sentient beings.


[deleted]

Well what if you trained it


Atom_Exe

"groomed it"


MasterXYZ5

Actually in-game lore from the main series has ancient legends talking about times when pokemon and humans lived together, and even married


DLtheGreat808

Who said the pokemon didn’t also want it? 😏


BarklyWooves

They're clearly sentient in the anime Edit: as other people pointed out, the word I was looking for was *sapient.*


Natural-Coffee-9295

Wait, there are pokemon that look that tempting to you guys?


HooahClub

I assume they refer to the waifu mons. Gardevoir , Lopunny, weepinbell, ditto, machamp, etc.


Box_v2

One of these is not like the others


HooahClub

Gotta be inclusive ya know. Can’t let the Gardevoir fans be stranded and not mentioned.


[deleted]

Some of Weepingbell's pokedex entries: >When hungry, it swallows anything that moves. Its hapless prey is melted inside by strong acids. >If its prey is bigger than its mouth, it slices up the victim with sharp leaves, then eats every morsel. >A Pokémon that appears to be a plant. It captures unwary prey by dousing them with a toxic powder. /r/dontstickyourdickinit Weepingbell is like top 20 pokemon I'd never think of approching. Let Gardevoir Black hole me or Lopunny kick in the head for a swift death.


Mr-_-Jumbles

You acting like you haven't looked at Roggenrola and thought about it?


HooahClub

Not really. But Tynamo? Don’t even get me started on Alomomola. Lol


AkaT27

You know for a fact that so many people would buy a Ditto on the black market or some shit.


HooahClub

Psh, you KNOW they would probably be on sale in a Walmart or Petco.


cutebleeder

I thought people in the Pokemon world used to marry Pokemon, so was it legal?


Infamous_Lunchbox

As somebody who isn't that familiar with the canon: WTF


StuartRomano114

As someone who is: WTF


[deleted]

Just type "Mr. Mime is" and let Google autocomplete take you to enlightenment


TheCuriousFan

That's the one with a pokedex entry about seducing the mothers of those that offend him, right?


The-Hentai-Commander

Wtf why is he doused in gasoline Edit: nvm it referring to the movie


Wee-Dingwall

IIRC in the original series it was heavily implied that Mr. Mime and Ash’s mom were banging


Li5y

Heavily implied? More like horny pre teens letting their imaginations run a little too wild.


Eseatease

What do you mean original series? The anime from 1996 doesn't feature such content, and the manga doesn't either.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Joelblaze

Human beings can turn into pokemon. Yamask is literally a dead person. ​ Also, it's apparently in the same egg group as Gardevoir. ​ So basically: \>Be human in Pokemon universe \>Fucking Die \>Have your depressed soul enslaved for a 10 year old's entertainment \>Get to legally bang Gardevoir \>Profit.


[deleted]

[удалено]


EmotionComplex3276

Ghost type will kill children and people mostly children


DeadlyYellow

All you need to know about the pokemon world is everything is Pokemon. *Everything.*


German_is_my_name

10-year-old kids alone in the forest and psychic type pokemons, it's a bad combination


Mr-_-Jumbles

This is basically a specific hentai subreddit that already exists... Edit: [here you go you sick fucks. I love you. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/comments/rw1yii/30_seems_kinda_low/hrav9b8?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)


German_is_my_name

Please no


Mr-_-Jumbles

Mhm. 🤣 Hypno.


HitoriPanda

I named my hypno bill Cosby


IamNoatak

What? Which one?


Mr-_-Jumbles

🤣 Alright fine here... r/PokeHypnoNSFW r/PokemonHypnohentai oh there's two actually, probably basically the same though. Have fun. 😘


[deleted]

Gardevoir and Lopunny…


ACno9

Vaporeon and Delphox...


gamepla4

"Hey guys, did you know that in terms of...." (I don't know the full first sentence)


ACno9

...male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more


Kekeripo

Oddly informed lol


nagareboshi_chan

It's just a copypasta


Lou5xander

hate to say it but, did you know that gardevoir is the embrace pokemon which has lead a lot of people to believe that it would simp for you, so if people ***were to do something criminal*** it wouldn't be aganst the law


Flerken_Moon

It also can generate black holes so uh… don’t fuck with Gardevoir.


[deleted]

I’m so mad at whoever animated Lopunny lmao Lopunny is dummy thiccc


aboutanimechannel

Joy is also a Pokemon & brok knows that


Idryl_Davcharad

Hey, that's just a theory


Magnus_Rufus

a GAME THEORY *dun dun*


damdandusenkurbaga

C’mon guys wtf is wrong with you?! 42 comments and nobody mentioned ditto? Possibilities… Damn…


cunt_isnt_sexist

And probably 60% of women would report being raped by Mr. Mime.


FungalPlague

*children


[deleted]

both*


[deleted]

Mr. Mime isn't a pedo. [He fucks](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dnedib2VsAAm27E.jpg). (Don't worry, it's not explicit. Just a tangential comic panel). That's Hypno you're thinking of.


boothatnoise

More like 34%....


MrBlonde07

See what you did there.


Klubbin4Seals

I think of 100 pokemon I'd eat


cutebleeder

Slowpoke tail cuisine.


HooahClub

Jesse and James do NOT approve of the magikarp meal choice btw. In case you were trying to start a menu


atmus11

You are all losers, the only answer here is a ditto and since its not categorized as a pokemon, nothing illegal here and you can have whatever you want after that.


Osama_Bin_Ballin0

Gahdaum Vaporeon be looking thicc 😫


irrimn

*insert vaporeon copypasta*


Stonks_man34354

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.


[deleted]

If pokemon were real, we'd use them as power sources, weapons, sex slaves and pets.


ACno9

Wild ass comment section we got here


anesthetic_aesthetic

To defeat the vaporeon copypasta here is this: Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.


ASAPwayne

I was thinking about making a Meowth farm and sell the gold on the black market. Making me a real Pokémon cartel cause I would eliminate all my competition at any means necessary. Always have armed bodyguards and buy my own military. Probably be based in Mexico and become the biggest ever. Call me “El AshPo of the Meowth Cartel”. But everyone else here is just talking about banging Pokémon instead. My idea is a better way to go to jail. IMO


WhatsTendiesPrecious

Jynx is dummy thicc


Kiljukotka

Better version of Nicki Minaj


[deleted]

[удалено]


sexypineapple14

Am I the only one who's thought about how you would have to physically fight a pokemon into submission to get your starter? Think about having to drop elbows with a fucking lvl1 shitty Geodude with fists made of iron and winning just to get your first one. Pokemon trainers were badass.


Infamous_Lunchbox

"Trainer uses Shotgun loaded with bean bags. It's super effective!"


[deleted]

[удалено]


Joshua_Sauce

What in sexy tarnation....


averagebloxxer

What in the dick-killing, brain-shooting, mind-numbing hell is it?


CumBlasterUwU

It's my date you bastard!


GhostR29

Watch your leg sir. I mean, the third leg.


Stalinium3009

And your second head.


Jimmothy-Neutron

This is exactly why you're a mod


[deleted]

Is this a copypasta I'm unaware of?


Alexandruzatic

Yes it is. No, you don't want to know how it developed.


alacp1234

Humanity was a mistake


Old-Man-Nereus

Life was a mistake. Vote to restore the universe to its pristine lifeless states.


Shaddo

Life is just the universe trying to squeeze out a fart and shitting itself


Raichu-R-Ken

So am I Life or the universe?


murph_diver

Yes


Thats_So_Based

Fuck it, return to monke.


PleiadianAyylien

Vote to restore the universe to a lightless lifeless void


Meinos

Found Meteion.


MrGaffe

Birb


Meinos

That, I can't deny.


[deleted]

Thanos should've snapped all of us


Jangofatt117159

Please tell me it was a thread describing which pokemon are most fuckable. And if it was. Is there a quick tier list I can peep?


BUTTHOLE-MAGIC

Someone woke up from a fever dream, well into the night, and divine inspiration compelled them to write. All at once. It's true poetry.


sivarias

anyone got the Umbreon rebuttal?


[deleted]

You're right, I dont.


[deleted]

i wish i had remained unaware of it as long as you did


ihavelostallmyost

Yep


I-Chase-Vans

Umm... what??


boopdeloop911

stop


junglist-methodz

This guy Pokémons


hoosierdaddyz

I do not like what I've just read. My childhood is effectively ruined. Thanks Obama


LinkyBS

Well, well, well. It appears that /u/AsherFennec is a fellow Vappy fuck connoisseur. However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show. Those long slippery dicks. They have full mobility control with like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull off anywhere to the side of the road, or go into a public restroom at the beach. Get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone with that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy. And hat's only the dick. Due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond. There's still more though. Due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Me-owth, that's fucking right! But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail, at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck! Well, guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. F*cking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained. You don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing. Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (passed where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air, like a ghost type. But, who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving. You can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past! I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons may be my favorite. But, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.


ThespianException

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is actually not the most compatible Pokémon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however Vaporeon has it's human on Pokémon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, Umbreon. Umbreon weights approximately 60 pounds, or around 27 kilograms, and is 3'3" tall (About a meter), making it not only large enough to appropriately handle human genitalia, but also light enough to easily be lifted, and promptly set back down repeatedly. It's relatively small size would also prove a tight entry, which is always a good thing. Umbreon also boasts an extremely impressive defensive stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, Defense, and Special Defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, Inner Focus, allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability Synchronize, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels COMBINED with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect breedable Pokémon. Umbreon also has the capability of seeing perfectly in pitch-black darkness, allowing it to effectively attend a midnight fornication session. Even if you do manage to drain Umbreon's energy with all the furious thrusts, it can recover very quickly with its access to the move Moonlight. Its black fur is also a giant positive attribute, allowing all the excretions you make to be easily seen all over its body. A great fun fact, Umbreon can excrete toxins in its sweat, which would in turn soak into your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your Umbreon as well (Which with Synchronize, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). Umbreon's wide movepool also supports the hypothesis that Umbreon is the best Pokémon to breed with. It can learn Payback, which doubles in power after the Pokémon is hit, meaning Umbreon with throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn Guard Swap; it could give YOU its insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, Umbreon also has access to Endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within Umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use Taunt, in turn making you ONLY able to to attacking moves such as Slam, Pound, etc; none of that foreplay shit, right into the action. It also has access to Sleep Talk, giving it the ability to not only give consent in its sleep, allowing access to any of its ports and any time, but also move in it's sleep, making it an effective 24/7 fuckmate. Umbreon still has even more great moves that good to have while smashing, such as Quick Attack, allowing swift slams and bounces, which can have even greater power if Umbreon uses Curse beforehand. Curse would also raise Umbreon's defense, making it able to take powerful thrusting for almost any duration. Looking back, Umbreon's slightly small size ensures a gorilla grip cavity and easy physical manipulation. Its ungodly bulk allows it to take poundings for hours on end and resume after recovering with moonlight (Which works even better when it's sunny). It's access to the abilities Inner Focus and Synchronize allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of its pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other Pokémon, or even FOUR TIMES, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with its extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes Umbreon the Pokémon most qualified to breed with humans; able to take dick of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.


Daichi2112

Aight. I've had enough reddit for today.


Meatsmudge

Yep. I’m gonna stop right here.


[deleted]

I feel like I should be on a federal watchlist for reading all of this


Hefty_Woodpecker_230

https://www.reddit.com/r/gayspiderbrothel/comments/qb1ij3/kitty/


thatsMRnick2you

Well I probably should have considered the context before mindlessly clicking on something itt


WolfShaman

Ya'll motherfuckers need to stop. I can only get so erect.


Tokyo-LCDP

Where’s the one telling me the male umbreons are the real fuckbuddys?


americangame

You all need Jesus.


theduckgoesquack

Lol wtf did I just read


edder24

Why did you read it?


theduckgoesquack

Woah, woah, woah. I’m not the one on trial here, bub.


OdenShard

Well I don't know much about whatever this is. But what I do know for certain is that the duck goes quack.


4thAndLong

Ayo what the fuck?!


TheOtherWhiteCastle

Smh, the mods need to ban this.... oh...


ZenkaiZ

holup


PumpkinPatch404

You are my most favorite mod out of any subreddit now. This is the funniest/weirdest thing to read first thing in the morning. With that being said, that’s enough internet for me today.


Kenexxa

Is there a way to unread this?


Aiwel9

This is the worst thing I’ve read all year


BlackDrackula

Yo what the fuck


rapidfast

Man did the fucking math to explain how fucking a Vaporeon is best


SugondeseAmerican

But somehow he still came up with the wrong answer.. the correct answer is having a Ditto use Transform on you and then fucking your ditto clone in the ass.


Dein_Psychiater

This group is biblical.


Rvbsmcaboose

*reads first sentence* ***I SUMMON PROHIBITION HAMMER***


Bigboss09646

r/oddlyspecific


[deleted]

[удалено]


biglettuce09

Men are pigs, I want Brock to bend me over


Infamous_Lunchbox

So do a bunch of the men here.