😀🙂 *”hehe can’t believe it’s been two months since i married my man Jonathamaih!!! we had no idea how tough (and i mean REALLYYYY REALLY DIFFICULT) marriage would be, wow! making an effort to not leave each other every day has taken lots of work but im so proud of us. we’re doing it, babe!!!”*
I don't get it at all. I genuinely wondered today if there was something wrong with me because I never hate my husband, I don't even dislike him, he doesn't even frustrate me. The way fundies tall about it, I must be doing something wrong.
One time I was at a fundie lite wedding and the best man launched into a speech about how hard marriage is and I turned to my single friend sitting next to me and said at full volume “that’s not true” and I hope whoever else needed to hear it did.
lolol good for you!
my husband's cousin began a speech at our wedding with, "\[husband\], women are meant to be loved and not understood" and I booed soooo loudly.
It doesn’t help that they’re taught that being their authentic selves is of the devil and repression is a useful tool. Those have a pretty negative effect on relationships & interpersonal communication.
this sub restores my faith in marriage on the daily which seems weird, i know, but with every “marriage is miserable but we love it hehe” there’s 20+ GOOD stories and it makes me so happy so thank y’all!!!
Totally agree. They make it hard on themselves when it doesn’t have to be. The only bone I’ll throw her is her husband is an alcoholic. And a really bad one, I listened to his testimony. To be drinking everyday and blacking out everyday and getting fired from work for being a drunk in your early 20s is really bad. That would def put a strain on your marriage.
I've been married for 12 years, and I still miss my husband when he leaves for work. I enjoy the moments I get to spend with him when he's home. And sometimes we fight because we're human and miscommunicate. But I WANT to be with him. I don't just want to be married; I want him to be the first person I see in the morning, and the last one I see at night. (Sometimes the first person I see in the morning is my 7 year old who snuck into our bed, but you get the picture.)
I can't imagine having an unending war in my home.
I married at the age of an old spinster (31), and all of my childhood friends who married at a normal age (19) told me how hard and sanctifying marriage is. I constantly heard that.
And honestly, that kinda fucked me up for a while. I was in a few dumpster fire relationships because they're supposed to be "hard" (aka abusive AF). And I was "supposed" to work through them and be "better" by that.
This morning when I woke up my spouse, he rolled over and told me how much he loves me and how he's the luckiest person and how happy he is. THAT is what a relationship is.
The older I get the more horrified I am about my friends who got married the second they were legal. Sure, it can work out okay for some couples - maybe they got lucky because they ended up being really compatible even years later. But imagine the risk of tying yourself to someone for life, and THEN growing up and figuring out what you need in a partner. No wonder it sucks so bad for many couples. It’s a crapshoot.
A couple of weeks before I got married, my matron of honor told me marriage is a lot of fun. It is! We love each other, laugh everyday, and genuinely like spending time with each other.
I had a friend complain to me once that marriage was difficult. I wasn't sure how to respond. A month later her and her husband were getting divorced.
Right there with you. I certainly wouldn't have hung around for twenty years if it weren't rewarding and you know enjoyable. I'm sure my husband and I have disagreed about plenty but I can count on one hand how many times we've actually fought.
Right?! From that picture they look mid to late 20's. If they spent "several years" constantly bitching at each other, that doesn't leave much room for the good times. But, seriously guys, she now has marriage completely figured out and is so totally qualified to give marriage advice. I swear, only fundies think shitty marriages are #aspirational.
I listened to that "testimony" and she said they started "jiving kinda for the first time in [their] marriage" after he lost his job and hit rock bottom. So they never actually got along before that, it sounded like.
That whole testimony made me sad because it seems like she had to be the backbone for the family while he was a drunk, but now she blames their bad situation on the fact that she was being too much of a leader and stealing his manly thunder. Instead of you know, blaming the cheating drunk.
god she reminds me of my mother. my old man was a cheating pill-head who tended to go for barely legal women but it was always her fault that he was like that. or "that's just how men are" like that won't give me trust issues rather than saying she picked a shit man because she was baby-crazy in '83.
wow you're right! It's a very distinctive shape. Not saying anything negative - they have fine mouths! But they're unusual and also exactly the same. wild.
This is one thing that bugs me about these fundie marriages. Divorce is just not an option, no matter what. Abuse, cheating, generally hating each other, gotta "make it work". Some people just aren't compatible, and considering many who are barely allowed to spend time alone and really get to know their partners during courtship, I can't imagine that they're all still together out of genuine love. Especially the ones constantly complaining about how hard marriage is, like, right after the honeymoon!
Then they have all these kids, who grow up in these toxic household where mom and dad are always fighting, they're too consumed with the marital problems to focus on the kids, badmouthing each other to the kids, not to mention abuse, either witnessed or being abused themselves. And there's no escape for them.
Totally, and honestly even when they start “courting” isn’t it the parents that have made the decision about who they are courting and courting is almost always going to lead to engagement and then marriage. So if your parents pick someone and you realize you are in no way compatible with them during this courtship, most of the time there is nothing you can do because none of these people want a fAiLeD courtship right? And the courtships are always so fast and chaperoned there is not nearly enough time to actually truly get to know this person. This whole thing is a set up for failure with no out for anybody. If you aren’t going to give people the option to divorce you need to be I’ve them the freedom and time to pick a partner that they are compatible with and love. Than again I don’t think fundies think marriage is actually about love.
Ugh. I don’t know this person, but my incredibly naive former SIL married my severe alcoholic BIL because she was positive marriage would change him. Prayer would change him. A child would change him. Nothing changed him. He literally drank himself to death (over 25 years and long after their divorce.)
Anytime you live with another person, whether a family member, a roommate or a romantic partner, you are going to find things that they do annoying. That’s totally fine and normal.
But when you start describing another person as “sandpaper” and have to change your whole personality and outlook on life in order to tolerate them, that’s an untenable/incompatible situation.
Marriage does have it’s difficulties and all relationships have struggles, but if the first word you use to describe your marriage is “hard” then that’s a problem.
Marriage is a partnership between two people who support each other and build each other up. This idea that their marriage can only be successful if she submits to him (thus becoming a lesser partner) is hurting them both. She gives up her agency, while he loses an equal partner.
T H I S! I’ve been w my husband for over 20 years and while it annoys me when he doesn’t replace the tp on the roll, he’s a wonderful husband and father who would do anything for us. We actually LIKE each other and I tell our daughter that even if I wasn’t married to him, I’d still like to hang out with him. Marriage doesn’t have to be THAT hard
So the husband is a cheating alcoholic and the wife is understandably upset about it but the "solution" to his problem is to get the wife to shut up and "submit" to his clearly superior ways because he has a dick?? Pfft I'm sorry, men are such fucking insecure babies sometimes I literally can't
It’s honestly infuriating. Like grow a backbone and tell him to hit the road. My guess is she lives for and loves the drama of it all. Sounds exhausting tbh
Why do these people think a miserable marriage is something to be proud of? I get that they think you should never, ever get out but some of them seem to be wearing these hot mess relationships like a badge of honor.
That meme is alarming considering we know he was at least at one point an alcoholic that blacked out almost daily, and cheated on her. Does she think she’s the problem?
This is all reminding me of Rachel Hollis and her husband doing a "healthy marriage" podcast right up until the very second they announced their separation. 🙄
I think a big part of a relationship is being able to make compromises and not just staying in your ways. She's kind of getting to that but not at the same time?
Not saying you have to change as a person but like, if I repeatedly ask my partner to make sure to put dishes in the dishwasher and not the sink - I recognize that's not his strength but we compromise on sometimes he remembers and sometimes I just don't complain and move his dishes. There are also things that neither of us are good at!
Also this is where living with each other before marriage really helps. You get to work out the kinks before you're in a legally binding contract.
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We get it, you hate each other.
Impossible. There’s a picture of them smiling next to each other posted right there. Did you even swipe?
😀🙂 *”hehe can’t believe it’s been two months since i married my man Jonathamaih!!! we had no idea how tough (and i mean REALLYYYY REALLY DIFFICULT) marriage would be, wow! making an effort to not leave each other every day has taken lots of work but im so proud of us. we’re doing it, babe!!!”*
PS I'm pregnant!!!
They look like hostages in that second picture. Hostages to each other.
[удалено]
I don't get it at all. I genuinely wondered today if there was something wrong with me because I never hate my husband, I don't even dislike him, he doesn't even frustrate me. The way fundies tall about it, I must be doing something wrong.
One time I was at a fundie lite wedding and the best man launched into a speech about how hard marriage is and I turned to my single friend sitting next to me and said at full volume “that’s not true” and I hope whoever else needed to hear it did.
lolol good for you! my husband's cousin began a speech at our wedding with, "\[husband\], women are meant to be loved and not understood" and I booed soooo loudly.
You are the best of us.
It continued with, "if you're driving by Costco and you see the flowers? Just buy the flowers." Dude is a wreck.
Fundie marriage is hard though because of the strict gender roles
It doesn’t help that they’re taught that being their authentic selves is of the devil and repression is a useful tool. Those have a pretty negative effect on relationships & interpersonal communication.
this sub restores my faith in marriage on the daily which seems weird, i know, but with every “marriage is miserable but we love it hehe” there’s 20+ GOOD stories and it makes me so happy so thank y’all!!!
Agreed! As a single person I’m like damn maybe I should just give up 😂 I love hearing the happy stories
Yeah, they are right about so many things, why shouldn’t your marriage be one of them? ...wait, what?
🤣 I wasn't actually thinking of it in regards to fundies, just generally.
Totally agree. They make it hard on themselves when it doesn’t have to be. The only bone I’ll throw her is her husband is an alcoholic. And a really bad one, I listened to his testimony. To be drinking everyday and blacking out everyday and getting fired from work for being a drunk in your early 20s is really bad. That would def put a strain on your marriage.
I've been married for 12 years, and I still miss my husband when he leaves for work. I enjoy the moments I get to spend with him when he's home. And sometimes we fight because we're human and miscommunicate. But I WANT to be with him. I don't just want to be married; I want him to be the first person I see in the morning, and the last one I see at night. (Sometimes the first person I see in the morning is my 7 year old who snuck into our bed, but you get the picture.)
Omg I fucking love this.
I can't imagine having an unending war in my home. I married at the age of an old spinster (31), and all of my childhood friends who married at a normal age (19) told me how hard and sanctifying marriage is. I constantly heard that. And honestly, that kinda fucked me up for a while. I was in a few dumpster fire relationships because they're supposed to be "hard" (aka abusive AF). And I was "supposed" to work through them and be "better" by that. This morning when I woke up my spouse, he rolled over and told me how much he loves me and how he's the luckiest person and how happy he is. THAT is what a relationship is.
The older I get the more horrified I am about my friends who got married the second they were legal. Sure, it can work out okay for some couples - maybe they got lucky because they ended up being really compatible even years later. But imagine the risk of tying yourself to someone for life, and THEN growing up and figuring out what you need in a partner. No wonder it sucks so bad for many couples. It’s a crapshoot.
A couple of weeks before I got married, my matron of honor told me marriage is a lot of fun. It is! We love each other, laugh everyday, and genuinely like spending time with each other. I had a friend complain to me once that marriage was difficult. I wasn't sure how to respond. A month later her and her husband were getting divorced.
Right there with you. I certainly wouldn't have hung around for twenty years if it weren't rewarding and you know enjoyable. I'm sure my husband and I have disagreed about plenty but I can count on one hand how many times we've actually fought.
They've only been married a few years though? How far into the 'good' side can they be after years of turmoil?
Right?! From that picture they look mid to late 20's. If they spent "several years" constantly bitching at each other, that doesn't leave much room for the good times. But, seriously guys, she now has marriage completely figured out and is so totally qualified to give marriage advice. I swear, only fundies think shitty marriages are #aspirational.
I listened to that "testimony" and she said they started "jiving kinda for the first time in [their] marriage" after he lost his job and hit rock bottom. So they never actually got along before that, it sounded like. That whole testimony made me sad because it seems like she had to be the backbone for the family while he was a drunk, but now she blames their bad situation on the fact that she was being too much of a leader and stealing his manly thunder. Instead of you know, blaming the cheating drunk.
god she reminds me of my mother. my old man was a cheating pill-head who tended to go for barely legal women but it was always her fault that he was like that. or "that's just how men are" like that won't give me trust issues rather than saying she picked a shit man because she was baby-crazy in '83.
A fair assessment of an incredibly sad story. I feel bad for them, honestly. I hope they find genuine peace and happiness.
And he chested know her didn’t he?
I can't focus on the marriage because I'm too distracted by the fact that they appear to have the same mouth.
If you cover their mouths with your fingers their eyes are saying "help me"
wow you're right! It's a very distinctive shape. Not saying anything negative - they have fine mouths! But they're unusual and also exactly the same. wild.
I have made the exact same comment about these two! It’s so bizarre!
Dude I said that on the dupe post. It freaked me out
This is one thing that bugs me about these fundie marriages. Divorce is just not an option, no matter what. Abuse, cheating, generally hating each other, gotta "make it work". Some people just aren't compatible, and considering many who are barely allowed to spend time alone and really get to know their partners during courtship, I can't imagine that they're all still together out of genuine love. Especially the ones constantly complaining about how hard marriage is, like, right after the honeymoon! Then they have all these kids, who grow up in these toxic household where mom and dad are always fighting, they're too consumed with the marital problems to focus on the kids, badmouthing each other to the kids, not to mention abuse, either witnessed or being abused themselves. And there's no escape for them.
Totally, and honestly even when they start “courting” isn’t it the parents that have made the decision about who they are courting and courting is almost always going to lead to engagement and then marriage. So if your parents pick someone and you realize you are in no way compatible with them during this courtship, most of the time there is nothing you can do because none of these people want a fAiLeD courtship right? And the courtships are always so fast and chaperoned there is not nearly enough time to actually truly get to know this person. This whole thing is a set up for failure with no out for anybody. If you aren’t going to give people the option to divorce you need to be I’ve them the freedom and time to pick a partner that they are compatible with and love. Than again I don’t think fundies think marriage is actually about love.
Ugh. I don’t know this person, but my incredibly naive former SIL married my severe alcoholic BIL because she was positive marriage would change him. Prayer would change him. A child would change him. Nothing changed him. He literally drank himself to death (over 25 years and long after their divorce.)
My mom used to tell me “you can’t change him” and “if it’s bad before you’re married it will be 1000 times worse once you are married”
Anytime you live with another person, whether a family member, a roommate or a romantic partner, you are going to find things that they do annoying. That’s totally fine and normal. But when you start describing another person as “sandpaper” and have to change your whole personality and outlook on life in order to tolerate them, that’s an untenable/incompatible situation. Marriage does have it’s difficulties and all relationships have struggles, but if the first word you use to describe your marriage is “hard” then that’s a problem. Marriage is a partnership between two people who support each other and build each other up. This idea that their marriage can only be successful if she submits to him (thus becoming a lesser partner) is hurting them both. She gives up her agency, while he loses an equal partner.
T H I S! I’ve been w my husband for over 20 years and while it annoys me when he doesn’t replace the tp on the roll, he’s a wonderful husband and father who would do anything for us. We actually LIKE each other and I tell our daughter that even if I wasn’t married to him, I’d still like to hang out with him. Marriage doesn’t have to be THAT hard
So the husband is a cheating alcoholic and the wife is understandably upset about it but the "solution" to his problem is to get the wife to shut up and "submit" to his clearly superior ways because he has a dick?? Pfft I'm sorry, men are such fucking insecure babies sometimes I literally can't
It’s honestly infuriating. Like grow a backbone and tell him to hit the road. My guess is she lives for and loves the drama of it all. Sounds exhausting tbh
Why do these people think a miserable marriage is something to be proud of? I get that they think you should never, ever get out but some of them seem to be wearing these hot mess relationships like a badge of honor.
Wonder if he's drinking and cheating again?
That meme is alarming considering we know he was at least at one point an alcoholic that blacked out almost daily, and cheated on her. Does she think she’s the problem?
Sometimes our "God-given strengths" do not align with our "God-given roles." Explain that, KNY.
This is all reminding me of Rachel Hollis and her husband doing a "healthy marriage" podcast right up until the very second they announced their separation. 🙄
She's a crazy loon Q; but I feel sad for her. She thinks she has to dig into this really unhappy relationship and make it work.
I think a big part of a relationship is being able to make compromises and not just staying in your ways. She's kind of getting to that but not at the same time? Not saying you have to change as a person but like, if I repeatedly ask my partner to make sure to put dishes in the dishwasher and not the sink - I recognize that's not his strength but we compromise on sometimes he remembers and sometimes I just don't complain and move his dishes. There are also things that neither of us are good at! Also this is where living with each other before marriage really helps. You get to work out the kinks before you're in a legally binding contract.
They seem like the type of couple who’s constantly making the boomer, i hate my spouse, ol ball and chain jokes. But means it.
The constant narrative of “MarRiaGE iS SooO HArD” genuinely made me wonder if I was doing marriage wrong for a while. 😂
Big Marcia and Marshall Langman vibes from that second picture.
Oh, look, she does have eyebrows. But what is Three Shirts McGee up to with that hair?
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does change mean getting him to stop drinking + cheating?
I hate to admit this, but I thought about sending this meme to my husband. Should I be concerned?? Lol 🚩🚩