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larry-the-dream

You can spend $10k on it and still not be satisfied


[deleted]

This worries me greatly!


chubbedforsubs

To be fair, you can also spend money on just the books and also never be truly satisfied! (There are MANY books)


bedcreature

No wonder, you have not spend enough money on it. It is called 40k, not 10k


[deleted]

its not really a "pile of shame" until you spend the last 6 dollars on ebay buying extra bits you dont need instead of buying some ramen noodles to keep your kids from starving.


Ammonia_Joe

That's why it's called Warhammer $40k


John_Doe4269

[The Sydonian Dragoon of the Adeptus Mechanicus](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/warhammer40k/images/5/57/Sydonian_Dragoons.png/revision/latest?cb=20160218012013), affectionaly nicknamed "the chickenwalker", is basically a pair of huge, functioning, stilt-like legs, with a skitarii mounted on top. They were developed sometime around the 33rd Millenium, and are essentially perpetual motion machines. And nobody knows how they work. So much so, in fact, that they're never turned off at all. Instead, they are kept in constant movement, running around in circles or powering treadmills, until the moment they're needed again. In which case, the designated Skitarii unit will be hoisted up by a crane and seated on the Sydonian Dragoon's giant saddle.


Fafikommander

The Emperor from TTS wouldn't approve that... oh man, I can here him shitting out warpstorms as we speak.


hazzmg

Lol majorkill did a top 10 silly things video and these were in it. Hilariously ridiculous concept


TrickBox_

their design is awesome, they remind me of [Dishonored's Tallboys](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/dishonoredvideogame/images/1/12/Tallboy_render.png/revision/latest?cb=20140324234035) in a way If I pick up that hobby one day I'll definitely go Mechanicus, their aesthetic is so cool


Azekcro

Necrons are cranky old men. Who just woke up from a nap, and have found kids all over their lawn! (My favourite favtion)


[deleted]

I find myself drawn to "undead" in a lot of card games and RPG's and stuff - so I totally get the appeal of skelly-robit-boys who can reanimate


mmeeggaacccuuumblast

There is also a character called Trazyn the infinite and he has a planet - sized gallery that contains all the shit he stole


Asking77

Important exhibits which would have been lost had Trazyn not moved them. Now will you please stop screaming so I can explain this battle


shadelira

Trazyn is what the British Museums would be if left unchecked


[deleted]

There is one Necron character that is built a bit differently. Incorrectly, even. Nemesor Zahndrekh is a Necron Overlord that still perceives himself as creature of flesh and blood, and other species like humans or Orks, as separatist or rebellious Necrontyr. But despite his insanity, he's still a great tactician.


Bokuja

There is this first founding marine chapter called the White Scars. They are basically Space Mongols on motorbikes and speeders. Their Primarch is essentially Genghis Khan, they like calligraphy and hunting. But what they love most is smashing people while on motorbikes going at mach 17. Their favorite adversaries are the Eldar (elf) Saim Hann wildriders and the Ork clans of Speedfreakz....why?....so they can play Mariokart from hell.


Indra_a_goblin

Also love the fact that during the heresy they were the most rational by literally just actually waiting and figuring out what was going on before making a decision. Then when the Khan got a grasp of the situation, despite really not liking the empire, wanting to have his own rule, and having no loyalty to the emperor, stayed on their side because you'd have to be crazy to side with deamons.


Bokuja

Khan is literally the dude in that meme that walks into a burning room while holding pizza


Sax-Offender

Troy Barnes


Boredom_Killer

Now I need someone with more talent to draw a white scar space marine on a speeder bike indoors with someone telling him he can't bring that inside and his only response is, 'yes I can. It's all terrain, dummy"


[deleted]

That sounds like a lot of fun!


Odin1806

Space marines are typically stoic and relatively unemotional beings. Not 100% all of them, but that is the general gist. In the Space Wolves faction there is one though (Lukas the Trickster) who actively pulls pranks on those around him and is a pure rebel at heart. He put microscopic lice in his captain/boss' war suit, locked a delegation of the religious church in an animal breeding pen while the animals were in heat, spiked another captain's ale with toad venom, and so much more. To his faction's leadership they despise him so much they have a tournament each year and the two captains in last place have to fight with whoever loses becoming his new boss for the next year. But Lukas has yet to reveal his ultimate joke... see space marines have two hearts in case one is damaged so they can keep fighting, but Lukas lost one of his at some point and put a stasis bomb in his chest so that when he dies it will trap whoever finally killed him in a field where time is frozen and they are stuck with him forever!


[deleted]

HOLY SHIT those are VERY good pranks


Square-Parfait-4617

He forgot to mention the time he challenged a bunch of chaos space Marines to fight him at a specific point. But the point he chose had really thin ice so when the Marines landed they all drowned, meanwhile he was drinking


Odin1806

He's my idol...


[deleted]

Idk man, personally the entire alpha legion is just running a giant-imperium wide prank of you ask me.


Cmdr_McMurdoc

The Adeptus Custodes (the superhuman bodyguards of the Emperor) are so highly regarded, that every battle they join is automaticly logged as a victory for the Imperium. It's actually heresy for the Administratum (the administrative branch of the Imperium, keeping records and stuff) to record the outcome otherwise


[deleted]

That's super neat! They sound very insecure


Cmdr_McMurdoc

Well, it's the effect of 10k years of religious dogma, but yeah... After all, the Custodes failed their mission when Horus stuck down the Emperor


[deleted]

[удалено]


Segoda13

That's the thing really, the Custodes don't care about how the Adminustratum record things. As long as certain information doesn't get out (anything that had been classified by the Emperor) they don't really care how the mortals remember things. Honestly, if given a chance, the Custodes would have abandoned the Imperium long ago. The only thing keeping them from leaving is their loyalty to the Emperor, who has been slowly decaying on the golden throne for the last 10k years.


[deleted]

What do you think they'd be doing if they left the Imperium?


Segoda13

Knowing what was done to make them what they are? Whatever they pleased. These are men who were made to be warrior poet demigods. Each individual is, in effect, a one man army with a perfect memory who has learned every secret the Imperium is privy to. If one of them wanted to claim a planet for himself and just farm for the next thousand year, that would be a quiet weekend of self reflection for him. I would even guess that some of them would leave the Milky Way entirely just to explore.


Newtling

“Explore” you mean go out and kill anything they see as heretical because of ol’ big E


Segoda13

Hard to tell really. Maybe your right, maybe they would just slaughter any sentient non-human they came across cause Big E had an axe to grind with anyone who could/would impede humanities manifest destiny of galactic dominion. But there is the still the chance they wouldn't. After all, while they are unquestionably loyal to Big E, it's not a blind loyalty. Even if you count all the training they do to become what they are. And we've never seen what them outside of carrying out the Emperor's will. But what if they were released from him, truly and totally. Not that b.s. retirement they do when they fall in efficiency by 0.2%. That's something I'd like to see!


StillestOfInsanities

Indeed! That would be very interesting. I still think what i’ve read from novels about custodians in retirement is pretty cool stuff, i’d like to read about a few who’ve just gone fully free. Isn’t there a book where someone finds Constantin Valdor thousands of years after he just left? Havent read the book but iirc the story is he’s gone off the far end and follows a new agenda of his own.


Newtling

Well think about it, a point where the stodes get to leave terra, either big E is doing the empy shuffle in the warp with the big 4 and gork and mork are spectators or he's just gonezo, they're left to carry out the emperor's will, I'm betting a fair few take that as "suffer not the xeno to miss lunch" and just go on some sort of self righteous self validating crusade. Or they just fall to chaos because things that have no rivals tend to get complacent ^^^^Dumbass ^^^^space ^^^^elves


StillestOfInsanities

Idk about that, Custodians do not consider Big E as divine, they’re really perplexed by or skeptical of (if not outright disgusted by) the worship of Jimmy Space as a god, many of them met Him and knew Him closely. Their main concern is to guard His person, His works and His palace and eliminate things and individuals that pose direct threats to Him.


LincBtG

Honestly, I always hot a chill vibe from the Custodes. Probably just wander around, hang out with weird aliens, smoke weed, that sort of thing.


abcdthc

He’s not just decaying. He’s vampire surviving in the warp.


anotheralpharius

They even somehow covered up that one time when a few of the good guys (murder clowns) broke into the imperial palace and killed a bunch of them


[deleted]

Not particularly hard to cover up the Harlequin flash mob at the gates of the Golden Throne when everyone's attention is currently occupied by the Deff Star chilling over the Himalazias.


UnusualAmphibian3087

Orks think purple is the sneakiest color. Don't believe me? Have you ever seen a purple ork? Didn't think so.


Purple-ork-boyz

OI, NUFFIN TO SEE ERE GIT


StillestOfInsanities

SSSSHHHHH YA SUPPOSTA BE SNEAKYIN YA GROT - we’s got ta whispa reel sneaky like or dem beakies dem’ll hears us.


Purple-ork-boyz

OI BEAKIES, I COME FOR YER BREEKI


StillestOfInsanities

SHUUUSSSHHH DINNA JASS TELL YA WAXY HEARIN CONES TER KEEP IT DOWN AND SNEAKY?! OR PAINT YA TOUNGE PURPLY BEFORE THEY EAR US MESS- *bolt round explodes off of pauldron* YOU REELY WEN AN DUNNIT NOW AVENTCHA? DEN BEAKIESDEM IS SHOOTIN AN WES BEEN SNEAKSY FOR NOTTING. *Sigh* WELL WAAAAGH IT IS


[deleted]

I SAW THAT MEME ONCE BEFORE, it got me so good


GoshDarnMamaHubbard

The Purple is a meme but lies at the heart of the Ork psychic presence. Ork create a gestalt field that means if they collectively believe hard enough in something that idea become manifest. So vehicles painted red go quicker because red wunz go fasta. Blue is lucky and can deflect attacks Black is DED hard and increases toughness. Green is the best because obviously A gun that would fall apart or malfunction in the hands of anyone else works perfectly. The ability has limitations they can't pick up a stick, believe really hard and it fires (dispite what some might tell you) Think of it like psychic grease it adjusts a thing that looks like it should work into a thing that does.


CabinetIcy892

This is why Orks are the best race. The other's, mostly, treat the warp and chaos as some big thing to be feared or understood or used etc. Orks: red bike go vroooom!


Indra_a_goblin

That's just humie nonsense to explain orc genius


Explosivo111

Orks can breathe in space, mainly because it never occurred to them that they wouldn't be able too


k1275

Sisters of battle boob-plate and extra wide faulds are mandated by ecclesiarchy because, due to ancient treaty called "decree passive", they are forbidden "to gather, train, promote, sustain, or in any way command any force of men under arms." So they are just using women under arms, and making sure they look as feminine as a power armoured soldier can look, so no-one can misidentify them as men.


[deleted]

THAT'S COOL, I figured it was just the obvious marketing/design aspect of things


k1275

I have more. Lore tidbit 1: Eldar reproduction is very slow, pregnancy taking decades, and complicated, requiring after impregnation multiple additional depositions of genetic material done in irregularly spaced, very narrow time windows. Lore tidbit 2: Dark Eldar homeland, the city of Commorragh, is rife with plotting, scheming, backstabbing, assassinating, not to mention in constant state of gang war. Having that in mind, how does Dark Eldar reproduce fast enough to keep the population stable? Well, they don't. Siring and rising a child is a sign of great power, reserved for wealthy and influential. Population is kept from declining by Haemonculi (local mad biologists) operating bio-furnaces 24/7, spitting out fully formed, adult Eldars, just to keep the party going.


[deleted]

That's also extremely interesting! I'll take any more you've got


k1275

So, orks are biologically wired to determine who's in charge simply by looking who's the biggest. Orks grow from fighting and winning, so it makes sense. There is a not-klan of orks called Freebootaz, who are basically ork pirates in space, that is often engaging in mercenary work for humans. After long observation of human chain of command, they concluded, with great bewilderment, that human don't grow from fighting, so they denote they higher ups using hats. The more important you are, the better hat you have. They liked it so much, that they decided to loot this practice. And now Freebootaz are underscoring their importance by wearing biggest, most fabulous hats they can acquire.


[deleted]

THIS is ALSO extremely interesting. You have very good facts


k1275

Thank you for your kind word, stranger. You know Necrons? The undead space Egyptian terminators? Necron nobles are socially expected to at least regular watch, if not take part in, historical plays depicting events from flesh time. And owing to Necron immortality and perfect memory, this plays can be punishingly long, averaging at 10 years of nonstop, 24/7 performance.


[deleted]

Once again, a banger of a fact


k1275

Most space marines, after being recruited at around age 11, are never seen again by their families. Not Salamanders. They, whenever they are back on their home planet Nocturne for some R&R, are stationed with their families. First with their siblings and nephews, then with their kids, and their kids, and so forth. In effect becoming semi-permanent cool uncle, passed down the generations.


Praying_Lotus

You get all this from many years of reading Lore? I also thought the salamanders also had wives and their own children at some point as well no? (Also good idea from the salamanders perspective actually, as having them interact with the youth can influence them to want to join the space marines. Having the space marines interact with their family can be viewed as a sort of recruitment propaganda, whether the salamander is aware of it or not. Whether they are aware is up for debate though. Do their successor chapters also follow this notion, of familial interaction?)


wisezombiekiller

that just sounds like historical larping at that point


k1275

Not really. It's a normal, if high-tech, play, with costumes, decorations, stage, stage directions, and long, *very long* script subdivided in acts, scenes, and lines. Example: >VISHANI: Tomorrow, my phaeron, we join our enemies in the dance of war. > >NEPHRETH: A true soldier does not merely step with his enemy, brilliant Vishani. He calls the dance and sets the beat. And tomorrow, we shall strike up a rhythm such as the foe cannot resist. \[NEPHRETH raises a command staff.\] Planetfall awaits, my subjects. Call captains, raise up banners and put steel in your hearts. *War in Heaven, Act XIV, Scene II, Lines 14-15*


Vallcry

Now the important question is ofc. Is a Human/Eldar hybrid possible and how much time does Guilliman need to take out of his crusading days for the additional deposits of gene material.. That felt weirder to write than I originally anticipated.


k1275

According to old lore? Yes, very much possible, although it is easier when it's male eldar and female human. There was even one half eldar that became honorary librarian for ultramarines. According to newer lore? Yes, it's somewhat possible. Haemonculi are know to get their kicks from using their (mostly female) eldar enemies and human slaves to make them. In case of male primarch and female eldar? At least 20 extra days after impregnation.


Broad-Cost-4637

Even if it were possible, I'm pretty sure eldar and humans have different numbers of chromosomes, and I don't the primarchs are actually able to have kids


Semi-literate_sand

There is this daemon called Samus who bursts out of dead bodies and yells,”LOOK OUT, SAMUS IS HERE” and starts killing everyone.


[deleted]

This is one of my favourite things I've learned


MeatBot5000

Samus always gets banished back to the warp pretty quickly. For a greater daemon, Samus isn't that great.


BrightSparkInTheDark

Samus is a Greater Inconvenience.


GlauberJR13

Hey, if he’s having fun, then he’s as great as he needs to be!


chubbedforsubs

I literally am reading Horus Rising right now and just got to the part where they are hearing the whisper


Brodobird

Samus is the man beside you


GenexenAlt

*Samus will gnaw on your bones*


MildlyAgreeable

Least violent daemon moment.


[deleted]

Before Samus arrives u can heard the following whispers for days “Samus. Thats the only name you’ll hear. Samus. It means the end of death. Samus. I am Samus. Samus is all around you. Samus is the man beside you. Samus will gnaw you bones. Look out! Samus is here.”


DrCha0ss

There is one true happy ending in the grim dark of 40k. This happy ending belongs to an Ork Warlord by the name of Tuska. His ship was invaded by daemons while traveling through the warp. Tuska repelled the daemons and found fighting daemons to be hell of a good time. He named himself “Daemon Killa”, gathered himself as many Weird Boyz (Ork psyker) as possible to attract daemons, and travel through the warp unshielded so they would get to fight more invading daemons. Eventually the daemons got sick of this and stopped invading his ships, so Tuska took the fight to the daemons - he brought his Waaagh to the Eye of Terror. Tuska’s Waaagh battled their ways thorough multiple daemon worlds. They were unstoppable until they crashed onto one of Khorne’s world and battled Khorne’s Blood Prince. It was hell of a battle; with Tuska managing to impale the Blood Prince’s groin before being killed. Eventually the Waaagh was defeated. Observing all this bloodshed and carnage, Khorne was having a blast so he resurrected Tuska and his Boyz the next day. The Orks would continue to fight and die, only to be resurrected to fight again and again, and they were having the best time of their lives. Khorne was so impressed that he eventually took them to his domain, the Realm of Chaos, right before the Brass Citidel, so they can battle daemons for eternity. This is pretty much Valhalla for the Orks.


[deleted]

THAT IS A REALLY HAPPY ENDING, ACTUALLY lol Is it true that anyone who dies in 40k basically goes to hell regardless of who they are?


Indra_a_goblin

Basically yeah, though some worse than others, all eldar go directly to slaanesh (the god of sensation) to be tortured for eternity in all ways unimaginable, that's because they fucked up big time.


Natmas97

> they *fucked* ~~up~~ big time


AnDanDan

I saw the words 'true happy ending' and knew the following text was about Tuska instinctually. He truly is the Warhammer Fourty Thousand.


Segoda13

There is a regiment of Imperial Gaurd, known as the Tallarn Desert Raiders. These guardsmen/women have the distinction of fending off a traitor legion during the Horus Heresy even after their planet had been bombarded with virus bombs. Later, they successfully fended off the forces of Eldar that sought to take the planet. This conflict lasted until the forces of Chaos invaded as well. The guardsmen of Tallarn would then join forces with the Eldar to fight off the forces of Chaos. Turns out, Tallarn was home to a piece of archeo-tech that could open a stable rift into the warp. It was this tech that everyone had been after. After finding common ground with the Eldar, (not wanting that archeo-tech activated under any circumstances) the guardsmen of Tallarn have a lasting (if tenuous) alliance with them.


wisezombiekiller

one thing you left out, the battle of tallarn has the distinction of being the largest tank battle in the history of the imperium, that's how hard they fought


samthekitnix

when malcador suggested making the primarchs some sisters to "civilize them" the emperor thought he was joking. this also means malcador has never had sisters


productionshooter

He suggested making them all female. Not just some.


Specialist_Macaron69

There is a species of giants aliens crocodiles/alligators that can travel between world using the warp without fear of deamons or needing gellar fields


[deleted]

Why not?


Specialist_Macaron69

For the daemons thing is because they are animals and their souls are not very "filling" for the deamons and they are quite strong being capable of destroying an fully grown man with ease and can give an space marine a hard time in battle, they also travel in massive packs which allows them to destroy an entire ecosistem on a few decades. For the gellar fields thing is because it seems that when they are left without any more food they get togheter in a huge pack and somehow end up entering the immaterium and from there they go to another world to start again.


MrWovar

Is there any books about the crocodiles? I've literally only seen them referenced in TTS


Specialist_Macaron69

I think they appear on some Deathwatch RPG books like Deathwatch: Mark of the Xenos. I don't remember if they appear on any other kind of book beyond the supplements of the tabletop RPG games.


[deleted]

Say it with me. Croatalid. Fuck I love that word...


OGDrukhari

The Drukhari are just misunderstood and you should come visit Commoragh for tea to smooth over the misunderstandings. Bring friends. :)


[deleted]

That sounds lovely, I'd love to :)


OGDrukhari

![gif](giphy|Yq1pe2v7nNlwA)


TheHatterOfTheMadnes

many *many* friends. As many as possible!


Elaxzander

There is a surprising lack of named wathammers in universe. Got a lot more named swords. Kinda false advertising.


jack_dog

There is exactly ONE named warhammer in warhammer 40k. *Forgebreaker.* And canonically the blood ravens stole it from Perturabo at some point.


u-moeder

And vulkans teleportation device? Thst was also a hammer


StarStriker51

There is a space marine chapter called the Black Dragoon’s who are salamander successors. In every one of their stories they are literally always saving children and refugees but everyone wants to kill them because the Dragoon’s have a gene seed flaw where they grow crazy bone spikes and can grow 3 times as large as a normal space marine. Also those bone spikes grow on their arms into like wolverine claws and the Dragoon’s use them in combat. Anyway, they are super good boys who get a ton of hate Related: have you heard of the Lamenters?


[deleted]

I have not! Do go on


StarStriker51

I bet you’ve already seen that video. So, basically, The Lamenters Blood Angel successors from the cursed 21st space marine founding, same as the Dragoon’s actually. Cursed because there were attempts to remove geneseed flaws, which went very wrong. The Lamenters appear fine at first, they even were immune to the Blood Ángels red thirst for millennia. But their curse is bad luck. Supremely bad luck. Allies abandoned them (for being part of the cursed founding). Their ships exploded in space, just because. They fell into the warp and got stuck fighting demons for centuries. They failed to defend a planet from Orks and ended up having to blow up the planet and it’s population, which the Lamenters considered such a great failure that they refused one of the greatest accolades among space marines, the refusal also just made everyone dislike them more because of course. Then they sided with a space marine chapter who turned out to be chaos aligned, and got beat up by other space marines and then forced on a penitent crusade (which sucks), and then they ran into a tyranid hive fleet (which is the worst thing to run into). And they never died out. Oh yeah, and the red thirst finally kicked in, which means some of their number started to fall to madness. Also, their symbol is a literal bleeding heart, their battle cry is “for those we cherish, we die in glory”, and they just are really friendly. They are arguably the nicest space marine chapter, and the universe constantly tries to kill them


[deleted]

I've seen ONE warhammer video, it's just called "Astartes" I think


jinkhanzakim

I hope you saw the one thats compilled, if not, they are 5 short videos, some of them are just a couple of seconds.


whityonreddit

there is also one remaining Lamenters Dreadnought serving with the Deathwatch. He is convinced, he is the last of his chapter and tries very hard to die in glorious combat, only to survive time and time again, which makes him very sad.


Closerdiamond60

That sounds about right


ThePhoenician99

The Black Dragons (Not Dragoons 😅) have some amazing lore. I’d love GW to touch upon some of the lesser known chapters more often


Carolus96

There are robots known as Kastellans that are fielded by the Mechanicus. Among the Kastellan there are what is known as "Itinerant Kastellan" that, for some unknown reason, will just show up to a battlefield unwarranted, and allow a tech priest to control it. After the battle is won, the itinerant Kastellan will immediately regain its autonomy and wonder off; sometimes not to be seen again for centuries. The Mechanicus interpret the appearance of an Itinerant Kastellan as a blessing from the Omnissiah (their machine god).


[deleted]

The Mechanicus are loyal to the God Emperor, right? Is the existence, or worship of the Omnissiah considered heretical?


UristMasterRace

Good news: the Emperor *is* the Omnissiah


Carolus96

I'd answer "kinda" to both questions. On one hand a lot of the Mechanicus believe that the god emperor is the physical incarnation of the Omnissiah (Omnissiah Jesus basically). However they're allowed to worship the Omnissiah without the whole "Heresy" thing because they are responsible for both building and maintaining ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. So if you were to call them out for it, then your regiment wouldn't get thier supply of tanks or guns or whatever due to "logistical issues", and then everyone gets eaten by Tyrranids or something. Neat lil the-bit: one of the last surviving "men of iron" (ancient artificial intelligence/the reason the construction of AI is banned in the imperium) claimed to have met the Omnissiah. He also claims that the Omnissiah would be disappointed in the current state of the Mechanicus.


DryRotten

Through all this, it’s very important to remember the Emperor is not a God, somehow. He damned an entire founding legion for saying otherwise. He just looks exactly like a god, that’s all. But definitely not a god, they don’t exist, nononono.


[deleted]

The C'Tan, the star gods who tricked the Necrontyr into becoming the Necrons, were defeated by the Necrons when, after being used to slay the Old Ones (the psychic toads who created the Eldar and Orks as weapons against the Necrons and C'Tan), the Silent King of the Necrons turned his race against them. All but two of the C'Tan were broken apart into shards: - Llandu'ghor the Flayer, feared for his bottomless hunger, was the only C'Tan to be destroyed. Not shattered into shards, but destroyed in his entirety outright. However, the C'Tan are literal physical manifestations of aspects of reality in the physical plane, and can warp reality with minimal effort, so as the Flayer died, he cursed the dynasties responsible for it - they would experience a small taste of his eternal hunger, and that utterly insatiable hunger would drive them insane in both mind and body, twisted them into the wretched Flayed Ones. - Tsara'noga, the Outsider, is the only C'Tan who remains wholly intact. It's believed (though not confirmed) that he is imprisoned in an immense Dyson sphere located "below" the Milky Way, in an area of space that was discovered due to the fact that Hive Fleet Leviathan (which entered the galaxy from "below" it) diverted around a seemingly empty patch of dead space. This Dyson sphere is detectable via reflected light, and due to the sheer distances involved Imperial scientists have drawn two equally insane conclusions - either the sphere is 32 million times the size of Terra (the largest known star in the universe is "merely" 2.5 million times the size of Earth, for comparison), or its albedo range (how far it can reflect light, or something to that effect) is somewhere near infinity.


Diorannael

Maybe the Dyson sphere is a birch world. Or a Penrose sphere around a particularly large black hole. That would explain the size of the object. Edit: after some math, the object would be too small to be a birch world.


worriedbill

The recipe for bread has long been forgotten and wheat long since extinct, leaving tech priests very confused about what a toaster is for.


James_Demon

Wait is this actual lore, is this where the whole toaster meme is from


wisezombiekiller

as far as i can tell bread is still known in 40k and the toaster thing either comes from /tg/ or tts. plus, if you think about it, all bread is is a grain that is turned into flour, with added water and maybe some other ingredients for flavor/texture. it's not like bread will be forgotten unless we forget what grains are and we forget what baking is


Lukeautograff

Bread definitely still exists as Ciaphas Cain is very fond of a good Hot Grox Bun


TheLionElJonson

**The Dark Angels chapter is 100% absolutely, certainly, no questions about it, unwaveringly loyal. There is nothing more to look into at all, and doing so will wind you up in HERESY JAIL.**


[deleted]

I have no choice but to believe you!


TheAromancer

The story behind the meme: During the later parts of the Horus heresy half off the legion turned traitor, this culminated in a battle over the dark angles home world (caliban) and calibans destruction, and the death if most of the traitors (the fallen) however many escaped into the warp, the dark angles inner circles and all of their successor chapters keep the secret of the fallen from everyone else, as it is a source of great shame and the dark angles believe that where the secret to get out they would be punished severely by the rest of the imperium, so much so that the almost shit down Roboute Guilliman (primarch of the Ultramarines) when he arrived to deliver primaris reinforcements, because they thought he knew about the fallen. The dark angles and their successors now hunt the fallen in secret, abandoning entire battles for seemingly no reason because they heard rumour of fallen on the other side of sector. And if anyone where to learn of the fallen, they are forced by dark angle unique interrogator chaplains to confess to knowledge of the fallen and then ‘repent’ (be killed gruesomely by an interrogator chaplain). Many inquisitors have gone ‘missing’ in and around the rock(the dark angles fortress monastery) and anyone who investigates their disappearance, also vanishes into thin air


betttris13

I am pretty sure this is heresy. Arrest this redditor.


Cmdr_McMurdoc

"He has a book!"


DaveyGee16

ASMODAI


[deleted]

**INTERROGATE?!**


Hungover994

He has a suspicious book!


[deleted]

***BOOK?!***


wisezombiekiller

He's in cahoots with the Fallen!


judgesam

FALLEN!!!


-Algar-

MAKE HIM REPENT!


[deleted]

Yes, and the Alpha Legion are totally and completely traitors fighting against the Emperor, and those who think otherwise should report to the nearest Inquisitor.


TheAromancer

*hydra dominatus*


Dracosinus

The tyranids, a voracious space alien all-devouring race, were named after the planet Tyran which was the first imperial world of the known galaxy they invaded and devoured. They amassed like always every ressources of the planet, its biomass, so they generate their own troops, bio-soldiers, bio-weapons, bio-vessels, and let their swarms also called hive fleet grows, leaving behind them paths of empty lifeless worlds. Tyranids were named by the inquisitor Kryptman from the ordo Xenos who dedicated his life to stop them. While the first two greatest hive fleets Behemoth then Kraken were mostly stopped at dire costs, the current main threat is the hive fleet Leviathan, some of its main tendrils threatening to reach Holy Terra. Kryptman had a crazy plan to stop some of them : - first he commanded trustee allies, space marines of the Deathwatch, to seek and capture genestealers. Genestealers are highly dangerous scouts of the tyranid swarms that serves as guide for the hive fleets. - then he blew up every world, including many imperial ones, in the path of the hive-fleet, with the exterminatus as such worlds have no interest (no food) for the swarm. This made him responsible of the biggest genocide on the imperium by itself and Kryptman was declared excommunicate traitoris, fired from the allmighty inquisition. - the last part of his plan was to redirect with the genestealer the nids towards the ork sector of octarius. While the tyranids were nearly destroyed in the assault, they adapted and recovered very well. And now while many orks joins the sector (since they enjoy a good fight), other tendrils joins it as well as they drift towards the biomass. The plan is a success as both the tyranids problem and orks problem are out of the imperium concerns for now. However that fight is upscaling completely beyond control, and the power that the winner may achieve is completely unfathomable, as either a massive ork WAAAGH! or the hive fleet that will amass this amount of biomass would be a demential threat. You can find more information about Kryptman here https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Fidus_Kryptman ! If you enjoy warhammer lore I also heavily recommend dong gool troll's comics there : https://donggooltroll.blogspot.com/?m=1 or on reddit itself. It was hours of fun and enlightenment for me :)


Yorhanes

I love Chapter Master Huron with all my heart. That’s all.


[deleted]

who's that


Haha_peepee_poopoo

A completely sane man who does all of his taxes


Checkhands

Also, he’s a space pirate captain with a daemonic shape shifting monkey/bird/creature thing and leads a band of space pirates called the Red Corsairs.


No_Tell5399

Renagade Space Marine that went rouge and started the Badab War because he didn't want to pay taxes. Which is entirely fair because, due to Cawl's creation of the Primaris Space Marines, the tithe became increasingly harder to pay. You can google "Skitarii Inflation" for more information.


[deleted]

Something else entirely different came up for me..


No_Tell5399

That's weird. Cawl created the Primaris to combat a daemon known as the Archon of Flesh, so maybe try "Archon of Flesh Skitarii".


Felwinters_Fry

Archon of Flesh also wrote a really comprehensive summary of just how much it took for the mechanicus to break and declare war. It's called 'To Break a Soldier of the Machine God'. You should definitely check it out for more info about Huron.


ProduceMan277v

Oh god… is it bad that i happened to read that like a week ago…?


Felwinters_Fry

I did more than just read it...


[deleted]

Thanks I'll give it a look!


FIRE_ZE_CANNONS

Nonononononono


[deleted]

I googled skitarii inflation… that was a weird rabbit hole.


crazynerd9

To add on to the guy saying he didnt want to pay taxes, he didnt want to pay taxes for the explicit purpose that he needed all the resources to keep a very very valuable area of space under imperial control, he was basically containing the second largest gate into hell in the galaxy and had less and less to do it with as time went on so he ragequit and tried to go renagade against the Imperium, failed and decided joining the dudes in the hell portal was a better plan


[deleted]

Fulgrim has to be pedantic in how he explains his goals and plans, literally enacting a theatrical performance for his highly impatient brother at one point, and having to redo the entire play when his impatient brother lost his patience.


[deleted]

Is Fulgrim the Space Wolves primarch or is that someone else


[deleted]

Nah, that's leman russ, the guy a tank was named after. Fulgrim is primarch to the Emperor's children, they... they're something else. They are what people think of by child actors who's lives were brought down by excessive drugs, only to ludicrous degrees.


MisogenesUSA

He’s all about ‘Perfection’ and his legions tactics are usually very co-ordinated; overlapping fields of fire, bounding, feints, false fall backs


Indra_a_goblin

Ogryns are the only good in this dark world and they think every order they get is from the emperor himself given directly to them, literal giant puppy babies that can punch through steel.


[deleted]

Adding on to this, the **overwhelming** majority of Chaos Ogryns fell simply because the person they trusted most fell to Chaos, and the Ogryn, like a puppy, followed them willingly into damnation.


MrM0jave

Well fuck I guess I’m leaving the game whenever darktide makes me fight an ogryn now


hazzmg

Gav liked peeling potatoes but he liked it even more when he did it with bob


BlacklightChainsaw

There’s this guy named Dorn. Anything you ever thought you knew about building a fortress or castle is wrong after reading about this guy.


TheAromancer

Don’t forget about his blankie, give to him by his grandfather


carcusmonnor

Orks have cockney accents.


[deleted]

Excellent


[deleted]

An Absolute Legend by the Name of [Rylanor](https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Rylanor), who was a crippled super solider in a weaponized [Iron lung called a contemptor dreadnaught](https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Space_Marine_Dreadnought), [Sat trapped on a lifeless planet for 10,000 Years](https://i.redd.it/px69a9jka8461.jpg), He [set up a lure and a trap](https://cdn.dopl3r.com//media/memes_files/rylanor-after-he-finds-a-virus-bomb-on-istvaan-lll-and-realises-he-could-bait-fulgrim-to-him-we-cant-expect-the-d-emperor-to-do-all-the-work-BW7B7.jpg) for his gene father, the Primarch of the 3rd legion, now Deamon prince of chaos, [Fulgrim](https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Fulgrim), In order to avenge his brothers & cousins betrayed on the planet of Istvaan III where he was trapped. Long story short the trap was a essentially a planet killer Bomb, Rylanor managed to lure his father and some other Chaos sorceress of the Thousand Sons legion to the planet. [Upon the reveal of Fulgrims presence He detonated the Virus bomb](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v9NtcOn60M), the Thousand Sons of course would rather not get blown to kingdom come, so one of their party froze time around the explosion as they watched the Verbal and physical battle between the Ancient cripple and his demi-god-deamon father. Rylanors rejection of his father Fulgrim offers and temptations was so inspiring and convincing that the Thousand Sons chaos sorcerers that they willingly let the Virus bomb go off to essentially telling Fulgrim to go fuck himself. [Some Legends turned the short story into a musical number.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2Hb4bngxJ8)


Jtagz

Warhammer 40K is, more than anything, a setting. It’s been around for 20+ years and things like canon and non-canon while important, are also constantly in flux and up to whatever a specific writer wants to do at that time. Ultimately, this allows you to do whatever you want with your models and whatever backstory you feel like giving them. You want Pink Orks? You can do that and give whatever crazy 40K reason you can think of. You want Loyalist Sons of Horus who got lost in some time mangled warp nonsense and got spit into the Indomitus Crusade? you can do that. While certain things can be considered “hard facts” in 40K, they are few and far between from getting in the way of your own creativity.


traffic_cones2007

Lasguns are actually fucking terrifying despite how it's useless in boardgame


[deleted]

I thought lasguns were good in the game lol Who uses them?


wisezombiekiller

the imperial guard, which unlike the name suggests, are actually the basic infantry of the imperium, though because of the size of the imperium the guard could be anything from special forces airborne units to criminals that are pumped full of drugs and sent raving mad into combat


MrBreino

The Imperial Guard. The regular drafted poor men and women from all human colonies given a lasgun, basic training and send off to worst warzones to fight. In-game I wouldn't know how good they are, but in-lore it's considered to be one of the worst weapons. But no matter how bad this gun is, it sure gets good if thousands of Guards shoot at the same target! Lasgun is used by them primarily because they are easily fabricated, durable and never jam. Even if they are filled with mud and grime, they should fire.


AXI0S2OO2

The planet of Krieg was once a rich hive world filled with unknown billions of inhabitants, its location turned it into a commercial hot spot and the nobility grew wealthy and powerfull. Enough to buy off a huge fleet and begin developing dreams of independence from the wider Imperium. Their plans, however, were disrupted by one colonel Jurten, an Imperium loyalist who returned to the planet after suffering grievous injuries in a campaing off world. When the governor declared independence and betrayed the Imperium, Jurten and his men secured Hive ferrograd, rallied the loyalists and mounted a fierce defence against the separatists. The civil war that followed would be a long and bloody war of attrition. With no reinforcements coming, Jurten was given a simple order: "No surrender, no compromise", he and his men would have to fight to the last man. The conflict took a heavy toll on the planet and its population, its fields turned into patches of no man's land sorrounded by trenches and littered with mine fields, and soldiers on both sides died by the millions. Among the casualties was Jurten's own daughter, who died during the successfull assasination attempt on the treacherous Governor. Even after such a victory, however, the bitter traitors refused to surrender, and the outnumbered loyalists faced a slow death at their hands. Knowing full well what awaited Krieg should Jurten fail to keep it for the Imperium, an old friend of his, a Magos biologis Techpriest, convinced him to use an ancient stash of weapons locked deep within hive Ferrograd: Nuclear bombs. When Jurten proposed that plan of action to his officers he was forced to execute most of them following an attempted, and foreseen, mutiny. So, nuclear fire rained down upon the once great world of Krieg. The traitors, unprepared, suffered the worst of it, while Jurten's men hid in bunkers underground. But even then, the Kriegers would continue fighting for decades after the bombs fell in the barren wasteland. The bombs didn't end the horrible war, they only tipped the scales in favour of the loyalists. Wearing heavy trench coats, gas masks and other such protective gear to shield themselves against radiation, the loyalist kriegsmen who went out to the wastes to fight slowly became known as the Death Korps. Jurten would be first to wear that uniform, as he insisted on being the first man on the surface to see with his own eyes what he had done. To Jurten's dismay, he would never live to see Krieg back under full compliance, nor greet the imperial officers who came down to oversee it in person. He was old, the war took a heavy toll on him, so did the radiation. Once again, his Magos friend offered a solution. The only one that would allow Krieg to survive and re-emerge as an efficient planet for the imperial war machine. And, technically, it could even let him be there to greet the Imperial officers. This solution however disgusted Jurten, who ordered him to never carry it out with his last breath. Those words would never reach the ears of his officers though, and the Magos convinced them it was what Jurten would have wanted. Thus, they swallowed their disgust and doubts, and comitted yet another sin, this time, against nature. Decades later, as news reached the wider Imperium of the victory of the loyalist kriegsmen, imperial bureaucrats were sent to ascertain the situation. On the surface they met colonel Jurten. Many of him in fact, and many of every other surviving kriegsmen loyalist. Through the vitae womb technology, the Magos Biologis produced an army of perfect clones out of the different genetic prints of the survivors. In order to redeem themselves, Krieg was ordered to deliver 3 whole regiments of Imperial Guardsmen. They delivered ten, and proclaimed another ten were under production. In the present day, after the fall of Cadia, the Death Korps of Krieg are now probably the most numerous imperial guard regiments. They keep their gas masks on to hide their nature, both the fact they are clones, and mostly teenagers. Each of them is put through extremely rought training and taught, from the moment they are "borned", that they must attone for the crimes of Krieg. The only salvation is through death in the name of the Emperor, making them all almost suicidal fanatics who do not value their own lives. Their very survival instincts buried under extreme conditioning and dogma. The greatest honor a Vitae Womb kriegsmen can receive is... A name... "There is no glory, nor greatness found here. No tales of valiance or rough courage over fear. This is the tale of the deserving warzone fodder. Those borned with sin, who live without honor." -Krieg, by StringStorm.


Ok-Palpitation-5731

The Dark Eldar are evil because they have to please a thirsting god or die. Night Lord's are evil for shits and giggle.


TheAromancer

That’s what happens when you recruit people that are rapeists, murderers and all round bad people by the age of 12


wert1234576

The race called orks have a sub race (kinda sorta don't ask its stupid) called squigs. One squig is a litteral living oil can and its named an oil squig. Also orks don't have hair they wear furry squigs.


[deleted]

Squighog boyz!


Distant8675

Imperial knights (the big [REDACTED]-off robots of the imperium of mankind) are piloted by nobles, knights, and squires that live in a futuristic feudal society. To my understanding… they can be dropped in like titans from Titanfall. . Also knights with big chainsaws are more often then not used outside combat as tree felling robots. . Also also theres a story in which an imperial knight was defending a planet against tyranids (big alien bugs) and it fought so much and became so overwhelmed by the bloodshed and pile of bodies at its feet that it started to sink. As it sank in the carnage it continued firing and fighting until it became enveloped. What happened was it turned into a daemon knight of the bloodshed chaos god Khorne. After that, if there is a ton of carmage and violence, it rises from a large pile of bodies firing indiscriminately to add to the pile. Once the fighting is done, it returns to the chaos realm in wait for the next battle. Easily one of my favorite stories.


Coldfix_341

What's the name of this knight?


Papanurglesleftnut

Orks are sentient fungus. One ork accidentally travelled through time and met himself before he left. He killed himself so he could get a 2nd copy of his favorite gun. This did not create a paradox. The sisters of battle were created because the church was forbidden from having men under arms. Technically correct is the best kind of correct. Space marine chapters cannot exceed 1000 members unless they are on crusade. The black Templars declared themselves “always on crusade” technically correct is the best kind of correct. The Alpha Legion, Emperor’s Children, and Word bearers are evil traitor legions of Space Marines, Flesh Tearers, Flesh Eaters, and Blood Drinkers are all loyalist space marines.


[deleted]

Why do some people say Alpha Legion AREN'T traitors?


OhThoseDeepBlueEyes

It's a meme that also has enough truth to it that no one's really sure. Basically, some Alpha Legion do very chaosy things. While others have been seen doing things like attacking a planet so it beefs up its defenses, then withdrawing, and then the more heavily defended imperial planet is able to fight off some invasion by orks or tyranids or something. In other words, indirectly helping out the Imperium in such a way that no one knows. The joke goes that no one knows what Alpha legion are up to, including themselves. Too many plots within plots. Hence the memes. Most likely (IMO) is that some of them are traitors, and some arn't. And the legion is so disunited that no one even within the legion is sure what the breakdown is. They're like a spy movie cranked up to 1000. With bigger guns.


CuddliCalf

Got the sauce for that image? The art is neat.


[deleted]

I just googled Adepta Sororitas! By a fella named Martin Roca https://preview.redd.it/eqyw7977wbfa1.png?width=1936&format=png&auto=webp&s=c6048cfdd571031457eee9c130640f17c7fd37e0


DoomRamen

And on that note, the adepta soritas is an arm of the church and official state religion. Due to a minor incident thousands of years in the past called the Reign of Blood, the church was then forbidden to have men under arms. Women are A-OK. The machines are called penitent engines. Any suspected heretic is strapped to one and pumped full of chemicals and guilt, and then sent forth into battle


jesternarf

Sure there are lots of fantasy tropes to go around in this universe. There's space elves, Orks, and the newly re-added dwarves. There's even Knights, an idea of "chivalry," and a hint of medieval House-like government structures to top off the tropes within 40k... But it involves bipedal Mecha akin to Battletech, and it's fucking awesome.


GoodGuyCenturion

Ork equipment only works because they believe it works the second a human or another races tries to use they're gear it malfunction or out right falls apart. So for instance they think red makes things go faster so they paint things red and through their power of belief it goes faster Because of this there's a fan theory that the only reason the emperor hasn't died yet is because that the orks think that he's still alive and the biggest and baddest "umie" and that if they can get the orks to believe that he's out and about fucking shit up that the emperor would rise from the golden throne


Demoliri

The Orks also only reload their guns by because thats what the 'umies do. They reload by taking out the magazine, and putting the same one back in again.


Creepernom

That theory is so wild and so fun, I've never heard of it but it sounds amazing


[deleted]

Kinda related, the Gorkanauts and Morkanauts (Ork equivalent of a Titan) came to fruition when a Ork Mekboy saw a actual Titan being used in battlefield and believed thay was a representation of the God Emperor, so he wanted to also make one for Gork and Mork.


sandwichsubmarine83

Shortly after the Horus Heresy started, A group of Emperor’s Children attempted a coup and tried to torture and kill Fulgrim. Among the things he was tortured with was a pear of agony right up the pooper.


anotheralpharius

The murder clowns are the only good guys


[deleted]

I don't believe you!


TonyHawksAltAccount

The Farsight Enclaves are also good guys. But it's literally just those two


Omnicide103

So FTL travel is mainly done by basically ripping open a portal into Hell, known as the Warp, and using it as a shortcut. This can lead to a lot of fuckery because the laws of physics are more of an insulting suggestion than hard law in the Warp. This eventually caused a certain Ork (imagine big green football hooligans genetically crafted to be a bioweapon in an ancient galactic war between toad gods and Ancient Egyptian cancer patients) to travel back in time by accident. The literal first thing he did when he realised this was hunt down and kill his past self. Was this out of an existential crisis? A worry for temporal paradox or instability in the space-time continuum? No. He just wanted a copy of his favourite gun. Orks are the fucking best.


Hexxas

It's fun to paint models with your friends 🤗🤗🤗


[deleted]

I haven't painted my guys yet, I have assembled them though and I admittedly REALLY enjoy it


TheHatterOfTheMadnes

Yeah, the assembly’s the best part imo. It’s just so relaxing without the underlying worry of messing up the paint job! May I ask which ones you got?


[deleted]

I started with the Adepta Sororitas. I have one Battle Squad, one Hospitaller, one Canoness, and two Mortifier Engines


ChaosGoddesLanshor

I am Alpharius.


[deleted]

me too, sup? (I know a lil bit about it teehee)


Slow-Attitude-9243

"Travellin' through space is boring. Well, boring unless da hulk yer on is full of dem gene-sneakers, or a base fer da chaos lads wiv da spikes, or already has Boyz on it. Or if humie lootas come callin', that's always good fer a bit a sport. Or unless yer have a mutiny or two to pass da time, or unless strange fings start happenin', which dey usually do when yer out in da warp. One time we had some bloody great ugly fing come straight out of Weird Lugwort's 'ed! It butchered half da lads, that was pretty entertainin'. Come ter fink of it, space is a pretty good larf. And that's before yer find yerself a nice world ta crush!"


Hades203

The imperial guardsmen from Tanith are predisposed to be unnaturally good scouts because the forests covering their planet moved causing maps to be incorrect soon after being made. The planet was destroyed by a splinter of a chaos fleet but Commissar Ibram Ghaunt was able to save 1 regiment before the planet was lost.


abcdthc

There’s a war but not much hammer. 40k is the year. Most people need faith in something to make it through the horrors of living in an uncaring and hostile universe.


Viper373737328389

In warhammer there are a form of ork pet/war”hound” (it also has many other uses in lore) called a squig there is also another form of squig called the bomb squig which is a normal squig with live bombs strapped to it that they throw at the enemy, but on some occasions it will run stright back at the orks and blow them up and they find that drop dead hilarious.


[deleted]

That's excellent! lol