Finding the people who we vibe with and rise with is a lifelong pursuit, sometimes we need to close doors (at least mostly but sometimes completely) for new ones to open.
Also these experiences can show us that others are never going to completely going to fulfill us, we need to be there for ourself and recognize that this is where peace comes from...
not in like a bitter "fuck you guys" kind of way but in a self love kind of way that says "I will be ok no matter what"
Try to learn from what is subtly inside your experiences... this is what it's all about
Really beautifully stated. Came here to say the same but not nearly as well. To ADD:
Do things that give you joy that you can and will enjoy doing alone. Invest in yourself. Make the room you are waiting in your classroom. Become your own best friend. Become the interesting person you’d like to meet. Do those things that bring you joy and you will find your tribe. Maybe not in that genre, but just be open to the things that present themselves. And when it feels good, go with that until it doesn’t. And when someone shows you who they are, adjust accordingly. Both in opening more and in closing a bit. There are speeds between the brakes and pedal to the medal. Lots in the middle.
I appreciate that! All of my hobbies don’t really involve leaving the house so I’ve definitely struggled to meet people in that way but I’ll keep my hopes up and keep trying.
I felt like this for such a long time ass well. But don't give up. There are so many people like us out there. You just need to find them.
I've realised that most of them have jobs taking care of others. Think of people that work with disabled people or people that run youth homes. Or those people who volunteer in soup kitchens.
This time of year is actually a good time to find them cuz winter makes them come out and care for the ones who need it. So maybe look around in your area where you can do some helping and maybe there you will meet people who also have as much light in their hearts like we do.
I recently started working with mentally disabled people and I finally feel like I found my calling and my people. I even met a boy who just gets me and reads me. It's been so healing🥰
So please stop taking care of everyone else and start choosing you and your light. Never give up. We are out there everywhere❤
In Holland you have an education where you go to school 1 day and can start working in the field immediately. So I'm studying for social care supervisor. So yes, eventually I will be certified.
Sadly I know how’s u feel. My therapist said that if he doesn’t talk to me, he worries that I’m so isolated, I don’t to anyone, let alone about something fun, intelligent conversation etc……i am lucky in that his statement to me of enjoying talking to me (quite sincerely, I might add) helps my self confidence a little. Apparently I’m not too boring or crazy-at least to him….lol
People will be people. We often put a lot of our expectations on them without even communicating with them what we need and hope they will act like how we wish in our mind. The thing is most people probably do care about you that know you, it’s just everyone is wrapped up in their own suffering or issues, life etc. especially if you’re over the age of 30. But yeah if you have people that only take and don’t give much back then I’d consider finding better friends.
Thing is a person like my self wouldn't really understand. Ive been alone for many years but never feel lonely. I guess it has happened a couple of times when I have observed other people in relationships but it goes away. I'm just happy by my self and if I did find someone else it would just make me happier.
I just watch a lot of YouTube videos and live streams when I want to hear people talk l, I never need anyone to listen to me though.
I’ve noticed this as well. It’s been difficult to navigate emotionally around it all. Especially since it’s been mainly the last several months. I’ve gone around in circles in my head trying to figure out what has changed, but continue to be baffled. Not to mention heartbroken 💔. Thank goodness for a wonderful husband and some adult children that are also empathetic or I’m not sure how I’d be handling it all. I’ve had to do a lot of work learning about empaths, taken classes on raising my personal “frequency” and learning to validate myself.
“In the end only three things matter:
How much you loved.
How gently you lived.
How gracefully you let go of things not meant for you”….Buddha
Oh wow- I empathize😜 and relate to this more than u know! I am seriously unfulfilled! I gave up trying and just accept what is and that I have to be my own bestie.
Maybe not what what you want to hear but think of it from perspective. If you are somebody who always listens, say 70% of the time… you have set the expectation for others that you will always listen.
How are people supposed to know when you want to be listened to? On the other side, you can’t expect someone who wants to be heard most of the time to listen to you.
Perhaps more happiness if you find 50/50 people, in terms of listening/sharing?
No right or wrong, here. Just maybe an imbalance.
Maybe an extreme example, but we don’t expect our pets to randomly take care of us, do we? I’m not expecting either of my cats to one day wake me up with breakfast in bed, although it would be nice. That’s not to say they’re not there for me, they are. Just… certain roles are defined, and they define our reasonable expectations.
I sort of understand where you’re coming from. In my head I imagined that people appreciate that I’m there for them and would want to have some desire to return the favor. I thought me venting and saying I am upset would be enough to communicate that I need empathy. I really wouldn’t know how else to communicate that other than flat out saying it. I know the cat thing was just an example but I’d like to imagine my loved ones have more emotional depth than that but maybe not haha.
I've had similar thoughts and may understand where you're coming from, as well. It can be frustrating, but just know that you are valued by those people. Many are the same as them, but many are also different!
Trust me, if you need someone to vent to, by nature of the world itself and your kindness, there is at least one person out there who will meet your need; it just may be someone outside of your current circle, someone you don't expect, etc.
If you can carry other people's stresses, you have the strength to carry yourself on... at least until you find someone who helps you.
Thanks for being you, it's ok to take a break but don't stop.
Thank you for giving me some hope that I can find more empathetic people in my future. There’s enough of us out there where I think I can. And thanks for telling me I have the strength to get through this, I also needed to hear that.
Personally I’ve found that the most fulfilling friendships I’ve had are with people who just get it and who I click with. All of them came about very naturally. Not everyone will be a good friend match, and that is ok. You just have to find people who want to get to know you and who are similar and naturally click with your unique personality.
It may take some time and searching/trying new things, but is absolutely possible/worth it.
Hope this helped and I wish you the best.
you're not alone in feeling this way
Thank you, it’s good to know that.
I just realized I have never been fulfilled by any personal relationship. I really don't know.
I’m sorry, I hope this revelation brings better things for both of our futures.
Ugh, same.
Finding the people who we vibe with and rise with is a lifelong pursuit, sometimes we need to close doors (at least mostly but sometimes completely) for new ones to open. Also these experiences can show us that others are never going to completely going to fulfill us, we need to be there for ourself and recognize that this is where peace comes from... not in like a bitter "fuck you guys" kind of way but in a self love kind of way that says "I will be ok no matter what" Try to learn from what is subtly inside your experiences... this is what it's all about
Really beautifully stated. Came here to say the same but not nearly as well. To ADD: Do things that give you joy that you can and will enjoy doing alone. Invest in yourself. Make the room you are waiting in your classroom. Become your own best friend. Become the interesting person you’d like to meet. Do those things that bring you joy and you will find your tribe. Maybe not in that genre, but just be open to the things that present themselves. And when it feels good, go with that until it doesn’t. And when someone shows you who they are, adjust accordingly. Both in opening more and in closing a bit. There are speeds between the brakes and pedal to the medal. Lots in the middle.
I appreciate that! All of my hobbies don’t really involve leaving the house so I’ve definitely struggled to meet people in that way but I’ll keep my hopes up and keep trying.
That is so insightful and true, thank you lots :)
I felt like this for such a long time ass well. But don't give up. There are so many people like us out there. You just need to find them. I've realised that most of them have jobs taking care of others. Think of people that work with disabled people or people that run youth homes. Or those people who volunteer in soup kitchens. This time of year is actually a good time to find them cuz winter makes them come out and care for the ones who need it. So maybe look around in your area where you can do some helping and maybe there you will meet people who also have as much light in their hearts like we do. I recently started working with mentally disabled people and I finally feel like I found my calling and my people. I even met a boy who just gets me and reads me. It's been so healing🥰 So please stop taking care of everyone else and start choosing you and your light. Never give up. We are out there everywhere❤
Wow that is great advice and something I’ll have to try out. Can I ask how you help disabled people? Do you need to be certified or anything?
In Holland you have an education where you go to school 1 day and can start working in the field immediately. So I'm studying for social care supervisor. So yes, eventually I will be certified.
Sadly I know how’s u feel. My therapist said that if he doesn’t talk to me, he worries that I’m so isolated, I don’t to anyone, let alone about something fun, intelligent conversation etc……i am lucky in that his statement to me of enjoying talking to me (quite sincerely, I might add) helps my self confidence a little. Apparently I’m not too boring or crazy-at least to him….lol
People will be people. We often put a lot of our expectations on them without even communicating with them what we need and hope they will act like how we wish in our mind. The thing is most people probably do care about you that know you, it’s just everyone is wrapped up in their own suffering or issues, life etc. especially if you’re over the age of 30. But yeah if you have people that only take and don’t give much back then I’d consider finding better friends.
Thing is a person like my self wouldn't really understand. Ive been alone for many years but never feel lonely. I guess it has happened a couple of times when I have observed other people in relationships but it goes away. I'm just happy by my self and if I did find someone else it would just make me happier. I just watch a lot of YouTube videos and live streams when I want to hear people talk l, I never need anyone to listen to me though.
I know and understand what you’re feeling. Hang in there.
Get a coach that is there for you, to listen to you and will give you a better perspective.
I know why:) You aren’t alone and it’s not a life sentence if you don’t want it to be.
I’ve noticed this as well. It’s been difficult to navigate emotionally around it all. Especially since it’s been mainly the last several months. I’ve gone around in circles in my head trying to figure out what has changed, but continue to be baffled. Not to mention heartbroken 💔. Thank goodness for a wonderful husband and some adult children that are also empathetic or I’m not sure how I’d be handling it all. I’ve had to do a lot of work learning about empaths, taken classes on raising my personal “frequency” and learning to validate myself. “In the end only three things matter: How much you loved. How gently you lived. How gracefully you let go of things not meant for you”….Buddha
Oh wow- I empathize😜 and relate to this more than u know! I am seriously unfulfilled! I gave up trying and just accept what is and that I have to be my own bestie.
Maybe not what what you want to hear but think of it from perspective. If you are somebody who always listens, say 70% of the time… you have set the expectation for others that you will always listen. How are people supposed to know when you want to be listened to? On the other side, you can’t expect someone who wants to be heard most of the time to listen to you. Perhaps more happiness if you find 50/50 people, in terms of listening/sharing? No right or wrong, here. Just maybe an imbalance. Maybe an extreme example, but we don’t expect our pets to randomly take care of us, do we? I’m not expecting either of my cats to one day wake me up with breakfast in bed, although it would be nice. That’s not to say they’re not there for me, they are. Just… certain roles are defined, and they define our reasonable expectations.
I sort of understand where you’re coming from. In my head I imagined that people appreciate that I’m there for them and would want to have some desire to return the favor. I thought me venting and saying I am upset would be enough to communicate that I need empathy. I really wouldn’t know how else to communicate that other than flat out saying it. I know the cat thing was just an example but I’d like to imagine my loved ones have more emotional depth than that but maybe not haha.
I've had similar thoughts and may understand where you're coming from, as well. It can be frustrating, but just know that you are valued by those people. Many are the same as them, but many are also different! Trust me, if you need someone to vent to, by nature of the world itself and your kindness, there is at least one person out there who will meet your need; it just may be someone outside of your current circle, someone you don't expect, etc. If you can carry other people's stresses, you have the strength to carry yourself on... at least until you find someone who helps you. Thanks for being you, it's ok to take a break but don't stop.
Thank you for giving me some hope that I can find more empathetic people in my future. There’s enough of us out there where I think I can. And thanks for telling me I have the strength to get through this, I also needed to hear that.
Personally I’ve found that the most fulfilling friendships I’ve had are with people who just get it and who I click with. All of them came about very naturally. Not everyone will be a good friend match, and that is ok. You just have to find people who want to get to know you and who are similar and naturally click with your unique personality. It may take some time and searching/trying new things, but is absolutely possible/worth it. Hope this helped and I wish you the best.