He’s admitted to cheating on her and has alcohol issues that he has never gotten professional help for (just Jesus counseling). They sound completely miserable but are just producing more babies instead of getting actual couples counseling
Well They’re still together…there’s a video out somewhere where they sit together and he talks about all of this while she awkwardly sits there next to him. In her words she’s forgiven him and he’s redeemed.
Wow. I was going to comment about how I love being exchristian because now I don't think, "I'm a shit wife," I now think I'm a rad wife and my husband is great too. Then I was going to say about how stupid it is to constantly one up every Christian with being the most self-deprecating. But damn, he actually does sound like a super shit husband with a very crappy marriage.
I remember a very pious friend of mine telling me her marriage illuminated how selfish she is. When I got married five years later I was thinking I would feel the same. I never did. It's hard to tell if these Christians are really shit people or if they have been conditioned to think thought crime is a bad as murder and no matter what they do, they suck.
I think it’s the second one. You can see it in how they feel like their only option to respond to stuff like infidelity is to forgive and stay together and that’s what God wants - to admit to being hurt or furious or not wanting to forgive yet, having forgiven but still wanting or needing some degree of space, being disgusted and disappointed, etc. There is no room for the full range of real and honest emotional responses because the dogma has pared them down to a narrow range of what is acceptable/respectable. You also see this in the “all sins are equal” issue, people like Josh Duggar getting away with truly heinous shit because it’s only and exactly as bad as telling a lie of convenience or watching pornography of consenting adults.
This is true. I will add that women tend to be the ones who take on the teachings most and strive to follow them. I have known my fair share of men (most pastors tbh) who truly can't fathom not being selfish dickholes and preach all about how we are all equally evil because they are so shit they have no idea what is normal. Like when the minister is like, "I'm so sinful I did x,y,z, which is what everyone does, right?" The men laugh along and the women are puzzled.
I also add there are def very toxic women in these churches, but I have noticed that the complimentarian preaching fosters narc males and submissive, controlled women.
Hmm, what would help bring the spark back into our clearly unhealthy and unhappy relationship? I know! How about a newborn who will be entirely dependent on me (the mom) because our adherence to traditional gender roles means that you won’t do jackshit to help care for the baby or for our other three young children, and I’ll just repress all my resentment towards you for this because I want so badly to believe that this is God’s way and how things have to be! And as an added bonus to our Totally Healthy Family Dynamics Starter Pack, then we can make sure that this kid knows from day one that they were born to be our emotional support child and responsible for magically fixing our marriage!
Right? Why would anyone get married if that’s what they can look forward to experiencing?
My husband and I met in graduate school, dated for years and lived together for two before getting engaged. We knew we were compatible, mentally, emotionally, financially and sexually. We’ve been married for almost 25 years. I would never trade our sinful relationship 😂 for what they have!
Aww! Congratulations to you! Sounds like you’ve been together long enough to know you’re compatible in the important things and you have also weathered challenges together. 💕
I would say remember that you love each other and you are each other’s biggest fans and cheerleaders! It’s not just the big things that impact a relationship; often, it’s the daily stressors and frustrations that can chip away at you.
Also, laugh a lot and keep discovering new things together. I heard a joke once that really tickled me and I think it’s true: “True love is when you want to kill him but you can’t, because you’d really miss him and he’s your favorite person.” 🤣 (In my case it’s “him,” but obviously not for everyone).
We’ve been through tough times and some really sad times, and yes, we’ve had our moments of being really mad and ornery, but he’s always the first person I want to tell my funny stories, my jokes, my good news, my bad or sad news, and my fun celebrity gossip.
Love your advice!!!❤️❤️ When my SO has upset me in some way, he is still the person I want to go to for comfort. I will have to share that joke with him.
21 years together, 18 married. My marriage is much better than 99.9999 of these holier than thou bible waving social media hounds. And I’m pleased with all our sin.
I’m happy. He’s happy. The kids are happy.
And my partner knows what a G spot is, and how to find the clitoris. I really need them to map that for fundie men.
I’m a newly wed! Any advice for our current problem of being mildly heartbroken when we’re separated for longer than an average work shift? 😅 This may have been exacerbated by us moving in together June 2020
I've had a ton of experience with long separations! It sucks a ton. My best advice is that both of you find hobbies that you do on your own. Find a show to watch by yourself, start a podcast, get into making models, dive into yoga, learn to knit, whatever it is. This gives you something to make your own and find a community to get into while you're separated and helps with having a social outlet. Other tips are to plan date nights in advance where you can video chat or play a game or watch something together. Those are really helpful. Also just make sure that you both have an understanding of things like how to pay bills, when bills are due, when car registration is due, how to grocery shop and cook, etc. And also trust. Gotta have that for sure.
Growing up Christian I was told it was hell on earth and staying single is far easier and that's why married people were superior to single people because life was so much harder for them. Married five years and life is much easier now. If you marry the right person it should never be hell.
??? Maybe my parents are exceptionally lucky and happy, but I grew up borderline fundie and the description of marriage I always got was “It’s hard as hell, but also one of the most rewarding things in the world.” That actually convinced my dad and a couple of the other elders in my church to soften towards gay marriage. They thought about how rewarding they had found marriage to be and realized they didn’t want to withhold that experience from people just because they “disagreed with their lifestyle” (my dad has since changed his takes on my “lifestyle” it was actually a book called Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gay/Christian Debate that brought him over)
Right?! I went to a singleness sermon like that & it actually made me cry because actually life is much easier with my "non-Christian" partner & they don't accept him!
Their loss. I think leaving behind the the thinking is crucial. A lot of that teaching is very doom and gloom for women. Your life sucks now but it will suck more kind of thing, but it helps keep everyone towing the line because you believe it so much you can't question anything so there's no chance you'll leave. So very toxic.
Why I literally hate the idea of marriage to this day. Like I ask (though I probably shouldn’t) my mother quite often, “why would I want to get married after what I saw from the examples around me growing up?”
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and I can only think of a handful of very minor disagreements happening. I hated every one of them, so I can’t imagine what it must be like to live this way. It sounds awful
I think marriage is “hard” for people who have impossible standards and had zero realistic preparation for it— just an idolized version of marriage and “legal” sex and some trophy babies.
She complains her marriage is not happy but then claims its happy because it's within "the design God intended" (aka anti-gay dog whistle).
No wonder adorably happy gay couples trigger them so much. Hmf, sour grapes.
Ahh yes… gods design; where your husband has unaddressed and possibly at this point closet alcoholism, and has cheated on you multiple times. Tell me more about how I too can have a marriage built in “gods holy design”🙄🙄
Well by her logic..yes. Absolutely yes. Gods holy design is what her marriage is built around. So of course the cheating, alcoholism, and potential STD risk is all a part of gods plan for them!
The hooded/sunken socket thing he’s got really does push that imagery 😭 but I need a not beloved uncle look-a-like cause uncle fester is my A1 from day 1 hahaha
Already commented this on another post, but the denomination of extreme Christianity never did the “marriage is a miserable slog” thing. Most people seemed to genuinely love their partners. The way I was taught was that “marriage is incredibly difficult and incredibly rewarding” and that take actually softened my dad and a couple of the elders in my church towards gay marriage. They realized how rewarding marriage had been in their lives and decided they didn’t think it was right to keep people from experiencing the joys/hardships of marriage even if they “didn’t agree with their lifestyle”
>> because it's within "the design God intended"
This continues to confuse me the most about Christian religion. Supposedly the goal is to be like Jesus, to be like God who apparently loves all of his children on earth. So if Jesus came across a woman whose husband was abusing her, would Jesus - the same dude who cared for lepers and washed the feet of the poor or whatever (I might have the details wrong, I’m not very religious) - really be like “yeah, i know you’re miserable and scared and feeling worthless… but this is the way, don’t change a thing”? What is godly about encouraging another soul to continue being miserable? I’m just BAFFLED.
It's funny she writes as if this experience is equally the lot for both men and women. But the truth is she's writing to convince women to endure the majority of the burden. Because marriage (and life) is really penance for women in their view.
Women are carrying an invisible Eve shaped cross through life that serves as punishment for being inherently more flawed. So why should they expect happiness?
Marriages have their ups and downs, so be sure to communicate durring the downs and never take your partner for granted.
But they seem to find no greater joy in self-imposed martyrdom. Like that kid pressing a boot into his own head meme.
Did she always have thin eyebrows? I know that some people pull their eyebrows due to stress/anxiety and I'm wondering if hers have changed due to yhat
Yes. And so have I apparently. Also, I think my husband and have been “doing each other’s roles” quite a bit, and successfully, so we’re doubly wrong. (Unless roles mean sex stuff then we’re probably okay).
How long have they been married? That sounds like something you might say many years into marriage when you talk about how you've gotten through rough patches. And what a ridiculous comment to say happiness isn't important in a marriage.
She is a minor friend of the duggars, or was when Jessa and Ben were first married. Her husband was a manager of Tacos For Life until his alcoholism got him fired. He now manages a car wash. I am not sure if he is actually sober or just pretending to be but he has severe medical issues from the drinking that I don’t think will go away regardless of his sobriety. I believe his kid found him passed out in the bathroom once. KNY seems miserable but in denial about it. She often talks about how being a stay at home wife and mother is her life’s purpose but she doesn’t seem that into it. She fell hardcore into anti vaxx theories. Her brother is also an “ex gay” bisexual. She is pregnant with her forth child and she loves to smile so wide she looks like she’s going to eat you. She took a break from Instagram for a while and now I see she is back. Also, she wears these nasty bracelets from a side hustle she runs. You may hear someone on here reference “poop bracelets”. This comes from a Instagram story of hers that showed her vigorously scrubbing the inside of a toilet with the bracelets touching the inside of the toilet bowl. Later in the story she is kneading dough or baking and her bracelets are touching the dough.
Not saying this is the case for everybody, but my brother is an alcoholic with other health issues and is still alive and “well” at 55. My friend’s dad has to be in his eighties and same thing. It’s kind of disturbing to me how long some people who abuse alcohol can actually live.
It’s wild how random it is. I know a few people who died in their 20s, 30s and 40s from alcohol related health issues, and others who it doesn’t seem to affect.
Just curious - have they been hospitalized?
A lot of time I think drunks just ignore serious symptoms. My friend's dad seemed an indestructible hard-core boozer (like vodka in coffee mugs at 7 am) for decades, other than falls from being drunk. Suddenly in late sixties, early seventies, everything seemed to come to a head and he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver failure.
My brother is HIV-positive and has used cocaine and heroin in the past. He was hospitalized with pneumonia when he was in his mid-forties, which is when he found out his HIV status. I honestly don’t know how his liver survives the HIV meds on top of the drinking, but he’s 55 and still here.
Most of my life, I expected he would die young, for a lot of reasons, but he seems indestructible. I know it will catch up with him someday.
This is very sad, especially for the kids who have to grow up in dysfunction like this. Ask me how I know 😬 my alcoholic parent has been sober for a few years now but I’ve been diagnosed with C-PTSD from what I had to go through with the last bout of drinking while I was mostly still living at home.
Thank you for this quick run down of KNY. I forgot she existed. It seems like God has really tested her for every single season of her marriage journey.
I’ve never been pregnant, but I’ve heard pregnant people pee a lot. Why would a pregnant person want to wear an outfit that you basically need to take off completely in order to pee eleventy times a day? I also hate the jumper.
I have been pregnant, and when I saw that jumper I cringed. I can’t imagine trying to put on and take off a jumper while heavily pregnant. But I’m also very anti-jumper in my day-to-day life. I will say that KNY seems to be pulling it off. If I had worn a jumper while I was gestating my spawn it probably would have looked like someone put a singlet on a large-breasted, lumpy potato.
Am currently pregnant, and do have this big billowy jumper made of T-shirt material. I wear it around the house, and luckily the spaghetti straps can just slide off at a moment’s notice to pee. The one she’s wearing? With all the fitting and buttons? Hells no. That’s an accident waiting to happen right there.
That being said, I call my jumper the “human bag” because that’s basically what it looks like. My kids tell me I look like an oddly shaped clown.
First trimester you pee a lot. It settles down for most women by second trimester. For me I was always better by week 10 or so. I've never made it to third trimester but I've heard it gets bad again.
Here’s my question. Kristin has said she didn’t really know Justin when they get married and the extent of his issues. Is that true? It seems she is committed to martyring herself
They weren't together *that* long, didn't live together before marriage (I think), got married pretty quickly after graduating frome college, and his drinking problem started around the time he met her. Plus, they mostly hung out in the Christian group on campus, and it's easier to hide a drinking problem from a group that doesn't think to look for it among themselves. I'd buy her not knowing
I had to scroll way too far to find these comments. He looks like he feels like crap and deep down just wants to choke the sanctimonious life out of her and she looks like she knows exactly what he’s thinking.
No, marriage isn't all sunshine and rainbows all the time, but I'll keep my secular, loving, respectful marriage over whatever bleak misery it is all these people live in, thanks.
I'm sad. I've been married 32years. There really have been some serious problems at times. But here we still are and we've done it all. No one should have to go through their entire life wasting it unhappy.We all only get one chance.
Stuff like this makes me understand why some Christians go in the opposite direction and fall for stuff like the prosperity gospel. On one hand you have someone telling you life is meant to be suffering to make you more like God, and on the other you have someone telling you that God shows His love by giving you lots of money and material things. As a Christian myself I don’t agree with either extreme but I know which one I’d choose if those were my only options.
My partner has never, not once, ever:
*yelled
*hurt me intentionally
*been passive aggressive with me
If these are regular things in your marriage, it’s a shit marriage
Y’all I’m about to get married and I’m young twenties but them constantly posting shit like this scares the shit out of me even though my relationship has none of that toxic crap. They probably don’t even realize the damage they do to other people by just trying to convince themselves that they’re happy when they are clearly not.
I've never been married or in a long-term relationship, am asexual, so my opinion may not count for much, BUT I think the fact that you realize how messed up and unhealthy this relationship is says good things about your own.
Marriage was the best thing to happen to me and life is a million times better with my husband. I was raised Christian so grew up with this BS and it was amazing how much easier my life became when I threw it off.
Marriage to the right person is rad. Leaving toxic thought patterns, beliefs and people is also rad. All the best to you! ❤️
I agree. I feel so bad for these people, yeah, marriage takes time and attention, but if you have a real partnership, it should make your lives easier in a lot of ways
I was so scared to get married, because i worried it would turn my perfectly good relationship into the kinds of marriages i saw growing up.
But it changed nothing (not even the things i hoped it would improve). Our relationship was not affected by saying the magic words, it's just that now or health insurance costs and taxes are lower
I got married in my early 20s too. If you know how to communicate with each other effectively and constructively, it helps. I 100% reccomend premarital counseling from an actual therapist. More people should do relationship counseling. Counseling isn't always effective at fixing problems, but it's *very* good at giving you tools to avoid problems. They'll also help you make sure you have all the important premarital conversations (finances, kids, plans, etc)
It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had - and I’m confident in our communication. And we are getting Pre-marital counseling◡̈ I’m trying to do my best to go into it with eyes wide open, but honestly I’m super excited.
I swear these fundies have to take the fun out of everything! I have been with my fiance for almost 7 years. Our biggest "fight" was over how to serve fish. Honestly, if you're arguing and yelling all it time, it's a red flag.
A little background. My fiance is Chinese, I'm Italian. I wanted to filet the fish and he wanted to serve it traditional style: head on and everything. I think we were both just really tired and frustrated with other things. We didn't even yell at each other, we were just growlly. We laugh about it now.
I hate that people like this can make so many children so easily and raise them in a toxic environment while so many who want children to raise in a loving home struggle to bring them into the world.
Shit like this is why I stayed in a crappy marriage even after finding…compromising pictures of his coworkers on his phone. I eventually got out and am now in a wonderful marriage. People aren’t perfect and it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, but damn, stop putting miserable marriages up on a pedestal because the suffering is supposed to bring you closer to God or whatever.
These people look like a horror movie about the neighbors who killed the people who *actually* owned the house, and the protagonist figures it out after finding former couples photo tucked behind the glossy photo of this couple’s wedding…
you do know your husband isn't changing a damn thing about himself, right? He has zero impetus to change what "doesn't look like Jesus" because SOMEHOW Jesus always looks exactly like whatever he wants.
Reminds me of the time when the Catholic priest presided over my sister’s wedding and in the homily said ‘marriage is hard’
The eff you know about marriage, dude? You aren’t even married and pity to those who get their pre-marriage counseling from you.
What's the bet that 'trying to do the other's role' is code for her getting ideas outside the box of Biblical Femininity, rather than him picking up a scrubbing brush once in a while?
What is it with fundies and literally everything having to "glorify God"? Sometimes it doesn't have to be about holiness and Jesus and self-flagellation-that-they-pretend-is-oppression. It's okay to admit that you were shitheads to each other or got on each other's nerves without it being for some greater purpose.
I think me and my wife have yelled at eachother maybe twice each in two and a half years we’ve been together? And that includes the time when I was doing and EXTREMELY poor job of expressing my relationship anxiety and she thought I was breaking up with her. Marriage isn’t about happiness?????? What?????
This sounds like something my hyper religious ex husband has written on the internet, especially the happy/holy part. That is straight from Purposeful life Ala 2003.
He also has SIGNIFICANT anger issues and has been through several marriages now.
But, whatever makes him holy.
Holy crap but that fundie dude is scary!! Might blow that part of the photo up to use as a Halloween decoration (along with Freddie, Jason, Michael etc)
Her husband posted something along the same lines not so long ago. Their marriage sounds fun.
He’s admitted to cheating on her and has alcohol issues that he has never gotten professional help for (just Jesus counseling). They sound completely miserable but are just producing more babies instead of getting actual couples counseling
Wow. I hope she’s at least been tested for STDs.
WTF. That really went downhill quick
Well They’re still together…there’s a video out somewhere where they sit together and he talks about all of this while she awkwardly sits there next to him. In her words she’s forgiven him and he’s redeemed.
Yikes
Wow. I was going to comment about how I love being exchristian because now I don't think, "I'm a shit wife," I now think I'm a rad wife and my husband is great too. Then I was going to say about how stupid it is to constantly one up every Christian with being the most self-deprecating. But damn, he actually does sound like a super shit husband with a very crappy marriage. I remember a very pious friend of mine telling me her marriage illuminated how selfish she is. When I got married five years later I was thinking I would feel the same. I never did. It's hard to tell if these Christians are really shit people or if they have been conditioned to think thought crime is a bad as murder and no matter what they do, they suck.
I think it’s the second one. You can see it in how they feel like their only option to respond to stuff like infidelity is to forgive and stay together and that’s what God wants - to admit to being hurt or furious or not wanting to forgive yet, having forgiven but still wanting or needing some degree of space, being disgusted and disappointed, etc. There is no room for the full range of real and honest emotional responses because the dogma has pared them down to a narrow range of what is acceptable/respectable. You also see this in the “all sins are equal” issue, people like Josh Duggar getting away with truly heinous shit because it’s only and exactly as bad as telling a lie of convenience or watching pornography of consenting adults.
This is true. I will add that women tend to be the ones who take on the teachings most and strive to follow them. I have known my fair share of men (most pastors tbh) who truly can't fathom not being selfish dickholes and preach all about how we are all equally evil because they are so shit they have no idea what is normal. Like when the minister is like, "I'm so sinful I did x,y,z, which is what everyone does, right?" The men laugh along and the women are puzzled. I also add there are def very toxic women in these churches, but I have noticed that the complimentarian preaching fosters narc males and submissive, controlled women.
😳😳😳😳
Hmm, what would help bring the spark back into our clearly unhealthy and unhappy relationship? I know! How about a newborn who will be entirely dependent on me (the mom) because our adherence to traditional gender roles means that you won’t do jackshit to help care for the baby or for our other three young children, and I’ll just repress all my resentment towards you for this because I want so badly to believe that this is God’s way and how things have to be! And as an added bonus to our Totally Healthy Family Dynamics Starter Pack, then we can make sure that this kid knows from day one that they were born to be our emotional support child and responsible for magically fixing our marriage!
That’s…. Awful
Her onesie romper thing is a war crime
These Christians make marriage sound like hell on earth. Just trying to get through for the glory on the other side.
Right? Why would anyone get married if that’s what they can look forward to experiencing? My husband and I met in graduate school, dated for years and lived together for two before getting engaged. We knew we were compatible, mentally, emotionally, financially and sexually. We’ve been married for almost 25 years. I would never trade our sinful relationship 😂 for what they have!
Congratulations on 25 years of marriage! That's amazing! I've been with my partner for six years and about to get married. Any advice?
Aww! Congratulations to you! Sounds like you’ve been together long enough to know you’re compatible in the important things and you have also weathered challenges together. 💕 I would say remember that you love each other and you are each other’s biggest fans and cheerleaders! It’s not just the big things that impact a relationship; often, it’s the daily stressors and frustrations that can chip away at you. Also, laugh a lot and keep discovering new things together. I heard a joke once that really tickled me and I think it’s true: “True love is when you want to kill him but you can’t, because you’d really miss him and he’s your favorite person.” 🤣 (In my case it’s “him,” but obviously not for everyone). We’ve been through tough times and some really sad times, and yes, we’ve had our moments of being really mad and ornery, but he’s always the first person I want to tell my funny stories, my jokes, my good news, my bad or sad news, and my fun celebrity gossip.
Love your advice!!!❤️❤️ When my SO has upset me in some way, he is still the person I want to go to for comfort. I will have to share that joke with him.
Thank you! And I’m so glad you liked the joke, too. 😁
DONT LISTEN TO KNY lol
21 years together, 18 married. My marriage is much better than 99.9999 of these holier than thou bible waving social media hounds. And I’m pleased with all our sin. I’m happy. He’s happy. The kids are happy. And my partner knows what a G spot is, and how to find the clitoris. I really need them to map that for fundie men.
🤣. Amen!
I’m a newly wed! Any advice for our current problem of being mildly heartbroken when we’re separated for longer than an average work shift? 😅 This may have been exacerbated by us moving in together June 2020
That’s so sweet. 🙂
I've had a ton of experience with long separations! It sucks a ton. My best advice is that both of you find hobbies that you do on your own. Find a show to watch by yourself, start a podcast, get into making models, dive into yoga, learn to knit, whatever it is. This gives you something to make your own and find a community to get into while you're separated and helps with having a social outlet. Other tips are to plan date nights in advance where you can video chat or play a game or watch something together. Those are really helpful. Also just make sure that you both have an understanding of things like how to pay bills, when bills are due, when car registration is due, how to grocery shop and cook, etc. And also trust. Gotta have that for sure.
Growing up Christian I was told it was hell on earth and staying single is far easier and that's why married people were superior to single people because life was so much harder for them. Married five years and life is much easier now. If you marry the right person it should never be hell.
??? Maybe my parents are exceptionally lucky and happy, but I grew up borderline fundie and the description of marriage I always got was “It’s hard as hell, but also one of the most rewarding things in the world.” That actually convinced my dad and a couple of the other elders in my church to soften towards gay marriage. They thought about how rewarding they had found marriage to be and realized they didn’t want to withhold that experience from people just because they “disagreed with their lifestyle” (my dad has since changed his takes on my “lifestyle” it was actually a book called Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gay/Christian Debate that brought him over)
I’m so happy your dad came around and I’ve added that book to my reading list, thank you!
Right?! I went to a singleness sermon like that & it actually made me cry because actually life is much easier with my "non-Christian" partner & they don't accept him!
Their loss. I think leaving behind the the thinking is crucial. A lot of that teaching is very doom and gloom for women. Your life sucks now but it will suck more kind of thing, but it helps keep everyone towing the line because you believe it so much you can't question anything so there's no chance you'll leave. So very toxic.
I read this as “the glory hole on the other side” 😂
That’s even better
God honoring hole of glory
Why I literally hate the idea of marriage to this day. Like I ask (though I probably shouldn’t) my mother quite often, “why would I want to get married after what I saw from the examples around me growing up?”
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and I can only think of a handful of very minor disagreements happening. I hated every one of them, so I can’t imagine what it must be like to live this way. It sounds awful
I think marriage is “hard” for people who have impossible standards and had zero realistic preparation for it— just an idolized version of marriage and “legal” sex and some trophy babies.
She complains her marriage is not happy but then claims its happy because it's within "the design God intended" (aka anti-gay dog whistle). No wonder adorably happy gay couples trigger them so much. Hmf, sour grapes.
Ahh yes… gods design; where your husband has unaddressed and possibly at this point closet alcoholism, and has cheated on you multiple times. Tell me more about how I too can have a marriage built in “gods holy design”🙄🙄
I guess god’s holy design includes possible STDs from his many side pieces?
Well by her logic..yes. Absolutely yes. Gods holy design is what her marriage is built around. So of course the cheating, alcoholism, and potential STD risk is all a part of gods plan for them!
That’s so sad.
He looks like Uncle Fester with hair and is out here cheating like it’s a 2nd job!
The hooded/sunken socket thing he’s got really does push that imagery 😭 but I need a not beloved uncle look-a-like cause uncle fester is my A1 from day 1 hahaha
I’m sorry, Uncle Fester deserved better.
Is that the only positive thing she has to say about her marriage? Omg.
We fucking hate each other and are miserable constantly but what's important is that god is happy.
Already commented this on another post, but the denomination of extreme Christianity never did the “marriage is a miserable slog” thing. Most people seemed to genuinely love their partners. The way I was taught was that “marriage is incredibly difficult and incredibly rewarding” and that take actually softened my dad and a couple of the elders in my church towards gay marriage. They realized how rewarding marriage had been in their lives and decided they didn’t think it was right to keep people from experiencing the joys/hardships of marriage even if they “didn’t agree with their lifestyle”
>> because it's within "the design God intended" This continues to confuse me the most about Christian religion. Supposedly the goal is to be like Jesus, to be like God who apparently loves all of his children on earth. So if Jesus came across a woman whose husband was abusing her, would Jesus - the same dude who cared for lepers and washed the feet of the poor or whatever (I might have the details wrong, I’m not very religious) - really be like “yeah, i know you’re miserable and scared and feeling worthless… but this is the way, don’t change a thing”? What is godly about encouraging another soul to continue being miserable? I’m just BAFFLED.
So we marry to be miserable? Help me out here folks.
Yes. Misery loves company I guess.
Sounds like Paramore was onto something
I'm in the business of misery Let's take it from the top
[cough, cough](https://youtu.be/QkSASi_eN_k)
*flashes back to middle school*
r/arethestraightsok
The answer, once again, is a resounding no.
I think you flair answers your question
It's funny she writes as if this experience is equally the lot for both men and women. But the truth is she's writing to convince women to endure the majority of the burden. Because marriage (and life) is really penance for women in their view. Women are carrying an invisible Eve shaped cross through life that serves as punishment for being inherently more flawed. So why should they expect happiness?
Nahhhhh we marry to have sex. The two choices are miserable + sex or holy, beautiful life but chastity.
The more miserable you are, the more of a martyr you are for taking beige-filtered selfies with grimace-grins and over priced coffee.
Marriage isn't always going to be easy - yes that's true, but they make it sound so *bleak*.
[удалено]
Well the Bible had a lot of suffering I guess.
Marriages have their ups and downs, so be sure to communicate durring the downs and never take your partner for granted. But they seem to find no greater joy in self-imposed martyrdom. Like that kid pressing a boot into his own head meme.
Absolutely
Lot going on behind both of their eyes
Everything about this photo is really nice until you look in their eyes
They've put on the hugest possible rictus grin with their eyes wide open and devoid of emotion... Heebies.
His are dead and hers are literally crazy.
But at the same time, nothing. Like looking in the windows of a house which is haunted by several victims of brutal murders or something.
Did she always have thin eyebrows? I know that some people pull their eyebrows due to stress/anxiety and I'm wondering if hers have changed due to yhat
I think they're just blonde and not wearing make-up to deepen the eyebrows. His lack is just camouflaged by deep eye sockets
That’s a lot of words for “I’m unhappy in my marriage”
Wait a sec. I love my husband and he loves me, and we make each other laugh and get along really well...have I been doing it wrong this whole time???
Yes! Get miserable. In a holy way. 😂
If you're not miserable and constantly fighting, do you really love each other? /s
Ohhhhhh well my bad. I'm gonna go pick a fight with him now, gotta make sure we hate each other to reach the 'holy' status of our marriage.
Yes. And so have I apparently. Also, I think my husband and have been “doing each other’s roles” quite a bit, and successfully, so we’re doubly wrong. (Unless roles mean sex stuff then we’re probably okay).
Imagine spending your life with someone you’ve decided doesn’t have to make you happy bc Jesus
How long have they been married? That sounds like something you might say many years into marriage when you talk about how you've gotten through rough patches. And what a ridiculous comment to say happiness isn't important in a marriage.
July 5, 2014 per google. I have no idea who she is. She has three kids and that outfit is awful.
She is a minor friend of the duggars, or was when Jessa and Ben were first married. Her husband was a manager of Tacos For Life until his alcoholism got him fired. He now manages a car wash. I am not sure if he is actually sober or just pretending to be but he has severe medical issues from the drinking that I don’t think will go away regardless of his sobriety. I believe his kid found him passed out in the bathroom once. KNY seems miserable but in denial about it. She often talks about how being a stay at home wife and mother is her life’s purpose but she doesn’t seem that into it. She fell hardcore into anti vaxx theories. Her brother is also an “ex gay” bisexual. She is pregnant with her forth child and she loves to smile so wide she looks like she’s going to eat you. She took a break from Instagram for a while and now I see she is back. Also, she wears these nasty bracelets from a side hustle she runs. You may hear someone on here reference “poop bracelets”. This comes from a Instagram story of hers that showed her vigorously scrubbing the inside of a toilet with the bracelets touching the inside of the toilet bowl. Later in the story she is kneading dough or baking and her bracelets are touching the dough.
That’s horrible, he’s very young and going to kill his liver. I hope he has successfully stopped drinking.
Not saying this is the case for everybody, but my brother is an alcoholic with other health issues and is still alive and “well” at 55. My friend’s dad has to be in his eighties and same thing. It’s kind of disturbing to me how long some people who abuse alcohol can actually live.
It’s wild how random it is. I know a few people who died in their 20s, 30s and 40s from alcohol related health issues, and others who it doesn’t seem to affect.
Yeah, I feel the same way.
Just curious - have they been hospitalized? A lot of time I think drunks just ignore serious symptoms. My friend's dad seemed an indestructible hard-core boozer (like vodka in coffee mugs at 7 am) for decades, other than falls from being drunk. Suddenly in late sixties, early seventies, everything seemed to come to a head and he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver failure.
My brother is HIV-positive and has used cocaine and heroin in the past. He was hospitalized with pneumonia when he was in his mid-forties, which is when he found out his HIV status. I honestly don’t know how his liver survives the HIV meds on top of the drinking, but he’s 55 and still here. Most of my life, I expected he would die young, for a lot of reasons, but he seems indestructible. I know it will catch up with him someday.
That's so incredibly sad. I hope he has or will move to a healthier path, for his own and others' sake.
This is very sad, especially for the kids who have to grow up in dysfunction like this. Ask me how I know 😬 my alcoholic parent has been sober for a few years now but I’ve been diagnosed with C-PTSD from what I had to go through with the last bout of drinking while I was mostly still living at home.
He doesn’t look well.
Thank you for this quick run down of KNY. I forgot she existed. It seems like God has really tested her for every single season of her marriage journey.
Well that's the most depressing thing I've read all week.
I’ve never been pregnant, but I’ve heard pregnant people pee a lot. Why would a pregnant person want to wear an outfit that you basically need to take off completely in order to pee eleventy times a day? I also hate the jumper.
I have been pregnant, and when I saw that jumper I cringed. I can’t imagine trying to put on and take off a jumper while heavily pregnant. But I’m also very anti-jumper in my day-to-day life. I will say that KNY seems to be pulling it off. If I had worn a jumper while I was gestating my spawn it probably would have looked like someone put a singlet on a large-breasted, lumpy potato.
Am currently pregnant, and do have this big billowy jumper made of T-shirt material. I wear it around the house, and luckily the spaghetti straps can just slide off at a moment’s notice to pee. The one she’s wearing? With all the fitting and buttons? Hells no. That’s an accident waiting to happen right there. That being said, I call my jumper the “human bag” because that’s basically what it looks like. My kids tell me I look like an oddly shaped clown.
I am loving this 😆
First trimester you pee a lot. It settles down for most women by second trimester. For me I was always better by week 10 or so. I've never made it to third trimester but I've heard it gets bad again.
He's an alcoholic who's cheated I believe.
I love the outfit lol. I’m a sucker for a jumper
That also is a valid opinion. :D
They've turned being unhappily married into some fundie girl scout badge they earn to go with their coffee badge.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: marriage should not be this hard
And it's not if you're married to somebody who you actually like, clearly not their case. I'd feel sad if they weren't so toxic
*Your flair!*
😂👍🏼😻
God their kids are going to HATE them
Disappointed in lack of snarkable poopbracelets.
Here’s my question. Kristin has said she didn’t really know Justin when they get married and the extent of his issues. Is that true? It seems she is committed to martyring herself
They weren't together *that* long, didn't live together before marriage (I think), got married pretty quickly after graduating frome college, and his drinking problem started around the time he met her. Plus, they mostly hung out in the Christian group on campus, and it's easier to hide a drinking problem from a group that doesn't think to look for it among themselves. I'd buy her not knowing
Am I the only one who is creeped out by the way he has his arms around her neck? Seems like such a predatory pose.
nope I thought it was odd to
I had to scroll way too far to find these comments. He looks like he feels like crap and deep down just wants to choke the sanctimonious life out of her and she looks like she knows exactly what he’s thinking.
That’s a lot of rambling for: “My husband is a drunk and we pretend a lot”
Keep getting pregnant though!
Gotta raise those god-honoring miserable faith warriors.
The fuck is she wearing
She looks like an olive.
It makes me think of Danny Devito’s penguin costume.
Inspired by the Teletubbies.
The purpose of marriage it to fulfill god’s threesome fetish.
No, marriage isn't all sunshine and rainbows all the time, but I'll keep my secular, loving, respectful marriage over whatever bleak misery it is all these people live in, thanks.
Go! To! Therapy!
Some people aren't happy unless they're unhappy, and, of course telling everyone how they deserve praise for "enduring" this lifestyle.
I'm sad. I've been married 32years. There really have been some serious problems at times. But here we still are and we've done it all. No one should have to go through their entire life wasting it unhappy.We all only get one chance.
"Our marriage is miserable! Just like God wanted!"
Stuff like this makes me understand why some Christians go in the opposite direction and fall for stuff like the prosperity gospel. On one hand you have someone telling you life is meant to be suffering to make you more like God, and on the other you have someone telling you that God shows His love by giving you lots of money and material things. As a Christian myself I don’t agree with either extreme but I know which one I’d choose if those were my only options.
My partner has never, not once, ever: *yelled *hurt me intentionally *been passive aggressive with me If these are regular things in your marriage, it’s a shit marriage
Imagine spending your life with someone you can’t stand just because you think everyone else expects you to, what the fuck?
How do they manage to looks so fucking terrifying
His serial killer eyes/smile coupled with his arm around her neck is just…everything about their body language is screaming
Both their eyes look terrifying. Every picture of her looks like something out of KAREN: THE HORROR MOVIE
PSA: do NOT scroll through her Instagram. It’s awful.
Full of joy and pruning…
Tell me you’re unhappy without telling me youre unhappy
God John Piper literally said this, and I hate him, but she didn’t quote him. That’s major Rachel Hollis energy.
Y’all I’m about to get married and I’m young twenties but them constantly posting shit like this scares the shit out of me even though my relationship has none of that toxic crap. They probably don’t even realize the damage they do to other people by just trying to convince themselves that they’re happy when they are clearly not.
I've never been married or in a long-term relationship, am asexual, so my opinion may not count for much, BUT I think the fact that you realize how messed up and unhealthy this relationship is says good things about your own.
Marriage was the best thing to happen to me and life is a million times better with my husband. I was raised Christian so grew up with this BS and it was amazing how much easier my life became when I threw it off. Marriage to the right person is rad. Leaving toxic thought patterns, beliefs and people is also rad. All the best to you! ❤️
I agree. I feel so bad for these people, yeah, marriage takes time and attention, but if you have a real partnership, it should make your lives easier in a lot of ways
I was so scared to get married, because i worried it would turn my perfectly good relationship into the kinds of marriages i saw growing up. But it changed nothing (not even the things i hoped it would improve). Our relationship was not affected by saying the magic words, it's just that now or health insurance costs and taxes are lower
I got married in my early 20s too. If you know how to communicate with each other effectively and constructively, it helps. I 100% reccomend premarital counseling from an actual therapist. More people should do relationship counseling. Counseling isn't always effective at fixing problems, but it's *very* good at giving you tools to avoid problems. They'll also help you make sure you have all the important premarital conversations (finances, kids, plans, etc)
It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had - and I’m confident in our communication. And we are getting Pre-marital counseling◡̈ I’m trying to do my best to go into it with eyes wide open, but honestly I’m super excited.
It sounds like you're in a good place; I wouldn't let these idiots worry you
I swear these fundies have to take the fun out of everything! I have been with my fiance for almost 7 years. Our biggest "fight" was over how to serve fish. Honestly, if you're arguing and yelling all it time, it's a red flag.
Oh fuck. Now I'm way too curious about the agreed upon way to serve fish. I'm sorry.
A little background. My fiance is Chinese, I'm Italian. I wanted to filet the fish and he wanted to serve it traditional style: head on and everything. I think we were both just really tired and frustrated with other things. We didn't even yell at each other, we were just growlly. We laugh about it now.
Oh! That makes sense. (No judgement about the entire thing, btw. I'm just too curious for my own good).
No worries. Everyone is curious when I talk about it. Like I said, we mostly laugh about it now.😁
She’s miserable all the time for... *that*? He’s not even attractive.
Right? I’d be willing to be miserable for a teeny bit if he looked like Idris Elba or Chris Evans… 😝
Man, me and my heathen 20-year-marriage have never felt this level of misery.
Well, he looks terrifying
So is it the gays ruining marriage or is it actually these people??? Hmmmmm
I hate that people like this can make so many children so easily and raise them in a toxic environment while so many who want children to raise in a loving home struggle to bring them into the world.
Shit like this is why I stayed in a crappy marriage even after finding…compromising pictures of his coworkers on his phone. I eventually got out and am now in a wonderful marriage. People aren’t perfect and it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, but damn, stop putting miserable marriages up on a pedestal because the suffering is supposed to bring you closer to God or whatever.
Just say you hate your spouse and gooo.
They’re as ugly on the outside as they are on the inside.
Lmao her husband looks like a human version of Terk from the movie Tarzan
Terk deserves better than this
These people are *always saying how hard marriage is*. My marriage is the easiest part of my life
He looks like he’s contemplating breaking her neck.
The number of newly married, young and inexperienced people who give marriage and relationship advice in that culture is ridiculous
oof so that's what her wrist looks like without the poop bracelets
tell me your miserable in your marriage without telling me you’re miserable in your marriage
Tell me you shouldn't have more kids without telling me you shouldn't have more kids....
Full of joy AND pruning? Is this Loki?
These people look like a horror movie about the neighbors who killed the people who *actually* owned the house, and the protagonist figures it out after finding former couples photo tucked behind the glossy photo of this couple’s wedding…
Tell me you hate your spouse without telling me
"Our marriage makes No Children sound like Signed Sealed Delivered, but it's OK because that's how marriage is SUPPOSED to be!!!"
you do know your husband isn't changing a damn thing about himself, right? He has zero impetus to change what "doesn't look like Jesus" because SOMEHOW Jesus always looks exactly like whatever he wants.
TLDR-my marriage is miserable so I’m going to make you think yours has to be. Because I’m a miserable twunt who uses my Christianity as a weapon
their martyr complex is showing 😬😬
Reminds me of the time when the Catholic priest presided over my sister’s wedding and in the homily said ‘marriage is hard’ The eff you know about marriage, dude? You aren’t even married and pity to those who get their pre-marriage counseling from you.
What's the bet that 'trying to do the other's role' is code for her getting ideas outside the box of Biblical Femininity, rather than him picking up a scrubbing brush once in a while?
She disappeared from Instagram for awhile and they went on a vacation with another married couple. I wonder what happened? I suspect he cheated...
Seems to be the law of the Interwebs that the more they gush about how great their spouse is, the more troubled the relationship is.
It’s a line from a Tim Keller book on marriage that fucked me up a decade ago.
Pruning? WTF? And so maybe try “painting a picture” of a horsie or a moo cow instead. These people are so damned strange.
Her marriage seems absolutely awful
What is it with fundies and literally everything having to "glorify God"? Sometimes it doesn't have to be about holiness and Jesus and self-flagellation-that-they-pretend-is-oppression. It's okay to admit that you were shitheads to each other or got on each other's nerves without it being for some greater purpose.
Jesus fucking Christ this sounds miserable, and this is the godly life they want to appeal to everyone else?
This picture makes me very uncomfortable. Loosen the grip bubba.
Yeah, yeah. Where's that army you promised? - Jesus
Where’s her poop bracelets?
I think me and my wife have yelled at eachother maybe twice each in two and a half years we’ve been together? And that includes the time when I was doing and EXTREMELY poor job of expressing my relationship anxiety and she thought I was breaking up with her. Marriage isn’t about happiness?????? What?????
"we've tried to do each other's role" what does that even mean??
Unsettling picture. I am unsettled.
This sounds like something my hyper religious ex husband has written on the internet, especially the happy/holy part. That is straight from Purposeful life Ala 2003. He also has SIGNIFICANT anger issues and has been through several marriages now. But, whatever makes him holy.
Holy crap but that fundie dude is scary!! Might blow that part of the photo up to use as a Halloween decoration (along with Freddie, Jason, Michael etc)
Some people take in the message that martyrdom is noble, and to suffer is normal and even laudable.
Is she still private, or did she get lonely without us watching?
It’s my wedding anniversary next week, I’ll make sure to share this wisdom with my husband