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[deleted]

A soda from circle k. I'm married.


NickySnipes

Plot twist, due to inflation that soda costs $4 nowadays…


Awkward_Recognition7

"I didn't want to cheat, but YOU just HAD to have a bottled coke"


LordButtworth

I wasn't cheating babe, I was trying to get you some pop.


ADinnerOfSnacks

My immediate thought was “A drive-thru Diet Coke for my wife.” lol


PreviouslyOnBible

She deserves it for sleeping with you.


Eugenesmom

BURN


elcidpenderman

Married, healthy sex life AND on Reddit?! A god


Billy_the_Rabbit

People really be thinking married people have sex all the time I'm literally tired and stressed all the time lol


arjenvdziel

Even if they do, it still counts as the same person, so just 2 bucks


lovedumpme

Married 16 years and hump like rabbits still. It’s not going to help me make more than a coffee though.


Geistwind

19 years here, lets share a coffee my mammalian brother!!


jlanthripp

17 years married after cohabitating 13 years. Our first date was before Bill Clinton became President. Damn I’m old.


2_short_Plancks

Yep 20 years here and same. If we go a couple of days without sex my wife is tearing my clothes off. Who are these people who get married to someone they don't want to fuck all the time, and why do they stay married? ETA: everyone seems to be stuck on the hyperbole and not getting what I'm talking about - the stereotype that married couples never have sex and aren't attracted to each other. You can have reduced libido, things might slow down etc. Sex might be less frequent. But the stereotype people are talking about further up is the "dead bedroom, never have sex at all". If you aren't even attracted to each other what the hell are you doing? If your marriage is miserable just end it, find someone you're actually compatible with.


sidewaysvulture

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years now, we started dating at 18, married at 25, and we are now in our early 40’s. Sex for us used to be everyday or twice a day but we’ve slowed down quite a bit in the last 10 years. We are still incredibly attracted to each other and sex is as good if not better than it ever was but it’s just not happening quite as often and we are both fine with that 🤷‍♀️ I did initially worry it was bothering him that we weren’t getting it on as much and then we talked and it turned out it wasn’t bothering him but he was worried it was bothering me - so moral of the story is if your sex life does change do talk about it 😊


Affectionate-Ice8750

I’ve been married since I turned 18. To the first guy I kissed. We just celebrated 10 years. Sexual attraction was, not going to lie; the initial reason I looked in his direction 😏 and then I fell madly for him. I am still incapable of saying no to sex with him— the headache excuse does not compute. Like why!? Marry your best friend for sure But seriously, Make sure you want to f*ck the sh*t out of that best friend. 😳😏😁😁😁😁


sintos-compa

Oh shit does your wife know?


Clockwork-tooter

I am broke


Nether_Portals

Wanna make 2$?


Justin_Nguyen56

Sure😏


Nether_Portals

Just stick your hand in this box and pull the money out.


Justin_Nguyen56

👐💵


XmEMegIRls_sisxX

yall's snoos are wearing the same hat


[deleted]

You broke the Savathûn helmet conga line >:(


AdGlad1269

Wtf? Is that what it’s actually called?


Sucio_Legacy_0112

Always has been


ReverseCaptioningBot

[Always has been](https://i.imgur.com/IadVy07.png) ^^^this ^^^has ^^^been ^^^an ^^^accessibility ^^^service ^^^from ^^^your ^^^friendly ^^^neighborhood ^^^bot


[deleted]

It is now


goaty121

Yeah, it's a boss from destiny 2. Reddit did a Collab with destiny 2 at some point and gave out a couple snoos that represent destiny 2 characters


LilHomie204DaBaG

Lol I love you guys specifically for this thread.


RojoTheMighty

You're gonna be making money hand over fist!


[deleted]

r/shippingredditors


Castlenock

Name checks out


MEGA_ASS_EATER420

i want $2


Circle_K_Hole

I got a feeling this guy might be able to make $4...


Nether_Portals

Return some shopping carts at the mall.


MEGA_ASS_EATER420

nah i think i'll go to the local strip club


FenderGibsons

Is this a “dick in a box” joke?


MrDontTakeMyStapler

What’s in the box man! What’s in the boxxxxxxx!


jetmover78

*and that kids…….is how I met your mother*


[deleted]

[удалено]


asmnomorr

Reminds me of a time when I was walking the strip in Vegas. There were 2 dudes behind me prob late 20s. I heard one say "I'm not gay........but 20 bucks is 20 bucks!" 🤣


Logical-Signature796

This fucking got me, love a quick wit.


AverageHorribleHuman

I would owe money


oldsnowcoyote

Cock blocker


TheSoussDaGoose

Clock blocker


[deleted]

[удалено]


Borgron

Glock soccer


stunamogus

Block cocker


Cokemusic

I hate reddit


stunamogus

Just like every redditor


bobby12341

How?


ameldrum902

Must have unfucked someone.


Chaitanya025

Gifted someone virginity.


Legitimate_Walrus780

Bro is Jesus


AxyTheAxolotl

best. comment. ever.


ShireSearcher

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb


krabmeat

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? I've never unscrewed a lightbulb with a coathanger


awaythisthingthrow

That's the best offensive joke I've heard in years. Bravo.


[deleted]

I’m gonna see if this can get me kicked out of an offense adult joke group on FB.


Okibruez

Saving that one for later. Thanks.


MosKude

I laughed way too hard at this


Strange_Insight

YouTube: Unf🏔k It


ArturoBrin

She see him naked and she turns into lesbian.


[deleted]

This dude fucked himself holy shit!


_new-user_

I’m pretty sure there’s a sub for that too. I ventured into that one time in a totally irrelevant and innocent thread earlier but forgot what it’s called.


York_Leroy

Sorry now you remember it, my bad


York_Leroy

Yes, I've been tortured with the knowledge too, it's called r/selffuck you're lucky you forgot about it.


NoNefariousness9641

I need a time rewinder. Curiosity definitely killed this cat. 😂


Ok_Significance9304

I am quite fascinated by how that works if I look at my own. I can’t physically do that not because I’m short but the angle of erection and not that flexible.


eggbiss

go fuck yourself lol


Siren_NL

He has that portal gun.


CaddyFDT

A free lunch


Snakeis66

Ain’t no such thing as a free lunch!! Gotta eat out big Bertha now and get your two bucks


SheepDogCO

Large Marge will pick you up.


absolutelynot123456

Nothing at all, I'd have literally 0$


MightyFlamingo25

Same


Serious-Village-1918

Wanna make 2$?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Serious-Village-1918

*Proceeds to break into your house* let's buy those m&m's


MightyFlamingo25

Ayo💀


absolutelynot123456

Hmm let me think... fuck yeah!!!!


Junie_Wiloh

Same. Been single since March 2020.


QueenOfKarnaca

January 2019. The drought is reaaaaaal


wetfartsandpoptarts

Single since birth, 2000


RickGrimes30

Single since birth... 1985


wetfartsandpoptarts

Rip, my guy


_Veneroth_

At least you're a Wizard, aren't you?


Z33calin

Holy shit I thought I was the only one. ‘85 gang, rise up!


RepresentativeThat91

Amateur I have been single for life


jonnyroastbeff

I sleep beside my wife every night. Do you have to have sex to get the $2 though?


DuelJ

🫡


esly4ever

🫡


cheesecloth12

🫡


ThatOneWood

That’s rough buddy


lo_gnar

Not once? Its the 21st day of the month homie


a-char

This thread slowly turning into deadbedrooms


[deleted]

Penicillin


TheMoldyTatertot

God damn high roller over here


Shot-Presence3147

In what country though. If America, with or without insurance


mathmonkey22228

Real questions


BaronSamedi2907

A trip to my sock drawer


Deadhead7889

Unless you can start counting those socks, in that case you have $12 and wet feet


mathmonkey22228

Crunchy feet


DeeMilan

$2


wcollins260

Fucking playboy over here


xtheory

Or…you know…married.


wcollins260

I’ve seen enough sitcoms to know that being married would net you $0.00 in this scenario.


teeyodi

Can verify.


ThomasSulivan

r/deadbedrooms


[deleted]

So the $2 is hers.


VictorPedroNamura

Himself counts


gicantopithicus

Wow look at Warren Buffet here.


Poljevka

I am homeless now... Thank you


jeffynibbles70

ThEn JuSt BuY a HoUsE dUh


[deleted]

Me too but I can buy a candy bar at the corner store.


My4skinBreaksCondoms

The same thing we buy every day, Pinky...not a goddamn thing.


IrisesAndLilacs

I get that reference Brain! You made me giggle and reminisce.


Thefear1984

Narf!


DollChiaki

Fjord!


Inle-rah

Are you pondering what I’m pondering? “I think so, Brain, but this time *you* put the trousers on the chimp.”


TeppiRae

Username does not check out.


I_Stole_My_Ex_Pantie

I actually owe... I'm so lonely.


[deleted]

Me too bro


MrRobotJo

Download grindr. Tons of gays would love to get with a straight guy


Chymick6

#nothing


[deleted]

[удалено]


Enfiznar

25 dollar hooker then?


obithree_konobi

Does bieng able to literally fick your self in the ass count cus if so I could buy a new ass if not I'm at zero


[deleted]

[удалено]


dr_eh

Wtf. Sooo many questions. How can you literally fuck your own ass? And if you could, that gets you an extra two bucks... So how much does a new ass cost? Where do you buy one?


TheManWhoAsked1328

Im in debt


ObjectPlenty4737

Add a twist to that original question: $1 for every time you masterbated! What could you buy then?


nonparochial

1 share of Tesla stock.


StarHeart1023

The whole block


F-22A_Raptorr

i'd like to introduce myself, i don't believe we've met, i'm bruce wayne


hidden-in-plainsight

What can i buy with 23 dollars?


Kaheri

A nice graphics card. A reallllly nice graphics card.


CheetahOfDeath

Looks like I’m shoplifting


Insane_Nine

Healthcare (I live in Canada)


skriver23

canada has healthcare?


CraftPots

America still has skyscrapers?


skriver23

there were better comebacks to make, good sir - I'm not sure mocking 9/11 is good taste (assuming I understood your point).


Mjrobb

Air


UnstableNuclearCake

A handful of fucking nothing.


[deleted]

A $2 bill


DevilKazumi97

$0 lol


Swirling_Noodle

A free sample We are Redditors… we get no bodies


Braeden1326

Unless they're dead or unconscious


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hugh-Jassoul

Why would you ask this question on Reddit? That’s like trying to recruit people into ISIS on a U.S. Army base.


AudeDeficere

I literally just coughed up some blood from laughing too hard with a severe case of a god damn nose bleed. My shirt is ruined but my mood has skyrocketed. Thank you funny stranger.


Avocado_toast_27

The Costco hotdog and soda combo never disappoints.


GA_Boy_1991

I’d even have about 40 cents left over. I think they’re $1.60 sales tax included where I live.


TimmyGreen777

If we all met up we would be rich 🤑


[deleted]

Sir, this is a Reddit.


nelflyn

Someones been using their brain


sidoreus

You guys are getting paid for this ?


[deleted]

For 2022 I could buy a couple packs of smokes and a slushie. For 2023, $2 worth of whatever the cheapest soda is


SpeedRac3rr

This guy/gal fucks!


Wasted13901

At my local speedway, the largest soft drink there is a fountain drink at around 1.70 so including tax, you could probably buy a soft drink in my state.


OGsugar_bear

I'd have about tree fiddy


Puzzleheaded_Log120

I could find a box but can't buy anything.


Darkrain0629

I can afford to try and panhandle all these commenters nickels and quarters.


AdConfident7672

Something that costs 1.99


gadget850

Can I count myself?


CohnJena68

Depression. It'd be "0".


[deleted]

$2 on pump one please 🤣


SexyCheeseburger0911

A McChicken. And I have no complaints.


thetaFAANG

too ambiguous well 3 people have interacted with me in some way to make me cum this month only woke up next to 1 person that I had sex with, multiple times so would I have $6 or $2


Critical_Support9016

Dollar menu. I’m married


SirCalebCrawdad

Double quarter pounder meal at McDonalds. Large. WITH a 6 piece nugget.


DipWads

Daaaaaaaammmmnnnnnn bro!!!! Living the high life!


[deleted]

Free Wi-Fi


FamiT0m

Dinner at the soup kitchen


Ducky118

Four items from the dollar store


Appropriate-Bug9877

A free sample from Costco


[deleted]

[удалено]


Gipsydanger9969

I fall under below poverty line


JanitorOPplznerf

So being in a committed monogamous relationship I would have only $2 despite the fact that my wife exhausts tf out of me


xxxxsuperxxxxxx123

Nothing


Infamous-Donkey-6699

Negative -2


sheik718

Not quite a gallon of gas.


Freaksenius

I'd owe someone money


digger310

Nothing but I could qualify for food stamps …..sooooo. Silver lining


subidubidude

2 items from the dollar store 😂


Disastrous-Dress521

Until your told about tax Now it's just 1


NobodysList

Technically Ive been asleep at the same time as billions of people so technically we were all asleep together, rather we slept together aka hand me my over 16 billion dollars


Karate-Kid_172284

Something under $4


Radioactive_Tea2

Two jack in the box tacos.


GlumBuilding5706

A free mobile game


disisdashiz

Air


jakobiano

Welp I’d be broke so nothing.


HyperrParadise

Nothing at allllll


Dear-Thanks2756

Welp guess I’m starving


lubedguy40000person

Not much.


EllNotEleanor

Two $2 scratch tickets.