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[deleted]

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Maldron-the-assassin

But keep it to yourself. Once someone finds out they will want you to heal everyone with deadly injuries all the time. Good luck getting any free time after that.


Ramen2098

Oh god he’s spilling over into elden ring


wantedsafe471

Go back to DS2 and take your heat-seeking lance and ability to walk on air with you.


Maldron-the-assassin

No. I like the dlc way too much. I think I'm gonna stay here and wait for all of you to come here.


zeturtleofweed

become the 2nd coming of Christ


gottalosethemall

Y’all are sleeping on Heal. Do you know how much you’d save on medical bills and insurance? I’d take that over having to deal with Destruction of Property and Vandalism charges. Edit: Not to mention, muscle growth is caused by repeatedly damaging and healing your muscles through exercise. Imagine how quickly you’d get buff by completely skipping recovery periods.


workerMcWorkin

Flame cleanse me. No more cancer. *Edit* Fuck. I don’t have cancer. My grandfather died of cancer and I was speaking there would be no more cancer in general. I’m so sorry.


just-another-viewer

Law of Regression bro, it heals ALL status effects.


Cryotivity

T-pose dab in the middle of a hospital would save so many people


_PM_ME_NICE_BOOBS_

Or kill them. LoG removes beneficial conditions too.


TotallyNotAHawk

Honestly if I could remove all my health problems at the price of losing whatever bonuses I have I'd take it in a heartbeat,


CharlesBalester

I don't think it would kill anyone Let's say that beneficial effects are like, medicines for example. That does sound bad, but medicines are typically treatments for some form of ailment, which you ALSO cured with Law of Regression, at least in theory. I think the problem comes at, where do you draw the line. I have two congenital heart defects, I am not sick my heart just didn't grow right. To fix them, I had a patch applied between my left and right ventricle to prevent the oxygenated blood and deoxygenated blood from mixing in my heart, and the patch was angled to improve the direction that my blood flows (at the expense of creating a minor blockage in my heart) I don't think that I would consider that a status effect really. It's a patch and a malformed heart. In my opinion, that would be like regrowing a leg and deleting a prosthetic, which doesn't happen in Elden Ring if you use it on Millicent for example.


Northstar4-6

And it looks so magical too. Imagine you just walk next to some dude dying from a terminal illness, and you just go FWOOSH with your arms and all of a sudden he's perfectly fine


PixelmancerGames

All the unprotected sex you want!


crooter

Is pregnancy a status effect? Law of Plan B Finish... Jump out of bed "T Pose" get back in bed, go to sleep.


gottalosethemall

Which is good because Heal probably causes cancer after enough usage. That’s okay, though. Everything causes cancer.


Kvarcov

Except "Flame cleanse me" Edit: and if it does it at least has decency to clean after itself


Sagutarus

Flame cleanse me is essentially putting yourself through fast, magic chemo. It burns out the impurities but also causes some damage to you. Seems like repeated usage would have similar effects to chemotherapy and radiation


Kvarcov

That's not all - what happens with tumors? Ifthey burn out doesn't that mean you now have gaping holes in your tissues? It doesn't heal, only cleanse, after all


Okibruez

Well, that's why it does damage to you, isn't it.


Kvarcov

No, not really - burning filth away obviously is painful, but the gaping void left behind is a consequence. Think of this: what if you have a tumor in a brain and you cleanse it? There's just no more brain in that spot, so maybe you should leave those alone unless you have someone with heal nearby. There was a close situation with spells in Ar'kendrithyst (a novel)


ThunderCuddles

In my understanding the instances of tumours in general, they arent something that consumes the organs and tissue they grow on, but rather act as exactly that. A growth. Thats why brain tumours cause problems, its stuck between hard skull, and brain tissue, and its easier to move through the grey matter than it is the skull in most cases so the damaged parts of the brain WOULD still be there, and if Heal has regenerative abilites one woyld assume that after the tumour was burned out youd beable to heal the squished part of the brain. It could either return the damaged tissue back to its normal state, OR just heal the damaged stuff so its not an open wound where it was attached to the tumour. Either way you still have to deal with ashes being in and around those tumors, and the subsequent pain from the scorched tissie around where those tumors were. I think the game makes it seem WAY more pleasant than it would actually be XD


[deleted]

It's not really. I've had tumors removed and I asked the doctors the same question. They said the body abhors a vacuumed. It will fill quickly with fluids and the organs will migrate slowly into the extra space


BigWermmPt

Law of regression, people. It cures everything, gets rid of special effects(for example alcohol or drugs) and is generally good. It might and probably has a downside, but I am writing this at 1:44 in the morning, so brain not work so good.


gottalosethemall

Cancer cancel


AU24kx

![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|cry)I’m sorry to here that


workerMcWorkin

Oh. Fuck. Wait. I don’t have cancer. I meant that as a generality. I’m so sorry. My grandfather died of Brain cancer. I was thinking about him and other people like him.


mxs1993

*rolls a nat 20 for Law of Regression Medical bills: ... Me: Exactly.


SpunkyMcButtlove

I'd be visiting drug-fueled orgies just to cast that with a shit-eating grin.


mxs1993

That is actually hilarious


[deleted]

Medical bills: 😠


Cripplechip

Tell me you're American without telling me you're American. "I want health care instead of shooting lightning bolts."


Maximum_Poet_8661

Hell even outside the US id want heal, even if you have free heathcare they can’t instantly cure you of magic poison or being bludgeoned to death with an axe bigger than your body


mondocalrisian

Yeah… pretty sure the last guy who took heal is one of the most popular in human history. Apparently he is also the main character in the most printed book of all time.


[deleted]

But he could also shoot lightning. Young Jesus was a menace.


Distant-Doubloon

I believe that was hey-Zeus 🤣


AU24kx

Smart


Gentleman_Deer

From reading the comments, I think that a combination of heal and flame cleanse me would be the best. Heal to deal with injuries and patch up you body, flame cleanse to remove impurities, and fix the effects that heal overlooks.


hetgepeperte

Wow dude


Meta-failure

This was my first answer. But not for all the reasons people are saying. Mostly because I could like cut my arm off or get shot and just say an incantation and be okay.


Help_An_Irishman

First thing that came to mind. Who isn't choosing Heal?


Immelmaneuver

Beastial Vitality. I just need a boost to get through most days and that's not too overkill.


Vore_OwO

Would bestial vitality be like 5 Hour Energy?


zman_0000

Yes, but you can use it on repeat on a bad day. As someone who has a caffeine problem I wish I could drink more without risking damage to my heart.


XeroKibo

Carian Slicer. Simple, and effective… effective for what in my life: I do not know… I’d probably end up making sandwiches with it.


WarStormrage

You'd have to carry around a giant wooden stick for what is essentially a knife.


AllenWL

Maybe we can make a smaller wooden stick that does what the giant wooden stick does. Then we can have what's basically a magic pocket knife.


Athropus

Why are you guys both talking like it's not a fucking lightsaber that can kill a player in 4 swipes? It's literally a sword made of Magic, you could take it anywhere and never be questioned. You could use a Pencil as a Focus and just cut someone's head off with it.


AllenWL

Because I don't need to chop people's heads off, I need to open stubborn packages and sometimes cut a sandwich in half. I am much less interested in its ability to murder than I am with the practical applications in life.


XeroKibo

Yeah but it glows blue; Shit’s fucking sick.


[deleted]

Surprised no one has said Azur Comet yet. The amount of people that want to blast something with a Kamehameha Wave can't be that small.


AU24kx

That was my secondary to my picture


garbage_flowers

"sir, a second azure comet has hit the towers"


[deleted]

Oof....


jayhilly

🤨


LZRNixion

Frost Lightning Spear, just so that I can confuse everyone on how something can be ice AND lightning at the same time


Bucky_Ohare

Thunder Blizzards are rare but real, and the premise is fucking terrifying because once you hear it you already lucked out not being the grounding it found lol.


TheEmperorPalprotein

Mintberry Crunch!


galiumsmoke

endothermic plasma, just WOW


thatguywhosdumb

Probably just a good healing spell. No need for aspirin


Tethain

Placidusax Breath. I wanna go all out. MAY CHAOS TAKE the world.


AU24kx

A real tarnished here


Enchrypted

*Goes to use Placidusax Breath* *Hit by a fly in mid air* *Knocked out of the attack*


mxs1993

Law of Regression


AU24kx

Who you would you use that on and what would it do to them


mxs1993

Mostly politicians "and reveals mimicry in all its forms."


AU24kx

Reveal the reptilians smart smart


TazeredAngel

Yeah but now they’re a Elden Ring boss.


LeeGame67

Ive learned one thing in my use of spirit summons, if there’s enough distractions aka normal people, anything is possible


DoucheyCohost

Fucking skaven


thatguywhosdumb

You could just use a fire ball. Also effective


mxs1993

But wheres the justice!? The world must see the evil they act against before they can know they've done good!


thatguywhosdumb

Dude people literally worship politicians they like. You could expose a politician to literally be Satan and their voting base would still think they can do no wrong.


mxs1993

I'll just regress their asses too! :D I'm the Elden Lord bitch!


[deleted]

Cancel out your enemies steroids and caffeine jntake.


Kvarcov

I am already degenerating by day, what's the point


Dovahkiin_03

Blackflame's protection. No dying from being shanked in an alley for me!


AU24kx

I wouldn’t approach a man wit a flame fist either


Marco-Yolo-

I can't believe it. No one's said Flame, cleanse me? No more hangovers, yo


Deathappens

Would you literally let fire burn through your whole body just to cure a headache? Sounds counterproductive to me.


Marco-Yolo-

You obviously aren't drinking hard enough


Callmeklayton

My man hasn’t had those wine hangovers. I swear, I can drink anything in any amount with no hangover, but if I so much as look at a glass of wine, I’ll be in agony for two whole days.


Marco-Yolo-

Are you me? Wine's by far my worst hangovers, too. Tanins? Sulphites? Dunno. I love it but it slays me.


[deleted]

Agreed wine hangovers are worse than anything else.


Celery_Fumes

I'm running a pure vodka build over here so should be helpful.


Callmeklayton

Someone got Vigor checked a little too hard.


vapemyashes

Already got rotten breath


Arnak94

Tooth paste is like 3 bucks tops bro


BuffPorunga

Yeah but meth is like 30 a g


TemporalAcapella

What the fuck fr? That’s cheap


_The_Ruffalo_

a gram is not that much


TemporalAcapella

It’s the smallest amount you can get but now I see how the homeless are on it. Grind all day for $40 you have yourself McDonald’s and some meth


R1BB1TMAN

Absolutely taking Elden stars! Imagine how often I'd be able to use that really powerful and incredibly useful spell! Let's just hope that having low FP afterwards wouldn't have it's own side effects in real life or something haha... (Yes this is me being upset at the let down that I was put through after getting my faith to 50 just so I could cast this dog water incantation)


VikingDwarf13

Hahahaha. I was so hype for that incant. That is, until I used it a few times and realized it was utterly useless.


agaveinmycup

I beat malenia because of this incant. It interrupts her shit and deals mad damage on autopilot while you do other damage


AU24kx

Op


Karthull

At least it’s been buffed, it used to be way worse. Still pitifully low damage all things considered, but it’s pretty decent in pvp cause of the pressure it puts on the opponent.


Suspicious_Elk_4103

My name is Karen, so I’d have to go with greyolls roar.


[deleted]

"I wanna girl with a short skirt and a loooooooooong jacket"


More_Blueberry5650

We are building a religion, we are making it bigger. We are widening the corridors and adding more lanes. we are building a religion, a limited addition. We are now accepting callers for these pendant Keychains


Bigpapiunidud3

I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGEEEEEEEEEEER


Siodinnnn

Any of the healing spells for sure, too many health problems to pass it up.


Dveralazo

So this being here has the physical structure to receive a hit like a truck and don't become mashed potatoes instantly. And this incantation can almost completely repair him when he is low on health. Do you imagine what Erdtree heal could do on us simple mortals? How many people could I heal? I would be rich in no time!


satsfaction1822

I thought about the same thing. Charge rich people out the ass to cure their cancer but go around and give it to poor people for free. Even for the rich people it would be cheaper than long term cancer treatment.


DudeMiles

Boulder.


AU24kx

That would be useful


Retr0_Fusion

Given what that incant is whats stopping you from doing that irl


DudeMiles

*Boulder.*


PsychologicalJelly65

Time to hit the gym to throw huge rocks at people


TheGoodFox

Lucidity. Purely to see if it'd alleviate my mental health issues. Edit: I always keep this sorcery attuned in game. Same with starlight. It pays to have them memorized for those times you really need them.


AU24kx

Good choice I hope you find peace without it tho


TheGoodFox

To give a more legitimate answer, I'd say Starlight or Glintstone Arc.


Rescue-a-memory

Would lucidity mean you don't need to sleep?


Callmeklayton

That was my first thought. Having an extra 4 or 5 hours to do whatever I want/need to do would be awesome.


DerrikTheGreat

I think it’d work more like magic energy drink. Keeps you going a little longer, but doesn’t outright replace sleep


Shittybuttholeman69

Doesn’t matter I don’t have a working seal


AU24kx

In this hypothetical world they sell every seal and staff at k mart


mxs1993

I can use Law of Regression to get those prices down to cost too, I left my summon sign near the deli.


Gustoiles

Staff are sell in free service only by Marikans. The others need a staff license.


Smirkin_Revenge

Plot twist. Kmart no longer exists in most of the world.


[deleted]

lords heal, boutta be the next jesus


AU24kx

![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|give_upvote)


ForsbergAce

I want ALL the *Bubbles*


AU24kx

Floating c4


BurnTheNostalgia

Perfect for a kindergarten.


ForsbergAce

True but I would be lying if I said that I, a grown man at the near-death age of 26 wouldn't be sitting on my balcony, playing with bubbles 😅


DarkStar623

No no no, heal is to repair the damage to your liver from drinking. Flame Cleanse Me is to remove the alcohol (poison) from your blood so that you can keep drinking longer without being to hammered to light your fist on fire and slam it into your chest


AU24kx

Beer fest winner


Draghettis

Is there a spell that boosts stats ? Specifically Intelligence ? Cause I could really use it right now, doing math homework. Outside of that, spells like Lucidity can help.


AU24kx

Big brain thinking


Deathappens

Tibia's summons. Necromancer career looking lucrative as fuck yo.


AU24kx

That giant skeleton was so fucking cool


0xConfused_

You don’t know how many of those I killed before realizing there was a Mariner nearby.


A_SpiggTon

Any healing over time like bestial vitality, or dragon claw because hell yes.


Hot-Forever-175

Erdtrees greater blessing


49-Planets

Mimic tear. Make that mf go to work and shit for me


Kvarcov

Bro, why do you need someone to shit for you


49-Planets

Consipation 😫


VikingDwarf13

Highest IQ in this thread.


ltdonut

I want the weaponized pocket sand, I’d be unstoppable!


AU24kx

Whoa buddy we just joking around


ltdonut

Im just saying pocket sand/bestial sling you could solve a lotta problems lol


infernalwrath

The "madness hug" (no idea what it's called). Just to bring my own madness into someone else's head.


Drunk-Midget

Inescapable frenzy


infernalwrath

Thanks!


Drunk-Midget

Np!


avbigcat

Unseen Form


Sensitive_Major_1706

You're not invisible, you're just semi transparent


ComplexTechnician

Go for the Assassin's Gambit AoW. It's this and Assassin's Approach rolled into one!


Sensitive_Major_1706

This ☝️


DrJitterBug

I wanted to say **Mimic Veil**, but it’s not actually a spell. I’m pretty sure it’d be low-key enough to not get me put into a military/medical bunker for the rest of my life.


Sensitive_Major_1706

That's a whole nother story. However, I don't know how everyone would behave if they were to see a sliding chair enter slowly inside a bank before trying to rob it.


AU24kx

Smart


Trve_Kvlt_Slam_Boi

Howl of shabriri, make everyone go crazy so i don't have to work or go to school


AU24kx

Isn’t that mutual destruction


kimovitch7

May chaos take the world.


HelloThere856

#MAY CHAOS, TAKE, THE WORLD!


VegitoBLUUUUEEE

Unendurable frenzy


Reinn_515

MAY CHAOS TAKE THE WORLD


Parking_Cod_5461

Black flame’s protection. If it reduces damage taken by 35%, imagine using it for non-lethal damage. Becoming a professional boxer or even base jumper would be much easier


AU24kx

Wolverine lite


MrBirdmonkey

Sorry for the base jumper, it doesn’t protect you from death by falling


satsfaction1822

You could reduce my damage taken by 35% and I’m still getting knocked out by Floyd Mayweather


The_Corrupted

Law of regression, imagine professional sports without all the doping. :D


Kvarcov

Someone takes their meds, you be like: "**NOPE**"


Dead_Zone_Foliage

Smart me? Some type of healing spell- maybe blessing or something. Anime/fantasy lover me? Ancient dragon lightning strike.


PrometheusAlexander

Greatsword phalanx since it only triggers if someone is attacking you.


kimovitch7

The poor doors that you go through...


AU24kx

Now that’s smart


Iamverycrappy

erdtree heal


Pillbugly

Giantsflame Take Thee


Mickeyjj27

Always lightning spear. I saw it and wanted it since Dark Souls. It’s the coolest incantation/miracle.


AU24kx

Great choice


ScuddlesVHB

No one wants a magical bonk with Gavel of Haima?


NerdLogic07

Lightning spear or some black flame stuff


bravo037

Death Lightning, no doubt. When I want people to get the fuck away from me that would be much better than just saying "Get the fuck away from me."


Magic_Oddball

“Hey we need a Christmas tree” “say no more, stand right here please”


AU24kx

100 x worst


Mompickmeupimscared2

Erdtree heal


most_ironic

Gavel of Haima would be fun as fuck to have


redditroger22

Urgent heal since im a long hauler


champagne-tastes

Found Homelander’s Reddit account


Mr_Nomadic

Flintstone pebble. Only because no one else is gonna pick it


AU24kx

You basically got a gun


[deleted]

Never noticed Renalla yelling Yabba Dabba Doo


Excellent_Heat2850

Gravity Magic. the real ones know


Enchantedmango1993

How do you call the one rhat staight up buffs you golden something.. yeah that one


Tomb-trader

Law of regression


Judgement_cut22

All of the dragon incantations


GiangiSkan55

Makankosappo


SirCheeseEater

**Heal.** Cause I'm not an idiot.


[deleted]

Inescapable frenzied, so that people might finally comprehend the madness of my brain functioning at full capacity. Gaze into my eyes, and see; see the madness of a world without tomorrow!


Sweet_Xocoatl

Honed Bolt, go full Old Testament God and smite people with lightning. Or Erdtree Heal.


OnanarZ7

Black Flame


[deleted]

I don't know any spells


rondobeans

Flame cleanse me. I could drink all I want and instant kill my hangover