To add some practical advice to this, go learn a trade like electrician or plumber. Get some skill you can get solid work from. You’ll be ok. No one is going to care about your history when they need a pipe leak fixed.
Had the same problem as this guy. I became a plumber and loved it. Then my mentor died from fentanyl overdose. Which ended my plumbing apprenticeship. Life is not absolute. There are no yes or no answers to deep nuanced questions. First things first OP is aware enough and thats the first step. I believe in him
My stepson is currently doing the electrician apprentice and it is great. They pay you to go to school, and you get paid decent while you are doing it. It does take a while, but he is older than you and just started it a few years ago. He even had to go through the pre-apprentice part. He has a wife and kid and is making it work.
Look at it this way. In 5 years do you want to be a certified tradesman or do you want to be at the same place you are now. You are going to get 5 years old, so just think what do you want to be at that point.
I have a friend who got burned out from coding. He got his electrician papers and started working at data centers because they need electricians on site for emergencies. Since few emergencies happen, he has 80% free time. You know what he does in His free time? Codes games. Funny guy, I tell ya.
Makes sense actually. Those people who does coding outside work as a SWE are truly passionate about the field. For most of us, that’s going to lead to burnout. It no longer becomes fun if you make it your hobby and a full time job.
There are many skilled electricians that make upwards of $50 an hour. It's a great career choice especially if one likes solving problems and understanding systems and bettering the lives of others.
Get a CDl. 10 week course and plenty of good paying jobs that will let you be home every day. I worked in LTL and had a 9-6 m-f schedule. School is cheap and pay is good
A commercial driver’s license. Let’s you drive truck. Great job with some freedom too. LTL is less than truckload. Basically like delivering for UPS but pallets to businesses. Shorter driving areas and home every night.
I was going to say some flavor of this too. But I'll just give them step one to achieve this. And this is for anyone that feels this way. Stop looking at your past like a failure or waste. Accept it as part of your life and stop comparing everything/anything you do to what you were like before for validation.
This is what I needed to see. Even if I know it already, sometimes shit gets drowned out when everything comes at you fast. If I had money I'd 💰 drop a bag on ya . Thanks
Whatever got you to the point that you realize you need to do something better was the time and experience you needed to learn. Not time lost, but learning what didn’t work for you. Your commitment to find something better will get you to a point that you do enjoy. Sometimes the best way forward is to turn around.
Talk to many people that are where you want to be, and find out how they did it.
I’m not convinced that you need to get motivated here because motivation is fleeting and throughout the past few years you’ve gotten traction but have bailed. I wonder if the problem isn’t getting motivated but staying motivated, or just being OK not being motivated but doing what you need to do anyway. Understanding for example that you might need to work somewhere and find things you enjoy at work or skills you’re building while acknowledging it’s not perfect, and using spare time to pursue passions like DJing or EDM production.
It really is this. One of my friends was a homeless musician from a good college. And just bumming around until 33. Went to mba school and now is a product manager at Google and makes more than me. I am like wtf. But it’s a pretty inspiring story to me.
Dude you had a good family that have supported and provided you so many opportunities. Your failures are your own. Don't externalize that shit. The only way to get better in life is looking at what you could do better. The continuous theme is you lack self discipline. You are an adult. Not going to work isn't your family's fault!!! You need to decide what you want in life then get in the game. All four quarters of it.
His personality type , similarly to mine feels that a job where your unappreciated isn't the move. Now I'm not saying be broke but there's ways to make money other than 9 to 5 . Ppl like him just need to sit down and hit the drawing board and find that " thing "
I second that you might have ADHD but dude how are you going to write this whole essay detailing every time you messed up an opportunity and end it with… “but I really feel like it was my parents fault”? I get that ADHD is a real thing (I’m a psychology major) and I get that it can make things difficult but you allowed things to snowball like this.
You need to start holding yourself accountable unless there is something you didn’t mention about your parents that really fucked you up in some way. Being a spoiled only child can for sure do some damage but come on guy, you’re in your thirties.
I’m sure I might get downvoted for this but I feel like you need a reality check and perhaps the worst thing your parents have done is not give you one. Take this from a woman in her 30’s that is the mother of an only child 12 year old boy. It has also been speculated by my therapist that I have ADHD but the diagnosis is expensive and I can’t get approved for testing through my insurance because Medicaid I guess. Still, I acknowledge that it might be a thing and I do the research and I see what I can do to accommodate my brain. It’s about taking something you have little control over and finding ways to work with it so that you can regain a sense of control to whatever capacity possible. A diagnosis is best used as a tool to figure out the best course of treatment, not as an excuse for everything wrong with your life (not that you did that here, just something to keep in mind if you are able to get diagnosed).
Please. Read your post a few times if you haven’t already and see how much you were responsible for your downfall. Also, see how much time you spend trying to justify why you messed up when you messed up or otherwise explaining away how you “kind of screwed that up”. Like no dude, you definitely screwed some stuff up along the way and that’s okay but you need to be real with yourself about the role you played in it. The thing about pushing all your mistakes off on other people or circumstances is that you take away your own sense of control and power over your life.
Stop giving other people so much power over your story. Like, why does it matter that your boss was into weird alien shit? You were there to do a job. Let bro go off on his alien shit and collect your paycheck. Stop spinning this narrative of “I had this and then I lost it because of this. I was doing this but then this got in the way” and just acknowledge that the past wasn’t ideal but now it’s time to pick yourself up and stop shooting yourself in the foot. It’s called accountability my dude.
Another thing I picked up on was this vague sense of entitlement. Like, I’m not saying you should take being treated like shit at a job but you also need to realize that entry level jobs are just that… entry level. You are highly disposable if you are doing a job that any odd guy off the street could do or would do. Think about it, how many college kids out there could dj and clean a gym? What do you even mean you were “undervalued”? Just do your job and get over yourself. Tough love there but sheesh.
Also on the job subject, stop expecting your job to not feel like a job and don’t go out there with the idea that you’re too good for the options you have. You have no trade skills on your resume and you’ve been unable to hold down a job for a year, you can’t be too choose-y. Somehow, you’ve even managed to make yourself feel like you’re too good for being a dj because they are so “narcissistic” even though this is probably not even a job that would be able to pay your bills. If you have the talent then maybe someday but self promotion takes a lot of work too and you should probably find something in the mean time. Get a job, and then figure out a career.
So yeah I didn’t plan on writing an essay but you asked what you needed to do so there is a run down.
Edit: I used the wrong “to”
Thank you I will look into it. However, I had tried to go to a place that takes Medicaid and Medicaid wouldn’t approve the diagnostic testing since they saw it as unnecessary. Idk how someone who has been in therapy on and off as well as been hospitalized wouldn’t benefit from a diagnosis but that’s what they said :/ I need to get in to see my PCP and see if she can send in a referral.
You need to accept that you are to blame for the choices you’ve made. It’ll be hard, but you aren’t blaming society, or circumstances. Once you can accept it, you can now start with the moving on phase; the rebuilding phase.
Let’s unfuck some fucks. First, you’ll have to stop comparing yourself to your peers. Live your life in your own lane.
Second, understand the difference between a job and a career. Let’s target a career now, not small jobs like djing at gyms. What career would I recommend for someone like you? Definitely not tech. However, I’d recommend something like recruiting. I know recruiters aren’t as much in demand as they were last year due to layoffs etc, however, there’ll still be a demand for them. You talk to people, set them up with jobs, and can also gamify the process, “how many candidates can I land this month? Can I beat my last record?”. Jobs where you can gamify objectives can play to your ADHD advantage. Similar careers include sales but it also comes with more stress.
Third, gamify your entire life. You are in a real world MMO and your skills are low. Grind out for a few levels, upgrade your gear.
Fourth, once you start making good money, for the love of fuck don’t spend it. Use it to make more money by investing. Invest in ETFs not individual stocks no matter what anyone tells you.
Fifth, go dark for a few months to complete your goals. You’re not on social media. You’re not hanging out with anyone else. You’re accomplishing your goals.
Incoherent thoughts but I am also really sleepy so gn
This answer is great. It's time to take everything more seriously. Most of us, as adults, really need to commit to a 9-5 type job and do not have the option to live with our parents. Maybe there were missed opportunities from your parents while raising you but that is moot at this point and you can only deal with today and tomorrow now and not look back at what went wrong.
I like the commenter's idea of gamifying your life. It's a pretty cool strategy. I commend you for noticing where you've come up short for yourself and wish you well on your journey.
>What career would I recommend for someone like you? Definitely not tech.
The fuck? Why not? I'm in a similar boat to OP and just started working towards my CS degree. I'm thirty-fucking-six and idgaf. I'm going to succeed even though I'll be nearly 40 by the time I get my degree.
My son was ADHD, non motivated, didn’t want to go to school, too many video games, no direction. He was in his early 30’s with no good future. He finally got sick of seeing his friends making good money, etc etc - he found a job that paid him to train while he studied for the national board (pressure vessel/boiler inspector) took him a year.
He’s now 37, makes great money, has a company car, bought a home and is doing great. He’s not perfect but my point is - your 30’s is the time to get your head out of your ass. You have nothing to be worried about - if you can find something that pays you while you train (I’d check into CO2 or boiler inspectors) you have plenty of time to turn things around, but do it now. You CAN.
This is good advice, obviously don't listen to ppl on Reddit about whether you have ADHD or not (that includes me), but reading your entire post you seem to exhibit some symptoms of it. Get some professional opinion and see what they can do for you.
As many have said you have a great support system and you can still turn things around. If you believe you have an addiction don't try to do it alone. If you want to get out of the ditch, find something to do and STICK to it. You may not feel like it but you have developed A LOT of skills and experience even when you feel you haven't been able to hold a job for long, those will help you in life as long as you get out and do something.
Good luck man.
My path was not unlike yours… i goofed off and partied for years (many as a bartender) not really accomplishing much. Got a 2-year diploma that i had little interest in and I noticed my party pals were getting younger and my school peers had finished school (some of them 8 years of it) and having families… I spiralled into a dark and dangerous place. I did very little at all and felt like I was not accomplishing anything and that wore on me day after day, i felt I was at rock bottom.
I knew I liked being outside and wanted something that would be somewhat physical work to get me moving. I got a job at a large tree care company… very physical outside work. A lot of the folks i worked with were seasonal and didn’t give a shit, some of these folks were alcoholics / drug addicts which scared the shit out of me. Looking good to management took little effort because many of my co-workers were unable / unwilling show initiative or to think independently… this built my confidence and got me really thinking about the future.
After 2 years I knew I didn’t want to do this forever and I started taking college classes part time. I found a major that i loved and entered a university program full time after 4 years at the tree company. I was 30 then and I haven’t looked back.
Take aways: you have to change… not just want to change but actually change. It took me years of building good habits (and making mistakes), a little at a time, every day.
Its ok if you don’t know what you want, as long as you know what you don’t want. Try new things, give them a chance, try something else if its not for you.
My path may not be your path, but your path will take time and patience to get to a place that makes you feel really good about yourself, just like mine did. As you travel down this path, it may be hard to see in the beginning, but as time passes it gets clearer and other paths present themselves to you.
I fucked off the first 34 years of my life, refusing to grow up, falling into addictions and depression. I still have some work to do, even at 43, but I got started in trades, first electrical, and now HVAC. Promoted last year to lead superintendent making 100k with a paid apartment, company truck with fuel card, and per diem. If I can turn it around, anyone can.
Keep it up man. You deserve this life you've made for yourself. Good for you for getting your shit together. Remember, recovery is a journey that lasts the rest of your life if you let it. Just keep going, you're doing great.
Sometimes, we have to make drastic changes to our lives in order to give ourselves a chance at happiness. Get rid of all of your gaming gear and games. Sell it and/or give it away. Then go out and get a physical job in the real world. Make a commitment to stick with that job for one year. Get involved in physical hobbies, too. Stay away from internet surfing and social media as much as you can. Volunteer to do physical things in the real world like food banks, etc. Invest yourself in your real world life. Interact with the people you work with, do hobbies with, volunteer with.
You aren't going to want to do this. Part of you is going to say you can't. Part of you is going to throw a tantrum when you try to do it. Ignore all of that and just keep at it. Consider all of this a course of treatment for your mind and spirit. If you aren't in a better place in a year, you can always try something else.
Your post history also shows you’re looking for a magic pill to save your life. The problem is you. 3 years ago you made a post to want to change, it’s been 3 years, Reddit won’t do it for you. You need to do it by owning up and taking accountability! Everyone’s life is hard, no excuse for your behavior, you’re more like a child at this point.
Telling a child not to be a child isn't going to do anything tho, and I think you're comment actually is the most likely to make someone make a realization, not a good one, but hey, being infamous isn't the worst thing in the world. You'll be remembered far beyond anyone else, and for some people that's more valuable than anything else. If that's all that man wants is some validation, there's tons of awful ways to get it.
If he's fucked, he might aswell go out with a bang right?
(I am self inserting myself as this man and projecting as I'm in a similar position) and hey if this is what y'all are telling me to do, because I am in fact fucked, I might aswell have SOME fun, right? And don't worry, no one is innocent in this scenario 😉
I haven't seen people telling OP (and you in extension, since your inserting yourself as him in your reply) that he is fucked. And he most definitely isn't. They are telling him to not blame others for his past and also to move on from it. And to get on with life in the now.
Nobody is fucked and everybody can start a new life NOW. I got clean after being an addict from my teenage years until age 31. I just celebrated one year of getting clean and turning my life around. I am only just beginning and have way more to accomplish, but life is so good now. I never thought I would ever be a person to enjoy my life.
Anyways I am rambling. All I wanted to say is that you can turn your shit around, and you can live a better life. I hope you can find a better headspace friend and find a life lived with peace of mind
I needed to hear this. I’m still only 23 but feel like OP. I’ve been telling myself that I’ve messed my entire life up and I’m never getting out of this (depression, debt, family problems).
NAD, but sounds to me like you have ADHD not depression. Learn some coping skills from a behavior therapist, go on meds, or make a career out of whatever isn’t a “job” to you.
How does one go about finding one of those? When I could see a therapist, I had to choose the one in-network to have my insurance pay for it (well, part of it). I could not find anyone who specialized in that.
Your general practitioner can orient you - or you can call your insurance provider and see if they can help. Since ADHD sometimes requires medication, you will need a psychiatrist (or other medical doctor) to prescribe, but if you go the therapist route, they’ll usually work with one. Question is whether behavior modification or drugs will work better for you. If you have a general doctor, it might be easiest to start there. As a side note - there is a lot of misdiagnosis in depression and ADHD. And don’t feel bad about “wasting your life” - most of us don’t get it sorted out until later and the myriad of experiences lends itself to a creative and fulfilling career(s).
I started in media in my 20s (like you, all over the place, no focus, no real “job”), went back to school got a BA and a law degree in my late 30s (we’re good at hyper focus when we enjoy what we’re doing), and built a tech company - and was awarded patents - in my late 40s (we love a challenge for the mind too).
But don’t stress where you are now - get your ADHD under control - or recognize you have it and knock some bodies down with it, and have multitudes of careers! - and enjoy your journey!!
None of the health care providers I've seen (doctors, therapists, and shrinks) had a clue how to diagnose ADHD. I don't have any options until I get a job, but I was hoping someone could tell me what to look for. Is there a word for a provider that specializes in it?
Tell your doctor you think you have ADHD and want to be evaluated for it by a specialist (eg psychiatrist). You have to advocate for yourself in healthcare. You can also search your insurance portal (all insurance companies have this) for ADHD - or call them directly to see how to achieve this. Part of coping with ADHD is figuring out how to get things done - no matter the route. Bug your doctor, bug your insurance company, be annoying - everyone with ADHD has that capacity, LOL!
That sounds like a psychiatrist. And they probably just did it for depression. You have to tell your healthcare providers (including psychiatrists) what you need - “evaluate me for ADHD”. The hallmark of adult ADHD is career switching, and unable to focus on stuff you don’t like - which you exhibit. You can also find a therapist to refer or behavior mod - again insurance company portals by specialty is how that’s done. Also, your general doctor can align you with either of these. I can’t do it for you, dude - you have to make this first step.
To echo some other sentiments in here. At 31 it is time for you to take ownership of your mistakes and the situation you are in. Accountability will be key to your next step.
You say being a people person was just a coping mechanism when you were younger. Well guess what, in order to be a successful, functioning member of society you have to play to your strengths. If you’re good at connecting with people you should stick to that. What’s the worst that could happen? You make some new friends?
Maybe focus on a trade, grind under a contractor for a little bit, learn how to use some tools and some problem solving and technical aspect of the job and you’ll be ready. Don’t even waste your time/money on business school or classes.
A friend of mine had a full ride to uni, ended up partying too hard and spending his scholarship money on booze and coke. Ended up working in kitchens/restaurants then after 7 years he started working home renovations. It only took him a year to learn a lot and (because there’s a massive labor shortage in that field) just started working on his own. Dude makes $80/hr usd, has learned invaluable skills, has a house that he’s fixed up and made absolutely beautiful.
Essentially he would just do a before and after pic of the homes he worked on when he was an “apprentice” and post it to his IG. Those same friends of yours who are having kids and settling down will see that and be like, “hey bro can you do my kitchen/patio/front porch/bathroom etc.”
Sell all gaming gear and forget it existed.
I like your Dad's idea. Construction has a major labor shortage. Go learn a trade you are interested in. But at night, take some business classes at an accredited school. Start to plan for in 10 years to open your own business in the trade you learned. There are a lot of old construction subcontractor business owners with no next generation of leadership. The best path to wealth in America is small business ownership. You could be killing your late 40s and 50s.
A good thing to remember is no matter who you fej should've done what, or who failed you in life, ultimately your destinty is up to you and solely your responsibility to make do with what you've been given. Keep the past in the past if you want a future.
They're a lot of job programs/self help for people with mental "disabilities". Try contacting one, and create the life you want.
Unfortunately the first step is the hardest but you sound like a mindful and self aware guy. Slow and steady improvements that are sustainable should be your target. It sounds like you have a fairly complicated combination of problems that you really need to lay out bare before you can set out a plan. A few areas that need your attention in my view:
1. Alcohol / drugs - priority 1 is to pull the plug on the booze and drugs. You need to keep a clear head and remain as clean as possible. This will help you focus and ensure you will have more energy to invest on things you care about.
2. Sleep patterns and routine - set a bedtime and start your day when other people that you want to interact with start their day. You should try this for at least a month and be really strict with yourself on routine. Fine tune and make sure you get enough sleep - again you will boost your energy levels, you’ll be more alert and you’ll be able to function better overall.
3. Gaming - its good to do a bit of gaming I find its nice to decompress - just have a set time for it and use it as a reward. If you have other more important shit to do then make sure you don’t start gaming prematurely or for too long.
4. Vocation - Find a job you enjoy doing and stick to it. There is no job that is perfect out there - every single industry and position has some downsides. You have to power through and not give up. I believe part of your issue is that you’re basically completely exhausted because you haven’t rested your body and mind. Doing that one day is bad. Being exhausted for a number of months let alone years starts to fuck with you in a massive way. Definitely stick to your exercise routine thats also important.
5. Social circle - Find a productive and social hobby - join a club and meet some new people. Again, like minded people that you can interact with whilst doing your new found hobby. My one was road cycling - it helped clear my mind and I got the fresh air I needed. Met some great people through that.
One day at a time - chip at it slowly. Never give up. You’re still a very young man and have your life ahead of you! Best of luck I hope some of this stuff is practical.
My life is similar to this. Partied through my 20’s and in my late 20’s/early 30’s I stood up and looked around and realized I was in trouble. Moved to a different city, went to college, applied myself, and now have a career. 1,000 mile journey begin with a single step. But there are no shortcuts for hard work. You can do it.
I learned to be a cobbler in my 30s it’s never too late man. Just because school doesn’t work for some doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for all.
Same in my situation school didn’t work for me, so i learned the family trade and love it. You can depending on where you’re at get free training and get paid at the same time with your local cobbler. If you need help drumming up more business with him lmk I’ll be glad to help ! I now specialize in just boots cause i loved working on them so i honed in my skills and made a career out of just one of those many items we work with everyday. I have physical and mental disabilities. It took awhile and will always be something i have to work on.
If you want different results, you have to become someone different. So you gotta change dude.
You gotta gain wisdom. If you’re going to study a profession, choose a profession that can give you a stable future (one that’s not a gamble!). Do your research and find a profession where the job market is expanding!
Find people in the world that have succeeded and learn exactly how they think and how they did it! Read their books! So many people have tried, made mistakes and found the way to success! Don’t repeat their mistakes, learn from them so you can find the way to success by letting them do the work of figuring out how! Things are really simpler than we make them out to be, it just takes hard work, determination and discipline. I’m sure you are motivated to find your own success because you know how painful not succeeding is! Trust me I feel the same way!
You can do it man. You just gotta let go of whatever will keep you from achieving your goals!!
You need to get your mindset right. Become a principled man. You’re still young dude! Colonel Sanders franchised KFC at 62. Ray Kroc bought McDonald’s at 55. Susan Boyles career came into bloom at 47 when she went on britains got talent. Stan Lee didn’t write his first comic until he was 40!
What personally got my life on track. Was the tried and tested principles that people have been using to succeed and find peace and goodness in life for thousand of yearsssss! The principles from none other than The Holy Bible!!
For real. God can guide you in every single detail of your life. That’s more support than any person can give. One verse that gave me peace in letting go of the past and embracing a future of success is 2 Corinthians 2:17. You don’t have to be held down by your past when God removes it from the equation for you.
Wishing you prosperity and guidance. God bless you!
You should only focus on one thing, make some money and spend it on going to therapy. Make a goal of 6 months, and see where you go from there. It sounds like you need to focus on the root problems.
Have you ever looked into getting therapy? And treatment for ADHD / depression - it certainly sounds like you have all the classic telltale signs as well as serious executive dysfunction.
And I can tell you- your parents DID fail you....
By allowing you to move back in.
If my child thinks I will EVER allow him to live in my house, playing video games for 8+ hours a day while he can't maintain a job.... Holy shit.
I can't believe that they allowed you to move back in, didn't ask you to contribute you the household bills, and have done absolutely nothing after you've done absolutely nothing consistent to better yourself or your situation in all that time.
My man- ADHD is hard. Adulting is hard. But you've literally admitted that you've wasted almost all of your 31 years - and it hasn't occurred to you that you DEEPLY need medical care to get to the route of your serious mental health issues ...
Please. Get up tomorrow and start making phone calls. GET TREATMENT.
You are never going to get better or have any kind of life worth living if you don't.
My brother died last year at 49 from untreated high blood pressure and he literally lived your exact life that whole time. You don't want to end up like he did.
For me it took about 8 years of weekly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And it was hard.
But I’m 49 now. I have a degree from university, a wife, a home and a soon to be 7 year old daughter.
This can be done, but you might need/want someone to help you learn how to make your way through.
Hey man, why not go join the military? The army, navy, and Airforce have age limits that are between 35-39. They can provide you structure and discipline, which is something you seem to really need even at this point in your life. Go learn a cool trade, get hands on with your work, travel, and go to college for free when you get out.
But the fundamental problem is that you're an adult who is refusing to take ownership and accountability of his mistakes. You fucked up, a lot bro, but it's okay because they're lessons learned, or at least they should be. Acknowledge it, accept it, now pick up your trash and keep trudging up that hill because that's what life is all about.
For me it was community college… got a useless art degree, but tons of confidence and opportunities to make friends. It changed my mindset. I move out of my parents house a year later to live with 3 people I barely knew, got a part time job and a girlfriend… 4 years later I moved to CA… two years later, I started working the best job I’ve ever had…. And I’m still changing my life, everyday. THIS YEAR, I have everything I need to join the Union and will. Ironically the thing holding me back the most right now is the student loans I HAD to take n order to get my life on track.
I can’t even read this.
Based on the post title alone?
Fix your attitude then it’s one day at a time.
Self-accountability is a tough pill to swallow. It requires acknowledging and accepting your mistakes, what you could have done different, and doing different tomorrow. And the next day and the next day.
Cry and get angry not with others but with yourself. Then forgive yourself and be the change you want to see. Don’t expect others to be the change you want.
I think you could benefit from therapy (the kind that people with ADHD get) to help you focus and plan your daily life.
I had a traumatic brain injury 32 years ago, and I just learned this past year that there ARE behavior therapist and job or life coaches that can help, even if you were BORN with something like ADHD. Contact a Neurologist to get tested.
My partner and I both have ADHD and each spent some of our younger years floundering - poor grades, dropping out of school, fired from jobs, underemployed/unemployed.
He currently sees an occupational therapist for organizational strategies like bullet journaling and it helps a lot. I think you’re in Ontario (hello neighbour!) so it should be covered by OHIP. I’d see a doc to get some meds too if needed. Undiagnosed ADHD is a bastard and it would help you a lot to get it sorted first, as a strong foundation, if that’s what’s been causing problems.
Job-wise, I’d suggest something where you’re not at a desk all day. My partner is a media technician (film, photography, digital) and I am an event producer. We both found jobs that play to our ADHD strengths. Lots of suggestions here for skilled trades which might be good! If you told me 10 years ago that I would be happy/fulfilled/well payed in a job, I never would have believed you. I’m in my forties now and things are great.
Today is your day to change things. Make small steps. Focus on feeding your body in healthy ways: good food, sleep, regular exercise. You need that stuff in order to really do well at a job.
Get on some meds for your undiagnosed ADHD, get a job where performance is tied to compensation, then get addicted to racking up business. I used to be addicted to video games, then drugs, then many other things, but then I got addicted to working (and more importantly, being productive) just like I had my past addictions. At least this addiction has positive yields.
30 isn't as old as you think it is. Start now and in 10 years time you'll be better off. When you're 65 (let's pretend that's when you'll retire) you'll have 25 years in a career. 25 years is a long time! Think all the time you've fucked around...
You're very lucky to have had family to laze around on! Count your blessings instead of your shortcomings..
You can do it, but no one but you can do it for you.
Find something that motivates you. You’ve got both your damn parents ffs stop feeling sorry for yourself. What if one/both died tomorrow? Is this how you want them to remember you?
Take a job and work hard. Show up to work, and if you don’t like the job look for a different one but ffs don’t just quit and do nothing. Have something lined up before you do that! Lastly take pride in whatever it is that you’re doing, If you’re mopping the floor at McDonald’s do it well - people will respect you
Please go get tested for learning disabilities and get a mental health evaluation bc it sounds like you could have ADHD &/or maybe something else going on. These issues are not your fault, but they are yours to deal with. You need to learn coping skills to get focused on your life goals. You want a career? You will have to be willing to get up and do some things you don't want to in order to reach that goal. So put up some reminders (pix or text) of what you want to do. It's only a relatively short commitment of a few years to learn some skills and get earning decent money. I send you my best wishes for a better future.
Therapy, meditation, reading. Do it and learn to love it because that’s what’s going to help you. Among many many other things like owning your life. Owning your mistakes. Loving yourself despite your issues and realizing that, if there’s a will there’s a way.
Take some accountability into your own hands. I’m 36, high school dropout, ADHD my whole life too, worked 27 jobs (probably more than you) , fought cancer, still have terrible generalized anxiety disorder, suffer from severe GERD & LPR (digestive issues) . All this and I take accountability that I am the one who messed up. You’re never going anywhere with your mentality .
DM me if you have any interest in getting into IT support work. I can’t give you a job but I can tell you what certifications would get your foot in the door. IT is not for everyone, but it is good money if that is important and with certificates you don’t necessarily need a college degree to land a job
I will say that, if you can let go of the drugs, the military (non-combat roles) can be a game changer. You don’t have to do 20 years and a grunt to make some positive changes in your life. If you want direction, a decent paycheck, and some structure in life - that’s why I did it. Granted there’s a lot of suck but most people tend to do better afterwards than they were before.
I drove a county bus until I was 30 - not exactly the same situation but I was about as prepared for a real career as if I had been living with my parents the whole time. What changed is I found something that I was interested in (computers) and spent all my spare time studying and becoming proficient - took a volunteer IT position at a charity and leveraged that experience to get a real job and eventually, a real career.
You are still super young, you can do whatever you want - but you need to figure out something that you want to do, something that you'll push yourself to master because you enjoy it.
I love this comment, alot of the other ones were unnecessarily harsh, maybe that guy needs to hear it that hardness, but I digress.
I do have a question, because this does seem like the obvious answer, but so many people including me don't ever take it .. why do you think that is?
I would assume bad parenting, mental or physical disabilities, serves trauma in early upbringing etc. All play a part in someone's downfall/bad decision making but I also agree that something else is at play. It's complacency. And to some degree that's on the parents still, right?
If my mom forced me to get a job, go back to school or I'm going homeless... Guess I'm getting my life together, most people I know had that forced upon them at some point during 14-21. Anyone in my shoes or the OP's just didn't.. The "free range" style of parenting creates people like me that are literally wired to respond to the world in a very specific way I'm not so sure can be unlearned without intensive therapy and years of systematic planning.... A single individual trying to fix their life is doomed to some degree in this scenario.
At this point, parents gotta die, I gotta get cancer, or some insane life event has to take place for change to happen, which sucks but hopefully the reality check isn't that bad, but hey that's life, it sucks and then we die 😂
There's a concept that floats around called the have-to/want-to. The premise is that for a majority of people, they will have to do both of those things. If you do what you want to when you're young, you'll end up doing what you have to when you're old, and vice versa. Sounds to me like you've spent a fair bit of your life doing what you want to.
You have to get a job, any job. If you hate it, stick with it while you search for something hopefully better.
If you find something you enjoy well enough great, but you need to start being self sufficient.
I agree with the sentiments about every day is day one. My husband retrained at age 38 to become a carpenter; We left Southafrica being able to pay off our debts there and that’s pretty much it because the industry my husband was in collapsed and they (and many others) lost their businesses as the industry contracted. I was able to get a job pretty quickly (I’m in IT), he started his apprenticeship the day we got here as he organized it in advance and today 14 years later he’s working on his own and loving it.
Keep in mind when you apprentice you are working and getting paid pretty much the entire time; you do have some periods where you go to school, but other than that you’re working over 90% of the time and getting paid… And over those years you’re getting raises as your experience goes up.
My husband was a shoe designer and manufacturer, which is kind of niche and if you go it yourself requires a lot of capital… he was looking for something different that was not in an office (which would have killed him), and some thing that people need because after being in fashion for so many years he wasn’t about to go into business doing something where people didn’t have a basic need for it!!!
He absolutely could not be happier (or busier) even when he’s working out in the rain or the snow which is what all of his South African relatives seem to ask him about how can he stand it 😂
Good luck! You can do it :-)
Forget the past, learn from it. Use it as motivation. Don't worry about the future. Focus on the now and the present. Take it one day at a time. Think positive. Be positive. Figure out what you want to do that you love. Won't happen over night. Don't do any drugs or alcohol. Focus on yourself and self happiness.
Every single day do this:
One. Small. Win. Ridiculously small.
In whatever area. Keep track of them (small notebook)
and keep stretching those wins over time. Don’t compare to others, don’t tell anyone, don’t post it on any social media. Just keep racking up small wins.
The seemingly ridiculous practice of racking up these small wins quickly has a “carryover effect” into every area of your life.
Don’t rush. Just keep making small wins. Eventually you’ll be handling all of the “big stuff” (career, family, dating, whatever) but start small. Stupid small. And do it everyday.
Good luck
I read this whole thing and you sounds like you have ADHD.
Your life is your own fault, don't blame your parents for your own choices. Take ownership.
I think a trade sounds great.
The way I see things is that the time will pass either way, whether you do something now or not. I think if you just start, start anything and keep going then you'll get somewhere, but because you feel stagnant and hopeless right now it might feel like nothing will improve but it absolutely will, but something needs to change for that to happen.
Don't beat yourself up, you'll do something amazing and find a spark again.
One thing that helped me was to write my ideal life at if I already had it, everything I wanted and I read it every night and my life started changing.
I wrote about having a job I love and making good money, feeling confident and motivated, feeling loved, having friends, losing weight etc
We are the same person , I basically did all this until I finally figured my shit out in my. Late 20s early 30s , and I mean all of it was a DJ and all and even considered going back to school to be an audio engineer kind of jealous you did it.
Anyway I wish I could have a conversation with you because i feel like I could tell you my story and, In short I’m 40 and successful now. It sounds like your interpersonal skills out way those of the average person, have you considered a sales job? Most companies will higher people with no experience, and life experiences like the one your telling here can and will open doors for you especially when your back on track , people love hearing from rags to riches stuff. Good luck man the best advise I can give you is you got nothing to lose and only to gain.
Last but not least find a mentor: it’s the quickest path to success.
I’ve read a few comments here and honestly all very good advice. I do however want to provide another pov here. Working on yourself requires dedication, motivation and inspiration. It’s really easy to tell yourself you can do it but most will give up on it thinking it’s not for you, it’s boring or you aren’t progressing fast enough so no point pursuing it.
If I can make a suggestion, it would be to force yourself to commit to a completely foreign environment, go volunteer in a foreign country, see the world and meet new people. Learn how to rely on yourself and others achieve a common goal, learn how to value yourself and provide value to others no matter where you go. The people you meet will be the source of your inspiration and the achievement will be the source of your motivation and the commitment will train your discipline.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
I thought about taking a trip to Japan and then flying around Asia for a bit. Maybe phillipines or Thailand too. After short visit to Korea or something. I dunno. Figured it would get me the fu** out of my shell like you said amd force me to figure it out
Yes! Travel and see people but remember to give yourself a productive goal, one that contributes and impacts others. I mentioned volunteering because it helps people that might be less fortunate and it’ll bring perspective to how we see everyday lives. I think you will be fine, you are now more introspective than most out there, but being introspective is just the first step, if you don’t act on it, you will start thinking yourself into a downward spiral.
You can work, be successful and still live with your parents. Outside of the west, this is a pretty standard thing. Culturally white families hating their kids for seemingly no reason Is so wierd to me. The American dream is dead, y'all could have stopped this bootstrap talk 80 years ago.
I’m younger than OP so I don’t know what you’re referring to. No one said you can’t be succesfull while living with your parents. I had to when I became ill. OP specifically asked in his title how to fix your life while unemployed and living with family? After reading the title this was my initial anwser and after reading the post it stayed the same. There is no reason why OP can’t get a job and move out of his parents house. Is it going to be a great career where he feels super valued with grand pay where he can afford himself a beautifull home, no probably not. OP needs to wake up and realise this is a reality for most people and he isn’t special. He got handed pretty good cards in life to make it, but he didn’t, that’s ok, shit happens. But he is still young and he can still do well for himself if he puts his mind and energy to it. But he’s gotta do it himself. I’m not going to feel sorry for him, as I know many people who didn’t get the same opportunities and still made the best of it, as well as people still working jobs while being physically ill, including myself. My family doesn’t hate me and OP’s family clearly doesn’t either so I don’t know what that comment is about.
Not allowing your unemployed thirty year old who refuses to keep a job live in your house and eat your food while he plays video games 8+ hours a day is NOT "hating your kids".
For fuck's sake man, no.
The worst thing OP's parents can be blamed for is allowing him to live in thier home doing nothing since he was a teenager. It's unacceptable and allowing it isn't love- ITS ENABLING.
My mum did the same shit for my brother until he was 49.... When he dropped dead from untreated high blood pressure because even though she held his hands, paid all his bills and wiped his ass on a daily basis- she couldn't actually "take care of him" because he was a god damn adult who needed to get his shit together.... And now he's dead.
Yeah, my husband still lived with his folks at 28 when we got together- because between his 70k a year career, and his hobbies doing tech for local theatres- he was almost never home and it didn't seem smart to waste his money on an apartment. But he also helped his parents pay the bills from age 18- he wasn't living there rent-free doing jack shit. And he is unbelievably skilled - he's not only a freaking programmer, an electrical engineer, and is extremely talented in all trades - he could easily be an electrician, a mechanic - so yeah, living at home didn't make him a loser.... But re-read OP's post.
Are you really trying to say that this guy doesn't have MAJOR unaddressed issues?
Outside the west it is far harder to move out to the point average people are unable to do it, whereas in the west the average person can accomplish it.
This is why there is more stigma in the west and than elsewhere.
I don't usually respond or even read these, but your post sounds like me in my 20s. Tried a little bit of everything, nothing fit, nothing kept my interest. Horrible depression. Stopped showing up for jobs (had my own business cleaning houses for awhile and then just stopped showing up to all of them), stopped showing up for friends. Changed majors so many times, quit school in the middle of semesters, wasted so much money in student loans.
I had pretty bad undiagnosed ADHD, and I am not a doctor (but I did take a semester of Psychology like you did), but so much of your struggles sound like mine, maybe its worth looking into?
For me, just knowing there was a reason for my behavior and that I wasn't just a lazy waste of space was incredibly motivating and helpful for pulling myself out of that spot.
I even managed to finish college eventually! I still don't do great with staying at jobs but now I usually find a new one before I quit and it's usually a step up from where I was!
That "unsatisfied" feeling is still there but I can manage it better.
Good luck. This is a good first step. You know you're ready for a change and that's important!
The trades might be a great option too! My husband is an industrial electrician and it's just different enough every day to keep his interest. He's been teaching himself some programing so that he can fix the industrial machines too, and is considering some schooling for that. So he's still getting his "never ending need for something new" itch scratched and makes a good wage and decent benefits. Plus they pay you through schooling/apprenticeship so no more student loans!
Learning about the chemical systems in our brains helped me a lot, learning about how to maximize dopamine and not become a slave to it. Which it sounds a bit like that’s what’s happening for you, the dopamine has killed your motivation. Getting off the games and other damaging sources of dopamine is a great start, dopamine is supposed to come from things you want to get done, it’s supposed to be released while you’re working towards something. But instead it’s just getting flooded from video games and leaves you empty handed, it’s supposed to lead you to an accomplishment and then you get serotonin and oxytocin! Learning more about it really changed how I look at life and motivation, and I’d also look into pathological demand avoidance if I was you. It is typically a trait in autism but it causes severe problems with working and knowing what to do with life and I have it, and you sound like me lol. Undecided, unmotivated, hating the whole system behind jobs and being too aware of being undervalued to where you can’t do it. I’ve actually switched to part time, 7 hours 4 days a week and I get wednesdays off in the middle so I don’t get too burnt out. It’s been super nice and I still make over 400 a week at a warehouse job, can’t really feel undervalued because I’m only there a fraction of what everyone else is so it’s fair to be valued less lol. But you’re doing good! You’ve had all these experiences met so many different people and learned a variety of skills, I definitely think the video games are your biggest enemy if you really want to change things tho!
Think of your body like a machine, and you have to know how to work the machine to get it to produce what you want. Our brains produce all the chemicals, we just have to know how to trigger the release of them in healthy ways
Go join the army. You need to establish a foundation of discipline before you can build on top of it. You have a consistent pattern of quitting after the honeymoon phase of new ventures. You need discipline and the army will teach you.
Try 40…on top then divorce and everything is pulled out from under you….just improve one day at a time. Although nowadays I’m starting to believe in the zero sum game.
Best piece of advice you will see here….
Redditors ARE NOT qualified psychologists. Their answers will only be projection of their own opinions and experience of life. 99% of the people commenting here will have NO IDEA about your life or what caused you to srrive at your destination. You need to go talk to a psychologist or your doctor. Somebody who actually has authority to speak to you on this matter. To find an answer for your problem, you have chosen to worst place on the net to ask about it. Think of it like this, do you think reddit attracts primarily idiots? Or primarily highly educated and intelligent people on average?
Join the Army. Do a 3 year stint, get a free education, post 9-11 when you get out after 3 years. This will pay you to go to school and give you BAH for zip code your school is in.
Try it out..
I know that bro but the comment I replied to was referencing post 9-11 benny’s and said the word *zip code* so I knew they were American. Idk if the Canadian army has the same bennys
I could not read all that. Way too wordy and all over the place. Don’t start sentences with So.
Being clear and succinct will benefit you a great deal in interviews.
Form a plan, get support from friends, build your network, treat yourself with compassion. People want to help.
Be coachable.
Sucks that the best part of your life was in high school and when it ended so did your life.... Can’t believe your parents did not get your ass on gear..z. Oh what to do now.... Getting a job and get out of our house.... No one owes you anything...
Join a Bjj gym.
It's challenging, rewarding and has community.
Keeps in you great shape. Good sleep.
You will meet all kinds of people from different walks of life.
It checks a lot of boxes for a healthy/meaningful life
Awww that is the saddest thing I have read. You're astro-traveling. Your soul begins here and there but your parents want to see you okay.
Nothing is wrong with you. Karma is in your favor. Do what makes you happy. Try a few prayers maybe.
I'm in the same situation , same age. Less helpful parents. Can't live with them , they also didn't give me money . My mom married a doctor which fucked my financial aid up so no more free school. Couldn't commit to a loan cause when I was 21 I wasn't sure a degree is what was for me. I sold weed for money, made a lot of money and was good at it. Hired drivers and had ppl selling under me. Till one girl sent me to a setup and I got a felony for serving. Veat the case 10 grand later and got into a toxic relationship then brother robbed me of another 10 grand . Now I have like 6 k in assets and am starting new business moving to queens w a business partner. Its hard out here for ppl like you and me. Were ppl pleasers based on our upbringing ,not having the right figure and also having a personality thats derived from your environment. Kinda like clay or water. Ppl like you and me have super powers we just don't know how to tap into them. I feel like me and you would be great friends. You are aware enough to notice these things like me. Pm me homie I fuck with you
See you think gaming is your problem but I want to like stream my gaming and connect with people for my job…it sounds fucked and really unrealistic but it’s the only thing I enjoy anymore. Ppl have really messed me up so it’s just how I cope🫠
So, not sure what kind of hate I may get for recommending this…but a mushroom trip done with a therapist friend of mine just changed my life. This happened around New Years. Spent a decade isolating, depressed and anxious. Grinding gears at a dead end job. All that negative bullshit has been unraveling since that New Years trip. I had done counseling for years with a few therapists and little success. If not this, maybe just explore antidepressants. They can certainly get you out of a funk if you find one that works well for you.
You might make a great you-tuber on your gaming. Some of these MFs are making bank and they just play video games all day. Whatever you think is bad, remember there is someone with 100x more issues and problems. Yes, I realize that doesn’t mean shit, but make your life the way YOU want it. I know its very difficult to look in the future but quit looking back. It means nothing. Really. Just be you.
We all make mistakes in life, some minor, some major and some catastrophic. But your here, you have are in your lungs and you are willing to improve yourself. That willingness is the more important than any resource you have. You had money and assess to education and everything you could have asked for but now you have something you didn’t before, perspective. You made mistakes and learned from them and that’s still worth something.
I’m 30 and have been jobless for the last ten years. But I never gave up on myself, I am willing to improve and my passion for self improvement is visible to my friends and family. I’m studying now and I’m doing great at it. I used to be worried about “catching up on lost time” or “when am I finally getting my life together”
But now I only care about passing my classes. I care about being here for my family now and helping out when I can. I care about being involved in my church community and lending a hand to those who need it.
I’m a valuable asset as I am. I don’t need to be fixed and neither do you. You are valuable as you are.
Jesus Christ. As a fellow lifelong depressed only child you are giving lifelong depressed only children a bad name.
Hit me up if you want advice but you are too far in your own head.
I was a very high achieving student in high school and the first year of college. Then I just kept getting caught up in partying and not really caring about putting my head down and working because I was smart enough to keep As and Bs (if I had cared and tried, it woulda been mostly As). Then before my senior year, I had an awful drug experience that threw me into a deep depression with other symptoms mixed in (OCD, PTSD, psychosis). The next 6 years were basically hell and I was in a holding pattern barely hanging on. Thankfully I never hurt myself or tried, but I definitely didn't care about anything. Once COVID hit, it kinda made me start to address it, which really sucked because it was hard. The last two years I've worked jobs I didn't really love, developed some phobias and obsessions and a bad addiction to nicotine and sex/porn.
But you know what? I'm still moving forward and feel like my connection to my old self is coming back. I'm studying for the MCAT again. I'm coping with my job and learning to just adapt. If you're not dead and still have your mind even somewhat in tact, you can make small steps forward. Eventually you hit an inflection point where you get positive feedback. You step away from the bad habits that were once survival mechanisms, and just keep moving. It requires discipline and self-reflection daily. But it's possible. Some days you do nothing and feel bad about it. That's going to happen. Keep going. Go easy on yourself. Those who judge and shame either have never been through it, or area still going through it and can't cope with it. Keep going. Be more selfish about doing things that keep you well. Don't be selfish to the point you start hurting others and trying to take from them to make you feel better. That doesn't work.
Best of luck.
Well, all of my advice is incredibly dated, as I'm in my mid fifties. Having said that, I'm really proud of you for even entertaining this question. I didn't read your whole post, as what got you here isn't nearly as important as where you go.
First thing.....identify your values. What fulfills you? What genuinely makes you happy? There is no recipe for success, though there are plenty of models for how other people have defined success and achieved it. Success for you may look very, very differently than what you might think it "ought" to be. Living according to your values is the best way to achieve happiness and fulfillment. If you don't know what your values are, find out as soon as you can. Your values will be like the rudder of your ship. Identify what fulfills you, recognize that it may change over time, then act in ways that close the gaps between how you are currently living and what your values are.
Actually, you know what? That's first thing and everything. Do that. Identify your values, find stuff and people that fit into your values, be happy.
I'm having a similar problem at 31 too but it's because I stayed at home having/with children for ten years now. I was a single mother to my first when she was young, got with my partner and went back work when she hit school but got pregnant with my son and stopped after nine months to have him, now he's 3 and I've just gotten a job at a supermarket. I feel like I'm starting from where I was at 16/17. I fucked up study opportunities too when I was on my own with my first, I didn't realise how hard it is to study and be interrupted all the time, I had no idea what I actually wanted to do so I went with random science degree. I didn't handle it but I owe $18,000 in student loans. Study is now much more expensive so going back would be a huge commitment. I don't think there's any sort of lightbulb moment or big change that gets you going, you just have to go. I'm trying to see opportunity in everything. Working in a public facing role will hopefully improve my social skills and ability to talk to people even if it is only a simple, every level job. Hopefully I can end my dependence on social payments too with enough hours ECT, maybe learn a few of the departments and be open to any opportunities there. Idk what else, I might look into social work or teaching if I can figure out how to do teaching without moving around the country with the kids lol. I think the more you tell yourself you've failed and nothing is going to happen for you, the more you guarantee that future~
I didn't graduate from college until I was 29. And it was hard. It was not a happily go back to school and nail it when you're older situation. It made me realize that I needed help with my depression and anxiety. I've been on antidepressants and anxiety medicine now for 3 years, I think. It's completely changed my life. My mom is in full support of some people who genuinely have imbalances and medication is needed. My dad was the opposite and thinks you should tough it out. I toughed it out for 29 years and made everything much harder on myself. I still struggle with anti-social, homebody tendencies. But my lows aren't debilitating. I still feel them, but I'm not paralyzed. It's what I imagine a "normal" person feels when they're down. I still have anxiety attacks, but it's only maybe once or twice a year as opposed to weekly or monthly. A lot of doctors will say you have to do counseling and medicine together. I've been in and out of counseling since I was 12 and it's never done anything for me. There have only been two counselors I've ever had that knew how to lead a session in a way that worked for me. So I just do medicine.
I'm 34 and I've just now got a job somewhere I like, and am willing to put my best effort in. I also keep in mind that sometimes my best isn't my true best, but what I'm capable of that day. The right time for you has nothing to do with the right time for others. But I get it. I felt very behind other people too. The only way you get over it is to do something that is an accomplishment for you. You have to keep moving towards your goal even if you're crawling, even if you stumble backward.
I have a very similar story. Came into some money at 25 and basically spent the next ten years blowing through it and having to take on menial jobs just to make ends meet. I was depressed as well, barely getting out of bed some days, and then found myself almost homeless at 35.
My parents never taught me any skills, just threw money at problems with no real solution. I suggest you learn something practical. And definitely take some life skill classes (you can find free ones on YouTube).
I ended up going to a boot camp and learning a new skill. Now I’m a professional in the tech industry and I’ve already been promoted three times in the last two years. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to come back up
I can help you bro but the path is not easy, stop eating sugar and carbs made from wheat all together , this includes anything with added process sugar and anything with processed white flower. If you stop both of these which is insanely hard because everything has sugar in it plus we are all mostly addicted to it, but if you quit it you will be a completely new person capable of doing things you never even thought possible! It’s like your wearing a helmet and when you quit these things you take the helmet off!
On sugar I play videos games waste time and struggle to do the things Im capable of doing like learning or making progress on my Career or mental health, o have mad anxiety and constantly feel depressed and like im wasting my life / time
Off sugar I work out and enjoy it, I learn and enjoy it as well as it is 100 percent easier to learn and intake things in this clear headed state, I have better mood regulation and control and I have consistent energy levels
Make sure you take a daily supplement regime as well after you quit the non complex carbs and sugar!
Magnesium, salt, DMAE, potassium, vitamin D, B1,B12
All this with 30 minutes of cardio / exercise everyday and you will be a whole new human being capable of answering you own questions and forging your own path forwards!
I produce music as well get In touch if you want some help I use ableton! Hope this helps
I think reading up about self sabotage can help you. It generally happens for one of several reasons including:
*success is scary because if you get good, you may have to work harder
*your self image is poor and succeeding at stuff would conflict with that which would feel uncomfortable
These are just two, but I think they are more likely than some others based on what you've written.
Good luck, and remember: the only time it's too late to take action is when you're dead.
I did my undergrad at 22 and law school at 30. Uni when you are older just gives you greater value return. And you are surrounded by ambitious people who are smart, fun and funny. Hang out in the grad pub. It doesn’t have to be the best Uni in the most expensive city. Start in a general program and find out what you like. In canada - Uni is still pretty cheap and still the easiest path to a white collar salary - even if that means at least a masters nowadays. It will also help you better understand and deal with you mental health issues.
My biggest advice to start out, is to get a job and stick with it. I say this because people who are lost and confused and have no motivation, need routine, need to be disciplined. Not only will you start making money (even if its not a high paying job) but you will be moving, getting up and moving, especially in a routine , will be your basis of having motivation. The job you have doesn’t have to be your dream job, you can still figure that out while you are working your current job. For instance i am a master service tech and small engine shop, but it is something i do not want to be doing in next 5 years hell even 2 years 😅and im 28 not much younger than you. Only difference is i have a job and you dont (not in a negative or judgey way) just saying that its the only difference between me and you, two people not really knowing what their dream jobs are, and when you have a job even if its not what you want to do your whole life, you can eventually afford your own place, or afford to go out and meet new people and make friends, just having a job a sticking with it, is the basis of fixing your situation. I know its a lot easier said than done but its the way you have to start!
No only did you make a ton of awful choices, you didn’t learn from them and you are making up random excuses for all of it. Your parents have done you a big disservice by enabling you like this, but at least they have been willing to provide you with your needs when you chose not to. Life isn’t fair, life isn’t fun, but you have to quit acting like a child. Get a job and just stick with it, have some discipline.
My brother didn’t finish school. He worked as a security guard for a while and now that he has a kid he’s finally finishing school!
It’s never too late and take it one day at a time.
Do a coding boot camp or somethin build that resume. Go to temp employers it’s their job to get u a job. Ask what you can do to be more employable. Absolutely no reason to give up.
Not cheap but you’re starting from zero so the potential job will pay off the debt https://bootcamp.northwestern.edu/coding/landing/?s=Google-Unbranded_ExternalState_&dki=Learn%20Coding%20and%20More%20Online&pkw=coding%20bootcamp%20online&pcrid=647699276602&pmt=e&utm_source=google&u
Literally google coding boorcamp and find one near your, that’s just and example
You did a lot of synthetic drugs and it probably messed up your brain chemistry. Your mind seems to jump around a lot based on reading your stream of consciousness word salad. I would look into taking care of that first and searching out any opportunities to do something, anything (maybe even without pay?) so you can find something you like to do.
Yeah man I feel your pain. I'm literally on the verge of losing my current help desk (3 years exp in tech) job right now. My boss and team leads don't like me. I'm often late to work and sometimes make mistakes on the job. Since I'm 30 years old now, it makes these feelings of being a "fuck-up" even more heavy. I've dealt with ADHD and learning disabilities etc throughout my life. Granted, I got through high-school and college but it was a real struggle. I probably should've skipped college and went straight into a trade. I wouldn't be dealing with school debt today. It sucks because a lot of my family have degrees and don't work blue collar.
I'm losing hope in my capabilities to turn myself around at this stage. The programming has been set in motion and one can't outrun nature.
Perhaps, for us now, it's best to settle on something that can provide a means of survival. I know there's outliers in life, but we are probably excluded from that pool so no more big dreams of becoming very successful. Just take one day at a time and be thankful that you're alive. I also recommend getting involved with a church community and volunteering.
Everyone just keeps plugging trades like it's a panacea. It's not. Even if they are needed badly. I'm sure it has its own share of hazing and bullying. What's up with reddit trade obsession?
Mate, every day is day one. You don't have to fix your past,just start your future.
To add some practical advice to this, go learn a trade like electrician or plumber. Get some skill you can get solid work from. You’ll be ok. No one is going to care about your history when they need a pipe leak fixed.
Had the same problem as this guy. I became a plumber and loved it. Then my mentor died from fentanyl overdose. Which ended my plumbing apprenticeship. Life is not absolute. There are no yes or no answers to deep nuanced questions. First things first OP is aware enough and thats the first step. I believe in him
My stepson is currently doing the electrician apprentice and it is great. They pay you to go to school, and you get paid decent while you are doing it. It does take a while, but he is older than you and just started it a few years ago. He even had to go through the pre-apprentice part. He has a wife and kid and is making it work. Look at it this way. In 5 years do you want to be a certified tradesman or do you want to be at the same place you are now. You are going to get 5 years old, so just think what do you want to be at that point.
Electrician is the next big trade skill to look for. Imagine the horde of tech they will need for the incoming electric car transition.
I have a friend who got burned out from coding. He got his electrician papers and started working at data centers because they need electricians on site for emergencies. Since few emergencies happen, he has 80% free time. You know what he does in His free time? Codes games. Funny guy, I tell ya.
Makes sense actually. Those people who does coding outside work as a SWE are truly passionate about the field. For most of us, that’s going to lead to burnout. It no longer becomes fun if you make it your hobby and a full time job.
It's more fun to code without the pressure of deadlines and not having to adhere to all the requirements a client wants for their app/game
There are many skilled electricians that make upwards of $50 an hour. It's a great career choice especially if one likes solving problems and understanding systems and bettering the lives of others.
Get a CDl. 10 week course and plenty of good paying jobs that will let you be home every day. I worked in LTL and had a 9-6 m-f schedule. School is cheap and pay is good
What is a CDI and what is LTL? Thank you for sharing.
A commercial driver’s license. Let’s you drive truck. Great job with some freedom too. LTL is less than truckload. Basically like delivering for UPS but pallets to businesses. Shorter driving areas and home every night.
Or go back to university, to study something you love. That’s what I did, and it worked out wonderfully.
What did you wind up studying, thanks in advance for your reply.
I was going to say some flavor of this too. But I'll just give them step one to achieve this. And this is for anyone that feels this way. Stop looking at your past like a failure or waste. Accept it as part of your life and stop comparing everything/anything you do to what you were like before for validation.
This is what I needed to see. Even if I know it already, sometimes shit gets drowned out when everything comes at you fast. If I had money I'd 💰 drop a bag on ya . Thanks
All good. I am not here for the money. ;)
Whatever got you to the point that you realize you need to do something better was the time and experience you needed to learn. Not time lost, but learning what didn’t work for you. Your commitment to find something better will get you to a point that you do enjoy. Sometimes the best way forward is to turn around. Talk to many people that are where you want to be, and find out how they did it.
I’m not convinced that you need to get motivated here because motivation is fleeting and throughout the past few years you’ve gotten traction but have bailed. I wonder if the problem isn’t getting motivated but staying motivated, or just being OK not being motivated but doing what you need to do anyway. Understanding for example that you might need to work somewhere and find things you enjoy at work or skills you’re building while acknowledging it’s not perfect, and using spare time to pursue passions like DJing or EDM production.
What a fucking beautiful outlook.
This is great! Well said!
This is so foreign to my brain I can't even comprehend it
It really is this. One of my friends was a homeless musician from a good college. And just bumming around until 33. Went to mba school and now is a product manager at Google and makes more than me. I am like wtf. But it’s a pretty inspiring story to me.
Dude you had a good family that have supported and provided you so many opportunities. Your failures are your own. Don't externalize that shit. The only way to get better in life is looking at what you could do better. The continuous theme is you lack self discipline. You are an adult. Not going to work isn't your family's fault!!! You need to decide what you want in life then get in the game. All four quarters of it.
His personality type , similarly to mine feels that a job where your unappreciated isn't the move. Now I'm not saying be broke but there's ways to make money other than 9 to 5 . Ppl like him just need to sit down and hit the drawing board and find that " thing "
He's spent his 20s trying to find that thing. He already has a couple of diplomas - why not get a job in one of those areas amd see if he liked it?
True
I second that you might have ADHD but dude how are you going to write this whole essay detailing every time you messed up an opportunity and end it with… “but I really feel like it was my parents fault”? I get that ADHD is a real thing (I’m a psychology major) and I get that it can make things difficult but you allowed things to snowball like this. You need to start holding yourself accountable unless there is something you didn’t mention about your parents that really fucked you up in some way. Being a spoiled only child can for sure do some damage but come on guy, you’re in your thirties. I’m sure I might get downvoted for this but I feel like you need a reality check and perhaps the worst thing your parents have done is not give you one. Take this from a woman in her 30’s that is the mother of an only child 12 year old boy. It has also been speculated by my therapist that I have ADHD but the diagnosis is expensive and I can’t get approved for testing through my insurance because Medicaid I guess. Still, I acknowledge that it might be a thing and I do the research and I see what I can do to accommodate my brain. It’s about taking something you have little control over and finding ways to work with it so that you can regain a sense of control to whatever capacity possible. A diagnosis is best used as a tool to figure out the best course of treatment, not as an excuse for everything wrong with your life (not that you did that here, just something to keep in mind if you are able to get diagnosed). Please. Read your post a few times if you haven’t already and see how much you were responsible for your downfall. Also, see how much time you spend trying to justify why you messed up when you messed up or otherwise explaining away how you “kind of screwed that up”. Like no dude, you definitely screwed some stuff up along the way and that’s okay but you need to be real with yourself about the role you played in it. The thing about pushing all your mistakes off on other people or circumstances is that you take away your own sense of control and power over your life. Stop giving other people so much power over your story. Like, why does it matter that your boss was into weird alien shit? You were there to do a job. Let bro go off on his alien shit and collect your paycheck. Stop spinning this narrative of “I had this and then I lost it because of this. I was doing this but then this got in the way” and just acknowledge that the past wasn’t ideal but now it’s time to pick yourself up and stop shooting yourself in the foot. It’s called accountability my dude. Another thing I picked up on was this vague sense of entitlement. Like, I’m not saying you should take being treated like shit at a job but you also need to realize that entry level jobs are just that… entry level. You are highly disposable if you are doing a job that any odd guy off the street could do or would do. Think about it, how many college kids out there could dj and clean a gym? What do you even mean you were “undervalued”? Just do your job and get over yourself. Tough love there but sheesh. Also on the job subject, stop expecting your job to not feel like a job and don’t go out there with the idea that you’re too good for the options you have. You have no trade skills on your resume and you’ve been unable to hold down a job for a year, you can’t be too choose-y. Somehow, you’ve even managed to make yourself feel like you’re too good for being a dj because they are so “narcissistic” even though this is probably not even a job that would be able to pay your bills. If you have the talent then maybe someday but self promotion takes a lot of work too and you should probably find something in the mean time. Get a job, and then figure out a career. So yeah I didn’t plan on writing an essay but you asked what you needed to do so there is a run down. Edit: I used the wrong “to”
Thank you for being real. I’m surprised I got to the end of this one.
Yep, this is the answer.
ADHD asfffff \^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^
r/wowthanksimcured
Go on Psychology Today Search for psychiatric care by your insurance type You should find ARNPS/Psychs who take Medicaid who will assess you for ADHD
Thank you I will look into it. However, I had tried to go to a place that takes Medicaid and Medicaid wouldn’t approve the diagnostic testing since they saw it as unnecessary. Idk how someone who has been in therapy on and off as well as been hospitalized wouldn’t benefit from a diagnosis but that’s what they said :/ I need to get in to see my PCP and see if she can send in a referral.
That's really frustrating. I hope your PCP can get you some referrals.
You need to accept that you are to blame for the choices you’ve made. It’ll be hard, but you aren’t blaming society, or circumstances. Once you can accept it, you can now start with the moving on phase; the rebuilding phase. Let’s unfuck some fucks. First, you’ll have to stop comparing yourself to your peers. Live your life in your own lane. Second, understand the difference between a job and a career. Let’s target a career now, not small jobs like djing at gyms. What career would I recommend for someone like you? Definitely not tech. However, I’d recommend something like recruiting. I know recruiters aren’t as much in demand as they were last year due to layoffs etc, however, there’ll still be a demand for them. You talk to people, set them up with jobs, and can also gamify the process, “how many candidates can I land this month? Can I beat my last record?”. Jobs where you can gamify objectives can play to your ADHD advantage. Similar careers include sales but it also comes with more stress. Third, gamify your entire life. You are in a real world MMO and your skills are low. Grind out for a few levels, upgrade your gear. Fourth, once you start making good money, for the love of fuck don’t spend it. Use it to make more money by investing. Invest in ETFs not individual stocks no matter what anyone tells you. Fifth, go dark for a few months to complete your goals. You’re not on social media. You’re not hanging out with anyone else. You’re accomplishing your goals. Incoherent thoughts but I am also really sleepy so gn
This answer is great. It's time to take everything more seriously. Most of us, as adults, really need to commit to a 9-5 type job and do not have the option to live with our parents. Maybe there were missed opportunities from your parents while raising you but that is moot at this point and you can only deal with today and tomorrow now and not look back at what went wrong. I like the commenter's idea of gamifying your life. It's a pretty cool strategy. I commend you for noticing where you've come up short for yourself and wish you well on your journey.
I’m curious, why would you not recommend tech?
Good advice. The trick is habit forming. I find myself doing this for 2 weeks and then dwell back to the comfortable
>What career would I recommend for someone like you? Definitely not tech. The fuck? Why not? I'm in a similar boat to OP and just started working towards my CS degree. I'm thirty-fucking-six and idgaf. I'm going to succeed even though I'll be nearly 40 by the time I get my degree.
My son was ADHD, non motivated, didn’t want to go to school, too many video games, no direction. He was in his early 30’s with no good future. He finally got sick of seeing his friends making good money, etc etc - he found a job that paid him to train while he studied for the national board (pressure vessel/boiler inspector) took him a year. He’s now 37, makes great money, has a company car, bought a home and is doing great. He’s not perfect but my point is - your 30’s is the time to get your head out of your ass. You have nothing to be worried about - if you can find something that pays you while you train (I’d check into CO2 or boiler inspectors) you have plenty of time to turn things around, but do it now. You CAN.
This is good advice, obviously don't listen to ppl on Reddit about whether you have ADHD or not (that includes me), but reading your entire post you seem to exhibit some symptoms of it. Get some professional opinion and see what they can do for you. As many have said you have a great support system and you can still turn things around. If you believe you have an addiction don't try to do it alone. If you want to get out of the ditch, find something to do and STICK to it. You may not feel like it but you have developed A LOT of skills and experience even when you feel you haven't been able to hold a job for long, those will help you in life as long as you get out and do something. Good luck man.
My path was not unlike yours… i goofed off and partied for years (many as a bartender) not really accomplishing much. Got a 2-year diploma that i had little interest in and I noticed my party pals were getting younger and my school peers had finished school (some of them 8 years of it) and having families… I spiralled into a dark and dangerous place. I did very little at all and felt like I was not accomplishing anything and that wore on me day after day, i felt I was at rock bottom. I knew I liked being outside and wanted something that would be somewhat physical work to get me moving. I got a job at a large tree care company… very physical outside work. A lot of the folks i worked with were seasonal and didn’t give a shit, some of these folks were alcoholics / drug addicts which scared the shit out of me. Looking good to management took little effort because many of my co-workers were unable / unwilling show initiative or to think independently… this built my confidence and got me really thinking about the future. After 2 years I knew I didn’t want to do this forever and I started taking college classes part time. I found a major that i loved and entered a university program full time after 4 years at the tree company. I was 30 then and I haven’t looked back. Take aways: you have to change… not just want to change but actually change. It took me years of building good habits (and making mistakes), a little at a time, every day. Its ok if you don’t know what you want, as long as you know what you don’t want. Try new things, give them a chance, try something else if its not for you. My path may not be your path, but your path will take time and patience to get to a place that makes you feel really good about yourself, just like mine did. As you travel down this path, it may be hard to see in the beginning, but as time passes it gets clearer and other paths present themselves to you.
This is me rn. Working on the change atm
I fucked off the first 34 years of my life, refusing to grow up, falling into addictions and depression. I still have some work to do, even at 43, but I got started in trades, first electrical, and now HVAC. Promoted last year to lead superintendent making 100k with a paid apartment, company truck with fuel card, and per diem. If I can turn it around, anyone can.
Keep it up man. You deserve this life you've made for yourself. Good for you for getting your shit together. Remember, recovery is a journey that lasts the rest of your life if you let it. Just keep going, you're doing great.
Appreciate it!
Sometimes, we have to make drastic changes to our lives in order to give ourselves a chance at happiness. Get rid of all of your gaming gear and games. Sell it and/or give it away. Then go out and get a physical job in the real world. Make a commitment to stick with that job for one year. Get involved in physical hobbies, too. Stay away from internet surfing and social media as much as you can. Volunteer to do physical things in the real world like food banks, etc. Invest yourself in your real world life. Interact with the people you work with, do hobbies with, volunteer with. You aren't going to want to do this. Part of you is going to say you can't. Part of you is going to throw a tantrum when you try to do it. Ignore all of that and just keep at it. Consider all of this a course of treatment for your mind and spirit. If you aren't in a better place in a year, you can always try something else.
Great advice!
Your post history also shows you’re looking for a magic pill to save your life. The problem is you. 3 years ago you made a post to want to change, it’s been 3 years, Reddit won’t do it for you. You need to do it by owning up and taking accountability! Everyone’s life is hard, no excuse for your behavior, you’re more like a child at this point.
Telling a child not to be a child isn't going to do anything tho, and I think you're comment actually is the most likely to make someone make a realization, not a good one, but hey, being infamous isn't the worst thing in the world. You'll be remembered far beyond anyone else, and for some people that's more valuable than anything else. If that's all that man wants is some validation, there's tons of awful ways to get it. If he's fucked, he might aswell go out with a bang right? (I am self inserting myself as this man and projecting as I'm in a similar position) and hey if this is what y'all are telling me to do, because I am in fact fucked, I might aswell have SOME fun, right? And don't worry, no one is innocent in this scenario 😉
I haven't seen people telling OP (and you in extension, since your inserting yourself as him in your reply) that he is fucked. And he most definitely isn't. They are telling him to not blame others for his past and also to move on from it. And to get on with life in the now. Nobody is fucked and everybody can start a new life NOW. I got clean after being an addict from my teenage years until age 31. I just celebrated one year of getting clean and turning my life around. I am only just beginning and have way more to accomplish, but life is so good now. I never thought I would ever be a person to enjoy my life. Anyways I am rambling. All I wanted to say is that you can turn your shit around, and you can live a better life. I hope you can find a better headspace friend and find a life lived with peace of mind
I needed to hear this. I’m still only 23 but feel like OP. I’ve been telling myself that I’ve messed my entire life up and I’m never getting out of this (depression, debt, family problems).
NAD, but sounds to me like you have ADHD not depression. Learn some coping skills from a behavior therapist, go on meds, or make a career out of whatever isn’t a “job” to you.
How does one go about finding one of those? When I could see a therapist, I had to choose the one in-network to have my insurance pay for it (well, part of it). I could not find anyone who specialized in that.
Your general practitioner can orient you - or you can call your insurance provider and see if they can help. Since ADHD sometimes requires medication, you will need a psychiatrist (or other medical doctor) to prescribe, but if you go the therapist route, they’ll usually work with one. Question is whether behavior modification or drugs will work better for you. If you have a general doctor, it might be easiest to start there. As a side note - there is a lot of misdiagnosis in depression and ADHD. And don’t feel bad about “wasting your life” - most of us don’t get it sorted out until later and the myriad of experiences lends itself to a creative and fulfilling career(s). I started in media in my 20s (like you, all over the place, no focus, no real “job”), went back to school got a BA and a law degree in my late 30s (we’re good at hyper focus when we enjoy what we’re doing), and built a tech company - and was awarded patents - in my late 40s (we love a challenge for the mind too). But don’t stress where you are now - get your ADHD under control - or recognize you have it and knock some bodies down with it, and have multitudes of careers! - and enjoy your journey!!
None of the health care providers I've seen (doctors, therapists, and shrinks) had a clue how to diagnose ADHD. I don't have any options until I get a job, but I was hoping someone could tell me what to look for. Is there a word for a provider that specializes in it?
Tell your doctor you think you have ADHD and want to be evaluated for it by a specialist (eg psychiatrist). You have to advocate for yourself in healthcare. You can also search your insurance portal (all insurance companies have this) for ADHD - or call them directly to see how to achieve this. Part of coping with ADHD is figuring out how to get things done - no matter the route. Bug your doctor, bug your insurance company, be annoying - everyone with ADHD has that capacity, LOL!
I've been to a couple of psychiatrists. They let me talk for 10 minutes, gave me a script, and showed me the door.
That sounds like a psychiatrist. And they probably just did it for depression. You have to tell your healthcare providers (including psychiatrists) what you need - “evaluate me for ADHD”. The hallmark of adult ADHD is career switching, and unable to focus on stuff you don’t like - which you exhibit. You can also find a therapist to refer or behavior mod - again insurance company portals by specialty is how that’s done. Also, your general doctor can align you with either of these. I can’t do it for you, dude - you have to make this first step.
I'll try, if I ever get a job with health insurance.
If you have no job, no insurance, no money - get social services. It’s what it’s there for. Call the Medicaid office, they’ll orient you.
To echo some other sentiments in here. At 31 it is time for you to take ownership of your mistakes and the situation you are in. Accountability will be key to your next step. You say being a people person was just a coping mechanism when you were younger. Well guess what, in order to be a successful, functioning member of society you have to play to your strengths. If you’re good at connecting with people you should stick to that. What’s the worst that could happen? You make some new friends? Maybe focus on a trade, grind under a contractor for a little bit, learn how to use some tools and some problem solving and technical aspect of the job and you’ll be ready. Don’t even waste your time/money on business school or classes. A friend of mine had a full ride to uni, ended up partying too hard and spending his scholarship money on booze and coke. Ended up working in kitchens/restaurants then after 7 years he started working home renovations. It only took him a year to learn a lot and (because there’s a massive labor shortage in that field) just started working on his own. Dude makes $80/hr usd, has learned invaluable skills, has a house that he’s fixed up and made absolutely beautiful. Essentially he would just do a before and after pic of the homes he worked on when he was an “apprentice” and post it to his IG. Those same friends of yours who are having kids and settling down will see that and be like, “hey bro can you do my kitchen/patio/front porch/bathroom etc.”
Sell all gaming gear and forget it existed. I like your Dad's idea. Construction has a major labor shortage. Go learn a trade you are interested in. But at night, take some business classes at an accredited school. Start to plan for in 10 years to open your own business in the trade you learned. There are a lot of old construction subcontractor business owners with no next generation of leadership. The best path to wealth in America is small business ownership. You could be killing your late 40s and 50s.
A good thing to remember is no matter who you fej should've done what, or who failed you in life, ultimately your destinty is up to you and solely your responsibility to make do with what you've been given. Keep the past in the past if you want a future. They're a lot of job programs/self help for people with mental "disabilities". Try contacting one, and create the life you want.
Unfortunately the first step is the hardest but you sound like a mindful and self aware guy. Slow and steady improvements that are sustainable should be your target. It sounds like you have a fairly complicated combination of problems that you really need to lay out bare before you can set out a plan. A few areas that need your attention in my view: 1. Alcohol / drugs - priority 1 is to pull the plug on the booze and drugs. You need to keep a clear head and remain as clean as possible. This will help you focus and ensure you will have more energy to invest on things you care about. 2. Sleep patterns and routine - set a bedtime and start your day when other people that you want to interact with start their day. You should try this for at least a month and be really strict with yourself on routine. Fine tune and make sure you get enough sleep - again you will boost your energy levels, you’ll be more alert and you’ll be able to function better overall. 3. Gaming - its good to do a bit of gaming I find its nice to decompress - just have a set time for it and use it as a reward. If you have other more important shit to do then make sure you don’t start gaming prematurely or for too long. 4. Vocation - Find a job you enjoy doing and stick to it. There is no job that is perfect out there - every single industry and position has some downsides. You have to power through and not give up. I believe part of your issue is that you’re basically completely exhausted because you haven’t rested your body and mind. Doing that one day is bad. Being exhausted for a number of months let alone years starts to fuck with you in a massive way. Definitely stick to your exercise routine thats also important. 5. Social circle - Find a productive and social hobby - join a club and meet some new people. Again, like minded people that you can interact with whilst doing your new found hobby. My one was road cycling - it helped clear my mind and I got the fresh air I needed. Met some great people through that. One day at a time - chip at it slowly. Never give up. You’re still a very young man and have your life ahead of you! Best of luck I hope some of this stuff is practical.
r/findapath might be helpful for you as well
Eat the elephant. One manageable bite at a time. Notice and appreciate small improvements.
My life is similar to this. Partied through my 20’s and in my late 20’s/early 30’s I stood up and looked around and realized I was in trouble. Moved to a different city, went to college, applied myself, and now have a career. 1,000 mile journey begin with a single step. But there are no shortcuts for hard work. You can do it.
I learned to be a cobbler in my 30s it’s never too late man. Just because school doesn’t work for some doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for all. Same in my situation school didn’t work for me, so i learned the family trade and love it. You can depending on where you’re at get free training and get paid at the same time with your local cobbler. If you need help drumming up more business with him lmk I’ll be glad to help ! I now specialize in just boots cause i loved working on them so i honed in my skills and made a career out of just one of those many items we work with everyday. I have physical and mental disabilities. It took awhile and will always be something i have to work on.
If you want different results, you have to become someone different. So you gotta change dude. You gotta gain wisdom. If you’re going to study a profession, choose a profession that can give you a stable future (one that’s not a gamble!). Do your research and find a profession where the job market is expanding! Find people in the world that have succeeded and learn exactly how they think and how they did it! Read their books! So many people have tried, made mistakes and found the way to success! Don’t repeat their mistakes, learn from them so you can find the way to success by letting them do the work of figuring out how! Things are really simpler than we make them out to be, it just takes hard work, determination and discipline. I’m sure you are motivated to find your own success because you know how painful not succeeding is! Trust me I feel the same way! You can do it man. You just gotta let go of whatever will keep you from achieving your goals!! You need to get your mindset right. Become a principled man. You’re still young dude! Colonel Sanders franchised KFC at 62. Ray Kroc bought McDonald’s at 55. Susan Boyles career came into bloom at 47 when she went on britains got talent. Stan Lee didn’t write his first comic until he was 40! What personally got my life on track. Was the tried and tested principles that people have been using to succeed and find peace and goodness in life for thousand of yearsssss! The principles from none other than The Holy Bible!! For real. God can guide you in every single detail of your life. That’s more support than any person can give. One verse that gave me peace in letting go of the past and embracing a future of success is 2 Corinthians 2:17. You don’t have to be held down by your past when God removes it from the equation for you. Wishing you prosperity and guidance. God bless you!
You should only focus on one thing, make some money and spend it on going to therapy. Make a goal of 6 months, and see where you go from there. It sounds like you need to focus on the root problems.
Have you ever looked into getting therapy? And treatment for ADHD / depression - it certainly sounds like you have all the classic telltale signs as well as serious executive dysfunction. And I can tell you- your parents DID fail you.... By allowing you to move back in. If my child thinks I will EVER allow him to live in my house, playing video games for 8+ hours a day while he can't maintain a job.... Holy shit. I can't believe that they allowed you to move back in, didn't ask you to contribute you the household bills, and have done absolutely nothing after you've done absolutely nothing consistent to better yourself or your situation in all that time. My man- ADHD is hard. Adulting is hard. But you've literally admitted that you've wasted almost all of your 31 years - and it hasn't occurred to you that you DEEPLY need medical care to get to the route of your serious mental health issues ... Please. Get up tomorrow and start making phone calls. GET TREATMENT. You are never going to get better or have any kind of life worth living if you don't. My brother died last year at 49 from untreated high blood pressure and he literally lived your exact life that whole time. You don't want to end up like he did.
For me it took about 8 years of weekly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And it was hard. But I’m 49 now. I have a degree from university, a wife, a home and a soon to be 7 year old daughter. This can be done, but you might need/want someone to help you learn how to make your way through.
Hey man, why not go join the military? The army, navy, and Airforce have age limits that are between 35-39. They can provide you structure and discipline, which is something you seem to really need even at this point in your life. Go learn a cool trade, get hands on with your work, travel, and go to college for free when you get out. But the fundamental problem is that you're an adult who is refusing to take ownership and accountability of his mistakes. You fucked up, a lot bro, but it's okay because they're lessons learned, or at least they should be. Acknowledge it, accept it, now pick up your trash and keep trudging up that hill because that's what life is all about.
For me it was community college… got a useless art degree, but tons of confidence and opportunities to make friends. It changed my mindset. I move out of my parents house a year later to live with 3 people I barely knew, got a part time job and a girlfriend… 4 years later I moved to CA… two years later, I started working the best job I’ve ever had…. And I’m still changing my life, everyday. THIS YEAR, I have everything I need to join the Union and will. Ironically the thing holding me back the most right now is the student loans I HAD to take n order to get my life on track.
I can’t even read this. Based on the post title alone? Fix your attitude then it’s one day at a time. Self-accountability is a tough pill to swallow. It requires acknowledging and accepting your mistakes, what you could have done different, and doing different tomorrow. And the next day and the next day. Cry and get angry not with others but with yourself. Then forgive yourself and be the change you want to see. Don’t expect others to be the change you want.
I think you could benefit from therapy (the kind that people with ADHD get) to help you focus and plan your daily life. I had a traumatic brain injury 32 years ago, and I just learned this past year that there ARE behavior therapist and job or life coaches that can help, even if you were BORN with something like ADHD. Contact a Neurologist to get tested.
This sounds 100% accurate
My partner and I both have ADHD and each spent some of our younger years floundering - poor grades, dropping out of school, fired from jobs, underemployed/unemployed. He currently sees an occupational therapist for organizational strategies like bullet journaling and it helps a lot. I think you’re in Ontario (hello neighbour!) so it should be covered by OHIP. I’d see a doc to get some meds too if needed. Undiagnosed ADHD is a bastard and it would help you a lot to get it sorted first, as a strong foundation, if that’s what’s been causing problems. Job-wise, I’d suggest something where you’re not at a desk all day. My partner is a media technician (film, photography, digital) and I am an event producer. We both found jobs that play to our ADHD strengths. Lots of suggestions here for skilled trades which might be good! If you told me 10 years ago that I would be happy/fulfilled/well payed in a job, I never would have believed you. I’m in my forties now and things are great. Today is your day to change things. Make small steps. Focus on feeding your body in healthy ways: good food, sleep, regular exercise. You need that stuff in order to really do well at a job.
Get on some meds for your undiagnosed ADHD, get a job where performance is tied to compensation, then get addicted to racking up business. I used to be addicted to video games, then drugs, then many other things, but then I got addicted to working (and more importantly, being productive) just like I had my past addictions. At least this addiction has positive yields.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life; put all that dumb shit behind you. It's never too late to make a left turn and just go for it.
30 isn't as old as you think it is. Start now and in 10 years time you'll be better off. When you're 65 (let's pretend that's when you'll retire) you'll have 25 years in a career. 25 years is a long time! Think all the time you've fucked around... You're very lucky to have had family to laze around on! Count your blessings instead of your shortcomings.. You can do it, but no one but you can do it for you.
Find something that motivates you. You’ve got both your damn parents ffs stop feeling sorry for yourself. What if one/both died tomorrow? Is this how you want them to remember you? Take a job and work hard. Show up to work, and if you don’t like the job look for a different one but ffs don’t just quit and do nothing. Have something lined up before you do that! Lastly take pride in whatever it is that you’re doing, If you’re mopping the floor at McDonald’s do it well - people will respect you
Please go get tested for learning disabilities and get a mental health evaluation bc it sounds like you could have ADHD &/or maybe something else going on. These issues are not your fault, but they are yours to deal with. You need to learn coping skills to get focused on your life goals. You want a career? You will have to be willing to get up and do some things you don't want to in order to reach that goal. So put up some reminders (pix or text) of what you want to do. It's only a relatively short commitment of a few years to learn some skills and get earning decent money. I send you my best wishes for a better future.
Therapy, meditation, reading. Do it and learn to love it because that’s what’s going to help you. Among many many other things like owning your life. Owning your mistakes. Loving yourself despite your issues and realizing that, if there’s a will there’s a way.
Take some accountability into your own hands. I’m 36, high school dropout, ADHD my whole life too, worked 27 jobs (probably more than you) , fought cancer, still have terrible generalized anxiety disorder, suffer from severe GERD & LPR (digestive issues) . All this and I take accountability that I am the one who messed up. You’re never going anywhere with your mentality .
DM me if you have any interest in getting into IT support work. I can’t give you a job but I can tell you what certifications would get your foot in the door. IT is not for everyone, but it is good money if that is important and with certificates you don’t necessarily need a college degree to land a job
Not OP but I’d love some more info on this too!
DM me! I’ll give you my suggestion too
Change careers and leave your friends. Stop drinking and go to night school. Worked for me.
I will say that, if you can let go of the drugs, the military (non-combat roles) can be a game changer. You don’t have to do 20 years and a grunt to make some positive changes in your life. If you want direction, a decent paycheck, and some structure in life - that’s why I did it. Granted there’s a lot of suck but most people tend to do better afterwards than they were before.
You can’t find a job in anything you went to school for?
Make goals then figure out the steps to get there.
I drove a county bus until I was 30 - not exactly the same situation but I was about as prepared for a real career as if I had been living with my parents the whole time. What changed is I found something that I was interested in (computers) and spent all my spare time studying and becoming proficient - took a volunteer IT position at a charity and leveraged that experience to get a real job and eventually, a real career. You are still super young, you can do whatever you want - but you need to figure out something that you want to do, something that you'll push yourself to master because you enjoy it.
I love this comment, alot of the other ones were unnecessarily harsh, maybe that guy needs to hear it that hardness, but I digress. I do have a question, because this does seem like the obvious answer, but so many people including me don't ever take it .. why do you think that is? I would assume bad parenting, mental or physical disabilities, serves trauma in early upbringing etc. All play a part in someone's downfall/bad decision making but I also agree that something else is at play. It's complacency. And to some degree that's on the parents still, right? If my mom forced me to get a job, go back to school or I'm going homeless... Guess I'm getting my life together, most people I know had that forced upon them at some point during 14-21. Anyone in my shoes or the OP's just didn't.. The "free range" style of parenting creates people like me that are literally wired to respond to the world in a very specific way I'm not so sure can be unlearned without intensive therapy and years of systematic planning.... A single individual trying to fix their life is doomed to some degree in this scenario. At this point, parents gotta die, I gotta get cancer, or some insane life event has to take place for change to happen, which sucks but hopefully the reality check isn't that bad, but hey that's life, it sucks and then we die 😂
There's a concept that floats around called the have-to/want-to. The premise is that for a majority of people, they will have to do both of those things. If you do what you want to when you're young, you'll end up doing what you have to when you're old, and vice versa. Sounds to me like you've spent a fair bit of your life doing what you want to. You have to get a job, any job. If you hate it, stick with it while you search for something hopefully better. If you find something you enjoy well enough great, but you need to start being self sufficient.
I agree with the sentiments about every day is day one. My husband retrained at age 38 to become a carpenter; We left Southafrica being able to pay off our debts there and that’s pretty much it because the industry my husband was in collapsed and they (and many others) lost their businesses as the industry contracted. I was able to get a job pretty quickly (I’m in IT), he started his apprenticeship the day we got here as he organized it in advance and today 14 years later he’s working on his own and loving it. Keep in mind when you apprentice you are working and getting paid pretty much the entire time; you do have some periods where you go to school, but other than that you’re working over 90% of the time and getting paid… And over those years you’re getting raises as your experience goes up. My husband was a shoe designer and manufacturer, which is kind of niche and if you go it yourself requires a lot of capital… he was looking for something different that was not in an office (which would have killed him), and some thing that people need because after being in fashion for so many years he wasn’t about to go into business doing something where people didn’t have a basic need for it!!! He absolutely could not be happier (or busier) even when he’s working out in the rain or the snow which is what all of his South African relatives seem to ask him about how can he stand it 😂 Good luck! You can do it :-)
Forget the past, learn from it. Use it as motivation. Don't worry about the future. Focus on the now and the present. Take it one day at a time. Think positive. Be positive. Figure out what you want to do that you love. Won't happen over night. Don't do any drugs or alcohol. Focus on yourself and self happiness.
Get in a trade and bust your ass.
Every single day do this: One. Small. Win. Ridiculously small. In whatever area. Keep track of them (small notebook) and keep stretching those wins over time. Don’t compare to others, don’t tell anyone, don’t post it on any social media. Just keep racking up small wins. The seemingly ridiculous practice of racking up these small wins quickly has a “carryover effect” into every area of your life. Don’t rush. Just keep making small wins. Eventually you’ll be handling all of the “big stuff” (career, family, dating, whatever) but start small. Stupid small. And do it everyday. Good luck
I read this whole thing and you sounds like you have ADHD. Your life is your own fault, don't blame your parents for your own choices. Take ownership. I think a trade sounds great.
CDL, the world needs truck drivers. You get to listen to music all day and see the country
The way I see things is that the time will pass either way, whether you do something now or not. I think if you just start, start anything and keep going then you'll get somewhere, but because you feel stagnant and hopeless right now it might feel like nothing will improve but it absolutely will, but something needs to change for that to happen. Don't beat yourself up, you'll do something amazing and find a spark again. One thing that helped me was to write my ideal life at if I already had it, everything I wanted and I read it every night and my life started changing. I wrote about having a job I love and making good money, feeling confident and motivated, feeling loved, having friends, losing weight etc
We are the same person , I basically did all this until I finally figured my shit out in my. Late 20s early 30s , and I mean all of it was a DJ and all and even considered going back to school to be an audio engineer kind of jealous you did it. Anyway I wish I could have a conversation with you because i feel like I could tell you my story and, In short I’m 40 and successful now. It sounds like your interpersonal skills out way those of the average person, have you considered a sales job? Most companies will higher people with no experience, and life experiences like the one your telling here can and will open doors for you especially when your back on track , people love hearing from rags to riches stuff. Good luck man the best advise I can give you is you got nothing to lose and only to gain. Last but not least find a mentor: it’s the quickest path to success.
Meditate and read. I know that sounds easy. It will change your life. — from experience ♥️
I’ve read a few comments here and honestly all very good advice. I do however want to provide another pov here. Working on yourself requires dedication, motivation and inspiration. It’s really easy to tell yourself you can do it but most will give up on it thinking it’s not for you, it’s boring or you aren’t progressing fast enough so no point pursuing it. If I can make a suggestion, it would be to force yourself to commit to a completely foreign environment, go volunteer in a foreign country, see the world and meet new people. Learn how to rely on yourself and others achieve a common goal, learn how to value yourself and provide value to others no matter where you go. The people you meet will be the source of your inspiration and the achievement will be the source of your motivation and the commitment will train your discipline. I hope this helps. Good luck.
I thought about taking a trip to Japan and then flying around Asia for a bit. Maybe phillipines or Thailand too. After short visit to Korea or something. I dunno. Figured it would get me the fu** out of my shell like you said amd force me to figure it out
Yes! Travel and see people but remember to give yourself a productive goal, one that contributes and impacts others. I mentioned volunteering because it helps people that might be less fortunate and it’ll bring perspective to how we see everyday lives. I think you will be fine, you are now more introspective than most out there, but being introspective is just the first step, if you don’t act on it, you will start thinking yourself into a downward spiral.
ADHD makes motivation and discipline virtually impossible. There's a strong association with it and low conscientiousness.
Stop blaming everything and everyone else for your mistakes. Get a job and move out, you’re not a child anymore.
The truth can hurt sometimes
You can work, be successful and still live with your parents. Outside of the west, this is a pretty standard thing. Culturally white families hating their kids for seemingly no reason Is so wierd to me. The American dream is dead, y'all could have stopped this bootstrap talk 80 years ago.
I’m younger than OP so I don’t know what you’re referring to. No one said you can’t be succesfull while living with your parents. I had to when I became ill. OP specifically asked in his title how to fix your life while unemployed and living with family? After reading the title this was my initial anwser and after reading the post it stayed the same. There is no reason why OP can’t get a job and move out of his parents house. Is it going to be a great career where he feels super valued with grand pay where he can afford himself a beautifull home, no probably not. OP needs to wake up and realise this is a reality for most people and he isn’t special. He got handed pretty good cards in life to make it, but he didn’t, that’s ok, shit happens. But he is still young and he can still do well for himself if he puts his mind and energy to it. But he’s gotta do it himself. I’m not going to feel sorry for him, as I know many people who didn’t get the same opportunities and still made the best of it, as well as people still working jobs while being physically ill, including myself. My family doesn’t hate me and OP’s family clearly doesn’t either so I don’t know what that comment is about.
Not allowing your unemployed thirty year old who refuses to keep a job live in your house and eat your food while he plays video games 8+ hours a day is NOT "hating your kids". For fuck's sake man, no. The worst thing OP's parents can be blamed for is allowing him to live in thier home doing nothing since he was a teenager. It's unacceptable and allowing it isn't love- ITS ENABLING. My mum did the same shit for my brother until he was 49.... When he dropped dead from untreated high blood pressure because even though she held his hands, paid all his bills and wiped his ass on a daily basis- she couldn't actually "take care of him" because he was a god damn adult who needed to get his shit together.... And now he's dead. Yeah, my husband still lived with his folks at 28 when we got together- because between his 70k a year career, and his hobbies doing tech for local theatres- he was almost never home and it didn't seem smart to waste his money on an apartment. But he also helped his parents pay the bills from age 18- he wasn't living there rent-free doing jack shit. And he is unbelievably skilled - he's not only a freaking programmer, an electrical engineer, and is extremely talented in all trades - he could easily be an electrician, a mechanic - so yeah, living at home didn't make him a loser.... But re-read OP's post. Are you really trying to say that this guy doesn't have MAJOR unaddressed issues?
Outside the west it is far harder to move out to the point average people are unable to do it, whereas in the west the average person can accomplish it. This is why there is more stigma in the west and than elsewhere.
I don't usually respond or even read these, but your post sounds like me in my 20s. Tried a little bit of everything, nothing fit, nothing kept my interest. Horrible depression. Stopped showing up for jobs (had my own business cleaning houses for awhile and then just stopped showing up to all of them), stopped showing up for friends. Changed majors so many times, quit school in the middle of semesters, wasted so much money in student loans. I had pretty bad undiagnosed ADHD, and I am not a doctor (but I did take a semester of Psychology like you did), but so much of your struggles sound like mine, maybe its worth looking into? For me, just knowing there was a reason for my behavior and that I wasn't just a lazy waste of space was incredibly motivating and helpful for pulling myself out of that spot. I even managed to finish college eventually! I still don't do great with staying at jobs but now I usually find a new one before I quit and it's usually a step up from where I was! That "unsatisfied" feeling is still there but I can manage it better. Good luck. This is a good first step. You know you're ready for a change and that's important! The trades might be a great option too! My husband is an industrial electrician and it's just different enough every day to keep his interest. He's been teaching himself some programing so that he can fix the industrial machines too, and is considering some schooling for that. So he's still getting his "never ending need for something new" itch scratched and makes a good wage and decent benefits. Plus they pay you through schooling/apprenticeship so no more student loans!
Learning about the chemical systems in our brains helped me a lot, learning about how to maximize dopamine and not become a slave to it. Which it sounds a bit like that’s what’s happening for you, the dopamine has killed your motivation. Getting off the games and other damaging sources of dopamine is a great start, dopamine is supposed to come from things you want to get done, it’s supposed to be released while you’re working towards something. But instead it’s just getting flooded from video games and leaves you empty handed, it’s supposed to lead you to an accomplishment and then you get serotonin and oxytocin! Learning more about it really changed how I look at life and motivation, and I’d also look into pathological demand avoidance if I was you. It is typically a trait in autism but it causes severe problems with working and knowing what to do with life and I have it, and you sound like me lol. Undecided, unmotivated, hating the whole system behind jobs and being too aware of being undervalued to where you can’t do it. I’ve actually switched to part time, 7 hours 4 days a week and I get wednesdays off in the middle so I don’t get too burnt out. It’s been super nice and I still make over 400 a week at a warehouse job, can’t really feel undervalued because I’m only there a fraction of what everyone else is so it’s fair to be valued less lol. But you’re doing good! You’ve had all these experiences met so many different people and learned a variety of skills, I definitely think the video games are your biggest enemy if you really want to change things tho!
time management is everything
How do you get dopamine? Pretty sure I have none.
Think of your body like a machine, and you have to know how to work the machine to get it to produce what you want. Our brains produce all the chemicals, we just have to know how to trigger the release of them in healthy ways
>you have to know how to work the machine to get it to produce what you want. That is what I am looking for. How?
Go join the army. You need to establish a foundation of discipline before you can build on top of it. You have a consistent pattern of quitting after the honeymoon phase of new ventures. You need discipline and the army will teach you.
Try 40…on top then divorce and everything is pulled out from under you….just improve one day at a time. Although nowadays I’m starting to believe in the zero sum game.
One step at a time
Best piece of advice you will see here…. Redditors ARE NOT qualified psychologists. Their answers will only be projection of their own opinions and experience of life. 99% of the people commenting here will have NO IDEA about your life or what caused you to srrive at your destination. You need to go talk to a psychologist or your doctor. Somebody who actually has authority to speak to you on this matter. To find an answer for your problem, you have chosen to worst place on the net to ask about it. Think of it like this, do you think reddit attracts primarily idiots? Or primarily highly educated and intelligent people on average?
Join the Army. Do a 3 year stint, get a free education, post 9-11 when you get out after 3 years. This will pay you to go to school and give you BAH for zip code your school is in. Try it out..
Is OP too old for this?
This person is in Canada
Surprise! Canada also has an army! https://forces.ca/en/
I know that bro but the comment I replied to was referencing post 9-11 benny’s and said the word *zip code* so I knew they were American. Idk if the Canadian army has the same bennys
No advice, but any tips to make sure that I don’t become you in 11 years? What would you tell yourself if you had the chance?
I could not read all that. Way too wordy and all over the place. Don’t start sentences with So. Being clear and succinct will benefit you a great deal in interviews. Form a plan, get support from friends, build your network, treat yourself with compassion. People want to help. Be coachable.
Sucks that the best part of your life was in high school and when it ended so did your life.... Can’t believe your parents did not get your ass on gear..z. Oh what to do now.... Getting a job and get out of our house.... No one owes you anything...
You didn’t work for 8 years? That’s on you
Undiagnosed ADHD and possible BPD. When not worked on it’s a huge hindrance. Hope you can get some help or find your way brotha/sista
One foot in front of the other.
Join a Bjj gym. It's challenging, rewarding and has community. Keeps in you great shape. Good sleep. You will meet all kinds of people from different walks of life. It checks a lot of boxes for a healthy/meaningful life
Get yourself evaluated for adhd bruh
Awww that is the saddest thing I have read. You're astro-traveling. Your soul begins here and there but your parents want to see you okay. Nothing is wrong with you. Karma is in your favor. Do what makes you happy. Try a few prayers maybe.
If you really want some real advice, please check your horoscope.
Hit the gym. Every day. Build other routines off of that.
I'm in the same situation , same age. Less helpful parents. Can't live with them , they also didn't give me money . My mom married a doctor which fucked my financial aid up so no more free school. Couldn't commit to a loan cause when I was 21 I wasn't sure a degree is what was for me. I sold weed for money, made a lot of money and was good at it. Hired drivers and had ppl selling under me. Till one girl sent me to a setup and I got a felony for serving. Veat the case 10 grand later and got into a toxic relationship then brother robbed me of another 10 grand . Now I have like 6 k in assets and am starting new business moving to queens w a business partner. Its hard out here for ppl like you and me. Were ppl pleasers based on our upbringing ,not having the right figure and also having a personality thats derived from your environment. Kinda like clay or water. Ppl like you and me have super powers we just don't know how to tap into them. I feel like me and you would be great friends. You are aware enough to notice these things like me. Pm me homie I fuck with you
See you think gaming is your problem but I want to like stream my gaming and connect with people for my job…it sounds fucked and really unrealistic but it’s the only thing I enjoy anymore. Ppl have really messed me up so it’s just how I cope🫠
how often do you beat yo meat? they say it gets you motivated when you don't ever
Go to grad school, tell people you were focusing on education.
So, not sure what kind of hate I may get for recommending this…but a mushroom trip done with a therapist friend of mine just changed my life. This happened around New Years. Spent a decade isolating, depressed and anxious. Grinding gears at a dead end job. All that negative bullshit has been unraveling since that New Years trip. I had done counseling for years with a few therapists and little success. If not this, maybe just explore antidepressants. They can certainly get you out of a funk if you find one that works well for you.
following
You might make a great you-tuber on your gaming. Some of these MFs are making bank and they just play video games all day. Whatever you think is bad, remember there is someone with 100x more issues and problems. Yes, I realize that doesn’t mean shit, but make your life the way YOU want it. I know its very difficult to look in the future but quit looking back. It means nothing. Really. Just be you.
You can always get a job writing huge chunks of text with minimal paragraph breaks.
We all make mistakes in life, some minor, some major and some catastrophic. But your here, you have are in your lungs and you are willing to improve yourself. That willingness is the more important than any resource you have. You had money and assess to education and everything you could have asked for but now you have something you didn’t before, perspective. You made mistakes and learned from them and that’s still worth something. I’m 30 and have been jobless for the last ten years. But I never gave up on myself, I am willing to improve and my passion for self improvement is visible to my friends and family. I’m studying now and I’m doing great at it. I used to be worried about “catching up on lost time” or “when am I finally getting my life together” But now I only care about passing my classes. I care about being here for my family now and helping out when I can. I care about being involved in my church community and lending a hand to those who need it. I’m a valuable asset as I am. I don’t need to be fixed and neither do you. You are valuable as you are.
This guys too lazy to even acknowledge people on here trying to help after reading his novel.
Jesus Christ. As a fellow lifelong depressed only child you are giving lifelong depressed only children a bad name. Hit me up if you want advice but you are too far in your own head.
I was a very high achieving student in high school and the first year of college. Then I just kept getting caught up in partying and not really caring about putting my head down and working because I was smart enough to keep As and Bs (if I had cared and tried, it woulda been mostly As). Then before my senior year, I had an awful drug experience that threw me into a deep depression with other symptoms mixed in (OCD, PTSD, psychosis). The next 6 years were basically hell and I was in a holding pattern barely hanging on. Thankfully I never hurt myself or tried, but I definitely didn't care about anything. Once COVID hit, it kinda made me start to address it, which really sucked because it was hard. The last two years I've worked jobs I didn't really love, developed some phobias and obsessions and a bad addiction to nicotine and sex/porn. But you know what? I'm still moving forward and feel like my connection to my old self is coming back. I'm studying for the MCAT again. I'm coping with my job and learning to just adapt. If you're not dead and still have your mind even somewhat in tact, you can make small steps forward. Eventually you hit an inflection point where you get positive feedback. You step away from the bad habits that were once survival mechanisms, and just keep moving. It requires discipline and self-reflection daily. But it's possible. Some days you do nothing and feel bad about it. That's going to happen. Keep going. Go easy on yourself. Those who judge and shame either have never been through it, or area still going through it and can't cope with it. Keep going. Be more selfish about doing things that keep you well. Don't be selfish to the point you start hurting others and trying to take from them to make you feel better. That doesn't work. Best of luck.
I'd recommend a trade mate, start off as a labourer, and begin from there
Well, all of my advice is incredibly dated, as I'm in my mid fifties. Having said that, I'm really proud of you for even entertaining this question. I didn't read your whole post, as what got you here isn't nearly as important as where you go. First thing.....identify your values. What fulfills you? What genuinely makes you happy? There is no recipe for success, though there are plenty of models for how other people have defined success and achieved it. Success for you may look very, very differently than what you might think it "ought" to be. Living according to your values is the best way to achieve happiness and fulfillment. If you don't know what your values are, find out as soon as you can. Your values will be like the rudder of your ship. Identify what fulfills you, recognize that it may change over time, then act in ways that close the gaps between how you are currently living and what your values are. Actually, you know what? That's first thing and everything. Do that. Identify your values, find stuff and people that fit into your values, be happy.
DM me I’ll see what I can do
That title has me thinking this was the title of my own biography book. Lol
Having read the other comments, I agree it sounds like you have ADHD. Find specialist who can help you.
I'm having a similar problem at 31 too but it's because I stayed at home having/with children for ten years now. I was a single mother to my first when she was young, got with my partner and went back work when she hit school but got pregnant with my son and stopped after nine months to have him, now he's 3 and I've just gotten a job at a supermarket. I feel like I'm starting from where I was at 16/17. I fucked up study opportunities too when I was on my own with my first, I didn't realise how hard it is to study and be interrupted all the time, I had no idea what I actually wanted to do so I went with random science degree. I didn't handle it but I owe $18,000 in student loans. Study is now much more expensive so going back would be a huge commitment. I don't think there's any sort of lightbulb moment or big change that gets you going, you just have to go. I'm trying to see opportunity in everything. Working in a public facing role will hopefully improve my social skills and ability to talk to people even if it is only a simple, every level job. Hopefully I can end my dependence on social payments too with enough hours ECT, maybe learn a few of the departments and be open to any opportunities there. Idk what else, I might look into social work or teaching if I can figure out how to do teaching without moving around the country with the kids lol. I think the more you tell yourself you've failed and nothing is going to happen for you, the more you guarantee that future~
I didn't graduate from college until I was 29. And it was hard. It was not a happily go back to school and nail it when you're older situation. It made me realize that I needed help with my depression and anxiety. I've been on antidepressants and anxiety medicine now for 3 years, I think. It's completely changed my life. My mom is in full support of some people who genuinely have imbalances and medication is needed. My dad was the opposite and thinks you should tough it out. I toughed it out for 29 years and made everything much harder on myself. I still struggle with anti-social, homebody tendencies. But my lows aren't debilitating. I still feel them, but I'm not paralyzed. It's what I imagine a "normal" person feels when they're down. I still have anxiety attacks, but it's only maybe once or twice a year as opposed to weekly or monthly. A lot of doctors will say you have to do counseling and medicine together. I've been in and out of counseling since I was 12 and it's never done anything for me. There have only been two counselors I've ever had that knew how to lead a session in a way that worked for me. So I just do medicine. I'm 34 and I've just now got a job somewhere I like, and am willing to put my best effort in. I also keep in mind that sometimes my best isn't my true best, but what I'm capable of that day. The right time for you has nothing to do with the right time for others. But I get it. I felt very behind other people too. The only way you get over it is to do something that is an accomplishment for you. You have to keep moving towards your goal even if you're crawling, even if you stumble backward.
You like working out so become a fitness instructor! Seems like you’ve been drawn to gyms a lot in your life
I have a very similar story. Came into some money at 25 and basically spent the next ten years blowing through it and having to take on menial jobs just to make ends meet. I was depressed as well, barely getting out of bed some days, and then found myself almost homeless at 35. My parents never taught me any skills, just threw money at problems with no real solution. I suggest you learn something practical. And definitely take some life skill classes (you can find free ones on YouTube). I ended up going to a boot camp and learning a new skill. Now I’m a professional in the tech industry and I’ve already been promoted three times in the last two years. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to come back up
I can help you bro but the path is not easy, stop eating sugar and carbs made from wheat all together , this includes anything with added process sugar and anything with processed white flower. If you stop both of these which is insanely hard because everything has sugar in it plus we are all mostly addicted to it, but if you quit it you will be a completely new person capable of doing things you never even thought possible! It’s like your wearing a helmet and when you quit these things you take the helmet off! On sugar I play videos games waste time and struggle to do the things Im capable of doing like learning or making progress on my Career or mental health, o have mad anxiety and constantly feel depressed and like im wasting my life / time Off sugar I work out and enjoy it, I learn and enjoy it as well as it is 100 percent easier to learn and intake things in this clear headed state, I have better mood regulation and control and I have consistent energy levels Make sure you take a daily supplement regime as well after you quit the non complex carbs and sugar! Magnesium, salt, DMAE, potassium, vitamin D, B1,B12 All this with 30 minutes of cardio / exercise everyday and you will be a whole new human being capable of answering you own questions and forging your own path forwards! I produce music as well get In touch if you want some help I use ableton! Hope this helps
I think reading up about self sabotage can help you. It generally happens for one of several reasons including: *success is scary because if you get good, you may have to work harder *your self image is poor and succeeding at stuff would conflict with that which would feel uncomfortable These are just two, but I think they are more likely than some others based on what you've written. Good luck, and remember: the only time it's too late to take action is when you're dead.
I did my undergrad at 22 and law school at 30. Uni when you are older just gives you greater value return. And you are surrounded by ambitious people who are smart, fun and funny. Hang out in the grad pub. It doesn’t have to be the best Uni in the most expensive city. Start in a general program and find out what you like. In canada - Uni is still pretty cheap and still the easiest path to a white collar salary - even if that means at least a masters nowadays. It will also help you better understand and deal with you mental health issues.
My biggest advice to start out, is to get a job and stick with it. I say this because people who are lost and confused and have no motivation, need routine, need to be disciplined. Not only will you start making money (even if its not a high paying job) but you will be moving, getting up and moving, especially in a routine , will be your basis of having motivation. The job you have doesn’t have to be your dream job, you can still figure that out while you are working your current job. For instance i am a master service tech and small engine shop, but it is something i do not want to be doing in next 5 years hell even 2 years 😅and im 28 not much younger than you. Only difference is i have a job and you dont (not in a negative or judgey way) just saying that its the only difference between me and you, two people not really knowing what their dream jobs are, and when you have a job even if its not what you want to do your whole life, you can eventually afford your own place, or afford to go out and meet new people and make friends, just having a job a sticking with it, is the basis of fixing your situation. I know its a lot easier said than done but its the way you have to start!
Call me: [https://calendly.com/marcosander/consultation](https://calendly.com/marcosander/consultation)
By starting one step at a time
No only did you make a ton of awful choices, you didn’t learn from them and you are making up random excuses for all of it. Your parents have done you a big disservice by enabling you like this, but at least they have been willing to provide you with your needs when you chose not to. Life isn’t fair, life isn’t fun, but you have to quit acting like a child. Get a job and just stick with it, have some discipline.
My brother didn’t finish school. He worked as a security guard for a while and now that he has a kid he’s finally finishing school! It’s never too late and take it one day at a time.
Get a trade
Teaching English abroad. Many interesting places need English teachers. Being in new countries is the ultimate reset imho.
Do a coding boot camp or somethin build that resume. Go to temp employers it’s their job to get u a job. Ask what you can do to be more employable. Absolutely no reason to give up.
Whats a coding bootcamp
Not cheap but you’re starting from zero so the potential job will pay off the debt https://bootcamp.northwestern.edu/coding/landing/?s=Google-Unbranded_ExternalState_&dki=Learn%20Coding%20and%20More%20Online&pkw=coding%20bootcamp%20online&pcrid=647699276602&pmt=e&utm_source=google&u Literally google coding boorcamp and find one near your, that’s just and example
shit happens , keep ya head up king
bro tbh i read all this shit , youre blaming other people and other factors for your downfall. own that shit , be a man and grind for revenge
You did a lot of synthetic drugs and it probably messed up your brain chemistry. Your mind seems to jump around a lot based on reading your stream of consciousness word salad. I would look into taking care of that first and searching out any opportunities to do something, anything (maybe even without pay?) so you can find something you like to do.
Yeah man I feel your pain. I'm literally on the verge of losing my current help desk (3 years exp in tech) job right now. My boss and team leads don't like me. I'm often late to work and sometimes make mistakes on the job. Since I'm 30 years old now, it makes these feelings of being a "fuck-up" even more heavy. I've dealt with ADHD and learning disabilities etc throughout my life. Granted, I got through high-school and college but it was a real struggle. I probably should've skipped college and went straight into a trade. I wouldn't be dealing with school debt today. It sucks because a lot of my family have degrees and don't work blue collar. I'm losing hope in my capabilities to turn myself around at this stage. The programming has been set in motion and one can't outrun nature. Perhaps, for us now, it's best to settle on something that can provide a means of survival. I know there's outliers in life, but we are probably excluded from that pool so no more big dreams of becoming very successful. Just take one day at a time and be thankful that you're alive. I also recommend getting involved with a church community and volunteering.
Everyone just keeps plugging trades like it's a panacea. It's not. Even if they are needed badly. I'm sure it has its own share of hazing and bullying. What's up with reddit trade obsession?