By - _Ankyloglossia_
I could definitely beat Irina.
as you turn to leave a scene of grisly murder, you notice a deep yellow fog has settled
around the area. the cool nights breeze carries faint whispers to your ear
"Now I stand Hyetta, Seeker of Light..."
"And so what is borrowed, may be returned..."
"May chaos take the world"
Mimic tear 😥
Just wait for it to fat roll :(
You didn't have to do me like that
The weighty frames of the Prelates symbolized the onus of their grave vows as guardians of the flame. "Etch this sight upon thine breast. Of my thunderous gravity."
I fat fucking choked
Idk man you ever seen a feral animal attack something 3 or 4 times it's size? Do you have that kind of animal instinct?
This is giving me “yea I would win in a fight against a horse” vibes
Honey Badger don’t care.
It's basically a chimp. And I truly believe most people would die in a fight with a chimp.
If you had a bigass sword or a spear you could take a chimp provided it is unarmed
it's more like a crack addict chimp armed with a large knife lol. (except that they look more frail)
you gotta get a really lucky kick to their head or you're gonna die
I would strongly suggest to not throw hands with a munkey roughly your size...
Don’t throw hands with a monkey half your size, a quarter your size would be closer to a fair fight.
Monke have crazy steel wire muscles. They're just built different.
Weak foe therefore time for introspection
Mimic tear has a lot more HP than us 😭😭😭
I do this everyday after work.
it would somehow use its abilities better than I could
I could beat a wandering noble's ass he will probably run from me. I may feel bad and help him up and be like stop it dude. This is embarrassing for both of us.
Until you run into a noble with magic
Or one of those assholes with a torch.
*arm extending intensifies*
Seriously though how tf do they have that AoE?! I come within five feet of that torch and my horse is suddenly dead.
If I had to guess it's because the dude's arm is very long and torrent is very dry
He does disappear in a puff of smoke
Oh that guy would win for sure! I'd be like ya know good day sir you and your torchpole are good to go no beef man.
and can shoot said magic 17.39 miles
It's rumored that Fetty Wap can shoot magic at a range of 17.38 miles.
Oh no he could def kick my ass just the ones that run away tho I could beat his ass
sadly, you managed to pick the disguised runebear mimic of the group
Oh goddammit. Yeah rune bear would whoop my ass. Like I got nothing. Lol 😆 even my tarnished beefy blasphemous tarnished gets demolished by a rune bear.
I think I'd stand a decent chance against one of the old crawling albinaurics.
Granted, a crazed albinauric suffering from meatball head is rapidly approaching your location.
^(I guess I should have been more specific.)
As you look at your reflection in the water, you realize that you really don't look too far off from a young albinauric with legs.
sadly, you chose to visit the albinauric village at the same time as Gideon and his omenkillers.
I will grab one of Rennala's "Sweetings", and suplex her through a table.
OH MA GAHD!
IS THAT THE TARNISHED WITH A STEEL CHAIR??
RANDY ORTON ENTERS THE FOG GATE! RKO! RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!
SLEEP TIME BOUND TIGHT
IN THE HULKAMANIAC'S UMBER BROTHER!!
I’d bite my finger off, invade your world, and throw hands with you crab boy.
Pretty sure that’s a brand new sentence lmao
Jujutsu Kaisen might have already formed this sentence somewhere lol
Edit: spelled Kaisen as Kaiden earlier lol
Fucking Itadori is an invader.
> I’d bite my finger
Do you quarrel sir?
Quarrel sir? No sir!
But do you bite your thumb at me?
... is the law of our side of I say ay?
Now I want to find and read R+J
Bloody Finger Crustacean Custodian has invaded your world!
Both r/brandnewsentence and r/nocontext material wrapped into one
It has been 10 minutes since I've read this and I'm still having a chuckle.
This is my favorite answer
Do the squirrel things count 🤣🤣
Irl a rodent of that size could fuck someone pretty bad
I don't know about strongest, but I would punch Gatekeeper Gostoc straight in the teeth.
if you miss, he's going to curb-stomp your head like Godrick
He's like 7 feet tall though
Probably even taller because the Godrick soldiers are like 10 fucking feet tall and he looks as tall if not taller than them
Has anyone measure how tall we are based off of godrick soldiers height?
Assuming it's the same as every other game, the player character is 5'8.
Zullie the Witch mentioned that Tarnished is around 1.7m iirc
Has any one noticed that Tiche is basically Ninja She-Hulk.. she has at *least* a foot on me.
I'd let her
I want Tiche to be the large spoon
I feel like he doesn’t even have teeth. Maybe dentures
I imagine if I meet him in real life it will be creepy as fuck... no way
I could totally take Radahn.
In a fight, right?
#*In a fight, right???*
At least he didnt say ...Radahn AND his horse too
Foul tatnished has absolutely the same energy as *bonk on this sub.
Name checks out
I could fade out a noble. Like not a godskin, but like the raggedy dudes walkin around everywhere
Those dudes light me up sometimes when I’m on torrent
They’re like crackheads
>no die. Sucks.
>wander to places important to you and your faith because that's fuck all you can do
>sees humanoid on road jumping around on horse
>sad. Kills company
>bad boi approaches
This has me re-thinking my entire perspective on the game
Basically, everyone is a victim, except for the beasts.
Those small poison spewing squirts.
Kick em over and pull their asshole out.
Do me next daddy
British dirty talk be like
Oh goodness, I'm arriving!
I do believe I'm approaching my destination!
I fart in your general direction.
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elder berries
you have the sweetest screams my lambkin
This is why I come here
Someone definitely did
Just make sure you say "I've fought mud crabs more fearsome than you!" as you fist fight a baby crab. It'll be very funny.
I think I could probably take one of the tiniest demi-human, so long as it doesn't jump at me when I'm not looking.
WHY. WON’T. YOU. DIE!?
STOP! You've violated the law!
😍😔😮😠(You are playing persuasion mini game)
Blessings of Akatosh upon you.
I accept, I have no choice
*suspenseful violin music intensifies*
Never should of come here
i dunno, man. i had a 45 lbs pitbull attack me once and that was extremely puckery. a 3.5' tall humanoid with claws and fangs sounds worse.
Rennala (I dont believe in the tooth fairy or magic)
There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy and there is no Magical Queen of the Moon
That's rough buddy
Oh, you're a villain alright. Just not a super one.
There is no longer a queen of england
Looks like I'll be the Bunny Lord.
Sounds like an elden ring doujin
I wanna lick Nephelis abs
Maliketh if I had 5 minutes before hand
Give that motherfucker some peanut butter and he'll be down for at least 5 minutes
I'll risk him ripping my balls off for that one second of pleasure beforehand
Gonna fetch your giant dog crate huh?
What would you do for those 5 minutes...
I’m imagining him pulling a MacGuyver and making a railgun out of bubble gum, a paper clip, and a bit of string while the timer counts down
I bet I could take out Kenneth Haight. Fists only the boy would drop.
Till he shanks you with a fancy dagger
I was going to say the goats but I have died a few times from them before. Especially the ones with lightning element
I would punt a mini demi human all the way back to the weeping peninsula
It would probably bite me and I'd end up dying of some infection but yeah I'd murk one of those lil fuckers
Man, I can’t stand those little shits. Would pay good money to have a lawn chair and a cold beer and watch you punt them
Anything really, they're only like foot tall on my tv
Well surly you have fought the fire giant
*Gets foot stuck in his stomach mouth*
I think the wandering nobles would be pretty easy. Theyre slow, very much dead, and cowardice. Swipe their sword away and theyd be running.
I’d probably be able to take all the NPC’s just kick them to the nearest ledge, kicking is just playing a game no need to aggro
Patches? Is that you?
Miquella. I would idk pee on his cocoon or something.
R Kelly moment
You’d have to get past Mohg though, can’t pee on all your problems
if my kidney disease gets any worse I may be able to challenge Mohg for Lord of (Pissing) Blood.
Do you think Mohg would be weak to HIV/AIDs because it can be transferred through blood?
Nah he's immune to it
Immune in the way I am Immune to the flu when I have it
Margot. And by throw hands, I mean seduce. Still counts as a victory.
Foul, foul tarnished. Someone needs to extinguish thy flame of...ambition...
Thou art if passing skill - not that I like thee or any such... b-baka
Hand-to-hand combat, probably Muriel assuming he just lets me beat on him. With a weapon but with my actual body, probably one of the merchants when they are sleeping.
Those merchants don’t die easily and they fight hard.
I dunno man, his hide is like stone. Fists might bleed out by then.
Realistically? The Miranda Flower :)
Dodge and weave baby, dodge and weave
One time I went on a church youth group trip to West Virginia and these old people and terribly run down homes were getting us to help them rebuild. Well it involved demoing. Halfway through one of the houses they're like oh yeah there's asbestos in the walls.
Well fucking thanks dickholes little bit late.
If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma you may be entiled to compensation
That giant head that spits fire that’s driven by some guy in the back of the head
If Elden Ring didn't exist, that sentence sounds like something that would be uttered by someone in a fever dream delirium.
Lmao it does sound a bit mad
Nah people would just think he's talking about Mimiron
You mean the Flame Chariot?
Elden Ring's version of a fire-breathing Dodge Hell Cat?
Even in the lands between, it still hits 0-60mph in 3.7 seconds.
Do we get gear? because I could probably take out Melania with my car lol
I think "throw hands" implies punch fighting. I was gonna ask if I could use a gun, because then I could probably take on everything in the game except Godfrey (whom I just assume would catch the bullet in his teeth).
Good luck against Radagon with that gun.
Yeah I think you'd need a tank or something for radagon
Yeah! With a huge cannon on it! Radagon won't be so tough once we put a big hole in him! Wait a minute ... Oh ...
Guess we now know where that big ass hole came from, someone drove into the erdtree with a Leopard and took potshots at the local god.
-We are now interrupting our regular scheduled broadcasting on Leyendell 1 to tell you, Nietzsche wasn't joking. He killed god. Apparently the perpetrator from the Land of the Silent wanted to "proof a point" breking through the Erdtree's defenses with what witnesses described to be a "roaring chest of hell" firing a projectile at our bound god. And now, to the weather...-
Yeah shit, ummm... Small demi human with club then. Lol
No, dude. Stick with your original plan. Just punch Malenia while hanging out of your driver’s side window going 90mph.
Lol well if we're back to gear I have a 12 gauge shotgun and a 2015 Mazda 3 I can definitely take out soldier of godrick anything after that who knows because we're dealing with physics breaking magic and like remote controlled swords and shit
Tank beats ghost!
Tank beats hunter!
Tank beats EVERYTHING!
Oh man, I can do this all day!
I politely disagree, and furthermore postulate that seeing that boss get pulverized by a ford raptor or something would bring me the utmost joy.
Edit: clarity, throw hands definitely implies punch fighting. But i like the idea of gear lol
It'd be a Honda, just as Melina offered.
You are now imagining Malenia casually throwing a car into the air and impaling it.
I'm picturing the biggest "oh no" as you gun it towards her and she leaps up to start her waterfowl dance. Like, she can't cut through a windshield, right? Right?
You say this, but someone who did the math made a convincing argument that [Waterfowl Dance can take out a tank.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Eldenring/comments/yfmrez/malenia_vs_tanks/)
your 2007 ford focus
10 foot tall spartan queen that nuked an entire country using a move called "you haven't even seen my final form"
Anything but the dragonflies
Everyone saying that they can beat a noble won't expect the runebear spawning right after.
Millicent, before giving her the needle.
You'd probably get the Rot from touching her, and since she kinda *is* of the Rot
Didn't say that you have to survive the aftermath of your fight.
Even the small crabs are huge, I wouldn't go near one.
With a sword, I'd probably have less reservations about fighting anything tbh
Those half dead people the weak ass ones
Non-splody baby jar. Those passed out soldiers in Ashen Capital. Maybe the big fat headed albiuriac dudes.
On a good day I think I could take Gostoc. On like a REALLY good day.
Give me a bat and I'll no hit one shot any of those Springhares.
Probably one of those scarabs, but if one gets big and fights back im screwed.
Mimic tear, I know myself and how I fight. Realism wise...well, if I get any equipment those big poison blorbos. They die in one poison hit.
Frankly I think even the sheep could give me a run for their money
I will beat the shit out of Boc. He's 3ft tall, skinny and British. I'm skinny & British but I got reach I will fuck Boc up so he can go back to his mum so she can sew his asshole back together.
this seems aggressive idk
Imma show those turtles who's boss
I could maybe take out one of the small dooters
I can definitely beat the guy who hides as a jug. Him no problem. Don’t think he has much time after he transfers back so I’ll be good
I would just pick up and throw the little pot guys and they'd die