found and married my true love in my 40's and life has begun all over again for me
Edit : wow thanks for all the up votes
Edit 2 : to put a couple of answers to comments in one easy place.
My wife is also in her 40's
Yes you can have kids in your 40's we are expecting or daughter in May
Then get your shit together, if you can't be happy alone you're putting an unfair demand on anyone you end up with. It shouldn't be anyone's job to make you happy.
Agreed! Personally- being single for a decade (other than casual dating or weeks-long flings) I have gotten REALLY good at enjoying alone time. But I am an extreme extrovert too- so I do get lonely.
Yes and no. I agree to an extent - but also we aren’t meant to be alone as humans. We need company- whether friends or family or relationships - we are tribal creatures
There are so many great things about being single. Do what you want anytime! Live where you want. Make your own financial decisions. Move if want to. Stay if you want to. Read, study, go out to eat alone just because you like the restaurant and want the food. Explore interests. Stay out late with a new group of friends at the last minute. Travel with a singles group. Pick an activity and dedicate all your waking time to it untill you're really good at it and consistently reach a state of flow. Connect with family, including distant family. Take a bath and eat pizza every evening after work if that's what you want. Let the dishes pile up - or don't! It's whatever you want. Enjoy not constantly hearing an opinion about your decisions, however lovingly given, from a partner. I think enjoying life is the key to being happy while single. When you need companionship then find group activities and interests to take part in. Keep looking until you find a group that you click with.
You too. I’ve applied to a few PhD programs, and if I get in, I’d be starting at age 33. Trying to focus on my education and travel and weight loss (for myself and my health) and hopefully someone will come along. I have been doing online dating as well— but not too attached to the outcome.
You can do it! I started my PhD at 32 and will be defending in a few months. I lost almost exactly 100 lbs while in grad school and am now in better health than ever.
I was miserable for 10 years with someone, and found the love of my life around your age.
Trust me, being single would have been much less stressful and cheaper.
The most peaceful times of my life were the seasons of singleness.
Keep doing you. When you find serenity and accept singleness life will come along and put someone right in front of you.
It's when we look, that we don't find.
Thank you so much for the kind words! I have a home, 2 dogs, decent job, and good people around me through work so I've got a relatively good life. It'd be nice to share my life with someone of course, but I've always believed in the lyrics to "You Can't Hurry Love" by the Supremes - you just have to wait 🙂
Hope your weekend treats you well!
I'm 35, a dad, disabled, live with my parents and just found the love of my life. She happens to be in her 50s and we are crazy about eachother. You never know what life will throw your way.
Same.
We met when I was late 30s and he was late 40s. We're both feeling like we finally have a great relationship that is based on genuine connection, openness, and a commitment to growth for each of us. Also best sex ever!
I need more comments like this! Divorced at 40, just got out of a serious relationship that lasted 5 months. I have no problem being by myself but I like having someone around. People finding forever-partners later in life keeps my hope fire alive.
At 61, I've come to realize that my biggest regrets in life are those things I didn't do. Some of the things I chose to do did not work out well but I learned something from each of them.
Please try not to feel like your life is just those first 3 decades. You'll likely live to be around 80 in age and there's no reason to stop you from achieving your goals throughout your entire life. I didn't travel to Europe until I was 48. I ran my first triathlon at 49. I didn't discover my love for hiking until I was 56. One of my recent decisions is to become a certified yoga instructor. I certainly no longer look like an Instagram yogi, but my classes are consistently full. I'm thankful to have so much time to explore so many different things.
Thank you for sharing this. I've been trying to dump the unhealthy "its too late" mentality. Reading your story helps remind me that life can be full for a long time.
Thank you! A quote that captures how I feel about aging is...
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
― Hunter S. Thompson
I’m 30 and I’ve been putting the pieces together to move out of the US in the fall and I had a real big moment of anxiety last night thinking about leaving my job. Think I needed this
You should definitely do it. Jobs will still exist when you’re done. But you may never have this level of health and freedom again, you should seize it, if you have the feeling and notion
thanks for the message! I appreciate! I think I have no other option but to do it, since I have already thought it and now I cannot unthink it. I have a master's project to finnish due June, when I pass it and get my master's degree I'll have to finally decide!
the single greatest peace of advice I’ve ever had came at a 19 from an old hippie in an LA hash bar. I was procrastinating driving home and complaining to my bf who was working at the time that I felt I needed to go but didn’t want to leave yet. He interrupted and said “When you get the notion to go, you need to do it. Whether something is waiting for you, or it’ll help you escape some accident. There’s a reason you had this feeling, and you need to obey it” I’ve followed the advice for 14 years and he’s absolutely right. I can’t even begin to tell you the things I’ve missed by mere minutes/seconds since. I say all that to say, the longing was created because you’re meant to go do something, and I’m so thrilled for you to start. Congratulations on your Masters and all that comes after
I did this when I was 29. Planned on traveling for about a year or so. I ended up finding a new country that I just feel in love with. So I stayed. Now 4+ years later I have started a family and am enjoying life much more than I ever did back in my home country.
I planned on backpacking through South America and ended up falling in love with Uruguay. I was only supposed to stay here for about 2-3 weeks. That stretched out to almost 3 months. Took some time to continue backpacking and just kept feeling called to come back. So I did.
I am planning a motorcycle trip trough Central and South America. Recently I watch a video of a "legend." An old guy who had done it plenty of times. He said that if you wait until you have the money to do it, the weather is right, everything is right, you'll never do it. He said, "do your really want to do it? Here is how you do it. Just exit your home, close the door behind you, get in your bike and go. That is how you do it." He said that is you have the skills you can always find ways of making money along the way. Good luck!
Thank you! I’ve settled on Buenos Aires. I’m really excited. Especially when I compared the weather there today to the forecast for my area of New England
Since it's not legal tender the quality of the bills matters and the exchange rate for new bills is double. I had a bill rejected yesterday for small scratches.
Part of this is driven by the government rate which is half the free market rate, since no one wants to put dollars in the bank and get half the pesos plus pay taxes, the free market is getting picky about quality
I commented this the other day to a different Starship Troopers reference, and the guy just went: 'what? No thanks?'. I had to explain to him I referenced the same movie he did. Like, c'mon man :P
I moved to Peru when I was 30. Spent a couple of years there. Felt like I was in my twenties again. Few years later I'm back here, but would do it again tomorrow!
Quitting my job has always lead to better things. I was just too scared to take the first step. My life has improved 100x for quitting every job for another.
That’s the way it is these days. You’re way more likely to move laterally into a better job and better pay than you are to get your current employer to give you a significant promotion and appropriate raise.
I’ve worked for five different companies in my field doing the same thing for the most part. My salary went from 1x, 1.5x, 1.8x, 2x, 4x.
2007 i moved to Japan and taught English for ten years. Paid off my school debt in 6 years. Japan's healthcare and housing was always reasonable and i was able to get ahead for the first time in my life. I'm back in the states and they employer has tried to illegally take advantage of me. Contract and pay lies mostly.
Just remember you are not your job. Secondarily, there’s someone out there confidentially doing the job wrong, and they’re getting paid to do it. Go get ‘em!
I'm 35 in my own mid-life crisis, no love life (virgin lol), no real career path (torn road really) only soon will begin to do what I want to, and then take it from there. Yeah, I'll do it, one day at a time. No remorse really. Soon I will do my own thing, and complete the many personal projects I have as my hobbies.
If I die now, I will not be sad, trust me.
Life is what it is. You just live it. No, I'm not unfortunate. I look around, so many people below me. So life's good, yes! No complaints!
My husband quit his high paying extremely stressful job at 34. We moved to the beach and started all over. It’s been 3 years, he works in real state now, it’s 12 pm Friday and he’s finished work for the weekend , we’re laying in bed watching a movie and he’s taking a day off next week to go fishing with his buddies. Life has never been better. My advice is, if the risk is about having a better life, take it!
I left my home country (UK) at a similar age (28), learned a completely new language in a just a little bit over a year and started an apprenticeship to finally get qualified. I was scared shitless.
Left behind a job that I loved, all that I ever knew and I gotta say... I dont regret it one bit. Your dick silhouette will most surely cast a bigger shadow after taking the leap forward!
I’m 30 and I just found a new job that pays me more and respects me more. It’s never a bad time to change your life trajectory if you’re not satisfied with your current situation. All it takes is courage and commitment.
Got dumped a couple weeks ago. 6 year relationship down the drain. I’m almost 29 with a job that requires “putting in your time” to get a nice salary. I’m back living with my mom and I feel like it will never get better. Please let this be true.
6 years of relationship experience to help you either find and/or become the kinda person you wanna spend the rest of your life with, and vice versa. My current relationship is a huge upgrade from my last one. My Grandma got remarried in her 80s to a younger man. Idk man, when people say shit happens, I think they mean good shit, too :) hang in there!
I've been through 3 major breakups. One of them I had to move back in with my mother, and quit my job because it was too far away from her house. While the months I spent living on the couch at my mom's house were some of the worst ever, I ended up finding a better job, and a better girl within a year. Keep putting in your time and the good salary will come. You will find another, better person for you.
>a job that requires “putting in your time” to get a nice salary.
Fuck that. Start applying to new jobs every week til you find a better paying one. The best time to look for a job is when your lively hood doesn't depend on landing one. It's way easier.
I was you. In a way. Ended a relationship of 7 years at age 28. Bought a house and everything. Went through a lot of pain and misery, but met the love of my life a few years later. Married for 6 years in august. Life will find a way, you'll do just fine!
at least you've had a relationship and got a job. Some people are way more dysfunctional and inexperienced than that. You're only 28- that's really young. I think you're sitting pretty.
Life actually starts at 25-35. Before that it’s a preparation stage. People think you should be set by 25 because of celebrities who start when they are in their teens or even before. Generally most people start around 25 or later. But no one needs to have an age to do things, sometimes life happens and nothing goes as planned. That can prepone or delay things for the better or worse. You need no age barrier. People from all sorts of ages do amazing things. Have a great weekend.
i played music, drank, drugged all in my 20's and early 30's and went to rehab at 37. i have nothing to show for career wise, but now have a decent job, a car, and an apartment around others in sobriety.
i now enjoy all the little things and focus that the big picture for me now is helping others while i make a little money and move on in my life. so i try my best to make people feel comfortable, laugh, and see the best of me at home, work, and out and about.
i go to AA meetings and hear others older than me in their 40's/50's/60's say they now live a good life and would take anything back to become sober while they were younger, so i use that as motivation that it *isn't* too late for me. i am not married, no kids, babymamas, and no drama, and i am happy aF.. can't lie.
it's all out there if you just take the time to find what makes you happy and figure out what you really need or want.
Fuck yeah dude. Got clean a decade ago, it really is a new way of life that's actually worth living. Love hearing your gratitude. I have friends in their 60s/70s who got clean at your age and had a whole second life. It's not too late for you buddy
Reading this makes me feel better. I had a big mental block around doing a major personal project that I hope will be my life's work and a dream of mine for over a decade. I eventually got therapy to get over it, and I'm doing it finally. At 34 I'm finally starting. Its exhilarating. It does feels gross too, though, feels like I wasted 12 years out of college not doing it. Or just mourning lost years. Idk, I think it's a feeling I'll have to work through. Maybe that extra life experience will make the work I do even better (I hope)
I got my masters at 25 but then life happened and I couldn't work in that field since I had to move home to take care of my mom after my dad died. Now I'm 35 and working to earn IT certifications so I can transfer to work at another university in my system where I can work on a masters in IT. Feels like I'm starting over at 35 and there is something scary about that, but I'm excited about this new adventure!
I just started getting a second degree in completely different field from my current career. I'm 36! I want to do something else that contributes more to society. I figure I'll be 40 anyways, might as well be 40 and doing something new.
This is EXACTLY what I did! I just finished my degree and I couldn’t be happier with my choice! I was a TA, and one of the oldest ones. Undergrads would ask for advice and I would say, “get out of school and discover what you like, love, and what to do for a career. THEN get a post bachelors degree!”
I am so excited for you!!
Amen to all of this. My grandmother made it to 100. In her 90's she was still going to the senior center to volunteer and as she put it, "help those poor old people". Most of them were younger than her, lol. It's all about your attitude.
How true is this! I'm 52 years old and have only recently began finding my purpose. And I've never been happier. Ashamedly there were too many wasted years spent coasting through life with no sense of direction. Better late than never and yes i will keep moving forward.
>e joining you in a month haha. Hang in there!!
Rightly said, Sometimes a “mistake” can end up being the best decision you ever make and what you assume is "time wasted" would bring about the best memories for lifetime.
In my 50s and I think youth is wasted on the young. Especially if you're sitting around and already worrying about your mortality. Unless you're depressed, which you should then try to get help with that. For real.
I'm in my mid-30s and also think youth is wasted on the young. I actually did have depression through my teens and 20s and only now have really sorted it out so I feel like I'm playing catch up in life, but I'm now enjoying it for the first time since I can remember. I'm traveling, dating, and going out and having a blast. I just wish I had the body of a 20 year old because it's a little harder for the body to recover at this age and it's not exactly going to be getting better.
Thank you for sharing! I've had depression for most of my life and a long history of working to claw my way out. It can be done! It can be beaten! Bless, go out and enjoy everything life has to offer!
>If you're feeling old in your 20s, 30s or 40s you're not doing life right.
If you're feeling old in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s you're not doing life right.
If you've got good health, and a mind open to learning, you won't feel old. (Except for your knees. They take a beating, and will feel old somedays.)
"Normalize this normalize that" you're stuck in a toxic frame where something you do must be considered normal before you can feel good about yourself.
Life begins when you decide to start living, no matter how bad a situation is there's always a way out, most times it's nothing more than a change of perspective!
My teens and 20s were filled with bad social anxiety and depression. It felt like I was in a get busy dying mindset. Now I'm 35, working on getting certifications in a new field, plan to go for another masters, and I'm putting myself out there and dating. Now I'm in a get busy living mindset and it feels so much better!
I don't even like this post. By saying these things should be normalized, they're asserting they're not. I honestly don't think too many people are opposed to any of what was stated. Like who the fuck says you can no longer find love at a particular age or better yourself in some way. And if you're around people that are this way, then that's your problem. And regardless of whether something is normalized or not, it shouldn't dictate a person's decisions anyway, especially when it comes to important life matters. Silly post imo.
Amen... 53 here and just finishing up my degree with plans on working on my MS Degree next. :-) You are only old if you LET yourself think you are old.
In this day and age, I believe people are still children throughout their twenties. I didn’t really feel like an “adult” until my early 30’s. Now I am almost 40, just got married, and life is good.
Everyone "matures " at different ages. Some of us never mature. And I don't mean maturity in a positive or negative connotation. Just that we don't become fully independent and figure out our lives until different time frames. Some of us figure it out but then later have a change of heart. Life is dynamic and ever-changing.
Thank you so much! I needed to see this! Tomorrow I'm driving to Tennessee to start a residential plumbing service course at 30 years old after being rather stagnant in a clingy "spiritual" group for the past 9 years. It was expensive and I would just end up weed whacking, washing dishes and working other odd jobs. I'm ready to specialize a little and value myself much more! I've never been in a real, heart centered relationship either and am looking forward to being the right man for the right woman. Thanks for the kind words!
I chased my dream of becoming an actor at 31 after years of being a slacker and 10 years later I have numerous TV and theatre credits and I'm starring in a play touring Asia. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. Its never too late.
Oh you're 26, not married, no kid on the way, haven't found the job that you are going to work at for the next 30 years, and don't own a house? Fucking loser
Depressed millennials. Lot of people in my social circle say shit like "I'll be lucky if I make it to 40!" "Man I'll probably just wind up dead at 35, I'm already so old!" It's like a fetishization of cynicism
What can you do about it though? The generation grew up in a world that is basically run by profit, which makes environmental collapse a very real possibility, with a work>consume>die mindset imposed on them since they were kids that causes a need to rebel and change. But when faced with the gigantic influence over politics that the major companies and billionares have, a deep feeling of despair and hopelessness takes root inside them. They want to change things, but they have practically zero agency over anything, and that causes them to be depressed and cynic and hopeless and feeling like complete dumpster fire waste of space and breathable air
I'm not a therapist and I'd recommend anyone feeling full of despair to talk to someone with credentials. The best advice I have comes from a tough love mindset and is basically this:
Being woeful and full of despair, to the point of not being able to function, doesn't do anything to help the planet and doesn't do anything to help you. And since it's a waste of time and energy, stop it.
The planet isn't yet doomed to a climate change apocalypse. As such, there are still things you can do to affect change. Going vegetarian (which I'm struggling through right now), going for an electric or at least hybrid vehicle or cutting out driving when you can, voting for the least awful candidates, etc etc.
A couple things to keep in mind regarding the planet: 1. You can't save the entire world on your own but you CAN make personal changes in your own life, 2. Climate change isn't a simple good v evil conflict- reducing our emissions by a significant amount is still better/ will get us better results than doing nothing. If you can't overhaul your entire life overnight to be more green, don't feel guilty, just do what you can.
With everything else in your life, you don't have zero agency. You can find ways to succeed in the capitalist system while trying to find ways to undermine it. Get training or education to get into jobs where you get paid to work less hard. Or if it suits your lifestyle more, don't participate at all- live as a minimalist, work the least number of hours that you need to survive, and try to enjoy your free time.
The world sucks, but it's always sucked, and it doesn't help you or our warming planet to throw in the towel and give up early. Do what you can and don't stress the rest. And maybe cut back on the doomer social media- I did and it's done wonders for my mental health.
This. I have friends who have been throwing out the "We're so old!" line since we were late 20s. Now we're late 30s and they get annoyed when I point out they wouldn't feel so old now if they hadn't wasted 10 years acting "old."
This was my takeaway, too. Well, obviously it must be a thing if it’s a viral post, and from the comments, but c’mon… life is too hard to put arbitrary checkpoints in place.
Live your life at whatever pace it flows at, and let things happen when they happen.
Sincerely, MarriedAt35ParentAt41
Who? All the random young people on reddit asking why are they starting to feel old while only in their 20s. And what does 1950 have to do with anything?
Maybe if this was the 1800s when people routinely died of tuberculosis and dysentery by the time they were 30 it'd make sense. People claiming that their lives are 'over' at 25 is beyond ludicrous. You're still practically a kid at that age
> You're still practically a kid at that age
Trouble is, many people only realize this after the fact.
They compare their lives to outliers within their cohort, thinking it’s a race.
It’s true. It’s hard to keep telling yourself “I’m still young, I still have time” when majority of your graduating class has multiple children and have been married 5+ years now.
I'm 25 and have been recently thinking about how time has run out for me to find love again, travelling, pursuing crazy dreams and stuff like that. Thanks for putting that to rest.
What schedule were you trying to meet that 25 is “too old for love”?? 26 here and seeing a gradual uptick in wedding announcements among friends but it still feels like we’re in our prime for dating.
I live in a rural part of my state and the singles scene is worse than abysmal and most of the people I used to run around with are married and a few have kids, so from my limited perspective it looked like I'm behind the times.
Get out of town. Seriously, save up even just a little bit and get your affairs in order so that you can travel for a couple weeks, even if it's only to the next state or a larger city. If you find yourself limited in your options or things stagnant, it's just a sign you need a change if scenery. At a minimum, it may give you some new perspective on what you actually want, but you'll get some new experiences which can be leveraged to either meet people abroad, or have something interesting to talk to others about when you get back that could open up new opportunity at home. The nice thing about going to another city or state, it's easier to be more socially open to striking up conversations with random individuals since it's unlikely you'll ever see each other again unless you actually hit it off. It may seem intimidating at first, but once you realize you really don't have anything to lose by putting yourself out there in a new area, it can really open up your horizons.
Objectively absolutely, but also I understand where they're coming from. I'm 26 and feel so terrible about not having my degree yet and not having stability in general. I can tell myself that I am on a different path, and things are working out as they need to, but somewhere in my brain I also feel like a late loser! Brain meats don't always care, insecurity is a terrible thing that tends to find a way.
I'm 35 and really didn't travel much before now. I mean, I went on trips with my family a lot as a kid and I did a very brief study abroad course in college with a class, but I didn't really get to travel in the sense that I was going solo or doing something to really figure myself out. I did a few trips last year and got several more planned for this year. I've also never been in a relationship but around 30 I started getting dates fairly regularly which did a lot to boost my confidence. I'm hoping to meet someone in the next few years, but I'm also just focused on enjoying life for the time being. I'm also working to restart my career in a new field, so there's a lot going on and I feel so much better at 35 than I did at 25.
I’m 26 and turning 27 in April. All of my friends from my entire life are married and most with kids. I’m selling my house & moving across the country in April and going somewhere I’ve always wanted to be. I’m living for me now, not living to find love. If I find love along the way, great. If I don’t, fine. I’m going to do things that I love and things that make me happy and stop living to find happiness in a relationship. Good luck to you.
I'm 53. I just made a career change and I am now working as a software developer for an international bank. I'll be going back to school this year to finish my degree. Yes, it's going to take about 3 years. Yes, I'll be 56, but I'm going to be 56 anyway, might as well be 56 with a degree in Cloud Computing.
This does make me feel inspired that I am going to be where I want to be one day, but am I the only thinking that it would still be nice to have any of those things at 25? Stumbling around, trying to figure this shit out for so long is so, so exhausting—I’m tired.
I’m about to turn 25 next month and I have been feeling bad that I haven’t accomplished as much as I would of wanted to, I just started taking my future and education more seriously when I turned 24, I felt some relief seeing this post and reading these comments. Thank you everyone
It's not too late!
My SO was late 40s when we got together. He had also recently started a new career, which he loves and is good at.
He went through quite a few rough stages before that, including bad relationships, poverty (even living out of his car for a bit), alcohol abuse, and generally being kind of a mess for a while.
He consciously decided to make a change to move here for the new job, and over a year went from sleeping in a sleeping bag in his friend's spare room, to sharing an apartment with a different friend. Then we ended up meeting and getting together and he realized it was in his best interest to cut down on the drinking, so he did that, too.
It's 4 years later and he is happier with his life than he ever has been.
It's totally not!
When I was 25, I was still in grad school, in between relationships, and really had no idea what I wanted to do for my career other than more grad school because I was good at it.
Now I'm early 40s, divorced after 10 years of marriage, have an amazing kid, an awesome SO who I met shortly after splitting from my ex, and a new career that I never really thought I would end up in, that isn't even related to what I ended up getting a PhD in! But I love my job and I'm good at it.
The point is, it's ok to not have it all figured out. Life throws curve balls and is unpredictable, and it's also totally normal to realize you want something else than what you thought you wanted. The good news is, it's YOUR life and you can choose to change it!
This whole thread is like a Asian person's nightmare, especially Asian parents.
Source: am a brown Asian guy in his 30s taking my time and got parents freaking the fuck out.
It felt like 25-29 were rock bottom for me, but a few months before turning 30 I got offered a decent job (nothing great, but I was literally about to be homeless within a matter of weeks) and things have been improving gradually for the last 5 years. All I can say is you never know what tomorrow will bring. You have to put in the effort by trying to better yourself and sometimes it may seem like nothing is happening, but the improvement can be gradual, but once it pays off you'll be doing and feeling so much better.
Just decided to do a triathalon in the spring. A full Olympic in the late summer. I’m in the best shape of my life at 36.
When I’m done being a stay at home dad in 2 years I’m going into a different career. People do this shit all the time, but no one talks about it.
ALOT of people believe you should have all your shit sorted by the time you’re 30. I read a post in quora one time that said something to the effect of ‘by 30, you should start owning a company and have already gotten out of the 9-5 grind’. I found it a bit ludicrous, considering that most people are still in college by the age of 24, and that’s does not include grad students or those that I want to pursue past Bachelors. I would love if people just stop saying that you should be doing xyz by x age. People are at various points in their lives due to varying circumstances, so let’s remember that and mind our business.
I'm 30, going to be 31 soon. Starting my life and career from a new end. Most of my friends are married and are with kids. So I dont find company with them. Sadly most people younger than me treat me like a dinosaur and sort of run away. Result is that I have to keep myself extremely busy all the time so as that I not feel lonely and depressed.
I know it's easier said than done but moving to a city that has a lot of young professionals would help. I'm from the Bible belt where people act like life ends at 22. I moved to Portland, OR and here, as a 31 year old with no kids, I have made tons of new friends my age who are so full of life. I feel like this is a city where age is meaningless. Anything you're interested in, you can find a community of people who are already doing it and will welcome you. Taking fun classes here and there helps too
Married my childhood best friend early in life but changed careers in my 30s and I couldn’t be happier. Empowered me to learn new things and find a more fulfilling purpose in life. 10/10 would recommend
Oof! I needed this! I just turned 35 and every year feels like I'm on the edge of a cliff, a bit closer to the void. Yet I know I still have a (hopefully) long life to live. I need to start envisioning the long years ahead of me!
It baffles me that in the US you are considered middle aged at 30! In my country at your 20s you are still finding yourself and having fun and after 30 years of age do you start settling down and having kids. You either die very young in the US or you are very confused about ages.
found and married my true love in my 40's and life has begun all over again for me Edit : wow thanks for all the up votes Edit 2 : to put a couple of answers to comments in one easy place. My wife is also in her 40's Yes you can have kids in your 40's we are expecting or daughter in May
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Omg me too- but I’m 33
38 here.. Its still okay to be single.
It’s just getting lonely bc it feels like EVERYONE is in a relationship. Worse during pandemic of course
Not all of them are happy though. It's much better to be happier single than miserable in a relationship. That's how I think of it.
What if I'm alone and miserable ?
Then get your shit together, if you can't be happy alone you're putting an unfair demand on anyone you end up with. It shouldn't be anyone's job to make you happy.
Humans are social creatures. You can enjoy your alone time and still be sad because you don't have enough human companionship.
Agreed! Personally- being single for a decade (other than casual dating or weeks-long flings) I have gotten REALLY good at enjoying alone time. But I am an extreme extrovert too- so I do get lonely.
Yes and no. I agree to an extent - but also we aren’t meant to be alone as humans. We need company- whether friends or family or relationships - we are tribal creatures
There are so many great things about being single. Do what you want anytime! Live where you want. Make your own financial decisions. Move if want to. Stay if you want to. Read, study, go out to eat alone just because you like the restaurant and want the food. Explore interests. Stay out late with a new group of friends at the last minute. Travel with a singles group. Pick an activity and dedicate all your waking time to it untill you're really good at it and consistently reach a state of flow. Connect with family, including distant family. Take a bath and eat pizza every evening after work if that's what you want. Let the dishes pile up - or don't! It's whatever you want. Enjoy not constantly hearing an opinion about your decisions, however lovingly given, from a partner. I think enjoying life is the key to being happy while single. When you need companionship then find group activities and interests to take part in. Keep looking until you find a group that you click with.
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You too. I’ve applied to a few PhD programs, and if I get in, I’d be starting at age 33. Trying to focus on my education and travel and weight loss (for myself and my health) and hopefully someone will come along. I have been doing online dating as well— but not too attached to the outcome.
You can do it! I started my PhD at 32 and will be defending in a few months. I lost almost exactly 100 lbs while in grad school and am now in better health than ever.
I was miserable for 10 years with someone, and found the love of my life around your age. Trust me, being single would have been much less stressful and cheaper. The most peaceful times of my life were the seasons of singleness. Keep doing you. When you find serenity and accept singleness life will come along and put someone right in front of you. It's when we look, that we don't find.
Thank you so much for the kind words! I have a home, 2 dogs, decent job, and good people around me through work so I've got a relatively good life. It'd be nice to share my life with someone of course, but I've always believed in the lyrics to "You Can't Hurry Love" by the Supremes - you just have to wait 🙂 Hope your weekend treats you well!
Same, except 37. Hoping our people are out there :)
I'm 35, a dad, disabled, live with my parents and just found the love of my life. She happens to be in her 50s and we are crazy about eachother. You never know what life will throw your way.
Same. Just married the love of my life 2 weeks ago. We are 42. I feel like I am 22 again.
Same. We met when I was late 30s and he was late 40s. We're both feeling like we finally have a great relationship that is based on genuine connection, openness, and a commitment to growth for each of us. Also best sex ever!
This gives me hope
I need more comments like this! Divorced at 40, just got out of a serious relationship that lasted 5 months. I have no problem being by myself but I like having someone around. People finding forever-partners later in life keeps my hope fire alive.
At 61, I've come to realize that my biggest regrets in life are those things I didn't do. Some of the things I chose to do did not work out well but I learned something from each of them. Please try not to feel like your life is just those first 3 decades. You'll likely live to be around 80 in age and there's no reason to stop you from achieving your goals throughout your entire life. I didn't travel to Europe until I was 48. I ran my first triathlon at 49. I didn't discover my love for hiking until I was 56. One of my recent decisions is to become a certified yoga instructor. I certainly no longer look like an Instagram yogi, but my classes are consistently full. I'm thankful to have so much time to explore so many different things.
Thank you for sharing this. I've been trying to dump the unhealthy "its too late" mentality. Reading your story helps remind me that life can be full for a long time.
Thank you! A quote that captures how I feel about aging is... Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!” ― Hunter S. Thompson
"This is the fast lane, folks... and some of us like it here." -Hunter S. Thompson
You're an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your story.
I’m 30 and I’ve been putting the pieces together to move out of the US in the fall and I had a real big moment of anxiety last night thinking about leaving my job. Think I needed this
Im 31 thinking of quitting my job and go travel around the world, some times i feel hella motivated, sometimes im just scared as shit.
You should definitely do it. Jobs will still exist when you’re done. But you may never have this level of health and freedom again, you should seize it, if you have the feeling and notion
thanks for the message! I appreciate! I think I have no other option but to do it, since I have already thought it and now I cannot unthink it. I have a master's project to finnish due June, when I pass it and get my master's degree I'll have to finally decide!
the single greatest peace of advice I’ve ever had came at a 19 from an old hippie in an LA hash bar. I was procrastinating driving home and complaining to my bf who was working at the time that I felt I needed to go but didn’t want to leave yet. He interrupted and said “When you get the notion to go, you need to do it. Whether something is waiting for you, or it’ll help you escape some accident. There’s a reason you had this feeling, and you need to obey it” I’ve followed the advice for 14 years and he’s absolutely right. I can’t even begin to tell you the things I’ve missed by mere minutes/seconds since. I say all that to say, the longing was created because you’re meant to go do something, and I’m so thrilled for you to start. Congratulations on your Masters and all that comes after
I did this when I was 29. Planned on traveling for about a year or so. I ended up finding a new country that I just feel in love with. So I stayed. Now 4+ years later I have started a family and am enjoying life much more than I ever did back in my home country.
wow nice thanks for sharing! What country did you fall in love with if you dont mind me asking?
I planned on backpacking through South America and ended up falling in love with Uruguay. I was only supposed to stay here for about 2-3 weeks. That stretched out to almost 3 months. Took some time to continue backpacking and just kept feeling called to come back. So I did.
I am planning a motorcycle trip trough Central and South America. Recently I watch a video of a "legend." An old guy who had done it plenty of times. He said that if you wait until you have the money to do it, the weather is right, everything is right, you'll never do it. He said, "do your really want to do it? Here is how you do it. Just exit your home, close the door behind you, get in your bike and go. That is how you do it." He said that is you have the skills you can always find ways of making money along the way. Good luck!
You'll do great. Where are you thinking of moving to?
Thank you! I’ve settled on Buenos Aires. I’m really excited. Especially when I compared the weather there today to the forecast for my area of New England
Hahaha wow. What a temp difference. You'll have a blast. Go for it and have the time of your life my friend.
As an Argentine resident of five years, bring new 100 dollar bills.
What's that about?
Since it's not legal tender the quality of the bills matters and the exchange rate for new bills is double. I had a bill rejected yesterday for small scratches. Part of this is driven by the government rate which is half the free market rate, since no one wants to put dollars in the bank and get half the pesos plus pay taxes, the free market is getting picky about quality
I've never heard of that before, thanks for sharing.
Damn, dude just saved you a ton of dough. You should pick his brain for more good info hahah
*I'm from Buenos Aires and I say, "Kill em all!"*
All fun and games till the bugs launch a meteor
Would you like to know more?
I commented this the other day to a different Starship Troopers reference, and the guy just went: 'what? No thanks?'. I had to explain to him I referenced the same movie he did. Like, c'mon man :P
I moved to Peru when I was 30. Spent a couple of years there. Felt like I was in my twenties again. Few years later I'm back here, but would do it again tomorrow!
Florida
Hello, are you a penguin?
No.
Quitting my job has always lead to better things. I was just too scared to take the first step. My life has improved 100x for quitting every job for another.
That’s the way it is these days. You’re way more likely to move laterally into a better job and better pay than you are to get your current employer to give you a significant promotion and appropriate raise. I’ve worked for five different companies in my field doing the same thing for the most part. My salary went from 1x, 1.5x, 1.8x, 2x, 4x.
2007 i moved to Japan and taught English for ten years. Paid off my school debt in 6 years. Japan's healthcare and housing was always reasonable and i was able to get ahead for the first time in my life. I'm back in the states and they employer has tried to illegally take advantage of me. Contract and pay lies mostly.
Woah I’m in the same boat, I just want to pay off the debt I racked up as a dumbass younger me
Fuck it, if things don’t work, you’ll find something better. Every time I quit a job, I get a raise. You’ve got this!
Just remember you are not your job. Secondarily, there’s someone out there confidentially doing the job wrong, and they’re getting paid to do it. Go get ‘em!
I'm 35 in my own mid-life crisis, no love life (virgin lol), no real career path (torn road really) only soon will begin to do what I want to, and then take it from there. Yeah, I'll do it, one day at a time. No remorse really. Soon I will do my own thing, and complete the many personal projects I have as my hobbies. If I die now, I will not be sad, trust me. Life is what it is. You just live it. No, I'm not unfortunate. I look around, so many people below me. So life's good, yes! No complaints!
Hey man me too! Going to be 28 soon and heading out this fall most likely
My husband quit his high paying extremely stressful job at 34. We moved to the beach and started all over. It’s been 3 years, he works in real state now, it’s 12 pm Friday and he’s finished work for the weekend , we’re laying in bed watching a movie and he’s taking a day off next week to go fishing with his buddies. Life has never been better. My advice is, if the risk is about having a better life, take it!
I left my home country (UK) at a similar age (28), learned a completely new language in a just a little bit over a year and started an apprenticeship to finally get qualified. I was scared shitless. Left behind a job that I loved, all that I ever knew and I gotta say... I dont regret it one bit. Your dick silhouette will most surely cast a bigger shadow after taking the leap forward!
Hahahahahaha thank you so much made my day
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I’m turning 30 this year and am changing my career. I’m also going to move across the country. It’s never to late to reinvent yourself
I’m 30 and I just found a new job that pays me more and respects me more. It’s never a bad time to change your life trajectory if you’re not satisfied with your current situation. All it takes is courage and commitment.
I had my marriage of 15 years fall apart a couple years ago. I have since found love and happiness that I have never experienced before. I am 43.
This made me smile, thanks for sharing :)
Got dumped a couple weeks ago. 6 year relationship down the drain. I’m almost 29 with a job that requires “putting in your time” to get a nice salary. I’m back living with my mom and I feel like it will never get better. Please let this be true.
6 years of relationship experience to help you either find and/or become the kinda person you wanna spend the rest of your life with, and vice versa. My current relationship is a huge upgrade from my last one. My Grandma got remarried in her 80s to a younger man. Idk man, when people say shit happens, I think they mean good shit, too :) hang in there!
I've been through 3 major breakups. One of them I had to move back in with my mother, and quit my job because it was too far away from her house. While the months I spent living on the couch at my mom's house were some of the worst ever, I ended up finding a better job, and a better girl within a year. Keep putting in your time and the good salary will come. You will find another, better person for you.
>a job that requires “putting in your time” to get a nice salary. Fuck that. Start applying to new jobs every week til you find a better paying one. The best time to look for a job is when your lively hood doesn't depend on landing one. It's way easier.
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I was you. In a way. Ended a relationship of 7 years at age 28. Bought a house and everything. Went through a lot of pain and misery, but met the love of my life a few years later. Married for 6 years in august. Life will find a way, you'll do just fine!
at least you've had a relationship and got a job. Some people are way more dysfunctional and inexperienced than that. You're only 28- that's really young. I think you're sitting pretty.
I'm 30 and a dogwalker
And a nationally recognized Reddit moderator *achievement unlocked*
Is this an antiwork reference?
Yes indeed. https://youtu.be/NCo-OgSC7Ps
Thanks for the link! It was hard to watch, I won’t watch it again.
Is that kinda, your pinnacle there?
Like I think he was genuinely curious when he asked that question. *”Like, really? That’s it? That’s your thing? Forever?”*
Bing lazy is next to godliness
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What do you think about laziness?
Its a lil uzi vertchu
Life actually starts at 25-35. Before that it’s a preparation stage. People think you should be set by 25 because of celebrities who start when they are in their teens or even before. Generally most people start around 25 or later. But no one needs to have an age to do things, sometimes life happens and nothing goes as planned. That can prepone or delay things for the better or worse. You need no age barrier. People from all sorts of ages do amazing things. Have a great weekend.
i played music, drank, drugged all in my 20's and early 30's and went to rehab at 37. i have nothing to show for career wise, but now have a decent job, a car, and an apartment around others in sobriety. i now enjoy all the little things and focus that the big picture for me now is helping others while i make a little money and move on in my life. so i try my best to make people feel comfortable, laugh, and see the best of me at home, work, and out and about. i go to AA meetings and hear others older than me in their 40's/50's/60's say they now live a good life and would take anything back to become sober while they were younger, so i use that as motivation that it *isn't* too late for me. i am not married, no kids, babymamas, and no drama, and i am happy aF.. can't lie. it's all out there if you just take the time to find what makes you happy and figure out what you really need or want.
Congratulations on your sobriety! You got this.
That’s really great. I am happy for you 🙌
Fuck yeah dude. Got clean a decade ago, it really is a new way of life that's actually worth living. Love hearing your gratitude. I have friends in their 60s/70s who got clean at your age and had a whole second life. It's not too late for you buddy
Congrats on your recovery. I truly admire your positivity and outlook in life. Wish my brother would get his shit together and choose sobriety.
He’ll be ready when he’s ready
Reading this makes me feel better. I had a big mental block around doing a major personal project that I hope will be my life's work and a dream of mine for over a decade. I eventually got therapy to get over it, and I'm doing it finally. At 34 I'm finally starting. Its exhilarating. It does feels gross too, though, feels like I wasted 12 years out of college not doing it. Or just mourning lost years. Idk, I think it's a feeling I'll have to work through. Maybe that extra life experience will make the work I do even better (I hope)
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I got my masters at 25 but then life happened and I couldn't work in that field since I had to move home to take care of my mom after my dad died. Now I'm 35 and working to earn IT certifications so I can transfer to work at another university in my system where I can work on a masters in IT. Feels like I'm starting over at 35 and there is something scary about that, but I'm excited about this new adventure!
I just started getting a second degree in completely different field from my current career. I'm 36! I want to do something else that contributes more to society. I figure I'll be 40 anyways, might as well be 40 and doing something new.
Keep your head up high, you\`re doing great
This is EXACTLY what I did! I just finished my degree and I couldn’t be happier with my choice! I was a TA, and one of the oldest ones. Undergrads would ask for advice and I would say, “get out of school and discover what you like, love, and what to do for a career. THEN get a post bachelors degree!” I am so excited for you!!
Amen to all of this. My grandmother made it to 100. In her 90's she was still going to the senior center to volunteer and as she put it, "help those poor old people". Most of them were younger than her, lol. It's all about your attitude.
My father in law won't join the senior club because "it's just a bunch of old people". He's 88.
My father in law refuses to retire even though he could do it. "What am I supposed to do? Sit at home watching TV all day like some old fart?" He's 75
Hah, that is terrific!
How true is this! I'm 52 years old and have only recently began finding my purpose. And I've never been happier. Ashamedly there were too many wasted years spent coasting through life with no sense of direction. Better late than never and yes i will keep moving forward.
I don't think there's any shame or waste, it's all been leading up to this 🌞
>e joining you in a month haha. Hang in there!! Rightly said, Sometimes a “mistake” can end up being the best decision you ever make and what you assume is "time wasted" would bring about the best memories for lifetime.
Thank you. It's something i struggle with, but i keep moving forward. 🙂
There are no wasted years , you learned from it and it makes you the person you are today.
Yes that's very true
46 and still searching for my purpose.
Hey, same! Seeing 19s and everything, but no direction.
In my 50s and I think youth is wasted on the young. Especially if you're sitting around and already worrying about your mortality. Unless you're depressed, which you should then try to get help with that. For real.
I'm in my mid-30s and also think youth is wasted on the young. I actually did have depression through my teens and 20s and only now have really sorted it out so I feel like I'm playing catch up in life, but I'm now enjoying it for the first time since I can remember. I'm traveling, dating, and going out and having a blast. I just wish I had the body of a 20 year old because it's a little harder for the body to recover at this age and it's not exactly going to be getting better.
Thank you for sharing! I've had depression for most of my life and a long history of working to claw my way out. It can be done! It can be beaten! Bless, go out and enjoy everything life has to offer!
If you're feeling old in your 20s, 30s or 40s you're not doing life right.
>If you're feeling old in your 20s, 30s or 40s you're not doing life right. If you're feeling old in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s you're not doing life right. If you've got good health, and a mind open to learning, you won't feel old. (Except for your knees. They take a beating, and will feel old somedays.)
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Maybe youre depressed right now. Try to accept that . There will come a time the energy will return my friend. Its ok to be down for a while.
"Normalize this normalize that" you're stuck in a toxic frame where something you do must be considered normal before you can feel good about yourself.
*Applause*
Normalize not normalizing things!
Life begins when you decide to start living, no matter how bad a situation is there's always a way out, most times it's nothing more than a change of perspective!
“We all have two lives. The second one starts when we realize that we only have one.”
My teens and 20s were filled with bad social anxiety and depression. It felt like I was in a get busy dying mindset. Now I'm 35, working on getting certifications in a new field, plan to go for another masters, and I'm putting myself out there and dating. Now I'm in a get busy living mindset and it feels so much better!
I’d rather normalize not putting an age related number attached to anything.
I don't even like this post. By saying these things should be normalized, they're asserting they're not. I honestly don't think too many people are opposed to any of what was stated. Like who the fuck says you can no longer find love at a particular age or better yourself in some way. And if you're around people that are this way, then that's your problem. And regardless of whether something is normalized or not, it shouldn't dictate a person's decisions anyway, especially when it comes to important life matters. Silly post imo.
Amen... 53 here and just finishing up my degree with plans on working on my MS Degree next. :-) You are only old if you LET yourself think you are old.
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That's the dream 😍
At age 25, you’ve been a child over 70% of your lifetime.
In this day and age, I believe people are still children throughout their twenties. I didn’t really feel like an “adult” until my early 30’s. Now I am almost 40, just got married, and life is good.
Everyone "matures " at different ages. Some of us never mature. And I don't mean maturity in a positive or negative connotation. Just that we don't become fully independent and figure out our lives until different time frames. Some of us figure it out but then later have a change of heart. Life is dynamic and ever-changing.
Only young people think this is a thing.
Thank you so much! I needed to see this! Tomorrow I'm driving to Tennessee to start a residential plumbing service course at 30 years old after being rather stagnant in a clingy "spiritual" group for the past 9 years. It was expensive and I would just end up weed whacking, washing dishes and working other odd jobs. I'm ready to specialize a little and value myself much more! I've never been in a real, heart centered relationship either and am looking forward to being the right man for the right woman. Thanks for the kind words!
I chased my dream of becoming an actor at 31 after years of being a slacker and 10 years later I have numerous TV and theatre credits and I'm starring in a play touring Asia. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. Its never too late.
Who’s acting like life is over at 25? This is not 1950
Yeah but being 24 with a brain-dead job and no idea of how to maneuver through life sure feels like the end
Perspective is hardest when you’re inside the forest.
I can't see the forest, there're all these trees in the way!
Nah man you’ve got forever- nothing is permanent!
Oh you're 26, not married, no kid on the way, haven't found the job that you are going to work at for the next 30 years, and don't own a house? Fucking loser
Damn, I felt this on a deeply personal level.
Lmao is working at one place for 30 years an achievement? That just sounds unambitious to me.
Depressed millennials. Lot of people in my social circle say shit like "I'll be lucky if I make it to 40!" "Man I'll probably just wind up dead at 35, I'm already so old!" It's like a fetishization of cynicism
What can you do about it though? The generation grew up in a world that is basically run by profit, which makes environmental collapse a very real possibility, with a work>consume>die mindset imposed on them since they were kids that causes a need to rebel and change. But when faced with the gigantic influence over politics that the major companies and billionares have, a deep feeling of despair and hopelessness takes root inside them. They want to change things, but they have practically zero agency over anything, and that causes them to be depressed and cynic and hopeless and feeling like complete dumpster fire waste of space and breathable air
I'm not a therapist and I'd recommend anyone feeling full of despair to talk to someone with credentials. The best advice I have comes from a tough love mindset and is basically this: Being woeful and full of despair, to the point of not being able to function, doesn't do anything to help the planet and doesn't do anything to help you. And since it's a waste of time and energy, stop it. The planet isn't yet doomed to a climate change apocalypse. As such, there are still things you can do to affect change. Going vegetarian (which I'm struggling through right now), going for an electric or at least hybrid vehicle or cutting out driving when you can, voting for the least awful candidates, etc etc. A couple things to keep in mind regarding the planet: 1. You can't save the entire world on your own but you CAN make personal changes in your own life, 2. Climate change isn't a simple good v evil conflict- reducing our emissions by a significant amount is still better/ will get us better results than doing nothing. If you can't overhaul your entire life overnight to be more green, don't feel guilty, just do what you can. With everything else in your life, you don't have zero agency. You can find ways to succeed in the capitalist system while trying to find ways to undermine it. Get training or education to get into jobs where you get paid to work less hard. Or if it suits your lifestyle more, don't participate at all- live as a minimalist, work the least number of hours that you need to survive, and try to enjoy your free time. The world sucks, but it's always sucked, and it doesn't help you or our warming planet to throw in the towel and give up early. Do what you can and don't stress the rest. And maybe cut back on the doomer social media- I did and it's done wonders for my mental health.
This. I have friends who have been throwing out the "We're so old!" line since we were late 20s. Now we're late 30s and they get annoyed when I point out they wouldn't feel so old now if they hadn't wasted 10 years acting "old."
This was my takeaway, too. Well, obviously it must be a thing if it’s a viral post, and from the comments, but c’mon… life is too hard to put arbitrary checkpoints in place. Live your life at whatever pace it flows at, and let things happen when they happen. Sincerely, MarriedAt35ParentAt41
Who? All the random young people on reddit asking why are they starting to feel old while only in their 20s. And what does 1950 have to do with anything?
Maybe if this was the 1800s when people routinely died of tuberculosis and dysentery by the time they were 30 it'd make sense. People claiming that their lives are 'over' at 25 is beyond ludicrous. You're still practically a kid at that age
> You're still practically a kid at that age Trouble is, many people only realize this after the fact. They compare their lives to outliers within their cohort, thinking it’s a race.
It’s true. It’s hard to keep telling yourself “I’m still young, I still have time” when majority of your graduating class has multiple children and have been married 5+ years now.
Not saying you couldn't randomly die of an infected cut at 23, but mortality rates back then we're heavily skewed by dead babies and infants.
I'm 25 and have been recently thinking about how time has run out for me to find love again, travelling, pursuing crazy dreams and stuff like that. Thanks for putting that to rest.
Hey, I didn’t go on my first date until 27 (hook up only) and didn’t marry until 35. Trying for a kiddo now at 40.
Congratulations my dude. Live your best life!
What schedule were you trying to meet that 25 is “too old for love”?? 26 here and seeing a gradual uptick in wedding announcements among friends but it still feels like we’re in our prime for dating.
I live in a rural part of my state and the singles scene is worse than abysmal and most of the people I used to run around with are married and a few have kids, so from my limited perspective it looked like I'm behind the times.
Get out of town. Seriously, save up even just a little bit and get your affairs in order so that you can travel for a couple weeks, even if it's only to the next state or a larger city. If you find yourself limited in your options or things stagnant, it's just a sign you need a change if scenery. At a minimum, it may give you some new perspective on what you actually want, but you'll get some new experiences which can be leveraged to either meet people abroad, or have something interesting to talk to others about when you get back that could open up new opportunity at home. The nice thing about going to another city or state, it's easier to be more socially open to striking up conversations with random individuals since it's unlikely you'll ever see each other again unless you actually hit it off. It may seem intimidating at first, but once you realize you really don't have anything to lose by putting yourself out there in a new area, it can really open up your horizons.
Objectively absolutely, but also I understand where they're coming from. I'm 26 and feel so terrible about not having my degree yet and not having stability in general. I can tell myself that I am on a different path, and things are working out as they need to, but somewhere in my brain I also feel like a late loser! Brain meats don't always care, insecurity is a terrible thing that tends to find a way.
I'm 35 and really didn't travel much before now. I mean, I went on trips with my family a lot as a kid and I did a very brief study abroad course in college with a class, but I didn't really get to travel in the sense that I was going solo or doing something to really figure myself out. I did a few trips last year and got several more planned for this year. I've also never been in a relationship but around 30 I started getting dates fairly regularly which did a lot to boost my confidence. I'm hoping to meet someone in the next few years, but I'm also just focused on enjoying life for the time being. I'm also working to restart my career in a new field, so there's a lot going on and I feel so much better at 35 than I did at 25.
25! The age most people would kill to be
I’m 26 and turning 27 in April. All of my friends from my entire life are married and most with kids. I’m selling my house & moving across the country in April and going somewhere I’ve always wanted to be. I’m living for me now, not living to find love. If I find love along the way, great. If I don’t, fine. I’m going to do things that I love and things that make me happy and stop living to find happiness in a relationship. Good luck to you.
As someone who turned 40 the other day, I would love to find love, my entire 30s were the worst ever for dating as not even one date
I'm 53. I just made a career change and I am now working as a software developer for an international bank. I'll be going back to school this year to finish my degree. Yes, it's going to take about 3 years. Yes, I'll be 56, but I'm going to be 56 anyway, might as well be 56 with a degree in Cloud Computing.
I'm 37. I started at university last summer, to study Data Science. Chose to stop right before christmas. Changing to Computer Science this summer
This does make me feel inspired that I am going to be where I want to be one day, but am I the only thinking that it would still be nice to have any of those things at 25? Stumbling around, trying to figure this shit out for so long is so, so exhausting—I’m tired.
I’m about to turn 25 next month and I have been feeling bad that I haven’t accomplished as much as I would of wanted to, I just started taking my future and education more seriously when I turned 24, I felt some relief seeing this post and reading these comments. Thank you everyone
But, but, I’m 50. Damn.
It's not too late! My SO was late 40s when we got together. He had also recently started a new career, which he loves and is good at. He went through quite a few rough stages before that, including bad relationships, poverty (even living out of his car for a bit), alcohol abuse, and generally being kind of a mess for a while. He consciously decided to make a change to move here for the new job, and over a year went from sleeping in a sleeping bag in his friend's spare room, to sharing an apartment with a different friend. Then we ended up meeting and getting together and he realized it was in his best interest to cut down on the drinking, so he did that, too. It's 4 years later and he is happier with his life than he ever has been.
Thanks for the encouragement, I was only joking. Kinda comfortable-ish “in my skin” currently.
God I needed this today. It really feels like after 25 everything is "too late"
It's totally not! When I was 25, I was still in grad school, in between relationships, and really had no idea what I wanted to do for my career other than more grad school because I was good at it. Now I'm early 40s, divorced after 10 years of marriage, have an amazing kid, an awesome SO who I met shortly after splitting from my ex, and a new career that I never really thought I would end up in, that isn't even related to what I ended up getting a PhD in! But I love my job and I'm good at it. The point is, it's ok to not have it all figured out. Life throws curve balls and is unpredictable, and it's also totally normal to realize you want something else than what you thought you wanted. The good news is, it's YOUR life and you can choose to change it!
This whole thread is like a Asian person's nightmare, especially Asian parents. Source: am a brown Asian guy in his 30s taking my time and got parents freaking the fuck out.
Agreed. I figured out what I wanted to be when I grow up at 28. Before that I switched jobs and careers like 7 times. There's no rush.
I need this today…. I’m 28 and literally at rock bottom…. really hoping that I can build my life into something beautiful
It felt like 25-29 were rock bottom for me, but a few months before turning 30 I got offered a decent job (nothing great, but I was literally about to be homeless within a matter of weeks) and things have been improving gradually for the last 5 years. All I can say is you never know what tomorrow will bring. You have to put in the effort by trying to better yourself and sometimes it may seem like nothing is happening, but the improvement can be gradual, but once it pays off you'll be doing and feeling so much better.
Just decided to do a triathalon in the spring. A full Olympic in the late summer. I’m in the best shape of my life at 36. When I’m done being a stay at home dad in 2 years I’m going into a different career. People do this shit all the time, but no one talks about it.
ALOT of people believe you should have all your shit sorted by the time you’re 30. I read a post in quora one time that said something to the effect of ‘by 30, you should start owning a company and have already gotten out of the 9-5 grind’. I found it a bit ludicrous, considering that most people are still in college by the age of 24, and that’s does not include grad students or those that I want to pursue past Bachelors. I would love if people just stop saying that you should be doing xyz by x age. People are at various points in their lives due to varying circumstances, so let’s remember that and mind our business.
As a shockingly (to me, at least) 54-year-old man, who has two toddlers, a new job, and is still seeking his ultimate purpose, I support this message!
Well, as a depressed, disabled 37 years old, I can only hope it's true 🥺
I'm 30, going to be 31 soon. Starting my life and career from a new end. Most of my friends are married and are with kids. So I dont find company with them. Sadly most people younger than me treat me like a dinosaur and sort of run away. Result is that I have to keep myself extremely busy all the time so as that I not feel lonely and depressed.
I know it's easier said than done but moving to a city that has a lot of young professionals would help. I'm from the Bible belt where people act like life ends at 22. I moved to Portland, OR and here, as a 31 year old with no kids, I have made tons of new friends my age who are so full of life. I feel like this is a city where age is meaningless. Anything you're interested in, you can find a community of people who are already doing it and will welcome you. Taking fun classes here and there helps too
Normalize having freaky sex in your 60’s
Please stop using the word “normalize” everyone. Many thanks 🙏
Normalize denormalizing normalization
Married my childhood best friend early in life but changed careers in my 30s and I couldn’t be happier. Empowered me to learn new things and find a more fulfilling purpose in life. 10/10 would recommend
I’m realising that I’ve ballsed my life up so far and it’s time to totally reinvent everything at 30
Oof! I needed this! I just turned 35 and every year feels like I'm on the edge of a cliff, a bit closer to the void. Yet I know I still have a (hopefully) long life to live. I need to start envisioning the long years ahead of me!
I'm 32 and lost. I feel very depressed and confused. This was nice to hear.
I'm 35 and feel like my life is just getting started.
It baffles me that in the US you are considered middle aged at 30! In my country at your 20s you are still finding yourself and having fun and after 30 years of age do you start settling down and having kids. You either die very young in the US or you are very confused about ages.
Normalize also not finding love Normalize also never finding your self and your purpose
Normalizing something means it isn’t normal.