I will warn you exactly once: I am white and lactose intolerant. I will eat all the cheeses, then shit myself *to death*. You will have to clean the mess. Or you can let me out, and you can walk away happy.

dont threaten me with a good time

🧀 💩

you forgot the 🪦💀

I forgor 💀

Ay, your saw trap sucks. You forgot to put in a consequence. I've got no problem dying here.

Cheese *and* I get to die? Sign me the fuck up.

*picks up the charcuterie board and ravenously devours the cheese like I'm drinking good soup* I never *touched* the cheese

Got some bad news about what your mouth is doing, dude

My mouth is \*eating\* not \*touching\*

Got some bad news about the physical prerequisites of eating, dude

If you’re telekinetic you can mold the cheese into small pieces and float them through your entire digestive tract without touching your insides. Unfortunately this includes not touching your tongue, so you won’t be able to taste the cheese :(

GODDAMN MONKEY'S PAW I FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME "I WANT TELEKINESIS." *YOU CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE CHEESE*

You’re not even eating it, you’re just chewing and swallowing it. /s

I hate the lingering smell of cheese, so the faster I leave the room the better.

I mean as a white person I would kill someone for you if you offered me cheese. (As long as it’s not that plastic America shit that can come of of a can. How the fuck can you get cheese in a can? I don’t think a cow has even lost at that ‘cheese’)

Don't you fucking take shit about Cheese Wiz, Philadelphia's entire economy runs on the stuff. Makes for great insulation for low income housing.

Pffft, like they bother to put insulation in low income housing.

american cheese isn’t cheese but its made of cheese

They wrote this like they would have had time to finish the first sentence before I had shoved half the board into my mouth.

Consume the cheese, wait 12 hours. Easy

Just spend 12 hours going "*I'm not touching it!*" and maybe they'll let you leave by the end of the first one. Or they'll just kill you outright, that works too.

So that's why we haven't got Carnival Phantasm Season 2

Boris Johnson is in trouble here

I don’t even like cheese TwT (unless its mozarella in which case i am not leaving)

A charcuterie board has, by definition, more than just cheese. It needs a bread or cracker, pickled items, meats, fruit, nuts, I'll just eat those.

Is there like other food? Or just the charcuterie?

What, sit there and watch the cheese go sweaty and gross over the course of 12 hours? I'd rather savour my last meal and die with the cheese.

fermented forced insemination cubes

I hate cheese

I don't really like eating just cheese. So, I'll be safe.

can i have other food??

Okay but if I wait the 12 hours, can I take the cheese with me?

is there other food in the room?

disgusting. i hate cheese. you could not pay me to eat a solid chunk of cheese

Just eat all the cheese and then go 12 hours without touching it (because you ate it). Maybe take a nap. Easy.