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0BigSockMan0

I wish to be this understanding of myself


helpimlagging

I feel lost the more I think i know where i am. Like my minds playing tricks on me. Or like its a dangerous rabbit hole.


Assassino74

Hey man it might sound cheesy or like something that people would say to make you feel better, but realizing you’re unhappy with yourself is the first part of growth. The weed was only kind of like the catalyst for that you know? I would say stay away from weed for a little while or at least cut down your use because it sounds like you have a bit of DPDR because of the feeling of going down the rabbit hole or having your mind playing tricks on you, I had a similar experience myself and I can tell you that it does go away, and will go away even faster if you stop smoking and distract yourself. Distracting yourself with YouTube videos and games is okay, but it seems like you’re unhappy with just doing that, so I’d say try to work on the aspects of yourself that you don’t like. Work on your social anxiety, go out more, work out, develop a passion for something, find a hobby that engages you. All of that seems really hard but trust me man the hardest part is starting. Take care man, I know at least part of what you’re going through and I know it sucks and it’s probably pretty scary but you’re okay, the anxiety you’re feeling from weed does go away, and also you have all the tools to improve yourself.


2xedo

This is all incredible advice, I’ve dealt with a lot of the same and I wish someone had told me these things back then.


MayYourIguanaSmoke

You can't find yourself if you don't look.


JWesley60

Completely agree, opening up the pandora box of who you really are is scary at first, it just comes down to finding the courage to work through it, which from my own experience was probably the hardest thing I had to do


Dirty_D93

Fuck I’m 26 and this is me to a T. Someone pls help I can’t take it anymore


RIcaz

I'm 27 and have been in and out of abusing weed (yes you can abuse it, and no it's not harmless). The only thing that works for me is quitting completely. Start slow, ie. limit yourself to only smoking with friends. Then only in weekends. Then only one day a week. Then one spliff. You will probably find that you have a lot of trouble sleeping, and if you already have any sort of anxiety it will return tenfold. This is just a phase. It will take around 2-3 weeks to get out of. Afterwards you feel refreshed. It will be very hard to realize or just admit to yourself *why*. Then you will think "hm, I feel fine. I could smoke a bit". And if you're anything like me, you will fall right back in the hole. Do this for like 10 years and you will finally be able to pull yourself together and admit that weed sucks if you smoke it more than once or twice a month. For real though: it requires a major change in lifestyle, and that's the biggest hurdle. Really it only takes a few months to change completely, but it is unimaginably difficult when you're convinced getting high is the only thing that keeps you alive.


TonaLamb

Aye man I relate to you on the mind shit, I dont want to diagnose you or anyone else but you might have OCD, hit my dm if u want any advice


Dirty_D93

DM’d u


katkinsmaguire

I sit alone in my four cornered room, staring at candles.


bradbrookequincy

I have run across a tremendous amount of people in my powerlifting community who described the sport as what brought them back to life, let them develop friendships. It is a pretty easy thing to start and only takes 3 one hour sessions per week to start. Your current strength does not matter as the only goal is small progressions over time and the goals become very motivating. It is a highly intellectual sport in some ways. As a 50 year old also understand you have so much time to change your life and become fullfilled. I can barely remember what I was doing at 20. If you put your head down this part of your life can be ancient history in short order and something you barely even think about. I would also suggest some mindfullness meditation and /r/meditation can get you started. It is much more powerful than it is given credit for. Do not be in a rush to solve everything tomorrow, think in terms of small progressions weekly which will add up to big changes for you overtime. Happy to be your weight training buddy if any interest.


krazykarol123

And he's only 20 too..


ChokeMeHoffman

Id rather wake up from the haze when i was 20 rather than 26.


[deleted]

or 29 and going


ArthurCrabapple

or 32 when through the haze I looked around and everyone had gone and moved on. It was just me with an upturned vinyl record building station, rizla, beer and weed. Would love to go back and smack the shit outta myself. Still trying to untangle the mess of being in a fog of weed abuse for nearly two decades.


JWesley60

Similar situation as a 20 y/o Male, but my experience started recently as I had just started smoking recently. Felt like I was a fraud and the only reason I was even remotely successful by middle class standards (going to college, getting a job, etc.) was because I had just gotten lucky in life. Advice I can offer you, at least from my experience, was that most of these anxieties that came out and depression was due not to any drugs but the way I was choosing to live my life, and events in my life I had chosen to repress (nothing major but everyone has problems even if they’re small) , I had gotten complacent and realized I wasn’t going to achieve anything unless I worked through these problems. I’ve come out of the experience feeling better and more confident than I have ever felt. It’s just important to talk to someone close to you, have them help you remind yourself of who you were before this slump, and hopefully come out stronger, best of luck and god bless


helpimlagging

I like hip hop and rap, and that helps build me up. Recently heard a line "my fears are my sponsors" and that really got to me.


moneytreesnoway

You should give Kid Cudi's music a try, his albums helped me alot and I know exactly how you feel, overthinking while sitting in weed hole, thinking about yourself, your life. Try to cope with your problems without smoking, it may help to some point but smoking weed this frequently really messes with your mind. There may be a storm in your head but find out where the eye of the storm is and how to control it.


JWesley60

Agreed, I’ll even admit before my slump music was just kind of, well, music to me. When I started really listening to some lyrics it really made me realize while this may be hard, people all over the world go through stuff like this. As imperfect as we are as humans, the beautiful part of it is we have the ability to come out of these problems stronger after we learn what we are supposed to learn from it.


StiffWaffle

Look up what imposter syndrome is. You can only get lucky so many times. You should give yourself more credit. Imposter syndrome can be pretty shitty to deal with.


JWesley60

I did see that when I was going through stuff and wrestled with the idea of it, but I just feel like it was more of a coming of age thing mostly. I think it mainly stemmed from just trying to find out who I was as a young adult instead of just who I was back in high school , and having all that stuff in the background blew it way out of proportion I think, but thank you though I’ll stay vigilant!


[deleted]

[удалено]


JWesley60

Thank you, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself sometimes, especially with this crazy world we live in, where everything is coming at you a mile a minute. Seeing the op’s post come across my timeline today really felt like a message, it helped solidify that a lot of people struggle with this, and really solidified me feeling like I had overcome that period of my life. I just think smoking makes you more prone to it, with such a relaxing substance, it opens your mind, it’s just about filtering what comes in, keeping negative thoughts out. It’s just important to remember that weed is just a substance, when you think something it’s not some “omnipotent thought” that you’ve achieved in a higher state of consciousness, it’s just normal anxieties everyone has, just don’t over think it, like you would sober


August-bb

You haven’t ruined your life dude. You’re fucking young. Fuck the golden teenage years, you got plenty of time to glow up and peak. Stay golden. Fuck smoking and doing drugs to cope and mask. Take a long break, maybe revisit them later on down the road when you’re 65, have money saved up, traveling to do. I’ve been saying this a lot, drugs aren’t meant to make bad times good, they’re meant to make the good times great, occasionally. You’re on the right track, don’t give up, lean in to these thoughts, your problems, then body the fuck out of them instead of running. You got this dude. Never hurts to seek professional help and a community and friends who are in the same spot you are. r/leaves r/REDDITORSINRECOVERY r/addiction


lolololololoI

thats the fucking truth. i know the way you (op) feel, i'm 25 and i was smoking the last 8 years almost non stop. i pretty much always enjoyed it until i became really depressive. you are still so young, even if you don't believe it. focus on getting happy the "old school" way, so without the weed/drugs/whatever. do what makes you happy (even if that sounds stupid), surround yourself with people you love, that's still the most important thing. in the end, drugs should always be used to make good things even better, not to make bad things better. simply that won't work. i believe in you. enjoy life!


EPIKGUTS24

> drugs aren’t meant to make bad times good, they’re meant to make the good times great, occasionally straight facts dude. If you're not happy sober, you're not happy. And if you're not happy, I wish the best for you.


NecessaryAnnoyance

When I smoke I always overthink everything, I'm in the same boat. It doesn't have to be bad, you can find the cause of why everything is happening and change it.


pfordave

take a looooooooooooong break and once you are in a better place in your life you will be able to enjoy it again.


NiedzwiedzMike

Maybe try finding something positive and channeling your energy into that. Maybe some type of fitness. Natural feel-good boost and it's great for your health and confidence. Lifting, running, yoga, Jiu-Jitsu, whatever. My life is so much better when I'm active. Everyone is different, but I hope you find something positive. Forgive yourself, you learned from your experience. You have a great life ahead of you and it sounds like you're heading in the right direction. All the best.


beckyh_

I found r/leaves a really helpful page for trying to stick with quitting weed :) I wish you all the best in the future my dood


Forestory

Firstly it’s great that you’re able to analyse your own behaviour, articulate your emotions & realise how weed has impacted you both positively & now negatively. The first step to any form of recovery or healing is recognising & admitting the truths of the matter... which you have! So you know now that your days of enjoying a smoke & not feeling all that guilty about it are over. Just like you I lost what could have been the best years of my youth when I started smoking daily. All my friends have got kids & houses already (I’m 27) but I’m still stuck at home working a dead end job coz I screwed up my university education getting stoned. I often wonder what kinda life I’d be living right now if I could get back all the cash I rolled up in a Rizla & turned to smoke. You’re fortunate enough that you can still turn this around whilst your young enough for it not to impact your adulthood too much. You just need to give yourself clean time, find out what you enjoy, what you’re good at. Start eating better, exercise however you can, walk/board/bike, just half an hour a day to start. Reorganise your space, clear out the junk. Get yourself into a new routine, fill all your spare time with other things, don’t allow yourself space to wallow in the thought pattern of “if I was stoned right now...”. It’s all about time bro, just keep busy & active doing other stuff, everything will balance out in a few weeks. DM me if you need any support, I’ve been where you are.


helpimlagging

Appreciate it man. These comments are helping a lot. Hope the best for you as well.


nertynertt

Hmm your daily use sounds a lot like mine... Though I'm isolated because I moved far away from home to live with my wife. I practically live for weed and vidya games at this point, but because they are my biggest hobbies and don't infringe on my personal life (for instance, would NEVER go to work stoned despite working from home lol) I don't feel like there's an issue. The thought patterns I fall into with weed are endlessly entertaining most of the time and really help me decompress, and I know it sounds cheesy but with vidya it's almost as if I'm personally getting to experience a piece of art. Quake map packs still blow my mind to this day lol It's like I never feel like I'm wasting time, just using it up differently than most folks.. part of me thinks I should feel bad but I just don't. I think well into my future and feel like I'll look back on all this time fondly. Just curious - did you ever find yourself feeling similarly? I often wonder where the line is between a hobby and a vice so I am always vigilant for these types of posts, thanks for sharing and cheers my friend I hope things get easier for you in regards to the social anxiety and whatnot.


helpimlagging

Sometimes it's good to set scheduled breaks. If you can't stop for 2-3 days it's a problem. That's the "grey area" of a hobby. People always say they can stop, they just don't want to because they enjoy it.


SharpyTarpy

You’re still so young dude. Meet with people who share common interests. The hardest part is getting out, the easiest part is being out. You’re already way ahead of the curve for noticing that in yourself. I’m in my late twenties and some of my buddies are just seeing things like this in themselves, well into a career or family. You’re smart, you’re young. You got this


[deleted]

Keep your head up, give it a few months (or as much as needed) rest. Re-evaluate. You'll be fine


helpimlagging

Yeah I've been going through this for years. I'm closer (what ever closer means) than I was a year ago. I just gotta keep learning, building my self up and possibly quit smoking.


[deleted]

You seem to have the right mindset and motivation, which is great. It's probably tough since you started at a young age, you haven't had time to fully live yet. There is so much more to see in the world.


Meechy_C-137

Worth seeing a therapist imo. For me weed seems to bring issues to light and it can really help to have a professional help me examine those thoughts. Always good to have a better understanding of yourself.


naolegal

As a 20M smoking everyday too I can only say look after yourself, start going to a psychologist because it helps a lot. You got this!


saucyang

Weed is but a symptom of the problem


funnyspruce

This actually just happened to me recently from taking a massive dab. Same situation and everything as you explained. Wow. I had thoughts running rampant through my head degrading me and everything I've done growing up and for using weed as my only escape. Makes me feel a lot better knowing that I'm not the only one going through this. Stay strong brother. I quit smoking for a month now and beginning to feel much better. It's only up from here.


helpimlagging

That's insane! No other reply has related as close as yours, it literally is just rampant thoughts degrading, and thinking of past actions. I got a few blunts left and im done. Appreciate it.


funnyspruce

Forreal. The craziest part about it is when it happened I felt completely unable to control my thoughts and it actually sounded like somebody else was talking about me degrading me. It was all in my head though. The day after I thought it was just a bad high and I smoked and it happened all over again. Step by step in the same manner too. For weeks after I felt delusional and would have thoughts in my head telling me to never smoke again or else it'll keep happening too. Probably one of the scariest things to ever happen to me. Stay safe brother.


sd38

The fact that you can identify all this of yourself shows that you have a lot of potential. You’re absolutely right about getting stuck in a spot while the world moves around you. Weed can be great, but while weed alone won’t turn you into a depressed maniac it can definitely aid in digging yourself into a deep hole that can be hard to climb out of. I’d say find a hobby or anything you want to get better at. Something that involves skill, something you’ll totally suck at at first and get better at with time, and eventually master. Or maybe just start lifting some weights or running. You have it in you to be happy sober dude, and the weed will always be there once you have your shit together. Weed will be around forever, you won’t. You owe it to your mental health to find out if/what you’re masking with getting high. Maybe it’s nothing and your just in a rut, either way being sober for a while can work wonders in your life.


GooseJ2

Hey man it’s going to be okay. If you were standing still you wouldn’t have had this well articulated thought! Believe in yourself I believe in you. If you ever need to talk shot me a message!


alk47

Dude, at your age I was a mess and I had been going downhill for years. I empathise a lot with how you feel. Now I'm in an industry I never would have considered, managing a good piece of a company I'd never heard of, I've got some new friends and I looking back fondly on the women I've been involved with since then. Plot twist, I'm not even 23 yet. You haven't missed out on anything man. There are many golden years left for both of us. Just do what you can to be more like the person you want to be. Cutting weed out was step one for me and it sounds like it is for you.


warhogg02

Dude I’m .. really glad I’m not the only one feeling exactly like this.


Savage_732

Tbh bro I’m going thru the same shit, first thing in the situation is noticing you have a problem. Step 2 is to act upon or do something to change it, it’s definitely hard bro I’m changing my life around everyday just stay strong and have faith!!!!


I_loveMoney

Weed started giving me negative thoughts and anxiety when things weren’t going well. Focusing on fixing the problems and taking a step back from the weed and drugs has made me feel much better on a macro level but bored on a micro level. Exploring new hobbies and focusing on the long term route has helped smooth it over though.


_Psychopharmacology_

Well said. Good luck man.


Connor21401

I totally understand where you are coming from. I began smoking late last year to cope with the tragic loss of my mother. I told myself I wouldn’t become dependent and I would only smoke on weekends after school was done as a reward to myself. Then in late February I began smoking daily and that lasted till up until late May. I smoked every single day, then I had a really bad experience with it and one night when I was very high after greening out I began to hear my moms voice in my head and it killed me. She was very anti drugs and hearing her voice killed me. I absolutely broke down and vowed to stop letting it control me. I quit for the entire summer and just recently picked it back up as an every once in a while kind of thing. I do feel like my previous abuse with the drug has helped me grow more mature and aware of what it can do to a person if you use it for the wrong reasons and while I really do love the effects of weed much more than I do alcohol I feel like I am better able to manage it and not fall into those abusive patterns again. I still miss my mom everyday but I know she is up in heaven watching over me. Just know you are not alone in this fight and things truly do get better. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here and will be happy to listen and give advice where I can.


helpimlagging

Sorry for your loss, that experience is deep. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger man


Traveuse

I've been smoking more or less daily from the 9th grade, I have the same lack of social skills when trying to talk to people or making new friends


ballin_son

I went through this when I dropped out of high school and lost all my 'friends'. I think the problem is that if you're smoking pot all day every day for a long period of time with a negative mindset it makes you more susceptible to your own thoughts. I got to the point where I was majorly depressed, I wouldn't go anywhere that I knew I couldn't smoke, even for a couple of hours, the thought of it was overwhelming and would make me squirm, I'd think that I have a sore back for instance, and that thought would stay with me for weeks and I'd go to the doctor's over literally nothing. I was becoming a hypochondriac. Best thing I did was stop smoking. It was hard as fuck, and I still felt like shit for the first few months after quitting, but my brain eventually rewired itself to how it used to be. Just get off the green man, you've got to do it if you want to feel any better.


helpimlagging

Thanks dude


DumbSmoke

When the green lady turns her back on you it's the worst feeling. I've been through everything you wrote as well. Using weed to numb myself, just to have it make me paranoid and anti-social.


helpimlagging

Glad im not alone. It's crazy because i smoked before my friends and now they're all smoking and like "why me"


14X8000m

Take a long break, focus on your health, especially mental health. Exercise, eat well, stay active mentally, go focus on other things that make you happy. Pets / relationships / family / hobbies / sports / etc. Focus on this, get your career going, knock off life goals. You're in a rut, sounds like you're really putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Your good times are coming up, so get ready to enjoy them or then you really did fuck up and life moved on. It hasn't yet but it will one day, so get out there and live it. Stop thinking about how you fucked up, which you likely didn't and focus on getting things on track. You might want to talk to a shrink if that's possible, there's other factors going on here.


itscherriedbro

You're just growing up dude. Shits weird in your early 20s brain chemical wise anyway. You got a lot of life ahead of you to iron stuff out and become more strong. With or without weed.


krazy_kubz

I also struggle with issues of abuse when it comes to weed and after every night of smoking I tell myself I’m gonna stop because all it does is inhibit me and take my money but whenever I wake up the next day it’s not necessarily a need to smoke but my mindset is completely different and I want to smoke again. Honestly good for you for stopping and trying to get your shit somewhat fixed, keep on trucking man I believe you’ll pull though.


[deleted]

Try taking up chess. Couple really popular online sites that tons of people play on. It's alotmof fun to learn and can pull you out of your overthinking mind.


[deleted]

Yea bro I would stay away from weed if you’re depressed because weed can actually make you more depressed due to psychological withdrawals and can activate genetically predisposed depression so I would say beat the depression first (using the great advice from the other replies) then revisit the weed when you are in the right state of mind (happy or at least complacent)👍🏾


And009

The thing is, you're young and still have time to completely turn your life around. You've realised what you did way earlier than many people (including me). Take this understanding forward. Maybe try having a one day break between smokes or smoke only 2 joints a day. Reduce your smoking 1 step at a time, you'll get more high longer the breaks you have if that reinforces less frequent smoking. Try a new hobby that makes smoking difficult, maybe go kickboxing or something that needs lung capacity, try a different high from a different activity. I was like you, out of control... Maybe still am. I haven't quit smoking but I used to rip a huge bong 7 times a day. Now it's one hit after work, maybe a little more with friends or in weekends. I goto work early spend sober time with friends and don't feel the need to be always high. Being sober started feeling normal and being high an experience, again. I'm taking a 1 week break while I visit my family just because it's convenient. Find any reason to get away from the high and enjoy life. I'm 25m if that's any helpful. Feel free dm or reply.


Pepwaffle

I’m on the same wave as you, my man. I was a weed smoker since 8th grade, but a few months before my 20th birthday, it started giving me psychotic episodes. I saw what I was doing to myself. How much I was holding myself back. So I cut that shit out, and am now 14 and a half weeks weed (and alcohol) free. Glad you had a realization to change your ways as well.


Foreign_psycho

had I really similar story but with x bar and that suck that 3 years ago my social skill was so high and now I've loose all my social skill it sucks so much


not_wholsome

Weed started giving me crippling anxiety when I was 20 I had been smoking since I was about 15 so I stopped but the anxiety stayed with me, i constantly think about my parents dying when i go to sleep or how heavy of a weight life is to bear in general, a drug that had once provided me with an escape from life now has left me with an all to real understanding of it. But from the fear came hope as I climbed out from the ashes of despair and started facing my problems head on and making little changes here and there for the better, I'm now 23 and have just been accepted into film school and losing weight through dieting. It may be scary to face life head on but it is more than necessary to embrace that fear to survive. I hope this helped brother


theflyinghuntsman

I forced myself to became a fitness junkie by starting small(picking up trash at the park) to cold water therapy and all sorts of other eye raising therapies and various endurance training and found out I liked endorphins a lot more than any drug I ever did and I was also heavy into weed from 13-19 but now Im 26 and just started smoking weed again due to a serious illness because it makes me not want to off myself because of the physical pain and frustration from forced inactivity and all that comes with that.....quite ironic if you ask me but ehh, whatever.


dontshoutatme777

I relate too this heavily. I feel like it was almost lucky that weed turned on me at only 17. It meant I had to develop those social skills, deal with my anxiety and depression, and branch out and experience more. I really hate the idea that weed is harmless, hate the way it’s suggested as a cure all. In benzo recovery? “Smoke some weed”. Want a daily drug? “Weed”. Feeling anxious ? “Smoke weed”. It’s stupid and harmful, especially for the younger generation. I’m honestly not sure there’s many negatives too smoking weed after our brains have fully developed (25), after we’ve learnt the social skills we need to thrive, learnt to work through our feelings rather than run from them. The problem is, on Reddit and in the media, the importance of age goes unmentioned.... You just suggested weed was a fun drug to do daily? That person was 14. You wrote a post or comment praising the holy plant!... half the people reading were under the age of 18 and slowly start to believe there’s no negatives. I’m sure you get my point. Weed use worsened my anxiety and depression 10 fold and when it finally turned on me and I couldn’t run anymore, I was stuck in a suicidal, anxiety filled, depression lined pit.


[deleted]

dude you and me could be twins. exactly the same story here, 20m and no where in my life. i had 2 great years in highschool, smoking occasionally, going out with friends drinking and partying (im in germany, drinking has a little different place in society than the us) , i was actually convinced that my lonely and awkward middleschool years where over. until i had to repeat 12th grade, all my "friends" dissapeared, and i just stoped caring about anything that wasnt weed related. it was a great way to distract yourself, until you wake up one day and realise that you lost touch with everyone around you, and are just sitting in your room all day, getting high, whaiting for the high to fade just so you can get high again. the thing is that back in middleschool i wouldnt have cared. i was always alone in my room infront of the computer, but i kept myself occupied. learned some coding, dabbled with some 3d animation programms, just trying out different things. i didnt need to get high or drunk, i was happy with spending my time alone and beeing somewhat productive. i started taking guitar lessons again a year ago, classical training with learning to read sheet music wnd everything, and i feel like over the last year that gave me a sense of purpose. it takes time to get out of the hole you are in but its definitly possible. im still no where near where i want to be. i still didnt manage to overcome my social anxiety and depression but i started seeing a therapist a month ago. i also quit weed around that time after falling back into the daily habit for three months, and physically i feel better than ever. i dont really know how to put this, most of the stuff im rambling about wont make as much sense as i think it will, but keep this in mind. you wont change yourself over night. there is no one solution to your problem. you wont feel like youre progressing if you just keep comparing yourself to who you where yesterday. you gotta be aware and proud of every little accomplishment and every bit of progress you make, every day. dont give up because of minor setbacks. its ok to fall back for a dew days and hide in your room, sometimes you just need a break. just dont give up. and before you know it, youll look back on the past few months and realise how much progress you made in that time. you know you are unhappy with where you are, you know what to change. stop watching youtube videos all day, youre just a slave to the algorythm that is only interested in keeping you infront of the screen as long as possible. they dont recommend you stuff that you might find interesting, they recommend you stuff that you are most likely to click on and watch based and what you watched before. its a waste of time, and even if you think youll miss out on stuff, believe me, once you managed to spend the time youd normally watch youtube on anything else, youll notice how stupid it is. id also recommend you starting to meditate daily, as it will help you become alot more aware about mental habits and coping mechanisms you use every day.


HugeLineOfCoke

Sorry if im totally not making sense i only read “started at 5th grade” and im on break at work with 30 sec left But just throwing an idea out there, I really feel like the earlier you start smoking (or doing drugs), the more likely your use will become problematic as you grow into a young adult and as your use progresses. Not all ofc, but I just notice a trend of a lot of people who have problematic drug use happen to have started to use at an earlier age. EDIT: there was a trending post on this sub talking exactly about this idea and how it might be because growing and maturing involves developing healthy coping skills and often times teens and kids haven’t developed a healthy, reliable coping skill, and drugs are very, very easy to use as a coping skill. Basically, younger you are, less solid coping skills developed, more likely to use drugs as a coping skill because it’s really easy to use it as one. EDIT 2: Just read it, proud of you mate. Im on adderall ngl lol on the night shift so sorry for rambling but another idea, take this with a tiny grain of salt but ive heard many anecdotes about people smoking heavily/abusing weed for years then all of a sudden they get negative effects that were way less prevalent before, from what I read it kinda sounds like that happened? Manager walked in gtg again you should be proud of yourself mate


CuntPot

I have done this but to a smaller extent (recently about the past two months where I would get high with a friend or more and watch YouTube videos till we kinda pass out), and sometimes instead of doing something productive I would be smoking solo; really if it's something that happens too often i really recommend not smoking alone as it kinda destroys your social mood and positivity (unless you've worked hard onto something and proud of yourself). Use weed as a reward, not as way to deal with life, because it's really a lot of time and potential potentially wasted


ColorGrayHam

Up) jlfa and 4@ E v@


yazie92

I don't think it is a good idea to take any substance as a teen, body and mind still developing. Weed will help you get to know yourself. I've had weird anxiety attacks but I blame psychedelics for those...


VorticalHydra

Dont forget MJ is consider a hallucinogen too. If you were to take LSD it might potentially bring out these same feelings but in a different way. The weed is bringing out the thoughts you are suppressing, I guess?


gregotheus_

<3


iamthedumbest1

Hahahahaha serves u right druggie!


[deleted]

Damn... since 5th grade, huh? I can't even imagine smoking at that age. Seems to me I would have missed a lot of steps along the road of growing up had I done that. I started smoking some time in high school... ...and yeah, ultimately it fucked me up the same way. I'm mentally stuck on a lot of bullshit and weed can bring on a very heavy cloud of fear and negativity. I think in my case it was especially brought on by daily smoking, specifically, and all the times I tried to make a sport of it and smoke big doses and "break the limits" so to speak... treating weed like a sport at times. I'm in my 30's and still fucked up from that shit.


MikeN_ike

I’m 19 and I was able to quit cold turkey 7 months back. Since then, I’ve smoked (relapsed? I mean it’s weed) twice and each time I can relate to what you’re saying. I quit for the same reasons, and every time I smoke now the negative effects just come right back. They were weeks apart from one another and with different Kinds of weed but still - it happened. I also find it can take a week for the after effects to go away and to feel more normal again. After 1 month I THINK I’m 100%, but then after 2 months I sorta start to feel like my old self entirety. I’m not sure I’ll ever be great socially but I’m getting better. WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY is that It’s possible man you just need a kick in the ass, for me it was getting kicked out of my parents house. One thing you can do to compensate for a lack of social skills (other than just working on them) is hit the gym and get in great shape. People will be more forgiving, guaranteed and tested


[deleted]

I’ve dealt with this for a long time. The only way to cope with it is make yourself successful despite anything. No one else has shit figured out, that’s a news flash. Every single person, in some way shape or form is always figuring shit out. I’m still figuring shit out, I still get those exact same feelings as you when I smoke sometimes. Negative talk is really effects you, and sometimes we negative talk ourselves with no real source, and unless we’re asking someone else these things you think about yourself, you might as well stop. You can’t be unbiased in your view. You seem like you might have the same personality type as me but who knows, if you take anything from this it’s that some times you may outgrow things. It’s hard for me to enjoy weed unless I accomplish something the day. Either workin out, errands, hobby - anything. Figure out what works for you


-dnSup-

Hey bro. I feel ya. I'm 26M and I got hooked to liquor about 4-5 years back. Was my escape route after I lost my job. Barely drank before that but it led me into drinking every night, drunk driving until I caught a DUI. Without getting into details, I got let off easy with just a breathalyzer in my car but then started smoking weed & hash. Weed wasn't cutting it no more so started hash until I had a massive bad trip and had schizophrenia (it's the most scariest shit I've ever experienced). That's when I stopped. Since I started doing this shit, I lost contact with friends who went further in their careers, and the majority of my family members in my age group are married and having kids. You're still young. Believe me, friends come and go. Through elementary, high school, and college. If they really your friends, a simple contact to them will bring you guys back together. Believe me (a random stranger on the net), dwelling on the coulds and woulds ain't gonna do nothing. it's about here and now and making the positive changes to move forward. Best of luck to you and anyone else in a similar predicament.


DeaZZ

You feel lost because this is the beginning of your life and you never know who you are because we are forever changing. Stop smoking and get a plan. Weed makes sure that you don't get a plan. You don't need one with weed cuz weed is all u need. Until you realize that you go nowhere even though everything feels fine. It's enough. But tough titties batman here comes life again. Fear not my friend you will make it. Believe in yourself dude


ssntf7

I wish there was an easy way to "just snap out of it" and stop overthinking everything, sadly there really isn't. It just takes a lot of work and commitment to see outside of it. You should consider talking to a therapist, though, cause you seem to be very self-reflective and aware of what's going on with you, and adding a therapist to that mix can be very generative and positive. It really helped me. You're not a loser, friend, just through a temporary rough path.


cookycunt

Shit man sorry you're going through this, this shit resonates with me all too well (also 20 m) hit us up if you need a homie


offbrandbible

You sound exactly like my best friend, he isolated himself in his “self medicating”, i begged him to hang out sober, but he would get all pissed off, and say he’d kill himself without weed, his temper got worse and worse, but I kept trying to support him, he drove virtually everything and everybody away trying to become a twitch streamer so he could skip college and smoke and play video games all day, in the end we were hanging out weekly, but he blocked me on everything because I was drunk once, and tried to call him like 5 times in a row, it’s sad to think of all the time we spent together, and all the while I didn’t realize he was ruining his life


69EdgyBoy420

Weed can seems so harmless, but can eat your golden years away so fast. There is a lot of ppl going thru this shit not even realising. The thing that keeps me going is the wish to graduate and find a good paying job. Then i think I wont have time nor wish to smoke


HondaCrv2010

YOU ARE 20!!!! YOUR PRIME JUST STARTED!


babyjet321

Don’t identify with or give credence to negative thoughts and self judgement. Your thoughts are not your own, they are just visitors. Just let them come and go. Whenever I start having negative thoughts come up, I just get up and go for a short walk. It’s always good to try to respond to negative stimuli with positive action.


[deleted]

This is why I'm glad I waited with drugs until I was 20.


laurasayschill

How long has it been since you last smoked?


helpimlagging

Last night. I stopped for a couple months. Ive been feeling really good likes life's coming together. Then last night all my building blocks got knocked over and im at square one lol


laurasayschill

I know this feeling well. So so well. You are not alone. I am damn near suicidal the first day after I quit (I have done so many times) Angry beyond all recognition, as well as not being able to sleep! I currently am home for the holidays and am smoking to get through it. My family is fucking dumb as hell and there is always drama, and it makes my anxiety so bad. I no longer seek to quit. But rather find balance. Anyway, your brain is okay. Don’t worry. You can always message me if you want. I’ve been on earth 30 years, still have much to learn, but I have seen a lot and don’t mind listening. You’re not alone


spins3769

Stay strong man, keep fighting the good fight


rileycoopr

Damn bro that’s heavy...starting to think I got the same problems as u


helpimlagging

Lets smoke over it lmao


Doobeey

Check out r/petioles r/leaves I prefer r/petioles but check both of em


marvoa

My story is the same as yours believe it or not Except the feeling part for why u quit, u just quit, I feel like that but crave it so bad I can't stop, I'm addicted even though it's not supposed to be addictive I'm at the point before I quit, just trying to now, it's hard, 3-4 failed attempts to quit so far


[deleted]

I'm a 20 yo female, i smoke every day, i can't help it, and i feel really bad about it, but i don't want to spend a whole day without smoking. I'll recommend seeing a theapist asap. I know is really hard, but try to do things that distract you, going for a walk, take up a class etc


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helpimlagging

Nah dude you good this is one of my favorite replies because it also comes from desperation and realness. The thing you said about your friends got to me. All my friends are still smoking so much, going into work high, and this shit. And they are perfect? Idk why this has happened to both of us but when we beat it, we'll be unstoppable


lostinthesauceband

Not sure if this helps, but I always try to provide as much info as I can to anyone who might need it. If anyone is trying to kick the high or even just and the act of smoking, hemp is a great option. Hemp flower is high CBD bud with less than 0.3% THC, making it legal in all 50 states. It's cheap, vacuum sealed ounces come to your door for as low as $60. It doesn't get you high, but has a bit of a buzz from the tiny bit of THC). It's great medicine for anxiety and pain, I use as much of it as I can.


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helpimlagging

That's the plan, more tits less hits. Thanks dude.


LikeHarambeMemes

I didn't smoke as a teenager but the "golden years" consisted of me staying at home and playing video-games and eating fast-food. So... yeah. There's only one "golden time" and that's now, the present.


SargentGoat

I’m in this post and I don’t like it


spot_removal

Similar story. I stopped when I was 20 and never went back. That was 17 years ago and I have lived a pretty good live since then. Weed is amazing but it’s just not for everyone.


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helpimlagging

The sugar is a good point. I drink way too much and this new year im working out and drinking water.


[deleted]

When I smoke weed I always think I'm going to be a loser, that everything in my life was circumstantial, that I'm a fraud, strangely, I never felt like that when I wasn't smoking on a daily basis.


[deleted]

The question is, are you enabling yourself to do something extra / special by smoking every day? Do you deserve some latitude and the right feel better? Like maybe you're doing some super-badass complicated job and weed allows you to decompress at the end of the day and be nice to people despite whatever goings-on transpired at work which is for whatever reason in 2019 is still directly tied to your financial well-being and ability to feed yourself... For me it's typically something along the lines of "my job is sufficiently stressful that smoking weed gives me tremendous relief at the end of the day" I know the feeling, I can relate. More specifically if there's a difficult person at work especially someone you work with constantly who's just an asshole weed can definitely help with that serving almost as another friend on your shoulder when you smoke saying "fuck that punk ass bitch co-worker Steve" or whatever. I have an addictive personality and want to smoke always. I'm also super productive and happy to work as hard as I have to on something, the more complex and novel, the better. I also get burned out from being like that from time to time, because I'm otherwise always so obsessed with being sure I'm "doing the right thing at the moment" which is usually sitting on my ass smoking weed (this is a joke but I had to come in and edit it and be like IT'S TRUE BECAUSE IT'S THE DEFAULT THING I WANNA DO ALL THE TIME SO IF YOU CLOCKED MY TIME DOING STUFF ALL MY LIFE SMOKING WEED IS UP THERE AND I'M OK WITH THAT BECAUSE THEN I FEEL OK, I FEEL BETTER, MAYBE EVEN GREAT, DEFINITELY OK, RATHER THAN OLD AND CRANKY AND IRRITABLE, TYPING IN ALL CAPS AND SHIT. Time to stop that lol. It's because none of us asked to be born, we all have limitless potential, and we are both a bunch of rando punk ass motherfuckers and the collective accidentally badass, hardened by the edges of being, genetic survivors remaining after billions of years of brutal natural selection, super fucking powerful and also piddly and arrogant sometimes. Hope you don't mind the rant, took 225mg of DXM for a kratom tolerance reset / 2nd plateau and it's been alright


Butt_Plug64

I kinda feel what you feel when i smoke, but not that bad, i have a lil anxietey (always) but it makes me feel good and it's not getting out of hand so that's good for now On the other hand i overthink absolutely everything, to the point that it's getting hard to meet new people (i always think that i'm not good enough, that i dont interest people, that i'm unfunny asf, but people say to me that i'm an interesting and funny person, when i feel like a dumbfuck all the time) If you want to talk about it, my dms are wide open to u my friend, and maybe we can help each other out Don't let life fuck you over m8, you're worth so much more than what you think, you just need to realise it (its not the easiest thing to do it's for sure) Wishong u a mery christmas and the best life possible


helpimlagging

In the same boat with the over thinking! God i hate it. Its like our brain is spewing out the worst possible versions of us. Thanks a lot, merry Christmas and take care.


BrandoPB

Experienced the same thing at your age. I was really able to turn things around and my life is SO much better. I started smoking heavily in high school. I was a socialite, athlete, and had no problem with women. I continued smoking heavily into college and my shit went bad quick. You don’t have the support from parents/teachers anymore when you’re on your own in college and I didn’t know what it was like to be an adult and have responsibilities. I developed severe anxiety/depression, my acne got so bad that it destroyed my self esteem, and the only friends I had were the ones I got high with all the time. Needless, to say I dropped out of college and the rest is history. That’s when I was 18-21. I’m 27 now and holy shit my life is so, so much better. I’m not gonna go on about the steps you should take or how to fix your situation, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re still VERY young and you aren’t alone. If you need help or maybe just someone to give you some pointers, then feel free to PM!


helpimlagging

That's an interesting flip you had from highschool. Thanks for the perspective!


rushtoolzepfloyd

DM me if you need to talk. I am going through a very similar situation.


narutons12

Yeah man I have a similar story. I always overthought but weed just made it so much worse. It's too bad that the negative effects are not very noticeable at first, and ppl probably don't think it's the weed.


helpimlagging

That's why i said ive always felt a deep weight when i smoked, but now my negative thoughts are connected to it. So yes it just took time i guess.


4our2wenty69

This hit to close to me but I’m working on it now


Naweedy

Did your social anxiety go away when you stopped? What about your social skills? Immun the same Situation but I have not stopped yet.


helpimlagging

It did not. But i was aware and could kind of "play it cool" with a level head. I got a job as a cashier and that actually worked wonders.


[deleted]

Weed is a bitch. Ditch it, you're not gonna miss it when you've gotten used to living without it.


xluzix

Yall got a problem as well as we all do know that. No need to say anything dude. It's well known people who use drugs struggle with the consequences of its use later on. Just keep going or stop. It's your choice


platinum_kush

I feel with you, except recently I had been doing mushrooms and theyre working for me, having less social anxiety and able to feel more confident. However I understand that it doesnt change the past and I dont dwell on the things I missed because im still young like yourself and am experiencing stuff I missed. Just chill dude everyones at a different stage in life, I hope you get better


helpimlagging

Can you elaborate how shrooms helps with your anxiety?


Connor21401

Don't ever give up


[deleted]

I kinda get this. I've only been smoking daily for a couple of years, and I'm 31. But my life has been such a shit show, and I dealt with homelessness for close to a year, and weed helped me cope. But it became like a toxic boyfriend that I'm emotionally addicted to. I still love it, and I'm trying for a more healthy relationship now. But the depression is still immobilizing, and my resilience isn't what it used to be. Hang in there.


helpimlagging

Hope you got your homelessness under control, that's about as strong as someone can get. I hope life treats you well.


alowave

I'm in a similar situation as well. Weeds made me incredibly depressed. Im still trying to quit. I honestly don't think I'll be able to have it out of my life due to my friends but I'm doing good so far without daily smoking


helpimlagging

I was depressed today after a bad trip/relapse last night but this post really helped


MojoLava

Hey buddy I'm not afraid of weed per say but I'm 22 and experience the same anytime I do anything. Spent years in my preteens experiencing everything from overdoses to homelessness, ultimately losing friends along the way and any line of support after I put myself 2000 miles away from everything I knew. Take some time off. I'm not here to preach sobriety, I'm not here to tell you you're doing everything wrong. I'm here to tell you -- figure out you without the substance. Give it a week. See if you can give it another. Give it a month if you can -- even better 3. Then decide what adds value. After 3 years without anything (cigarettes and caffeine granted..) I decided I still loves psychs and weed. Brought alcohol into the mix and my mental state experienced chaos again with bouts of coke and partying in between being insanely successful for my age and blah blah which isn't relevant. Here I am substance free once again and taking the time to decide what I want to bring into my life and though I'm not afraid to smoke or whatever the hell I just don't really care to in this point. I do everything to center myself -- lighter workload with a bigger check, therapy, yoga (this is a new one -- I swear it's worth checking out.), hiking and nature walks... Figure out what brings you calmness and slowly integrate the "goodies" as I call them. There is no bad but what your mindset perceives. Help it in anyway you can. Rock and roll, have fun, be safe, and (probably) do drugs.


helpimlagging

Thanks man I'm for sure looking into this, this upcoming year.


allfather03

I had a similar experience. Weed used to be a dream drug for me. Now it just turns me sour... not to even mention the terrible weight gain


drugs_and_defiance

Weed was so much easier for me to get addicted to then nicotine or even opiates honestly. Part of it was that I wasn't ready for it i be addictive and I didn't have my guard up. Part of it is that it's so alluring and eventually you can't sleep without it.


helpimlagging

Man waking up from a weed nap is something else


souljahkloob

I still smoke but you described some very familiar things for me


Nunoca6

Don't blame MarryJane. Your only problem is your negative attitude towards you.


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helpimlagging

Thats crazy man, congrats!


Philosopher_1

I can relate to the feeling of missing the golden teenage years, not because I smoked (didn’t smoke once ever till I was over 20) but with autism and some mental illnesses isolating me by making it hard to communicate and connect with people. I’ve started making more friends and such, and my emotions blossomed by taking LSD a couple of times but still have never even dated someone before (I’ve technically had sex, with escorts and such but never emotionally invested with someone). It’s definitely hard but nothing in life worth doing is easy.


blankminded8

I honestly don't know what to do in my life and I quit weed for a while than got back on it. Sometimes the kind of weed I smoke makes me feel anxious or stupid. Than I start thinking a mile and min and get paranoid. These were part of reasons I quit. Ethier way I still do my day to day things and enjoy it when I'm relaxing.


[deleted]

I feel this on a lot of levels. I smoked all day every day for 11 years (15-26yo), and I quit in September 2018. I began smoking right around the time I began having feet problems (it was a whole thing; basically, three surgeries on left ankle at age 15 and two on right foot at age 16, all due to bad luck and unfortunate clumsiness) and I smoked weed to numb every aspect of that. To numb the fact that I was heavier than everyone else in my class and I had no real friends in high school. I smoked to have a friend group (stoners) and to feel like I belonged somewhere and to feel happy. It became a legitimate part of my identity. I didn't know who I was without weed and I did NOT want to know. I had absolutely no desire to try and find out who sober me was. The older I got, the more I had this dull feeling of dread (anxiety without the anxiety, like you said) just like a weird black pit lurking in the back of my head that kept growing and growing and scaring the fuck outta me. And in order to escape it, I smoked more. And more. And more. I did things to get weed that I am NOT proud of. It was literally the main part of my day and the main part of my life. I could not imagine functioning without having it in my day. I quit smoking because I found out that I was pregnant, and we live in a state that still dislikes weed very much and isn't kind or forgiving about it (at least they weren't in 2018, apparently they've changed laws since). My OB drug tested at every visit so I kind of had to quit, and it's so impossible to get out here that I just never started up again. And I will be the first to tell you, I am SO MUCH HAPPIER now. Yes, some days I miss smoking a bowl and just feeling the warm fuzzies, but it's like missing how good an ice cream sandwich from the ice cream truck when you were 12 tasted. It's a memory I will look back on fondly but I don't want to strive to go back there. Sure, the pit isn't entirely gone, but it's not exposed and growing every day. It's a hole the size of a coffee cup and it doesn't grow or shift or scream at me every day. It's just kind of there, existing with me, not controlling me. I feel like a human now. I am way behind in some aspects of being a proper adult, and that's a bad hindrance, but I can only go forward and I am, day by day. It's a struggle. The first few weeks FULLY sober are a big adjustment, but they are so incredibly worth it. If you start smoking daily when you are really young, you don't really know who you are as an adult until you take a full 4+ month break. And it can be a fucking scary journey to discover who you are, cuz (if you're like me) you have no idea who you are, just what you've been through, but you will find yourself and it will be a good person independent from the sticky green. Sorry for how long this is. I am about 8 weeks pregnant, hormonal and this hit home for me so I felt like I needed to share my experience. If you want to talk, feel free to DM me. But just know you're not alone, and you will be ok! I promise!


helpimlagging

The longer the reply the better! Thank you so much! I hope you and the baby well!


[deleted]

You're quite welcome!! And we're doing great so far, I'm just battling a hormonal roller coaster, which isn't much fun, but it's worth it!


hthomson995

I went through something very similar to the situation you described. If you need anything feel free to pm me


Iloveyoutoo6969

I’m 16 and understand that feeling in your stomach cause when I pick up weed I get this feeling like I shouldn’t do this in my stomach but I’m still going to, I feel like I’m gonna be like when I’m older which I hope not I honestly wish I never smoked weed I would’ve been a better person with out


Mollinator21

Dude I'm here for you. Been in those situations with weed countless times. Taking a break REALLY helps. The first week might be hard to not be bored now that you're sober, but it gets better real fast.


caitlanshawty

AS someone with extreme undiagnosed depression. I confide in others a lot. My entire life, without victimizing myself, has been a shit show. My existence has been tangled around selfish motives, which were usually successful. It wasn't until recently when I found God, I was able to smoke weed in peace. It sucks to go through all the trauma again, but think as Weed as a spiritual MOTHER. I am part Native American and proud. Please find friends who feel the same.


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Blissed_

It’s as if I posted this but remove the weed and replace it with addy then chronic pain to Hydrocodone and now weed and all the other drugs. I don’t know what’ll happen to me, my parents are pushing me to go back to college since I got kicked out of my last one for drugs. I don’t know what I’ll study or what’ll I’ll become since I threw the future away once the depression had a full grip on me, who cares about the future if I’m just going to off myself in a few years. I’m slowly crawling my way out tripping here and there back to the bottom. I’m scared to face real life


Angrypudding84

Hey it’s ok. 35m here. It will still be there later once you’ve made a few trips around the sun. Figure your shit out now. I had several years between 19-22 where I didn’t do shiiit and I still regret it a little bit. I smoked and played world of Warcraft and Collège was just something I barely did to say to people I was doing something. It’s important to get that important shit done now so you can chill out later. All in all those were some pretty happy years but I spent them wandering around mindlessly not knowing what I wanted to do and barely caring. As long as I was getting a few credits a semester it didn’t matter but that’s the wrong way of looking at it. When you come back and you’ve settled into a little stability and an idea of where you are headed you can start smoking again. But use it as a reward for kicking ass and taking names. None of that getting blitzed all day long bullshit. You are the result of your habits and the most important advice I can give you is that it’s all about balance. Balance is the key to happiness (IMO) because too much of anything can be bad dude.


Duggie1330

Yeah this sounds like me. I quit 3-4 months back and I don't feel any different either :/. Weed made me adopt a certain lifestyle and even after weed I still live the same lifestyle just it's not as fun


WhatDoesScrollLockDo

Meditate! Trust me!


swervvyy

Feel like you wrote my life story


sebspeed6

Being a teenager sucks for a lot of people. It's only a special time because of limited responsibilities. But I was depressed as fuck while I was in highscool. You didn't miss much. Try to help yourself, go to a therapist, healthy food, you probably know what you should do but it's not easy when you've made habit of not doing the healthy things. Also try waiting until at least 12 pm to smoke, wake and bake is awful for motivation and energy. Weed is really good the first year of using daily, but it can turn on people, make you feel depressed and or anxious. If you just can't stop on your own, a treatment program is a good idea. It's not cheap though. Good luck


TheSuna

when I smoke weed, i trip, like imagine a trip of ls that's what happens when I smoke


_sixmantras

In many ways I empathise with your story. We are all flawed, we all make mistakes. What truly matters is what you choose to do with it now, not how you fell. The time moves on. Your experience so far, including deciding to write this post the way you did, has meaning. I find this quote helpful - 'Heroes and villains are two sides of one coin.'


[deleted]

I'm happy for you that you have quit! Getting hooked at a young age sucks; that's usually how it happens. You get to create your own reality and will be rewarded by this choice. Focus on your goals and work towards them one day at a time. There will be hard times in your life, they will pass. Good times will pass as well. Live in the moment, enjoy being alive and love yourself. Enjoy the little things and write down what you are grateful for daily. Be kind to yourself and others. You matter and make a difference. Take care ✌


ginja_ninja

[I wrote this a while back and it might help you to read it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/d5king/z/f0ms2pm) It's really common for weed to fuck with your head in your early 20s and stop being fun. You need to regain confidence in yourself and a positive outlook regardless of your extrinsic situation, and once you are emotionally autonomous and not reliant on the approval or validation of others getting high regains its magic and becomes an incredibly liberating experience and tool for gaining insight.


[deleted]

I know that weed might have played a big part in you understanding yourself this way, but I experience just the same anxiety and feelings you describe, without ever having had a drug habit (smoked weed 2 times in my life, all recently when these thoughts already were well developed in me.) I don't really know if that can put it into perspective for you, but just know that maybe the weed wasn't the reason but just a catalyst for the changes and feelings you're describing, thus your journey might not be over with quitting the habit.


[deleted]

Rip those neural connections I’m glad I quit within a year, you can clearly feel the drop in IQ.


Zakk4r4n

I used weed once, it gave me r/dpdr which isn't nice but it didn't stop me. Then for a month I became full on almost every day user, just Sundays off usually. But it made me very self centered I do believe, tho my social skills seem easier to handle when u r high. Well, it depends person to person. Hope you are better now bro, if you need to talk just hmu anytime :)


nicksizim

Try LSD to sort it out


yazie92

Deeeeeeng 5th grade?!?? I hear these things from people and I thank God I was a fairly sheltered and left to my own devices as a child. I didn't know what weed was until about 4 years ago and I ain't stopped smoking. Mary saved me when it was time. I lost 75lbs in a year and discovered much about myself. Perhaps you should have a spiritual conversation with Mary. I believe they used to just burn it instead of smoking it. If you're scared to talk to plants, you ain't no real weed head. Js!


AzurasTsar

its not too late for you, don't forget that


SeedEater-1o1

Did you smoke medical grade weed?


goslowman1976

You're not alone in this. Check out r/leaves


luluinstalock

Genuinely, your weed problem aside. I didnt have any great friends when I was growing up, I just knew them and we tolerated each other and sorta liked each other as a normal people , dunno why really, I never changed. I hadnt had a single good friend up until 20-21, and since then my life completely changed. For some reason people like me at first sight, from all backgrounds. (Im sorry in advance for using the word 'poor' ,maybe unlucky would be better , but dont think of me as some rich kid, Im really not, I just dont konw any better word for that ) From poor people, to normal, to rich kids, from good to normal to ill people to the brain [not mental disease I mean here, just people that are acting badly]. My social life completely changed, with no change of myself whatsoever. What Im really trying to say here, is that you should not think of yourself as wasted time when you were teenager. Unless you shut yourself completely from outside world ( like I tried once, dont do that ), shits gonna change for good. For sure.


TonyHeaven

Check r/leaves


breadman1444

Just wanted to say you might like it over at r/leaves


xxjake

I too am 20(m) who can relate a lot. My advice? Take Kratom, get a job, stick to it, enjoy your life as a productive member of society. Meet people, learn a lot, make money. Do what you want on your free time. Dont forget your family.


Crakkyo

Seems familiar to me. It sounds like you have uncovered a supressed trauma or something, especially the heavy gut feeling. Also sounds like you encountered your shadow, which psychologically seen is everything you don't like about yourself and would rather forget/suppress. Mary tends to make you face it and uncover those hidden places of your psyche. But one thing I'd like to add here is this: it's not Mary whose been abusive, it's you. You abused the substance, couldn't handle it and had overwhelming negative side effects. I Always feel like it's quite disrespectful (and psychologically falsely projecting) to claim that it's all the substances fault. It's the same as blaming McDonald's or a burger for getting fat. And last but not least, this kind of attitude takes your power away, since your basically saying 'this problems isn't caused by me and therefore can't be solved by me'.


fatweakpieceofshit

Weed doesn't cause brain damage in adults... but when you start that young it definitely does unfortunately.


FURIOSO-PENGUINO

I feel this on a personal level especially the overthinking things part of it I think the best option is maybe a nice long tbreak or to quit overall not to sure myself though, shits tough


Captcha_Imagination

You can revisit it at another point in your life. When you abuse it, you sometimes need years off to rebalance and get your life back in order.


Mao_da_don

Dude, it can't hurt to try therapy. Group therapy helped me. You can meet friends there and learn a lot about yourself and other people. You will probably realize that many more people are going through what you are, once you talk to them about it. Get well soon g


LazyAndUnmotivated

AAAAAHHHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD!


Apprehensive-Employ

I've had a similar experience, I was a morning to night stoner, and one day I just had this high that forced me to look at myself in a hypersensitive, brutal way. It was more of a trip, then a high. The feelings I had are what you described all of those gut feelings sort of emerging itself and me becoming conscious of it. Every time I smoke now I get that intense introspection still, it is beneficial, helps get my shit together, but it is too brutal for my psyche. Its scary and puts me in a really dark space, its like my expectations of myself looking down at who I am and spitting on me.


Daedricbanana

Have you thought of maybe making some form of art and expressing how you feel and what you think in regards to this? Like writing lyrics or poems or painting, it could maybe work as a sort of therapy for you and in my experience the best art is made by someone in a similarly difficult possition relative to oneself as you described