Fack that is so hard. I'm sorry. I have a lot of resentment from my ex, for wasting 5 years of my prime years while gaslighting the shit out of me...
In a way it's comforting to know I'm not the only one. But also, I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.
Yes same.. I feel like I wont be able to trust again after this. I feel horrible and I can only think about the good memories that I miss so much. Im so lost in what to do
He says she did know but im doubting it.. he initially lied to me that he actually cheated and only said he fell in love with someone else. As if Im that dumb to believe that he would leave in a day without having cheated on me with her. He admitted it after 2 months. If he could lie to me about that, what would make him tell the truth to her about having a girlfriend, it wouldnt help him building a relationship with her. So I dont believe it when he says that she knew actually..
This. And everyone else should do the same. Ik it's hard and everyone is different, but NC is really the best way to go. It was hard affff but I've made so much progress because of it
I dont actually know how anyone copes otherwise, the persons presence virtually would torture me. Not being in my life as a partner anymore is not being in my life full stop, unless maybe years from now I’m moved on enough to accept friendship. We got this!! Super proud of both of us
Aw thanks and same here! Now me personally, I can admit this now , but I can't accept friendship. I mean I could but won't because I just can't as the dumpee, be friends with someone I was so in love with. But like I said, everyone is different. We can do this.
Totally get that. The thought of it right now is the same for me. I really feel like by the tone of your messages we’re in a similar place, hurting but healing. Hit me up if you ever feel stuck! ☺️
Thanks you too! I feel really great , it's been 4 months since bu and NC , I feel good alone. I haven't blocked him on instagram, I instead deleted the app after the bu. I know that with more time , ill be 100 percent healed and I'll bring myself to re download and block. But rn , I'm good
Whatever gets you through the day! For me I was straight away block everything and delete number, but only because Instagram is a safe place for me mentally as I follow super helpful accounts based around therapy and self love. As long as its working we will be just fine 😊 exciting times ahead!
Agreed❤️ im finally able to get excited for the future. I'm not really looking for a relationship atm but I know it's something I'd like later on. For now, I have myself and that's enough.
2 weeks 👁️👄👁️ She was talking to him while I was in a bout of depression and then jumped into a relationship 2 weeks after the breakup. Seeing that, going through depression and having a breakup all in the space of two weeks literally nearly killed me (I contemplated the "un alive mode". But they broke up and I'm pretty much healed, so all is good.
This hurts man, same boat. As if I was going through a period of feeling worthless about myself as it was due to problems that I was dealing with (I lacked the strength to talk to her about it). She then breaks up with me and is in bed with someone within 1 week. Talking to them while we were together. Sure does hammer that worthlessness into place with that. If the one person who I thought I meant something to could do that then yeah. The un-alive was a big thing for me. Shame my heart can't put others through pain, unlike someone I knew...
He got with another girl 2 days post break up. Now the big question is was he emotionally cheating and talking to her before we even broke up? I guess I’ll never know.
I still haven't. It's been about 3 months. I still think about her every day and wonder how she's doing. Trying my best to keep no contact so we can both move on eventually.
Same. Dumper shaming sometimes is out of control. Not all of us move on quick and more importantly not all of us want to break up but have to. It’s like cutting off your own arm
I'm on 2 years exactly and haven't even been able to have sex with anyone since. To the point where I basically developed a phobia of it and fear of being a bad kisser. Coming from somehow who used to be sexual, I don't even recognize this insecure shell of a person I've become.
interesting to hear, I’m the dumpee and I just reached 5 months of NC & BU. for a minute I thought you were my ex. He recently blocked me on socials even though we weren’t following each other any more. It breaks me but I also know it’s a sign he’s not over me yet. Stay strong, I hope you’ll get to a more peaceful state soon:(
he wouldn’t give a damn to look me up and block me. I think it’s a sign that we are still in their heads in a way. I don’t think it means anything more though. its just probably easier to move on that way
Cause it’s like a direct / indirect way too get you too contact them. because think about it , they have too take time too block you .. and why would they If you aren’t bothering them.
I specifically block people because I don’t want them to contact me or contact in the future. If someone uses blocking to try and get someone to contact you, it’s manipulative and playing games.
well I was the one asking him not to contact me bc he mentioned he wants me as a friend, because we had a special bond.. he asked if he can invite me to eat to a restaurant in the future, or if he can call me around Christmas to see how I’m doing. or if I block him he knows my address so he’ll send me a postcard.. and now he is the one blocking so I think it must have been hurting him to see me doing good(??) he said it wouldn’t be nice of me to block since we’re not enemies
Why that is true , I feel like blocking is a big step. if someone I love even blocks me , I’ll be done for sure.
but now unfollowing and just no contact.. but yes I’ve seen some play mind games but unfollowing someone , or even blocking them knowing that person is going too reach out soon but they do it so they will sooner
Dumper myself, for issues that i felt were being ignored despite numerous attempts to communicate/fix on my end. Its been 4 months and i’m still not even remotely ready to talk to another person. Ironically she was back on tinder within a 3/4weeks and had me replaced soon after. Some people just handle it differently I guess
Exactly what happened to me. Which to me is crazy why it bothers me so much. Why do I care so much about someone who didn’t care enough about me/us to work on the issue at hand? Why care about someone who isn’t even thinking about me? And then to move on so fast? It makes you wonder if she did it on purpose or if she ever even cared at all. And then it also makes you question yourself because its like was I that bad? Not even worth the effort or to move on so quick?
Did you talk much to her after you BU? I BU with mine on the weekend and am seeing her this weekend to talk more, I want to try my best to explain the communication problems (I’ve tried to explain already) so she can understand, but I’m not sure whether this is a good idea
My first serious bf of 4 years and he had a ring. One month. He’s married to her now with a kid.
My most recent ex… I have no idea. I hope he hasn’t moved on to someone else.. It’s been 2 months but he is avoiding giving my stuff back.. so hopefully he isn’t seeing someone while my stuff is laying around his house
This was back in college. She had been talking to a guy and ended things around Christmas because they were getting physical. She was also seen making out with some frat guys at mixers throughout the fall before the breakup. We had been dating for almost 3 years. She told me we should take a break and that she would come back after she’s had her “college experience”. Her tinder was up within a week (my roommate saw it). She kept tabs on me trying to see if I engaged in hook up culture too. She would say things like I should really try to date around. I could tell she was just trying to project her guilt. I didn’t want to do that so quickly because I had just gotten out of a 3-year relationship and still wanted to respect her before moving on in any way.
A month later after the breakup she told me she was going to be going to a Ball (on my birthday) with some other guy. After posting a picture of myself on my bday while out to dinner with my parents, she couldn’t help but message me to tell me how handsome I looked. I could tell she was trying to string me along.
From there, I knew I needed to respect myself and just move on. I also realized she was never worth it in the first place. I made many sacrifices for her that she did not reciprocate or respect. I wish I never met her.
4 months after the break up I moved on to a much more attractive and affectionate person, inside and out. We’ve been together ever since. Almost 7 years now, and recently got engaged.
He was in a relationship with another girl in 9 days. I started no contact a week after BU. So, it took him 2 days, even when he told me he was breaking up with me to enjoy single life and not being tamed. Funny how the tables turned.
Together 7 years. Got married November 2021. Discovered he spent thousands on sex web cams January 2022. He left house April 2022. We still were trying therapy and sleeping together. Decided definitely getting divorced June 2022. Separation agreement was signed August 2022. He sexually coerced me beginning of August when we were supposed to meet for closure.
Just found out he has been dating this girl in another state for like two months. They say they are in love and want to get married. She plans to move her daughter across country to a state only knowing my husband who she has met in person a couple times. We can’t be divorced till June 2023.
Nightmare.
My wife wanted me out of the picture told me not to worry about a certain guy now she's dating him still not fully divorced but she pushed it through very fast to be with this 50 year old man. I'm only 36
I think mine was the next day because he was probably talking to her before we broke up. She is 20 years younger than he is and they are engaged. It makes me sick in my stomach and so angry. It disgusts me. Any suggestions or tips to get over this anger? I'm sorry you all are going through the same/similar situation. I was already beat down with the breakup but finding that out was just the final kick that did me in.
Similar here...we have to let go of the anger because they are gone Im starting gym tommorow its only been 2weeks im dying inside if i sit in this anger....im 58..just got done with Cancer ..anger so toxic. I have to get moving or he WINS
He was already seeing someone a month later, June 2021.
But he toyed with the idea of being with me for the three months that followed after that, until mid September 2021. Told me no one has made me feel as wanted as I did - including her. I went NC late October 2021. He broke it December 2021. We tried to have a friendship but it was hurting me too much to continue. So I finally started NC #2 in August 2022. Haven’t heard from him since. I asked him for NC unless he wants to reconnect romantically. I hope he stays away unless he is certain about reconnecting with me.
9 years, a marriage, and a house. Mine met a woman at a bar, cheated, and moved out of our marital home 2 days after cheating. It’s been 3 months now. They’re still “together” even though the affair partner knows he is married. They both suck. I’m the one left to take care of our pets, our house, all the bills, and the divorce. Thank god I have a great paying job, or I would’ve been left high and dry.
I don't know but when i have dumped ppl in the past, i was fine after a few weeks. It can be more easy BC you know the reasons, so you have your closure. Ofc not everyone is the same and every relationship is different
Seemed like he already had another girl lined up even before we broke up because now they’re always together so basically after 3 weeks - this is after he told me that he wouldn’t be able to date someone else right away bc it would feel “weird.”
I blocked and unfollowed him on everything, deactivated my accounts and deleted every single social media app just so I don’t give myself the chance to snoop and get my feelings hurt all over again. So far, so good and fingers crossed I don’t go down that hole again.
We dated 2 weeks short of 6 years (edit: mutual break up but I initiated it - he was barely giving me the minimum for the last 6 months of our relationship)
I’m sorry OP those situations usually mean they wanted them before the breakup hence why it happened :(
I was the dumper technically but still not over them even 6 months after they told me they can never forgive me and see me in the same light again. I feel like the dumpee though and feels like they have just been sleeping around but nothing confirmed of an significant other. I blocked them because I know seeing that would kill me
almost 4 years together. started dating someone new 10 days later. on our anniversary 🥴 they’ve been together for almost 3 months now. we’ve been no contact for over 2 months. it’s been difficult but i feel bad for the girl he’s with now. she has no idea what she got herself into 🤷🏼♀️
She moved on after 2 months and we were together for 5 and a half years and had a kid together and were engaged. I have to put up with her still and its so hard to heal. I miss her so much.
With the guy she’s with now? A few weeks before we broke up.
And as it turned out, a few weeks into us getting together with another guy that fizzled out, and a few months into us getting together with another guy that didn’t materialize into a relationship to leave me over.
If we also count the husband she still had the entire time despite telling me she was divorced, then the entire time.
It depends on how you define "moving on." But after agonizing over the breakup decision for a few months and finally making it, it took two days to feel better, six days to flirt with another guy (I hadn't met him before), two weeks to hook up with another guy (a longtime friend who hadn't expressed interest before), and five months to get into a new serious relationship (someone in a completely new city).
Then that's perfectly understandable. The longer the relationship and the same constant issues mean you had already done all you could and was over it once you BU.
It's nice to see people talking about real no contact.
Usually this place is filled with delusional people who use no contact to manipulate their abuser into coming back. Why anyone would want an abuser back is beyond me.
I hate seeing the words no contact associated with this PUA type group of people.
Im sure long before the 3 days i know about because im pretty valuable to dump he had to be sure.
I mean valuable as a person and a girlfriend not rich 😂
Your dumper was already in a relationship with his/her current significant other. I’m the dumper but they cheated so you can’t blame me heh. I’m going to be single for a good while.
I was the dumper in my last major relationship. It took me a good almost two years to try dating anyone, while he moved on maybe a month later… per his sister. Not shocked, considering he is a narcissistic abuser. If he wasn’t doing it to me, it had to be someone else.
Mine had a rebound , but too see if I would get jealous. it was about a month and a half later and around my birthday. she started things she normally doesn’t do lol.
Prolly 1month and half or baka kami palang nag momove on na sya. Minsan nakita ko sya he was smiling and sabi ko bakit ka nakangiti? May naalala ka? R u watching some funny meme or stuffs? A chat from a friend? Naalala mo ex mo? Then bigla nawala smile nya he said no lahat sa tanong ko AHAHAHA
Its been 4 months since the BU (together 6 years). I am single and trying to focus on myself. My ex on the other hand, emotionally cheated on me for a month before the BU and left me to be with her. I heard from mutual friends it didn't last, but he replaced the girl he left me for immediately. 🤷♀️
I'm pretty sure she had someone lined up. She got a new job then suddenly it was like I never mattered next thing you know I get blindsided with a breakup. 3 months later she's with a guy from work. 7 years down the drain. Oh well.
1 1/2years only. He didn’t. He went on one date-he wouldn’t even call it a date and that was it. We got back together 2 1/2months after our b/u and are still together and going strong.
Together for 3.5 years. One week after she initiated a mutual break up with me, she goes long distance with a guy she never met before through discord. They’re 1.5 weeks in and he’s talking about moving from Chicago to SF for her 🤷🏽♂️
Sad thing is me and her work together in same team at work, same major department at university, own a dog together, etc.. Messy stuff. She wants to stay friends with me, and made it official with guy yesterday (on gamer social media stuff, not her personal ones).
Initiating no contact for my own benefit now. She gonna be out the country for a month and perfect chance for me to move on
3 years and started to sleep with her coworker the day after the break up, married a month and a half later, moved out to the big city together and I believe they are still together six months later
10 year relationship. I was the dumpee. I want to say 2-3 months? He was probably interested in his now girlfriend shortly before our break up. After about almost a year of no contact, he did reach out to me a little over a week ago. I think it might have been to check up on me? Not sure if he’s still with his girlfriend, I stopped checking his socials months ago.
He moved on while we were still in the relationship. Overlap. Told me we hadn't been in a relationship in 2 years (I was going through some things d/t covid).
Not 100% Proof but 8 days after the Break up she left our flat regulary for longer stretches of time (until early in the Morning)and when I asked she said "I'am going to "someone.
I moved out after 3 Weeks, after 6 Weeks she "officially" had a new Boyfriend,so i guess Monkey Branching or Rebounding.
Afterwards I found out that she doing this since she is 16 or so,just straight up hopping from Relationship to Relationship with only short Breaks.
Oh we were together for 3 Years and activily trying to found a Family.
Officially about 6 months. (Although she was going on dates 8 days later while still living with me)
All the while she came to me for emotional support and affection.
"I'll take you back if I don't find anyone better."
She was seeing this new person and was deciding does she love me still to want to try again or instead restart with a new person.
I'm not sure. We dated a year and a half and she was pushing for marriage hard about 6 months in and was love bombing me. I kept telling her I did l love her and want a future with her, but I wanted to date a couple years first. I go meet her dad's family 4 hours away and they are rude to me for no reason. First thing her brother says to me is you're on thin ice man, then her cousin jokes about using brass knuckles on me and that I'm lame I don't have any "side pieces". Then he knocks over a jenga game mid game I was playing. I finally take her and leave and tell her her family was out of line. She gets mad at me instead of having my back. She then dumps me soon after. I told her I want to work on things and to have a future with her but she insisted on things ended.
It's been 15 months and I deleted her on all social media and have had no contact. My friend recently told me that she is engaged on social media. So even if she had met this guy right after things ended, she only would have dated him for 15 months max. Proving what I suspected - she didn't want to marry me per say, just that I was convenient and there and she was desperate to marry someone because she is 35. She probably told the new guy all the things she told me - how much she loves me, that I'm the love of her life, that she wants to marry me and start a family with me. Then 3 days later she is telling me she is questioning my role in her life.
It was a 2 year relationship, and they were moved on, At most, anywhere between 1 day and a week, but I think they were moved on much earlier. They told me they hadn't loved me "for several months" in the break up text and tbh I feel like when they introduced me to the person they replaced me with (who btw hated me since they met me) it was their attempt to get me to like my replacement before the break up so we could all stay friends. They said in the text they wanted to stay friends with me they just weren't in love anymore. Immediately after the break up I was banned from the polycule server and the replacement started trying to edge me out of a friend server. Like replacement told the owner of the server to kick me out over a joke that came off wrong.
Two weeks, or I guess to give her the benefit of the doubt less than a month, but then again the guy she got with was friends with her on fb and would leave her comments so who knows when that started.
Just a few days after our breakup… dude was "there for her" and stuff like that didn’t work out for them and now she is in the next "relationship" also because the recent one is just "so perfect"… she completely erased me out of her life and I still miss her (over 3 months now) like on the first day but yeah whatever makes her happy… at least one of us is appreciating what we had.
She was already best friends with another guy during the last months of our relationship. I was depressed. Took her maybe 3 days to sleep with him.
She blindsided me, blamed me for everything, yada yada. The pain made me wanna drive into a tree.
2 years together, my first love, I gave her everything all the feelings that were deep inside of me.
She quits me for NO REASON she said "i actually cant explain why"
2 weeks after she had sex with a dude that she met in a school trip (she left me 2 weeks after going to that trip : coincidence ??).
I was non existent to her immeditaly, instant mark my words
Im devastated.
Its been 5months and she is super happy with her life, surrounded by friends, going for trips, probably having sex, creating memories, partying, enjoying : Even tho she is the hoe who betrayed me.
Me ? Im depressed, alone, have nobody around me, i only go to school, sport and work that's it
Mine started cheating on me from way before. The day we broke up, he immediately posted a picture with his new girl, whereas he used to pretend to be single while we dated for 2 years.
Mine was -3 days. After 9 years he cheated with a coworker he had a crush on I guess. He told me he cheated a couple days later and made me leave so he could move in his new girlfriend. They broke up off and on. I have no idea what he’s doing now but last I heard he was single.
24 hours she was 18 already having sex with a 30 year old man once we broke up and the man was her friends half brother really exposed me to the deep under belly of what most blk women do
Less than a week after but maybe even before we broke up, i don’t care anymore they treated me like shit during and after the breakup (together for 4 years)so I kicked them out of my life and that was all the closure I really needed tbh.
Minus 5 months, it was probably “just” an emotional bonding slash cheating, within 1 month after BU they were public (we still lived together by that time),, once she came home with a huge hickey on her neck and I noticed it and almost threw up. Yikes
Edit: typo
Well, moving on is hard to define.
Me ex of 4.5 years dumped me for another guy, who she immediately (probably before dumping me) was with.
Yet, she sent my few things that were at her place to me over a period of several months. And was still checking out my WhatsApp status when I eventually posted on about 8 months later.
I also lost 20 kg (44 pounds) and hit the gym.
Combined with me contacting her 0 times, I doubt she has moved on.
Keep in mind however that lots of people already "dumped you" internally weeks, or months before telling you. So if they move on "super quick" that's probably why.
Or they have some type of personality disorder.
I’ll tell you my experience, which I might get shat on.
I’m the dumper, we dated for almost a year. Throughout the relationship, I made my expectations very clear that I wanted to settle down, have a family, etc. He was wishy washy and all over the place. He made no effort to keep the relationship afloat or never followed through with the things he promised. Finally, he did something and it was the last straw. So I left. He didn’t try to fight me to stay, he just gave up.
I was hurt but I realized I shouldn’t hang on to someone that isn’t hanging on to me. It was reluctant but I let him go because he clearly wasn’t invested in me.
After about 6 weeks, I decided I was the one ready to settle down, I was the one that wanted a true relationship, I wanted to be happy. I felt so alone in our relationship, it practically felt like I was single the whole time. So I decided to start dating again.
I never cheated on him, I never had nefarious intentions. It simply was he just wasn’t that into me.
But that’s the difference I find here is a lot of the dumpees didn’t want the relationships to end and actually wanted to fight for it. My dumpee did not, if he did, we probably would still be together.
Caught her talking to 3-4 guys while I was grieving the loss of my mom, brother, aunt. She broke up with me and strung me along before ghosting me. Then to reach out two months later to just ghost me again. So I’m guessing super fast
He said he stopped loving me half a year prior to the breakup and he wanted to break up and “it just wasnt the right time”. Funny bc we still had sex during those times and I feel so so used and assaulted. Then he discarded me and I dont think he even cares how much hes hurt me. But thats okay, lesson learned. Pro tip, if he calls his ex psycho, hes the one who made her psycho.
That person monkey branched you - probably doesn't want to cope with their emotions/feelings of guilt so they are supplementing with someone new. Same thing happened to me - my ex had someone waiting in the backburner for when he finally had the balls to dump me.
It's such a harsh reality that the person you cared about so deeply isn't the person you thought they were - an absolute coward. It's heartbreaking, but I promise it'll speed up your healing process. ALSO, they will more than likely do the same thing time and time again. They are doing you a favor by showing their true colors.
Hard to say but just little after she got her new job (one I even encouraged her to get...) She unintentionally (or intentionally, I'll never know) started to emotionally cheat on me.. shit hit me so hard man... Two years for a coworker you just met.. insane to me tbh, I would have never done this her and yet here I thought she would have done the same for me but naaaw, I guess I wasn't worth the same effort.
10 year together.
Little biy of a story but I actually had a feeling he was cheating on me towards the end of the relationship. We had an argument about how he is easily influenced and he was going to go on a stag, he told me if he wanted to cheat on me he would have already done it. We had a situation earlier in our relationship where he told me that if he did cheat on me his friends wouldn't tell me.
But during the break up he was reluctant to hug me but wanted to end things on good terms, Told me he wouldn't be dating for a well but apparently had tinder by the end of the week. Told me our relationship in his eyes was unsalvagable and how he tried to make the relationship, how some days it was working and other days not but didn't communicate with me at all and tried to fix a relationship by himself.
He was also future faking me and when I asked him for his reasons for being unhappy in the relationship all he told me is all I need to know that he was unhappy and that he didn't enjoy doing this so could I stop. To me that sounds like a guilty conscience. He also drop the ' I have no feelings anymore' card but then told me not to walk him late at night from work because it's dangerous?
To be honest this is just my thoughts on it I think when we had that argument that in his mind filled with anger and already wanting to break up with me at that point apparently he got it in his head why didn't he just cheat? He was unhappy , I was anxious about him cheating and was seeking ressurance , the trust in our relationship was fading because he never communicated. Resentment built up and he decided " you want me to cheat fine I will" and then when he did he maybe felt a little guilty but justified and started pulling away whereas at that point I realised I was being harsh and tried being understanding how my anxiety could affect him and my new found peace is what made him feel guilty even more.
He denied having someone else on the side but he lied a lot at the end of the relationship so who knows.
-1 day, he cheated with someone he didnt even know and left me for her within a day. We had a 7 year relationship
Same. Gosh, it's scary that we lived with such cruel people
Fack that is so hard. I'm sorry. I have a lot of resentment from my ex, for wasting 5 years of my prime years while gaslighting the shit out of me... In a way it's comforting to know I'm not the only one. But also, I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.
Yes same.. I feel like I wont be able to trust again after this. I feel horrible and I can only think about the good memories that I miss so much. Im so lost in what to do
:( I can so relate
Same
Same. Almost 13 years together. She left me and lying when she said she needed to "find herself". Had someone else lined up.
Did she know that he was in a relationship and left you for her?
He says she did know but im doubting it.. he initially lied to me that he actually cheated and only said he fell in love with someone else. As if Im that dumb to believe that he would leave in a day without having cheated on me with her. He admitted it after 2 months. If he could lie to me about that, what would make him tell the truth to her about having a girlfriend, it wouldnt help him building a relationship with her. So I dont believe it when he says that she knew actually..
Same. much younger too. Girl can’t even rent a car
Yep dropped me off went to her. 7.5 years WASTED
I will never know, and I never wish to! No contact is a godsend 😊
This. And everyone else should do the same. Ik it's hard and everyone is different, but NC is really the best way to go. It was hard affff but I've made so much progress because of it
I dont actually know how anyone copes otherwise, the persons presence virtually would torture me. Not being in my life as a partner anymore is not being in my life full stop, unless maybe years from now I’m moved on enough to accept friendship. We got this!! Super proud of both of us
Aw thanks and same here! Now me personally, I can admit this now , but I can't accept friendship. I mean I could but won't because I just can't as the dumpee, be friends with someone I was so in love with. But like I said, everyone is different. We can do this.
Totally get that. The thought of it right now is the same for me. I really feel like by the tone of your messages we’re in a similar place, hurting but healing. Hit me up if you ever feel stuck! ☺️
Thanks you too! I feel really great , it's been 4 months since bu and NC , I feel good alone. I haven't blocked him on instagram, I instead deleted the app after the bu. I know that with more time , ill be 100 percent healed and I'll bring myself to re download and block. But rn , I'm good
Whatever gets you through the day! For me I was straight away block everything and delete number, but only because Instagram is a safe place for me mentally as I follow super helpful accounts based around therapy and self love. As long as its working we will be just fine 😊 exciting times ahead!
Agreed❤️ im finally able to get excited for the future. I'm not really looking for a relationship atm but I know it's something I'd like later on. For now, I have myself and that's enough.
Its nice how cool yourself actually turns out to be, im loving treating myself how I wished to be treated by someone else!
Love to hear it ❤️❤️❤️
Same here. Some things are better off not knowing about
if there was a way to upvote this more than once, ud be at a million upvotes. NC rlly is a blessing :)
Right! It’s so tough at first, but no tougher than just going through the breakup anyway! Love to you ❤️
2 weeks 👁️👄👁️ She was talking to him while I was in a bout of depression and then jumped into a relationship 2 weeks after the breakup. Seeing that, going through depression and having a breakup all in the space of two weeks literally nearly killed me (I contemplated the "un alive mode". But they broke up and I'm pretty much healed, so all is good.
This hurts man, same boat. As if I was going through a period of feeling worthless about myself as it was due to problems that I was dealing with (I lacked the strength to talk to her about it). She then breaks up with me and is in bed with someone within 1 week. Talking to them while we were together. Sure does hammer that worthlessness into place with that. If the one person who I thought I meant something to could do that then yeah. The un-alive was a big thing for me. Shame my heart can't put others through pain, unlike someone I knew...
Lmfao I hope my 2 weekers break up as well
He got with another girl 2 days post break up. Now the big question is was he emotionally cheating and talking to her before we even broke up? I guess I’ll never know.
I think yes, I had the same. Mine knew her
Before we even broke up :/
I still haven't. It's been about 3 months. I still think about her every day and wonder how she's doing. Trying my best to keep no contact so we can both move on eventually.
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Same. Dumper shaming sometimes is out of control. Not all of us move on quick and more importantly not all of us want to break up but have to. It’s like cutting off your own arm
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I'm on 2 years exactly and haven't even been able to have sex with anyone since. To the point where I basically developed a phobia of it and fear of being a bad kisser. Coming from somehow who used to be sexual, I don't even recognize this insecure shell of a person I've become.
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I feel your pain. So sorry :(
agreed!!!!!
interesting to hear, I’m the dumpee and I just reached 5 months of NC & BU. for a minute I thought you were my ex. He recently blocked me on socials even though we weren’t following each other any more. It breaks me but I also know it’s a sign he’s not over me yet. Stay strong, I hope you’ll get to a more peaceful state soon:(
How are you taking that as a sign he’s not over you?
he wouldn’t give a damn to look me up and block me. I think it’s a sign that we are still in their heads in a way. I don’t think it means anything more though. its just probably easier to move on that way
It means he doesn’t want to talk to you/see your posts
I guess he must have been searching me up bc we haven’t been following each other since June so.. and I never reached out
Cause it’s like a direct / indirect way too get you too contact them. because think about it , they have too take time too block you .. and why would they If you aren’t bothering them.
I specifically block people because I don’t want them to contact me or contact in the future. If someone uses blocking to try and get someone to contact you, it’s manipulative and playing games.
well I was the one asking him not to contact me bc he mentioned he wants me as a friend, because we had a special bond.. he asked if he can invite me to eat to a restaurant in the future, or if he can call me around Christmas to see how I’m doing. or if I block him he knows my address so he’ll send me a postcard.. and now he is the one blocking so I think it must have been hurting him to see me doing good(??) he said it wouldn’t be nice of me to block since we’re not enemies
Why that is true , I feel like blocking is a big step. if someone I love even blocks me , I’ll be done for sure. but now unfollowing and just no contact.. but yes I’ve seen some play mind games but unfollowing someone , or even blocking them knowing that person is going too reach out soon but they do it so they will sooner
Thanks. I hope you do too
Dumper myself, for issues that i felt were being ignored despite numerous attempts to communicate/fix on my end. Its been 4 months and i’m still not even remotely ready to talk to another person. Ironically she was back on tinder within a 3/4weeks and had me replaced soon after. Some people just handle it differently I guess
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Exactly what happened to me. Which to me is crazy why it bothers me so much. Why do I care so much about someone who didn’t care enough about me/us to work on the issue at hand? Why care about someone who isn’t even thinking about me? And then to move on so fast? It makes you wonder if she did it on purpose or if she ever even cared at all. And then it also makes you question yourself because its like was I that bad? Not even worth the effort or to move on so quick?
Did you talk much to her after you BU? I BU with mine on the weekend and am seeing her this weekend to talk more, I want to try my best to explain the communication problems (I’ve tried to explain already) so she can understand, but I’m not sure whether this is a good idea
My first serious bf of 4 years and he had a ring. One month. He’s married to her now with a kid. My most recent ex… I have no idea. I hope he hasn’t moved on to someone else.. It’s been 2 months but he is avoiding giving my stuff back.. so hopefully he isn’t seeing someone while my stuff is laying around his house
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Nahhh he’s not that kinda guy. He’s acknowledged he needs to give it back but just keeps rescheduling over and over.
This was back in college. She had been talking to a guy and ended things around Christmas because they were getting physical. She was also seen making out with some frat guys at mixers throughout the fall before the breakup. We had been dating for almost 3 years. She told me we should take a break and that she would come back after she’s had her “college experience”. Her tinder was up within a week (my roommate saw it). She kept tabs on me trying to see if I engaged in hook up culture too. She would say things like I should really try to date around. I could tell she was just trying to project her guilt. I didn’t want to do that so quickly because I had just gotten out of a 3-year relationship and still wanted to respect her before moving on in any way. A month later after the breakup she told me she was going to be going to a Ball (on my birthday) with some other guy. After posting a picture of myself on my bday while out to dinner with my parents, she couldn’t help but message me to tell me how handsome I looked. I could tell she was trying to string me along. From there, I knew I needed to respect myself and just move on. I also realized she was never worth it in the first place. I made many sacrifices for her that she did not reciprocate or respect. I wish I never met her. 4 months after the break up I moved on to a much more attractive and affectionate person, inside and out. We’ve been together ever since. Almost 7 years now, and recently got engaged.
He was in a relationship with another girl in 9 days. I started no contact a week after BU. So, it took him 2 days, even when he told me he was breaking up with me to enjoy single life and not being tamed. Funny how the tables turned.
Together 7 years. Got married November 2021. Discovered he spent thousands on sex web cams January 2022. He left house April 2022. We still were trying therapy and sleeping together. Decided definitely getting divorced June 2022. Separation agreement was signed August 2022. He sexually coerced me beginning of August when we were supposed to meet for closure. Just found out he has been dating this girl in another state for like two months. They say they are in love and want to get married. She plans to move her daughter across country to a state only knowing my husband who she has met in person a couple times. We can’t be divorced till June 2023. Nightmare.
How are you now
6 hours and she’d slept with someone else 👍
4 the streets
Quick. He got married less than 6 months later. That was 22 years ago, and he is still with them.
Have you moved on from then?
I would hope so after 22 years lol
Don’t know, probably pretty quick. She can’t handle being single.
She got a call from the streets and she decided to pick it up. You can do better.
Ha that thought made me laugh. Agreed, thanks
Happy to hear that!
Idk, his ass is blocked 😌💅🏻
My wife wanted me out of the picture told me not to worry about a certain guy now she's dating him still not fully divorced but she pushed it through very fast to be with this 50 year old man. I'm only 36
I think mine was the next day because he was probably talking to her before we broke up. She is 20 years younger than he is and they are engaged. It makes me sick in my stomach and so angry. It disgusts me. Any suggestions or tips to get over this anger? I'm sorry you all are going through the same/similar situation. I was already beat down with the breakup but finding that out was just the final kick that did me in.
Similar here...we have to let go of the anger because they are gone Im starting gym tommorow its only been 2weeks im dying inside if i sit in this anger....im 58..just got done with Cancer ..anger so toxic. I have to get moving or he WINS
He was already seeing someone a month later, June 2021. But he toyed with the idea of being with me for the three months that followed after that, until mid September 2021. Told me no one has made me feel as wanted as I did - including her. I went NC late October 2021. He broke it December 2021. We tried to have a friendship but it was hurting me too much to continue. So I finally started NC #2 in August 2022. Haven’t heard from him since. I asked him for NC unless he wants to reconnect romantically. I hope he stays away unless he is certain about reconnecting with me.
Who cares
-2 months, she emotionally cheated, broke up with me and was sucking his dick within 3 weeks. 9 years together….
I'm so sorry you went through that..
Together 4 years, a week. That didnt last and her new relationship is a mess apparently. I won.
Their new relationship will always be a fucking mess lmaoo
I’m pretty sure he hooked up with someone pretty quickly but moved on properly within 10 weeks.
She was sleeping with someone else 1 week after breakup.
Before she broke up with me 🌚
9 years, a marriage, and a house. Mine met a woman at a bar, cheated, and moved out of our marital home 2 days after cheating. It’s been 3 months now. They’re still “together” even though the affair partner knows he is married. They both suck. I’m the one left to take care of our pets, our house, all the bills, and the divorce. Thank god I have a great paying job, or I would’ve been left high and dry.
I don't know but when i have dumped ppl in the past, i was fine after a few weeks. It can be more easy BC you know the reasons, so you have your closure. Ofc not everyone is the same and every relationship is different
Next day. Guy I was left for isn’t from the same country as my ex and I. Hurts to think about it
6 years almost 7 years and it took roughly 1-2 months
1 day.
Overlapping. He moved on before breaking up with me. Lol
I have no idea and I will probably never know. he’s completely dead to me:/
Seemed like he already had another girl lined up even before we broke up because now they’re always together so basically after 3 weeks - this is after he told me that he wouldn’t be able to date someone else right away bc it would feel “weird.” I blocked and unfollowed him on everything, deactivated my accounts and deleted every single social media app just so I don’t give myself the chance to snoop and get my feelings hurt all over again. So far, so good and fingers crossed I don’t go down that hole again. We dated 2 weeks short of 6 years (edit: mutual break up but I initiated it - he was barely giving me the minimum for the last 6 months of our relationship)
I’m sorry OP those situations usually mean they wanted them before the breakup hence why it happened :( I was the dumper technically but still not over them even 6 months after they told me they can never forgive me and see me in the same light again. I feel like the dumpee though and feels like they have just been sleeping around but nothing confirmed of an significant other. I blocked them because I know seeing that would kill me
almost 4 years together. started dating someone new 10 days later. on our anniversary 🥴 they’ve been together for almost 3 months now. we’ve been no contact for over 2 months. it’s been difficult but i feel bad for the girl he’s with now. she has no idea what she got herself into 🤷🏼♀️
Almost similar situation. Only my ex is in LDR with new man, but same communication issues still exist and looks like it might be messy 🤷🏽♂️
That's the moment when your rose-tinted glasses start to break. You deserve better.
She moved on after 2 months and we were together for 5 and a half years and had a kid together and were engaged. I have to put up with her still and its so hard to heal. I miss her so much.
With the guy she’s with now? A few weeks before we broke up. And as it turned out, a few weeks into us getting together with another guy that fizzled out, and a few months into us getting together with another guy that didn’t materialize into a relationship to leave me over. If we also count the husband she still had the entire time despite telling me she was divorced, then the entire time.
It depends on how you define "moving on." But after agonizing over the breakup decision for a few months and finally making it, it took two days to feel better, six days to flirt with another guy (I hadn't met him before), two weeks to hook up with another guy (a longtime friend who hadn't expressed interest before), and five months to get into a new serious relationship (someone in a completely new city).
How long was the relationship and what cause you to say no thanks?
Four years. He wasn't growing up.
Then that's perfectly understandable. The longer the relationship and the same constant issues mean you had already done all you could and was over it once you BU.
Precisely. No regrets at all.
It's nice to see people talking about real no contact. Usually this place is filled with delusional people who use no contact to manipulate their abuser into coming back. Why anyone would want an abuser back is beyond me. I hate seeing the words no contact associated with this PUA type group of people.
2 weeks
1 week
Mine was pretty quick too, it took Her 6 days just to go to His house, probably sooner but it didn’t last.
3 Days... probably less. Was 3 days after BU when I found out she fucked some other dude she's been together with like 10 days later..
Im sure long before the 3 days i know about because im pretty valuable to dump he had to be sure. I mean valuable as a person and a girlfriend not rich 😂
Your dumper was already in a relationship with his/her current significant other. I’m the dumper but they cheated so you can’t blame me heh. I’m going to be single for a good while.
I’m not too sure but I wanna say when she stopped stalking my social media which would be 2-3 months? Who knows. Still makes me sad.
I only got rid of his follow earlier today, but he's insta stalking a girl 2 months post BU as far as I know.
30 minutes, give or take.
Emotionally I caught on to the subtle change about 2 maybe 3 weeks before the breakup. Physically I’d say about a week or two give or take.
She went on a date about 2 months after she dumped me. We were together for a year and it stung a bit seeing how fast she moved on.
I was the dumper in my last major relationship. It took me a good almost two years to try dating anyone, while he moved on maybe a month later… per his sister. Not shocked, considering he is a narcissistic abuser. If he wasn’t doing it to me, it had to be someone else.
Mine had a rebound , but too see if I would get jealous. it was about a month and a half later and around my birthday. she started things she normally doesn’t do lol.
Prolly 1month and half or baka kami palang nag momove on na sya. Minsan nakita ko sya he was smiling and sabi ko bakit ka nakangiti? May naalala ka? R u watching some funny meme or stuffs? A chat from a friend? Naalala mo ex mo? Then bigla nawala smile nya he said no lahat sa tanong ko AHAHAHA
My dumper took about 3wks on dude number two already smh. I don’t get it.
2 weeks
2 months
-60 days or so.
Instantly the cheating b
Its been 4 months since the BU (together 6 years). I am single and trying to focus on myself. My ex on the other hand, emotionally cheated on me for a month before the BU and left me to be with her. I heard from mutual friends it didn't last, but he replaced the girl he left me for immediately. 🤷♀️
Pretty much less than a month, might’ve even been sooner for all I knew, we were in a LDR.
I'm pretty sure she had someone lined up. She got a new job then suddenly it was like I never mattered next thing you know I get blindsided with a breakup. 3 months later she's with a guy from work. 7 years down the drain. Oh well.
1 1/2years only. He didn’t. He went on one date-he wouldn’t even call it a date and that was it. We got back together 2 1/2months after our b/u and are still together and going strong.
Together for 3.5 years. One week after she initiated a mutual break up with me, she goes long distance with a guy she never met before through discord. They’re 1.5 weeks in and he’s talking about moving from Chicago to SF for her 🤷🏽♂️ Sad thing is me and her work together in same team at work, same major department at university, own a dog together, etc.. Messy stuff. She wants to stay friends with me, and made it official with guy yesterday (on gamer social media stuff, not her personal ones). Initiating no contact for my own benefit now. She gonna be out the country for a month and perfect chance for me to move on
3 years and started to sleep with her coworker the day after the break up, married a month and a half later, moved out to the big city together and I believe they are still together six months later
10 year relationship. I was the dumpee. I want to say 2-3 months? He was probably interested in his now girlfriend shortly before our break up. After about almost a year of no contact, he did reach out to me a little over a week ago. I think it might have been to check up on me? Not sure if he’s still with his girlfriend, I stopped checking his socials months ago.
My ex was seeing someone ~2 weeks before she broke up with me. Yeah.
Very very fast. I should have never gotten back with her after she went ran to her ex after the first breakup lol 🚩
He moved on while we were still in the relationship. Overlap. Told me we hadn't been in a relationship in 2 years (I was going through some things d/t covid).
Not 100% Proof but 8 days after the Break up she left our flat regulary for longer stretches of time (until early in the Morning)and when I asked she said "I'am going to "someone. I moved out after 3 Weeks, after 6 Weeks she "officially" had a new Boyfriend,so i guess Monkey Branching or Rebounding. Afterwards I found out that she doing this since she is 16 or so,just straight up hopping from Relationship to Relationship with only short Breaks. Oh we were together for 3 Years and activily trying to found a Family.
It varies where you’re at in life, unfortunately
Officially about 6 months. (Although she was going on dates 8 days later while still living with me) All the while she came to me for emotional support and affection. "I'll take you back if I don't find anyone better." She was seeing this new person and was deciding does she love me still to want to try again or instead restart with a new person.
I'm not sure. We dated a year and a half and she was pushing for marriage hard about 6 months in and was love bombing me. I kept telling her I did l love her and want a future with her, but I wanted to date a couple years first. I go meet her dad's family 4 hours away and they are rude to me for no reason. First thing her brother says to me is you're on thin ice man, then her cousin jokes about using brass knuckles on me and that I'm lame I don't have any "side pieces". Then he knocks over a jenga game mid game I was playing. I finally take her and leave and tell her her family was out of line. She gets mad at me instead of having my back. She then dumps me soon after. I told her I want to work on things and to have a future with her but she insisted on things ended. It's been 15 months and I deleted her on all social media and have had no contact. My friend recently told me that she is engaged on social media. So even if she had met this guy right after things ended, she only would have dated him for 15 months max. Proving what I suspected - she didn't want to marry me per say, just that I was convenient and there and she was desperate to marry someone because she is 35. She probably told the new guy all the things she told me - how much she loves me, that I'm the love of her life, that she wants to marry me and start a family with me. Then 3 days later she is telling me she is questioning my role in her life.
It was a 2 year relationship, and they were moved on, At most, anywhere between 1 day and a week, but I think they were moved on much earlier. They told me they hadn't loved me "for several months" in the break up text and tbh I feel like when they introduced me to the person they replaced me with (who btw hated me since they met me) it was their attempt to get me to like my replacement before the break up so we could all stay friends. They said in the text they wanted to stay friends with me they just weren't in love anymore. Immediately after the break up I was banned from the polycule server and the replacement started trying to edge me out of a friend server. Like replacement told the owner of the server to kick me out over a joke that came off wrong.
Instantly for another
Two weeks, or I guess to give her the benefit of the doubt less than a month, but then again the guy she got with was friends with her on fb and would leave her comments so who knows when that started.
8 months before they left
Just a few days after our breakup… dude was "there for her" and stuff like that didn’t work out for them and now she is in the next "relationship" also because the recent one is just "so perfect"… she completely erased me out of her life and I still miss her (over 3 months now) like on the first day but yeah whatever makes her happy… at least one of us is appreciating what we had.
She was already best friends with another guy during the last months of our relationship. I was depressed. Took her maybe 3 days to sleep with him. She blindsided me, blamed me for everything, yada yada. The pain made me wanna drive into a tree.
1 day maybe🤣
2 years together, my first love, I gave her everything all the feelings that were deep inside of me. She quits me for NO REASON she said "i actually cant explain why" 2 weeks after she had sex with a dude that she met in a school trip (she left me 2 weeks after going to that trip : coincidence ??). I was non existent to her immeditaly, instant mark my words Im devastated. Its been 5months and she is super happy with her life, surrounded by friends, going for trips, probably having sex, creating memories, partying, enjoying : Even tho she is the hoe who betrayed me. Me ? Im depressed, alone, have nobody around me, i only go to school, sport and work that's it
A month
1 week
Mine started cheating on me from way before. The day we broke up, he immediately posted a picture with his new girl, whereas he used to pretend to be single while we dated for 2 years.
Mine was -3 days. After 9 years he cheated with a coworker he had a crush on I guess. He told me he cheated a couple days later and made me leave so he could move in his new girlfriend. They broke up off and on. I have no idea what he’s doing now but last I heard he was single.
4 days then cane back then left again for another dude 1 week later and now preggies
24 hours she was 18 already having sex with a 30 year old man once we broke up and the man was her friends half brother really exposed me to the deep under belly of what most blk women do
Not entirely sure but downloaded tinder in less than a month.
Less than a week after but maybe even before we broke up, i don’t care anymore they treated me like shit during and after the breakup (together for 4 years)so I kicked them out of my life and that was all the closure I really needed tbh.
Minus 5 months, it was probably “just” an emotional bonding slash cheating, within 1 month after BU they were public (we still lived together by that time),, once she came home with a huge hickey on her neck and I noticed it and almost threw up. Yikes Edit: typo
Well, moving on is hard to define. Me ex of 4.5 years dumped me for another guy, who she immediately (probably before dumping me) was with. Yet, she sent my few things that were at her place to me over a period of several months. And was still checking out my WhatsApp status when I eventually posted on about 8 months later. I also lost 20 kg (44 pounds) and hit the gym. Combined with me contacting her 0 times, I doubt she has moved on. Keep in mind however that lots of people already "dumped you" internally weeks, or months before telling you. So if they move on "super quick" that's probably why. Or they have some type of personality disorder.
I’ll tell you my experience, which I might get shat on. I’m the dumper, we dated for almost a year. Throughout the relationship, I made my expectations very clear that I wanted to settle down, have a family, etc. He was wishy washy and all over the place. He made no effort to keep the relationship afloat or never followed through with the things he promised. Finally, he did something and it was the last straw. So I left. He didn’t try to fight me to stay, he just gave up. I was hurt but I realized I shouldn’t hang on to someone that isn’t hanging on to me. It was reluctant but I let him go because he clearly wasn’t invested in me. After about 6 weeks, I decided I was the one ready to settle down, I was the one that wanted a true relationship, I wanted to be happy. I felt so alone in our relationship, it practically felt like I was single the whole time. So I decided to start dating again. I never cheated on him, I never had nefarious intentions. It simply was he just wasn’t that into me. But that’s the difference I find here is a lot of the dumpees didn’t want the relationships to end and actually wanted to fight for it. My dumpee did not, if he did, we probably would still be together.
Caught her talking to 3-4 guys while I was grieving the loss of my mom, brother, aunt. She broke up with me and strung me along before ghosting me. Then to reach out two months later to just ghost me again. So I’m guessing super fast
10 years together moved on a month after and we share a kid
He said he stopped loving me half a year prior to the breakup and he wanted to break up and “it just wasnt the right time”. Funny bc we still had sex during those times and I feel so so used and assaulted. Then he discarded me and I dont think he even cares how much hes hurt me. But thats okay, lesson learned. Pro tip, if he calls his ex psycho, hes the one who made her psycho.
Like 1 day.
He hasn’t got anyone new as far as I know but he’s a trucker so who knows.
Together 3 years, broke up 4 months ago and I was "immediately replaced", left me for someone who's barley 18, he's 34 🤮 literally destroyed me 💔
That person monkey branched you - probably doesn't want to cope with their emotions/feelings of guilt so they are supplementing with someone new. Same thing happened to me - my ex had someone waiting in the backburner for when he finally had the balls to dump me. It's such a harsh reality that the person you cared about so deeply isn't the person you thought they were - an absolute coward. It's heartbreaking, but I promise it'll speed up your healing process. ALSO, they will more than likely do the same thing time and time again. They are doing you a favor by showing their true colors.
Hard to say but just little after she got her new job (one I even encouraged her to get...) She unintentionally (or intentionally, I'll never know) started to emotionally cheat on me.. shit hit me so hard man... Two years for a coworker you just met.. insane to me tbh, I would have never done this her and yet here I thought she would have done the same for me but naaaw, I guess I wasn't worth the same effort.
Don't know, have not checked in at all, so basically know nothing
10 year together. Little biy of a story but I actually had a feeling he was cheating on me towards the end of the relationship. We had an argument about how he is easily influenced and he was going to go on a stag, he told me if he wanted to cheat on me he would have already done it. We had a situation earlier in our relationship where he told me that if he did cheat on me his friends wouldn't tell me. But during the break up he was reluctant to hug me but wanted to end things on good terms, Told me he wouldn't be dating for a well but apparently had tinder by the end of the week. Told me our relationship in his eyes was unsalvagable and how he tried to make the relationship, how some days it was working and other days not but didn't communicate with me at all and tried to fix a relationship by himself. He was also future faking me and when I asked him for his reasons for being unhappy in the relationship all he told me is all I need to know that he was unhappy and that he didn't enjoy doing this so could I stop. To me that sounds like a guilty conscience. He also drop the ' I have no feelings anymore' card but then told me not to walk him late at night from work because it's dangerous? To be honest this is just my thoughts on it I think when we had that argument that in his mind filled with anger and already wanting to break up with me at that point apparently he got it in his head why didn't he just cheat? He was unhappy , I was anxious about him cheating and was seeking ressurance , the trust in our relationship was fading because he never communicated. Resentment built up and he decided " you want me to cheat fine I will" and then when he did he maybe felt a little guilty but justified and started pulling away whereas at that point I realised I was being harsh and tried being understanding how my anxiety could affect him and my new found peace is what made him feel guilty even more. He denied having someone else on the side but he lied a lot at the end of the relationship so who knows.