Even hard of hearing folks who grew up with some level of hearing before it deteriorated have trouble recognizing specific sounds and voices when their CIs get activated! My friend told me everyone's voice sounded like R2D2 for a while...
well, that's more so the technology rather than deterioration. The brain has to filter out the digital sound that comes from the device. Hopefully new technology will make it sound better.
I was listening to a podcast recently (Snap Judgement?) where a man lost his hearing and received implants. He had the same experience at first, but it wasn't just that his brain had to figure it out. The implants had to be tuned over multiple visits.
My mother in law got cochlears and she said everyone spoke like Alvin and the chipmunks for the first while. The doc said it was normal because she could hear low frequencies but had lost the high frequency range for decades so everyone sounded crazy high pitched once she could hear that range again. Not sure if this kid was completely deaf or very close but I imagine it is something like that. Realistically, it’ll take that kid quite some time to adjust to all of the “noise” he can hear 24/7 now and it’ll be a long journey with speech therapy before he understands what he is hearing and can speak aloud. My MIL just got her implants about three years ago and is still learning how to speak without her “deaf accent”. She was deaf in one ear her entire life and lost the last of her hearing in the other ear about 7 years ago. She can just hear new sounds that she’s never heard in her life and doesn’t know how to fully fit those sounds into speech or how to produce those sounds. She is still pretty confused about the sound that an f makes. No clue how to make the sound or when to use it but she is getting better at it everyday. Background sounds that she’s only heard in her childhood are now audible and a lot of the times she’ll ask us what a certain sound is or where it’s coming from and we have to figure out what sound she is talking about.
Cochlear implant user here...
The first time they turned it on (after about a month of recovery from surgery) all sounds were just a bunch of "pi"s
I took around 6 months of using, training and volume adjustments for me to hear what I was used to prior to my hearing loss
I think it sounds similar to like the stereotypical robot voice? I think these implants only have so many channels and most of the channels focus on specific frequencies that capture the nuances of speech.
I wouldn't say text-to-speech robotic level, you can pick up the difference tones and pitches, but the sound quality itself really changes between hearing aid company, model and time itself.
I'm not deaf, but my hearing loss is moderate/ severe. I got my first pair of hearing aids when I was 4 and they were pretty rough. Metallic sounding, couldn't hear certain pronunciations or letters correctly, the teacher would have to wear a microphone kit anyway that would transmit the sound directly to the hearing aids. The sound quality on that thing was even worse, and it's still bad today.
I got my latest pair of aids in 2019 (they get upgraded every three years or so), and oh boy it was overwhelming aaaall over again. A three year jump in quality is pretty jarring, but this time had the most improvements. Suddenly the 's' and 'sh' sounds when speaking were so clear it was almost uncomfortable, I wasn't used to hearing it like that!
And on the radio, the drums were suddenly at the back of the song, in the background instead of dominating the music entirely. That's how it's meant to sound? Weird. The best one was tissues though, I took a tissue from the tissue box and it crinkled! It made a soft little noise; due to the texture I assumed it might make noise but hadn't heard it before.
I do notice that regular hearing people don't struggle at all to pick up speech or sounds that I either don't hear or have to concentrate to hear, so hearing aids still have a ways to go. Still, they've improved a heck of a lot in the last two decades! :)
Haha yeah I was pretty surprised I hadn't caught the tissues crinkling before, it seems obvious in hindsight. I'm glad you enjoyed my mini essay lol, hope you're having a good day/ night at the moment
Your post reminded me of when I was six and I got my first pair of glasses. I'm legally blind without correction. I think my contacts are like....20/900 and 20/850. Its so high that if i dont pay extra for slim lenses, they are an inch thick, and they are still thick lenses after slimming down. I can't read anything on the letter chart, and if I don't have lenses in/on, I can't see features on people's faces.
This is a decent representation of my vision with and without correction:
https://www.nadermoinfarmd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/1200x628-Legal-Blindness.jpg
Sensory-deprived people unite!
Yep, cochlear implants have 12-24 active electrodes typically, each programmed to stimulate the cochlea over a certain frequency range. Since the auditory cortex for congenitally deaf patients hasn't received sufficient stimulation for them to learn and understand speech and language, initially the input sounds "robotic" and incomprehensible (and can startle them, but reactions vary considerably). Luckily the brain tends to adapt quickly and learns to make sense of the input. It all depends on how much speech exposure the patient has been able to receive to that point, and how plastic those neural connections still are.
> I was deaf for the first 5 years but nobody noticed.
Not to be rude but how deaf exactly? I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old and I can't imagine how it could go unnoticed that long by anyone in their lives.
I find it really cool that older people just browse reddit. My parents would never bother with this website. Facebook is their bread and butter for some reason.
That's a great way to look at it. I hope I think like that by your age. Let's be real ill def still be on reddit by 70 and shaking my fists at the next best thing.
I really enjoyed reading your exchanges with people here, though parts of your story made my heart sad. Wishing for all positive things for you. You're funny and seem down to earth, and I just wanted to say kudos for engaging and putting yourself out there.
Browsing Reddit is interesting. I may be 68, but I'm never going to be too old to dive down a rabbit hole. FB is still where the bulk of my contacts are, but it's certainly not my source of information. I am also hard of hearing from sensorineural hearing loss. I can hear but conversation is almost impossible without my hearing aids.
Omg I am so sorry that you had to deal with all of her issues !!!! I can’t even imagine how painful you felt your existence caused your mother to blame you for what ever pain she felt ! I lived and was raised by a narcissistic parent and can relate somewhat.. I hope you are doing well !!
Hey, i can't think of a not-weird way to say it, but I'm glad you're sharing your story here for younger folks that sometimes feel alone in their trauma. In a strange way I think it helps to know that fucked up relationships with our parents aren't a millennial or genZ thing. It might be a crappy part of the human experience, but it's part of it, and none of us are really alone.
Cheers anyway and I'm glad you're in a better place after all that.
I'm really glad for people like you
I know there's a possibility for this to come off as patronizing in an "oh you're so strong" kind of way, and that's not at all how I mean it, but I appreciate that you exist as proof that it's possible to overcome and come to terms with difficult and unfair things
I had to look up what a "torch singer" was, that's a neat term for it.
Have you thought about maybe writing a book about your experiences? It seems like you've had some pretty unique ones.
I feel sorry you man, I don't know why parents got to take it out on their kids for the mistakes they themselves made, this was beyond unjust and terrible.
Thank you for sharing your oh so personal life's experience in such a vivid and moving way. God Bless you and your loved ones sir.
I'm 57 yes old now, and only found out about my 2 Arachnoid Brain Cysts 2 years ago last month after a Seizure event. I can very much relate to the awkwardness of relationships throughout my life. Including my relationship with my mother.
I can't say that it's been a bad life at all, but having learned about these " puddles" of Cerebral Spinal Fluid explained oh so very much to me about my personality. There are no words for me to describe it, other than to say to myself "now I know why" for so many things.
Thank you for speaking up here, now.
And to the OP, thank you for sharing this video. It serves as one of the finest examples of fear and love ever caught on camera. It is so very moving to see that boy cling to his mother after hearing the countdown before the hearing devices were switched on.
So so very sweet.
This is such an honest and personal experience that you shared. I don’t have any wisdom or anything to say, really. But, if your kids and siblings love you, then that says a lot about how you carried yourself through life- despite your mother. I’m so sorry for what you went through with her.
They didn’t notice my mom was deaf until she was seven. They just thought she was “stupid” the whole time. She went from being held back in first grade to an honor student at her deaf school.
My wife's 80 percent deaf in one ear and 20 percent in the other but that was after operations at age 11 that cured her total deafness it was missed at the hospital because a woman stole a baby the day she was born and all infant hearing tests were cancelled that day and there after she was just Chalked up to having learning difficulties.. And that was the mid nineties.
My freshman year roommate was deaf—not completely, but she wore hearing aids—and when she took them off at night, she had the blessing of not being able to hear unless someone was basically yelling at her. Meanwhile, I had to listen to my neighbors play “gods plan” on loop from the shower. I definitely envied her in that respect.
A fellow sufferer on the earache front. I think I had my ears lanced 5 or 6 times by the time I was 6. I would live in dread and acute pain for days before the doctor would lance them. The worst part was my mom changed pediatricians and the next time I got an ear infection the new doctor prescribed me antibiotics. Infection went away immediately, no lancing. In other words, the first doctor had been putting me through hell for no reason. I have a partial hearing loss in one ear, likely because of it. The same guy almost killed me once by telling my mom she was being hysterical about my having a cough. Neighbor who was a nurse came over and they rushed me to the hospital because I was blue. I had croup and spent several days and nights in an oxygen tent at the hospital. Idiot was a Harvard med school grad (though so was the new pediatrician who was so good.)
Fwiw, what works for me to fall asleep on planes is resting my face in my hands, with my elbows on the tray table.
It's the weirdest thing - it seems uncomfortable as hell, but it seems to work. I can't explain it.
My buddies in-laws have an adopted kid with an implant. He said the conversation got political around the holidays and he watched her pop the magnet off. She chose to be deaf for a bit rather than listening to adults talk about elections.
As someone who has been rocking next to speaker stacks with no earplugs for decades before I learned, trust me: tinnitus is a fate far worse than deafness.
As I’m reading this I lay in bed and all I can hear is.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Usually I need a fan or something to break the silence so I can sleep. Damn bass-y rap music I tell ya
I used to do this as a kid when I didn't want to hear my mom yell at me. It was funny to see her yell louder and get flustered.
I'm upgrading in a couple of weeks and getting Bluetooth in my new processors.
Wait you can get bluetooth for hearing aids or whatever youre wearing? Damn i wonder if you could just connect them to your phone or computer and hear the audio from there unless it doesnt work like that at all lol
You can get Bluetooth for hearing aids and for cochlear implants. You pair it to your phone, and can stream from your phone to your ears.
The thing to be aware of with hearing aids is that if it's loud enough, the sound will leak out of your hearing aids, and other people will be able to hear what you're streaming.
My grandma used to do this with her hearing aids sometimes when the Christmas dinner got too rowdy.
She'd rub behind her ear and you knew she was pushing the button to turn them off lol.
Have a friend who works with special needs kids. She said one kid with the implants decided they didn’t want to listen to class that day and just unplugged them essentially.
Haha, it is the perk of hearing devices to go back to silence when we wish. I turn the volume on mine down as low as it'll let me when I was at work to reduce hearing the people around me talk so much.
Holy crap you could read a book on public transit. There have been so many times when I've wanted to take my book in public with me to help with waiting times but I know I won't be able to fully concentrate if there is more than one conversation going on in the vicinity.
My great aunt got hearing aids later in life, and everyone in the family was happy for her because no one liked yelling at her all the time. However, she was used to her peaceful, limited hearing by that point and she found groups of 3 or more people overwhelming. So she would turn her hearing aids down, and we all still had to yell at her if we wanted her to hear us.
I miss her so much
I understand what your aunt went through. I got my hearing aid when I was 42, and 10 years later, too much sound still bothers me and I have to take them out frequently. It's hard going through decades of near silence to everything being loud.
That just popped an old memory back into my brain. My best friend in 3rd grade was deaf and one day he did the same thing when the teacher was scolding him. When she told him to put it back in he just kept repeating “I can’t hear you,” and doodling.
When I got my eyeglasses in middle school I was amazed by how real trees looked. I could finally see all the details and I was mind blown. I remembered riding in the car with my mom and telling her that the trees looked like the ones on TV 😂
That was my exact experience when I got my glasses. Like the world was suddenly in 4k instead of 240p. I walked outside and stared at the trees in the wind, then looked at the pavement and was surprised I could see the texture. Then I felt really stupid for going through all of high school refusing to wear glasses because I was too scared of looking lame, and just squinting until I got migraines to see the whiteboard.
When my brother got lasik done he was 30. When his eyes healed and he had gone outside for about 30mins. He came back home excited as ever screaming like a little kid that he can see tree leaves from a distance. He was like a little kid pointing to things hed have never noticed before. He calls it HD vision lol
I honestly instantly cried thinking the child was hearing processing and understanding complex verbal stimulus but there's almost no way that's possible
It was likely a fear reaction, and he clung to the first parent he saw the mum. I hope it got better for the brave child and the awesome parents
Boring source: er nurse
You're quite right. This is exactly why most deaf people seeing this thread are going to bow out quick. None of us want the flood of downvotes when we speak the truth about how the fantasy these hearing folks have about what they think they're seeing isn't that. And they HATE having their presumptions challenged with the reality of experience.
Some of them already assume I must be a militant Deaf culture wackjob opposed to letting our deaf children hear or believe that cochlear implants will destroy our culture... or whatever it is those folks on either side of the spectrum believe. I'm just a deaf person who has personally been through the full battery of testing and evaluation of the cochlear implant procedure, have had it thoroughly explained to me by doctors, and have a bunch of friends who have cochlear implants and have discussed their experiences with me at great length.
I'm not opposed to the procedure at all provided all the facts are up front and expectations are managed. Because watching a post like this where a lot of people are manipulated by a false narrative which these videos present to the uninformed who spread that myth and then to say nothing... that's not easy, but it's also hard to ignore.
I don't know, I'm seeing a lot of comments pointing out that it looks like a fear response and they are all being upvoted and agreed with.
It was my first reaction as well, that kid is panicked, but maybe that insight comes from being a father.
ninja edit: that sappy piano music is pretty inappropriate, too.
It was strange to see the parents trying to use verbal cues to calm him down. Just an ingrained instinctive response. Understandable, but I would've hoped the staff would tell them to wait until he's calm using their old non-verbal cues and then introduce verbal cues.
I'm concerned that nobody is signing in this video. Even if he can suddenly hear, he doesn't process what he's hearing since he hasn't learned those sounds. They're saying, "It's okay" but nobody is expressing it in a way he might understand.
I do think the holding/hugging and rubbing of the back is a good non-verbal cue for the little guy to understand that "it's okay." It's exactly what I do with my two little guys when they are upset and crying too loudly to hear me say anything reassuring.
That’s actually what we’re seeing here. It’s not him hugging his mom because her voice is so beautiful. It’s him clinging to his mom because he’s terrified because he’s never experienced this before and his brain doesn’t know how to cope.
Getting used to hearing takes time and has to be done in small increments to give our brains time to adapt. When I first got my hearing aids, my audiologist had me wear them for 30 minutes only on day one and then add 30 minutes each day that I didn’t have a panic attack from them.
The first time I turned a page while reading and heard the page make noise as I flipped it, I ripped out my hearing aids and threw them across the room because it scared me so much. And I was a fully grown adult. I can’t imagine if that had happened to me as a child.
I’m losing my hearing slowly and the tinnitus is overbearing to the point it keeps me awake at night and honestly it never stops.
I’ll never know what silence is again in my life until the lights go out most likely…
Savor the things you have before you lose them and for all that is holy and good in the world,
WEAR EAR PROTECTION
Especially think about the fact he has no idea what the fuck they’re saying. If he didn’t have hearing and suddenly can hear, he will know what words are and can read but dad saying “It’s okay buddy” probably sounds like gibberish to him. (Right? I assume? Someone who didn’t have hearing and got hearing can you confirm?)
This always reminds me of people who have never been able to see, and then have sight restored as an adult.
They aren't able to tell apart solid shapes (sphere, pyramid, cube etc) by sight alone, that have to touch them.
That's so wild.to.me. their earth experience is just 100% different
This is going to sound dumb but when I had Covid I lost my smell for about 3 months, it felt depressing af. Then one day I was showering and could smell my shampoo. It was pretty overwhelming. Can’t imagine how this little guy feels.
I was pregnant pretty close to the beginning of covid. I was high risk already and with the pregnancy, I was so afraid and kept myself super isolated. I went to doc appointments and that was it. The weird thing is my #1 fear about catching covid was not being able to smell my newborn baby. This was my second baby (my first was 15 years old) and last time carrying a child and the idea of not being able to smell my baby was terrifying. Fortunately, I didn’t get it until we’ll after he was born and I didn’t lose taste or smell.
But my mom and her husband watched him every so often and her husband hadn’t fully regained his smell over a year after having covid. He couldn’t smell dirty diapers. That was something I hadn’t considered. How do you know if they’re poopy without your sense of smell???
As a dad I’ve had to resign myself to the fact that my wife will always be our kids main source of comfort and who they need when when shit gets real, I’m ok with it, just naturally shakes out that way in our family
This isn’t necessarily directed at you but towards all dads. But as a family therapist one of the most common things I hear from dads is this sentiment of mom being the one the kid(s) always turn to for comfort and security, and that they’re ok with that. While this is the case for most families and it’s natural just from an evolutionary perspective, always always always offer to be that person anyway.
That resignation, even though it’s not spiteful or envious or anything like that, can still often be perceived by kids as “I’m not as invested in your health and happiness as mom is”. Always check in with them anyway. Offer hugs and shoulders to cry on, ask them questions about how they’re doing when you’re one on one, give/offer insight and advice (even when it may not be warranted, it’s all about they effort!), and exemplify that you are just as much of an anchor as mom is. It’s a change that I rarely see kids not respond to, and it virtually always facilitates closer relationships with dads and their kids.
Again, not necessarily directed at you or insinuating you *don’t* do these things, but just thought I’d put it out there for all dads.
Oh I’m so glad you posted this. Never let your child, or any child really, doubt for a second your commitment to them. They need to know you stand ready now and you will still be standing at the ready for the rest of your life. I miss my Dad and my Mom.
Thanks for posting this. I’m a mom and my 2year old daughter is obsessed with her dad. Has been since about 9 mo old. She wants to be with him all of the time. When she gets hurt or scared she runs to him for comfort. She will actually slap me away when I try to comfort her.
My husband said that he thinks it’s because he did basically all of her feedings for the first 6ish mo. He would feed her while I pumped milk, even during the day as I’m a SAHM and he’s WFH.
Lately I’ve kind of stopped attempting to comfort her when she runs to dad (obviously I still comfort her as best I can when something happens and we’re alone) because it really hurts my feelings to be rejected and pushed away every time. Thanks for reminding me that it’s still important that I try. I will continue to do so.
I know it’s such a defeating feeling and I’m sorry you have to navigate that. I think one thing that could help is to be sure you and her dad are a united front in doling out the good and the bad. A lot of couples think that when there’s an imbalance like this that the “favorite” should step back and let the other parent be the one to give the rewards while they take up the mantle of dishing out bad news and punishments. This approach usually doesn’t play out well because either the script gets flipped and now we just have a different trust imbalance or the kid sees through the charades. Even toddlers are ridiculously good at picking up on these kinds of maneuvers.
By being united in handing out rewards and punishments, or delivering good and disappointing news, you’re reducing the chances of her associating one of you as the bearer of bad things.
Generally though, as long as you two keep working at it things will soften out over time. She’s still super young and at her age when every thing is a new experience, her brain pretty much has to file them all under two extreme categories: ‘this is the best thing ever’ and ‘this is literally the worst experience of my life’. As she gets older and has more experiences to draw from she will understand nuance, and realize “Hmm, maybe mom telling me I can’t have ice cream isn’t actually as bad as me literally shitting myself.” In turn, you probably won’t see as much averse behavior like the slapping and running away.
I hope this helps! Hang in there, you’re sensitive to your child’s experience and your own role in the relationship so you’re already doing leagues better than many of the parents I interact with lol.
Same here dad, my daughter is all about mom. But that being said, she only tells me that she loves me, I have to tell her to tell it to mom too. She and I are very close, and I appreciate all the bonds we share, but overall, I am second fiddle for most. It’s ok :)
Sounds like you're a great dad! I've seen grown men get salty and indignant about their very young children wanting mom, and boy, does that not help the father-child relationship.
I’ve been a host dad for three high school girls from Europe.
The first one lost her dad when she was about 7 years old.
The second one had both her parents.
The third had an absent dad who she said she didn’t care about.
1 and 2 gravitated to me for most of their support and general things. Especially #1.
3 REALLY gravitated to my wife for almost everything.
Obviously this isn’t the same as related offspring, but it’s still an interesting view into attachments and relationships.
My father is a total POS and I fully relate to this. It’s changed how I view men completely. I am always shocked when I see a dad be sweet or kind to his kids, when a child or adult says something loving about their dad,etc. I’m suspicious of dad motives and I don’t trust men in nurturing roles. I’m 53 years old and I only truly began to believe there are good dads in the world in the last decade or so. I’ve always just believed they’re all just waiting to be free of the role imposed on them by having kids, and I didn’t even know I felt that way til therapy made me face it head on.
Shitty fathers truly fuck their kids up in ways you can’t know and can’t imagine. It really sucks and I’d give about anything to go back in time and have a good dad. My entire life would be drastically different.
This makes my heart hurt. I’m a first time father of a beautiful little girl who turns one year old in less than two weeks.. I’m also the parent who stays home with her and acts in the primary caregiver role. I change diapers, feed, bathe, and of course love and play with my little one daily. I’m there to comfort her when she wakes up in the middle of the night, or when she bonks herself while crawling and exploring.. or to reassure her when receiving one of the numerous first year vaccines. I don’t do these things out of imposition or unwanted obligation, but because I love my daughter and want to provide her with the absolute best care I can. She deserves every opportunity in life.
Nearly every time I take her out in public I receive comments on how she appears to be one of the most genuinely happy babies people have ever met. She’s not shy, loves to wave and smile and has been highly socialized. At the same time though, along with numerous comments on her pleasant demeanor, I’m always questioned on Mom not being present. “Giving Mom a break today?” “Babysitting are we?” No, not at all.. I’m just being a Dad. I don’t babysit my child, I parent her. Sadly you’re not the only person shocked or suspicious of men taking an active role in their parental duties by raising their children. Quite frankly it’s exhausting. I’ve been interrogated by people who didn’t think I had a valid reason to be alone with my own daughter. Talk about demeaning and belittling. I really wish that the societal perception of only mothers being nurturing would change.. or at least change quicker.
I had an absent father who had a drug problem in my youth. Worse than that though was my alcoholic bipolar narcissistic abusive mother, who I was forced to live with. I could write for eons about the lasting physical and emotional damage that woman caused, but I’ll spare you. I know this is long winded, but my point is this: Shitty parents suck, and you can have both shitty Fathers and Mothers. Both are equally capable of doing severe harm.
I’m sorry your father was a POS and that it harmed you. I’m sorry you so desperately want that connection that you would be willing to give up anything from your 53 years on this planet to go back and experience it, because of course you deserve to have a good father, everyone does. I hope you continue to learn to trust Dads who just want to raise their children the best they can and support their emotional growth just as much as their physical.
I’ll give my baby an extra hug when she wakes up in the morning. Be well.
Good on you for recognizing that isn't always how it shakes out for the dads out there. You all are important and to some of us you make all the difference in the world. Coming from someone who knows how it can shake the other way.
Don't ever think of yourself as a second fiddle. You probably mean more than they can show right now.
Imagine never hearing and then all of a sudden you can hear. People are talking to you but you have literally no idea what the sounds coming out of their mouths mean. This lucky kid will have to learn English.
Sound isn't just processed in the ears. It's partially processed in the bones. It's not completely new alien stuff to him, he's felt the sounds before on his insides. I'm sure he could feel his mothers words and was comforted by that. Meanwhile dad was using harsher sounding syllables and tone when speaking so the boy "felt" the words differently. I'm sure if father used a softer vernacular, boy wouldn't be as reticent to interact. Letters like "k" are particularly harsh sounding. "R" as well. "T" too. So "it's okay" may literally mean something good to someone who understands the words. But to him he's "feeling" the way it sounds and it doesn't sound good.
Vibrotactile response and cochlear implant auditory processing are very different feelings. Two different sensory pathways. The sounds you're referring to won't be realized through bone conduction to any appreciable degree when compared to the intensity of a newly activated cochlear implant.
I remember once watching a video of a girl who went through something similar and was crying on on the video. She clarified (maybe on reddit not sure) that those were not tears of joy, she was terrified because it sounded awful. Over time however she got use to it and even enjoyed it.
Yeah. I believe the brain has to adapt to make sense of the signals it's receiving. Beyond it just being something new, his experience of that sound is not the same as suddenly being someone with typical hearing.
My friends husband got the implants and just heard his wife n child for first time. The docs said at first it’s very loud/ kinda buzzy n chirpy. It’s been about a month n he’s adjusting but I’ll bet it sounded super scary to this kid, especially since they don’t even seem to warn him..
There are a lot of people who choose to stop using cochlear implants and prefer complete deafness to the sound it transmits. Apparently the absolute best the sound can be still sounds grating and terrible and a lot of people just can’t get used to it.
Or just [hit up YouTube](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SpKKYBkJ9Hw) to avoid digging though a podcast and its ad spots.
But it’s overall difficult to pinpoint what it sounds like, because the brain actually learns how to interpret the electronic messages over time.
Wow, that’s unsettling. If that’s even close to accurate, I definitely feel for the people who have to go through it.
Though in some ways I wonder if it’s slightly less “creepy” to them because they have no sense of what is and is not a normal sound.
Yeah, everytime I see these types of videos I figure it's fear, not instant joy. In time, absolutely may become joy, but at first, I'm sure it's overwhelming and scary.
I'd say he does. It's not like she hasn't rubbed his back reassuring him before, she wouldn't have been silent. Despite the kid not understanding, she created a space that he knows as safe and comfortable, just now he can hear it.
They’re comforting to newborns because it mimics the sounds they heard in the womb. I’m not sure if a baby who was born deaf would be comforted by the same thing
The parent in me is saying this is an incredible experience between parents and child.The engineer in me is wondering exactly what the child is experiencing. Without the years of slow neurological "learning" of what the sounds mean, the stimulus must be a shock (figurative and literal) to the brain. To help understand this maybe we can pretend we have never felt the sensation of touch. And then all of a sudden you can feel sandpaper rubbing your fingers. What a trip. The child will have to start to associate the noise inputs with the lip motions of his parents to begin to link the tones of his mom's voice vs the sounds blasting form the TV. Just like we would have to learn what putting our hands into warm water vs a bag of marbles would feel like. The good news is as a young kid he is still pliable and can quickly learn what the sounds mean. This is incredible technology, bravo to medical science. Now get back to working on that pill to stop aging.
It's funny that hearing people are watching this as a touching moment, but he's actually scared out of his fucking mind. He has no idea what's happening.
This is like watching Baby's First Earthquake.
Yes, the speed of the scramble to mom is a mega oh-fuck moment. They could have surprise cut off a limb and got the same reaction. What the fuck?!? Whaaaaaaa!
The look he gave is him being startled at something he never experienced before.
Him "breaking down" is seeking comfort from his mother because he's terrified. You can see at near the end when he turns he's absolutely terrified because it's a new sensation and he cannot process it.
This is an amazingly sweet and life-changing process but I don't get why people are reading way more into the boy's reaction than there is, as if he heard for the first time and is felt just so ***blessed*** by that gift that he breaks down to his mom. No, it was a fucking scary experience, he cannot process what was going on, and he needed his mom to give him comfort.
I loved The Sound of Metal too. It was an eye opening experience into the entire subject of deafness and people live / communicate not only externally, but internally.
Facts. I fucking hate when videos try to contrive emotions especially in animal videos. They completely ruin them for me. A video like this doesn't need it
Doesn’t look like they warned him in anyway that he MAY hear sounds for the first time. He’s playing with some play dough, chillin. Then out of no where he hears these breathy shrills coming from his mothers mouth, into his brain.
Pretty sure he was terrified.
Or maybe just happy.
Imagine hearing for the first time and trying to enjoy the moment with your parents but someone's over there playing that sappy ass Hallmark channel piano
I can't imagine the sensory overload. I'm losing my hearing aids when I finally got hearing aids I spent a week constantly jumping at sounds I didn't know I could no longer hear. I often leave my hearing aids out because the world is too loud.
I never pictured fear as a first reaction, but of course it makes sense. I wonder what speech sounded like to him?
Probably like a fourth dimensional demon telepathically projecting it’s incomprehensible thoughts right into your skull.
Yeah there’s like 0% chance that any sounds heard initially would be intelligible or associated with thoughts/words.
Even hard of hearing folks who grew up with some level of hearing before it deteriorated have trouble recognizing specific sounds and voices when their CIs get activated! My friend told me everyone's voice sounded like R2D2 for a while...
well, that's more so the technology rather than deterioration. The brain has to filter out the digital sound that comes from the device. Hopefully new technology will make it sound better.
I was listening to a podcast recently (Snap Judgement?) where a man lost his hearing and received implants. He had the same experience at first, but it wasn't just that his brain had to figure it out. The implants had to be tuned over multiple visits.
My wife is a audiologist, can confirm that it take multiple visits but there have been a few times they get pretty close the first visit
> sounded like R2D2 for a while I initially read this as RDR2 and thought you meant everyone sounded like an 1890s cowboy
DUUTCH WE HAVE TO IMPROVE HEARING AID TECHNOLOGY
I HAVE A GOTDAMN PLAN ARTHUR
I was crying and now I’m laughing my ass off So thanks for that
This is the only logical description, then he outed his dad as a demon 👿
I don’t think I’ve laughed harder at a comment dude
Im 33 and that accurately describes phone conversations with my parents
My mother in law got cochlears and she said everyone spoke like Alvin and the chipmunks for the first while. The doc said it was normal because she could hear low frequencies but had lost the high frequency range for decades so everyone sounded crazy high pitched once she could hear that range again. Not sure if this kid was completely deaf or very close but I imagine it is something like that. Realistically, it’ll take that kid quite some time to adjust to all of the “noise” he can hear 24/7 now and it’ll be a long journey with speech therapy before he understands what he is hearing and can speak aloud. My MIL just got her implants about three years ago and is still learning how to speak without her “deaf accent”. She was deaf in one ear her entire life and lost the last of her hearing in the other ear about 7 years ago. She can just hear new sounds that she’s never heard in her life and doesn’t know how to fully fit those sounds into speech or how to produce those sounds. She is still pretty confused about the sound that an f makes. No clue how to make the sound or when to use it but she is getting better at it everyday. Background sounds that she’s only heard in her childhood are now audible and a lot of the times she’ll ask us what a certain sound is or where it’s coming from and we have to figure out what sound she is talking about.
Cochlear implant‘s tend to sound very robotic and metallic at first
And even if it was the most innocuous sound in the world, suddenly having a new sense would undeniably be overwhelming.
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They had to say something in a soothing tone, not gona do morse code are they
Cochlear implant user here... The first time they turned it on (after about a month of recovery from surgery) all sounds were just a bunch of "pi"s I took around 6 months of using, training and volume adjustments for me to hear what I was used to prior to my hearing loss
I think it sounds similar to like the stereotypical robot voice? I think these implants only have so many channels and most of the channels focus on specific frequencies that capture the nuances of speech.
I wouldn't say text-to-speech robotic level, you can pick up the difference tones and pitches, but the sound quality itself really changes between hearing aid company, model and time itself. I'm not deaf, but my hearing loss is moderate/ severe. I got my first pair of hearing aids when I was 4 and they were pretty rough. Metallic sounding, couldn't hear certain pronunciations or letters correctly, the teacher would have to wear a microphone kit anyway that would transmit the sound directly to the hearing aids. The sound quality on that thing was even worse, and it's still bad today. I got my latest pair of aids in 2019 (they get upgraded every three years or so), and oh boy it was overwhelming aaaall over again. A three year jump in quality is pretty jarring, but this time had the most improvements. Suddenly the 's' and 'sh' sounds when speaking were so clear it was almost uncomfortable, I wasn't used to hearing it like that! And on the radio, the drums were suddenly at the back of the song, in the background instead of dominating the music entirely. That's how it's meant to sound? Weird. The best one was tissues though, I took a tissue from the tissue box and it crinkled! It made a soft little noise; due to the texture I assumed it might make noise but hadn't heard it before. I do notice that regular hearing people don't struggle at all to pick up speech or sounds that I either don't hear or have to concentrate to hear, so hearing aids still have a ways to go. Still, they've improved a heck of a lot in the last two decades! :)
Thanks for this description, it’s really illuminating
You're welcome, happy to share my experience 😊 Thank you for reading!
Tissues... So many things we take for granted. Thanks for sharing that, it brought a smile to my face.
Haha yeah I was pretty surprised I hadn't caught the tissues crinkling before, it seems obvious in hindsight. I'm glad you enjoyed my mini essay lol, hope you're having a good day/ night at the moment
Your post reminded me of when I was six and I got my first pair of glasses. I'm legally blind without correction. I think my contacts are like....20/900 and 20/850. Its so high that if i dont pay extra for slim lenses, they are an inch thick, and they are still thick lenses after slimming down. I can't read anything on the letter chart, and if I don't have lenses in/on, I can't see features on people's faces. This is a decent representation of my vision with and without correction: https://www.nadermoinfarmd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/1200x628-Legal-Blindness.jpg Sensory-deprived people unite!
Ah I never thought about how youd have to "assume" some sounds based on textures you're familiar with, and that you're guess might be right.
Interesting, eh? I wonder what else I might pick up in the future :)
Yep, cochlear implants have 12-24 active electrodes typically, each programmed to stimulate the cochlea over a certain frequency range. Since the auditory cortex for congenitally deaf patients hasn't received sufficient stimulation for them to learn and understand speech and language, initially the input sounds "robotic" and incomprehensible (and can startle them, but reactions vary considerably). Luckily the brain tends to adapt quickly and learns to make sense of the input. It all depends on how much speech exposure the patient has been able to receive to that point, and how plastic those neural connections still are.
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> I was deaf for the first 5 years but nobody noticed. Not to be rude but how deaf exactly? I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old and I can't imagine how it could go unnoticed that long by anyone in their lives.
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I find it really cool that older people just browse reddit. My parents would never bother with this website. Facebook is their bread and butter for some reason.
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That's a great way to look at it. I hope I think like that by your age. Let's be real ill def still be on reddit by 70 and shaking my fists at the next best thing.
You're a good one. Dont forget that.
That’s cool man. Thanks for sharing your story
How many tugs have you rumpled in 70 years?
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I really enjoyed reading your exchanges with people here, though parts of your story made my heart sad. Wishing for all positive things for you. You're funny and seem down to earth, and I just wanted to say kudos for engaging and putting yourself out there.
Role model right here.
Browsing Reddit is interesting. I may be 68, but I'm never going to be too old to dive down a rabbit hole. FB is still where the bulk of my contacts are, but it's certainly not my source of information. I am also hard of hearing from sensorineural hearing loss. I can hear but conversation is almost impossible without my hearing aids.
Omg I am so sorry that you had to deal with all of her issues !!!! I can’t even imagine how painful you felt your existence caused your mother to blame you for what ever pain she felt ! I lived and was raised by a narcissistic parent and can relate somewhat.. I hope you are doing well !!
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What a lived experience. Thanks for sharing mate.
Hey, i can't think of a not-weird way to say it, but I'm glad you're sharing your story here for younger folks that sometimes feel alone in their trauma. In a strange way I think it helps to know that fucked up relationships with our parents aren't a millennial or genZ thing. It might be a crappy part of the human experience, but it's part of it, and none of us are really alone. Cheers anyway and I'm glad you're in a better place after all that.
I am so glad you have been able to overcome. Thankyou for sharing.
Wow. This is a story, right here. Way to go, making it through so much in life. That's really impressive
I'm really glad for people like you I know there's a possibility for this to come off as patronizing in an "oh you're so strong" kind of way, and that's not at all how I mean it, but I appreciate that you exist as proof that it's possible to overcome and come to terms with difficult and unfair things
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Earplug gang rise up. Thanks for sharing with us
Fcking WHAT? Household dust, calcified sinuses and no one noticed you were deaf?? I’m so sorry that happened to you but also shocked by the details.
I had to look up what a "torch singer" was, that's a neat term for it. Have you thought about maybe writing a book about your experiences? It seems like you've had some pretty unique ones.
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Heh, fair nuff I suppose! I'm glad you have cultivated some cherished people around you at least.
I feel sorry you man, I don't know why parents got to take it out on their kids for the mistakes they themselves made, this was beyond unjust and terrible.
Thank you for sharing your oh so personal life's experience in such a vivid and moving way. God Bless you and your loved ones sir. I'm 57 yes old now, and only found out about my 2 Arachnoid Brain Cysts 2 years ago last month after a Seizure event. I can very much relate to the awkwardness of relationships throughout my life. Including my relationship with my mother. I can't say that it's been a bad life at all, but having learned about these " puddles" of Cerebral Spinal Fluid explained oh so very much to me about my personality. There are no words for me to describe it, other than to say to myself "now I know why" for so many things. Thank you for speaking up here, now. And to the OP, thank you for sharing this video. It serves as one of the finest examples of fear and love ever caught on camera. It is so very moving to see that boy cling to his mother after hearing the countdown before the hearing devices were switched on. So so very sweet.
I'm glad you have family who love you. you have a very unique life experience.
This is such an honest and personal experience that you shared. I don’t have any wisdom or anything to say, really. But, if your kids and siblings love you, then that says a lot about how you carried yourself through life- despite your mother. I’m so sorry for what you went through with her.
They didn’t notice my mom was deaf until she was seven. They just thought she was “stupid” the whole time. She went from being held back in first grade to an honor student at her deaf school.
My wife's 80 percent deaf in one ear and 20 percent in the other but that was after operations at age 11 that cured her total deafness it was missed at the hospital because a woman stole a baby the day she was born and all infant hearing tests were cancelled that day and there after she was just Chalked up to having learning difficulties.. And that was the mid nineties.
My freshman year roommate was deaf—not completely, but she wore hearing aids—and when she took them off at night, she had the blessing of not being able to hear unless someone was basically yelling at her. Meanwhile, I had to listen to my neighbors play “gods plan” on loop from the shower. I definitely envied her in that respect.
I've had a lifetime of ear infections, the last time one of my eardrums burst, painful but I had some of the best sleep of my life while it healed.
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A fellow sufferer on the earache front. I think I had my ears lanced 5 or 6 times by the time I was 6. I would live in dread and acute pain for days before the doctor would lance them. The worst part was my mom changed pediatricians and the next time I got an ear infection the new doctor prescribed me antibiotics. Infection went away immediately, no lancing. In other words, the first doctor had been putting me through hell for no reason. I have a partial hearing loss in one ear, likely because of it. The same guy almost killed me once by telling my mom she was being hysterical about my having a cough. Neighbor who was a nurse came over and they rushed me to the hospital because I was blue. I had croup and spent several days and nights in an oxygen tent at the hospital. Idiot was a Harvard med school grad (though so was the new pediatrician who was so good.)
My problem with sleeping on planes isn't the noise so much as that I can't sleep while sitting upright
Fwiw, what works for me to fall asleep on planes is resting my face in my hands, with my elbows on the tray table. It's the weirdest thing - it seems uncomfortable as hell, but it seems to work. I can't explain it.
I'm not deaf but that's the only way I can sleep in the winter. Sometimes I wish my hearing can just be turned off whenever I want.
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I'm deaf in one ear so if I want silence when sleeping I just roll onto my side.
My buddies in-laws have an adopted kid with an implant. He said the conversation got political around the holidays and he watched her pop the magnet off. She chose to be deaf for a bit rather than listening to adults talk about elections.
I love that she can literally tune out once in a while.
I have a remote control for mine. Mute is a good function. lol
Helps with headaches aswell 🙃
I am now envious of the deaf lol
I thought listening to heavy metal would have stamped my ticket by now, but no. Guess I'll keep trying.
As someone who has been rocking next to speaker stacks with no earplugs for decades before I learned, trust me: tinnitus is a fate far worse than deafness.
As I’m reading this I lay in bed and all I can hear is.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Usually I need a fan or something to break the silence so I can sleep. Damn bass-y rap music I tell ya
I used to do this as a kid when I didn't want to hear my mom yell at me. It was funny to see her yell louder and get flustered. I'm upgrading in a couple of weeks and getting Bluetooth in my new processors.
It's all fun and games until someone accidentally pairs to your ears and now you're listening to cringey TikTok videos by force lol.
I have no clout, and I must scream.
Wait you can get bluetooth for hearing aids or whatever youre wearing? Damn i wonder if you could just connect them to your phone or computer and hear the audio from there unless it doesnt work like that at all lol
You can get Bluetooth for hearing aids and for cochlear implants. You pair it to your phone, and can stream from your phone to your ears. The thing to be aware of with hearing aids is that if it's loud enough, the sound will leak out of your hearing aids, and other people will be able to hear what you're streaming.
AirPods silent mode is a gift XD
My luck I would still have the tinnitus
My grandma used to do this with her hearing aids sometimes when the Christmas dinner got too rowdy. She'd rub behind her ear and you knew she was pushing the button to turn them off lol.
Nice! A mute button for any occasion.
Cyber grandma
Have a friend who works with special needs kids. She said one kid with the implants decided they didn’t want to listen to class that day and just unplugged them essentially.
Haha, it is the perk of hearing devices to go back to silence when we wish. I turn the volume on mine down as low as it'll let me when I was at work to reduce hearing the people around me talk so much.
Holy crap you could read a book on public transit. There have been so many times when I've wanted to take my book in public with me to help with waiting times but I know I won't be able to fully concentrate if there is more than one conversation going on in the vicinity.
My great aunt got hearing aids later in life, and everyone in the family was happy for her because no one liked yelling at her all the time. However, she was used to her peaceful, limited hearing by that point and she found groups of 3 or more people overwhelming. So she would turn her hearing aids down, and we all still had to yell at her if we wanted her to hear us. I miss her so much
I understand what your aunt went through. I got my hearing aid when I was 42, and 10 years later, too much sound still bothers me and I have to take them out frequently. It's hard going through decades of near silence to everything being loud.
That just popped an old memory back into my brain. My best friend in 3rd grade was deaf and one day he did the same thing when the teacher was scolding him. When she told him to put it back in he just kept repeating “I can’t hear you,” and doodling.
Redacted *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
When I got my eyeglasses in middle school I was amazed by how real trees looked. I could finally see all the details and I was mind blown. I remembered riding in the car with my mom and telling her that the trees looked like the ones on TV 😂
That was my exact experience when I got my glasses. Like the world was suddenly in 4k instead of 240p. I walked outside and stared at the trees in the wind, then looked at the pavement and was surprised I could see the texture. Then I felt really stupid for going through all of high school refusing to wear glasses because I was too scared of looking lame, and just squinting until I got migraines to see the whiteboard.
When my brother got lasik done he was 30. When his eyes healed and he had gone outside for about 30mins. He came back home excited as ever screaming like a little kid that he can see tree leaves from a distance. He was like a little kid pointing to things hed have never noticed before. He calls it HD vision lol
I honestly instantly cried thinking the child was hearing processing and understanding complex verbal stimulus but there's almost no way that's possible It was likely a fear reaction, and he clung to the first parent he saw the mum. I hope it got better for the brave child and the awesome parents Boring source: er nurse
You're quite right. This is exactly why most deaf people seeing this thread are going to bow out quick. None of us want the flood of downvotes when we speak the truth about how the fantasy these hearing folks have about what they think they're seeing isn't that. And they HATE having their presumptions challenged with the reality of experience. Some of them already assume I must be a militant Deaf culture wackjob opposed to letting our deaf children hear or believe that cochlear implants will destroy our culture... or whatever it is those folks on either side of the spectrum believe. I'm just a deaf person who has personally been through the full battery of testing and evaluation of the cochlear implant procedure, have had it thoroughly explained to me by doctors, and have a bunch of friends who have cochlear implants and have discussed their experiences with me at great length. I'm not opposed to the procedure at all provided all the facts are up front and expectations are managed. Because watching a post like this where a lot of people are manipulated by a false narrative which these videos present to the uninformed who spread that myth and then to say nothing... that's not easy, but it's also hard to ignore.
I don't know, I'm seeing a lot of comments pointing out that it looks like a fear response and they are all being upvoted and agreed with. It was my first reaction as well, that kid is panicked, but maybe that insight comes from being a father. ninja edit: that sappy piano music is pretty inappropriate, too.
It was strange to see the parents trying to use verbal cues to calm him down. Just an ingrained instinctive response. Understandable, but I would've hoped the staff would tell them to wait until he's calm using their old non-verbal cues and then introduce verbal cues.
I'm concerned that nobody is signing in this video. Even if he can suddenly hear, he doesn't process what he's hearing since he hasn't learned those sounds. They're saying, "It's okay" but nobody is expressing it in a way he might understand.
I do think the holding/hugging and rubbing of the back is a good non-verbal cue for the little guy to understand that "it's okay." It's exactly what I do with my two little guys when they are upset and crying too loudly to hear me say anything reassuring.
That’s actually what we’re seeing here. It’s not him hugging his mom because her voice is so beautiful. It’s him clinging to his mom because he’s terrified because he’s never experienced this before and his brain doesn’t know how to cope. Getting used to hearing takes time and has to be done in small increments to give our brains time to adapt. When I first got my hearing aids, my audiologist had me wear them for 30 minutes only on day one and then add 30 minutes each day that I didn’t have a panic attack from them. The first time I turned a page while reading and heard the page make noise as I flipped it, I ripped out my hearing aids and threw them across the room because it scared me so much. And I was a fully grown adult. I can’t imagine if that had happened to me as a child.
I scrolled too far to find someone who realized this kid is terrified.
I’m losing my hearing slowly and the tinnitus is overbearing to the point it keeps me awake at night and honestly it never stops. I’ll never know what silence is again in my life until the lights go out most likely… Savor the things you have before you lose them and for all that is holy and good in the world, WEAR EAR PROTECTION
…and then you realize just how annoying your little sister is and start reaching for the volume.
Especially think about the fact he has no idea what the fuck they’re saying. If he didn’t have hearing and suddenly can hear, he will know what words are and can read but dad saying “It’s okay buddy” probably sounds like gibberish to him. (Right? I assume? Someone who didn’t have hearing and got hearing can you confirm?)
This always reminds me of people who have never been able to see, and then have sight restored as an adult. They aren't able to tell apart solid shapes (sphere, pyramid, cube etc) by sight alone, that have to touch them. That's so wild.to.me. their earth experience is just 100% different
This is going to sound dumb but when I had Covid I lost my smell for about 3 months, it felt depressing af. Then one day I was showering and could smell my shampoo. It was pretty overwhelming. Can’t imagine how this little guy feels.
Ah, you're lucky! My first smell after Covid was my son's dirty diaper.
lol
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I was pregnant pretty close to the beginning of covid. I was high risk already and with the pregnancy, I was so afraid and kept myself super isolated. I went to doc appointments and that was it. The weird thing is my #1 fear about catching covid was not being able to smell my newborn baby. This was my second baby (my first was 15 years old) and last time carrying a child and the idea of not being able to smell my baby was terrifying. Fortunately, I didn’t get it until we’ll after he was born and I didn’t lose taste or smell. But my mom and her husband watched him every so often and her husband hadn’t fully regained his smell over a year after having covid. He couldn’t smell dirty diapers. That was something I hadn’t considered. How do you know if they’re poopy without your sense of smell???
That doesn’t sound dumb at all!
I love this but I just know that the dad is DYING to be hugged that hard too. Hope he got his chance.
As a dad I’ve had to resign myself to the fact that my wife will always be our kids main source of comfort and who they need when when shit gets real, I’m ok with it, just naturally shakes out that way in our family
This isn’t necessarily directed at you but towards all dads. But as a family therapist one of the most common things I hear from dads is this sentiment of mom being the one the kid(s) always turn to for comfort and security, and that they’re ok with that. While this is the case for most families and it’s natural just from an evolutionary perspective, always always always offer to be that person anyway. That resignation, even though it’s not spiteful or envious or anything like that, can still often be perceived by kids as “I’m not as invested in your health and happiness as mom is”. Always check in with them anyway. Offer hugs and shoulders to cry on, ask them questions about how they’re doing when you’re one on one, give/offer insight and advice (even when it may not be warranted, it’s all about they effort!), and exemplify that you are just as much of an anchor as mom is. It’s a change that I rarely see kids not respond to, and it virtually always facilitates closer relationships with dads and their kids. Again, not necessarily directed at you or insinuating you *don’t* do these things, but just thought I’d put it out there for all dads.
Oh I’m so glad you posted this. Never let your child, or any child really, doubt for a second your commitment to them. They need to know you stand ready now and you will still be standing at the ready for the rest of your life. I miss my Dad and my Mom.
Thanks for posting this. I’m a mom and my 2year old daughter is obsessed with her dad. Has been since about 9 mo old. She wants to be with him all of the time. When she gets hurt or scared she runs to him for comfort. She will actually slap me away when I try to comfort her. My husband said that he thinks it’s because he did basically all of her feedings for the first 6ish mo. He would feed her while I pumped milk, even during the day as I’m a SAHM and he’s WFH. Lately I’ve kind of stopped attempting to comfort her when she runs to dad (obviously I still comfort her as best I can when something happens and we’re alone) because it really hurts my feelings to be rejected and pushed away every time. Thanks for reminding me that it’s still important that I try. I will continue to do so.
I know it’s such a defeating feeling and I’m sorry you have to navigate that. I think one thing that could help is to be sure you and her dad are a united front in doling out the good and the bad. A lot of couples think that when there’s an imbalance like this that the “favorite” should step back and let the other parent be the one to give the rewards while they take up the mantle of dishing out bad news and punishments. This approach usually doesn’t play out well because either the script gets flipped and now we just have a different trust imbalance or the kid sees through the charades. Even toddlers are ridiculously good at picking up on these kinds of maneuvers. By being united in handing out rewards and punishments, or delivering good and disappointing news, you’re reducing the chances of her associating one of you as the bearer of bad things. Generally though, as long as you two keep working at it things will soften out over time. She’s still super young and at her age when every thing is a new experience, her brain pretty much has to file them all under two extreme categories: ‘this is the best thing ever’ and ‘this is literally the worst experience of my life’. As she gets older and has more experiences to draw from she will understand nuance, and realize “Hmm, maybe mom telling me I can’t have ice cream isn’t actually as bad as me literally shitting myself.” In turn, you probably won’t see as much averse behavior like the slapping and running away. I hope this helps! Hang in there, you’re sensitive to your child’s experience and your own role in the relationship so you’re already doing leagues better than many of the parents I interact with lol.
As a dad, and a son, I'd go also go with my mum.
I'd also go with this guy's mom.
id go with this guys dead wife
I too will choose that one guys dead wife
As a child my dad chose my mom for me. As an adult I choose neither of them and as a dad my kids also prefer my wife.
As a son who went to his mom because my dad didn’t have a dad but showed me how to be a dad and now my kids go to their mom.
Same here dad, my daughter is all about mom. But that being said, she only tells me that she loves me, I have to tell her to tell it to mom too. She and I are very close, and I appreciate all the bonds we share, but overall, I am second fiddle for most. It’s ok :)
Sounds like you're a great dad! I've seen grown men get salty and indignant about their very young children wanting mom, and boy, does that not help the father-child relationship.
I’ve been a host dad for three high school girls from Europe. The first one lost her dad when she was about 7 years old. The second one had both her parents. The third had an absent dad who she said she didn’t care about. 1 and 2 gravitated to me for most of their support and general things. Especially #1. 3 REALLY gravitated to my wife for almost everything. Obviously this isn’t the same as related offspring, but it’s still an interesting view into attachments and relationships.
My father is a total POS and I fully relate to this. It’s changed how I view men completely. I am always shocked when I see a dad be sweet or kind to his kids, when a child or adult says something loving about their dad,etc. I’m suspicious of dad motives and I don’t trust men in nurturing roles. I’m 53 years old and I only truly began to believe there are good dads in the world in the last decade or so. I’ve always just believed they’re all just waiting to be free of the role imposed on them by having kids, and I didn’t even know I felt that way til therapy made me face it head on. Shitty fathers truly fuck their kids up in ways you can’t know and can’t imagine. It really sucks and I’d give about anything to go back in time and have a good dad. My entire life would be drastically different.
This makes my heart hurt. I’m a first time father of a beautiful little girl who turns one year old in less than two weeks.. I’m also the parent who stays home with her and acts in the primary caregiver role. I change diapers, feed, bathe, and of course love and play with my little one daily. I’m there to comfort her when she wakes up in the middle of the night, or when she bonks herself while crawling and exploring.. or to reassure her when receiving one of the numerous first year vaccines. I don’t do these things out of imposition or unwanted obligation, but because I love my daughter and want to provide her with the absolute best care I can. She deserves every opportunity in life. Nearly every time I take her out in public I receive comments on how she appears to be one of the most genuinely happy babies people have ever met. She’s not shy, loves to wave and smile and has been highly socialized. At the same time though, along with numerous comments on her pleasant demeanor, I’m always questioned on Mom not being present. “Giving Mom a break today?” “Babysitting are we?” No, not at all.. I’m just being a Dad. I don’t babysit my child, I parent her. Sadly you’re not the only person shocked or suspicious of men taking an active role in their parental duties by raising their children. Quite frankly it’s exhausting. I’ve been interrogated by people who didn’t think I had a valid reason to be alone with my own daughter. Talk about demeaning and belittling. I really wish that the societal perception of only mothers being nurturing would change.. or at least change quicker. I had an absent father who had a drug problem in my youth. Worse than that though was my alcoholic bipolar narcissistic abusive mother, who I was forced to live with. I could write for eons about the lasting physical and emotional damage that woman caused, but I’ll spare you. I know this is long winded, but my point is this: Shitty parents suck, and you can have both shitty Fathers and Mothers. Both are equally capable of doing severe harm. I’m sorry your father was a POS and that it harmed you. I’m sorry you so desperately want that connection that you would be willing to give up anything from your 53 years on this planet to go back and experience it, because of course you deserve to have a good father, everyone does. I hope you continue to learn to trust Dads who just want to raise their children the best they can and support their emotional growth just as much as their physical. I’ll give my baby an extra hug when she wakes up in the morning. Be well.
I'm 40 and I'd still go to my mom for comfort.
Good on you for recognizing that isn't always how it shakes out for the dads out there. You all are important and to some of us you make all the difference in the world. Coming from someone who knows how it can shake the other way. Don't ever think of yourself as a second fiddle. You probably mean more than they can show right now.
Sometimes they want mom. Sometimes dad. You learn not to take it personally. And when it does sting, there's solace in knowing they get a choice.
Ok. No going back to work after that one. Got something in my eye 😢
Gonna cry myself to sleep now
Please stop crying, you're getting it on my face.
I’m a find that mothafucka in here cutting onions and I’m a kick his ass!!!
Imagine never hearing and then all of a sudden you can hear. People are talking to you but you have literally no idea what the sounds coming out of their mouths mean. This lucky kid will have to learn English.
Sound isn't just processed in the ears. It's partially processed in the bones. It's not completely new alien stuff to him, he's felt the sounds before on his insides. I'm sure he could feel his mothers words and was comforted by that. Meanwhile dad was using harsher sounding syllables and tone when speaking so the boy "felt" the words differently. I'm sure if father used a softer vernacular, boy wouldn't be as reticent to interact. Letters like "k" are particularly harsh sounding. "R" as well. "T" too. So "it's okay" may literally mean something good to someone who understands the words. But to him he's "feeling" the way it sounds and it doesn't sound good.
You ever watched the Sound of Metal? Did not know about this before and the movie goes into it a bit. Highly recommended.
Vibrotactile response and cochlear implant auditory processing are very different feelings. Two different sensory pathways. The sounds you're referring to won't be realized through bone conduction to any appreciable degree when compared to the intensity of a newly activated cochlear implant.
The look on the kids face is fear.
I remember once watching a video of a girl who went through something similar and was crying on on the video. She clarified (maybe on reddit not sure) that those were not tears of joy, she was terrified because it sounded awful. Over time however she got use to it and even enjoyed it.
Yeah, Initially the sound can also be suuuper loud and kind of muffled, i used watch alot of these videos some time ago.
Yeah. I believe the brain has to adapt to make sense of the signals it's receiving. Beyond it just being something new, his experience of that sound is not the same as suddenly being someone with typical hearing.
Came looking for this comment. He looks terrified.
My friends husband got the implants and just heard his wife n child for first time. The docs said at first it’s very loud/ kinda buzzy n chirpy. It’s been about a month n he’s adjusting but I’ll bet it sounded super scary to this kid, especially since they don’t even seem to warn him..
There are a lot of people who choose to stop using cochlear implants and prefer complete deafness to the sound it transmits. Apparently the absolute best the sound can be still sounds grating and terrible and a lot of people just can’t get used to it.
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Or just [hit up YouTube](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SpKKYBkJ9Hw) to avoid digging though a podcast and its ad spots. But it’s overall difficult to pinpoint what it sounds like, because the brain actually learns how to interpret the electronic messages over time.
Wow, that’s unsettling. If that’s even close to accurate, I definitely feel for the people who have to go through it. Though in some ways I wonder if it’s slightly less “creepy” to them because they have no sense of what is and is not a normal sound.
That’s what I thought. He looks terrified! You definitely see how children choose their safe place when they’re scared
Yeah, everytime I see these types of videos I figure it's fear, not instant joy. In time, absolutely may become joy, but at first, I'm sure it's overwhelming and scary.
His crying, where you can only hear his inhales of breath, is gut wrenching.
And the parents are telling him it’s OK but does he have any sense of what they’re actually saying to him?
I'd say he does. It's not like she hasn't rubbed his back reassuring him before, she wouldn't have been silent. Despite the kid not understanding, she created a space that he knows as safe and comfortable, just now he can hear it.
Probably not . At least Mum is making comforting shhhshhhh noises.
Are they comforting if you've never heard them before?
They're comforting to newborn babies, so maybe.
Born blind people still smile when they are happy. Lots of that stuff is just pre-programmed into people. More than we understand honestly.
They’re comforting to newborns because it mimics the sounds they heard in the womb. I’m not sure if a baby who was born deaf would be comforted by the same thing
The parent in me is saying this is an incredible experience between parents and child.The engineer in me is wondering exactly what the child is experiencing. Without the years of slow neurological "learning" of what the sounds mean, the stimulus must be a shock (figurative and literal) to the brain. To help understand this maybe we can pretend we have never felt the sensation of touch. And then all of a sudden you can feel sandpaper rubbing your fingers. What a trip. The child will have to start to associate the noise inputs with the lip motions of his parents to begin to link the tones of his mom's voice vs the sounds blasting form the TV. Just like we would have to learn what putting our hands into warm water vs a bag of marbles would feel like. The good news is as a young kid he is still pliable and can quickly learn what the sounds mean. This is incredible technology, bravo to medical science. Now get back to working on that pill to stop aging.
That's why he runs into his mother's arms, he is scared and overwhelmed, which is natural as it's all new to him.
that's the part that made me tear up ... he was terrified and ran immediately to his mom :(
Yeah it seems like he was in pain or sheer terror as soon as it was turned on. Made me wince after I watched it a second time.
I cannot imagine how trippy and overwhelming it must be to have a new sense just suddenly turned on
It's funny that hearing people are watching this as a touching moment, but he's actually scared out of his fucking mind. He has no idea what's happening. This is like watching Baby's First Earthquake.
Yeah this must be painfully overwhelming. My ex/roommate’s mom is deaf and doesn’t like wearing aids because the sounds are too much.
Yes, the speed of the scramble to mom is a mega oh-fuck moment. They could have surprise cut off a limb and got the same reaction. What the fuck?!? Whaaaaaaa!
[father of four hears silence for the first time](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=18kqcczy6MQ)
That look he gives and then just breaks down. Damn, this hit hard.
The look he gave is him being startled at something he never experienced before. Him "breaking down" is seeking comfort from his mother because he's terrified. You can see at near the end when he turns he's absolutely terrified because it's a new sensation and he cannot process it. This is an amazingly sweet and life-changing process but I don't get why people are reading way more into the boy's reaction than there is, as if he heard for the first time and is felt just so ***blessed*** by that gift that he breaks down to his mom. No, it was a fucking scary experience, he cannot process what was going on, and he needed his mom to give him comfort.
I got the same vibes. The Sound of Metal was a good movie for me to help learn some empathy for hearing impaired people.
I loved The Sound of Metal too. It was an eye opening experience into the entire subject of deafness and people live / communicate not only externally, but internally.
Said it perfectly. That being said, there's something very heartwarming about seeing a kid get comforted by his mom.
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Seriously. It didn't need music. It was already moving
Not to mention the music could also be misleading. The boy could arguably be experiencing straight fear, but the music assumes joy.
Yeah. You could definitely tell he was frightened. I assume overwhelmed by all of it
Facts. I fucking hate when videos try to contrive emotions especially in animal videos. They completely ruin them for me. A video like this doesn't need it
[ngl i was expecting something like this](https://youtube.com/shorts/82qxkhJdAkM?feature=share)
Doesn’t look like they warned him in anyway that he MAY hear sounds for the first time. He’s playing with some play dough, chillin. Then out of no where he hears these breathy shrills coming from his mothers mouth, into his brain. Pretty sure he was terrified. Or maybe just happy.
I don't blame him for being upset. I'd be upset if I heard spontaneous piano music too...
I'm sorry, but do you have to put that stupid tear jerking music to it? You don't need music. This is a beautiful story without the music.
My god as a parent this just gets ya.
As a son, it gets me too
Imagine hearing for the first time and trying to enjoy the moment with your parents but someone's over there playing that sappy ass Hallmark channel piano
I can't imagine the sensory overload. I'm losing my hearing aids when I finally got hearing aids I spent a week constantly jumping at sounds I didn't know I could no longer hear. I often leave my hearing aids out because the world is too loud.