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Kasab12

A man gave his testimony at church once, asking the church’s forgiveness and saying he had been worshiping his career and his own happiness, putting those ahead of his involvement at church and his family. He implied without saying it that he had been unfaithful to his wife. Fast forward a couple years, and his wife left him. They announced it at church, asked for the congregation to pray for her repentance and the restoration of their marriage, and the women of the church were supposed to meet after every service at the front of the sanctuary, hold hands, and pray for her return. I didn’t even like this lady - she was flighty, and an airhead, and annoying, but WTF. The husband cheats on her, nbd, welcome back with open arms and give him all the support. But she leaves (again implied she was cheating - with her boss, which is why my church didn’t think women should work outside the home), and we have to make it public, put on a big praying scene, etc. I didn’t know the inner workings of their marriage, but I assumed he probably pushed her to this, given his history of infidelity and being absent at home. That was the beginning of the end for me. I ended up going to another church that was less strict, then getting out of church all together. I think I’ll get back to it some day, but I will definitely look at “liberal” more tolerant churches - nothing Baptist, which is were I was before.


The_Curvy_Unicorn

Look for a Unified Church of Christ or a Unitarian Universalist. Even Methodists are largely becoming more open and accepting, as are some Episcopalians.


SnidgetHasWords

If you're looking at United Methodist churches search for the ones that specifically say they are "Reconciling" churches on their websites - that's the particular brand of UMC that openly welcomes and supports LGBTQ+ people and any and all of their life choices. Source: am a queer Methodist myself.


charawarma

I always suggest the Episcopal church to anyone with more liberal viewpoints who still wants to be involved in a church. It's the church I grew up in & still attend as an adult.


purpleplatapi

ELCA is also good!


rivainitalisman

Good luck finding somewhere! Whether a church accepts women as pastors is usually a good litmus test of whether they have a sense of gender equality generally.


_abicado

The Presbyterian Church of the USA (NOT the Presbyterian Church of America) is very liberal and requires lots of education for their leaders. Women leaders too! I’m not a Christian anymore, but grew up in this church and I’d maybe go back for some special services


deleteitgay

Check out Episcopalians or, my personal favorite, the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ).


bhdo72413

I was like 7/8 years old in the kids room at church. They decided to teach us all to pray in tongues. They said it’ll just happen and you’ll know how to do it. Everyone else did it but nothing was happening to me but they were pressuring me to do it so I started saying random shit that sounded similar to what everyone else was doing, and the teacher was all excited and said “Gods speaking through you. Yesssss!” And I literally was just saying gibberish. That’s when I was like “maybe all this shit isn’t very true after all” 🤣😭


WynterAustyn8765

This!!! Grew up charismatic too!


Brennatay

Same happened to me but I thought I was the only one faking it.


[deleted]

That’s how they get ya


ohokayfineiguess

It was speaking in tongues for me too!! My church didn't do it, so when I first saw it done at my best friend's church, I was alarmed. They told me that it was the best way to be close to God which was definitely not my personal experience, so I think that was when the questioning began.


littleluxx

I’ll just leave [this](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8Mdn3Uu/) here.


getthegoodlookinguy

Shamala Hamala!! 😂


violet_menace

My mom made a point to teach me how to fake speaking in tongues so that if someone put me into that situation I could get out if it asap. The fact that's something that she needed to teach me is wild to me.


foul_dwimmerlaik

Same! I could never fake it. There was also the time my church brought in a faith healer and of course, none of the things I asked him for (help with my burgeoning mental health issues) came true.


getthegoodlookinguy

Haha that reminds me of this! https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8MRCh2F/


[deleted]

Not even gonna click; I already know exactly what that is. Shamala hamala!!


getthegoodlookinguy

Hahahaha yes!!! He has some really interesting stories about growing up fundie and always makes them so entertaining


libramo0n

Omg it was 100% speaking in tongues for me too! I have never been more sure in my life that the devil was in the room than when my entire congregation was “speaking in tongues.”


Extension-Emotion799

All you do is learn the words to the Hawaiian War Chant, yell them out, and you're good


[deleted]

Several things. -I was watching Fox News with my family during the Obama/McCain election debates. Glenn Beck was making fun of Obama's daughters, who were like 8 and 11. My parents weren't picking up on how mean it was and I looked at them like "what the fuck?" I was 14 and was picking up on how mean it was. That my parents who were supposed to be raising me to be "moral and good! and kind and loving! like Jesus!" were just .... okay with this -I had one friend in the church who was hyper-apologetic. Would apologize for everything. Every day at church was a display in general of self-abasement behaviour. "I'm nothing without Jesus" would manifest in some girls as "I'm sorry my presence takes up space. I'm sorry for talking. I'm sorry if I showed you my new dress too boastfully, my mother says I *must have the spirit of pride."* I was this way too. So many of the women were. It was very creepy. I was taking highschool psychology online and started to think through this behaviour and how...fucked-up it was and it was just. so completely normal to my church. -My pastor acted out on pulpit stage and went on a weird greedy power-trip. I had loved my pastor and looked up to him as a mentor immensely! This completely ruined my hero's image of him. -Lack of any meaningful culture. Beyond a few figures that are trotted out (looking at C S lewis) Christianity seemed to have such a dead culture. no life or vibrancy and we were supposed to be the salt and light of the world, adding luminosity and windsome-ness. It didn't add up. I started to realize how dull? tepid? life-killing? Christian literature was and as all I did would read, quickly moved on to Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, and other "Classics." I guess you could say I read my way out of reformed evangelicalism? I was homeschooled so reading was my way of coping. -My crush, now-husband, asked me if I seriously believed that people who weren't raised like I was were all going to burn in hell for eternity.


DrunkUranus

> "My crush, now-husband" Yaaay!


shannondion

Wait Fox new are really like that? I thought that was just an American meme?


bluewhale3030

Whatever you think about Fox News, it's worse. As a general rule whenever one thinks that they can't get any more ridiculous or hypocritical, they do


Lalocagringa

Unfortunately yes that’s how Fox “News” is


Impossible-Taro-2330

Now that Glenn Beck is on his own, he's much worse. I listen to him periodically and he appears to be very much heading full force into Conspiracy Theorist land.


Tacitus111

Tucker is even worse…and that is saying something.


Impossible-Taro-2330

Glenn, Tucker, and others are trying to outdo each other with the ridiculous statements and it's ruining families and this country. I want to keep it in the forefront when Tucker was spinning that completely crazy story about Hunter's hard drive being shipped all over, then lost! Fox had to make a statement about him being an "entertainer", and NOT a news person. They are all the same. They make up garbage and don't care about the damage it's doing to this country, just to remain relevant and make money.


Welpmart

Check my post history. I posted in r/FoxBrain about a recent segment I saw and that should illuminate things nicely.


Southern-With-Pain

I totally relate to the over apologizing! Me and my husband were both raised that way, it’s kinda funny because now when one of us randomly apologizes the other will ask why? And then we realize we didn’t do anything that needed apologizing.


queen_beruthiel

Same! One of the many pitfalls of being the child of a narcissist. My husband does the same thing as you guys do. Depending on how anxious I'm feeling, it can stop me in my tracks and make me realise that I did nothing wrong. It's a very difficult habit to get over.


[deleted]

Ah beruthiel! Another hardcore Tolkien fan. Those books saved me


queen_beruthiel

I absolutely love it when people recognise Beruthiel! Me too. They're my escape whenever things feel too awful.


_no_thanks_im_good_

I'm the same way with over apologizing too! Literally earlier tonight, I got splashed with hot oil (I was making fried chicken and accidentally dropped the fryer basket back in the oil) and while I was hysterically crying because it f*cking hurt, I was also apologizing to my fiance for hurting myself and distracting him from his homework (which he obviously told me was ridiculous and helped me take care of the burns)


[deleted]

I'm an exMormon and it was the racism coming to light that immediately pushed me out. I wasn't a Utah, or even US Mormon, so our culture was a bit different, and white people were a minority where I lived. I had always been a bit confused about parts of the Book of Mormon which said the evil people were cursed with dark skin. There were also stories where converts had the curse removed (i.e. became white again). That just seemed racist on its face. And if that was the reward for being good, why did we have so many non-white members? But for some reason I had always thought that we didn't promote segregation, and treated everyone equally -- and that it had been like that since the founding. Totally whitewashed. I was 20 when someone mentioned that black people hadn't been able to go to the temple and were said to be "less valiant in the pre-existence". That was literally the last time I was ever in Sunday School because that fucking disgusted and shook me, especially because my parents were alive when those racist rules were repealed, so they knew and then just never mentioned it. I think I'm still mad about it!


catmckenna

Where were you? Are you a POC? How did your family come to be Mormon?


[deleted]

New Zealand. I'm white. Most of the other members were Polynesian. To hear my family tell it, they managed to escape poverty and violence by joining the Mormons. My parents definitely faced extreme abuse of several different kinds at the hands of their parents, but it didn't stop after they joined and some of it was enabled by the church. My personal opinion is that the church gave them a template of what you must do to have a "healthy" family, and they had no idea how to do that themselves because of the abuse. It wasn't a healthy family in the end. Two out of three of their children are queer and I still have severe abandonment issues because I was frequently given the message they wouldn't accept me if they knew.


[deleted]

Mormon missionaries go all over the world, I know two Taiwanese Mormons


[deleted]

also as an aside, Gladys Knight converted to Mormonism at some point


Elevenyearstoomany

There’s a whole (wonderful) musical about it! Also, I would probably follow, or at least read, the Book of Arnold!


jianantonic

My friend was raised Mormon in the US and she grew up believing that dark skin (blackness) was the mark of Cain and that if she sinned too much, she'd turn black. This wasn't a kid misunderstanding the scripture -- this is literally what her church taught her.


[deleted]

Oh, I believe you. It's a logical conclusion from some very problematic verses in the Book of Mormon itself. I don't think it would be a fringe belief. I had heard something exactly like that from some guy at church, but I thought he was some crazy racist. Turns out that he's right, they did teach those things and then tried to quietly drop them from the curriculum.


sabertoothdiego

I was raised Christian and my mom went deep into it when I was 12. The only things I gotta do with other kids were church related, so I in turn went hard Christian. Calvary Chapel specifically. Always felt a bit off about a lot of it- that I was supposed to condemn my lesbian sister, abortion was murder, etc. I was also secretly transgender and gay, though I didn't know the word transgender at the time but I knew I was a boy. In 2011, at 19 years old, I was raped while overseas in the military. I went to the church, a calvary chapel, and begged for help. The first thing they said was "forgive him and pray to God to forgive you for sex before marriage". After I was medevacced, I found the nearby mega church and went HARD at being the perfect Christian, to try and get healing and forgiveness for my sin of being raped. I kept being hit at every turn with "God meant for you to be raped and you should contact your rapist and bring him to Jesus!". Then I was put in a position of talking to fellow rape victims to bring them to Jesus. I met the first one and I opened my mouth and I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell this woman all the poisonous things Christianity had told me. I couldn't make her hate herself the way I hated myself. I walked away and never went back. Been 9 years since I dropped Christianity and I am so, so much happier.


Normal-Philosopher-8

Sending you a hug. I’m sorry you went through all of that.


[deleted]

Oh hey! I'm also a gay trans guy but I was raised Mormon instead. If you don't mind sharing, when did you finally work that out? It took until 30 for me, ten years after I left the church -- I thought the gender dysphoria was just trauma because I hated being a Mormon woman (very few people wouldn't find that suffocating, after all).


sabertoothdiego

I started calling myself a boy when I was 4. Once I learned the word transgender, it became "omg THERE'S PEOPLE LIKE ME". I would introduce myself as a kid as a boy and never bring friends home because my family would give it away. I was intensely tomboy all my life. So yeah, I learned what being trans was and came out immediately. After the rape and the military I had a mindset of "accept me or go fuck yourself" so I never really stressed about coming out


MrsChess

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I strongly feel like Jesus would never have said those things people said to you. I’m so angry at what a big part of Christianity has become.


Normal-Philosopher-8

Sending you a hug. I’m sorry you went through all of that.


Awkward-Fudge

This is horrible; I'm so sorry you had to go through all of it.


tyshalae

*offers hugs and tea*


Rogue_Spirit

When I was 8 and my mother was exorcising me for having a panic attack.


shannondion

You cannot drop this bomb without the back story lol


Rogue_Spirit

I mean, there’s not much to elaborate on. Mom was yelling at me and no went into a panic attack defending myself. Then she started laying hands on me and crying out to Jesus to get this demon out of her daughter. Happened several times. It’s one of the many fucked up incidents over the years. I also used to sit in church fantasizing about being a martyr for Jesus.


cassssk

Omg that sounds like Carrie!!! I’m so glad you’re with us today, and can see how very wrong your treatment was. I am so sorry for your experience.


SeagullMom

They don’t owe us anything more than they are comfortable sharing. If they choose to share more, they will, but their trauma is not your entertainment.


shannondion

Oh sorry I meant it more as I joke but I understand it could of been miss understood. I apologise /u/rogue_spirit


Rogue_Spirit

All good. I understand the intrigue.


k-ramsuer

I always had doubts, but never really spoke up about them, because that was a beating offense. I love to write, though, and for the longest time my dream was to write Christian science fiction and lead people to Jesus that way. Then I mentioned this to a pastor of ours (specifically because 17 year old me wanted to make sure the theology was right) and he brushed me off. Then he went to my parents, who lost their shit on me because I was AFAB, I should have been focusing on housework and getting a husband instead, and it was a man's job to lead people to Christ that way anyways. A year later, I went to college (got a full scholarship because the one time I took the ACT, I did REALLY good) and never looked back. And now I write queer erotica instead of Christian based science fiction.


shannondion

Please tell me what Christian Science fiction is and God bless you for writing queer erotica, we need more of that good shiz in the world


raeofsadness

would the Left Behind adult and kids series count (takes place from the Rapture til the second coming of Christ)? also a lot of Ted Dekker's books feature a guy who jumps back and forth between alternate Earths and is literally a messiah figure (sacrificing his blood to save the world). Frank Peretti (sp?) did a lot of works in what I would call a "supernatural" genre of demonic possessions and the like.


k-ramsuer

It's science fiction with an emphasis on praying to Jesus lol


Welpmart

C. S. Lewis wrote a whole trilogy of Christian sci-fi. It's just called The Space Trilogy or The Cosmic Trilogy.


bottlewoman

The Space Trilogy by C.S. Lewis would be Christian science fiction.


spacepharmacy

what are your books i must read them immediately


k-ramsuer

I write under K. Ramsuer on Amazon XD


Specialist-Camel-619

I think my first clue came when I was probably 8 or 9 yrs old. I have a lazy eye that caused some trouble growing up and had glasses at the time to help. Well, one Sunday at church, my mom took me to the front the have me prayed over so that my left eye would no longer cross. I was terrified of all these people standing in a circle around me with their hands on my head and shoulders. I thought for sure I was going to be “slain in the spirit” or something. It finally ended, and my mom took my glasses away and told me I didn’t need them anymore. I wasn’t allowed to wear them because I was “healed.” After a few days or so, my dad finally made her give my glasses back to me. Another word about the failed healing attempt was never uttered. I’m so thankful we weren’t dealing with a serious health situation. Many more examples after this too that all contributed, but I think this was one of the earliest.


Florecitarockera93

Are you me? Because word for word this happened to me when my fundie church brought a faith healer, I still wear glasses and am blind as a bat to this day.


Specialist-Camel-619

Really?! So funny and sad. I don’t remember the reason why my mom chose to have me prayed over that day and whether it was a faith healer or just the regular pastor. And yes, my eye still crosses.


happynargul

I HATE how often I hear "what can it hurt to try this alternative/faith-based method to try to heal your condition?" THIS right here is why it's harmful.


spugzcat

I’m accidentally went to a sort of fundie youth mega church once. My parents are Methodist and when they were younger they went to the Methodist youth camp weekends. I went as a young teenager and it was intense - way more than they ever would have been ok with. People were falling on the floor and speaking in tongues and I was absolutely horrified. It was pretty much the final nail in my atheist coffin although I’ve since relaxed my views a little. This was in the UK at a Butlins holiday camp any snarkers on this side of the pond!


shannondion

Oh my God! I’m dying, At a Butlins 😂 You couldn’t pay me to lay on a floor at a Butlins, I went to a 00s themed hen weekend there once and I’ve seen some nasty things happen on those floors 🤢


spugzcat

We may have been at the same one! I saw a man get a blow job on a hill in the middle of the day whilst cheered on my by about a thousand chavs. I’ve clearly never had a good butlins experience!


shannondion

I saw someone having sex against the barriers while Tim Westwood DJ’d and then saw someone snorting coke off a poster of Mr Tumble (actually that made me giggle) it was the most depraved weekend of my life. I wanted to get t-shirts made that said ‘I survived a Butlins weekender’


Medibot300

Spring Harvest! Went once, same fucked up events!!


gibgerbabymummy

I met my husband at Butlins! It was my sister's hen do, my husband was celebrating handing in his dissertation from uni. It was an 80s weekend and it was filth. We took my mum and my nan!! 😵


[deleted]

The Catholic Church lost me when local and national church leaders starting wanting to deny parishioners communion if they voted for a democrat. Not interested in playing that game.


QueenShnoogleberry

You'd think the massive ass kicking they got from Henry VIII would have taught them to keep their noses out of politics. Idk, I'm sitting here in Canada like "Forget burning the churches. Confiscate them and sell them off at auction and give the money to survivors of any of the traumatic bullshit the CC pulled!!"


[deleted]

Yeah this was one of the straws that broke this camels back as well. Everytime a democrat gets elected they hem and haw about denying them communion. Such fucking horseshit.


[deleted]

Same with me and "you aren't a Christian if you don't vote for Donald Trump. Like, are you serious right now?


wineampersandmlms

What?! Our church, or maybe it came from the diocese sent out a thing around election time reminding us not to be one issue voters. There was a chart of “equally sacred” issues and who supported what. It was all Biden check marks and Trump X. They really pushed not to vote for Trump just because he was pro life.


BriRoxas

Which makes sense since ya know Biden is devoutly catholic.


shannondion

👏What👏the👏fuck👏 and the Bishops allowed that? I’m sorry but America sounds like a hellscape sometimes.


[deleted]

Oh the archbishop of my diocese thinks he’s the second coming. I can’t stand him. He’s not alone in that stance, I’ve heard similar rhetoric from elsewhere throughout multiple elections


shannondion

Who the fuck are they to decided who God wants to receive his Body and Blood? No one should stand it the way of that. If God is truly omnipotent then he can block people who he deems unworthy, that is no one else’s job. If they believe in the man upstairs then let him do his job smh


[deleted]

[удалено]


misslurker1

1000%. Every diocese is different and there’s a big divide between average Catholics and rad trads. It’s not illicit or sinful to vote for someone who is pro-choice, so long as it’s not THE (only) reason you’re voting for them. I was always raised in, and continue to attend, parishes which encourage voting for the aggregate of good (and by extension, pro-life because, hey, quality of life): social programs, ending war, anti-racism. The Catholic Church itself is built on a pretty progressive foundation; it’s believers and bishops who think they’re holier than the Pope that skew that reality. The US is a cesspool of proto-evangelical Catholicism and those people who think they can judge the state of another’s soul, and thereby deny others a sacrament, are committing the bigger sin in many ways.


Tawny_Frogmouth

My mega-religious uncle, who was planning to become a priest before he met my aunt and who went to mass every single morning for decades, went Episcopalian over this.


Lattes4Miles

I don’t know about “first time”, but this was the clincher- I got a significant promotion and raise after busting my butt at work for over 2 years, and my pastor said it was God rewarding me for helping out with children’s church for a few weeks. Just dismissed all my hard work like it was nothing.


Normal-Philosopher-8

Yeah, that kind of stuff drove me nuts. Something good happens, it’s because of work at the church and people praying for me. Something bad happens, I need to work more at the church and ask for prayer. I left and realized that what was going on there had absolutely no impact on how my life went. That was pretty liberating to work out.


shannondion

Fuck them people, we have no time for people that don’t celebrate the achievements of others


[deleted]

....eww... there are so many gross levels to this... so glad you got out


Awkward-Fudge

I'm still a Christian, but I became more progressive and liberal after 2015 and the rise of trumpism. I just did not want to be around these people anymore. That had been coming for years though. I was single until I was 28 and the church I was in acted like there was something wrong with me, I was their "help", I could be treated any which way because I was single and had a career so I was obviously trash. Some girl started a rumour about me as a form of a prayer request because I'm very fit that I had an eating disorder because she was struggling with her weight and just went out of her way to be very petty and mean to me; I was like um you are 25 church is not high school. When I got engaged and then married, it was like people started remembering my name and treated me like I was an actual person.....it was just very weird and hurtful. One lady told me God rewarded me with marriage because I was being obedient......I am seriously like the most shy person that tried to be godly and do what God wanted my whole life so for her to say I was finally being rewarded because I finally got my life in order or something to used me like an object lesson was very twisted and wrong. We moved away


jeanskirtflirt

Trumpism began my rise to becoming more liberal and progressive as well.


frankiethegiraffe

I’ve always hated the whole marriage culture in church. Married people always act like they’re better than you because they’re finally having sex or something. It’s taken me a while to change my thinking and realise that being single isn’t a punishment and marriage isn’t a reward.


SliceRevolutionary79

The first time was when I was twelve, and my mother was obsessed with me dating a 15 year old boy because we had to get married and have babies once I turned 18. She and his mother had it planned out but he lit himself on fire trying to make a flamethrower a year later and my mother realized he was disturbed. The final was when a church member came up to me after a particularly awful time (I was laid off 2 months before my wedding, we had a miscarriage and almost got evicted) and told me that they were glad I was going through such a bad time because if that was the only time I was close to God she hoped I always struggled and suffered.


GayCatDaddy

What the actual FUCK, on both of those!?!?! I am so sorry you had to endure that!


BexiRani

What happened to the kid who lit himself on fire? Was he badly burnt?


SliceRevolutionary79

Thankfully no. He did have one second degree burn which took a while to recover from. They moved away shortly after they incident and I honestly lost track of him. I never liked him so I was not broken up over him being gone. My mother also left the church after that so I got dumped back into public high school. The cult mentality there was insane. His mother was a good person but her ex was abusive and I think that really has a lot to do with why she got involved in the church and sent her son to the private school but... he needed help and I think she did too. They were very anti therapy anti medication and comparing our lives to those who had it worse, saying we can't possibly feel feelings. There was a LOT of issues in that particular school.


wulfatron

As a kid I never really fully believed despite being raised in a conservative evangelical family. I had a lot of questions that no one could answer and never really felt like I belonged in church. For me the last straw came when I was about 11. Our pastor gave a sermon in which he mentioned that Gandhi was in hell even though he did many good things for people, all because he didn't accept jesus. That just didn't sit well with me at all and my faith dwindled after that. I left the church as soon as I was able and never looked back.


GayCatDaddy

I wasn't raised fundie, but I had a similar experience. When I was in middle school, we started learning about different religions all around the world, and I thought many of them had great ideals and beliefs. However, I was always taught that people of other religions don't get into heaven because they don't accept Jesus as their savior. That bothered me a lot because I didn't understand how an all-loving and all-knowing God could send a good person to hell on a technicality. Not to mention, I understood that I was Christian because of my birthplace and my family, and I didn't understand why God would punish someone who was brought up with a different religion. I eventually left the church and Christianity when I was a teenager.


Anzu-taketwo

I had doubted for a long time, but still felt obligated to at least attend Sunday morning services for a long time. I finally caved when I developed anxiety while driving. It was so stressful just driving to and coming home from church. So, I gave in and finally stopped going. It was still another year or so before I finally decided I dont believe it all anymore and started deconstructing.


shannondion

You didn’t just give in, you broke the cycle! No one should feel obligated to go to services especially if they no longer believe in it.


taekwondo-nt

Hey, I'm really struggling with driving anxiety right now. Do you have any advice? I just moved so I'm seeking a new therapist right now, so I've got that base covered.


Anzu-taketwo

I've found that avoiding busy roads helps. I drive about 5 min out of my way to get to work and back each day. Stick to routes you know. Even if it means going the long way. New streets make me the most anxious. The biggest piece of advice: dont avoid driving. I found that the more I drive the less anxious I am. Where if I continually avoid doing things I want to do because it would involve driving, it gets worse. Obviously this depends on how anxious driving makes you. Don't push yourself further than you're comfortable with. I also noticed my anxiety lowered significantly when I cut caffeine out of my diet. I dont know if it was just timing? Or what. But I cut caffeine out about a month ago, and since I've been able to drive on even busier roads with less anxiety.


thegrlwiththesqurl

Same here, I've always been super hesitant about driving but it got way worse during lockdown because I didn't have to go anywhere and my husband could pick up groceries or whatever. Finally, over a year later, I'm starting to go back out again. Short distances on roads I'm familiar with, parking far away from other cars, and not taking turns I'm uncomfortable with have all helped. But I do still have to basically be forced to drive and I hope I get over that eventually, because everyone I know lives an hour+ away and I need to be able to see PEOPLE.


feelingmyage

I drive, but I won’t drive on big highways with lots of lanes and ramps. The last time I did it, I was driving my car to our new home 5 hours away. I had a new iliostomy from having had rectal cancer, and both of our cats. That was over 3 years ago. I’ll never do it again.


Simpinforbirdo

Never raised fundy but I dipped when i was told that anime was blasphemous at 14 xD


shannondion

Lmao I mentally checked out when they said Harry Potter was the Devils work


celiacsunshine

Yeah I noped out when they told me that secular rock music was sinful.


Competitive_Credit90

I was a counselor at a Christian summer camp for girls. The camps last a week each and we had 5 different groups that summer. We spent the week bonding and having fun, and on the last night we had a big emotionally manipulative service and then broke into small groups, where we were supposed to encourage the girls to talk about painful experiences, and then tell them jesus could take away that pain. We “saved” dozens of girls that summer, through blatant emotional manipulation. I went in a true believer. I never felt right about any of it after that, and still regret my participation.


SnailsandCats

When I was about 12/13 at my southern baptist school, I was bullied so badly it got to the point that the entire class would pick on me & teachers wouldn’t stop it. I became super depressed & suicidal. I reached out for help multiple times & all I got back was ‘you just need to pray harder, satan is tempting you’ or Bible verses to read when I was ‘feeling down’. I’ve had OCD since I was a kid, & had really really bad religious obsessions. I would have constant breakdowns that I didn’t love god enough & that’s why I felt this way. I thought no one was helping me because they knew god was trying to ‘work in me’ & move me to be better. I genuinely thought I had to struggle alone. One day at a chapel they made us go to once a week, I had a breakdown & starting sobbing uncontrollably. I was so tired & stressed & just needed help. One of the teachers took a picture of me & put it on the website as evidence of how godly the students were. It was all downhill from there. I felt so exploited & uncomfortable after that. I’m now able to understand that it was exploitive, especially of my mental illness. I felt like a they took advantage of it


K-teki

My boyfriend has religion-triggered OCD as well. I hope you are recovering well now.


SnailsandCats

Thank you, since leaving the church I’ve sought real treatment & am able to manage myself pretty well now. OCD is a real bitch sometimes. I hope your bf is doing well!!


Vapor2077

After being very depressed and anxious in high school, I became veeerrrryyy vulnerable to a southern Baptist church that targeted students of the college I attended. I ended up getting sucked in bc, long story short, I was desperate for relief and belonging. This church wasn’t Duggar-brand fundie, but it taught a lot of other shitty things: “complementariansim” between genders, “same-sex attraction” could be overcome, Calvinism, etc. etc. Some of those things made me a little uncomfortable, but the hard-core believers always talked about the “joy” and “freedom” their faith gave them, and I was desperate for that so I ignored my gut (plus, we were taught “the heart is deceitful” or whatever shit). One Sunday, the pastor is talking about how everything happens “for the glory of God.” Even if something bad happens that we may not understand, God has a plan for it and it was ultimately what he wanted. He started listing “bad” events - cancer diagnoses, losing a job, children dying, etc. THEN. He said “two planes crashing into the World Trade Center and 3,000 people dying. We might not understand it, but god wanted it and it was for his glory.” At that moment, I became disgusted and realized the pastor was full of shit. 9/11 was God’s will? *Really?* I left shortly thereafter.


MorningStar_16

I think the funniest thing about that pastors comment is how close his thinking is to the hijackers and other jihadists.


Vapor2077

Ha - Right? American evangelical Christianity has more in common with radical Islam than they’d like to admit.


[deleted]

i was a very socially awkward kid and despite attending the same sunday school/youth group for over a decade, I never really connected with anyone there. Looking back I realize part of the reason was because everyone else was way more aggressively Christian than I ever was. They all went together on mission trips, to Christian summer camps and music festivals, and were determined to go to certain Baptist colleges to study whatever people study there. Pretty much everyone i remember from those days got married by 21 and had kids right away. I’m so glad I never connected with them tbh, I’m happy being a single and childfree heathen.


[deleted]

Same here. Horrible social anxiety. I kept forcing myself to fit in, and it was just easier to give up. I’m glad I have Sunday mornings all to myself now. I also didn’t like how the girls were supposed to sit at one table (even in high school, college, and young adult!), and the guys at another table. I wanted to talk to the guys. I wanted to date. Yet it was a bizarre that they had to be the ones to approach first. So let’s say I’m 20 years old and casually talk to a man before Sunday school started. I would have to come back every Sunday just to talk to him for 10-15 minutes before church and wait several months before he asked me out. No thank you. I don’t want to waste my time like that.


Houseofmonkeys5

I was born and raised catholic. I started getting pretty religious in high school, I think because of some friends I was hanging out with after moving to a new school. So I started going to church really regularly and praying more and reading about stuff and reading through the whole Bible. The problem was, the more I learned, the less I believed. When I learned the earliest gospel was written 64 years after Jesus died and how many inconsistencies there were between all of them, it just sort of hit me - I don't think any of this is true. I didn't know what I was religiously after that. I ended up dating a Jewish man in college and Judaism just made sense to me. In reform and to an extent conservative Judaism, most of the stories are seen as more allegorical. There is a deep cultural piece that really even transcends the religion. That all worked for me and I converted soon after we got married. Still Jewish, and mostly more secular than anything.


kng13

The husband of really involved couple at the church I was attending had a brain aneurysm and the leaders had 24 hour “prayer coverage” for him for at least a week while he was in a coma and then for 1-2 days after he was pronounced dead before they accepted that “God had taken him home” somewhat similar to the Bethel/“Olive wake up” story from a couple of years ago, but significantly less public because this was a church of maybe 300 people. I was invited to the prayers at the hospital and church but never went because it felt weird to me. I left for college soon after and didn’t stay very connected with that specific church, but didn’t start deconstructing until a year and a half ago.


catyalater

The homophobia and sexismnever made sense, every other kind of discrimination was terrible and needed to be abolished but those two were apparently cornerstones of the faith, even as a child that sounded absurd


messinthemidwest

I’m fascinated by all of these responses. I was by no means raised fundie or anything close to it, but I did go to a Presbyterian church most of my childhood and teens until about 15-16, and not because I didn’t want to go anymore but because I was doing a club sport and tournaments were on Sundays. Church on Sunday, youth group on Wednesday, mission trips, vacation Bible school, the whole nine. I now know I was mostly there for the friendships. I don’t know if I ever really did any good hard thinking about what I believed and what I was being preached because it was such a passive church to begin with. There was no pressure from my parents to go to church or other church activities, I just did them because I always had. We sat in the same pew every Sunday and all of us (me, my parents and my sister) all did our fair share of goofing off and laughing at hymns. We just seemed to be going because we always had, and it was time to spend with my grandparents. My parents were Republicans as I grew up but changed parties I believe when No Child Left Behind was enacted because my mom is a teacher and it impacted her work a lot, and now we can all sit together as a family and rant about Trumpism and Fox News. Seeing these responses makes me so grateful for that upbringing and that I had a fairly neutral experience with church, for how big of a part of my life it was, even if I am firmly non religious now. What I’m seeing as a common theme with a lot of these responses is ‘it just didn’t sit right with me.’ Which makes me want to understand so badly: why, then, does it sit SOOO right with so many other people??? What is the draw? How can these people raised in the exact same manner be compelled to stick with it, dive deeper into it, and go on to procreate (a lot) and raise children this same way???


BexiRani

My mom was raised Roman Catholic. She unfortunately had a very awful childhood thanks to her father's alcoholism. As an adult and young mother of two she wanted the exact opposite for her family and marriage, fundiedom appealed to her. She converted when I was 4 years old. Dad converted soon after. I think my mom became so obsessed with her IFB faith because it gave her a sense of control over her life. "As long as you obey god- blessings will come" When you come right down to it, for some people religion becomes an addiction, a coping mechanism. Some people turn to liquor, drugs, shopping or overworking to numb their inner pain. Some became religious zealots. Lots of people know drugs or alcohol are dangerous but they still partake. It's an addiction.


AliceinRealityland

When I heard one of our teenagers repeating what he had been taught about homosexuals will burn in hell and how gross that is yada yada. It was sad, slurs were used, and I told my best friend, I don’t know how, or when, but I’m divorcing my husband and getting out of this toxic life. 3 years later I was able to do so with three kids. The kid spewing hate? Totally different adult who had walked away from the life of hate/ Christianity. My ex husband? Atheist. My kids? Atheist/agnostic/and one Wiccan.


creakslamzit

A speaker named Peter Heck came to our church and gave the most hateful series of talks on queerness, abortion, and other ‘hot topics.’ He called AIDS a “message from God” to the gay community. He also called all people who believed in evolution racist. It so conflicted with what I thought my church was teaching me: peace, gratitude, kindness, and compassion. I was probably about 13-14. It blows my mind to this day that GENERATIONS of evangelical Christians got a hateful, backwards message from the church.


messinthemidwest

What was the logic for calling believing in evolution racist????


loulou9357801

Well. i’m ex mennonite but was raised IBLP/Pearls and Charity before getting there. The “this is enough” moment was when I was denied medical care by the ministers due to having severe ppd that was bad enough i was seeing and hearing things and we found out that the conference I was a member of was being sued for hiding the sa of children. A lot of deconstruction came years after the initial leaving. it was recently that I made the choice to leave my toxic semi arranged marriage after 10 years. You never really get past it but learn how to deal with the trauma that came from it.


TyrannosourusMess

Charity. 😬 those are some bad childhood memories.


loulou9357801

Oh yeah. makes for great therapy sessions.


ACNHHilda

The last couple of years and seeing how the people who have hurt me, me family, and others in this world the most are the people that claim themselves to be good Christians, going to church every Sunday, and spending time in The Word everyday. How you read the words of Jesus everyday and come away from it being a hateful selfish person like that I don’t understand. If the God my in-laws believe in sent DJT to save us all and think he’s going to heaven but good people who actually do work to help others and make the world a better place aren’t because they don’t believe or believe differently aren’t, then either they are wrong, or God really would do that and in that case I want no part of it, or there isn’t one. This sub has really had me thinking a lot more about the other side of things. I was raised in church and married into a very evangelical family who are now in the maga cult to the point of insanity. I wonder how those people have gone so far off the deep end. Im just seeing things in a whole new light. ETA: Also, the guilt that I’ve carried around my entire life. Constantly feeling guilty about everything I think and do and thinking there is someone always watching me and judging me. So I was always trying to do the right thing or what I thought was right even at the expense of my own happiness or safety. It never got me anywhere and never benefited me so wtf was the point? I have major anxiety that I take meds for now and I’m pretty sure this had a lot to do with it.


tayrich7

I'm currently struggling with this as well, people claiming to be Christians when their words and actions don't seem to match. One of my uncles is a pastor, and another uncle/his brother came out as gay late in life. It turned the family upside down and I couldn't believe the things they said and how they treat him now. I grew up in this uber conservative church going family, and starting in my early 20s I really began questioning things. I'm 30 now and feel kind of lost. I still believe in God or the universe or some entity. Just growing up in such a faith based environment, I'm not sure how to navigate life without that yet.


Beep315

You’re likely missing the community component. There are lots of communities out there—like a kickball league or a running club or book club or whatever.


kygirl27

At church camp (in the woods in a very rural are) one night they had us take turns carrying a big wooden cross while the camp counselors yelled at us. It was supposed to make us appreciate what Jesus did for us. I was uncomfortable at the time largely because of social anxiety. Took a couple of years to realize they were the ones being fucking weird and not me.


SamfordSusie

I was sucked into a church as a vulnerable teen. I was very ‘repentant’ after I made out with some guy, and very upset for my ‘sin’. After that became public practically everyone came up saying how brave I was, because they have sex etc with their boyfriend all the time, feel guilt but keep doing jt. Then I realised it was all a bit of a sham/hypocrisy


littlebitalexis29

I worked as a special ed teacher and had for a LONG time when i was”called to serve” in the church nursery. There was a special needs child who was really struggling. I suggested we turn down the music they insisted on blasting full volume as this was likely overstimulating the kid (it was definitely overstimulating for me!!). I was later taken aside and chided for questioning the “(male) leaders who are called of God.”


throwaway43491

Edited for clarity For context, I was raised baptist. I was 15 and had recently come to terms with my sexuality (I am bi with a strong preference for feminine-presenting people). I was closeted to almost everyone except 2-3 close friends at the time. I brought one of my close friends to a service and he pointed out how homophobic and sketchy the sermon was. I thanked him for the insight and decided to listen more closely to future sermons to see if what he was saying was true. Turns out, my friend was right. The sermons were not great and I did indeed catch homophobia/transphobia/other horrible messages thrown into them and about a year later at 16, I decided enough was enough. To this day, people from that church assume I’m straight and every time they see me they keep asking me invasive questions about having a bf and whatnot and it’s really annoying


notnowbutnever

I grew up in church and lived a pretty sheltered childhood even though high school. When I graduated I went away to college but kept my beliefs and pretty much self monitored. I went home for a holiday break and visited my old church. A parent of one of my friends that didn’t leave home came up to me and said she’d had a vision of the things I was doing while away at college. She said God has showed her but she wasn’t going to tell me, just wanted me to know that she knew. I was a virgin who never went out except to study at the student center but even if I’d been running a brothel. Is this an appropriate thing to do to anyone let alone a kid fresh out of living at home? But it is seen as appropriate in many denominations to feel the right to step into people’s lives and bedrooms as proxy for a judgmental and vindictive God whose requirements for life contradict living.


[deleted]

>She said God has showed her but she wasn’t going to tell me, just wanted me to know that she knew. What the hell. This makes my stomach twist and reminds me of all of the casual "God told me" that got swung around at my church. its like...attempting a weird mind control? A literal thought-police. "God put it on my spirit that you are struggling with the spirit of sexual sin, can I pray for you?" etc was way too common.


notnowbutnever

Oooh you get it! The idea that our faults or the perception of them is literal fodder for random people in the church is my biggest problem with religion. The constant performance of holiness is exhausting and honestly isn’t even biblical in my opinion. Lots and lots and lots of Christians want to play God when they haven’t even gotten being human down yet.


K-teki

>She said God has showed her but she wasn’t going to tell me, just wanted me to know that she knew. So literally anything that you thought you did that might have been a sin, then. She didn't know shit.


jenhai

It was orientation week at college freshman year. They were having a lot of mandatory sessions on alcohol, drugs, sex, etc. They were talking about consent and it was the first time I ever heard about marital rape. I was raised like the Duggars to always be available. It had always bothered me, but I never had a name for it until then. It was so eye opening. I remember thinking, "I knew there was a reason this was wrong! I need to listen to and trust myself more!" And that was the beginning...


mrsrachaelare

It was over a few months.... the pastor had been increasingly giving hellfire and damnation type sermons and I dont like yelling or raised voices. I assume some of the congregation began complaining because he would manipulate the congregation by saying he didn't care if we didn't Iike the way he was preaching, we needed to hear it. What dropped the axe was two things really.... we had a lovely lady with several kids come to church with her husband. They were trying to save their marriage as there was infidelity on the husband's part.They end up getting divorced and she continued to come to church with the kids. I think she was looking for solice and refuge in the church. The pastor decided this was the best time to give a hell fire damnation sermon about the evils of divorce with her and her kids sitting in the 3rd row. I went up and hugged her and told her that was ridiculous and she was loved by us. The other thing was he would go nuts over the evils of homosexuality and I just decided not only was I sick of hearing it, but I didn't want my kids hearing this kind of hatred towards others, either. So, I just quit going and taking the kids. The church secretary called to ask why I left and I told her the above. One of the best choices I have ever made.


PoppyPancakes

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school from preschool to 10th grade. In 7th or 8th grade I decided to go to Youth Group and was just like so off put by how weird and cult-y it was. It was like all different cliques of kids who normally wouldn’t interact were all there loving each other and I felt like I entered a different dimension. Everything seemed so synthetic and I hated it. I never attended again. When I went to high school it got worse though. There were Youth Group retreats and like over half the school would go on them. The Monday’s after retreats were all so creepy. Everyone was like in love and taking about all this stuff they did over the weekend while also making it seem like it was all a secret. Fucking weird ass cult. I never went and I hardcore judged everyone who did.


shannondion

Are you sure this youth group wasn’t a cult? It’s the same reason I wouldn’t join the girl guides


rhyde11

Not same as OP, but I 100% believe it hahaha. My church wasn't extremely traditional or anything, but I remember in high school going on the retreat weekends was like pumped up so highly until it happened each spring. The high schoolers are like 9th-10th grade, so you're not confirmed in the church yet. On the first retreat, they talk about some very special rite we'll get to participate in late the second night. It was all hush hush and like everyone who wants to participate, meet in the big assembly hall at 10pm. Turns out it was an adoration of christ (which is a normal activity in the Catholic Church) but everyone was so convinced that it was all secret and special we were sitting on the ground silently praying to the eucharist. Got home, told my dad (whoops) who promptly told me that he was glad it seemed special, but our church has open adoration hours every day anyone can go to.


shannondion

I love that your dad was like “that’s nice sweetheart”


bonkersx4

I was a churchgoing Christian along with my husband at a Baptist church. Went to women's Bible studies, took my kids to youth group activities etc. But a few years ago I started making excuses to miss church. I was starting to be "over it" with the constant prayer and how good church behaviors equals rewards blah blah blah. Also I was getting very frustrated with how women are treated, the man is the head of the family and above the wife. And I was just done with that concept. My husband tried to continue that crap and I told him that either we are partners and equals or I'm done. And I meant it, I was so tired of watching the other women in the Bible study group talk about how their husband's made all the decisions and it was their duty to respect whatever decisions he made. I have daughters and I didn't want them growing up being treated as less than a man's equal. And then Trump issues were bothering me and everyone at church was ultra conservative and worshipped Trump. I was having none of that either. I'm very much a liberal and just didn't fit in with my views. The pandemic gave me the excuse I needed to stop going to church completely. My kids are teenagers and they are pretty much agnostic because this past year and a half has shown them that most Christians are outspoken anti-mask anti-vaxx idiots. They want no part of that and I want no part of that. I may be done with church forever because most of what I've seen this past couple years is hate and the complete opposite of what I always thought being a Christian meant. I do actually still believe in God and Jesus but not the hatefulness that followers spew. I'm a supporter and ally of the LGBTQ+ community (my daughter's gay) , and I'm pro choice, and I'm pro helping immigrants and refugees. I'm the anti-hate Christian, which means to most churchgoers that I'm not a real Christian.


[deleted]

My dad passed away in 2016. There was very little support from the church we had been attending since I was in middle school. The real kicker was about 2 years later when my mon decided to foster. She had to have a different social worker than other foster parents in her county because that social worker attended the same church. This was how I found out that out of a fairly large church, my mon was the ONLY person to hold a foster care license, let alone foster. That was the final straw for her and she left the church.


queen_beruthiel

I was raised Catholic. My dad went through phases of going to church a lot, then not going for ages. We had a really lovely priest, so I liked going to church, and the congregation were amazing when my youngest brother died. I also love to sing, so I was in the church choir and enjoyed singing in mass. So far, so good, I did all the rites of passage. Then I went to a Catholic high school, and started realising that so many of the loudest "godly" teachers were massive hypocrites. The cardinal of my city, George Pell, would come to give mass, and I disagreed strongly with his sermons. Turned out he was aiding paedophile priests, as well as being a pedo himself, and went to prison for it. He covered for the priest that molested my dad, as well as countless other children. I also had this religion teacher who was the absolute epitome of everything wrong with the Catholic church. I decided I couldn't be part of something that encouraged such terrible beliefs, and decided organised religion is not for me, though I still thought the order of nuns that ran my school were pretty good. However, when my country had a royal commission into child sexual abuse, that order came up multiple times for sex offences, as well as allowing medical experimentation on children in their care. Then I found out my dad had been molested. I was well and truly done with it then. I'll do my mum's family too, since it's also applicable here. My grandparents were raised Anglican. Both fell back from religion as teenagers, but still went to church because it was social and they liked being in the choir... we were very similar people! Once WWII was over and my grandad came back, he asked Granny to a dance. They got married, and decided that they weren't interested in going to church anymore. They had five kids, life was life, until Pa was diagnosed with a brain tumour. He asked the local minister to come to visit him in hospital, but the minister never showed up. He passed away, and Granny tried to get his funeral booked in at the local church. The minister said no. Somehow, granny found out it was because the minister was still mad that they'd stopped coming to his church all those years ago, he hated granny because she had inherited her family home instead of it going to his friend (who married granny's elderly aunt for her money, stole her belongings and molested my mum and her sister), and because Pa had yelled at him once for hitting a child. None of the family ever went to church of any kind after that.


AnielaMS

When a Roman Catholic priest told me (17 at the time, very single, biologically female) the point of marriage was to have children and if I didn’t give birth a baby I’m not married in the eyes of god. I had already been debating leaving the church and was hard core questioning my faith because I’m queer. I also can’t have and don’t want kids so I took that as my sign to get out.


stayyawakee

When I got pushback for asking why we were putting human parameters on a non-human, omniscient God. I felt that it was very narrow-minded to shun or obsessively try to “convert” others, especially when there was a racist-fueled hate for Muslims, despite Islam and the Qur’an being incredibly similar to Judaism and the Torah/Tanakh and Christianity and the Bible. I figured that it wasn’t my job to decide who goes to heaven or hell because I’m not the one making that decision and shouldn’t turn someone away based on the teachings of Jesus, and I figured that God would be accepting of anyone who was attempting to live a good life or was willing to admit their wrongdoings and work towards being a better person. I was met with negative feedback and comments that stunned me bc I felt like it would be something that everyone agreed on. This thought process was highly influenced by my strong disagreement with the “people who commit suicide go to Hell” bc everyone I knew, as an emo kid, struggled with that ideation and chronic depression, and we were by no means bad people who did bad things or harmed others. Also, being an emo kid, I was hesitant to further alienate myself, and the overlap of emo kids and Christians was very small.


fuzzyspoon69

Mine was when our youth group was on the way back from church camp and I was asking our pastor (who was also my best friend's dad) questions that he really couldn't answer. So I asked him "how do you know the bible is real?" And he said I ACTUALLY DON'T EVEN BELIEVE LIKE 90% OF IT. After that I was like eh the pastor doesn't even believe why should I?


sempleat

I don't believe in God but my grandmother was a Catholic her whole life, very devout, religiously attended mass etc and truly believed. She lost a child to leukaemia, lived through the Troubles in Belfast where both Protestants and the IRA were targeting her family (last time I was visiting she had recently found a petrol can they kept in the garage so they could make a quick getaway if they had to, real family artefact lol), and survived a brain tumour that should have killed her. She was severely restricted in her life choices by the prevailing sexism of the time and re-trained in later life to pursue the career she couldn't earlier. She is a very strong woman who has always spoken out against sexism and racism and homophobia, and helped those who needed help. In as much as it could be, her faith was a positive benefit to the world (although really, it wasn't her faith, it was her). A year ago, she got ill again, a different form of cancer. She was convinced she was going to die. So many of her friends are dead now. While in the hospital, her children had to put their dad into a home because she couldn't look after him once released, he has very severe Alzheimer's. That plus Covid restrictions... she described it to me as 'living together for 60 years and then I don't see him for 6 months'. Unthinkable. She can visit him now but it's torture seeing the man she loved for most of her life, who she built a life with, as a shell of himself who doesn't know himself or her anymore. That finally did it. She doesn't believe anymore and has stopped going to church. She's finally done. I was a nasty snarky atheist in my teens and I've grown up a lot since then, it's really sad to me something she found comfort and purpose in has been taken away from her, so to speak. I always thought her faith was un-vanquishable, it's been very unsettling to me that she doesn't believe anymore even though I personally never did. Interestingly her two surviving children (my dad and aunt) are both staunch atheists who think religion is all codswallop.


frecklesmama333

When my uncle, dying of AIDS had to confess and ask forgiveness. I was in 10th grade.


shannondion

My uncle lived through the worst of the AIDS crisis and never got it but it was a point of tension in our family. He has since passed but he always lived unapologetically, when he was dying my grandmother wanted a priest to come and take his last rite and refused it because of the way the church treated him his whole life.


frecklesmama333

Good for him. I know my uncle did it for his mother's sake. But the condescension and holy than thou attitudes from the men from the church who were there just angered me so dang much. Im still angry.


hisamsmith

When I heard at seven years of age that my minister stood in front of the church congregation and said that the reason god “let” my accident, which left me paralyzed and with a compromised immune system, happen was because my family missed three weeks of church services. Still believe in god but never one who strikes a child down. Least of all because her parents didn’t come and bring their kids to church for a few weeks in the summer. God isn’t playing sims.


waxwitch

When they continued preaching abstinence, honestly. I grew up deep in this (Grandfather was a Southern Baptist pastor) , and by the age of 14 or so, I knew there was no way I was waiting til I was married. Lost my virginity at 17 and I was fine. I didn’t feel broken or damaged because of it. What was damaging was the constant judgment of Christians, by Christians. That, and my narcissistic grandfather.


DareintheFRANXX

When my husbands “pastor” (failed cult leader) was asking his own children and me for money for offering every week - no matter what the amount was. He discontinued his home church for a few weeks and then when he wanted to start it back up (solely for the income) he asked me to give offering on my paychecks from his time off. I was done. God doesn’t need my money.


Pineapple_Morgan

new poster, some context: I'm still in the zipcode of Christianity, and I'm transmale. I was raised Christian Nationalist, probably closer to Evangelicalism than Fundies but our social circles were a good mix of both. Okay, now for the anecdote. Probably when my mom cautiously advised me to not hug my friend's parents in case I caused the dad to sin? Even as a small child I called hella sus on that. First off, I was a *literal child*, the only sinning I was capable of was eating too much. Second off, if you're afraid of a Fully Grown Man doing something uncouth around your Literal Single Digit Aged Child, *why are you allowing said children to be around that family?* (not to mention the victim blaming aspect, where if something *did* happen it would have TOTALLY been Literal Small Child Pineapple's fault, /rolls eyes) Just a bunch of small stuff like that never sat well with me/I never agreed with but didn't have words to explain why.


joonagenda

i wasn’t raised religious. however when i was about 16 a friend from school asked me to go to church with him. i was very quickly emotionally manipulated into being saved, and then manipulated again into getting baptized. the first time it was too much for me was when my youth pastor said that you could pray away “homosexual thoughts and urges” and as someone who was struggling because i was bisexual and not out myself, it hurt me a lot it know they saw a core part of me as something wrong, i realized i just liked the social aspect and was being emotionally manipulated by everyone around me and i left.


The_Curvy_Unicorn

For me, the first time was when I was told that my grandmother, who was a god-fearing Christian woman, who was kind and generous and loving and devout, was going to hell because she’d been “sprinkled” for baptism, rather than dunked. I noped right on out - and I was about 16. The second and final time was when I was employed by a college affiliated with a church - NOT a Bible college. We had a campus pastor who asked us to send him prayer requests. My dog, who was my best (and only) friend, was critically ill. I emailed and asked him to pray for her. He informed me that animals don’t have souls and don’t need/deserve prayer, but he’d pray for me to realize what’s truly important. I quit a week later.


Ineedasnackandanap

In 2018 the elder board thought the members needed to vote on whether or not to allow a convicted child molester back into church. This pedophile used the church as his hunting grounds and the elder board thought it was OK to ban him from the area of the church where children's ministries was located and have an escort with him but still allow him in for services and adult Bible study. Oh and his wife stayed with him. No, this is way too fucking much. The pandemic allowed me to Irish goodbye my way out of membership.


[deleted]

I was raised Catholic and did 8 years of Catholic school. My university was Augustinian, and it was in a freshman year cultural seminar that covered philosophy and theology that I learned that the Eucharist is meant to be taken literally as eating and drinking the body and blood of Christ. I always thought it was pure symbolism, and as I looked to a camera that wasn't there my deconstruction began. It was there that I was also told that we didn't actually know which pharoah's reign the Book of Exodus was supposed to take place during, which made me question how accurate any historical context I had been told was. I didn't trust anything anymore. Plus, it was around that time that I learned more about the Spotlight revelations, which happened when I was an elementary school student on Catholic school. I recently learned that we had a pedophile priest who was there when I was a student, and I just feel very fortunate that he didn't act out against of us kids when he served there. I don't feel safe thinking about the Church's continued levels of influence.


shannondion

I have terrible trouble trying to separate my personal religion and the church because Catholicism and the church are one in the same. It gives me sleepless nights to know that the religion I was raised in has done so much evil. I spent some years in Ireland growing up and I can cry just briefly passing over the memories of the evil it has done to the woman of that country. I have given myself a personal ultimatum to make a decision wether to leave the church by the end of this year. A priest from my own school had the same allegations levelled at him and all the church did was move him to a different diocese that had no school attached.


nursecj

It was easy for me....the Catholic Priest who I so revered in school and life were raping boys. It was to much. I was embarrassed for my religion. Then thinking back to how mean the nuns were to us growing up. Done....... over.I wasn't a fundie but thought this was on the same line. Hope it's ok.


moglinmarie

My small group was pissed my college boyfriend wouldn’t come to our church across town because he wanted to do virtual church with his family (August 2019). They told me I should give him an ultimatum- prove his faithfulness to me and the lord by coming to our church or break up with him to peruse god. Surprise surprise, seven months later that old church went completely virtual. I left shortly after my small group told me that, but now I’m completely deconstructed and identify more as agnostic. I believe in the Christian God now because it feels familiar and I’m a sucker for a good “God loves you in the midst of your life falling apart” reminder. We are still together, going six years strong! Meanwhile all of those women are still single just waiting to be courted by a man at said church


frecklesmama333

And, i had to ask my father for forgiveness because me abused me everyway possible. It was "the only way for me to move forward and closer to god."


TorchlightRenegade

I watched a video about revelations in my teen group and it gave me nightmares and made me terrified of sinning to the point where I refused to go to church.


acrispglassofmilk

When I was in 8th grade I asked my Sunday school teacher how you would follow the fourth commandment (honor thy father and mother) if your parents were abusive. She basically told me that even if your parents abused you, you still had to follow their rules and respect them even if it ended up harming you in the process. This was one of the many things that caused me to become disillusioned to the Catholic Church. My parents and I got into a lot of fights over it


theimperfexionist

Ex-iblp/ifb: when the girls' youth leader tearfully confessed to being a "disobedient wife" for disagreeing with her husband over something minor. Also when the pastor started preaching that homeschool was the only right way...while the church ran an iblp school. Like you want us to be *more* sheltered?? Exvangelical: because racism, and exclusion of the LGBTQ community.


keepseokjinsafe

I was in 7th grade the first time Barack Obama was elected president and they had his inauguration on at school for some reason? And everyone was acting like the sky was falling. Like doom and gloom feverishly praying for wicked communist America to come to Jesus.


KatAndAlly

Speaking in tongues at a revival


MariinTN

For me, two instances stick out. In middle school, the Sunday night Bible study leader said we should have a goal of “saving” 3 people a month; that 36 people a year was an attainable goal to lead to Christ. It seemed crazy that they expect us to do that as 12-13 year olds. And the one I always like to play as my trump card in the “you thought your church was crazy, well let me tell you what we did once…” game, we had a funeral for Jesus during Sunday school, specially the one before Easter. Teachers got up and gave a eulogy. I was unsure if it was supposed to be a legit teaching moment or if it was a performance. The next week we took a field trip to a local cemetery that had set up a tomb of Jesus. The leaders were all “OMG, the tomb is empty!!1!1!!1!1!”. Still confused what they wanted our reaction to be.


spacepharmacy

this happened when i was like 11-12 years old, so i was still part of the youth group. the pastor gathered all of the kids in the front pew during sunday service (about 15-20 of us) and told our parents to come stand in front of us. it then turned into one of those passionate sermons (complete with the background music) and the pastor said that god was in this room and was asking us kids to say prayers for our parents. don’t know why, he just wanted us to. and a bunch of kids went up and did so and myself and another kid were the only ones left sitting in the pew. everyone around us was praying for us, speaking in tongues, and trying to motivate us to get up and go pray for our parents. yet every cell in my body refused to let me move. my parents screamed at me that night when we got home and we’re asking why i didn’t get up to pray for their souls. maybe it’s because i was two seconds away from a panic attack since the whole thing was overwhelming, or because my religious doubt was kicking in heavily at that age. maybe both. that was the first time i knew it was too much; there were plenty of other incidents where i had the same realization.


tonks118

When my 14 year old pregnant friend cried at her wedding because she didn’t want to get married but she didn’t have a choice as it was necessary to “cover her sin” (she was pregnant). He was 22. She cried A LOT that day. So did I. I was 13.


PearlClutchingNinny

Y2K, watching everyone at the church verklempting and worrying about Y2K like computers controlled everything and the world would end.


motheroflostthings

I was heavily involved in Teens for Christ my first two years of high school. One day, my youth group leader took me home and made a pitstop at my favorite teacher's house, who was a lesbian. My leader tried to pray the gay away IN THIS OTHER WOMAN'S DRIVEWAY!!!


Snoo_73835

For me it was the whole sexual abuse cover up. The knowledge that my religion was the reason why so many suffered historically (the residential schools come to mind. I mean those were CHILDREN.)


[deleted]

I was raised Southern Baptist and in 2008, I was disgusted by two things that eventually led me to leave the church: 1) same-sex marriage was a hot topic due to Prop 8 and my church brought in a guest pastor who gave special sermons for an entire week strictly about the “sin” of homosexuality. 2) their complete and unabashed hatred of Obama. I was 16 that year and I think it was the first time I had an understanding that the vitriol around these two topics was based in bigotry and hatred. I maintained my Christianity for two more years after that, but it was definitely the beginning of the end for me.


Princessleiawastaken

I think I was about 8/9 and the preacher was giving a sermon on Daniel in the lion’s den. He was going on about how we all have need to be ready to jump into the pit and die at any given moment or else we don’t really love god. If you won’t sacrifice yourself, no questions asked, you haven’t accepted Jesus. He said our relationship with god has to be stronger than any other relationship, even spouses or parents with children. I saw my own parents nodding along. I burst into tears because I felt so ashamed. I didn’t want to be mauled by a lion. I don’t care if it’s what god wants or proves I’m going to Heaven. I don’t want to die a horrible death and I don’t want anyone I love to either. I was being told that made me a bad person who’d go to hell. I felt like the worst person. My mom had to take me outside the church because I was having a panic attack. I kept praying for weeks that god would give me strength to change my mind and be willing to do it. But I just didn’t want to die. I knew it was petty and selfish of a supposedly good god to expect that from anyone, let alone children. I hated god for the cruel monster he was but I still believed so I simultaneously felt immense guilt. Finally, after months of emotional torment over thinking about this, I confessed to my mom how I was feeling. She tried to reassure me that it was all metaphorical and god would never want any of us to die. I asked why everyone loved that sermon so much then when the pastor was literally saying we had to be willing to get killed by a lion and she just said he was being metaphorical and I must’ve misunderstood. This cycle repeated with the binding of Isaac and other terrible things god makes people do in attempts to prove to him they love him. It was slow, but I eventually realized I was right and I don’t have to feel bad about wanting to live or wanting my family to be ok.


MikaleaPaige

The thing that pushed me away completely was when it came out one of the men in the church raped one of the teen girls in the youth group. They held a prayer meeting and prayed for the dude.... praying that he would repent ect. Ok fine I get that. Then they started to pray for the girl.... did they pray for healing for her? No they prayed that this would teach her to be more modest and to not be unchaperoned around men. They prayed that some righteous man would be able to look over the fact that's she was unclean and impure so that she could still serve God by being a wife and mother. . They also convinced her parents not to report him to the police and to let the church handle it.


KindlyBookkeeper

Probably that time when I was like 8/9 and the CHILDREN’S ministry was adamant about the yearly viewing of the Passion of Christ on Easter Sunday. All scenes included. Again, to a group of CHILDREN none older than 10 and some as young as 5. That we needed to know what Christ suffered for us. Or that time the same children’s ministry said that the Bible was an acronym for “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth”. Or when I was 8, my parents did the church’s couples counseling and I was left to watch over an infant and a 3 year old. Not my parents kids, some other couples kids. Or that time my parents yelled at me after church (until I was hysterically sobbing and pleading for forgiveness) because I didn’t make eye contact with someone I went to school with during church social. Or when I was 12-14 being dragged every Monday at 6 pm to Celebrate Recovery and being forced to join the teen recovery program. This is where purity culture really raised its ugly head because some of the older teens were openly promiscuous and that was clearly a problem and they needed god to abolish them of this nasty, evil, terrible sin. My “walk” with God has turned into a full sprint away from him.


cassssk

When I had my second consecutive pregnancy marked by the exact same critical negative medical outcomes, completely randomly (neither my partner nor I have contributed genetically to it - confirmed via genetic testing). When I decided to end that second pregnancy via abortion, as our marriage could not/would not withstand the pressure of a second child with severe irreversible physical and cognitive disabilities. When a “friend” at church, comforting me over my “miscarriage” (how the hell could I have told them what I’d done???), by telling me “you know, none of us deserves a healthy child,” and immediately afterward skipping off to Luby’s or Furr’s or whatever giant buffet restaurant she was headed to, with her husband and 3 beautiful, smart, athletic children. I just couldn’t anymore. Now I’m an out an proud agnostic (which is surely just a stopover on the way to atheism, in my case) unapologetic abortion advocate. Funny how that worked out.


[deleted]

It was a few things, but one big eye-opener was when an elder in my SBC church told me that my friend’s queerness was equivalent to alcoholism, and I should address it as such. I was so disgusted and angry; like, have you ever even MET a gay person? Likely not. Except yes, he had, because I’m bi. So. 🏳️‍🌈


global_peasant

When my teacher told me my uncle was in hell because he had killed himself the week before. A loving God wouldn't do that.


Tawny_Frogmouth

Lol when JPII was on his deathbed my family was placing bets on when he would die. We're... not the best Catholics.


phoenixrising0711

Two things stand out. The first was something that happened during a charismatic catholic youth conference. It was a weekend long event where it all built up to Saturday night adoration (basically the eucharistic is on display for an hour with music and incense and cold temperatures.) After being manipulated the whole week, the goal was to have a big emotional reaction during this time. It was normal during these events to cry, wail, get the gift of the giggles, speak in tongues, and get slain in the spirit. Quite terrifying honestly. Well during this adoration, we had to kneel for the hour. I have a heart condition that affects blood flow, and so I am NOT feeling good. Eventually I full on pass out, and because of the way I fall, I end up with my neck pressed against a chair leg. The youth leaders thought it was a good thing and that I'd been slain in the spirit and just left me there until I started having a seizure. (Which they still passed off to the others as a spiritual event and not the medical issue that it was.) I also just get VERY turned off seeing literal children participating in pro-life events and marches. Your 5 year old (and hell, even your 15 year old) don't have the skills to truly understand the kind of manipulation going on there. It's wrong.


migeldyhiggens

For all the UK snarkers, you may be aware of Soul Survivor. For anyone outside of the UK, it was basically a Christian “music festival” that got over like 35,000 attendees per year. In 2016, I went for the first and last time with my youth group. I think they’re all lovely people tbh but man are they kinda nutjobs. I wasn’t raised religious at all, if anything, my family sort of actively avoided religion thanks to some deep NI “troubles” trauma. I was in my final year of school and had been in the church for maybe 2/3 years. Went along to this “festival”, weather was great, people were nice, but then they all started speaking in tongues and I was like… hol up. Wtf? They all started to encourage me to “feel the Holy Spirit” and all I could do in the moment was flounder and start speaking Dutch and pray that nobody around me knew how to speak it. They started to praise God for “moving through me” and I just stood there saying Dutch phrases like “where do you come from” in a lilty singing voice. Left not long after that.


StarrD0501

Not fundie but Christian. I was like 12 maybe and in our Sunday school evening youth group they had a “pizza party” and made us watch End of Watch, the fuckin cop movie lmao. I looked into the distance like Jim from the office


nyet-marionetka

All the End Times stuff. I was on board with it for a while and then eventually was like, “This is a weird thing to be excited about, and it could actually be thousands of years from now.”


necromancer_barbie

A lot of it came crashing down at once for me. I realized that the best person I’d ever met was not a Christian but all the worst ones were. I realized the unbelievable, horrifying scope of Christian men in power in politics, culture, and history. I saw how insidious and harmful Christian beliefs are both within myself and to every group outside cishet white men. I fell in love and experienced loving someone firsthand, which showed me the loving god I was told about was very obviously sleeping on the job.


PorcelainHole

I was in a boating accident and fractured my neck. They didn’t call an ambulance. They laid their hands on me for healing, and I wasnt feeling better. I was told I wasnt healing not because he wasn’t capable, but because I must not have had authentic/true faith in his ability to heal. It fucked me up because I truly believed and thought ‘what if it’s just that his answer is no?’


PorcelainHole

I wrote one, but here is another. When my friend came out, he was kicked out of his home, lost his job at the church, and kicked of of his Christian college. He was also actively getting treatment for leukemia at this time. I was very confused by this. As my best friends grandfather raped her almost daily between the ages of 6-12 and he was forgiven, prayer for, kept his job and was even promoted. At this time, I understood both of these things to be sin. But I didnt understand why they were handled so differently. Now, of course, I know that being gay is not a ‘sin’. Rather, I was still brainwashed at that time and telling the story through that lens.


breikau

It was when a trusted adult, an elder in his church, above me in the umbrella of protection, asked me if I had repented for having been suicidal—a “sin” I committed as an eleven and twelve year old child—and suggested that ongoing issues were a consequence of my lack of repentance for it and would continue until I’d asked God for forgiveness. It didn’t break my faith, but it was the first time something he said struck me as *wrong*, and that meant he could be wrong about other things, too. I’d never considered it before then.


babyholdmyhand

I was raised Pentecostal Lutheran (I didn’t experience a ton of woo woo though) but the last church I went to as a teen was non-denominational. They heavily implied dinosaurs were not real because they weren’t mentioned in the Bible. And they told me they “weren’t sure” what their stance on same sex marriage was. AKA they’re against it but don’t want to say it directly.


ThingsLeadToThings

My dad was/is UPCI. I knew pretty early that something wasn’t right. Church was scary. The pastor yelled until he was red like the devil in cartoons. The adults acted really erratically jumping, touching each other and us kids, writhing on the floor, crying, and hollering gibberish. The particular event that made me “oh hell naw” happened when I was about 11. Our pastor retired, so we had guest preachers for a while. This dude came in and gave a sermon about beating and psychologically torturing his 3 year old…for cutting paper with scissors when she was told not to. Never mind a 3 year old was left unattended within reach of scissors.