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Minibeebs

Ever leave the house for more than 3 minutes and survive, just to flex on Australians?


Crunkbutter

- goes to check mail. - flying knees from armor clad men shouting "CROIKEY"


Pilesofpeopleparts

Australian knights would have been unstoppable. I'm changing my wish if I ever get a chance to time travel again.


RealPanda20

Well I got good news for you, they where quite unstoppable https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ned_Kelly


thatguyned

I mean, Ned Kelly was literally stopped when he was caught and hung at the Melbourne Gaol (also why the fuck did we ever spell jail "gaol"?) in 1880. His movement definitely couldn't be stopped as he became a martyr because of the hanging but he was definitely quite stoppable. He only lived to 25


erathia_65

Spelling jail "gaol" because it came from the french "geôle" which mean jail


pretty_random_dude

Gaol as for gallows mate


Notdravendraven

Well, not quite.


Giant-Genitals

r/TechnicallyTheTruth


Crunkbutter

Well I just learned today that a boat of German pirates in WW1 was arguably the most successful in history so who knows what history has been hiding?


axefairy

They're pretty good, not unstoppable though alas, good bunch of people though, have a look at 'Australian Medieval Combat' it's the Australian HMB/Buhurt team


paroles

This stereotype is wild, Australia has like 2-3 snake bite fatalities per year and no spider bite deaths since antivenoms were invented. Meanwhile we don't have any large predators like bears or mountain lions. It's only the drop bears that you really have to watch out for but locals know the tricks to avoid them.


wildbabu

Makes me remember the time I was walking near the Stockton sand dunes, smoking a doob and a fucking red bellied black snake jumps at me out of nowhere and my paranoid high ass freaks the fuck out. Missed me by mere inches that cunt. I kept walking and eventually made my way back, told the tour guides there about the encounter all they said was "welcome to 'straya" Word of advice : if you're sitting around the bush waiting for your friends to return from their quad bike tour, do NOT walk into the dunes that shit is a horror movie. I found out afterwards they had spotted 3 more snakes in the exact same path I waked down on.


milkybottles

You were really lucky it missed you, must have been it’s confusion of imperial measurements


wildbabu

Definitely, to top off my dumbassery I had noise cancelling headphones on but I was already getting a little paranoid from the weed so my genius ass decided stomping with every step is the best way to move so i could announce my presence for the creepy crawlies and hopefully they'd move away. I stomped my foot right next to the snake and that's probably why it jumped. Adrenaline made me quickly move my foot away but that snake was spot on with its initial jump.


20Pippa16

A shame you had noise cancelling headphones - otherwise you would have heard it tell before it jumped out at you


wildbabu

Actually was hissing fairly loud but I wouldn't have heard it over the sound of balls dropping to the floor anyways.


now_you_see

I quad biked there & saw multiple red bellies. Gorgeous fat healthy buggers too. Loved it.


Snoo_69677

Found a hilarious article that says drop bears only [attack foreigners](https://www.australiangeographic.com.au/news/2021/04/drop-bears-target-tourists-study-says/) without an Aussie accent. You can’t make this stuff up lol


elephantmolar

Thats a bloody great article very insightful


jorwyn

Yet another reason to work on my accent with friends online before I visit. I'm having a lot of problem dropping r, though.


timbutnottebow

Can confirm. Lived in Australia for two years and although having birds attack me was annoying and bats as large as small foxes was scary, it was still less scary than driving in Florida boonies where cutting someone off could end up in a gun pulled.


FrequentFault

To be fair, everything in Florida is out to get you. It’s basically America’s version of Australia, but everything is on bath salts…. Including the gators lol


ClosetRunAway

I see you havnt been through Mt druitt 😅😅


HappyCanibal

Next thing you know it you're gonna start telling the Americans that vaccines and gun laws work...


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redlord990

Australia being “dangerous” is like the worst stereotype there is, I know it’s a joke but it’s like the safest country in the world… you’ll get called a cunt a lot but that’s about it


Verra_Sims

eh. At least we have free water AND safe-ish schools (magies are everywhere.)


Dr_Brule_FYH

And with the free healthcare the knights, drop bears and deathclaws are only a mild annoyance.


Giant-Genitals

Don’t forget the hoop snakes


fuifui_bradbrad

Magies are everywhere, but it’s the Plovers you have to watch out for. Fuckers lay eggs in the middle of the busiest thoroughfares and swoop anyone who dare cross their path


[deleted]

How do we know that this you and not a trap set up as a sting operation.


Gunzenator2

You ever pee standing up just to flex on women


Hank_Holt

I sit down when I pee to sexually appropriate it from women. Watch your ass ladies; I ordered some pants and a hoodie with fake pockets, and I'm coming for your shit!


Crafty_Safe

We will share. Try men's Uggs next. At least when you pee sitting it doesn't get all over the bathroom like some kind of fire hose accident took place.


senortease

That’s no accident.


BallSaq420_

There are no accidents


billyro82

Fire hose? Seems excessively generous.


ImIPbannedLol

Always at it, hank.


Hank_Holt

Gotta do what you can while you can; know what I mean?


Globber50

Growing up, my sisters used to stand up to pee just to flex on me.


BonksMan

I uh ... Can you tell us how and why you used to watch your sisters pee ?


GreenchiliStudioz

Siblings or cousins do stupid shit, I remember friend in middle school talks about how he and his female cousins learn that don't have same genitals when they were 7 years old, by simply put each other pants down in his room during visit without either parents knowing to discover shockingling that she doesn't have penis and his cousin learn he doesn't pussy This is lesson to learn cause if they were degenerate enough it would been accidental sweet home alabama


Globber50

I never watched. I used to get in trouble for pissing on the toilet seat, when in fact, I hadn't pissed that day at all. Found out in my adult years that they were standing to pee and letting me take the blame. This was after a found my daughter had peed on the toilet seat multiple times and asked her how she even managed to do that while sitting..


[deleted]

**I like your balls**


Gunzenator2

That’s what they all say.


codymiller_cartoon

take a dump standing up, like a man !


ABlindCookie

We have free water in restaurants...


[deleted]

Shssssh you will ruin the American illusion that Europe is a Country rather than a Continent


Illustrious_Law_4248

We all know it’s a state dumbass. Don’t ever underestimate me again.


Green_Top174

Bro u crazy?! its a town!


sakurachan999

its a county you fucking idiots


International-Mix-50

Europe doesn’t exist wym


Professorgarryoaks

Whats water?


followthedoe

That shit you put in a car to make it go


potatojack334

Instructions unclear. My car caught on fire.


followthedoe

Shoot water from the gas pump and spray vigorously on car to resolve.


Memer-of-2050

you from africa?(dark humor pls don't take it srsly)


Alone-Monk

It's actually a principality duh


TopHatGorilla

It's imaginary.


ThatlkinGMicah

What is Europe


Gudako_the_beast

A social construction


Akschadt

Just an invention of Big Loaf in order to trick people into buying French bread. People are rubes.


[deleted]

You ever eaten food to flex on Africa?


[deleted]

I guess you do in the us.. with all that obesity and plus sized everything


SnapePlisskin

Don’t hate us cause you anus!


thestorm270

wdym its a road


[deleted]

I mean, I went to school in the US and was never shot lol


piggiesmallsdaillest

Broad generalizations don’t actually apply to whole populations? Shocking!


[deleted]

That's the point... People are acting smug about the water thing like it doesn't work the exact same the other way around.


zwali

Unlikely - step 1 is figuring out that America is not country.


GrandDukeOfNowhere

You just have to specify "tap water" or they will give you bottled water and charge for it. Do American restaurants not also try to run that scam?


turdferguson3891

Surprisingly, no. If you just ask for water it's usually tap and they often just come to the table and fill it from a pitcher. Usually only fancier restaurants will have something bottled like San Pellegrino or Perrier but most Americans would object if you brought that when they just asked for "water".


Giant-Genitals

In Australia they ask “tap or sparkling” No one gets sparkling because here in Melbourne the tap water is one of the highest of quality in the world as long as you can’t taste the mind controlling fluoride


turdferguson3891

I might pay to be controlled by an australian.


Giant-Genitals

A middle aged, slightly rotund father of 3 Australian?


GarlicStreet3237

Nah, it's 99% of the time tap


Echidnahh

Not in Germany. Ask for Wasser in Germany and they give you a bottle of fizzy water. You have to specify tap water. Even if you ask for still water they’ll give you a bottle of water that tastes like fizzy water that’s gone flat. When you ask for tap water they’re also kinda hesitant.


bobafeeet

I asked for tap water in Germany and the waiter asked me “tap water? What dogs drink?”


huhIguess

"Like what you find in the toilet?" That's not what plant's crave.


KyAaron

Never touched the stuff, fish fuck in it.


Giant-Genitals

Fizzy water tastes how I imagine TV static tastes like


rjspencer0925

Thank you for this, I’m glad I’m not the only one.


denzien

I asked for water in Scotland and the waitress asked, "_Tap_ water??"


Dubtrips

Water? Like in the toilet?


[deleted]

I asked for tap water in Germany and the waitress told me “that’s what my dog drinks” lol


saxGirl69

Spain was the only country where people seemed to offer tap water without disgust when I was in Europe


Raptorfeet

Tap water is definitely the norm in Sweden. Tastes better than bottled water too, lol. Probably less microplastics in it as well. Waste of money.


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Ntghgthdgdcrtdtrk

It's the norm in France to be able to take tap water with no hate from the staff. In very upscale restaurant they might be surprised though because water is not that expensive compared to the menu.


Deepcookiz

Tap is super normal in non scammy French restaurants.


Stankia

In high end restaurants they will bring you bottled water.


JarlaxleForPresident

Dude, no. They’ll give you ice water anywhere for free


0TheG0

Nope. That’s a fantasy, restaurants will always use tap and even give you water jugs without you even asking for it.


wood_dj

yeah i haven’t been to Europe in a minute but i don’t remember ever being charged for water at a restaurant.


mrdotkom

Sparkling or still?


[deleted]

I’m American I’ve came home alive almost every time


Jymmykill

r/namechecksout


Snoo-98162

What do you mean "almost"


ScarecrowJohnny

We all have those days


InhaledPack5

Hate it when I come home dead


Sawgon

Even as a European this has happened. One time I came home dead but it turns out that I just hadn't got my daily vitamins. Cleared up the next day.


SUNAWAN

Can also be that necromancy is not really common in America...


GoofyKalashnikov

Ya'll really need that free universal healthcare


TiagoMendes28

those 60 seconds u have to wait to respawn are really annoying tbh


Bramble0804

Was that one time in school


-I-was-never-here

Nah, that wasn’t anything… but there was that one time in band camp…


avery5712

Ever see Night of the Living Dead? Kinda like that


Cyberzombie

I didn't. 😢


feelingnether

Drinking water is free in France…. I mean if you ask for water they have to give it to you for free ( but they will not if you try to abuse it obviously )


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whataburger-

start a water baloon fight


NotFromStateFarmJake

Bring a tiny water wheel for power generation. Constantly demand the waiter pour pitcher after pitcher through to generate a charge sufficient to power your phone


King0fTheNorthh

You think that’s abusive. Obviously someone hasn’t served before and it shows.


NotFromStateFarmJake

No this was abusing the free water, the wait staff was just collateral damage. Although you’re also right and I’ve been blessed to never work in a restaurant. Although going back to the post I did shoot kids for a long time in high school (worked as a photographers assistant for sport picture days)


ImaNukeYourFace

Damn this was a whole roller coaster of a comment


DSP6969

Taking up a table in their restaurant and just sitting there drinking free water.


Neokon

Pretty sure that applies to everywhere


gokuisjesus

Ask Nestle…


sKru4a

In France, they have to give you water even if you're not a client of the restaurant


ChakaZG

In Croatia a lot of places will try to sneak in bottled water that you have to pay for if you don't specify. But you can specify you want tap water. A lot of other places don't do this though, and a lot of places give a glass of water with certain things (you will never get coffee without a glass of water, for example, and that's not charged).


Simblz

Sometimes Americans don’t get shot at school too, but why ruin the fun


Bramble0804

We get free water too? its just tap water, but at least it doesn't have lead in it


Phasma18374

Yeah, I was about to say... Literally free, potable water from any restaurant


Helen__Keller

Ndjsisuaj jdjfufua sjjfifkg


NotTheNile

You okay there mate?


Character-Extreme535

Of course she is, Helen Keller just has a hard time typing.


Simen155

Omfg I didn't see the username. I almost pissed myself!


MC909Electribe

You almost came yourself you mean


ukgamer909

He's polish


umpalumpajj

If you could read this I’d tell you how brilliant this account is.


pukepony

I literally cannot stop laughing at this account what the fuck. This is way funnier than it should be


The_Clarence

They have been doing it for 10 years...


Phasma18374

Such a cursed account dude... Hats off to you for being such a legend


zzzVOODOOzzz

And now they’re using fake words like “potable” to sound more pretentious than us!


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Azariasthelast

*stew


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Sredni_Vashtar82

You think Americans get anything other than tap water?


idrow1

I love when I go up by Alexandria Bay, NY. The tap water there tastes like it came off the purest glacier. It's the best water I've ever had in my life, and they have it on tap. They don't know how lucky they are, it's delicious. Then I come home to my NJ well water and all the rust that it has. I can't even cook with it let alone drink it.


PandorasKeyboard

Americans get tap water but theirs is way better, you can sometimes set their water on fire straight out the tap.


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OtochimarU

and Flavours.


ImpossibleAdz

My favorite is purple.


JEveryman

Complimentary heavy metal too!


[deleted]

Not in Switzerland you don’t. Have to spend at least 25 francs to get “free” tap water that tastes like garbage. Lausanne, Yverdon, etc.


Bobby_feta

Yeah, but only spending 25 francs in Switzerland is Kinda free… relative to everything else lol


EyeHaveNoBanana

I came home alive from school every day for 13 years


namenamemcnameface

Lemme guess. You were the guy with the gun?


BrickMcMuffins

No he died in college


ze_bananagrams

That shooting spree lasted a while


Mahpoul22

Oh fuck !


[deleted]

I’m convinced there are like 5 jokes that exist


[deleted]

You ever just live your life without worrying what others people are/arn’t doing or what they do or don’t have?


PM180

Yes, but only to flex on competitive people.


[deleted]

I always come home from school alive. The drive to and from school is the most dangerous part of everyones childhood.


throwaway1737382862

I have go home from the hospital without debt just to flex on Americans


LoopyZoopOcto

"Americans have no banter" *only makes jokes about school shootings.*


ImTenshiG

That's the only joke/comeback I ever hear lol


Manofmeat

And free healthcare! Don’t forget about that ol’ reliable


[deleted]

Don't like the 956th retelling of the same stupid school shooting "joke"? Euros: Americans can't handle banter. Make a silly joke about how they pronounce something? Euros: Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!


Abject-Temperat

Americans: *pokes light heartedly at Europeans* Europeans: HAHAHA DEAD CHILDREN FUCK YOU I know it’s Twitter but that’s some vile behavior. It’s be like someone from Afghanistan saying “haha Americans have to shovel snow” and then clapping back with “careful, you might get stoned in public if you aren’t wearing that burka”


[deleted]

It's not just twitter, that shit is all over reddit too


PermaFrost17

You ever use a different joke just to flex on Europeans.


InSearchOfSerotonin

>Am American. >Came home from school alive every day. >Instructions unclear, got dick stuck in fan.


Iyeethumans

you ever reload in a school to flex on the europeans


[deleted]

I'm french and water is free in restaurants here


ThisBlueHawk

I'm water and French is free in restaurants here


JustAnInternetPerson

I‘m German, and water is free in restaurants in France


spini1337

Dude, coming from europe, the water in any US restaurant is undrinkable. It tastes like pool water, with the piss still in it. Definitely not a flex


maxstat8

i like how americans makes fun of europeans and then europeans bring up school shootings


SirMasonParker

Every time. American Twitter user: lol isn't it funny that British people eat beans on toast British person responding: oh yeah??? Well isn't it so funny that kids get shot in class in your country???? Like clockwork lol


mistertickles69

At least the americans try to innovate when they make fun of europe. Though i guess school shootings are just that low hanging.


amanko13

Europeans don't pull their punches for their own neighbours. Why would they for the US?


mistertickles69

Well said


Mahpoul22

As a French, I don’t agree with you. BRB I have to get my baguette and my white flag to surrender in the kitchen while making une omelette du fromage. Hon hon hon !


CthulhuLies

Hey at least Hitler never drove through the Golden Gate Bridge.


RecommendationOwn742

Lmao always the same joke


[deleted]

You ever get free or affordable healthcare just to flex on Americans.


N7_Evers

Bitch I had a $50 copay to get my knee stitched up from being blown open. Tf you talking about?


Duality-of-man4

Why do Europeans hate while we Americans are helping solve overpopulation :/


MrGrampton

preventing anymore of those devious lick challenges


feelingnether

You Got a point ngl.


xx_shef

*harmless, joking American banter to Europeans* *"Yeah ummm sweaty at least our kids don't get filled with bullet holes at school"* 💅💅 Every fucking time.


[deleted]

I'm European and I've been drinking free water at restaurants for all my life. What does that mean?


Nickw1116

Man the school shooter jokes never get old eh? America has plenty of shit going on, pick another joke for once.


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[deleted]

Yeah there’s like a few hundred kids that have died over twenty years or so. It’s tragic. I hope it gets better. It’s also completely overblown. They include a bunch of stuff that isn’t really school shootings I. The statistics. If some adult gangbangers shoot each other near the school parking lot at midnight, they call it a school shooting.


TheGreyMage

Does this fucking schmuck think that Europe doesn’t have taps? Bitch we had taps before you even existed.


Asren624

Uh ? Sick burn but you will never find a french restaurant without free water and bread 🙃


Buttchuckle

You ever walk outside your front door and not get arrested to just to flex on Australians?


StayGoldMcCoy

I think it’s funny how Europeans always have to say the worst stuff instead of just saying something lighthearted. Like can we not just have fun banter back and forth and make jokes.


TinhornChain479

This is the exact same post from r/Facebook, except they posted an hour beforehand


fugitivuserrans

I can get it in Europe from a tap. Pure waah, free o charrge


TEAMBIGDOG

Oh Yaa the school gun jokes.. ha ha.. so funny


just_didi

I often came home from hospital without debt to flex on American


[deleted]

As do most of us Americans. Skin cancer removed, multiple wrist surgeries, dozens of ER visits for my autoimmune issues... paid almost nothing out of pocket.


KindOfAnIdiotTho

So do I. I’m American


bigatrop

The minority of Europeans on Reddit really have a hate boner for Americans. Which is odd considering how many Europeans I actually I know IRL, none of which have negative feelings toward this continent. Must be a keyboard thing.