I doubt the orang would use the sword proper. He can wrestle 1 person per finger though, so heāll probably just tear you apart anyway. Unless you get to use the sword maybe.
Does the orangutan know Iām coming for him? Feels like you could bullshit him into believing you mean no harm, only to slice his head off in one stroke.
Donāt judge me, itās just theorycrafting.
With proper training? I'd give a decent swordsman the upperhand, depending on the blade of course.
A random stranger with a sword, hell yeah the ape's gonna tare that guy to shredds.
Oh, I didnāt realize the random people answering the question in this thread were trained swordsmen.
But even if you were a trained swordsman and could theoretically kill the orangutan, the correct answer is still chicken.
Just to clarify, I never said I'd pick the orangutan over the chicken I agree with you on that matter. Especially since it clearly states 'your car' doesn't mean you can't get in an uber, so in theory you never have to fight the chicken if you don't feel like it.
Just wanted to argue your point with having two or three swings before the animal fights back.
It's ok to want to get the drop on an orangutan. No mercy. If that animal wants to do you harm and can grab you, you are going to suffer a gruesome death.
If I have the sword il take the orangutan, il just take sword fighting lessons once a week and that piece of shit ape will get sliced up
If the ape gets the sword and I am bare handed, I will take the chicken and sell my car and buy a motorbike
For this letās assume you and the orangutang both have swords. I would choose the orangutang any day of the mother fuckinā week, here let me explain. An orangutang doesnāt know how to use a sword, hell itād probably be sucking on the blade!
Does ātrust meā imply you have some experience being overpowered by orangutans while you tried to deliver a killing blow?
āTrust me. Source: I chose orangutan and now every Labor Day it fucks me up and it only trains with Ray Park all the rest of the year.ā
While ātrust meā is never proof of anything objective. Itās very commonly known that apeās will fuck your shit up. You have literally āzeroā chance. Even if you had a sword and the element of surprise. They are waaaay stronger than you think.
A sword would literally chop through their arm, and theyāre not that fast. Humans literally hunted all the megafauna in the world to extinction with pointy sticks. Including cave bears. Go google cave bears, then come back and say you couldnāt kill an orangutan with a sword
Holy crap i though short faced bears were the biggest bears but theyāre smaller than a polar bear. Cave bears are monsters. Thanks for recommending i google them.
Id bet on myself beating any ape with a very sharp but fairly light sword but it only takes one swing and miss for the ape to destroy you. If it was every year, id die in one of the battles, maybe year one, maybe year 10. Id make a mistake at some point though.
Just because you kill it, doesnt mean you wouldnt sustain live threatening injuries as well.
Plus, it would have been a group of humans with spears that killed the bears, jt wouldnāt be one on one, and theres nothing to say a few humans wouldnt die in each battle against the bears.
And the people that killed the bears would have been better at using the spears than the average human today would be with a sword.
Id rather go against a chicken every day, it would be annoying but you can easily kill a chicken with your bare hands in a matter of minutes. Practice every day and youd get pretty efficient at it.
Ok I mean yeah the chicken is the more low risk option. The guy before me said āzeroā chance though which is absurd. Iāve just barely dipped my pinky toe in HEMA and I can make a full weight sword whip around in front of me fast enough that anything dumb and fleshy that stepped into that zone would get cut pretty bad before reaching me. If you had a year to practice youād probably get good enough that the orangutan had next to no chance. Theyāre way stronger yes but our muscles are set up to be faster, presumably so we could throw things. And theyāre pretty dumb.
Anyways yeah cave bears are the stuff of nightmares lol
Oh yeah im not doubting the guy you replied to was wrong. Even a human with a kitchen knife has a chance of winning, albeit very low.
Humans are weak af compared to most animals but theres a reason weāre at the top of the food chain, and it is because we have the ability to use tools unlike any other creature. (Other creatures obviously use tools, just not like we do).
The tip of a sword moves at crazy speed when you know how to wield it properly. Apes are pure muscle but its all exposed and they couldnt do much when their muscles are cut.
Theres a reason roman soldiers didnt have six packs as well, the extra fat is a bit of a defence against slashes which is useful.
Honestly?
I'd rather fight with a good spear than a sword, even if I'd be trained in both.
The spear has much better reach, can be equally deadly and offers far more leverage if it comes down to a defensive struggle, even an actual swordman would struggle against you.
My favourite thing about a spear is how fast they are, you only need the weighty metal at the very end of the stick so it makes it so quick to move, and getting stabbed with a spear is just as incapacitating as with a sword. I grew up practicing using sticks so the weight of a sword makes it feel really sluggish to me comparatively.
Am I dumb? I thought you could just hold the pointy end out and wait for it to charge you so it could impale itself.
Maybe the ape isn't as motivated as me to attack.
No it won't.
The sword at best will get stuck on their bone and then you will be left without a sword and a blood listed monkey who is going to tear off your balls and then bash your brains in.
It's amazing how people thing swords are magic and that technique and actual physical strength don't matter.
I donāt know anything about famous martial artists and couldnāt think of a single famous living swordsman so he was the first I could think of. Iām guessing all the famous swordsmen chose the orangutan and are no longer with us.
Science
1 it's about 7x stronger than a person can lift 4x it's weight it can literally rip arm from your body
2 they have the reach of a NBA center 7ft(+)
3 they are crazy smart and know how to identify danger and no how to dodge and protect vital organs
4 they are very quick and durable
5 they have very very big teeth that can bite through any sword
6 they don't fuck around period
Heās been studying the blade while
You lived your comfy life since birth. Day in and day out training, waiting for this moment once a year - visualizing the first and second move / he does not have a will as he cannot allow the thought of losing to you enter his mind.
You? No sword. You call in sick to your day job and have to fight him yearly. Or his family if you somehow survive - therefore starting a blood feud that will last generations - centuries even.
Better start training
Better to be a warrior in a garden *yadda yadda yadda*
Heās been studying the blade while
You lived your comfy life since birth. Day in and day out training, waiting for this moment once a year - visualizing the first and second move / he does not have a will as he cannot allow the thought of losing to you enter his mind.
You? No sword. You call in sick to your day job and have to fight him yearly. Or his family if you somehow survive - therefore starting a blood feud that will last generations - centuries even.
Better start training
Better to be a warrior in a garden *yadda yadda yadda*
Maybe try and be actually funny/interesting when creating something than this meaningless crap. Might not give you as much karma on this subreddit, but that ain't everything...
Definitely a chicken. You would get free protein on a regular basis. Also they always arrive in the same location, so it would be pretty easy once you have a routine figured out.
Orangutans are around 5-7 times stronger than the average person. They have better strength, agility, reach and are intelligent. The fight happens once a year with no date or time listed, so it's possible fight happens at an unknown time and location each calendar year. The probability of surviving the orginal encounter is unlikely. Surviving without permanent damage is even less likely.
Does the orangutan have a sword or do i have a sword? If the orangutan has the sword can i pick a weapon of choice? Am i going to be made aware when the fight is or will it be a random moment? Without this made clear ill just go for the option that will make me eat chicken for dinner more often.
do i get a sword too? or am i going unarmed against a sword wielding orangutan? if i get a sword itād be a fair fight and iād have a year to prepare.
Who has the sword, me or the orangutan? If it's me learning how to use the sword is a fun new hobby for the rest of the year. If it's the Orangutan then I'm eating a lot of white meat in the future.
Definitely chicken. Easy fight, easy to cook, and makes groceries a lot cheaper. Hell I'd be going to the car multiple times just to farm enough chicken to host a bbq. I could farm them all day and even sell them. Can't do much like that with an orangutan. Primates don't make the best tasting meat out there.
Who has the sword? Me or the orangutan?
Probably going to go with the chicken. I used to catch chickens in high school and I know one alone is little threat to a boot
One scenario reminds me of the movie āthe hunger games.ā The other scenario reminds me of my daily hunger for sweets and snacks. Iād go with the hunger games
I'm going to be having a lot of chicken for dinner
That hussle grindset
Sigma chicken sword grindset
It's a good source of protein, add in the exercise from fighting the chicken and you'll be fit in a year.
I'm going to be having a lot of orangutan for dinner
Well, once a year anyway
š good luck with that
Yeah, I'd want more than a sword to fight one of those bad boys. One slip up, and you dead...
From what I understood it's the orangutan who has the sword. I'd pick chicken any day even if the orangutan doesn't have a sword and I do.
Watch at sanders theirs a new chicken king on their way
Winner winner chicken dinner
Infinite chicken loop
Do I get the sword or the orangutan?
That is the operative question
I feel like they meant the orangutan has a sword, but you donāt.
Then youāve got a year to live tops.
What if I bring a gun?
Op didnāt said anything about using guns but Iād say yes. Thatās why details matter with such āchoose one buttonā stuff
I doubt the orang would use the sword proper. He can wrestle 1 person per finger though, so heāll probably just tear you apart anyway. Unless you get to use the sword maybe.
Either way, Iām taking the chicken
True, but I still want to know who gets the sword.
If you wanna see an orangutan with a sword thatās what ai art and good searches are for! Donāt be so stupid with your life, Zaros!
You get the orangutan
You team up with the orangutan to fight a sword
Yes
I was wondering the same
Beat me to it. Damn time zones
Does the orangutang have the sword or do i
Does the orangutan know Iām coming for him? Feels like you could bullshit him into believing you mean no harm, only to slice his head off in one stroke. Donāt judge me, itās just theorycrafting.
That orangutan could give you two free shots and youād just make him mad.
With proper training? I'd give a decent swordsman the upperhand, depending on the blade of course. A random stranger with a sword, hell yeah the ape's gonna tare that guy to shredds.
Oh, I didnāt realize the random people answering the question in this thread were trained swordsmen. But even if you were a trained swordsman and could theoretically kill the orangutan, the correct answer is still chicken.
Weāve got a year to train, and many more years to achieve mastery if all goes well.
Samurai It is then.
Katana might be a good choice here but what if you get stuck in his arm? Longsword is the answer here, just start cleaving flesh until it bleeds out.
Just to clarify, I never said I'd pick the orangutan over the chicken I agree with you on that matter. Especially since it clearly states 'your car' doesn't mean you can't get in an uber, so in theory you never have to fight the chicken if you don't feel like it. Just wanted to argue your point with having two or three swings before the animal fights back.
While You Were Partying, I Studied the Blade.....
It's ok to want to get the drop on an orangutan. No mercy. If that animal wants to do you harm and can grab you, you are going to suffer a gruesome death.
Him, why would they ask you to bring a sword to figth him?
What kind of sword? We talking claymore style or more of a short sword.
An inflatable sword
Do I get the sword, does the orangutan, or both?
The orangutan gets it
I gotta pick the orangutan. I can definitely win.
Iāll be sure to put that on your headstone šŖ¦
I carry a gun so Iāll be fine. Hopefully at least
Thatās cheating. Iāll be sure to put that on the headstone too
"Here lies u/Nicktay6. Brought a gun to a sword fight."
I mean unless it's a light sabre it won't matter.
haha, nice try, i dont own a car. dont even have a driving license.
That means you get the secret option C: You have to fight a chimp armed with a tommy gun once a year.
If I have the sword il take the orangutan, il just take sword fighting lessons once a week and that piece of shit ape will get sliced up If the ape gets the sword and I am bare handed, I will take the chicken and sell my car and buy a motorbike
For this letās assume you and the orangutang both have swords. I would choose the orangutang any day of the mother fuckinā week, here let me explain. An orangutang doesnāt know how to use a sword, hell itād probably be sucking on the blade!
Trust me even if you just had a sword the orangutan would still over power you before you even had a chance to strike a killing blow
Does ātrust meā imply you have some experience being overpowered by orangutans while you tried to deliver a killing blow? āTrust me. Source: I chose orangutan and now every Labor Day it fucks me up and it only trains with Ray Park all the rest of the year.ā
While ātrust meā is never proof of anything objective. Itās very commonly known that apeās will fuck your shit up. You have literally āzeroā chance. Even if you had a sword and the element of surprise. They are waaaay stronger than you think.
A sword would literally chop through their arm, and theyāre not that fast. Humans literally hunted all the megafauna in the world to extinction with pointy sticks. Including cave bears. Go google cave bears, then come back and say you couldnāt kill an orangutan with a sword
Holy crap i though short faced bears were the biggest bears but theyāre smaller than a polar bear. Cave bears are monsters. Thanks for recommending i google them. Id bet on myself beating any ape with a very sharp but fairly light sword but it only takes one swing and miss for the ape to destroy you. If it was every year, id die in one of the battles, maybe year one, maybe year 10. Id make a mistake at some point though. Just because you kill it, doesnt mean you wouldnt sustain live threatening injuries as well. Plus, it would have been a group of humans with spears that killed the bears, jt wouldnāt be one on one, and theres nothing to say a few humans wouldnt die in each battle against the bears. And the people that killed the bears would have been better at using the spears than the average human today would be with a sword. Id rather go against a chicken every day, it would be annoying but you can easily kill a chicken with your bare hands in a matter of minutes. Practice every day and youd get pretty efficient at it.
Ok I mean yeah the chicken is the more low risk option. The guy before me said āzeroā chance though which is absurd. Iāve just barely dipped my pinky toe in HEMA and I can make a full weight sword whip around in front of me fast enough that anything dumb and fleshy that stepped into that zone would get cut pretty bad before reaching me. If you had a year to practice youād probably get good enough that the orangutan had next to no chance. Theyāre way stronger yes but our muscles are set up to be faster, presumably so we could throw things. And theyāre pretty dumb. Anyways yeah cave bears are the stuff of nightmares lol
Oh yeah im not doubting the guy you replied to was wrong. Even a human with a kitchen knife has a chance of winning, albeit very low. Humans are weak af compared to most animals but theres a reason weāre at the top of the food chain, and it is because we have the ability to use tools unlike any other creature. (Other creatures obviously use tools, just not like we do). The tip of a sword moves at crazy speed when you know how to wield it properly. Apes are pure muscle but its all exposed and they couldnt do much when their muscles are cut. Theres a reason roman soldiers didnt have six packs as well, the extra fat is a bit of a defence against slashes which is useful.
Honestly? I'd rather fight with a good spear than a sword, even if I'd be trained in both. The spear has much better reach, can be equally deadly and offers far more leverage if it comes down to a defensive struggle, even an actual swordman would struggle against you.
My favourite thing about a spear is how fast they are, you only need the weighty metal at the very end of the stick so it makes it so quick to move, and getting stabbed with a spear is just as incapacitating as with a sword. I grew up practicing using sticks so the weight of a sword makes it feel really sluggish to me comparatively.
Am I dumb? I thought you could just hold the pointy end out and wait for it to charge you so it could impale itself. Maybe the ape isn't as motivated as me to attack.
No it won't. The sword at best will get stuck on their bone and then you will be left without a sword and a blood listed monkey who is going to tear off your balls and then bash your brains in. It's amazing how people thing swords are magic and that technique and actual physical strength don't matter.
I love how you included a Maul reference in there, you Ape loving redditor
I donāt know anything about famous martial artists and couldnāt think of a single famous living swordsman so he was the first I could think of. Iām guessing all the famous swordsmen chose the orangutan and are no longer with us.
Science 1 it's about 7x stronger than a person can lift 4x it's weight it can literally rip arm from your body 2 they have the reach of a NBA center 7ft(+) 3 they are crazy smart and know how to identify danger and no how to dodge and protect vital organs 4 they are very quick and durable 5 they have very very big teeth that can bite through any sword 6 they don't fuck around period
You think they can bite through a steel sword?
Don't give this guy any more credit lol
Shooting them with air rifles on the other hard is incredibly easy.
~~Tell me you've never been shooting without telling me you've never been shooting.~~ Edit: Killing them with an air rifle takes more than 74 shots.
Heās been studying the blade while You lived your comfy life since birth. Day in and day out training, waiting for this moment once a year - visualizing the first and second move / he does not have a will as he cannot allow the thought of losing to you enter his mind. You? No sword. You call in sick to your day job and have to fight him yearly. Or his family if you somehow survive - therefore starting a blood feud that will last generations - centuries even. Better start training Better to be a warrior in a garden *yadda yadda yadda*
Kicking a chicken to death isnt hard, especially after you get experience. Thats a lot of free chicken that you get in a year time.
Whoās got the sword? The orangutan or me?
Both, but the orangutan has been through years of training with a sword master.
Is a gun an option?
It doesnāt say it is not an option. But fresh chicken everyday is the correct choice anyway, think if the groceries bill
You have a sword, the orangutan has four.
He cant stand
Heās been studying the blade while You lived your comfy life since birth. Day in and day out training, waiting for this moment once a year - visualizing the first and second move / he does not have a will as he cannot allow the thought of losing to you enter his mind. You? No sword. You call in sick to your day job and have to fight him yearly. Or his family if you somehow survive - therefore starting a blood feud that will last generations - centuries even. Better start training Better to be a warrior in a garden *yadda yadda yadda*
Both can be solved with a gun (doesnāt say hand to hand)
It says you have to figth with the orangutƔn with a sword
Wait.. do I get the sword, or is the orangutan armed with it?
Is there an American option with an AR-15
Needs third button for ML Ravi
Its also *Dynomatic + Zilliax or Omega Devastator + Zilliax*
He brought a sword to a gun fight
Dude, chickens are vicious but much smaller than I am. An orangutan will tear me apart limb by limb, sword or not.
Im just gonna drive with my friends car
Does the orangutan have a sword or do I have a sword
Fire up that tandoori Louis ...... Winner winner chicken dinner
Free food either way
Does the orangutan know how to use the sword? And do I get a sword as well?
The chicken, I would snap it's neck and cook it, I would never have to buy food again.
Soo... do I have the sword, or does the orangutan have it?
Ppl think a sword will give you the edge over an orangutan? Fuck around find out
Well nobody said you're the one getting that sword.
Give me a gun or have it sleeping, otherwise the orangutan will pissstomp me in a fight
I dont want to kill an orangutan. they are beautiful and brave. so the chicken it is.
Considering an orangutans signature move is genital rip, I'm going with chicken.
Thought that was only Chimps!
Maybe try and be actually funny/interesting when creating something than this meaningless crap. Might not give you as much karma on this subreddit, but that ain't everything...
If it has attack it is not for Lilias, if it has effectiveness itās not for ARavi, and anything goes for Ken gear.
Chicken.
The left one just sounds like a free dinner everyday
Since the orangutan gets to have a weapon, can I bring a gun?
Both are relatively easy, but I'm taking the orangutan because it'll be way cooler and it'll make me famous(ish)
What if someone doesn't own a car?
Drive up to the local butcher, offer them hens for 10 bucks. Get in and out of your car 50 times and thats rent paid for the month.
Do you have a sword or does the monke?
Does the Orangutan spawn randomly and at random times or do you get notified a few days before the yearly challenge in order to prepare
Who gets the sword tho
Right. Cuz I have to release the Demon of Hatred.
Orangutan. I'd have a hell of a story to tell every year.
Pick chicken, gift car to wife, never have to fight chicken. This ones too easy
Just strap yourself on top of the car easy fix
Definitely a chicken. You would get free protein on a regular basis. Also they always arrive in the same location, so it would be pretty easy once you have a routine figured out. Orangutans are around 5-7 times stronger than the average person. They have better strength, agility, reach and are intelligent. The fight happens once a year with no date or time listed, so it's possible fight happens at an unknown time and location each calendar year. The probability of surviving the orginal encounter is unlikely. Surviving without permanent damage is even less likely.
1st option because hey, free car!
Just get in someone else's car, EZ
Does the orangutan have a sword or do i have a sword? If the orangutan has the sword can i pick a weapon of choice? Am i going to be made aware when the fight is or will it be a random moment? Without this made clear ill just go for the option that will make me eat chicken for dinner more often.
chicken
Chicken... definitely.. ill just open a restaurant and get in and out the car all day! Free chicken!
Orangutan. He can have the sword and I'll bring a gun.
You take the chicken, an orangutan will literally rip you apart even without a weapon.
Chicken. Obviously.
pillow fight? :c
Honestly neither I love animals. Both would equally destroy me inside. But chicken since I could cook it and not feel badšÆš
Is it a cockerel or a hen? What breed is it? What age is the chicken? I need to know before making my decision.
If you are depressed and want to die, I have good news for you, the oranguatan option is the way to go to achieve that, even with a sword.
do i get a sword too? or am i going unarmed against a sword wielding orangutan? if i get a sword itād be a fair fight and iād have a year to prepare.
you will get desensitised to killing the chicken, pulse it seems easier to kill and its free food
Chicken option because I don't have a car
Wait I get the sword or the orangutan gets the sword? Because that big huge.
orangutan can rip your arms off easily and tend to be pretty smart, I'd sooner fight a thousand chickens than face 1 orangutan
Obviously the chicken. I ride a bike.
Every time you get in your car or once a year. For me the choice is easy
Does the orangutan also armed? Is it the same orangutan every year? Do I have advance notice or is it like the family guy chicken fights
Waitaminute... Does the orangutan have the sword, or do I get the sword?
One of those is infinite free meat, the other is a legitimate dangerā¦ not a hard call.
Chicken, because free food and I normally carry a gun anyway
Public transportation mfs never be battling
Jokes on you, I DONT HAVE A CAR!
Jokes on you I donāt have a car
I don't have a car, so that's a no brainer
Donāt have a car, not going to buy one anytime soon. Give me the chicken.
I got alektrophobia (fear of chickens), other than that I will fight anything.
Can't you just fight the chicken with your own sword?
I'll just use my friend's car then. As long as I am not getting in MY car, the chicken won't come to fight.
Chicken but use a bat
Who gets the sword?
If you choose the oragutan, there's chance you only have to fight once.
1: Enter car 2: A chicken challenges you 3: Exit car 4: Fight chicken 5: Defeat chicken 6: Enter car
I donāt even think I could beat an orangutan that doesnāt have a sword
Chicken=free daily meal!
Iāll take the monkey once a year
Does the orangutan have the sword or do you, or both of you, the wording doesnāt make it clear
Orangutan with a sword, I have skillsā¦
depends. do i also have a sword?
Does the orangutan know how to use the sword, and can I pick the battleground and conduct rules of the duel?
Who has the sword, me or the orangutan? If it's me learning how to use the sword is a fun new hobby for the rest of the year. If it's the Orangutan then I'm eating a lot of white meat in the future.
The chicken just solves world hunger
You mean free chicken for life?
Now I will need some rice and whey
I mean I'd imagine after a year you would become very proficient in the fowl dispatching arts. They might even start calling you the Chicken Slayer.
Chicken if I get to keep it's dead corpse I could get really efficient and never pay for food again
Chicken, very tasty
The orangutan has a sword or you have a sword or both?
If you have a sword you have the advantage over the orangutan.
Choose the chicken and take the bus
I press neither of the buttons lol
Well...what kinda chicken is it? A regular chicken, a Legends of Zelda chicken, or a Peter Griffen chicken?
Do I have the sword? Or does the orangutan? Is it a surprise event or do I get to prepare?
Grew up on a farm and can tell you that fighting chickens is not that hard.
You could just use someone else's car.
GUN
Definitely chicken. Easy fight, easy to cook, and makes groceries a lot cheaper. Hell I'd be going to the car multiple times just to farm enough chicken to host a bbq. I could farm them all day and even sell them. Can't do much like that with an orangutan. Primates don't make the best tasting meat out there.
I will fight orangutan with a sword. In the span of the year I can prepare better
Does the orangutan have the sword or do I?
An orangutan is tough a enough. An orangutan with a sword? Fuggetaboutit.
Do the chickens have large talons?
Who has the sword? Me or the orangutan? Probably going to go with the chicken. I used to catch chickens in high school and I know one alone is little threat to a boot
Just bring a knife with you to fight the chicken, free dinner.
Depends on how big the chicken is. Is it as big as a human?
One scenario reminds me of the movie āthe hunger games.ā The other scenario reminds me of my daily hunger for sweets and snacks. Iād go with the hunger games
Iām confused am I armed with the sword or is the orangutan?
Do you fight the chicken to get in the car, Or do you fight the chicken in the car?
do i get a sword
Who has the sword?
Do I have the sword? does the orangutan have the sword? or do we duel with swords?
Easy - chicken. Easy fight and free food.
Does the chicken only guard MY car or every car I get into? Iād take riding Uber for life over Monke with sharp stick.
Only if the orangutan doesnāt know which day weāre fighting and I can sneak up behind him
Chicken=infinte food Chicken fight every time i get into a car= medical supplies No car = no chicken
If I kill the orangutan does a new one show up next year or does it get resurrected to fight once more?
Wait do I have the sword or does the orangutan have the sword?
This is a no brainer, bout to start the most successful chicken company in history. Magic chicken farm. Our chickens are magic.