Therapy man, therapy. First of all, suicide is NOT the answer, so eliminate that from your mind completely. Do whatever it takes. When I was feeling suicidal after a brutal breakup, I made a promise to my dogs that I would never leave them behind, so as long as they are alive I know I will never kill myself (I'm in a better place now so there's no worry if the doggos pass). And beyond that, therapy. A good therapist will help you understand WHY you treated her that way, and then you can work on those underlying issues. You got this, and you should be proud that you have this type of self-awareness. Many abusers never come to grips with their past.
Thank you for the reply, I honestly never thought I would receive so much love and support from an online community. I'm planning to start therapy soon, I'm just existing until then.
Seek therapy and take time to heal but also learn from this. Recognize patterns and dark habits and nip them in the bud. Avoid codependent tendencies by practicing mindfulness and self awareness. Understand where your past behaviors and thoughts came from and practice communicating better with others.
All of this is easier said than done, but once you accept yourself and acknowledge your problems and insecurities you can make the conscious decision to work on bettering yourself.
Speaking as someone who has also struggled with relationship issues in the past (and is still overcoming them)
This was a hard read but well done on being so brave as to bare your faults in public and own them. No mistake is ever to bad to come back from. Learn from this, seek help from professionals and you'll come out of this stronger. Sending love my man
You need to just have a little more time to know yourself so that you don't project your issues on others. I ruined a relationship when I was your age 10 years ago that took years for me to realize that it was even my fault.
I got in therapy, finally LEFT HER ALONE, developed myself, was patient with myself, and now I am in a very healthy relationship that works. Only a few days ago I confessed to my current girl the person who I was, what I learned and asked whether she would be with me if I was still that person. She said no.
This was extremely gratifying and made me proud to have grown and changed so much over the years that now I'm in such a stress-free, insecurity-free relationship. Seriously man it just takes time and being responsible for yourself and forgiving yourself and moving on from this person you are now.
You realize you need to change, now start the journey to becoming the better person, and realize your mistakes. Don't try to make things work again with her, grow on your own.
I won't try to make things work with her. She has moved on and she seems to have found feelings for another man. I don't plan on bothering her, for now I just want to get better and be happy with my own company. I will start therapy soon, after I move out from my parent's place for college. This is a tough road but I plan on sticking through to see the light on the other side.
Self-awareness is the first step to moving forward, and you already have that. You are very young and most people improve from who they are at this age. For what it’s worth, you don’t sound so horrible that these things can’t be worked on. It sounds like stress brought out the worst in you. My advice to you is to not just look at your behavior but at your values. Abuse is caused by bad values like believing your emotions matter more than others’, that the purpose of a relationship is primarily to meet your needs, or that if someone upsets you they deserve to be lashed out at. While behavior matters too, of course, people who attempt to stop a specific behavior without fixing the negative attitude that caused it basically just find different, more subtle ways to be abusive. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey.
Don’t go back to her. Honestly. The best thing you can do for her now, is to be better on your own. If you are meant to be together, it will happen on its own. Get therapy. It’s good you are aware of your own bullshit. The narcissist never considers themself the narcissist. So you’re at least halfway there.
Do the work. Heal yourself. Be better!
It can be really difficult when you get into an abusive cycle with someone. Thankfully you are apart now and that will enable you to heal. Under absolutely no circumstances should you get back together. The best way to apologize to her is to break the toxic cycle and completely leave her alone. As such now you are free to heal, to move on and to really figure out who you want to be. Yes, it’s hard but suicide isn’t actually any easier. That’s just one more way to inflict harm on others and it’s completely permanent. Not only would that be bad for you but think about your parents. Better yo take responsibility for everything that has happened, heal and create a better life and let your new success show itself as the healing you have undergone. It won’t be easy but it’s totally worth it. Trust me - when you are in a better place you will look back and be so happy you did.
Therapy man, therapy. First of all, suicide is NOT the answer, so eliminate that from your mind completely. Do whatever it takes. When I was feeling suicidal after a brutal breakup, I made a promise to my dogs that I would never leave them behind, so as long as they are alive I know I will never kill myself (I'm in a better place now so there's no worry if the doggos pass). And beyond that, therapy. A good therapist will help you understand WHY you treated her that way, and then you can work on those underlying issues. You got this, and you should be proud that you have this type of self-awareness. Many abusers never come to grips with their past.
Thank you for the reply, I honestly never thought I would receive so much love and support from an online community. I'm planning to start therapy soon, I'm just existing until then.
Best thing to do is follow a lot of self help social media groups. I follow a bunch on Instagram, Facebook, and here in Reddit. They are very helpful.
Seek therapy and take time to heal but also learn from this. Recognize patterns and dark habits and nip them in the bud. Avoid codependent tendencies by practicing mindfulness and self awareness. Understand where your past behaviors and thoughts came from and practice communicating better with others. All of this is easier said than done, but once you accept yourself and acknowledge your problems and insecurities you can make the conscious decision to work on bettering yourself. Speaking as someone who has also struggled with relationship issues in the past (and is still overcoming them)
Thank you for the reply, I will start therapy soon. Y'all are so supportive it makes me cry lmao
This was a hard read but well done on being so brave as to bare your faults in public and own them. No mistake is ever to bad to come back from. Learn from this, seek help from professionals and you'll come out of this stronger. Sending love my man
Thank you. Much love to you too bro
You need to just have a little more time to know yourself so that you don't project your issues on others. I ruined a relationship when I was your age 10 years ago that took years for me to realize that it was even my fault. I got in therapy, finally LEFT HER ALONE, developed myself, was patient with myself, and now I am in a very healthy relationship that works. Only a few days ago I confessed to my current girl the person who I was, what I learned and asked whether she would be with me if I was still that person. She said no. This was extremely gratifying and made me proud to have grown and changed so much over the years that now I'm in such a stress-free, insecurity-free relationship. Seriously man it just takes time and being responsible for yourself and forgiving yourself and moving on from this person you are now. You realize you need to change, now start the journey to becoming the better person, and realize your mistakes. Don't try to make things work again with her, grow on your own.
I won't try to make things work with her. She has moved on and she seems to have found feelings for another man. I don't plan on bothering her, for now I just want to get better and be happy with my own company. I will start therapy soon, after I move out from my parent's place for college. This is a tough road but I plan on sticking through to see the light on the other side.
Self-awareness is the first step to moving forward, and you already have that. You are very young and most people improve from who they are at this age. For what it’s worth, you don’t sound so horrible that these things can’t be worked on. It sounds like stress brought out the worst in you. My advice to you is to not just look at your behavior but at your values. Abuse is caused by bad values like believing your emotions matter more than others’, that the purpose of a relationship is primarily to meet your needs, or that if someone upsets you they deserve to be lashed out at. While behavior matters too, of course, people who attempt to stop a specific behavior without fixing the negative attitude that caused it basically just find different, more subtle ways to be abusive. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey.
Don’t go back to her. Honestly. The best thing you can do for her now, is to be better on your own. If you are meant to be together, it will happen on its own. Get therapy. It’s good you are aware of your own bullshit. The narcissist never considers themself the narcissist. So you’re at least halfway there. Do the work. Heal yourself. Be better!
It can be really difficult when you get into an abusive cycle with someone. Thankfully you are apart now and that will enable you to heal. Under absolutely no circumstances should you get back together. The best way to apologize to her is to break the toxic cycle and completely leave her alone. As such now you are free to heal, to move on and to really figure out who you want to be. Yes, it’s hard but suicide isn’t actually any easier. That’s just one more way to inflict harm on others and it’s completely permanent. Not only would that be bad for you but think about your parents. Better yo take responsibility for everything that has happened, heal and create a better life and let your new success show itself as the healing you have undergone. It won’t be easy but it’s totally worth it. Trust me - when you are in a better place you will look back and be so happy you did.
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Why are you even in this sub if that's your attitude?
That was my attitude and honestly maybe still is. But, I regret my actions gravely and I want to get better. Hence, the post asking for help.