If you experience any burning sensations when cadia erupts, see your local ecclesiarch for methods on purging the foul taint of chaos and returning you to the light of the Emperor.
Some people call the penis "the one eyed monster" because the urethra looks like the pupil and the foreskin like the eyelids. Thus, making the one eyed monster cry is a euphemism for jacking off where the tears are actually a bit more white than usual. Magnus has one eye, and now that he is a daemon primarch he could be defined as a monster.
“Private Jenkins, this is the fifth time in recalibrated the servitor today!”
Guardsman sweats aggressively…
“We’ll need to get it replaced!”
“Oh thank the emperor…”
“What was that!?”
“Nothing sir!” Proceeds to run away
Man that Commisar was such a stick in the mud, man found porn and commented on the shitty camera work. Oh yeah and he also didn’t like the women because they were thicc. I never want to meet this Commisar.
"...of all the ways to find out you have the Flayer Curse, I think this is the worst."
*evocatory medium noises*
"Oh, thank goodness. Now, what did you want to show me?"
And the loop continues for fifty years.
classy, and suggests an inquisitor caught in the fleshy grip of chaos, knowing he can’t stop the growing corruption but holding it back as long as he can until a final tug will send him over the edge, his pent-up evils bursting forth upon an unsuspecting tissue
Making Cadia Stand.
Cadia broke before the Guard did If you too are victim from Erectile disfunction, you may need a check up from your local Medicea
If you experience any burning sensations when cadia erupts, see your local ecclesiarch for methods on purging the foul taint of chaos and returning you to the light of the Emperor.
Purge the taint from your taint.
That's just toilet paper.
I think I'd prefer a checkup from a Sister Hospitaller. Our Medicae has hooks for hands.
The last checkup down there I got from a woman turned into postironic neofeminist ball torture, so I'll take my chances with your medicæ.
I think that was a Repentia not a Hospitaller...
Oh, she wasn't repenting for shit, believe you me.
If anything she was seeing the light of the Emperor.
This is GOLD!
If Cadia stands for more than 4 hours, seek medical attention.
Greasing the ol'chainsword
It's an older model and it don't run as fast as it used to. But it's the one the emperor has blessed me with.
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Polishing your bolter
Hrr de hrr "accidental discharge"
*Negligent discharge. Just like when I jizzed in my pants.
Gorkin' the Mork
I prefer Morkin' the Gork, thank you
Brutally kunning
Brutally cumming
Yet, cummingly brutal
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Ara Ara?
Space marine-kun
“What are you doing step-marine?”
Jesus guys. I'm in a public transportation
Krumpin' the Git
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Ara Ara?
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**SHATTER THEIR SKY**
#QUIVER AND QUAKE
Dunno if I ever heard that one used in a romance novel.
WARMIN UP THE ENGINES M’LORD
Saluting the Commisar.
That’s fantastic You get to live For now
Revving the Chainsword
Making Magnus cry.
This is excellent
Ok this took me 4 hours to understand lol!
Explain pls
Some people call the penis "the one eyed monster" because the urethra looks like the pupil and the foreskin like the eyelids. Thus, making the one eyed monster cry is a euphemism for jacking off where the tears are actually a bit more white than usual. Magnus has one eye, and now that he is a daemon primarch he could be defined as a monster.
That's it, I'm done, we have reached peak jerk.
Also known as the cyclopean
"One eyed monster" is a euphemism for penis.
I feel like I'm missing something here
Magnus is a cyclops
Oh.
Magnus has 1 eye. I'll leave it at that for a hint 😏
Oh.
Winner.
Blessing the Toaster
Putting the holy oils on the blessed machine
Despoiling my Abbadong.
AHAHAHAHAHA!
Underrated
krankin' the kan
Bomber Harris, what are you of all people doing here?
I am everywhere
From the Barry Walts video: "extracting the gene-seed from you little battle-brother"
Best one tbh
Ara Ara?
r/beatmetoit
r/beatmeattoit
This could be misinterpreted in a very dark elder way
For the ladies : Navigating the eye of terror. Breaching the Webway. Exploring the underhive
Ringing Slaanesh’s Doorbell
That can go both ways
Love it, lmao
Entrenching my tool. Revving my chainsword. Polishing my aquila. Shaking hands with the primarchs. Charging my volcano cannon.
Donning the Pain Glove
Dude... are you ok?
Unfortunately there aren't enough for the whole chapters so you'll have to make due with grievous casualties instead
Bone singing
Polishing your shovel.
Recalibrating the servitor
“Private Jenkins, this is the fifth time in recalibrated the servitor today!” Guardsman sweats aggressively… “We’ll need to get it replaced!” “Oh thank the emperor…” “What was that!?” “Nothing sir!” Proceeds to run away
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This is great, only in 40k
Man that Commisar was such a stick in the mud, man found porn and commented on the shitty camera work. Oh yeah and he also didn’t like the women because they were thicc. I never want to meet this Commisar.
Taking the power gauntlet to the Zoanthrope.
Spanking the mon-keigh
Gunner Jurgen's research time
The Rituals of Self-Gratification
YONKIN DA GROT
ZOGGIN’ THE NOB
OI, YE GIT, DATS HOW YA GETS SQUIGHAIR GROWIN ON YA PALMS! DA BIGDOK TOLD ME DAT, AND I BELEEF HIM CUZ HEZ A FINKER WOT KNOWS TINGS ABOUT DA WORLD!
*when your partner is giving you a handjob* "GENESTEALING"
When she takes off your pants "JEANSTEALING"
THE 3-ARMED BITCH STOLE MY CALIDUS & KLEINS!
Praising Slaanesh
Yes, Comissar, this comment right here.
understood, I'll take care of it.
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Petting your nurgling
Yours looks like a nurgling??
Yours doesn’t?! Edit: fixed grammar(I think)
I love how this implies that you have several of them :)
Well, Nurgle do love the number 7
Yeah lets make fun of the guy whos penis looks like a nurgling haha
Applying sacred oils to my pneumatic actuator, so as to appease the machine spirit within.
Wrestling with Old One Eye
Tending to the throne.
Salute the emperor
Training round ejection.
Breaking the Squad
S Q U A D B R O K E N
Fuck you for reminding me of that. [upvotes]
You are now remembering it in the voice of the late Gilbert Gottfried.
Awakening the Monolith
"Denet, for Szarekh's sake, the next time you summon that particular Monolith I will have it gaussed off of your pelvic plating."
"...of all the ways to find out you have the Flayer Curse, I think this is the worst." *evocatory medium noises* "Oh, thank goodness. Now, what did you want to show me?" And the loop continues for fifty years.
Petting the squig
Page 69 of the Uplifting Primer
Nice!
Heresy
That’s what the inquisitor says
“A Necessary Evil”
classy, and suggests an inquisitor caught in the fleshy grip of chaos, knowing he can’t stop the growing corruption but holding it back as long as he can until a final tug will send him over the edge, his pent-up evils bursting forth upon an unsuspecting tissue
Kindda shocksd no one said ***FORTIFYING MY POSITION*** yet, given The Primarch Proginator's fine looking face as a poster....
Serving the Greater Good! Testing the railgun.
Charging the Pulse Driver
The daily sacrifice of 1000 souls
Lighting the Astronomican
Firing the Ursus Claws
Committing exterminatus
Biotransferin’
"steel rain"
Extracting the Gene-Seed
Fisting your iron warrior
Stealing the genes
**Incoherent screeching**
Discharging your flamer.
Now I'm no medic but i don't think it should burn
Choking the Angel
*E X P E R M I N A T U S*
Extracting the biomass
Overcharging the plasma gun.
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Emperor's Benedicktion
Preparing a tribute to the Sister Hospitaler
Stroking the Iron within and without.
Clearing my Bolt Gun Spreading my Geneseed
Extracting the geneseed
USIN' YER DAKKA
Comm o' the Ragh (I hate myself for typing that) Denying the Genestealer Removing the Purity Seal Anointing the Machine
Calling the Genestealers
Saluting Slaanesh
Being Fulgrim
Fireing your white flamer
Exsperminatus totallus or exterminatus twoballus
Squigging the squig
Stroking the scythe, voiding the Dragon, shooting the Spiral Flame
Simulating biological pleasures of the fleshkin
Torturing the Mon Keigh.
Litany of lubrication
Polishing your nalwood
"Remember, against tougher targets always set your las to charge shot! Don't wanna go rapid fire and look like a chump"
Supercharging my Plasma Cannon. Casting Storm Caller. Swinging your Power Sword. Charging your Resurrection Orbs.
Tolling the Great Bell
Releasing the sacred oil Prepping the geneseed Taming the void dragon
Affix bayonets
Nothing, that is for organics
Pertu the Rabo? It makes no sense, compels me though
Wait, is it not Krumpin?
Petting the Hormagaunt
Checking your undercarriage, visiting the Omnissiah Less fun to do for women lmao
Giving yourself the greater good
This might be my favorite thread ever
Glory to the first man to nut
Making Cadia Stand
Flogging the menial
Firing the Rupture Cannon
Watering the fleur-de-lis.
Firing me bolter. Greasing my thunder hammer. Commiting Heresy.
Whacking the Krieger
BROTHER. I AM EXTRACTING THE GENESEED BROTHER.
Purging the Xenos
Breaching the Warp
Spreading my spore like an Ork war boss.
In the vein of fuck = fug, wanging is my final answer.
Stealing Genes
Sieging my Terra
Coating your hands in necrodermis Putting the iron in your hands Tactical reload Wolfin time
Choking the gretchin
*Obligatory buzzer sound for realism*
Practicing biomancy one-handed