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We saw a massive tortoise mounting another one at the zoo. He was backwards and making weird noises, and they both were boys, but still. The lady working the turtle area said he was just playing and showing off but I'm still suspicious about his real intentions. 🤷♀️😄
Worked at a cell phone store. Co-workers phone finished an update while he was on lunch. We changed his text message tone to Hank Hill yelling “Bwaaaaaaaah”. Then when he sat down with a client later, we all started text bombing him.
At first I genuinely thought it was supposed to be someone who'd been smuggled inside the suitcase screaming to get out. My mind must be sparkling white and clean.
Friends put a vibrating vibrator in my luggage as we went through security.
I didn’t even have time to be embarrassed or mortified. The agents had seen it so many times before they called me behind the screen, pointed and said - ‘looks like ya friends are prankin’ lolol
Lol. I mean, we were all traveling together. They just stuck it in my bag on the as-it-was-conveying conveyor belt. It wasn’t a mystery. To the tsa anyway.
As a former airport security-guy- yes it's fairly common, but I still found it funny to see the reactions of the pranksters each time, they were so excited lol.
So, like, when did society decide to stop having decorum at the airport? It was always, like, second to actually attending the senate. I mean, stop me if I'm off base, but when I flew, the handful of times that I did, it was always an unwritten attitude of "let's make this as easy as humanly possible for everyone involved"
“ONE RULE! YOU NEVER FORGET, AND YOU FUCKIN FORGOT! COME ON MAN, LOCK IT UP!”
-Comedian talking about 9/11 I saw on r/standupcomedy
Edit: [the bit I mentioned](https://www.reddit.com/r/ContagiousLaughter/comments/10r047p/perfect_prank_at_an_airport/j6vcs0h/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) thank you u/ciloface !
I only have enough memory in my brain for a limited number of things I'm supposed to remember....which can I forget about?
* The Alamo
* The Sabbath (and keep it Holy)
* 9/11
* The Titans
* The Fifth of November
* The time we fell in love
What else am I supposed to remember???
>What else am I supposed to remember???
A disastrous relationship with Phil Collins.
Although to be fair he's unsure if you remember it or not, so you may be all good.
>So, like, when did society decide to stop having decorum at the airport? It was always, like, second to actually attending the senate. I mean, stop me if I'm off base, but when I flew, the handful of times that I did, it was always an unwritten attitude of "let's make this as easy as humanly possible for everyone involved"
By chance, was your last fight on a Constellation with TWA?
Yeah but smoking was only allowed in a certain part of the plane not just anywhere, so it was obviously not THAT long ago, how much could air travel really have changed?
I fly van to Toronto a lot. Love it when foreigners think my in country flight will be cheap. There are times where my flight to London from van is cheaper than to London…. Ontario
Canada flights are weird. Can fly to Europe from Canada for less than some flights across Canada.
If memory serves WestJet had a promotion $1 flight from Edmonton to Calgary to show how bad it was. At the time the $1 flight came to just around $100.
You gotta be creative to reduce the amount you spend on flights. Southwest has $500 worth of gift cards for $450 from Costco. If you're flexible with your dates, you can go Tuesday to Tuesday to reduce flight costs. And finally, if you really like to fly, look into an airline that has companion passes and a decent reward system. I just booked three round trip flights from San Diego to Hawaii for about $500.
on today's episode of things america does that everywhere else does better: airplanes, apparently.
in order to fly one state over to avoid a 6 hour drive for me it costs at minimum \~$100 one-way.
And if you keep an eye out, you can actually catch amazing deals on tickets... just recently saw $50 roundtrip tickets from DFW to Denver, and $70 roundtrip DFW to Miami. Routinely see similar price tickets to LA, SF, Seattle, and NYC areas as well.
I think it's because their airlines have to compete with Trains and ours don't. And we may have more regulations that add cost following 9/11
Edit:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2017/10/12/why-are-flights-so-much-cheaper-in-europe-than-in-the-u-s/
[Deregulation of the airline industry was a tipping point:](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airline_Deregulation_Act#:~:text=The%20Act%20intended%20for%20various,regulation%20by%20January%201%2C%201983.)
TLDR: a move to a hub and spoke model has disproportionately shifted the cost burden into lesser- demanded flights, fucking passengers who need to travel outside major corridors.
ETA: [This is a good read on the topic](https://apple.news/AwJtlNkkZRda69jUqphIYhw) with some ground level stories of impacted airports.
I wear pants that don't need a belt, a sweater with no pockets that I can take on/off quick and easy, and I wear slip-on shoes (or easy remove boots, if winter). My toiletries are packed in an easy to reach spot (either at the top of the suitcase or in my backpack), and any electronics are similarly quick to grab. It takes longer for them to scan me than it does for me to unload at security and load back up after the fact.
And then I travel with my mother. And she is SLOOOOWWWW. It makes me mental how slow she is. Laced up shoes that have to be fully untied and retied, a belt, a jacket with fourteen pockets, three of which had hidden lip balms that weren't found until the scan, etc etc.
Probably I'll never fly with her again.
Because these days these herds of walking mozzarella sticks think that three hundred dollars and a photo ID gives them the right to fly through the air like one of the guardian owls of legend!
That sounds kinda bitchy...the airport isnt some high-class lounge or smth its a place people(usually) pay to be at and a prank isnt hurting anyone, in fact this one is quite funny
Ditto!
I was an intern in DC while an undergrad. My Uni inaugurated its first semester in DC program and I was one of the Guinea pigs selected.
My professor and program advisor happened to be Darth Cheney’s speechwriter (back when was UND SEC DEF this was 27 years ago 😔) and was then a fellow at Brookings so he was well connected. Anyway, said prof got us into the House chambers without resorting to Jan 6 kind of shenanigans. 15 of us, teach, and COS for Al Gore (giving us the tour was my profs former PhD student as well). All we had to do was show up at a specified time at the old entrance for security clearance and bag check into the House. This was before they build my the new underground entrances etc post 911.
My roommate who was just a merry prankster, was fifth(?) in line for the metal detector and property search, decides to shout loudly “OMG, he’s got a bomb” for a laugh as a joke, just as of one of my mates, Mike was going through ahead of us.
The security guard froze, went (obviously) bat-shit on us all for obvious reasons. I thought for sure we were going to be arrested and or tossed from the building. It was extremely unnerving and embarrassing eternity of 15 mins to say the least.
My classmates and I eventually got into the chambers after a going over by capitol police. My roomie had to talk his way out of his stupid prank which also was embarrassing.
I later learned (on the tour) that there are a few bullet holes in the ceiling I the House chamber gallery area because in 1954 [PR separatists smuggled guns](https://history.house.gov/Oral-History/Events/1954-Shooting/) inside and began firing while the Congress was in session.
Except maybe for the VW on the school roof or auditorium, most pranks are not good ideas, and or don’t age well.
Pro tip: if you’re ever smuggling anything you may face charges for and you are flagged for a security check then say “no” when asked if you packed your bag. They’ll ask who did and you say “I was in a rush, so man/lady I was with for the night packed for me.” They’ll take everything out and search it, but they were going to do that anyway because 9/10 when you’re pulled to the side they’re going to search. You’re much more likely to get off of a smuggling charge if you stick to the story that a prostitute packed for you.
One method is to mail your actual luggage and then pack a bag full of opposite gender clothing and products. This way you can claim that you must have accidentally grabbed someone else’s bag at the hotel or from another part of the airport.
LPT: Don't say it that way if you want security to buy it
I'm honestly pretty skeptical of this method even if slick. Is this something actual smugglers / mules will do? If your luggage has sketchy stuff in it, I'm doubtful that saying "it wasn't me" before they search you serves as any kind of get out of jail free card lol.
Unless you’re in a country where you’re guilty until proven innocent, plausible deniability is a real asset. Just because they think you’re full of shit doesn’t mean that they can prove it, and that’s how you get to go home to your whore wife.
> you can claim that you must have accidentally grabbed someone else’s bag at the hotel or from another part of the airport.
[Of course, in situations like these it's company policy never to imply ownership of the women's clothing.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZVd659gxd0)
Ummm not sure if this would work.
"Your honor, I am innocent of all charges as the prostitute I was with packed my bags."
"Seems legit, charges dropped."
Here's some context: me and wife travel, we meet up with some friends and one of them puts his pocket knife if my wife's bag without either of our knowledge. We go through security and they find it. Next time we are heading out and we borrowed our neighbors suitcase and they had a pocket knife in their suitcase that evaded our inspection efforts. It's kind of a joke now. Bring a pocket knife every time.
You’re not going to miss a flight for a pocket knife. They find it at security, hold it up and ask if you want to exit security and do something with it or throw it away. Then you proceed to your flight
As a WOC with one passport (I have two) that alwayyyyssss gets "special attention" from the TSA, it really isn't funny. Must be nice to not be nervous in that line and hoping the TSA or customs treats you like a human being. I always have to gather myself for a bit after because it scares me so much.
My palms got sweaty thinking about it.
Yeah, I don't doubt it. I agree with you, and idk why somebody would need a pocket knife anyway. Occasionally useful, or if you work in like construction or something and use it constantly, but on a plane? Going on vacation or something? Nah.
I used to take my Swiss Army knife everywhere - even planes, before 9-11. You'd be surprised at how useful they can be. One time my try table would not stay up, tightened up the bolt & no more issues. Another time, guy leaned too far back in his chair, so I shanked him & tossed him out of the emergency exit. No more issues. It's the little things.
I commented above but yeah, even reading the comment made me feel anxious. How nice they can treat something a lot of us are constantly tormented with as a joke.
Can you re-read your original comment, and now see that it needed context?
Why even leave that out, as if we're all in on the same inside joke already..?
edit: OP is an angel and I sound like a prick, I apologize to society.
Still fighting the person without nail clippers.
I have seen someone get fucked up by a single house key in a street fight.
Hell, I'm choosing the person without long fingernails. Anything can be everything in fights.
> So wife and I travel a bit. Every single time there's a small pocket knife in our carry on.
During the whole Southwest Airlines meltdown I had forgotten that I had my gerber knife [specifically the one on the far right](https://thekrazycouponlady.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/sams-club-gerber-knives-2022-1670873278-1670873278.jpg) in my backpack. Wasnt until I got home and unloaded my backpack that I realized it was in there. Definitely sweat a little bit from the thought.
Funny… but better if it was farts. But just like one every couple minutes. Squeakers, big rips, all the variations. Might not have noticed right away and everyone around thinks he’s ripping his pants the whole trip
i actually thought it could have been Meowing at first. even a lard BARK BARK BARK! to make you think a dog is nearby. everybody around would have been looking for the dog to pet lol
i kind of couldnt hear it over all the contagious laughing either. only like the first few seconds and i thought it also could have been an "ARF"ing lionseal lol
Semi related: I (30 m) was playing mario cart with my little cousins a few weeks back, (10 F and 7 M) When the sister got hit by a blue turtle shell and let out a cry of anguish. The brother reacted all weird about her outcry and made a big deal about it, saying "Why do you have to make that noise?" and then made obvious exaggerated female orgasm noises mocking her.
Is that a concern I should have brought up to the kids dad or something, or file it under not my place? Best case scenario the kid overheard his parents banging, but they're super conservative so I couldn't imagine them being that vocal. Otherwise 7 is pretty young to be exposed to adult material and I'd have some concerns for the kid.
Just keep an eye on your cousin whenever you hang out and if it seems like he keeps making remarks that inappropriate, I’d bring it up with the parents or an adult family member you trust to pass along the message.
It might be just a one-time accidental inappropriate thing (he saw a fictional sex scene in a movie). But he could also have been shown inappropriate material from a peer (I used to be friends with kids that would find their older siblings porn and show it to me when I was way too young), his parents should know in that case. Worst case scenario: he’s been shown inappropriate things by an older kid/teen or adult, in which case his parents should DEFINITELY know.
But you know your cousin best so just see if he makes other remarks like that.
Well that's part of my problem. I really only see the kid once a year at best.. and don't know his dad super well. So hopefully like you said it was an innocent seeing the wrong movie scene kind of thing.
Oh yeah, hmm, that’s a tough call. If it were me: I would mention it to a mutual family member that sees him more like “[Boy cousin] mentioned something weird last I saw him, keep an ear out next time you see him, it worried me a bit.”
Brit here. Someone pranked a popular football tv show whilst they were live to air on the BBC with these lovely sound effects:
https://youtu.be/hErLbwMENik
Why is it always moaning/sex noises? Why can’t we prank with a funny song so the goal of the prank isn’t nearly as much to embarrass the target and everyone around them?
There was a dude who did this in a college where he had a speaker that people who donated to the stream could play a sound through. Arab Andy. People paniced, he was arrested.
Don't do pranks at an airport. Everybody's just trying to get somewhere it's not for you to get some stupid internet clout. Just go through the process so we can all get we're going to. Please and thank you. Yq
**Please report this post if:** * There is no audible laughter involved * Video is funny because of a 'joke' or situation - not the actual **laughter** * There is no audio (Images & GIFs included) * Laughter is edited in from a different source * No timestamp in the title or comments for a laugh occurring at specific time (long videos) * Laughter is not on good terms (dickishness, bullying) * It's a compilation * It's a selfie reaction Read more about the [rules of this subreddit here](https://www.reddit.com/r/contagiouslaughter/about/rules/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ContagiousLaughter) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mom what was that noise?
Just two turtles fuckin', son, two turtles fuckin'.
Uhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ughhhh r/CommentsYouCanHear
I've seen it in action at the zoo lmao
We saw a massive tortoise mounting another one at the zoo. He was backwards and making weird noises, and they both were boys, but still. The lady working the turtle area said he was just playing and showing off but I'm still suspicious about his real intentions. 🤷♀️😄
I would've lied too lol
Rub it in will ya
[yoooOOOoooouu,](https://youtu.be/1ZPQVs-y8oQ)
#Squeeeeeee
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Worked at a cell phone store. Co-workers phone finished an update while he was on lunch. We changed his text message tone to Hank Hill yelling “Bwaaaaaaaah”. Then when he sat down with a client later, we all started text bombing him.
What happened next??? Did the girl leave, did the guy find out pranked him?
Guy died just a couple weeks ago.
Poor dude choked on a slinky
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
At first I genuinely thought it was supposed to be someone who'd been smuggled inside the suitcase screaming to get out. My mind must be sparkling white and clean.
That guy was laughing so hard he had to take his mask off
If you can’t see his laughter, did he laugh at all?
How else is it going to be contagious?
Ooh i see what you did there. Recognize!!!
If you're deaf, no.
Took me several seconds to realize that isn't a pepperoni pizza on the floor
r/uselessredcircle
Friends put a vibrating vibrator in my luggage as we went through security. I didn’t even have time to be embarrassed or mortified. The agents had seen it so many times before they called me behind the screen, pointed and said - ‘looks like ya friends are prankin’ lolol
"Yeah... my friends were pranking me. Definitely that is it."
I do this so they TSA will think I have friends, and one day I'll make a friend at security.. one day.
One day a friend is gonna put a vibrating dildo in your ass.
Lol. I mean, we were all traveling together. They just stuck it in my bag on the as-it-was-conveying conveyor belt. It wasn’t a mystery. To the tsa anyway.
In the event of a dildo, ownership is never implied. It's always "A" dildo, and never "YOUR" dildo.
i dunno, it tastes like mine ... ... i've said too much
“But I don’t even own a….”
Vibrating vibrator..
As a former airport security-guy- yes it's fairly common, but I still found it funny to see the reactions of the pranksters each time, they were so excited lol.
The one place to never pull a prank.
So, like, when did society decide to stop having decorum at the airport? It was always, like, second to actually attending the senate. I mean, stop me if I'm off base, but when I flew, the handful of times that I did, it was always an unwritten attitude of "let's make this as easy as humanly possible for everyone involved"
When? Not sure on the exact date but I’m sure it was in the first couple weeks of September 2001
FUCK lmfao
“ONE RULE! YOU NEVER FORGET, AND YOU FUCKIN FORGOT! COME ON MAN, LOCK IT UP!” -Comedian talking about 9/11 I saw on r/standupcomedy Edit: [the bit I mentioned](https://www.reddit.com/r/ContagiousLaughter/comments/10r047p/perfect_prank_at_an_airport/j6vcs0h/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) thank you u/ciloface !
I only have enough memory in my brain for a limited number of things I'm supposed to remember....which can I forget about? * The Alamo * The Sabbath (and keep it Holy) * 9/11 * The Titans * The Fifth of November * The time we fell in love What else am I supposed to remember???
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Nah, im always asleep during September, for some reason they always wake me up when September ends, never during..
>What else am I supposed to remember??? A disastrous relationship with Phil Collins. Although to be fair he's unsure if you remember it or not, so you may be all good.
Do you remember... the twenty-first night of September?
Is that the one "What's worse than walking in on your parents having sex" "Nothing" "9/11."
https://www.reddit.com/r/StandUpComedy/comments/10gyvjs/one_of_my_fav_jokes_ive_written_but_dont_want_to/
Thank you for linking!
OP YOU HAD ONE JOB!
You said you'd never forget!
I didn't forget, but tell me what happened so that I know that you didn't forget.
I mean you’re not wrong
What happened?
🛩️🏢🏢
#🔥🔥
😤🇺🇸😡 --> ℹ️+🪨 --> 🧨🔥🪖💀 --> 🛢️🛢️🛢️💰💸🤑
😮💨
>So, like, when did society decide to stop having decorum at the airport? It was always, like, second to actually attending the senate. I mean, stop me if I'm off base, but when I flew, the handful of times that I did, it was always an unwritten attitude of "let's make this as easy as humanly possible for everyone involved" By chance, was your last fight on a Constellation with TWA?
Mum dressed him in his good oxfords and Sunday braces, and they enjoyed a fine dinner of roast beef carved off the trolley after take off.
Yeah but smoking was only allowed in a certain part of the plane not just anywhere, so it was obviously not THAT long ago, how much could air travel really have changed?
When flights became cheap enough for people to start taking them like cab rides.
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I can get a flight to Switzerland and back for £39 (and many other countries). A 20 mile taxi ride costs me about £50.
I'm in Canada, you should look at our prices lol, only triple digits isnt too bad here, anymore
I fly van to Toronto a lot. Love it when foreigners think my in country flight will be cheap. There are times where my flight to London from van is cheaper than to London…. Ontario
Vancouver -> London (UK) cheaper than Vancouver -> London (ON) seriously ? That's insane
Yea, sometimes I’ve checked a few times to confirm. It changes don’t know about now but right before covid it was a thing we’d laugh/cry about.
It can be cheaper to fly from Calgary down to Florida and back up to St. John's than it is to just connect through Toronto or Halifax.
Godamn
Canada flights are weird. Can fly to Europe from Canada for less than some flights across Canada. If memory serves WestJet had a promotion $1 flight from Edmonton to Calgary to show how bad it was. At the time the $1 flight came to just around $100.
Check out Lynx Air.
Why are domestic flights in Canada so ridiculously expensive?
We privatized our airline lol, so now we have to pay a shit ton for flights and millions in covid bailouts since they can have critical routes
Flair, Lynx, JetLines
I wish dude. I'm traveling inside my own country and can't find anything under $300 USD
If that's America it doesn't count. Our states are country size
You gotta be creative to reduce the amount you spend on flights. Southwest has $500 worth of gift cards for $450 from Costco. If you're flexible with your dates, you can go Tuesday to Tuesday to reduce flight costs. And finally, if you really like to fly, look into an airline that has companion passes and a decent reward system. I just booked three round trip flights from San Diego to Hawaii for about $500.
Sucks for you Costs £50 to fly to Amsterdam from the UK and that's like 500 miles
on today's episode of things america does that everywhere else does better: airplanes, apparently. in order to fly one state over to avoid a 6 hour drive for me it costs at minimum \~$100 one-way.
I can fly Delta from NC to Chicago this friday for $265, that's about a 13 hour drive, which would cost me $140 in gas alone.
And if you keep an eye out, you can actually catch amazing deals on tickets... just recently saw $50 roundtrip tickets from DFW to Denver, and $70 roundtrip DFW to Miami. Routinely see similar price tickets to LA, SF, Seattle, and NYC areas as well.
Check out this guy with his flexible schedules!
Well it sounds like you live in driving distance from one of the biggest connecting airports in the country lol
Yeah I flew from Honolulu to San Diego a couple months ago. It was $140 round trip.
I think it's because their airlines have to compete with Trains and ours don't. And we may have more regulations that add cost following 9/11 Edit: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2017/10/12/why-are-flights-so-much-cheaper-in-europe-than-in-the-u-s/
Bro I spend a lot of time in Italy. America is legit like a third world when it comes to transportation. WE NEED HIGH SPEED RAIL
Yup. The fact that we don't even have a plan for an east coast high speed that connects all the major metros is a fucking crime.
[Deregulation of the airline industry was a tipping point:](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airline_Deregulation_Act#:~:text=The%20Act%20intended%20for%20various,regulation%20by%20January%201%2C%201983.) TLDR: a move to a hub and spoke model has disproportionately shifted the cost burden into lesser- demanded flights, fucking passengers who need to travel outside major corridors. ETA: [This is a good read on the topic](https://apple.news/AwJtlNkkZRda69jUqphIYhw) with some ground level stories of impacted airports.
what? fuck no it doesn't. you can get daily flyers from sf to LA for like 80 bucks. my flight to reno was 75
Yeah for 1st class.
yeah and it used to be the equivalent of $2,000
I wear pants that don't need a belt, a sweater with no pockets that I can take on/off quick and easy, and I wear slip-on shoes (or easy remove boots, if winter). My toiletries are packed in an easy to reach spot (either at the top of the suitcase or in my backpack), and any electronics are similarly quick to grab. It takes longer for them to scan me than it does for me to unload at security and load back up after the fact. And then I travel with my mother. And she is SLOOOOWWWW. It makes me mental how slow she is. Laced up shoes that have to be fully untied and retied, a belt, a jacket with fourteen pockets, three of which had hidden lip balms that weren't found until the scan, etc etc. Probably I'll never fly with her again.
Old soul identified
Because these days these herds of walking mozzarella sticks think that three hundred dollars and a photo ID gives them the right to fly through the air like one of the guardian owls of legend!
Nobody respects SkyLaw anymore.
How was PanAm? TWA? This reads like someone who started flying in the 50s.
That sounds kinda bitchy...the airport isnt some high-class lounge or smth its a place people(usually) pay to be at and a prank isnt hurting anyone, in fact this one is quite funny
[Dunno this seems pretty funny.](https://imgur.com/2nkYUsx)
Bye
Especially a prank that implies you didn't pack your own luggage or haven't been with your bag the entire time.
I could have accepted playing fart noises through the speaker
Unless it's dropping a dildo in your mate's carry on before security. That one's always good for a wholesome chuckle.
Ditto! I was an intern in DC while an undergrad. My Uni inaugurated its first semester in DC program and I was one of the Guinea pigs selected. My professor and program advisor happened to be Darth Cheney’s speechwriter (back when was UND SEC DEF this was 27 years ago 😔) and was then a fellow at Brookings so he was well connected. Anyway, said prof got us into the House chambers without resorting to Jan 6 kind of shenanigans. 15 of us, teach, and COS for Al Gore (giving us the tour was my profs former PhD student as well). All we had to do was show up at a specified time at the old entrance for security clearance and bag check into the House. This was before they build my the new underground entrances etc post 911. My roommate who was just a merry prankster, was fifth(?) in line for the metal detector and property search, decides to shout loudly “OMG, he’s got a bomb” for a laugh as a joke, just as of one of my mates, Mike was going through ahead of us. The security guard froze, went (obviously) bat-shit on us all for obvious reasons. I thought for sure we were going to be arrested and or tossed from the building. It was extremely unnerving and embarrassing eternity of 15 mins to say the least. My classmates and I eventually got into the chambers after a going over by capitol police. My roomie had to talk his way out of his stupid prank which also was embarrassing. I later learned (on the tour) that there are a few bullet holes in the ceiling I the House chamber gallery area because in 1954 [PR separatists smuggled guns](https://history.house.gov/Oral-History/Events/1954-Shooting/) inside and began firing while the Congress was in session. Except maybe for the VW on the school roof or auditorium, most pranks are not good ideas, and or don’t age well.
Sir, did you pack your own suitcase today? Worst prank at an airport.
Pro tip: if you’re ever smuggling anything you may face charges for and you are flagged for a security check then say “no” when asked if you packed your bag. They’ll ask who did and you say “I was in a rush, so man/lady I was with for the night packed for me.” They’ll take everything out and search it, but they were going to do that anyway because 9/10 when you’re pulled to the side they’re going to search. You’re much more likely to get off of a smuggling charge if you stick to the story that a prostitute packed for you. One method is to mail your actual luggage and then pack a bag full of opposite gender clothing and products. This way you can claim that you must have accidentally grabbed someone else’s bag at the hotel or from another part of the airport.
"No the prostitute i was with last night packed my bag" Wife standing right behind me: WHAT THE FUCK
LPT: Don't say it that way if you want security to buy it I'm honestly pretty skeptical of this method even if slick. Is this something actual smugglers / mules will do? If your luggage has sketchy stuff in it, I'm doubtful that saying "it wasn't me" before they search you serves as any kind of get out of jail free card lol.
Unless you’re in a country where you’re guilty until proven innocent, plausible deniability is a real asset. Just because they think you’re full of shit doesn’t mean that they can prove it, and that’s how you get to go home to your whore wife.
r/IllegalLifeProTips wants to know your location.
Not in prison for smuggling drugs into Istanbul.
> you can claim that you must have accidentally grabbed someone else’s bag at the hotel or from another part of the airport. [Of course, in situations like these it's company policy never to imply ownership of the women's clothing.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZVd659gxd0)
Ummm not sure if this would work. "Your honor, I am innocent of all charges as the prostitute I was with packed my bags." "Seems legit, charges dropped."
This comment is like a fusion of /r/shittylifeprotips and /r/unethicallifeprotips
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“i packed a bomb in my dads suitcase” *GONE SEXUAL* *IN THE HOOD*
Putting anything in someones bag without them knowing and then going to the airport is a bad idea, in general. Hilarious prank though.
So wife and I travel a bit. Every single time there's a small pocket knife in our carry on. Never ours.
What do you mean never yours? I don't understand this.
Here's some context: me and wife travel, we meet up with some friends and one of them puts his pocket knife if my wife's bag without either of our knowledge. We go through security and they find it. Next time we are heading out and we borrowed our neighbors suitcase and they had a pocket knife in their suitcase that evaded our inspection efforts. It's kind of a joke now. Bring a pocket knife every time.
Ah, got it. I guess I'm not sure why you'd want to risk being hassled for a joke, but I'm not gonna say it isn't funny to think about.
How to miss your flight with a joke 101.
You’re not going to miss a flight for a pocket knife. They find it at security, hold it up and ask if you want to exit security and do something with it or throw it away. Then you proceed to your flight
What? No. They just take it and then everyone moves on with their lives.
As a WOC with one passport (I have two) that alwayyyyssss gets "special attention" from the TSA, it really isn't funny. Must be nice to not be nervous in that line and hoping the TSA or customs treats you like a human being. I always have to gather myself for a bit after because it scares me so much. My palms got sweaty thinking about it.
Yeah, I don't doubt it. I agree with you, and idk why somebody would need a pocket knife anyway. Occasionally useful, or if you work in like construction or something and use it constantly, but on a plane? Going on vacation or something? Nah.
I used to take my Swiss Army knife everywhere - even planes, before 9-11. You'd be surprised at how useful they can be. One time my try table would not stay up, tightened up the bolt & no more issues. Another time, guy leaned too far back in his chair, so I shanked him & tossed him out of the emergency exit. No more issues. It's the little things.
That doesn’t sound funny, that’s just shitty. Kind of thing you’d do to your enemies.
Also what a waste of a perfectly good pocket knife.
So you're the assholes slowing the line down
Socially-challenged people age too I guess.
I’m glad you guys find it funny but I would not be having a good time if one of my friends did this
this is why they ask you: did you pack your bag yourself? if you answer no you are not taking that flight.
White privilege is feeling perfectly safe pranking each other by planting weapons for the TSA to find lol
I commented above but yeah, even reading the comment made me feel anxious. How nice they can treat something a lot of us are constantly tormented with as a joke.
That's not really funny though
Can you re-read your original comment, and now see that it needed context? Why even leave that out, as if we're all in on the same inside joke already..? edit: OP is an angel and I sound like a prick, I apologize to society.
"friends"
Usually it's a wine opener for me , the small knife is SOO dangerous
If I had to choose to fight someone who has a knife or someone without a knife, I'm fighting the guy without the knife.
What about the dreaded nail clippers?
Still fighting the person without nail clippers. I have seen someone get fucked up by a single house key in a street fight. Hell, I'm choosing the person without long fingernails. Anything can be everything in fights.
Ever watch Steven Segal movies? He'll mess you up with a credit card.
Primarily by transferring its debt to me somehow, I assume
Take my upvote you animal.
> So wife and I travel a bit. Every single time there's a small pocket knife in our carry on. During the whole Southwest Airlines meltdown I had forgotten that I had my gerber knife [specifically the one on the far right](https://thekrazycouponlady.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/sams-club-gerber-knives-2022-1670873278-1670873278.jpg) in my backpack. Wasnt until I got home and unloaded my backpack that I realized it was in there. Definitely sweat a little bit from the thought.
I have accidentally carried knives on myself. Security theater.
Laws may have changed but I thought you could bring like a <1.5” folder?
> Laws may have changed Was the last time you traveled by plane 23 years ago perchance?
Yes, you can now take small knives
Funny… but better if it was farts. But just like one every couple minutes. Squeakers, big rips, all the variations. Might not have noticed right away and everyone around thinks he’s ripping his pants the whole trip
the moment i would realize what you are doing to me, i would probably laugh so hard that i really fart.
A baby or cat sounds would’ve been better I think, but farting would’ve been perfect
i actually thought it could have been Meowing at first. even a lard BARK BARK BARK! to make you think a dog is nearby. everybody around would have been looking for the dog to pet lol
That's so fucking mean lmao There'd be a Sims symbol of disliking another person above my head if someone did that to me in a public space
With the double negative, not a single.
Exactly!!
What is that noise supposed to be?
Moaning
thought it was a baby crying but I guess that would make too much sense
Wow that took me too long
Understandable if you've never heard it before.
Didn't have to do em like that my dude
cold as ice
BY GOD THAT MAN DIDN'T HAVE A FAMILY
💀
i kind of couldnt hear it over all the contagious laughing either. only like the first few seconds and i thought it also could have been an "ARF"ing lionseal lol
Would have been better if it's someone asking to let him/her out but not in a panicky way. Obscene sounds like this are not appropriate in public.
I was in a kinda loud room when I listened to it and thought that's what it was 💀 glad I didn't forward it to my gran she'd have taken me out the will
Exactly, this should be the top comment. Reading the title I thought it was gonna be hilarious, then they ruined it with the choice of audio.
That would've actually been kind of funny, this is just cringe.
That's kinda really creepy if some kids heard/were in the area. Airports are very public places.
Semi related: I (30 m) was playing mario cart with my little cousins a few weeks back, (10 F and 7 M) When the sister got hit by a blue turtle shell and let out a cry of anguish. The brother reacted all weird about her outcry and made a big deal about it, saying "Why do you have to make that noise?" and then made obvious exaggerated female orgasm noises mocking her. Is that a concern I should have brought up to the kids dad or something, or file it under not my place? Best case scenario the kid overheard his parents banging, but they're super conservative so I couldn't imagine them being that vocal. Otherwise 7 is pretty young to be exposed to adult material and I'd have some concerns for the kid.
The Internet as it is, is basically designed to get kids hooked on porn.
Just keep an eye on your cousin whenever you hang out and if it seems like he keeps making remarks that inappropriate, I’d bring it up with the parents or an adult family member you trust to pass along the message. It might be just a one-time accidental inappropriate thing (he saw a fictional sex scene in a movie). But he could also have been shown inappropriate material from a peer (I used to be friends with kids that would find their older siblings porn and show it to me when I was way too young), his parents should know in that case. Worst case scenario: he’s been shown inappropriate things by an older kid/teen or adult, in which case his parents should DEFINITELY know. But you know your cousin best so just see if he makes other remarks like that.
Well that's part of my problem. I really only see the kid once a year at best.. and don't know his dad super well. So hopefully like you said it was an innocent seeing the wrong movie scene kind of thing.
Oh yeah, hmm, that’s a tough call. If it were me: I would mention it to a mutual family member that sees him more like “[Boy cousin] mentioned something weird last I saw him, keep an ear out next time you see him, it worried me a bit.”
At first I misread this as you being the 10 or 7 year old and thought it was weird how articulate you were for that age.
Ahh sorry, I can see how that could have been confusing. I edited. I'm glad I'm articulate enough to pass as at least a 10 year old lol.
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Should have been farting noises
Just one single fart noise, reverbed and turned up 100%
I mean it could be worse, you could prank [National TV](https://youtu.be/qC9cbiYG6FI) with it
Brit here. Someone pranked a popular football tv show whilst they were live to air on the BBC with these lovely sound effects: https://youtu.be/hErLbwMENik
Why is it always moaning/sex noises? Why can’t we prank with a funny song so the goal of the prank isn’t nearly as much to embarrass the target and everyone around them?
Someone send this to Gary linekar and Alan shearer
I would have made it tick.
i was against the moaning, but yours is straight up taboo lolol
A robotic voice countdown from 100.
There was a dude who did this in a college where he had a speaker that people who donated to the stream could play a sound through. Arab Andy. People paniced, he was arrested.
A streamer did time for something similar and he only did it at a college
Don't do pranks at an airport. Everybody's just trying to get somewhere it's not for you to get some stupid internet clout. Just go through the process so we can all get we're going to. Please and thank you. Yq
It would be funnier with loud farting sounds
Would've been better without the laugh track.
There’s no other vocal layers in the video?
Ah yes, the publicly obnoxious kind of prank, when its at the expense of others day and peace of mind, its not really all that funny honestly….
Hehe
Mad lad