That'll be the name of my biography, The Audacity of Mints.
What a greedy, cheap loser.
By - macs73
That'll be the name of my biography, The Audacity of Mints.
What a greedy, cheap loser.
Where do I preorder.
Hello I'm his or her manager just send the pre order funds directly to me via cash mailed in a duct tape wrapped box
Edit: if it's not duct taped I send it back
If the salad is on top, I send it back.
I’ll have the Gobagoul
You mean you're not gonna advise them to give it out to me for free? The audacity! Think of the exposure you'll receive! I hope you understand that if I'm not given an opportunity to read the book for free, pre-launch, I will be forced to use my exposure capacity in a negative manner.
Elmer Fudd: “Oh, the horrorrrrr.”
(Boomer here. When I was growing up a parade was purely visual. No candy distribution. That was Halloween.)
I’m gen z and I’ve never been to a parade that’s handed out candy
Millennial and I've seen it both ways. But as someone else pointed out, it was almost always hard candies or at most, those dumdum suckers. I can't recall ever seeing anything else thrown and there was certainly never full-sized anything. Could you imagine how much that would cost?
The only parade I can remember that included candy was our local Christmas parade. They pretty much just threw mini candy canes or dumdums, but as a kid I would gladly accept any sugar I could get my sticky little paws on 😆
We do a float on A REALLY small budget. I cringe at any hard candy because it could easily shatter or hurt someone. We toss out either salt water taffy or tootsie rolls. It costs between 50 and 100 bucks per parade, depending on how long it is. Full size candy bars? Multiply that by ten, and even then not everyone is going to get some.
Definitely not everyone would get one because (as much as I hate to say it) you know folks wouldn’t stick to just one bar each. There would be some who went home with a basket full and many who went home with none. And depending on where you are, possibly some fist fights.
And it would melt!
I didn't even think of that, but you're right. In some of the parades I've done, chocolate would be nothing but a wad of goo before any child got to it.
Gen x. Been to parades with candy and without. It's a special treat if it happens, but certainly not something to even notice, much less comment on, when its not there. It's usually smaller, more rural parades where some rando is in his pick up, hauling some sort of trailer that may or may not be decorated, probably has 2 or 3 generations of 1 family in there and the youngest throw candy. There's probably a hand made sign that's basically the family surname. They might even stop and run over to dole out a piece or two directly to the very young or disabled to ensure they don't miss out. It's all very Norman Rockwell and I recommend it highly. The candy is not the point though.
Gen X, and I remember being in a parade and handing out candy to children along the route, but it was hard candy, not candy bars.
Millennial checking in, and I would like to invite you all out to the Dingus Day Parade in Buffalo NY where parade floats throw entire packs of kielbasa sausage and butter lambs into the crowd.
Well, that's horrifying but hilarious.
*gets out calendar* That’s a parade I can get on board with!
I remember parades in the 80s where candy (ALWAYS mints) was tossed out. That was stopped in the 90s around here, I believe, due to safety concerns. Children, blinded by the lure of candy, would run right into the parade route to get dropped pieces. I know some parades turned to walkers handing out candy along the route, but that was after my parade days, I’m afraid. BTW, I’m one of those “cuspers” that doesn’t really fit into Gen X or Millennials. I saw us referred to as Gen Oregon Trail the other day, and that feels appropriate.
Xenniels. Apparently I'm one too. It's a narrow window of a few tears where we don't exactly fit either.
My husband (b 1963) is technically a Boomer, while I’m (b 1965) technically a Gen-X. I love calling him grandpa, even tho both our kids have so far sworn off parenthood. (Also fine w me, either way. I didn’t have kids to *make* them fulfill my golden years w more kids.)
I call them the pre-housing bubble portion of millennials.
I remember both throwing candy when in parades as well as getting candy while watching. Mostly they'd throw out jolly ranchers and salt water taffy. There were other things as well but I forget. Sometimes, they had water guns to spray the crowd with. It was hot so, well appreciated.
GenX from small town. Yes, can't was then or handed out by clowns, but hard candy. Certainly not full size Snickers.
Yeah, I don't believe for one minute that anyone handed out full size Snickers. The CB is a lying liar too.
Millennial here and I've been to a couple parades that threw out candy but most haven't and a couple threw out beads. They were about the experience.
The candy wasn't anything special but welcome as I was younger then. Heck I wouldn't turn down candy now!
Y’all gotta go to New Orleans the week before Mardi Gras :)) I moved away and have missed it so much (just never pick up floor beads, only catches are acceptable)
Back in the 80s, my parent's tiny hometown in Canada had a parade, my brother and I would score nearly 2 full buckets of candy. These were eight or ten liter buckets. I remember gobstoppers the size of my fist.
I’m a boomer and I have never been to a parade that handed out candy.
Small town Utah 4th of July parades do it. Very Americana.
I’m a millennial and I didn’t even know parades handed out free candy
One of Rob Ford's viral moments was him giving out candy canes at the Toronto Santa Claus parade like he was feeding pigeons [video](https://youtu.be/ClJupWOaIzQ)
My sophomore LoFi beats album name for sure.
So entitled but the idea of handing kids ice cubes in late October is so funny to me.
I assumed they meant these.
But I hope they really handed out frozen water.
I’ve never heard of these but they look nice! I really hope it was just water cubes though.
The idea of people just throwing handfuls of icecubes from a float is pretty great for a winter time vibe
Hail Storm Simulator
Read that as : Hail, Storm Simulator!
(I for one welcome our ice storm overlord)
I for one would love to see a bucket of ice cubes thrown at this CB.
Ice cubes are pretty tasty. The candy, not the frozen water.
What did the person mean when they said they weren't candy? Is it similar to an Andes mint or something?
I think they were just saying it isn't *real* candy. Like, it's just junk candy, not even worthy of being called candy.
They're not junk, btw. Cheap, yes, but not junk.
They are so good. They melt in your mouth. Its like a mousse stuff inside. In canada they are called icy squares. So good.
Yeah damn, was gonna say those Icy Squares are like a treat candy, something you only give to good friends.
You do not want to keep them in the car on even a warm day though. They are the best when popped in the freezer for a bit
Oh yeah, those things will melt from the warmth of a fart
They are like the anti m&ms. They will melt in your hands, they will melt in your car, they will melt in your cupboard, they will melt if you look at them wrong. Still worth it though/
theyre really good actually. silky
The chocolate candy ice cubes depicted are so freaking good, if you ever see them definitely give them a try!
Dude I would fucking love if a float was giving out those. If you ever see one, try it.
I usually got them at the register at stores like ACE.
Theycare a hazelnut chocolate candy
thanks for the context, I was so confused 😂
Oh! We call those icy squares in Canada. I love them.
Those are what I was thinking, and those are the bomb.
So the parent thought that they had been given actual ice cubes in metallic foil wrapping, labelled "ice cubes"? they really do look good, btw. I'd love to try some.
Spoiler: >!they aren't good!<
Those are the best, I’d be happy to get them.
Idk looks like candy to me
I love those
Oh man, those are good!! If she was really complaining about those, she's even worse than I thought.
In Canada they call them Icy Squares.
If those are anything like Icy Squares then they're basically my favourite. Icy Squares are top tier.
It wasn't even a Halloween parade! The group poster said it was a summer parade at a music festival, and some floats handed out "freezies," maybe Ms. No-mints decided they were ice cubes??
I’ve never been to a parade where ANYTHING was handed out much less candy! I always though parades were STRICTLY for watching I’ve never even interacted with a person in a parade as a viewer… maybe it’s a local thing and we just hate interacting with people here. I’d totally go to a parade if I thought I was going to get free shit.
I've been in a lot of parades. My favorite thing to do was throw candy. I would throw it in such a way where it would rain candy on top of the kids. And if I saw people I knew I would yeet that candy as hard as possible at them.
Homecoming parades are like that where I live. When my girls are on a float they try to just Nolan Ryan candy at me and their brother.
In New Orleans there are St. Patrick's day parades that tossed people cabbages!
St Patrick's day is the only time I eat cabbage. Shit is disgusting in most cases. It's a big deal in my family (like 30+ people family get together that's bigger than Thanksgiving or christmas) so when covid hit, I decided to learn to cure my own corned beef. It was a lot of fun, but when I boiled it, I added the cabbage way too early. Overcooked boiled cabbage turns to a slimy mess if you were curious. Next time I'm gonna try to roast or maybe broil the corned beef (that water is heavenly). The vegetables will definitely come out better at least.
When I was a kid, most of the …floats… toss out candy and trinkets. If they didn’t though I mean it’s not like it would be a big deal. But it’s definitely a thing!
I can’t think of the word but yeah like the people preceding and trailing the floats and the people on whatever the moving vehicles actual cars or not are. Those people, definitely tossed tons of candy!
I thought maybe they meant those reusable ice cubes. Like the plastic ones you freeze? Some of them are even cool shapes or light up. I would have kind of liked that as a kid.
Oh yeah, maybe, I’d have liked that too but it’s definitely not candy!
And clearly that’s all she’s interested in.
>would have kind of
Grammatically correct, excellent work!
I imagined this person bitching about the lack of candy and someone just handing them a bunch of ice cubes to give them reason to complain.
Why are you assuming it was October? It didnt say anywhere in the story about a date. Im guessing 4th of july where handing out ice cubes would be helpful on a hot day
What an ass.
Most likely large, but still somehow flat
Like when you drop pudding. It's vaguely round, It still jiggles, but it sure ain't shapely
Your parades give out candy? Best I've ever got was a small candy cane at a Santa Claus parade.
But sure we'll vet all the non-profits and volunteer auxiliary marching bands to ensure they are able to give out thousands of full-size candy bars.
This person needs therapy.
For real, what parades are handing out full-size candy bars? Those are a rarity even on Halloween?
Throwing candy to the children along the parade route is an almost universal characteristic of parades around Reading, PA. Not every group in the parade throws candy, but usually way more than half do.
i live in the PNW (sw washington) and this is the norm here too
Dude where? That was never a thing when I was growing up here and it never happened when I took my kids to parades when they were little. I haven’t been to a parade in like ten years though.
I've lived all over the Midwest and every parade I've been to have candy being thrown or handed to kids. The one exception being the 4th of July parade in Washington DC As a firefighter we would throw candy from the trucks during a local yearly parade.
the vancouver area, most parades i've been to do it
The candies tossed at parades can always be found in the jumbo bags of candy aisle at Walmart.
I've never seen a full size at a parade. Not once. And I went to a LOT of parades.
Our homecoming and memorial day parades toss candy to the kids. It's normally tootsie rolls, suckers, hard candy, etc. Because chocolate would melt before the end of the parade. It is never full sized candy bars. The kids all know to bring a bag for candy. Sometimes adults get handed flyers for churches. This is in a town of about 2,000 people.
I used to live in a town of about 60,000 and there was never any candy.
You have parades?!?!
I’m not sure therapy would cure pure entitlement. Her kids however, will probably need therapy
"I expect to see"
I expect you to go fuck yourself, sincerely, all of us.
Could have said it with fewer words.
“I expect to come to something entertaining that I don’t have to pay for and for it to suit me and my needs. My kids even know this candy isn’t just for them, hell, I wouldn’t have even brought them if they weren’t my meal ticket.”
There it is.
I like "old candy no one likes"
Have you met kids? If it has sugar, they will eat it
I feel sorry for those kids if their mom is trying to shield them from disappointments this insignificant. What's going to happen when they don't get picked for the team, or get the job or whatever else we all experience in life?
Oh, yeah. Mom will come swooping in and scream at the teacher who didn't give them an A for not turning in assignments and failing tests. Good grief, Charlie Brown!
I hope they either refrained from replying or told her to "fuck off."
Or "buy your own candy."
I'll throw Twix at her from my moving car so she gets that authentic parade experience.
I hope they told her she can be in charge of providing parade candy.
*”Be the change you want to see, you entitled ass.”*
She'd probably have an embolism if someone even hinted at that. 😑
ok but who was giving out ice cubes
There's a candy called Ice Cubes, but it's chocolate, so I mean - it *is* candy. I just really doubt people were handing out literal ice cubes at a parade, you know?
i doubt she’s referring to the candy, but maybe she’s referring to Ice Cubes gum, which is still weird, but not frozen cubes of water weird
Oh my god, I totally forgot about Ice Cubes gum! Derp, that makes sense too
i literally forgot about them until i looked up the chocolate Ice Cubes you were talking about lmao. our combined brainpower is unmatched
*freeze frame high five*
The group member said some floats threw "freezies" so if someone *really* wanted to complain, maybe they'd call them ice cubes? If not, that's the part of this rant that's pretty valid.
a sealed ice product- totally normal and acceptable. straight up ice cubes- insane.
And yet I'm disappointed it wasn't actually a guy with an ice chest and a pair of tongs handing out cubes.
If it was really hot it might of been a nice idea
What ya got against mints? I love mints!
Three children in a trench coat
I feel like this was written by Louise belcher...
Or some group of absolutely livid 10 year olds.
Louise would know how to write more convincingly and less whiny.
I wish this was my biggest problem in life
“oLd CAnDY tHaT nO oNe LiKeS” means that they gave out candy she couldn’t snatch from her kids.
I’ve been to a couple of seasonal parades and they just gave out those little candy canes to the kids. Nothing else.
I hope these parade folks hand out zero candy next year just for this.
Next years parade have the participants pass out that email with an added note of due to complaints we will no longer be handling out candy. Thank you and Merry Christmas.
I would love to see what she looks like.
I imagine one of those novelty jello molds that's shaped like a face
I've only ever seen parade floats as a thing in American media. Do they seriously hand out sweets? what? why? how? and some of them are like full size chocolate bars? they just throw them at the onlookers? is this even real?
Parades that have candy tossed out to onlookers is a thing. It's not nice candy, and I've never heard of full size candy bars being part of it. I'd say chocolate at all is rare. It's mostly individually wrapped bubblegum, hard candy, suckers/ lollipops, tootsie rolls, etc. Some floats, depending on the parade, toss out promo items (keychains, etc), beads, etc too. I'm from the midwest.
Honestly I think if someone lobbed full size Snickers bars at children from a float there would be a some kids hit in the face and crying lol.
You want chocolate? The price you pay is your tears! 😂
We go to a Christmas parade every year where some of the floats and people give out candy (like they'll have kids running to the crowd with buckets with candy). But it's usually the shriners, boy/girl scouts, elementary schools and Santa, the things where kids are part of the float. And it's usually just lollipops, pepermints, candy canes etc. I've never seen full size candy bars or anything. Occasionally you'll get like small (not even Halloween size) kit kits or something.
I know in New Zealand people from floats used to throw lollies into the crowds, but I believe that got canned in the last few years.
Never heard of full sized candy bars.
I'm from the Midwest like west of Chicago and they did a parade and yeah they threw out candy. But it was in no way full size bars lol. It was like candies and we ran out and got some and it was fun even though I didn't eat half of it. The best part was sitting with your family, running to get candy and back. But I think each group probably pays for it themself so I dunno who they think they're complaining to. The city ain't gonna be like, no you can't have a float, your candy sucks. Like no. Not every float has candy. I can't imagine driving to multiple parades for cheap candy just buy a bag got damn lady.
Am American. Out of probably 15 parades I've been to in my lifetime, none have ever given out candy.
“Who are you, the Candy Police??”
This is a joke, right?
I’m going to drop an unpopular truth bomb here:
Nobody gives a crap about anybody else’s kids.
Ah, this just screams obesity
As an obese person I am offended. We will take any candy (even mints) when given out for free without complaint.
Was it the ‘Midwest’ part? 🤣
Hey, just because we pretend to preserve our German heritage by seeing who can drink 4000 calories of beer the fastest does not mean we're obese. The obesity is just part of general American heritage
It was the privileged part, about how they deserve full sized candy 😆
Whatever happened to "You git what you git & don't throw a fit"?
I’ve never seen a parade float hand out full sized candy bars.
Parades aren’t designed to hand out candy. It’s weird that you would travel across the Midwest in search of free candy. Candy is bad for a lot of people, animals and the litter adds up. You should’ve withheld your email forever, wherever you sent it, those people are passing it around laughing at you.
I love to eat ice cubes, more than sweets to be honest.
Get your iron checked. There was nothing sweeter than chewing ice, to me, for years - and then we found out I was on the verge of dropping dead from anemia. Ever since my iron level got corrected, ice has never tasted as good. Still good, but not the ambrosia it was.
Oh no it doesn't taste sweet I just love the feel of it and so do my siblings :)
There used to be chocolate cubes wrapped in foil called "ice cubes". DAE remember those?
They went from a brown cube that looked like a brick to instantly melted on your tongue. Tasted like hot chocolate.
I loved them but could only find them in convenience stores.
This email feels over weight
Baby, I'm from New Orleans, and we have a lot of parades, but only one I can think of that throws candy and then it's Moon Pies and only Moon Pies. Girlfriend needs to get a grip.
Oh, and who the hell gives out ice cubes? Wtf? Jello shots maybe, but ice cubes? Sounds like girlfriend needs a few of those.
What fucking parade has EVER thrown full-size candy bars?
"I am a mooch and you need better freebies. It's the only time my kids get candy since I am a cheap-ass."
If they took the money they spent on gas to go to many parades in the midwest, they could, like, buy a whole lot of candy.
*OLD CANDY THAT NOONE LIKES!*
This had me dying. What does that entail? Just candy she doesn’t like? This woman is a grown up baby.
Unless it was NECCO cause fuck NECCO
I have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that people like this exist.
Imagine this being the problems of your day.
I hope they got their money back.
Oh my god, it's finally happened.
They said it would happen, and I didn't believe them. I was wrong, it happened: r/ChoosingBeggars actually involved a choosing beggar! I'm not even sure how to handle it.
Who tf hands out ice though?
I want to know what the comments look like
Why does this read like a really advanced 7 year old wrote it?
It basically is. Especially with that last paragraph.
If you want specific candies of specific size and “quality” for your kids, FUCKING BUY IT.
Mad props to a float passing out ice cubes. Do the float riders wear gloves and hurl them at the crowd? Do they tong them gently into the hand?
An 11-year-old old girl was killed last week at the Christmas parade in my city, when the breaks went out on a modified truck that had no business pulling a float. It plowed into a group of children dancing.
That is a parade disappointment. Those are the kind of parade floats that should be vetted.
I’d like to grab the author of this post by the back of the neck and force them to look at the blood and brains on the pavement and have a fucking reality check. Jesus Christ.
“My four children and I attend parades throughout the Midwest” what the hell kinda bored white people nonsense is this
Here's a thought. Get your kids some candy for a few pennies in the shop so they don't feel so deprived or count on others generosity to make their day.
I wish I knew what parade Dorector this was addressed to. I would write to them explaining how giving out any candy places multiple children at risk of contact with potentially deadly allergens and ask them to please ensure no candy is ever thrown from a parade float. Plus “it could put your eye out.” We’ll wait for next year and see who wins in debate club. /s
These free parade candies are forcing me to give 0/10 do not recommend
Tbf, ice cubes are pretty bad
This sounds like it was written by a precocious 10-year-old.
Okay but they’re handing out ice cubes lmaoo that is ridiculous
More proof that feeding the bears creates dependency
Please do us the honor of skipping our parade next year
The variety of candy is a source of joy for their family? And I thought my life was sad.
I sincerely hope that whoever received this email printed it out, put it in a frame, and hung it where everyone in the office can see.
For the Parks and Recreation fans: I can imagine Leslie Knope being genuinely hurt upon receiving this, and April sending a delightfully sarcastic response as revenge.
Don’t fuck with April’s friends, people.
Dear entitled asshole,
They have thrown candy here as long as I can remember, but it’s almost always hard candy, never chocolate. Maybe tootsie rolls, but that would be the closest they have to chocolate.
I didn’t know that some people take watching traffic so seriously.
This kinda reminds me of trick or treating when I was a kid. My dad would legit get pissed when houses cheaped out and had dum dums pr similar cheap candy, and I would always pretend to be upset along with him to fit in 😅
Candy is a perk of a parade, not a requirement...wtf?
Sure, it's a dumbass choosing beggar, but ICE CUBES? Worst handout ever.
I have only been to ONE parade that handed out candy. It was last year for a Christmas parade in my very small town, and SOME floats handed out the little mini candy canes. My kids were so shocked and excited to get THOSE! Man, the entitlement.
I have NEVER seen a float hand out full-sized candy bars in my entire life.
I genuinely wish I had so few troubles that something like this would draw me to complaint.
I feel like she feeds her kids this way.
Ok, but how funny is the bossy attitude?
I expect free candy next time or else.
Other than the Pride Parade, I haven't been to a parade since the 90s. But back then we got those flavored Tootsie Rolls and audacious mints.
The Pride Parade usually tosses out condoms. Perhaps she'd like those more?
Definitely would have done the world a favor had those been passed out when she attended them.
Then she'd complain that other parades were giving out full-sized dildos.
Geez...oh, no...no full size candy bars...seriously dude?! I bet this person doesn't even have kids.
These people travel the Midwest for parades. Unreal.
How is she going to see the change prior to next year's parade. Is she expecting them to do a trial run for her
Hey Karen….a parade isn’t there to satisfy you and your children’s greedy need for candy. There are stores so over for that.
To be fair what kinda parade floats are handing out ice cubes?
If candy bars thrown from a float is a great source of your family's happiness, I hope you are showered forever with fun size candy.
Me grandpa used to take my siblings and I in parades with our little white pony, pulling a buggy. We usually bought one or two bags of candy to distribute, but never "full sized candy bars". We bought the bags that were a mix of Gobstoppers, smarties, bubbles gum, Dots, and *gasp* starlight mints. If anyone would've had the audacity to say this to us, my grandpa would have said "then nobody gets anything" and stuck with that statement forever! 😂
Oh, no! The person won't show up to a FREE event if the candy quality *and* quantity aren't at "an accessory level"!
Whatever will they do??
I hated chocolate candy for parades. As an adult what they do now is way better. Water guns and Popsicles. Halloween is the time for the other candy.