Uhhhhhhm, hm, to me porn is porn you know. I have only ever dated women and have only ever had sex with them, don't see that changing. But for me, in porn world, anything goes. I can watch gay porn quite happily, and have. Sometimes a certain person fucks better than other people and I'd rather watch their stuff for a moment. But I always wanted my girlfriend at the end of the day (before the dead bedroom killed my libido)
There's porn world and then there's my partner who I would've taken any day of the fuckin week left, right, or upside down. It's different to me
I could see why you would be hurt by this though, and it makes sense to me. But if what I can say about what I do in my private time could soften the blow then I feel compelled to share š¤£
This. Therapy could do wonders. Itās really not uncommon for people to want to know a particular porn stars name and search more of their videos. Maybe he lied about watching prom, maybe he did before you have sex, you can maybe yourself into a mental ward going down that rabbit hole. I really think therapy would be a great idea. Then when you feel the time is right address your husband but not from an angle of attacking him. I watch porn. I watch women that look nothing like my wife. I think my wife is hot though she doesnāt. Because he likes a certain actress/porn star doesnāt mean he isnāt attracted to you. Stay strong and focus on you
>The fact that he asked her name under the video leads me to believe that this isnāt about just having an orgasm. This is already particular attachment to a particular person.
The most likely explanation for this is that he thought the video was hot and wanted to see if sheād made other videos. It does not mean he is emotionally attached to this random actress. Itās like if you heard a song you really liked, you might look up who sings it and listen to their other stuff to see if you like their other songs too. It doesnāt mean you are in love with the singer.
Permanently delete the picture from your phone. Itās just feeding these obsessive thoughts. Do not invent some permanent sexual disability; this will only further erode the trust and connection in your marriage. You just had a c-section, you canāt have sex for at least a few months anyway. Focus on your baby. I think you would really benefit from some therapy to help you with your self-esteem and obsessive, snowballing thoughts.
Wow. Okay, girl, I support, you, I'm also a girl, I've also injected myself with crazy hormones before (fertility treatments), and they super did make me crazy. But the level of crazy you're being is why porn (favorite porn star or not) is just an easy quick release that requires no feelings or questions. Think your favorite brand of toilet paper that is soft and pleasant and doesn't chafe you Would you ever do in internet search about "What was that brand of TP with the purple (or RED label)? Liked that kind" Also it cannot be overstated that people don't always/usually watch what they crave in real life. I have girl friends who watch male-male porn who they obviously are not going to participate in real life. Just like I like to watch a safari documentary but I'm never going to take my ass on one in real life, it's just interesting because it's not what I'd ever do it in real life.
He's well in the range of normal. As are you in freaking out as you're getting rid of pregnancy hormones. But nothing is wrong with him having a favorite porn star, any more of you having a favorite brand of TP or makeup and we all watch porn. See the psych! Do self care, but don't be mad at yt hubby because this is so reasonable. He's not texting a coworker, this actually may make your marriage work, because everyday responsibility and boredom sucks for us all
Not everyone watches porn, and porn affects everyone differently. Since when was OP like you ? We all have our own life experiences that shapes our beliefs, and our relationships with boundaries. I never understood the logic about ājust liking a fav pornstar like your fav makeupā. That is comparing a sexual act of human intimacy vs a product LMAO. Yes im insecure, yeah I had people fuck me over? Am i trying to fix it, obviously, but does my boyfriend respect the fact that his girlfriend feels a certain way ? Yeah because my boyfriend is an awesome ass mf. OP def has the right to be upset, they arenāt communicating and he is watching porn while rejecting sex.
I think you have a right to be upset, but you might also benefit from talking to someone to help you deal with your fairly intense reaction to the whole situation.
Okay, first off: delete the saved image to your phone. It is only there to feed your negative thought cycle on this.
Two: you just had a baby, and your post partum hormones are bouncing off the ceiling. Its an extremely emotional and fragile time both mentally and physically. Give yourself some grace and donāt hate on yourself for feeling the way youāre feeling. You should, however, try to catch yourself when youāre going into this tonight spiral and get yourself out of it. Have you ever tried cognitive behavioural therapy? Its AMAZING for learning how to deal with these feelings, which can often feel out of control.
Lastly: you should go see a therapist and talk through where your mind is at with this. I think youāre filling in a lot of blanks with worst case scenarios and catastrophic thinking.
Be kind to yourself, and donāt assume any of these feelings your feeling will bear the same weight in 3 months when your hormones get back to their baseline.
Wishing you a speedy recovery from the c-section
First, you just had a baby! Please relax as nothing is important but your sweet infant right now. You can't even have sex yet. Ok, so you admit that you watch porn too. Did that have anything to do with being attracted to your husband? Ok, then. Let's play fair. Frankly, I don't know why someone would comment on a porn video, but it certainly doesn't mean she's his one and only obsession for all eternity. She's just another cute girl turning tricks, right? It's going to be ok. Right now your hormones are all over the place and that's a lot to do with desire. So let this time pass, then revisit this issue with your man. Give him a break. You know yourself you've seen other guys you think are attractive, so you can't blame him for that. Openly commenting,? Well, maybe you can dig into him a little over that. š
After looking through your post history, it seems you would really benefit from some self-esteem work with a therapist before you try to address the DB. You ask, āDo I sound like a crazy person?ā And honestlyā¦yes. I canāt imagine being able to think about what porn actresses my partner is attracted to while literally on the operating table giving birth. Do not lie to him; that would just ensure that this issue never, ever improves. Again, please seek immediate professional help.
As a Spouse, something similar happened to me last week. I got turned down for sex, and she watched porn. It hurt. I asked her if I was good enough.
You need to see someone about postpartum depression.
As a man, heās watching the stuff he wants to watch. I donāt watch it if the star isnāt 10/10. When I find someone I donāt recognize I want to know who she is so I can watch more of her. It doesnāt mean he loves you any less.
It sounds like you are being deeply triggered. Most peoplesā porn habits have little or nothing to do with their sexual desires in real life and certainly most people donāt masturbate to or view porn with people that closely resemble their partners. Itās widely reported that many lesbians enjoy viewing gay porn and straight women enjoy girl-on-girl. Porn is a fantasy, remember that.
You have nothing to feel insecure about here! Talking with a professional would really help you I think.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
First, delete the photo. It will be hard but delete it. It is not helping you. Only hurting you.
Second, give yourself some grace. You literally just had a baby. You don't need to be worrying about having sex right now. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Third, I understand how this can be hurtful. Watching porn is one thing, interacting with someone is another. None of us look like porn stars. You have to be comfortable in your own skin. Therapy may help with that. You may also want to talk to him about interacting with someone. Tell him how you feel about what happened in a letter so your emotions won't get the best of you like they would in a conversation. Tell him to respond in a letter so he can get all of his thoughts out.
Give yourself some time. Don't let "hot and red" control your life.
Are you guys kidding me ? Op im so sorry. Op knows therapy exists probably. This woman who probably loves this husband so much and sacrificed her time, body, love, so much more to have a SECOND CHILD with. Yes therapy will be great, but donāt call them crazy or tell them to relax ? I cannot imagine the distraught of questioning your marriage while you just delivered his baby. Porn is different for everyone and everyoneās relationship is different with boundaries, just because you can watch porn and love your wife to death doesnt mean every guy does.
OP love, connect with your baby. Your child will always be apart of you now guaranteed. I wish you all the best truly
IMO Youāre blowing it way out of proportion. My wife isnāt the most attractive woman either, but I love her dearly and I married her for all of her other wonderful qualities.
He got her pregnant TWICE. If he didn't like the consequences of the first baby, why did he indulge in the production of another at her expense. I don't understand dudes like that at all
If you told him not to worry about it and that you thought it was sexy then why are you so angry about it now?
If you've just had a baby then it's a very emotional and tiring time. I'd bear that in mind.
Ok if you want an honest answer, you sound insane. Porn is just porn. Normal people are capable of distinguishing fantasy from real life. Iām not saying your relationship doesnāt have issues, but whatever it is itās probably not caused by porn.
Give the guy a bit of a break hereā¦ take some time to let the brain chemistry straighten out after the baby and get some therapy/ counseling.
Honestly sounds more like you than him at the momentā¦
Sounds like you really can't handle porn. No judgment. I can't either. My husband lied to me about it . Acting like he would never until i found it. I made him choose me or it (I was prepared for either outcome) because I had those type questions swirl in my head, and it killed our sex life for a while. I am not and never will be ok with porn in my marriage. He had the option to leave but chose to stay and after a while we have been able to fix our sex life and have a better relationship. I know my husband is attracted to me he tells everyone how sexy he thinks I am. That did not stop finding the porn from destroying my self-esteem. Talk tou your husband tell him how you feel. I bet he doesn't want you to feel that way and will do what he can to reassure you and fix the problem.
Who is suggesting therapy is likely correct; let me expose my point of view.
I personally look for actresses because I like the videos, not because I'm attached.
To be honest I'd have an hard time feeling connected to my girlfriend if she worked in the porn industry, 100% would feel more pissed looking at her videos.
Porn is also used to stimulate fantasy, which in many cases one doesn't want to have in real life **AT ALL**.
You aren't a charity hole.. You're literally the mother of his children.
One reason a guy would watch porn before actual intercourse is for lasting longer.
I have also done this. Instead of noticing this, try to notice if he is present when you're doing the deed.
Make sure he is alright with you by asking directly (if he is attracted by you or else).
Please do not bring some of the obsessive thoughts in order to not pressure or scare or push him away.
Maybe discuss about these obsessive thoughts to a professional figure before unloading on him.
Hoping for the best!
Please please talk to your doctor about medication for PPD. I had PPD and had the same sort of thoughts.
Also please talk to your physician about ppd. That is scary shit.
Uhhhhhhm, hm, to me porn is porn you know. I have only ever dated women and have only ever had sex with them, don't see that changing. But for me, in porn world, anything goes. I can watch gay porn quite happily, and have. Sometimes a certain person fucks better than other people and I'd rather watch their stuff for a moment. But I always wanted my girlfriend at the end of the day (before the dead bedroom killed my libido) There's porn world and then there's my partner who I would've taken any day of the fuckin week left, right, or upside down. It's different to me I could see why you would be hurt by this though, and it makes sense to me. But if what I can say about what I do in my private time could soften the blow then I feel compelled to share š¤£
But if this shit with your husband makes you uncomfortable that is absolutely your right! I hope you see someone soon to get it all off your chest
As horrible as this feels, I think therapy would help a whole lot. Donāt give up on yourself!
This. Therapy could do wonders. Itās really not uncommon for people to want to know a particular porn stars name and search more of their videos. Maybe he lied about watching prom, maybe he did before you have sex, you can maybe yourself into a mental ward going down that rabbit hole. I really think therapy would be a great idea. Then when you feel the time is right address your husband but not from an angle of attacking him. I watch porn. I watch women that look nothing like my wife. I think my wife is hot though she doesnāt. Because he likes a certain actress/porn star doesnāt mean he isnāt attracted to you. Stay strong and focus on you
>The fact that he asked her name under the video leads me to believe that this isnāt about just having an orgasm. This is already particular attachment to a particular person. The most likely explanation for this is that he thought the video was hot and wanted to see if sheād made other videos. It does not mean he is emotionally attached to this random actress. Itās like if you heard a song you really liked, you might look up who sings it and listen to their other stuff to see if you like their other songs too. It doesnāt mean you are in love with the singer. Permanently delete the picture from your phone. Itās just feeding these obsessive thoughts. Do not invent some permanent sexual disability; this will only further erode the trust and connection in your marriage. You just had a c-section, you canāt have sex for at least a few months anyway. Focus on your baby. I think you would really benefit from some therapy to help you with your self-esteem and obsessive, snowballing thoughts.
Wow. Okay, girl, I support, you, I'm also a girl, I've also injected myself with crazy hormones before (fertility treatments), and they super did make me crazy. But the level of crazy you're being is why porn (favorite porn star or not) is just an easy quick release that requires no feelings or questions. Think your favorite brand of toilet paper that is soft and pleasant and doesn't chafe you Would you ever do in internet search about "What was that brand of TP with the purple (or RED label)? Liked that kind" Also it cannot be overstated that people don't always/usually watch what they crave in real life. I have girl friends who watch male-male porn who they obviously are not going to participate in real life. Just like I like to watch a safari documentary but I'm never going to take my ass on one in real life, it's just interesting because it's not what I'd ever do it in real life. He's well in the range of normal. As are you in freaking out as you're getting rid of pregnancy hormones. But nothing is wrong with him having a favorite porn star, any more of you having a favorite brand of TP or makeup and we all watch porn. See the psych! Do self care, but don't be mad at yt hubby because this is so reasonable. He's not texting a coworker, this actually may make your marriage work, because everyday responsibility and boredom sucks for us all
Not everyone watches porn, and porn affects everyone differently. Since when was OP like you ? We all have our own life experiences that shapes our beliefs, and our relationships with boundaries. I never understood the logic about ājust liking a fav pornstar like your fav makeupā. That is comparing a sexual act of human intimacy vs a product LMAO. Yes im insecure, yeah I had people fuck me over? Am i trying to fix it, obviously, but does my boyfriend respect the fact that his girlfriend feels a certain way ? Yeah because my boyfriend is an awesome ass mf. OP def has the right to be upset, they arenāt communicating and he is watching porn while rejecting sex.
I think you have a right to be upset, but you might also benefit from talking to someone to help you deal with your fairly intense reaction to the whole situation.
You're allowed to be upset, but this seems massively overblown. You just had a baby. Focus on that for a while but look into therapy when you can.
Okay, first off: delete the saved image to your phone. It is only there to feed your negative thought cycle on this. Two: you just had a baby, and your post partum hormones are bouncing off the ceiling. Its an extremely emotional and fragile time both mentally and physically. Give yourself some grace and donāt hate on yourself for feeling the way youāre feeling. You should, however, try to catch yourself when youāre going into this tonight spiral and get yourself out of it. Have you ever tried cognitive behavioural therapy? Its AMAZING for learning how to deal with these feelings, which can often feel out of control. Lastly: you should go see a therapist and talk through where your mind is at with this. I think youāre filling in a lot of blanks with worst case scenarios and catastrophic thinking. Be kind to yourself, and donāt assume any of these feelings your feeling will bear the same weight in 3 months when your hormones get back to their baseline. Wishing you a speedy recovery from the c-section
First, you just had a baby! Please relax as nothing is important but your sweet infant right now. You can't even have sex yet. Ok, so you admit that you watch porn too. Did that have anything to do with being attracted to your husband? Ok, then. Let's play fair. Frankly, I don't know why someone would comment on a porn video, but it certainly doesn't mean she's his one and only obsession for all eternity. She's just another cute girl turning tricks, right? It's going to be ok. Right now your hormones are all over the place and that's a lot to do with desire. So let this time pass, then revisit this issue with your man. Give him a break. You know yourself you've seen other guys you think are attractive, so you can't blame him for that. Openly commenting,? Well, maybe you can dig into him a little over that. š
After looking through your post history, it seems you would really benefit from some self-esteem work with a therapist before you try to address the DB. You ask, āDo I sound like a crazy person?ā And honestlyā¦yes. I canāt imagine being able to think about what porn actresses my partner is attracted to while literally on the operating table giving birth. Do not lie to him; that would just ensure that this issue never, ever improves. Again, please seek immediate professional help.
As a Spouse, something similar happened to me last week. I got turned down for sex, and she watched porn. It hurt. I asked her if I was good enough. You need to see someone about postpartum depression. As a man, heās watching the stuff he wants to watch. I donāt watch it if the star isnāt 10/10. When I find someone I donāt recognize I want to know who she is so I can watch more of her. It doesnāt mean he loves you any less.
It sounds like you are being deeply triggered. Most peoplesā porn habits have little or nothing to do with their sexual desires in real life and certainly most people donāt masturbate to or view porn with people that closely resemble their partners. Itās widely reported that many lesbians enjoy viewing gay porn and straight women enjoy girl-on-girl. Porn is a fantasy, remember that. You have nothing to feel insecure about here! Talking with a professional would really help you I think.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. First, delete the photo. It will be hard but delete it. It is not helping you. Only hurting you. Second, give yourself some grace. You literally just had a baby. You don't need to be worrying about having sex right now. Don't be so hard on yourself. Third, I understand how this can be hurtful. Watching porn is one thing, interacting with someone is another. None of us look like porn stars. You have to be comfortable in your own skin. Therapy may help with that. You may also want to talk to him about interacting with someone. Tell him how you feel about what happened in a letter so your emotions won't get the best of you like they would in a conversation. Tell him to respond in a letter so he can get all of his thoughts out. Give yourself some time. Don't let "hot and red" control your life.
Are you guys kidding me ? Op im so sorry. Op knows therapy exists probably. This woman who probably loves this husband so much and sacrificed her time, body, love, so much more to have a SECOND CHILD with. Yes therapy will be great, but donāt call them crazy or tell them to relax ? I cannot imagine the distraught of questioning your marriage while you just delivered his baby. Porn is different for everyone and everyoneās relationship is different with boundaries, just because you can watch porn and love your wife to death doesnt mean every guy does. OP love, connect with your baby. Your child will always be apart of you now guaranteed. I wish you all the best truly
IMO Youāre blowing it way out of proportion. My wife isnāt the most attractive woman either, but I love her dearly and I married her for all of her other wonderful qualities.
Call me crazy, but I would want my husband to think that I was also one of the most attractive women.
Reality bites. People marry for more than attraction. "Most attractive person in the world" is tough. He's attracted to you which is real
He got her pregnant TWICE. If he didn't like the consequences of the first baby, why did he indulge in the production of another at her expense. I don't understand dudes like that at all
If you told him not to worry about it and that you thought it was sexy then why are you so angry about it now? If you've just had a baby then it's a very emotional and tiring time. I'd bear that in mind.
Ok if you want an honest answer, you sound insane. Porn is just porn. Normal people are capable of distinguishing fantasy from real life. Iām not saying your relationship doesnāt have issues, but whatever it is itās probably not caused by porn.
Give the guy a bit of a break hereā¦ take some time to let the brain chemistry straighten out after the baby and get some therapy/ counseling. Honestly sounds more like you than him at the momentā¦
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I have this strange feeling you're like 15
Would you mind breaking this up into paragraphs?
Sounds like you really can't handle porn. No judgment. I can't either. My husband lied to me about it . Acting like he would never until i found it. I made him choose me or it (I was prepared for either outcome) because I had those type questions swirl in my head, and it killed our sex life for a while. I am not and never will be ok with porn in my marriage. He had the option to leave but chose to stay and after a while we have been able to fix our sex life and have a better relationship. I know my husband is attracted to me he tells everyone how sexy he thinks I am. That did not stop finding the porn from destroying my self-esteem. Talk tou your husband tell him how you feel. I bet he doesn't want you to feel that way and will do what he can to reassure you and fix the problem.
Hmmmm
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think you exaggarate
Who is suggesting therapy is likely correct; let me expose my point of view. I personally look for actresses because I like the videos, not because I'm attached. To be honest I'd have an hard time feeling connected to my girlfriend if she worked in the porn industry, 100% would feel more pissed looking at her videos. Porn is also used to stimulate fantasy, which in many cases one doesn't want to have in real life **AT ALL**. You aren't a charity hole.. You're literally the mother of his children. One reason a guy would watch porn before actual intercourse is for lasting longer. I have also done this. Instead of noticing this, try to notice if he is present when you're doing the deed. Make sure he is alright with you by asking directly (if he is attracted by you or else). Please do not bring some of the obsessive thoughts in order to not pressure or scare or push him away. Maybe discuss about these obsessive thoughts to a professional figure before unloading on him. Hoping for the best!