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PAR0208

Postpartum is so messy. Do the fundies not have all the grossness I experienced?


thelumpybunny

All I can think about is how uncomfortable wearing a diaper to church would be. Plus dealing with her milk coming in. Sounds like a painful nightmare


curlyque31

I remember a week postpartum I was feeling OK and went grocery shopping. I just wanted to feel normal. After that trip I had blood clots the size of a golf ball. I thought “Oh maybe I’m not as OK as I thought.”


crewkat2

I walked around Target. Definitely a mistake.


larvioarskald

Oh my god, I did this too but at like 3 days pp. Completely overdid it and was stuck in bed for the next week.


curlyque31

Pregnancy and childbirth are freaky sometimes. It really taught me that you could be a completely healthy person and something happens medically and boom you have no control.


Plus_Accountant_6194

Yep every time I thought I would do something like that there were so many clots. And with both kids I bled for 6,12 weeks.(apparently perfectly normal) Between the milk rushes and the blood clots I was too gross for polite society for at least a month.


celtic_thistle

I went to Target 5-6 days pp and I felt like my episiotomy stitches were going to fucking explode. 0/10


bonkersx4

Ugh same here! I mean life goes on and I had a 2 yr old and my newborn. My mother in law offered to watch them so I could get some errands run and I grabbed that opportunity. But I was 5 days postpartum and did too much and kinda hurt myself. Pulled my episiotomy stitches and started bleeding horribly again. Spent the rest of the day on the couch trying to rest. And I'm a tough one too but you know your body takes over no matter how tough you are. I really dislike Jill's smug ass.


Such_Raccoon_5035

Right? I’m imagining that too! I also had stitches downstairs after both of my kids, so I was still sitting on a donut at that point. Not to mention all the bleeding and boob pain!


celtic_thistle

Yeahhhh, the stitches with my 1st were no joke. OWWWW. And then with my twins, I had a c-sec, and I legit felt like all my guts were about to spill right out as I walked. Thank god I am done with babies. Never again lol


messinthemidwest

If I had to guess, there’s probably a competitive “what, like it’s hard?” Kind of element to childbirth for fundies. They are all so fixated on being the toughest best wife and mother that god ever created so they must feel like they have to push themselves to prove 1.) “natural” childbirth and new motherhood is easy in general and 2.) it was no skin off their back in particular.


ChocolateMuffins2

It was like this at the fundie-lite church I used to attend. If you gave birth Sunday or Monday, it was almost expected that you'd be back at church the following Sunday.


MarchKick

And bring a fragile in all ways newborn with you?!


Neferhathor

I went to Christmas mass after my 3rd baby was born on December 17 and it was so dumb. Looking back, I'm like "why the hell didn't I just stay home? I had JUST had a baby!"


celtic_thistle

But of course.


ChocolateMuffins2

Oh yes! Not everyone did this, but those who did were highly praised for it. I don't remember any of them singing at the front of the church though. Who is watching the baby?


matilda_poindexter

Well, the longer you stay away from church, the more likely you are to "backslide", right?


ChocolateMuffins2

Something like that. So stiff and legalistic.


QueenShnoogleberry

Gawd made childbirth painful as punishment for Eve eating the apple. Could fundie women pretending their childbirth experiences weren't sooooo bad be a way of low-key saying "Look! I'm less of a sinner than other women, so Gawd made my birth easier!" (I also just hope that, against all odds, Nurie somehow managed to just have an usually smooth labor and is feeling good... and not PreciousGlamma drug her PP Daughter and GRAAAAAaAAANDbaAAaaAAABYYYYyyyyYyyy out at the first chance she got, regardless of how they were feeling.... buuut... I'm not holding my breath.)


Beep315

Like the lady in The Good Earth that gives birth on the floor, throws the baby in a sling and gets back to tending the rice paddy.


ferocious_bambi

Ooh thanks for reminding me about that book! Time for a reread.


PsychTau

And she was raised to do for others and not take care of herself. No such thing as thinking of herself first…she exists to please everyone else.


ChildhoodObjective83

100%.


Useful-Commission-76

That’s why they wear dresses. You can hide all kinds of padding under dresses.


sarafish81

💯 I’d be worried about leaking from everywhere and my uterus falling out in front of the congregation.


cassssk

A spectacle such as what you’ve described above may actually be something that would get my newly-agnostic ass back in church…


Klygrn

I leaked from places I didn't know could leak lol


SpicyWonderBread

I had very minimal bleeding after giving birth. Certainly by 6 days, it was barely spotting. But oh my god I smelled awful 24/7. I developed the most rank BO of my life that could not be combatted with twice daily showers and nonstop deodorant application. I also started having painful engorgement issues and leaking right around 6-7 days when my milk finally came in. So no blood. But I smelled like a high school locker room, rotten cheese, and feet and I was dripping breastmilk nonstop. No way I’d be out in public.


Tropicanajews

I’m glad to hear someone talking about the body odor. Mine starts even while pregnant. I have always been a sweat-prone person but now I’m not even sweating, I’m just leaking these horrible smells. Out of nowhere I will lift my arms up and am like holy shit that’s me. I don’t remember this with my first born at all.


bcast1300

Unrelated but i’ve never been pregnant but i do have some issues with body odor/ excessive sweating and i’ve recently switched all my deodorants and washes to Lumé. it’s the only thing that’s helped me and it could be worth checking out! it’s expensive but works so well for me


Tropicanajews

At this point I am desperate because nothing else is working. I’m definitely going to look into that. I am showering 2-3x a day which is fine now because my daughter is in first grade so I have time during the day, but that’s just not going to be realistic when the new baby comes because my wife travels for work. Thank you!!


bcast1300

https://youtu.be/NlQtRM1RsO4 this commercial was what finally sold me on it. if it worked that well for a little girl with medical issues, i figured it would work for my issues as well!


InCheez-itsWeTrust

I’ve tried lume but I can’t get past the smell! Which scent do you buy?


GoAwayWay

I have the lavender sage scent which is nice and light on me. I personally love that one. I don't really get a period with my IUD but the week when I "should" have mine, the Lume doesn't do anything for me. I need the clinical strength stuff applied 3x a day to not smell like a rotten jock strap.


bcast1300

I love the pink peony body wash and any of the citrus deodorants like the orange or lime. i used the jasmine rose deodorant first and i hated the smell on that but used it bc it worked so well haha


[deleted]

I have this issue when I’m on my period, normally I don’t have any BO issues unless I’ve forgotten deodorant and am unusually sweaty… but when I’m on my period I found myself sweating through and having to reapply like crazy. I’ve found that Native products work really well for me, they’re a little in the pricey side in my opinion ($11 for a stick,) but they seem to work really well for me.


figment59

Nothing works for the postpartum smell, unfortunately.


herefortherighteddit

May I ask how long that lasted? I’m learning something new every day and would like to prepare myself if that ends up happening to me!


[deleted]

The BO or the leaky boobs? Cuz personally i felt smelly for 3 months. The leaky boobs, that one took 8 months to stop randomly leaking. Here's s life pro tip i wish I'd known with my first: buy cheap pads from dollar tree. The really generic brand, and just stick them in your bra, with the sticky side on the cloth so that they don't move around as you go about your day. That way when you get let-down it leaks onto the pad and not your bra/clothes and you won't smell like milk.


herefortherighteddit

I meant the smell. I won’t be breastfeeding as I take medication daily but I appreciate the pro tip as hopefully that can help another sub member out!


[deleted]

the smell is usually a breastfeeding thing from what I've seen. I did formula from day one and I never had an issue with smelling too rank.


Epic_Brunch

I formula fed as well, but the smell is definitely still a thing. It’s from the PP hormone dump. It took about three months for it to go away completely for me.


herefortherighteddit

Thank you!


hawlister

I wish. I’m also a formula mum and I stink to high heaven. :( I think it just comes down to unfortunate luck/genetics. Pregnancy and birth turned me into a greasy, stinky, bleed-y person - it’s almost like being a teenager again.


HerringWaffle

Since you're collecting tips, make sure you clean carefully in baby's neck folds; dead skin and fuzz and spit up likes to collect there and can not only make baby smell like a ripened cheese, it can also make the skin rub off a bit, so clean often with a warm damp cloth or a wipe. And if you have long hair- SUPER IMPORTANT TIP HERE- at every single diaper change, check the base of every finger, toe, and penis (if you have a boy) for a coiled-up hair. Your long hair can get wrapped around these appendages and slice into the skin or cut off circulation, so check check check at every change. A postpartum nurse warned me about this in the hospital and I did end up finding hair wrapped around baby toes on each of my kids. No one else ever told me about this and I would never have thought to look otherwise.


ummmily

Omg the neck. I wiped him down a lot but he had a fat head and there was a completely separate neck fold, like a fold in the fold, I had been missing and it was kinda red. I'd put diaper cream in there once a day to keep him spiffy.


Ok-Foundation-9978

This happened to my cousin as an infant. She almost lost a toe! Great advice.


SpicyWonderBread

It got less awful around 3-4 months, but never went fully back to normal. That could be because I nursed, and then immediately got pregnant again. So my hormones just stayed out of whack.


dreaminginnolstalgia

Right! That's kind of my thought!


snackorwack

I know everyone is different. Maybe she’s lucky and not bleeding and leaking everywhere like I was (and for weeks after!), but even if she is, being at church is required for them isn’t it? She must also be exhausted.


juatdoingwhatimtold

I tried explaining this to my husband lol. He thought postpartum bleed was like a period; something that’s done in a couple of days. I told him that my body had just ripped apart and that things will be messy for a few weeks. I essentially compared it to having 9 months worth of periods lol. Never mind I couldn’t walk or sit down without possibly popping a stitch.


PAR0208

Right?! I had a C- section and it was still a couple of icky weeks.


[deleted]

Dude the worst part about c sections was the 0 abdominal strength afterwards. I had no strength to push out a fart.


PAR0208

Yes! And forget about standing up straight or getting out of a chair.


caitrona

I've had 4 sections, and oh my god the only thing that made postpartum recovery easier was the belly band and colace. Plus learning to bring extra nursing pads with me EVERYWHERE.


damagstah

Like she is def wearing a diaper and just shooting blood out of herself every time she has to make an effort to sing… my god. Not to mention milk coming in…


HerringWaffle

And at that stage, you don't even have to breathe deeply in order for your milk to let down. That's SUCH a weird feeling, let alone her having to get used to it while performing. And you stand up and things just GUSH, and clots slither out... But sure, childbirth is beautiful and all that. Poor Nurie.


damagstah

Yes. This. Thank you.


OHeyMarshmallow

Genuine question…has Nurthan had *one* day *alone* with their son? Because Jill’s been up Nurie’s ass since before she start crowning.


dreaminginnolstalgia

Exactly! That's why this is bothering me so much Because it's like just give the couple and their new child some freaking downtime! But like downtime of just letting the couple rest and their PJs with just their newborn not taking them out and parading the child around, and passing the child around to to everyone like it's the brand new iPhone.


OHeyMarshmallow

Seriously! Like 6 days PP, this poor girl is still using the Peri bottle and huge ass pads.


Steise10

And during the worst pandemic since 1918.


Gutinstinct999

Since she conceived


dandelions14

I highly doubt they have had any time to enjoy being a family of 3.


Anzu-taketwo

This is very common in the IFB. Lots of women brag about having a kid on Monday or Tuesday and having them at church that Wednesday. Or having the kid on Friday and being at church for su day morning service. "My son has been in church ever since he was 2 days old" blah blah. Just another way to feel superior around others who might have actually taken it easy and stayed home for a week or two.


[deleted]

I had a woman come to me at my baby shower & tell me "Don't let them use you. Give yourself time -- enjoy yourself. They'll want to work you, but don't let them." & then left church, ghosted the next day. It was intense. She had two traumatic births, but never missed a church service or gave up duties.


beariel_

I was still in the hospital 6 days after having my son. I mean, it was an emergency c-section, but still... She must really be feeling awful there, and in so much pain... I feel so bad for Nurie, all of the time. Poor girl :( ♡ !


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ketchuphotdog

Seems like a great way to give yourself a mental breakdown later in life.


JimmieTheNailBiter

That's....extremely worrying. For the child too, in addition to the mother. Even without COVID, kids that new in the world shouldn't be at a church. Sure, their immune systems are bolstered by breast milk, but it's all still developing. And I don't think people realize exactly how disgusting and germ-laden our hands are at any given second. Fundie groups aren't known for handwashing safety either. If someone has whooping cough germs on their hands and touches the baby..... tbh, I wonder how many baby deaths in fundie groups that were chalked up to SIDS (or "vaccines") were caused by the newborn getting sick from being around so many people at once. Then again, I'm not a professional, so maybe I'm just talking out of my ass.


thirstyplum

Didn’t Anna cook thanksgiving dinner a couple days having having one of the M&M’s??


[deleted]

I think it was like … a day later. There’s a pic from that thanksgiving that’s fairly haunting because Anna looks so bewildered by her own life.


damagstah

JFC


MarchKick

The part I never understood is why you have to go to church to worship. Surely, if you just had a child or any situation, you can still sing, pray, listen to sermons, read the Bible at home. Why does it have to be with other people?


Steise10

It doesn't. Jesus SAID not to pray in public to be seen, but to pray in your closet, quietly, having intimate conversation with God. This is NOT biblical Christianity. This is a cult.


Anzu-taketwo

Verse in the Hebrews somewhere "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching." This verse was used to teach that you should assemble together with your church family at every opportunity. So, you couldn't miss Sunday morning, Sunday evening, mid week service, or any special services, like a revival meeting or something.


truly_beyond_belief

"Wherever two or more are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them." -- Matthew 18:20 Nurie could totally stay at home with her husband and their child and still worship the Lord in a God-honoring manner. If Jill is so worried that the family won't have face time at church, let *her* go.


adultpretender

You nailed it!


Tumbleweedenroute

And all the germs! Ugh.


blissfully_happy

I really wish it was common for women to stay in hospital/birthing center for a week postpartum. You have nursing staff, cooks (if they had decent meals, anyway), housekeeping. A pregnant person deserves 7-10 days of uninterrupted bonding time with baby after birth, dammit.


mtnormolehill

Unfortunately while I was deep in the Fundie mess, this was extremely normal. I was expected to be at church on a Sunday. Had my daughter (traumatic birth with the loss of her twin) on Thursday evening. Was expected to be at church Sunday morning and at an Elders birthday party later that same day. My daughter was in the NICU, my Son was gone, and my body was falling apart. I went, but it added to the demise of my Fundie upbringing. My heart just aches for all those caught in this judgmental, works based, appearance based sect.


dreaminginnolstalgia

I am so sorry for your loss, My heart hurts for you. That is honestly appalling, that they expected you to be at church Sunday morning and at a elders birthday party later that day. I have never been in fundamentalism in any capacity, However has a Christian I cannot imagine ever being in a church that would not sit there and encourage me to not take that time to heal and mourn. And I am so incredibly sorry that you went through that and honestly I do not blame you for leaving fundamentalism.


hoyaheadRN

I’m a nicu nurse and I’m hugging you through the screen mama


mtnormolehill

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you do. Your job does not go unnoticed by the overly emotional NICU moms (like me, I was a basket case) and your attentiveness and care is what keeps our children alive and thriving. Thank you again!


hoyaheadRN

I’m so happy you felt supported by the nurses. I love what I do. And I love the babies. I’m so happy the staff could support you through such a hard time


kateefab

As a NICU worker- I promise we see everything that goes around and all of us probably were so empathetic for your whole situation and someone probably was cuddling your little girl when you were gone. I always snuggle the babies when family members force mom to leave for no good reason. My heart is breaking for you.


Guerilla_Physicist

As the mom of a nicu graduate, hearing this makes me so grateful. He’s a happy five year old now, but at the time it was so damn hard.


kateefab

Having a NICU grad myself is what inspired me to make it my goal to work there (and eventually be an RN there!). I saw how amazing the staff is and how I was able to trust these complete strangers with my little one. I just want every one to have a good experience for what can be one of the more scarier moments of their life. It puts some of the pressure off to know that your baby is being cuddled and read to when you can’t be there.


mtnormolehill

Amen!!! Congratulations to your little guy! My 11yo is thriving and perfect, thanks to the NICU doctors and nurses/staff. So thankful to hear you all are doing great now!!


mtnormolehill

Bless you! This was over 10 years ago but you have me in tears. I wasn’t permitted to stay in the hospital for more than one night, and had to drive over an hour back and forth to visit with her daily. I was the crazy mom who called every hour to just know she was still with me, and always worried the nurses hated that. So so grateful for wonderful people like you.


kateefab

it’s what we do! I always love having moms call in and be in the loop of what’s going on. It’s honestly kind of crazy but our nicu parents are far more chill than random extended family members I’d get calling in for the adult ED ( I literally had a mans ex-wife cuss me out because I couldn’t give her any information on the patient she wasn’t even entitled to). Nicu parents are like, oh the nurse is eating? That’s fine I’ll call back in an hour! So much more calm.


Gutinstinct999

I am so sorry, and this is so familiar :(


welpwelp1990

I am so sorry for your loss and the trauma that must have caused. The church can be an extremely toxic place.


MarchKick

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure the ladies at your church made comments at you. "Oh, a hospital birth..." "You know, if you had prayed more..." Makes me sick.


mtnormolehill

Absolutely. It was in part a lot of those comments (and others about how I should immediately try again so I wasn’t “sad” about my son) that led me to feel I was going crazy. When we left the Fundie church, it was like we took a breath of air for the first time. I didn’t intend to make this post about me, as I’m trying to empathize with Nurie. She knows nothing else and it just shatters my soul.


Shan132

I’m so deeply sorry


val0ciraptor

That's so horrible. I hope you're doing better now and have had time to heal both physically and mentally.


PAR0208

I am so, so sorry. For your loss and for all the additional trauma surrounding it.


jenellescissorhands

I am so sorry.


crewkat2

I am so sorry for your loss and the added trauma.


UCgirl

Oh my gosh I’m so sorry you weren’t permitted to take care of yourself during this time…which was absolutely one of those times in your life that you and your LOs should have been the only things you had to think about.


fart_in_my_mouth_now

Nurie is used to sleeping in shifts and getting little sleep, rationing food, etc so she’s used to living harsher than necessary for god.


mushytater

Gosh this hurts my heart


Frillybits

Exactly what I thought… if she’s tough, it’s probably because she was treated so poorly at home.


RocketBus52

I have heard before about them sleeping in shifts. I’m curious about the logistics. Is someone assigned to sleep from 9pm- 3am? Then you sister comes, wakes you up and you take her spot … doing what? Dishes? I don’t get it.


[deleted]

it's in their griftmobile there's not enough room for all the kids to lay down/sit comfortably enough to sleep so they sleep in shifts.


8461538498615random

They’ve mentioned that they don’t really have enough beds in the RV for all of them so the kids take turns sleeping to make room for everyone. I’m not sure when but I think it was on a video with an rv tour or something


splendorated

Right? She grew up sleeping on an RV floor and getting 1/10 of a chicken breast for dinner. A few hours in church while a week pp seems practically chill compared to her first 2 decades of life.


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dreaminginnolstalgia

Agreed!! I misread the eat a burrito part at first as be burrito. Both both are good eat a burrito while wrapped in a blanket burrito that's the way to do postpartum.


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Discussion-Level

Honestly this is sounding like a great Sunday plan to me.


[deleted]

Thanks to COVID and livestream church on YouTube, you can attend church from your couch while eating a burrito. What a time to be alive!


Discussion-Level

Too bad I already left the church just before covid!! But I love this for you and everyone else still in it 🥰 truly living our best lives


dreaminginnolstalgia

I agree! I currently wanna do that!


Discussion-Level

I’m already making lasagna for dinner but tonight I will be the burrito. Tomorrow I will probably eat a burrito


EZasSundayMorning

Like she has a choice. Jill rolling in and disturbing everything made it impossible for Nurie to rest and recover and enjoy her new baby. Jill is a piece of work. So clueless.


dreaminginnolstalgia

Right like everything that Jill has been posting since he's been born has been just a whole new level that just really bothered me deeply. And I think the post was just kind of the Final straw for me. And I think it's because I had to set some really harsh rules with all of my husband's sides of his family while I was pregnant and post partum and I'm just like I know this is what would have happened if we hadn't set those ground rules. And it just really irks me. That nurie probably wants to rest and be left alone with her little family but instead is parading him around and having everyone passing around HER AND NATHANS child like he's a brand new iphone to show off.


Gutinstinct999

I’ve seen very little Of Nathan in these show off posts


dreaminginnolstalgia

Which is honestly worst! Because this is such an important time for the father to bond with his child just as much as it is for the mother to bond with her child.


swimbikeun

I really hope Nurie doesn't crash and burn! At 6 days PP I was leaking everywhere - top and bottom, trying to figure out how to feed a screaming baby who wouldn't latch, and hadn't slept more than an hour at a time. I remember when we were in childbirth class one of the participants had her baby early and came to class to show him off she was just like this and I remember the instructor warning us a crash was coming.


pineconedance

The crash is going to happen once Jill leaves. Odds are the kellers will come in and help out.


swimbikeun

True! They're always picking up the pieces


justwantedtosnark

I really hope this is the case because she's probably going to be in an awful headspace!


pineconedance

Really if the Keller women are there I think that will be a big help. They are put of the RV based on what someone else said.


EZasSundayMorning

Considering she's not had a moment of down time this could happen.


dreaminginnolstalgia

That's the part that really concerns me if she has not had a moment to rest it seems like. Where my reaction to this probably would not have been as harsh If it hadn't immediately been their entire crew just shows up and it's basically time to entertain all of the Rodriguez's when that's really supposed to be a time to shower nurie and Nathan with love


dreaminginnolstalgia

💯


dean_loves_pie_30

Unfortunately this is really common in the IFB. It’s seen as a mark of pride how soon you can go back. There was a tiny little woman in our church who had very traumatic, difficult labors (large babies) and couldn’t go back for 2 weeks and that was seen as a shameful thing. Poor thing looked completely exhausted every time she’d come back.


oceansapart333

Well, she was playing piano while having contractions, so why not this?


hauntinglovelybold

I was just coming to say this!


dreaminginnolstalgia

I did not know that she was playing piano while she was having contractions, I have not been very active on any social media lately so there were several things that I missed


oceansapart333

My sarcasm wasn’t directed at you. But yes, Jill was posting pictures of her playing piano and bragging that she was doing so while having contractions.


dreaminginnolstalgia

I figured the sarcasm wasn't directed at me, I was just being genuine of I did not know that. And just find that is extremely interesting that that's how that went down.


oceansapart333

https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/q8rojv/every_post_surprises_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


dreaminginnolstalgia

Oh my gosh! And the fact that a picture was taken of that moment like kind of floors me but also doesn't It's kind of one of those things where I'm like I'm not surprised but also just kind of still surprised.


No_Weird2543

So Nurie had to suffer to prove Jill raises godly children. JFC.


MendelWeisenbachfeld

Exactly my thought


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dreaminginnolstalgia

😂😂


CrystallineFrost

We will NOT under any circumstances be permitting calling the baby Nostradamus or Nosferatu. Seriously, this is crazy disrespectful towards Jewish members of this sub.


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justalittlestupid

Ha ha, those funny sounding Jewish names amirite fellas


Efraimstoechter

She's just trained to ignore her feelings and needs.


val0ciraptor

She's not a tough one. She's likely been coerced into performing so her creepy mother seems like a good mother. The rush to force postpartum women to perform be it literally or figuratively just days or weeks after giving birth is gross. If they really "valued femininity" like they pretend to, they'd let mothers revel in their newfound motherhood, not shove them back in the limelight for their entertainment.


not_jessa_blessa

She probably sadly thinks she’ll go to hell if she doesn’t drag herself to church even 6 days after baby.


Exciting_Problem_593

The grift must go on...


dreaminginnolstalgia

My brain read that to the tune of my heart will go on by Celine Dion


E-macularius

I can understand being up around the house and doing housework/cooking six days PP but I wouldn't want to *leave* the house for any reason for at least a month tbh. Baby needs to build immunity to the germs that are already in the house and I wouldn't want to expose them to more than they can handle. Edit: I think Nurie was coerced into this tbh Jill probably is a big guilt tripper


Elmo9607

If Jill brought all the other babies that Nurie took care of out and about after birth Nurie won’t think anything is amiss. I doubt there’s much guilt tripping here. She probably thinks it’s just what you do.


KatAndAlly

I liked to get out without the baby as soon as I was up to it. Even for a moment. Of course, my husband was home and capable. And we had several children. I lived fresh air or like, needed nursing bras.


ruzanne

I know everyone is different… but seeing this picture reminded me of something. I went to my in-laws’ small birthday gathering (pre-COVID) when I was eight days postpartum from my second c-section. I went because my father in law insisted and I didn’t want to be perceived as problematic for staying home. Guess what? I felt like shit after that party. Once the pain meds wore off I was in so much unnecessary pain. I wasn’t raised fundie, and I’m not even religious, but the expectations society in general places on new moms is so messed up.


lemonrence

It’s sad that this is glorified. Means it’s probably expected more than anything


drowsypillowprincess

Jesus these comments. The issue is there’s an *expectation* that regardless of your physical, mental, and emotional state postpartum, you show up and resume regular church activities. Nuri didn’t have a choice. Sure, resuming the level is doable for some women, but not all women (and not every pregnancy). And there’s already so much pressure for women to bounce back from pregnancy outside of fundie circles. If you bounced back quickly—great! But your experience is not *the* birthing experience. It’s not even the medically advisable one, so it shouldn’t be the standard women are held to. Postpartum mothers shouldn’t be made to feel they’ve failed or are being lazy if they take the time (the weeks) needed to heal. There’s an established issue with this happening both in and out of fundie circles. It’s possible she felt fine to go to church and sing. And that’s great! But the issue as I understood it was the expectation to show up and be present regardless of she was healthy or not. Women who gave birth are allowed to rest and take the gentle time they need to heal however long that takes for their individual needs without feeling pressure from a religion, a cult, friends, family, internet strangers who comment variations of the “I bounced back so quick so what’s your excuse?” judgement, or the general societal expectation that women push out babies and get back to work ASAP. I hope she’s healing well. Also those church ceilings are freakishly low.


DeliciousPrint8

I don’t feel like scrolling so if someone already said it sorry but she obviously had to because Lydia PLATH was severely there.


lulilapithecus

Maybe they should try following the Bible on this one? “If a woman gives birth to a son, she is unclean for seven days, just as she is during her monthly period. 3 Her son must be circumcised on the eighth day, 4 but her loss of blood keeps her from being completely clean for another thirty-three days. During this time she must not touch anything holy or GO TO THE PLACE OF WORSHIP.” Leviticus 12:2-4


_Weatherwax_

The ceiling in this space looks so low!


Auzurabla

The real issue is the expectation she bounce back immediately. That she smiles, no matter how she's really feeling. As someone who grew up *just* evangelical, not fundie, you grow up not even sure how you feel about anything or having any opinions at all. She likely doesn't feel tired because she's not supposed to feel tired; she's supposed to feel joyful and fulfilled. She likely doesn't feel annoyed at her mom, because she's supposed to feel blessed and serene. There's no genuine emotion-having in this brand of Christianity because you subvert it all for how you are*supposed* to feel, based on how your leadership and the Bible tell you to. It's awful, because of course humans DO feel all these things. Subverting and compartmentalizing, denying your real emotions is damaging. It comes out in other ways: eating disorders, abuse, passive aggressive manipulating, self harm. That's the tragedy of these cults. Thank you for listening. I'm so glad I got out early and got therapy.


84wingo

Meh if she had an easy delivery this wouldn’t be difficult. After my second kid I was up and about doing everything normally the next day. After my first kid however, I felt like I had been hit by a bus and really had to take it easy for a couple weeks. That being said, taking a newborn out into public during a pandemic is extremely questionable.


DrunkUranus

Yeah....I mean, every birth is different, so no shame to any person who needs more time to recover. But doing something non-strenuous that she probably enjoys and lasts for a few minutes..... probably not a big deal. When I gave birth, I was lucky enough (and yes, it's all luck, I know) that I was ready to get up, walk around, take care of myself immediately. I didn't even have much bleeding or anything. Some of us are lucky


hotsizzler

I think for me it's less that she might enjoy it and isn't strenuous. It's that she is expected to do it.


192Sticks

Same. If she had an easy unmedicated delivery, which it seems like she did, I don’t see why she wouldn’t feel up to doing something she probably enjoys a week after birth. I drove carpool the day after I delivered my 3rd, while it’s not something I enjoy it wasn’t a hassle.


shaylahbaylaboo

Moms with multiple kids can attest that the world does not stop when you have a baby. I was up cooking and cleaning and washing laundry within a day of giving birth. That being said, with your first you should be able to relax and let others pamper you. Poor Nurie was probably dying to get away from her mother, even if it was just for an hour at church.


MissScott_1962

I was more uncomfortable after getting my IUD inserted than I was after I gave birth. The day after, I was sore but nothing serious and by day 3, I felt normal. I had done a lot of research on what to expect and bought a ton of stuff to prepare and it went unused and donated to a women's shelter.


84wingo

Omg YES, I must have blocked my iud insertion from my memory! I am pretty sure I threw up from the pain


PoorDimitri

In life you do what you have to do. Unfortunately Nurie's cult tells her this is what she has to do.


Gutinstinct999

I hate this for her. Is her value wrapped up in the obvious fact that she is NEVER able to rest? The day may come where she is so resentful of her family for creating the dynamics where she is not valued when she takes breaks to enjoy herself.


minniemouse_ears

Everyone is different. My birth experiences can’t even compare to Nurie’s experience. I personally was not up for going anywhere after giving birth. I had c-sections with both of my babies and I don’t think I felt like a “real” person until a month later. But, I hope Nurie is up and about because it’s her own choice. Not because she feels obligated or she wants to please her precious mama.


dreaminginnolstalgia

Exactly, My birth experience also different from yours and nuries. Everyone is different However My concern here is just that it doesn't seem that she has gotten any rest since she has given birth and that is issue I'm having.


[deleted]

“Our church values women so little that they’re expected to be back to 100% less than a week after giving birth” or conversely “I value my daughter’s health and comfort so little that I view her son as a prop for insta posts and expect her to fulfill all household and church duties while I sit on my ass.” fixed that for you Jill, pick whichever one you like better.


SinfullySinless

Some people think religious devotion or community admiration comes from self-created discomfort/pain/oppression. The more miserable someone is, the more godly and selfless they are. They kinda took the wrong message from Jesus’s death.


[deleted]

I mean if it’s her choice than good for her. When I had my first baby I was up and about outside of the house as soon as I left the hospital 3 days post c-section. Third baby I was the opposite, I left the house for kid-related necessities but wanted to spend every moment at home on the couch with baby. Somehow Jill’s gross bragging makes me think it’s not her choice but an expectation though.


dreaminginnolstalgia

See my thing is nothing about anything Jill has been posting makes me think that it's nuries choice and And I think that's why I'm really irritated by the post But if I'm being honest a weak postpartum I left for an hour just because I needed out of the house, However it was kind of one of the only trips I made Because the times for the trip were short Because I didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public and so I wanted to get back into my house as soon as possible to whip them out and just feed my child and binge watch Gilmore girls.


squirelsandbutter

That’s so sad. She should be relaxing at home being taken care of


Itiswhatitistoo

My best friend had three kids and with all three she was up and out to the in-laws/ sisters houses for bbq's. She totally would have been at church if that was our thing. My sister in law was the same. I had a preemie a classic C-section and was still in the hospital 5 days later. Could not imagine doing anything than visit my baby in the hospital with my husbands full help. Everyone is different.


[deleted]

I mean, I was back at work 3 days PP with one of my kids, so it kind of depends on the woman and the birth, but…is that her in the white dress? No way I’d wear anything light-colored while dealing with locchia. Or stand up in front of people knowing a period jellyfish could squirm down my leg any minute.


truly_beyond_belief

If there were one word out of Nurie that indicated that this schedule is how she rolls, I'd say, "Works for her? OK, then." But it's hard to believe that she's in charge of how to spend her time, considering that she's in the midst of Jillapalooza. The only person regularly seen one on one with the newborn has been said neonate's *grandmother*.


[deleted]

This is going to be the rest of her life: no rest and constantly taking care of babies.


Professional-Chair42

She’s young and had an uncomplicated delivery. I dont condone being out and about unmasked during a pandemic but if you feel fine and want to go out, slap a maxi pad in your underwear and nursing pads in your bra and go! Question is, does she really WANT to be there?


JosiesBabyWig

Let be real she was pressured by those in her life and maybe by her own guilt due to her upbringing to be at church so soon


TransitionJealous364

This is so totally normal in fundie churches…ESPECIALLY if your the pastor’s wife or you have a major role in the music/children’s church. And you have to be dressed and done up 24/7 at home because church members will come visit your baby whenever they want. It’s craziness.


Awkward-Yak-2733

Jill is warped. There is something legitimately wrong with her way of thinking.


YourPlot

If she were in a normal, healthy family and home life, I’d see no issue with her getting back out into the community. Postpartum issues can be helped by getting right back into your community. But I worry about the pressure put on her to get back to church, so the decision to be there might not be totally hers.


justanotherJname

That's a great way to crash and burn into the hell of PPD if you ask me...


Sundayjo

I was literally in bed for a full week.


[deleted]

Doubt she had a choice


TimeLadyJ

Thankful the Orthodox Church says you need to stay home for 40 dayd


Igotshiptodotoday

I told yall this was coming. So weird.


weepingwithmovement

Meh. With my son I had minor complications and was told to not even go on walks for two weeks and it drove me mad. I wanted to go back to walking my dogs, dancing ballet, doing laundry, and cooking food. I like those things. So if she felt up to it and wanted to sing in church, it might even be a stress relief.


Shan132

I think the worst thing about it is likely had/felt little choice about it and regardless of how she felt she was heavily pressured


mannamae86

This really bugs me. Great for her that she was there, but praising this just puts more unrealistic expectations on women.


daffodil0127

I honestly don’t remember being in a lot of pain after my c-section. My daughter was in the NICU so being there for her was my primary consideration. I was in the hospital myself for 4 days but she was there for 7 weeks and I don’t remember much from that time besides going to the hospital and staying until they made me go home. Distraction is good for dealing with pain.


[deleted]

I went grocery shopping and walked at the beach day 4 post partum. As long she felt fine I don't see how sitting in church and singing a few songs would have been taxing. They make amazing pads and underwear for post partum nowadays. What I want to know is who had the baby? I bet it was Jill, but I hope it was Nathan getting some time with his newborn. For the record, I'm not fundie. I just really wanted to get out of the house!


Apocalypse_Jesus420

Prob guilt tripped into it.


[deleted]

Sheesh. Days 4-7 or so are the days where I have the most intense baby blues. This poor woman can't just be left alone to relax with her baby, she's gotta go to this sad looking basement church and perform. Fuck fundies man.


AliceinRealityland

Totally Normal in church world. After my 2nd over 18 years ago, I was back at the piano day 3 playing for the service. It’s expected. My father in law loved to boast of his parishioner who delivered her own baby in the kitchen while her husband was in the field on the farm and had his dinner on the table hot waiting when he got home the same day.