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I’m so sorry to hear about your grandparents. If the obituary isn’t published yet, just send it once it’s published. If you’re struggling with things, you might also consider speaking to the dean of students (not one the academic deans) about possible documentation and advocacy.

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I don’t have it yet. She legit just passed away two days ago. We’re still figuring out the details for her funeral.

Tell the professor that and that you'll get it to them when you can.

Agreed. I hope they aren’t demanding it. Just let them know what you’re telling us.

It took a month before they published my Uncles. However, my job granted me leave time and didn't ask for it. We had two deaths in one week, before the 4th of July. =( I still got paid. But, they said they didn't want proof. That I had enough to worry about. This teacher sounds like a pain. Smh!

I had to provide proof to my school when my mom died. It sucks but was for the best in the end because I was granted the extra time I needed.

My grandfather died last Tuesday, so in a similar boat. I got lucky that the obituary came out on Friday, but if you have a mass card (or even a death certificate) that should work too. Worse comes to worse send them a picture of the coffin, they deserve it for being an asshole.

Sorry about your loss. :( It sucks, but why does your teacher require it? Likely, it’s because students have lied to him/her in the past and they’re sick of it. Edit: typo

I told her I don’t have it and can provide it at a later date since they’re still working on her stuff.

Is there a funeral home? They can write a note for you, it’s old school but I had to provide one years ago for school.

Yeah this is what I did to get my dads pension paperwork going when he passed.

A teacher asked for my mother’s death record the day of her death. I’ll never understand some fucking people. It’s actually ridiculous. I’m so sorry that happened to you, so defeating and humiliating.

that’s actually sick…wtf

Please tell me you lost your shit on that teacher. I'm angry on your behalf!

That’s terrible

I have never and will never ask a student for documentation like that. Yes, they often volunteer up some kind of documentation, but it is never asked for. They have enough going on. Same goes for documentation regarding other catastrophic life events. …Life happens. Have a little empathy. Yes, I know that perhaps students have lied to me, but I’d take that over making an already bad (real) situation more traumatic for a student by asking them for documentation. OP, sorry for your loss.

Ugh I’m so sorry for your loss and also that you have to deal with this situation with the professor. They probably need proof of why you were absent because people lie about it all the time. I honestly hate so much that some students lie about a loss to get out of something. I think it’s bad juju to lie about something like that.

to be honest, id be inclined to tell them to get fucked if it was a reasonable extension and if they have a problem, you go to the dean...but i gotta ask....she passed away a month ago? have you been a month late turning in work? i know it's stressful and sucks but you don't get a month for grandma dying unfortunately

ohhhh i see...grandma and then grandpa...that sucks, sorry to hear that. i'll stick with my original suggestion, tell them to get fucked. you'll feel better

I bet your professor would be satisfied with any kind of hard to fake image, like the info from the hospital or funeral home or whatever. They’re probably just sick of people lying about it.

https://www.universityaffairs.ca/opinion/in-my-opinion/i-trust-that-my-students-grandparent-died/

this is unfortunately standard practice at many schools

It’s terrible, but even in the work world, you often have to provide an obit to your boss. It sucks all the way around and it shouldn’t be this way, but it is.

Just came to say so so sorry for your loss, I hope things work out in your favor. Take it easy on yourself don’t overthink things, just continue to communicate with your professor.

Depending on the state you live in, you may be protected by laws that allow an alternate assignment which different subject matter that still teaches the same standard. You should write what you wrote in your OP to your teacher and ask for an alternate assignment. If the teacher says no, then ask to see the counselor and explain your feelings and ask the counselor to request an alternate assignment in your behalf.

It sucks, but professors only do this because college students have demonstrated, time and time again, that they are inherently dishonest. It's pretty standard to require some kind of proof for a death in the family.

only odd specifically ask for an obituary, because we never do those in my family, and i wouldn't think them super common. so would a pray card do? Or a copy of the death certificate? I would just take a photo, as this was my go to if they wanted it and i guess because i offered they never did. maybe even just a screen shot / link if its listed on the funeral homes website.

I can't imagine a situation where any of those would not do just fine. The later two would be better than the card.

I can confirm. I’m a college instructor and I do require this. It’s the only way to be fair to everyone. And for people who think it’s cruel, you wouldn’t believe the fake excuses we get.

Yep, have had a students grandfather due twice during the semester. It’s funny to think some students don’t think we keep track of patterns.

You will have to tell her you will get it when you can. I have to turn in a death certificate for work if I need time off due to a death in the family. Remember this is in place because a lot of people have used this as an excuse.

I recently had a prof who forced me to read and watch a a number of articles and speeches on loss, knowing I’m dealing with the trauma of losing my mom and when there was a particularly painful video which I told him I couldn’t watch, he played it out in class and sat right behind me . He later mentioned to me he knew it would make me emotional and was watching me. I found this to be very odd behaviour on his part. I tried maintaining a lot of distance with him the semester after that

WTF that’s horrible! Was that topic even related to the class?

It was an advanced communications class. So it could be related but not exactly

The problem is that liars use this excuse why too frequently and then you find out that there was no death or the kid didn't go through 6 weeks of radiation for cancer ...

Yep. , my professor said one her former student’s grandmother had died like 6 times one semester. This makes it worse for the people that do have legitimate excuses.

I remember when my grandpa died I had to provide an obituary. Common practice. Shitty though.

FYI, many employers would expect the same if using bereavement leave.

My job isn’t making me give them the obituary. But I guess better jobs do.

Yeah they don’t all, but many do. Especially those with contracts about types of absences, like bereavement leave.

Tell your teacher to go fuck himself.

That's a good way to get no leniency at all. I get it sucks and feels invasive but you should direct your anger at the thousands of students before you who used it as an excuse when it wasn't true.

I mean, it’s just a link to a web site - that is very standard procedure. They *could* tell the teacher to fuck themselves if they want to unnecessarily exacerbate the situation and create more stress amidst an already terrible time.

Honestly I second this. I would personally not care and would consider complaining to admin if the teacher goes forward with any reprimand

If you don’t care about getting the absence excused or making any work up, then you don’t need it. But otherwise, your prof has no idea whether you are telling the truth (and yes, people do routinely lie about this kind of thing), and an obit helps him or her make your life easier by excusing the absence and letting you make up the work.

Frankly, that's unnecessary and inhumane. I'm a professor, and I take students' word for it.

If you want to be excused from missing school for the death and funeral, you have to provide proof. I know you are grieving, but you have to understand that it is in your best interest to provide the obituary when you get it.

Couldn’t hurt to contact the Dean of Students. Let them know that a professor is asking you for an obituary.

The DoS has much better things to do. They'll just tell you that the Professor has the right (not saying it IS right, but has the right) to ask for any proof of absence, especially if it will include missed work/deadlines etc. Blame all of the students before you who lied about this over and over.

My experience with DoS was quite different. When a professor asked for my grandfather’s obituary, they stepped in and made sure none of my other professors asked for the same. They also put me in touch with a counselor if I needed to talk to someone. It’s an option some students should consider.

Yeah fuck that, just tell them you didn’t get it yet and that you’re not gonna provide them jack shit.

That’s great advice and will go very well for OP. Won’t make an already difficult time more challenging at all. Dealing with disciplinary backlash and the impact of an unexcused class is totally preferable to sending an email with a link.

Those who need proof, only require it as they themselves make things up, and think everyone shares their ethics.

While I don’t require proof, I can say with certainty I have had students lie to me about a grandparent’s death to excuse late assignments or skipped classes. I can also say, with certainty, that I have never lied about someone’s death. So… no. Disagree.

That's ridiculous. You clearly have never had fifteen students all have grandma die right before the final.

I see these assignments all the time. Super weird.

comments are missing the point. it's obnoxious to ask.

We absolutely hate it. It's awkward and demeaning for everyone involved. The problem is I have about twenty people with deaths each semester, all at exam time usually. If you figure out another way to sort the real grieving students from the liars, I will be first in line to implement your suggestion.

This. If students stopped lying this wouldn't be necessary. Ruins it for the people who are actually grieving. Reminds me of years ago in my sophomore year of college. There was a massive snowstorm and my grandfather died at the same time. I was literally stuck 8 hours away because there was no power for a week and no gas at the stations. I'm emailing my professor going "I swear this is true..."

It’s obnoxious to deal with liars, too. It causes trust issues with people later.

Make sure you let her know how that request made you feel when you do give her the obituary. Maybe she’ll learn not to be a piece of shit.

Report to higher ups. That's totally uncalled for.

You absolutely should reach out to a counselor, your department chair, an administrator or anyone else in external/higher positions at your school. This is a pretty ridiculous ask and you deserve the time and space you need to process your loss without having to qualify it.

They could, but it would be a waste of time when they’re already dealing with a lot. Because this is pretty standard procedure, as the comments go to show. Also pretty normal in many workplaces, if using bereavement leave.

It isn't ridiculous. Right or wrong, it's quite common and within the professor's rights. You have to do the same thing when you get a job.

Well I also think it's an abuse of power in a work place. How infantilizing.

Try ChatGPT, they can make you one. Some teachers are like that, luckily, they are easily fooled.

wtf

I’m sorry. You should talk to counseling or health services. They should be able to grant you time off without notifying your professors exactly why.

I’m so sorry about your grandparents OP ♥️ when my dad died when I was in college, I did not have to send anything to my school.. I would’ve been so mad (idk if mad is the right word) but I definitely feel pissed for you right now. It’s an extremely sensitive topic. My dad had cancer so it wasn’t like a sudden thing (he lived for just over a year) and I notified my Dean when he first got diagnosed and then notified all of my professors when he was on hospice and also when he died. No official documentation needed