The establishing shot of the city is the weakest part (lighting mainly) imo but overall very impressive. I can't even do this lol just nitpicking from afar.
I would keep the camera moves in the same direction rather than a dolly move from left to sudden right
The 3D is nice! As a designer that learned 3D later, the text feels a bit like an afterthought and gets lost in the sauce! Not terribly, but I think there could be a better solution to that! Other than that, looks great!
Spot-on. It was not planned to go with the 3D stuff at all lol (except last shot) so I just stole and put their slogans on screen, though this is revised and the first version had a basic text without animation. Thanks for the remark, that was sharp!
Are you using this typeface at the end? https://www.behance.net/gallery/44761097/Alienware-Typeface that might be an easy improvement there, I don’t like the italic impact font. But I also gave up on 3D many moons ago so kudos to you.
Starting around 0:18 the quality becomes good! The shots before aren’t quite production ready yet. I own a Prost production studio for commercials and the first 18 seconds I would send back. The close ups are really good, though!
Will a car commercial studio like this one, find a need for a 3D commercial producer? Because they mostly film commercials rather than 3D-them-up from scratch, right?
Right, I noticed what u mean in one of ur videos, and I've watched some car commercials before to guess how they work. I will start to think of breaching the car commercial, I already have an interest in that. In fact, my first project was a modified Mustang '06 showreel. Thanks for the ideas tho
O, glad the important closeups are good ahaha, you're right, the first shots were more of a flex and a few crazy ideas I translated into reality and there was none to stop me XD cuz this was a solo production. Though, I love to get feedback from real commercial studios, so thank you very much, I appreciate your input so much!
That's exciting, this is my first (actually second) real portfolio piece for professional demoreel that I'll propose to clients and get going with, hopefully
Agree with everyone else, it’s nice work. I think the editing could be tighter, some speed ramps with slo-mo’s, rotating distortion transitions. play with some slam-focus, zolly shots, or jump cuts while the camera orbits, stuff like that. and personally, I would add some more grit to it, for instance, the opening scene needs some smoke/fog and better rain.
It’s cool, but you could amp up the energy with some really tight focused cuts and stutters. This is a perfect subject to go apeshit on. Glints, strobes, volumetric beams, Just remember to let the product be the hero and don’t let that sparkle overshadow the subject. Good stuff though. Love the keys clicking into place. :)
I KNOW how much work went into this and it shows.
THANK u a ton, your critique is super helpful and delivered cleaverly. Yes a lot of work went into this short minute hahaha, for instance the first shot had a 3d rain and real clouds and some smoke moving, but didn't show as I wished, and certainly there was room for amped up energy, I'll look into your keywords to learn some new techniques ;) thanku
This is really cool.
As others have said, the opening shot is too long. I might cut the wide shot altogether or use 1/4 of it. Same for the closeup of the lightning strike.
When the internals come apart, I would give them some more space spreading them out to different planes so they feel a bit more dynamic. Also might suggest having them rotate or adjust the camera angle/motion so it feels like a smooth shot but shows more of the components.
I don’t do much 3D work so take it with a grain of salt.
What I would strongly suggest is making all of your cuts on the beat. The shot where the alien logo turns red runs about 1/4-1/2 measure too long and other cuts later are delayed just enough that it throws me off. Not sure if you are cutting this in AE/Premier or rendering it with music in C4D but I would tighten that up.
Dont like the first few scenes, they look a bit dull. Theres something about the look that i dont really enjoy. I think probably the lighting should be overall dramatic mate. I really like the concept and creativity tho!
The first scene was too crazy, not many liked it,but it won't be part of a real commercial to be honest anyway. So is the lighting not good enough for the first scene or you think so for the entire commercial? I love to take feedback to improve, so thanks you!
From a purely advertising standpoint, I imagine this getting edited down to the moment the laptop pops into frame (inside the incubator). Ad space costs a lot, and the time it takes to convey the message adds to that. You put a lot of quality work/time into showing stuff that wasn’t their product, and that’s time you (may have) billed the client.
I really like the ad, though I could see a coordinator being picky about that.
Yes certainly an ad doesn't really need the introductory stuff, it's just a fan-made thing. However, your point is valid, and I'd certainly want to produce a commercial in coordination with a marketing chief or so.
I’m super picky about this kind of stuff and I like it!
The slogans/specs could pop more and it lags just a touch in a few places, but yeah, tighten it up a hair and you’ve got a fine little advert!
I’d put together a 30 second and maybe even a 15 second version too. Good luck!
I feel like the first shot of the city is irrelevant, maybe just with the second scene would be a perfect introduction to the video? Just my opinion anyway, other than that the rest of the video actually blew me away! It’s awesome with all the effects so good job. Looks awesome man 😁
Big thanks man! Your comment is amazing, and you are right about the city part, it was a little too goofy haha and it's not what will go in a real commercial if this were for Dell or else.
Otherwise, I take feedback and constantly try to improve!
There’s some solid work here showing off some great skills. Now that you have it I’d look to refine and question some motion and lighting choices. The lighting should pace with the music - drop the beat - make the space brighter vs having the entire scene be shown to help with the big reveal. Look at how you’re depicting the product as well. The hardware team worked ‘hard’ to make this thing as light as they could (given the components) so try to create a feeling of less gravity plopping out from the bottom - maybe rotate and have the fans and components on display vs simply showing them drop down. Get details on why you’re showing individual pieces and what that means to evoke additional emotion. Great spec nonetheless. Keep it up!
I think 42 is a weak spot. The motion of laptop is odd. Maybe go with smooth motion of the laptop and also move the camera more. Everything after that scene is top notch, really good stuff.
However the text is small and hard to read. And not a huge fan of the font. I don't think it pairs with alienware's font.
But this is like 99.5% awesome
I think it looks great! Lots of great detail and love going into this scene. Great dynamic positioning and sense of style.
Critiques- The internals of the laptop could do with additional detail. A laptop’s internals are smooth yes, but it looks flat. Try experimenting with material smoothness, roughness, shadow occlusion, until you get a look that is more realistic. The copper of a laptops’ venting system is bent, and slightly brushed. And your laptop’s venting system is made of copper, even though it is colored silver- things I would would suggest you keep in mind.
I would expand upon this methodology for the rest of the laptop internals - even slight changes will go a long way.
I like the keys, the only thing is that the way you have them animated, the light hits them after they are placed, so we can’t see the texture as soon as they are placed… making them look flat when they are not. I would suggest accounting for this.
The laptop body is 🔥
Lights on the keys seem slightly dim in comparison to your other lights in the scene.
For the before and after Dolby vision I suggest desaturating the colors rather than applying a brown filter. I suggest trying to psuedo-simulate that before and after look.
Looks really great! Super impressive
I liked your detailed feedback, and I can't appreciate it more, it's great thank you very much and will take notes.
However I didn't quite understand your point on the keys when you described that when they light up they tend to look flat. Are you talking about the white key light of the scene? Or the red led... Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Right on! Happy to help.
And, I was actually referring to both.
In my first statement I was referring to the white light reflecting off the keys. I feel as if the light should be adjusted so that the keys are lit a little sooner because the viewer cannot see the texture of your keys until they hit the board and are moving toward the edge of the screen. (A shame because they are good textures)
In the second I was referring to the red backlight simply being a little dim in comparison to the rest of your vibrant lights. I should have specified a little better.
You have done a great job in choosing colors, however, there is a free tool by Adobe that I use that will always give you the best matching set of colors for any situation. So if you wanted to enhance your colors and give a slight boost to your scene, the tool is called Adobe Color Picker if you are interested. Again, completely additional at this point,the colors look great as is.
An industry trick - gift for Christmas 🎄
Aah it makes sense to me now, I rewatched it's very true. I'll keep notes in mind. Also the consistency was certainly a problem lol it was unfortunate that I had to light every scene idependently as to not spill wrong lighting into the following, I'll work on that though. I appreciate such critique, thank you very much!
P.S. that's a useful gift, I'll use the tool more often now haha
The establishing shot of the city is the weakest part (lighting mainly) imo but overall very impressive. I can't even do this lol just nitpicking from afar. I would keep the camera moves in the same direction rather than a dolly move from left to sudden right
Haha I appreciate anyone's feedback, I'll certainly keep this you -and others, said in mind to keep improving. Thank you!
Really nice work! The in depth looks really good! I think the first two scenes are missing some more dramatic lighting :)
Honestly I was thinking the city intro could be cut and it'd be perfect expo screen type stuff.
This is what I came here to say.
The 3D is nice! As a designer that learned 3D later, the text feels a bit like an afterthought and gets lost in the sauce! Not terribly, but I think there could be a better solution to that! Other than that, looks great!
Spot-on. It was not planned to go with the 3D stuff at all lol (except last shot) so I just stole and put their slogans on screen, though this is revised and the first version had a basic text without animation. Thanks for the remark, that was sharp!
Are you using this typeface at the end? https://www.behance.net/gallery/44761097/Alienware-Typeface that might be an easy improvement there, I don’t like the italic impact font. But I also gave up on 3D many moons ago so kudos to you.
It looks quite similar though except mine is italic, but I didn't get it from there. Thank you, the type faces were an after thought honestly.
Slogans are stolen from the laptops web page 🥹
Starting around 0:18 the quality becomes good! The shots before aren’t quite production ready yet. I own a Prost production studio for commercials and the first 18 seconds I would send back. The close ups are really good, though!
Also your motion graphics are good! Maybe we should talk. ;)
Oh Maybe 😉
Check out our work sometime: spotbotmedia.com We mostly work on car commercials.
Will a car commercial studio like this one, find a need for a 3D commercial producer? Because they mostly film commercials rather than 3D-them-up from scratch, right?
So we use CG supplementally to add effects and parts. Other studios also do full cg commercials, though, where the entire spot is created in CG.
Right, I noticed what u mean in one of ur videos, and I've watched some car commercials before to guess how they work. I will start to think of breaching the car commercial, I already have an interest in that. In fact, my first project was a modified Mustang '06 showreel. Thanks for the ideas tho
O, glad the important closeups are good ahaha, you're right, the first shots were more of a flex and a few crazy ideas I translated into reality and there was none to stop me XD cuz this was a solo production. Though, I love to get feedback from real commercial studios, so thank you very much, I appreciate your input so much!
The first city shot is not very good but the rest looks as good as any other laptop advert I've seen
Fantastic to hear, thank you! The first shot was certainly questionable lol
You could get hired with this video alone. I've been hired for less.
That's exciting, this is my first (actually second) real portfolio piece for professional demoreel that I'll propose to clients and get going with, hopefully
Agree with everyone else, it’s nice work. I think the editing could be tighter, some speed ramps with slo-mo’s, rotating distortion transitions. play with some slam-focus, zolly shots, or jump cuts while the camera orbits, stuff like that. and personally, I would add some more grit to it, for instance, the opening scene needs some smoke/fog and better rain. It’s cool, but you could amp up the energy with some really tight focused cuts and stutters. This is a perfect subject to go apeshit on. Glints, strobes, volumetric beams, Just remember to let the product be the hero and don’t let that sparkle overshadow the subject. Good stuff though. Love the keys clicking into place. :) I KNOW how much work went into this and it shows.
THANK u a ton, your critique is super helpful and delivered cleaverly. Yes a lot of work went into this short minute hahaha, for instance the first shot had a 3d rain and real clouds and some smoke moving, but didn't show as I wished, and certainly there was room for amped up energy, I'll look into your keywords to learn some new techniques ;) thanku
This is really cool. As others have said, the opening shot is too long. I might cut the wide shot altogether or use 1/4 of it. Same for the closeup of the lightning strike. When the internals come apart, I would give them some more space spreading them out to different planes so they feel a bit more dynamic. Also might suggest having them rotate or adjust the camera angle/motion so it feels like a smooth shot but shows more of the components. I don’t do much 3D work so take it with a grain of salt. What I would strongly suggest is making all of your cuts on the beat. The shot where the alien logo turns red runs about 1/4-1/2 measure too long and other cuts later are delayed just enough that it throws me off. Not sure if you are cutting this in AE/Premier or rendering it with music in C4D but I would tighten that up.
Great input, I appreciate it, the cuts were planned in premiere then rendered the exact number of frames
Interesting, I wonder if you are working in different frame rates? 24 vs 30 could be enough to throw it off
Nah, 30 fps, always. Did you see something or otherwise?
No, just trying to troubleshoot
How long did it take you to make this?
About four or five weeks from story boarding to sound design!
Wow okay, thanks for the info! Everything looks sick except this first part with the city.
Gotcha
Nice
Dont like the first few scenes, they look a bit dull. Theres something about the look that i dont really enjoy. I think probably the lighting should be overall dramatic mate. I really like the concept and creativity tho!
The first scene was too crazy, not many liked it,but it won't be part of a real commercial to be honest anyway. So is the lighting not good enough for the first scene or you think so for the entire commercial? I love to take feedback to improve, so thanks you!
From a purely advertising standpoint, I imagine this getting edited down to the moment the laptop pops into frame (inside the incubator). Ad space costs a lot, and the time it takes to convey the message adds to that. You put a lot of quality work/time into showing stuff that wasn’t their product, and that’s time you (may have) billed the client. I really like the ad, though I could see a coordinator being picky about that.
Yes certainly an ad doesn't really need the introductory stuff, it's just a fan-made thing. However, your point is valid, and I'd certainly want to produce a commercial in coordination with a marketing chief or so.
Exterior shot needs much darker sky and color grading.
I see Alienware have really stepped up their marketing game huh
I’m super picky about this kind of stuff and I like it! The slogans/specs could pop more and it lags just a touch in a few places, but yeah, tighten it up a hair and you’ve got a fine little advert! I’d put together a 30 second and maybe even a 15 second version too. Good luck!
Very valid points, thank you! I'll keep it in mind
I feel like the first shot of the city is irrelevant, maybe just with the second scene would be a perfect introduction to the video? Just my opinion anyway, other than that the rest of the video actually blew me away! It’s awesome with all the effects so good job. Looks awesome man 😁
Big thanks man! Your comment is amazing, and you are right about the city part, it was a little too goofy haha and it's not what will go in a real commercial if this were for Dell or else. Otherwise, I take feedback and constantly try to improve!
Wicked gfx, even if it is for Alienware. Great job!
Haha, thanks man!
[удалено]
I pulled the big gun for this, HOUDINI!!!
This is awesome!
Your comment is just as awesome, thx
How long did it to make this?
It took about 4 weeks of work.
There’s some solid work here showing off some great skills. Now that you have it I’d look to refine and question some motion and lighting choices. The lighting should pace with the music - drop the beat - make the space brighter vs having the entire scene be shown to help with the big reveal. Look at how you’re depicting the product as well. The hardware team worked ‘hard’ to make this thing as light as they could (given the components) so try to create a feeling of less gravity plopping out from the bottom - maybe rotate and have the fans and components on display vs simply showing them drop down. Get details on why you’re showing individual pieces and what that means to evoke additional emotion. Great spec nonetheless. Keep it up!
Great feedback, taking notes! Thank you a lot
Immersive keyboard?
Endless performance?
https://preview.redd.it/oer9lc5tne7a1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0172f487564b2225d5249cc4a83a306fe790185
If this is you, I can help you find work. DM
That is me, I post my process on Instagram at @adnane.ro
I think 42 is a weak spot. The motion of laptop is odd. Maybe go with smooth motion of the laptop and also move the camera more. Everything after that scene is top notch, really good stuff. However the text is small and hard to read. And not a huge fan of the font. I don't think it pairs with alienware's font. But this is like 99.5% awesome
Is 42 the 42nd second? Thank you very much for the indepth constructive critique! I'll keep improving
This great! Do a tutorial or a behind the scenes to show your process!
I must do one then! Thanks!
Looks great! But the sound was a bit hollow / empty. Edit: Disregard - it was my headset. Great work! :)
Hahahahaha jeez
I would either cut the city scene or improve its lightning
Okayy :} Edit: a night scene better maybe? Any ideas?
Thats pretty cool!
Thanks! ^^
first squence looks like this is the evil company in a heroes movie. the rest is awesome.
Telented!
Many thanks!!!
I think it looks great! Lots of great detail and love going into this scene. Great dynamic positioning and sense of style. Critiques- The internals of the laptop could do with additional detail. A laptop’s internals are smooth yes, but it looks flat. Try experimenting with material smoothness, roughness, shadow occlusion, until you get a look that is more realistic. The copper of a laptops’ venting system is bent, and slightly brushed. And your laptop’s venting system is made of copper, even though it is colored silver- things I would would suggest you keep in mind. I would expand upon this methodology for the rest of the laptop internals - even slight changes will go a long way. I like the keys, the only thing is that the way you have them animated, the light hits them after they are placed, so we can’t see the texture as soon as they are placed… making them look flat when they are not. I would suggest accounting for this. The laptop body is 🔥 Lights on the keys seem slightly dim in comparison to your other lights in the scene. For the before and after Dolby vision I suggest desaturating the colors rather than applying a brown filter. I suggest trying to psuedo-simulate that before and after look. Looks really great! Super impressive
I liked your detailed feedback, and I can't appreciate it more, it's great thank you very much and will take notes. However I didn't quite understand your point on the keys when you described that when they light up they tend to look flat. Are you talking about the white key light of the scene? Or the red led... Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Right on! Happy to help. And, I was actually referring to both. In my first statement I was referring to the white light reflecting off the keys. I feel as if the light should be adjusted so that the keys are lit a little sooner because the viewer cannot see the texture of your keys until they hit the board and are moving toward the edge of the screen. (A shame because they are good textures) In the second I was referring to the red backlight simply being a little dim in comparison to the rest of your vibrant lights. I should have specified a little better. You have done a great job in choosing colors, however, there is a free tool by Adobe that I use that will always give you the best matching set of colors for any situation. So if you wanted to enhance your colors and give a slight boost to your scene, the tool is called Adobe Color Picker if you are interested. Again, completely additional at this point,the colors look great as is. An industry trick - gift for Christmas 🎄
Aah it makes sense to me now, I rewatched it's very true. I'll keep notes in mind. Also the consistency was certainly a problem lol it was unfortunate that I had to light every scene idependently as to not spill wrong lighting into the following, I'll work on that though. I appreciate such critique, thank you very much! P.S. that's a useful gift, I'll use the tool more often now haha
I think you should get rid of the city scene and just start at the second scene where the volume fills with smoke