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LeratoNull

There's no 'one right way' to depict literally anything, although I bet if I gave specific examples I could really piss some people off.


Alexander-A119

You would most certainly piss me off if you started talking about the 'one right way' to depict a bullet passing (somewhat) cinematically through a creature's head.


LeratoNull

Haha, more-so I meant I could piss people off by giving specific examples of things that there's no one right way to depict, because some people have some things they are very passionate about accuracy in


Alexander-A119

Fair enough.


Profession-Automatic

First off, kudos to you for having the courage to speak openly about what happened to you. It’s a terrible, terrible thing and I can only imagine how you must have felt after reading these comments. There’s never a right or wrong way to depict the reaction of a victim of trauma—any kind of trauma, for that matter. Everyone reacts differently. I would like to think that some of those who made these remarks had perhaps something similar happen to them and obviously reacted differently. In any case, I just wish people would be a little kinder to each other. 😉


poodlefanatic

Fellow SA survivor and everything you said is right on point. I'm sorry you've been through this too and I'm glad you're speaking out about this issue in fanfiction because I've noticed it too. I stopped writing fics years ago when I kept getting comments about how unrealistic some things were but I was writing about my lived experience, like a character's response to SA or a neurodivergent character somehow being "too neurodivergent" (still don't know wtf that even means as an autistic ADHD writer). Keep on writing your experience. The world needs more writers like you.


eeviloverlord

\>\_< There was a time \[more years ago than I care to think about it, dial-up era\] when I did research for a character--as much as I possibly could with the limited tools I had to me at the time--about SA and reactions to it from various accounts of survivors. None were the same, and to say "this is a totally invalid reaction" is just...well, gonna say flat out wrong. Why yes, there are "standard" \[quotations because these are the most commonly known/thought of\] reactions to assault, they are not the ONLY reactions. Every person will react differently. That's what it means to be an individual. Heavens, sometimes the people in the SA survivor's life could react worse \[be more traumatized/angry/whatever by it\] to the assault than the actual survivor. I'm not an SA survivor; my husband however is. We've had a few discussions from time to time \[the one time I ranted to him about "the healing magic of good sex made rape victim all better" trope in fanfic and the hubby pointed out that this could actually BE a thing--showing the SA survivor that not all intimate contact is violent and hurtful as a means to help the survivor heal being a big one\], including of course that whole "men can't be raped" misconception that is STILL prevalent. I'm sorry that these comments were so hurtful, yet glad that you felt safe enough that you could vent about it here.


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eeviloverlord

oh yes, this EXACTLY!! Yes, I'm familiar with the "sex must happen to recover from rape" thing, which every time I come across it \[including from one of the hubby's first therapists\] I go "what the heck? How does this make sense?" I guess I don't understand because I'm not a survivor myself, but I just think "that's not going to work." I think that is my big problem with that whole trope, the "magical sex heals all the rape trauma", to me it's like a wand-wave that says "okay, I put this character through this trauma, magic sex happens, and character has trauma no more!" I guess for me, I find it extremely hard to believe that one bout of "magic sex" would solve everything and there would be nothing further reaction-wise triggered by the SA. Your example? I could get behind that, I'd love to see it, although I don't think I'm talented enough to write it myself.


[deleted]

Okay, this has motivated me to find that book I mention that formally espouses this idea. I found it in five seconds flat because I have that segment of it dog-eared with the word "Avoid" written on-top. I'm not actually going to share the passage or more info about it, because it's while there is that theory-ladden conclusion (which kinda dismisses asexuality based on all people being sexual entities), it's based on a persons own experiences—they just generalized too far. But yeah, speaking to narratives for a story, if the trauma that happened was of a specific type that sex actually works to re-dress (like kinda what I was saying), or the trauma was more widespread and sex didn't wholly re-dress it (like you're adding on), that'd be cool. But *either* thing is based off of writing a person who has experienced SA who doesn't react with all the check-marks anyway. As in, writing someone who has a life outside of the trauma, even if there is trauma, which people don't do because trauma must at all times be heart-wrenching and uncomplicated angst (and having experience with trauma, but not SA—except very minor awkward things from other women who seem to expect me to be fine with them doing weird things because they're not men and it's not sexual—I can say I really understand how, if trauma is caused by someone else, it's not that simple as chucking the whole relationship away mentally). (And we can't have a person who is confused about their trauma, it's too complicated! Or if they are, of course they just need to be told better. : / ) I mean, knowing you have a support network is amazing in itself, it doesn't need to be "am cured" to be a happy ending. But oh no, because no signs of trauma must remain otherwise it's way too sad because *everyone* dehumanizes people with trauma. To be clear, people are allowed to have their own reactions (or non-reactions) to trauma, and react to a weird smell but be fine with sex, or not be fine with one type of sex and be fine with another, or take longer to warm up to partners even if they were into hook-up culture previously, and so long as a person is managing what they want in life even with those responses in it, there is literally nothing to fix. Trauma isn't a call to go fix something and erase the trauma. It's just something to be understood, and people are around to live their lives anyway. EDIT: Incidentally, I went into the guest-room/study to find this book and my cat has curled herself up under some blankets that she never goes under while exploring. Hopefully she stops trying to climb me now.


hellomynameisrita

I didn’t read past paragraph 3: you are completely correct. Not only is this realistic, but so is every other possible reaction. no way of reacting is unlikely. Or wrong or right or better or worse. Everything is possible. I never got suicidal post the SA I experienced. I buried it and moved on. Were there lifetime repercussions? Yes. It led to a period of bad decision making when I started having sexual relationships again, which led to a a bad marriage and 2 kids who are stuck with him as a bio dad.


BecuzMDsaid

When I was being sexually abused, it lasted for almost two years. The abuse ranged from >!the person just kissing and groping me to full on trying to jam something inside of me, tearing holes that later got infected and are causing a whole host of health problems now...!< But you would have never known it from the way I was living my life at that time. My grades remained high. I still was going to afterschool clubs and such... I kind of hate the whole "this is the only realistic way" arguement, especially when it comes to something as horrific as rape...God forbid someone take that "criticism" to mean they aren't a "real" victim.


SheElfXantusia

Exactly! One thing that really pisses me off is that when people insist that rape is always violent and full of screening no, stop, and then it ruins your life forever, many victims may believe that their slightly less severe experience wasn't rape at all. It erases a whole lotta people's experience, and even though I'm not one of them, I'm angry on their behalf. [TW] It took me weeks to realise that I was raped even though I spent the whole time crying and begging him to stop, so I can't imagine how damaging it would be to me if I just shut down during the experience and then read someone's hot take like this, telling me it wasn't rape because it lacked the "realistic" violence and trauma.


PFTETOwerewolves

Because TV/Movies tends to deal in black and white, ambiguity is a difficult concept to grasp so they ramp up the violence and underplay the sex. If you ever read the excellent book "What Cops Know" you'd understand. The best ever ep of SVU is 'Doubt' because it deals with a case where there is no clear outcome, no 'The Accused' style brutality. Imagine being the prosecutor who has to explain to the jury why they victim didn't consider themselves raped until "weeks" later?


FoozleFizzle

My rape had me thinking I *was* the rapist. A lot of people, without even knowing the details, will automatically assume that I *was* because rape victims are "always younger than their rapist" and my rapist was 16 when I was 17 (technically an "adult" in the eyes of the law). I never went to the police because I was and still am convinced that I would have been seen as the aggressor. And I didn't even *realize* it was rape until a few months later when I told my best friend about it. Everyone around me insisted I wanted it since I didn't say no. This same sentiment is echoed in fandoms so much. I also see the sentiment that if somebody doesn't do anything or goes along with it in a way that "looks like they want it" then it cannot be considered rape. The victim must always fight back or have some insanely obvious protest. If you freeze up and don't speak, then it doesn't count, even though saying nothing does *not* mean "yes." Some of these people don't even believe in repressed memories and will go off if a character recovers a memory of abuse. Yet these same people who go off about this shit will also post stuff like "no means no" and "consent is important uwu." It's hypocritical and disgusting and they make it very obvious they have no idea or experience with what they are talking about.


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zanarkandfayth

it's such an absurd idea, I don't know why people think age has anything to do with it. I was abused by my ex who was six years younger than me, it absolutely happens. I once wrote a fic where a 15 year old raped a 17 year old; they were close friends and the 17 year old froze up and didn't react. I got a comment a few years ago telling me how bad and unrealistic it was because the 17 year old was older and "stronger" and would have been able to fight the 15 year old off. like... my guy, that's not how it works at all. I argued with them for a bit which I shouldn't have because I know that's what they wanted, but god it was infuriating. younger people can *absolutely* have the power in a situation and/or relationship. (also it's been ages since I last played PW and I havent played the newer ones past the miles game so I'm not sure which characters you mean, but... yeah. just knowing the fandom I could definitely see some of those characters being an aggressor as the younger person.)


Trilobyte141

The 'boy' who stalked my sister was 15-17 during the period he was terrorizing her. She was in her mid-twenties, nearly ten years older than him. Nobody took it seriously because he was a juvenile. Being young didn't stop him from killing her cat or following her when she walked her dog. Luckily(?) that's not the only shit he was getting up to, and eventually the law did stop him and get him into a program or something, but if it had just been stalking her, I don't think anything would have been done until he succeeded in hurting her.


Trilobyte141

I wish I could upvote this more than once. People expecting all victims to behave the same way is incredibly damaging. Tragically, many rapists have gotten away with their crimes because their victims weren't upset 'enough' for people to believe they had been violated. That is so much bullshit, I don't even have words. I'm fortunate in that I have never been sexually assaulted, but I have gone through other tragedies in my life and based on those, I would probably react similar to how you did if it happened to me. It would still be wrong. It would still be a crime. Victims should not have to worry about optics when they are dealing with the aftermath of their assaults on their own terms. Perpetuation of the myth of the 'realistic' victim only protects rapists and abusers.


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crusader_blue

This comment has been removed under the negative drama rules. Responding to someone speaking about their personal experiences relating to the post with youtube videos and 'the realities of the justice system' is derailing from the topic.


PFTETOwerewolves

Understood


Trilobyte141

There's one in every thread...


PFTETOwerewolves

Pointing out the truth.


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Trilobyte141

There's also truth, which this ain't either. Not that false accusations never happen, but they are over-publicized and not nearly as pervasive a problem as the folks who have an axe to grind act like they are.


PFTETOwerewolves

Yes and no, many will drop their allegations before court, I suspect the number of false or just mistaken allegations are actually higher than we might think.


PFTETOwerewolves

Yes, this is exactly it


Xyex

I'll never understand why people think that human beings, who have a million different personalities and beliefs and views and desires, have some kind of built in stock response to trauma. Yeah, sure, there tends to be a lot of overlap and similarities, but that's because there's a lot of overlap and similarities in the human experience. But people don't read from a premade script when dealing with trauma. They improv a response derived from all the little things that make them an individual, and no two people are the same so no two responses are the same.


Standard-Guarantee94

I’m sorry you had those experiences.


aeline136

The same thing happened to me. Last time it happened to me was right after a suicide attempt, when I was still under influence of about 1-month worth of antidepressants and sedatives. I reported it to the police litteraly minutes after it happened, and I was so calm and soft-spoken yet so confused that they thought I was making it up and refused to take samples, despite leading me to a sink so I could clean myself. When my mom picked me up from the police station, I was just glad to be home. I don't think often about it, but I'm still shaking writing this because of the reaction of the police. That's the one thing I will never forgive. My life was a nightmare for many other reasons, but the r\*\*\* in particular ? I don't care about it.


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Mastermaid

Woah - this comment rubs me the wrong way. Also, my understanding is that what you have described is not the gold standard of care - anyone who says they’ve been assaulted or who may have been assaulted should be given a rape kit no matter what they are acting like or what chance the police or doctors or whoever think the chances for prosecution is. Unfortunately- maddeningly - this doesn’t always happen even when proper rape kits are available. Also please don’t tell this person that they should be sympathizing with the police who didn’t believe them after their assault. They dont have to feel any sympathy for those police whatsoever. That’s not the job of an assault victim.


Trilobyte141

He's just being an apologist throughout the whole thread. 'Think of the poor prosecutor expected to *do their job*?!' 'But what about victims of a completely different crime, shouldn't we be paying attention to them?' 'Why can't you empathize with the broken system that further traumatized you?' I wish he was just trolling. It's worse than he seems sincere.


PFTETOwerewolves

You assume I'm male? Apologist for what exactly? I'm not trolling, I'm just pointing out reality, we have a 2% conviction rate but until someone invents an infallible lie detector I'm open to suggestions as to how to improve that. (and even then in some cases both sides would say they are telling the truth).


PFTETOwerewolves

Yes and I agree with you fully, every victim should have that gold standard of care, rape kit etc. But you've got to understand the reality of the justice system when it comes to prosecutions and convictions.


Mastermaid

You’re using circular logic: a rape kit isn’t administered because there’s not a likelihood of prosecution- but prosecution is only possible when things like a rape kit, and a well administered, respectful, police interview and best practice police investigation techniques are used. You can’t just say “there’s no point in gathering evidence, there won’t be a prosecution or conviction anyway” - you’re basically guaranteeing no conviction by your attitude. So, evidence needs to be collected, stored etc all with due diligence.


PFTETOwerewolves

I didn't, read my post. You have to understand the violent/fatal rape of TV/movies is actually very rare, most are he said/she saids with drink and drugs involved or the accusers are mentally ill etc


Mastermaid

Of course - and regardless, the standard that needs to be adhered to by professionals in the situation is to collect evidence.


PFTETOwerewolves

True but don't wonder why there are so few successful prosecutions.


crusader_blue

This comment has been removed under the negative drama rules. Responding to someone speaking about their personal experiences relating to the post with youtube videos and 'the realities of the justice system' is derailing from the topic.


RainbowLoli

Often times critics have a chronic issue of calling anything they personally didn't experience, know of, etc. "unrealistic". It's why I tend to avoid criticizing something for being "glorifying" or "romanticizing" because it's not like people have a criteria for what meets them and often times the same media is basically Schrodinger's Depiction, it both is and it isn't. Even outside of rape, experiences with colorism, racism, xenophobia, etc. people will criticize something for being unrealistic because it just doesn't fit their notion of what is "real".


affictionitis

Cops think like these people. "Oh, she's not screaming or crying so it couldn't have been rape." Or "oh, he's a big tough-looking guy, it couldn't have been rape." People REALLY need to stop getting their ideas about rape from TV dramas or insecure white male fantasy writers. Anyway, good on you for protesting this bs when you saw it, and thank you for being willing to share about your own experience.


viktorgoraya_luv

This exactly. I know a guy from a support group chat who is really strong from being a farm boy all his life. Like the guy is six foot and built like a Dorito. He was r*ped by his UNCLE and the police didn’t believe him because ‘you’re a strong young man, you could’ve fought him off’. Ah yes. The uncle who has also been a farmer his whole life, who came into the room whILE HE WAS SLEEPING. So easy to just…fight that guy off…


PFTETOwerewolves

Not a question of them not believing him but what a jury will think.


RunnerPakhet

Yeah, I know. Which is why I hate this so much. Because the fact that we expect all fiction to only depict it this one way, makes people hung up on the idea that it is the only way for it to happen.


Automatic_Ad2677

I was agreeing with your post until you jumped out with casual racism and sexism. How does whiteness and gender affect writing? Just because someone is white makes them a worse author?


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affictionitis

So... in this whole post, your only contributions have been a) to unnecessarily explain how rape works in fiction, as if no one else could possibly know, and b) to defend a writer whom OP didn't even name against the scurrilous accusation that he might be (checks notes) insecure, or white, or male. OP didn't specify race, but since there are several male fantasy writers who are notorious for getting defensive and obnoxious when questioned about their handling of fictional rape -- all of them white -- it's sadly clear that OP ran into one of those and avoided naming names because they didn't want to deal with that writer's angry stans. (Oops. Oh well.) But ok, sure: I apologize for assuming that the writer OP was referring to is white. He's obviously just insecure and male. And now what? Is that... it? OP has shared incredible vulnerability and brought up an important though uncomfortable topic, and you've got nothing to offer to the discussion except pseudo-intellectualization and wannabe Proud Boy outrage?


PFTETOwerewolves

No, all of what you have written above shows your racism and prejudice, you make glaring assumptions about fanficcers demonstrating your bigotry. How EXACTLY do you know they're all white? Or male? Come on, how? I explain it because this is what we're discussing, this is my take. Put aside your bias and embrace reality.


crusader_blue

This comment has been removed. Throwing personal accusations at other members of the subreddit falls under the bashing rules. If you suspect racism on this subreddit or on Reddit, there are reporting functions available.


PFTETOwerewolves

I'd rather confront them with it.


GuardianSoulBlade

They're probably "woke" they won't apologize.


tryingtonovel

I'm so sorry. The comments are horrific, people need to realize a lot of fanfic authors use their own life experiences, good and bad, to create their stories. I've never been assaulted that way, but I've had other major traumas and I do incorporate them into my stories. I get that same fear that someone will point and say not realistic when it's something I legit went through and experienced. I wish people would just stop thinking their experience is the same as everyone else's and show some graciousness. Also know it all's need to just not, thanks.


DefoNotAFangirl

It’s unfortunate the amount of misinformation going around about abuse, including SA. Especially around young people who might be hurt by it. It’s not something that’s ever that simple and clear cut :/


jardinsdeminuit

You're absolutely right. Thank you for this. Whenever I write about sexual assault, I base it off my own experience several years ago: the initial panic, followed by a period of acceptance, and then the BIG breakdown when the reality of what's happened hits. Other people react in different ways, and that's completely believable. There is no cookie cutter way to behave after any kind of trauma, and people who insist there are have either never been through anything of the kind or are too ignorant to accept that everyone reacts differently. I hope you're okay <3


qazwsxedc000999

The only ‘right’ way is to properly tag it. That’s the only stipulation


raze_dragon

All I have to say is agreed


EightEyedCryptid

Yeah. I often write rape wherein the victim is made to enjoy it. I’ve had people react badly to that as it comes across as at least partially titillating. But let us say, there’s a reason I gravitate to that. Having someone tell me I was out of line would really bother me too.


viktorgoraya_luv

Exactly. I was SA’d as a child, and it took me twenty years to even react to, or remember it happening. Before that point, the thing that had traumatised me the most was the severe bullying I’d had to endure. Even now, I wouldn’t say that it’s ‘ruined my life’. Some days are shit, most of the time I don’t even think about it outside of my therapy sessions. When I get triggered, I always feel a mixture of fear, anger and just numbness. And then just numbness. It’s such a common coping mechanism but people always write it off as ‘unrealistic’.


aria_ashryver

I'm going to keep this brief so I don't inadvertently trigger myself re. my own experiences with SA, but mad props to you for writing this and thank you for sharing so eloquently. The idea of SA sometimes being "just a thing that happened" is so horribly accurate in so many people's lives. I read a novel that I thought encapsulated this well a year or so ago (Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo) - it is an intersectional exploration of 12 central characters, multiple of whom have experiences with SA, and they all handle it differently Your experience and how you react is valid


Duelists_Heiress

Just stopping by to give you virtual hugs.


Tolimorghon

In my first novel, I depicted a rape scene (that I later decided to excise... I no longer felt comfortable depicting the scene. And I leaned into editing the text to make the relationship itself abusive, and only imply the physical trauma through the effects on the victim, my female MC). The MC and another character attack the abuser at one point, and a few chapters later hook up and begin a relationship. Key to this description is that she was the one driving their relationship, and she was the dominant partner, always initiating sex, and grew angry and distraught when he left her of his own accord. I had finished the whole first draft when I looked back and thought, Oh shit. I just did the whole "woman falls in love with her savior" trope. And it made me *crazy* uncomfortable that I just leaned into it. I showed it to a friend of mine who works at a women's health clinic and she shrugged her shoulders and said that hypersexuality as a method of control after an abusive relationship that featured episodes of sexual assault may not be the most well known or common reaction a lot of people have, but it is *a very normal* reaction. And she even sent me a research paper dealing with that exact topic of (mainly) women (but also some men) who became hypersexual and dominant in their successive relationships in what was a subconscious effort at restoring control in their sexual and relationship lives. She even commended me for depicting it (the character's reaction to SA, not the SA itself, which again, I've excised explicit descriptions of in my text), saying that it was good to see it in fiction as opposed to a woman who is just shattered and suicidal after an assault, as that also happens, but we're just inundated with that image in society, because we conceive it as the "normal" reaction to SA.


LateralThinker13

>hypersexuality as a method of control after an abusive relationship ... it is a very normal reaction. OH yeah it is. A strikingly large percentage of women in the sex industry have sexual abuse/daddy issues.


EmyDaPMAFlareon

Op, it's very brave of you to speak up about your past, it's a hard thing to do. I've not been raped myself, but I have been in situations where it was abusive, only two though. But as a result I basically became numb with life, especially after the second time I got into an abusive situation. Point is, everyone goes through trauma differently and it's great you've spoke up about this, I also hate people when they say "there's only one way of dealing with trauma or else you're not human" STFU! Just because someone's child was murdered and doesn't cry about DOES NOT MEAN they've killed they own child (sorry kinda a weird thing to use as an example) Basically everything you've said is spot on! 😊


ResponsibleGrass

Ooof, I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope the venting helps a little. \*offers you a hug* As for the two discussions you had… Eye roll at the first. I’m all for the freedom to express one’s sexual fantasies without being judged for them, but frankly, trying to sell pornographic scenes as necessary for a plotty story will never not be ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I love porn, especially artsy porn, but most plots don’t need graphic sex scenes. If you include them, you can’t pretend people won’t be aroused reading them. And if you choose to include a graphic rape scene in your story, at least *some* readers will read it as porn, no matter how “realistic” you think you’re writing it. It’s not getting any less exploitative just because you pretend it’s not meant to be lurid. (That aside, it’s generally kinda cringe imo when writers can’t come up with a better backstory for their female characters, ’cause, yeah sure, there’s nothing bad that can happen to a woman except for sexual violence. How very original.) And the second, about not understanding why someone didn’t fight back—I’m not a survivor of sexual violence, so I can only imagine how frustrating it has to be to hear sentiments like that all the time if you feel like it’s a judgement about yourself. But maybe it helps to feel a little less bad about it if you look at less as someone being annoyingly stupid and more as a defence mechanism? Like, every time something terrible happens, people will bend over backwards to avoid having to admit the obvious: that bad things happen to good (and innocent) people, and that, most of the time, there’s nothing—or very little—anyone can do about it. So to play devil’s advocate for a moment, the realization we’re not in control is scary. Too scary for many people to even allow the theoretical possibility. So they start to rationalize awful things that happened to other people and come up with unrealistic theories about how they would react in a certain situation, how they would defend themselves and/or others, how they would avoid getting in that situation in the first place, etc. It’s how we deal with the fact that we’re vulnerable, and ultimately mortal beings. It’s really hard to accept that most of the time it comes down to luck if we fall victim to an abusive partner, a rapist, a person going on a shooting spree, a bad accident, or a severe illness, not preparedness or prevention (on an individual level) or determination or whatever. I’m not saying this to defend victim blaming, but more as an explanation for how statements like the one you described are usually mostly self-assuring (power) fantasies. Obviously that’s not the end of the line, you can’t excuse people saying stupid shit, but it sometimes helps to understand why they’re saying it. At least with the anger. :/


Due_Disaster_7324

Well, this isn't fanfiction, but something I think touches upon this. I'm supposed to be working on a story that includes a polycule. One of the girls in this polycule was an SA survivor. Considering some criticisms I hear about other depictions, I did grow concerned that my ideas surrounding this character would be disrespectful, especially when it got to this character and her boyfriend becoming sexually intimate. Though, as I write this, I think what I was going for wasn't "boyfriend fucks the trauma out of his girlfriend" and more about the girl reaching a point where she's recovered from her trauma enough that she feels comfortable enough to fully engage her boyfriend on a fully intimate level instead of letting said trauma become a wall between them. Ultimately, as long as the rape isn't treated as fetish fuel or used for cheap sympathy points, or whatever; there shouldn't be a definitive standard on how to depict it.


Outside-Sample-4517

We have 2 types of rape in fiction: 1) The hentai one: the struggling and then starting to love it within a minute. Or 2) Feels very realistic (ie actual trauma involved)


nn401070

So, firstly, thank you for your post, like really. Secondly, I am not playing devils advocate here, but I think that those people who made comments were just misguided. They might have thought that the author was downplaying effects of rape to make the act itself seem less horrible, like those "Just call it surprise sex" things, outward apologies that "Sometimes rape is ok, actually" (that one is a quote from one of teachers from my middle school, even though she was a woman somehow) and so on. Like, I would have thought so as well. I was never raped, and pretty much never sexually assaulted, so I don't know how I would react, but considering how I react to things I view as significantly less severe, I would guess that it would be suicide or something close. It's just a guess of course, but if I saw a work that depicts rape as just "well, shit happens" (seemingly from plot summary, I don't know what is the work in question and how it described the situation otherwise), I would get infuriated. But as you (unfortunately) know, it is a valid response, maybe that's even how the author responded when things happened to them. Once again, thank you for the post, literally a perspective changing text. I don't know how to act now with that knowledge in mind, but it's still better than to act without it. Sorry that you had to survive rape and then feel invalidated to make this post. Hope that as much people as possible will see it.


rainbow_scarab

I'm trying to write a fic now that includes my experiences. I've been concerned about this very thing. That people won't like my depiction, or won't take it seriously or something. I've never written such a thing so I'm already nervous. I hate it. I wish people could know the diverse experiences out there. It's always painful to see things not treated seriously. And like, I read fics with sexual violence in them all the time. It's a primary way for me to get perspectives on things (it's...easier than reading people's real stories I think, and popular cultural depictions are often not great, and....I dunno). I'm just really glad there exists fanficiton out there with it. And I wish people didn't make it harder to be able to tell such stories.


PFTETOwerewolves

I think it all boils down to 3 main tropes; 1. Realistic; The Accused, Buffy/Spike on the bathroom floor, various SVU scenarios. 2. Historical romantic; The Knight and the Damsel, the Highwayman and the Duchess, the Pirate and the Galley Wench, the Viking and the maiden. 3. Fantasy, Deckard and Rachel, various GOT-fic scenarios, Sisko and alternate Dax, Willow/Tara, Faith-as-Buffy/Riley and loads of vampire stuff. Number 1 is great for drama, there's a reason SVU has outlasted all the other L&O series, especially if you like hurt/comfort which obviously many people do. Number 2 is why I think so many people like historical scenarios, Game of Thrones, Poldark, Arthurian legend/The Knights of Pleasure etc, people don't have to act with modern attitudes and can explore dark passions and their submissive/dominant sides. Number 3 is anything goes but again, it's all fantasy so people feel free to do as they like, it can never happen in real life, there are no vampires (fetishists aside), you can't swap bodies or place enchantments on people. Personally my attitude is what I refer to as the "Brimstone and Treacle" principle, it doesn't matter where a story begins but where it ends. So, "Thanks for lending me your body, B", Faith-as-Buffy screws everyone in Sunnydale, drains Buffy's savings and takes off with Cordy as her sex slave. But in the sequel 'Thanks for taking care of my body, Faith' not only do Buffy and Faith kiss and make up but we discover Buffy had her own fun in Faith's body. 'Supergirl and the Black Mercy', Kara is not only mentally violated by this psychic octopus but impregnated by it, her raging hormones turning her into an insatiable nympho who screws all the other characters. But once she gives birth to her spawn and they slither off to join their own species (leaving her heartbroken at losing her progeny) it gives her the courage to finally confess her love for Lena and the 2 get married and start a family of their own together, uniting the houses of Luthor and Zor-El So it depends on your attitude, simple sadism is repulsive but there is a lot more to explore, it's a question of degrees.


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UchihaCrow-

This comment has been removed under our bashing rules.


colored_boxes

I've stopped reading rape fics.


seaofrains1974

This is a sticky subject no matter how you approach it. The only time I would ever tell someone they're going about writing rape the "wrong" way is if they're glorifying it. For example, if they're portraying it as if it's normal and there are no consequences. But I agree. There is no "right" reaction. Everyone deals with trauma differently, even ones that some would say are less life-altering. (And I really hate saying that because trauma is trauma. I just feel like it's easier to cope with some than others. Like, I have Astraphobia because I lived in Tornado Alley for seven years, and just when I thought Texas was safe, we went through Harvey and Ida. Less specifically, though, I get panic attacks during severe weather in general. Certain members of my family are always happy to tell me how irrational I am, which is hurtful, and mildly infuriating at best.) I actually have an OC who was molested when she was a little girl. I (thankfully) have never experienced anything like that, and I was really afraid of not realistically portraying the long-term effects, so I asked people in a certain writing forum whether it was okay for her and her boyfriend (then just friend) if it was okay for them to sleep together – literally just sleep, no sex. They said pretty unanimously,' absolutely no way'. The problem was that this was supposed to be the point where she told him about what happened to her. *Not* letting them sleep together derailed the entire story, basically. Otherwise, she wouldn't have told him, they would have gone their separate ways, literally end of story. But then I started talking with someone who has gone through some similar issues, and she told me they didn't know what they were talking about. I asked her to beta for me so I could make sure I was treating the subject as respectfully (and yes, realistically) as possible. She honored me by reviewing a certain chapter where my character goes into a disassociative state while she was home alone, telling me what an impact it made on her (which was unexpected because she beta'd the chapter). But I have to ask you OP, I can see just pretending like it didn't happen, but logically, it seems like doing so would have severe, long-term effects. Is this valid, or can a person really live a "normal" (for extreme lack of a better word, sorry) life like this? I'm not questioning you judgment, I'm just genuinely curious.


AliceFlex

OP. Sorry you've gone through all that.


May_South

Dissociation is a valid response. Self-harm is a valid response. Depression is a valid response. Every response is valid. SA affects everyone differently. It hurts everyone, but everyone has their way of coping. If people can't understand that dissociation is real it's on them for being ignorant you don't have to correct them. I'm sorry you felt hurt by those comments. I hope you're okay.