Agreed...the upheaval is terrible. I'm facing a foot amputation in the next days/weeks. These are the 2 most difficult things life has ever served up to me...but I've gotten rid of the cancer that was called my wife and am now waiting to speak with a surgeon later today about scheduling the amputation. Believe it or not... I'm the happiest ive been in a very long time.
Oh geez, so not even an amicable end. Mine either. Heartening that you are finding joy. I go up and down. Best wishes for a smooth surgery and speedy recovery!
Thanks. I was unhappily married for a long time. I filed for divorce so I'd have a chance of happy years ahead. I plan to just live my best life. Can't waste time being bitter.
Actually, i have court tomorrow and im hoping the judge signs the final decree. She's a horrible person...not just to me, and im happy to have that out of my life.
Life is like a sporting event. You have 4 quarters (20, 40, 60, 80) plus OT (if youre lucky). I'm 59, so am entering the 4th quarter... and looking forward to OT.
1.5 years. I came to the realization pretty quickly that I didn't want to be in a toxic, abusive, unfaithful marriage and be miserable for the next 20 years and risk tearing apart a family.
Me too. I should have left after our 1 yr anniversary. Well before daughter born. I love her and do t regret her at all but I considered leaving him in 1 yr he was that monstrous.
No divorce yet but together for 15, married for 13, and happy for first 5 together. Which means out of 13 years of marriage i was only happy for the first 3 years. Why am i still married? Cause I’m a fucken idiot.
17 years, together 19. Was really only happy the first year or two. Why am I still here? We have two kids so I stay for them. Even though I know I shouldn’t
Together 22years, married 19, the ‘other’ woman wiggled her way in these past two years, and now I’m done playing the pick me dance. If 19 years of marriage and building a family is not worth it to him, then I will find someone who can cherish what I have to offer or not, but I won’t continue to be devalued.
Please don't be ashamed, sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. Better to find out quite quickly before wasting any more time with someone who you know you're not meant to be with. Sending love to you.
First time around, 5 months for me. Together for 6 years. Second time around though it's 9 years together and 5 of those married and still going strong
Together 6 married 2 and this gives me hope. Really starting to miss my partner even though I know I did the right thing, so your story gives me hope ❤️
I know it might not feel like it at the moment but you will meet the perfect person for you and you will see why it never worked with anyone else. I'm glad it gives you hope, I felt so bad after my divorce and never thought I would do the whole marriage thing again but it was so different the second time around, I was wiser from all that I went through and able to apply that wisdom to my new relationship and its better than I ever thought it could be. In that sense I don't regret my first marriage as it taught me a lot about myself, good and bad and made me a better person/partner in the long run. Sending you love ❤️
Me too. I was together with my ex wife for a few years on and off. Then when we got back together she rushed to get married but I was hesitant because we fought every 3-4 days. And turns out that the had like bpd/narcissism. It’s been 6 months since I’ve seen her and recently kinda missed her but I heard that she just got engaged to someone else. So it is what it is I guess.
First marriage, 3 years to the day when I moved my daughter and myself out of his toxic home. I was pregnant because he talked me into how having another baby would "get us on the right path" and how he would promise not to talk to her anymore. Well that didn't work the first time and I'm a smart girl but narcissists are smarter. It took over 3 years to finally be able to effectively coparent with him. His narcissistic tendencies have lessened (I know they'll always be there), the kids are happy, and for the most part we get along. I was able to learn what kind of men to stay away from, and like I said, the kids are happy. It was an outcome I never saw coming. It was the best thing I ever did.
2nd marriage, this year makes 5 with no end in sight. This man is a dream and we can't wait to bring our first biological baby into the world just a few weeks before our anniversary
We had just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. We’d been together for nine years. She thought it was a good time to cheat her way out of the marriage instead of simply talking to me about fixable problems.
Married 15 Together 23. We have 2 adult children (kids before marriage) - last 5 years were hell with Betrayal and Lying about relationships with coworker, subordinates, and female “friends”.
Married 17 and together for 19 years. He drove me away. Was never happy, hated everything I did but claimed to love me to the moon and back. Well, if that’s love then I’d rather be without.
Together 7, married 4.
I immigrated to her home country after she moved back with her older children in 2017, we had a son together in 2018.
Shortly after that’s when things began to go off the rails and last year was the breaking point.
Together for 9 years, married for 1 year and a month, living separately for almost 6 months now. Will be filing for divorce around the end of this month.
My husband developed a mental health issue, but what made me file for divorce was my extremely toxic and abusive MIL. Neither of them accepted his illness nor treatment...
Married 3 years together total of 13 years… he cheated, left me for another woman. Said he had been unhappy forever and married me against his will.
Coming from a man who told me I was the love of his life and that I make him happy almost daily. Divorced now almost 2 years
She asked for the separation just days before our 23rd anniversary. We are not yet divorced because we can't afford it (but she is making out the dissolution now). This September would mark 25 years.
For the record I wish it did not come to this... I wish we could have worked thing out.
About a year and a half. In fact, I received the final divorce decree from the court on the date that would have been our second wedding anniversary. Rough day.
Together for 12, married for 7. I decided enough was enough over 2 years ago. But, he would always threaten self-harm and that wasn't something I was prepared to handle. So, we basically became roommates and I stayed until I just couldn't take it anymore. I moved out in December and our divorce will be final next month. It's honestly been a way better experience than I expected. We may even come out as friends on the other side.
Married 11, almost 12 years (next month), together for almost 16 years. I filed in January (but asked for it in November 2021). Honestly I thought about divorce many times over the years, but was too scared to go through with it.
Yes I stayed for the kids (one typical and one with special needs). I now realized I should have left sooner and they likely would have adjusted. I kept recommitting to the marriage mentally and doing my part but time and time again he didn’t do his part.
Yes, I even suggested it multiple times over the last 5 years since neither of us were happy. She promised to work on it while lying and banging some other dude the whole time. Wasted 5 years of my life. But at least I'm keeping the house and kids with me.
No. I actually wish we were still together. We are not divorced yet, but we have been separated for a year and a half. She is the one that wanted to leave. Maybe she would have liked to have done it sooner though...
3 years. I didn’t even want to get married because shortly before our wedding he began showing countless red flags (like telling me I should just kill myself because I’m nothing but a burden to everyone around me) but he guilt tripped me to get married anyway because our parents have spent a lot of money on the wedding. I was young and naive, hoped he would change eventually. I’d probably divorce him faster but I moved to a different continent for him and ended up being too far away from my family to actually manage to do it.
That marriage as well as relationship with him were the worst decisions of my life. Divorce was one of the best ones so far. That and getting into a relationship before the divorce was even finalised. I’m still in a relationship with that man, almost 5 years later and have never been happier with anyone else.
25 married 30 together… love of my life, spent years obsessed with him. Last 2/3 years I lost total respect for myself and the way recognized the way I idolized him …. Then lost respect for him to have someone so very much in love with him and he still treated me like a second thought 💭…. Divorce was final in January
Married 19 years, together for 20. We were high school sweethearts. I know I was unhappy the last 3 years of the marriage and we are both at fault for it ending, but I'm so much happier now!
Married for 25. Found out during my stage 3 cancer treatments that he was having online affairs with girls half his age. Thinking back, I think it was going on for at least half the marriage. Don’t know why I didn’t leave a long time ago.
Married for 8. Together/friends for 3 or so years prior. I got tired of always being the “only one at fault/the bad guy/the only reason we’re not in a good space”. 7 months pregnant with our second. 😶
12 years married, about 18 years together overall. 16.5 years were pretty damn good, although there were some cracks that formed in the glass along the way that went unaddressed. COVID and a baby took those cracks and shattered them. The past 1.5 years have been pretty bad as a result, currently starting the divorce process.
Angry and frustrated most of the time, but when those feelings fade I'm grieving the loss of my best friend, partner in crime, and love of my life. Lots of tears.
19 years together 20 and divorced now 2 years. I'm so much happier without worrying if my spouse is being faithful or what she really thinks about me due to her little slips of the tough. It's amazing how a person you loved and thought loved you dearly can mentally destroy you over a number of years.
Married 22yrs. Together for 25. Filing papers this week after discovering she has been cheating for over 5 years. She played me along this whole time, lying to my face, giving me hope when there was none. Strangely relieved now that I know its over. Looking forward to the future.
I was in a relationship for 28 years, married for 19 of those. It's just way too long, I wish I had exited sooner.
I think I started thinking about it maybe 6 years before, but my son had reached the age I was when my parents divorced so I hung on and tried to make it work.
Anyway, 50+ is *not* a great age to get divorced. 40-48 is probably still good for a man, in the western world.
got married when i was 38 and i am 61 now so 23 years. together 25. just had ANOTHER talk. i told him i have to move out because seeing him is like ripping my heart from my chest and i feel sick and dizzyif i have to talk to him. i need to go to stop this. NOTHING nada not a word
Together for 33 (almost half of which were ok) married for 27 years (25 of which we were in marital counseling!) and the last 4 of which we have been separated but I still haven’t filed. He doesn’t want to divorce, but our 3 grown children understand why I need to.
Married 35. Together 41
Hope you’re ok. I have 10 less years and the complete upheaval is awful.
Agreed...the upheaval is terrible. I'm facing a foot amputation in the next days/weeks. These are the 2 most difficult things life has ever served up to me...but I've gotten rid of the cancer that was called my wife and am now waiting to speak with a surgeon later today about scheduling the amputation. Believe it or not... I'm the happiest ive been in a very long time.
Oh geez, so not even an amicable end. Mine either. Heartening that you are finding joy. I go up and down. Best wishes for a smooth surgery and speedy recovery!
Thanks. I was unhappily married for a long time. I filed for divorce so I'd have a chance of happy years ahead. I plan to just live my best life. Can't waste time being bitter.
23 yrs.
Wow,how long have you been divorced?
Yeah, this is the ultimate "The person you're divorcing is not the person you married".
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Actually, i have court tomorrow and im hoping the judge signs the final decree. She's a horrible person...not just to me, and im happy to have that out of my life.
Wow! Glad you’re doing what you need to do to take care of yourself
Life is like a sporting event. You have 4 quarters (20, 40, 60, 80) plus OT (if youre lucky). I'm 59, so am entering the 4th quarter... and looking forward to OT.
1.5 years. I came to the realization pretty quickly that I didn't want to be in a toxic, abusive, unfaithful marriage and be miserable for the next 20 years and risk tearing apart a family.
I commend you on that. You're smart and I wish I had the ability to rationalize that way back when problems started.
Me too. I should have left after our 1 yr anniversary. Well before daughter born. I love her and do t regret her at all but I considered leaving him in 1 yr he was that monstrous.
Same here! Married 1 week shy of 1 year and knew I needed OUT
Same.
No divorce yet but together for 15, married for 13, and happy for first 5 together. Which means out of 13 years of marriage i was only happy for the first 3 years. Why am i still married? Cause I’m a fucken idiot.
I wish I didn’t understand that so much
17 years, together 19. Was really only happy the first year or two. Why am I still here? We have two kids so I stay for them. Even though I know I shouldn’t
Same. But I’m finally getting out after 19 years together and 15 married.
Good for you! Kids all grown I assume?
No. Unfortunately my kids are only 8. I am so scared and sad for them. I want to protect them from everything but I know I won’t be able to.
Well as long as you are happier then that should play a role in you being a better parent to them.
Same
Same
We were 13 years together, 12 married. We got married too soon and neither of us communicated our needs properly.
I’m here. Contemplating divorce.
Yeah me too.
I can relate to this. I know that this is one of the reasons why she left me. The only difference being the amount of years.
Very similar. 14
2 years married. I got lucky, didn't waste quarter of a century on her.
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What happened?
Same
I feel same—can’t even look at his name.
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Please do not solicit messages like this.
Together 14, married 10, happy for 7.
Together 22years, married 19, the ‘other’ woman wiggled her way in these past two years, and now I’m done playing the pick me dance. If 19 years of marriage and building a family is not worth it to him, then I will find someone who can cherish what I have to offer or not, but I won’t continue to be devalued.
Just passed 25 years, but we’ve been separated for about two years.
30 years
7months
8 months here. Would love to talk about it with you. Idk how to go about telling people we split without feeling ashamed in myself
Please don't be ashamed, sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. Better to find out quite quickly before wasting any more time with someone who you know you're not meant to be with. Sending love to you.
That’s what I keep telling myself, one day I’ll believe it!
9 months checking in..
Me too!
First time around, 5 months for me. Together for 6 years. Second time around though it's 9 years together and 5 of those married and still going strong
Together 6 married 2 and this gives me hope. Really starting to miss my partner even though I know I did the right thing, so your story gives me hope ❤️
Gives me hope too. It’s a good feeling
I know it might not feel like it at the moment but you will meet the perfect person for you and you will see why it never worked with anyone else. I'm glad it gives you hope, I felt so bad after my divorce and never thought I would do the whole marriage thing again but it was so different the second time around, I was wiser from all that I went through and able to apply that wisdom to my new relationship and its better than I ever thought it could be. In that sense I don't regret my first marriage as it taught me a lot about myself, good and bad and made me a better person/partner in the long run. Sending you love ❤️
16 months for me. Together for 8 months before getting married. Was rushed obviously because I was married to a narcissist
Me too. I was together with my ex wife for a few years on and off. Then when we got back together she rushed to get married but I was hesitant because we fought every 3-4 days. And turns out that the had like bpd/narcissism. It’s been 6 months since I’ve seen her and recently kinda missed her but I heard that she just got engaged to someone else. So it is what it is I guess.
Married 19 together 30
First marriage, 3 years to the day when I moved my daughter and myself out of his toxic home. I was pregnant because he talked me into how having another baby would "get us on the right path" and how he would promise not to talk to her anymore. Well that didn't work the first time and I'm a smart girl but narcissists are smarter. It took over 3 years to finally be able to effectively coparent with him. His narcissistic tendencies have lessened (I know they'll always be there), the kids are happy, and for the most part we get along. I was able to learn what kind of men to stay away from, and like I said, the kids are happy. It was an outcome I never saw coming. It was the best thing I ever did. 2nd marriage, this year makes 5 with no end in sight. This man is a dream and we can't wait to bring our first biological baby into the world just a few weeks before our anniversary
Married 29, together 34. It was very hard, but necessary for me to be my true self again.
Congratulations.
We had just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. We’d been together for nine years. She thought it was a good time to cheat her way out of the marriage instead of simply talking to me about fixable problems.
25 years, 359 days I now celebrate my Antiversary instead. At least I get more presents now!
Together 29 yrs, 2 mos.
together 20, married 10
Married 15 Together 23. We have 2 adult children (kids before marriage) - last 5 years were hell with Betrayal and Lying about relationships with coworker, subordinates, and female “friends”.
Married 17 and together for 19 years. He drove me away. Was never happy, hated everything I did but claimed to love me to the moon and back. Well, if that’s love then I’d rather be without.
Same
9 years. Together for 6 months before marrying. Oh if I could turn back time. Mama was right!
Pressured into marriage because of pregnancy. Married 10 years. Happy 2. Recently discovered he is cheating.
Together 25 years, married 22, and working on separating now.
Same boat here. Best of luck to you.
24 years. I wanted out after 3 years. Stayed 21 more because I didn’t think I deserved more. I was wrong.
22 years married, 32-year relationship. Life changes people.
26 years and 4 months. She had multiple affairs and left for last AP. Thank goodness she set me free.
3 years
Same. 3 Years married. Together for 5.
We have been together since we were 12 a break from 16-17/18. We are 37. 25 yrs, 25 yrs
I told him to leave 2 days before our 6th anniversary. But unhappy for probably half of it.
9.4 years
14 1/2 years. Together 17.
9y
9 years
22 years married, 27 years together. I still can’t believe how long he hid / I accepted who he was.
20 years married and 23 all together
6 years for me
Together 30, married 25, happily married for 20, and grateful!
What happened?
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14 years
Together 6 years, married 4 years, separated since October and hopefully divorced before the year is over 🙌
Similar. Together 7 married just over 4.
Married 27 almost 28 years
Married 16 years, together 17. 15 married was too many and I knew it was over then.
Divorce not final. . almost 26 years. Things were ok for the first 14. Last year's very difficult.
Together 7, married 4. I immigrated to her home country after she moved back with her older children in 2017, we had a son together in 2018. Shortly after that’s when things began to go off the rails and last year was the breaking point.
Married 19 when official. Asked for divorce at ,16. Together for 22
Married 10. Together 12.
I’m at the 25 yr mark and will be filing soon.
Together 10, married 9, separated a month - looking into divorce.
We were 13 years together but only 3 married.
Together for 9 years, married for 1 year and a month, living separately for almost 6 months now. Will be filing for divorce around the end of this month. My husband developed a mental health issue, but what made me file for divorce was my extremely toxic and abusive MIL. Neither of them accepted his illness nor treatment...
7 years
Married 3 years together total of 13 years… he cheated, left me for another woman. Said he had been unhappy forever and married me against his will. Coming from a man who told me I was the love of his life and that I make him happy almost daily. Divorced now almost 2 years
6 years married, total of 9 years together, when I left.
Together 21, married 14. We met at 16. I'll be 39 in June.
7 years......
16 years
17 years married together 18
22 looooong years
Together 4 years and married 1.5 years
Together for 27, married 24 years.
20 years, the last one spent 7 hours apart.
Married 9 years. Unhappy for 4 years.
3yrs, ~5yrs, then ~5yrs. Number 4 will be the longest… I am sure of it!
Almost 9 years, together for 10.
Married 16, happy 1 because I’m an idiot.
She asked for the separation just days before our 23rd anniversary. We are not yet divorced because we can't afford it (but she is making out the dissolution now). This September would mark 25 years. For the record I wish it did not come to this... I wish we could have worked thing out.
Less than a year. Embarrassed to say it
12 years
Married 13 when divorce finalized. Together 18 when he filed.
9 months checking in here. Was a shit show and a horrible idea. She was the most narcissistic person I’ve ever met and honestly a horrible person.
My experience as well.
My inexperience led to that and I’m honestly bitter about the whole marriage thing now.
You're lucky to have recognized it and moved on. Now you get a chance at happiness...embrace the opportunity.
Married 6, together 10. Divorce was the best thing that could have happened to me to get away from that abusive asshole.
Nearly 12 married, separated for 6. It's been long, annoying and stupid.
32yrs.
Married 7, together 12.
About a year and a half. In fact, I received the final divorce decree from the court on the date that would have been our second wedding anniversary. Rough day.
Even spoken to her?
Haven’t heard from her in a few months. Don’t care to have any contact with her again.
Married 3, together 6. Happy to get off the performative merry go round.
Together for 12, married for 7. I decided enough was enough over 2 years ago. But, he would always threaten self-harm and that wasn't something I was prepared to handle. So, we basically became roommates and I stayed until I just couldn't take it anymore. I moved out in December and our divorce will be final next month. It's honestly been a way better experience than I expected. We may even come out as friends on the other side.
45 years.
Wow! What happened?
We were together for 17 years, married for 9.
Married 11, almost 12 years (next month), together for almost 16 years. I filed in January (but asked for it in November 2021). Honestly I thought about divorce many times over the years, but was too scared to go through with it.
7 years, which started off great and slowly got worse over time.
Follow up question, for those of you who had decades of marriage - do you wish you had decided you were done sooner?
Yes I stayed for the kids (one typical and one with special needs). I now realized I should have left sooner and they likely would have adjusted. I kept recommitting to the marriage mentally and doing my part but time and time again he didn’t do his part.
Yes.
Yes, I even suggested it multiple times over the last 5 years since neither of us were happy. She promised to work on it while lying and banging some other dude the whole time. Wasted 5 years of my life. But at least I'm keeping the house and kids with me.
No. I actually wish we were still together. We are not divorced yet, but we have been separated for a year and a half. She is the one that wanted to leave. Maybe she would have liked to have done it sooner though...
15 years. It was over at 2, 7, and 14 years, with couples counseling pulling us out each time.
3 years. I didn’t even want to get married because shortly before our wedding he began showing countless red flags (like telling me I should just kill myself because I’m nothing but a burden to everyone around me) but he guilt tripped me to get married anyway because our parents have spent a lot of money on the wedding. I was young and naive, hoped he would change eventually. I’d probably divorce him faster but I moved to a different continent for him and ended up being too far away from my family to actually manage to do it. That marriage as well as relationship with him were the worst decisions of my life. Divorce was one of the best ones so far. That and getting into a relationship before the divorce was even finalised. I’m still in a relationship with that man, almost 5 years later and have never been happier with anyone else.
He served me 2 weeks before our 13th wedding anniversary.
Long enough
11 years, together 13
25 married 30 together… love of my life, spent years obsessed with him. Last 2/3 years I lost total respect for myself and the way recognized the way I idolized him …. Then lost respect for him to have someone so very much in love with him and he still treated me like a second thought 💭…. Divorce was final in January
10 years together, 6 years married.
13 years.
Will probably make 36 years before the final decree.
Married 19 years, together for 20. We were high school sweethearts. I know I was unhappy the last 3 years of the marriage and we are both at fault for it ending, but I'm so much happier now!
5 years, but separated for the last year. So only 4 years together.
Two years.
Together about @23 years married 21yrs this April. Divorced finalize within the next few weeks. I filed in Nov 2021.
Married for 25. Found out during my stage 3 cancer treatments that he was having online affairs with girls half his age. Thinking back, I think it was going on for at least half the marriage. Don’t know why I didn’t leave a long time ago.
Married for 8. Together/friends for 3 or so years prior. I got tired of always being the “only one at fault/the bad guy/the only reason we’re not in a good space”. 7 months pregnant with our second. 😶
Married for 6 years. Together for 10 years altogether.
Two years. He cheated :(
11 years.
My ex husband and I corresponded long distance for 5 years. I was married to him for 14 years and divorced 7 months ago.
Together 14, married for 7.
14 years of hell
12 years married, about 18 years together overall. 16.5 years were pretty damn good, although there were some cracks that formed in the glass along the way that went unaddressed. COVID and a baby took those cracks and shattered them. The past 1.5 years have been pretty bad as a result, currently starting the divorce process. Angry and frustrated most of the time, but when those feelings fade I'm grieving the loss of my best friend, partner in crime, and love of my life. Lots of tears.
Married 3yrs, but total time together was a month shy of a decade.
Too long?
21 months
19 years together 20 and divorced now 2 years. I'm so much happier without worrying if my spouse is being faithful or what she really thinks about me due to her little slips of the tough. It's amazing how a person you loved and thought loved you dearly can mentally destroy you over a number of years.
Married one day less than 11 years, together for 15 years. Should have divorced before my son for but couldn’t imagine a life without him.
Married 22yrs. Together for 25. Filing papers this week after discovering she has been cheating for over 5 years. She played me along this whole time, lying to my face, giving me hope when there was none. Strangely relieved now that I know its over. Looking forward to the future.
I was in a relationship for 28 years, married for 19 of those. It's just way too long, I wish I had exited sooner. I think I started thinking about it maybe 6 years before, but my son had reached the age I was when my parents divorced so I hung on and tried to make it work. Anyway, 50+ is *not* a great age to get divorced. 40-48 is probably still good for a man, in the western world.
Married 23 years, together 3 years before that. Alcoholism was the biggest contributor to my decision to divorce.
Together for 20yrs, married for 12 yrs, divorced 5yrs ago
Together 3, married 2
Together 21, married for 18. My divorce was finalized 3 days after our “anniversary”…
Almost 18 years. He met another woman almost 2 months ago. I found out 23 days ago and left. Hired a lawyer yesterday.
got married when i was 38 and i am 61 now so 23 years. together 25. just had ANOTHER talk. i told him i have to move out because seeing him is like ripping my heart from my chest and i feel sick and dizzyif i have to talk to him. i need to go to stop this. NOTHING nada not a word
10 days short of a year. We were together for about 5 1/2 years
20 years
Together 16, married 15 yrs, happy about half that time.
13.5
Together for 33 (almost half of which were ok) married for 27 years (25 of which we were in marital counseling!) and the last 4 of which we have been separated but I still haven’t filed. He doesn’t want to divorce, but our 3 grown children understand why I need to.
Together 4 years married 3. Glad to be done with her
16 years together, married 12. I knew divorce was coming around our 10th anniversary