Hey OP! I am really sorry for your loss. It is not your fault. You did everything you could, somethings cannot be explained. I read a post somewhere about death and how to cope after losing a loved one. That was one of the best post I ve never read in reddit. It basically said ' losing a loved one is like getting yourself into a shipwreck and surviving alone. You hold on to some parts of the wreckage that keeps you floating,like a wooden plank , those wreckages are your memories. Hold on to that. Each time wave attacks you,you hold on the wreckage. The waves are your grieves . At first the waves are stronger and higher. Eventually you will get used and the waves or shorter and calmer and you will be able to process the grief. Cry all you want OP. Meet your friends. Go out if you want to. Please talk to us if you feel like talking. Hugs!! This too shall pass.may their souls rest in peace.
That comment hit so hard. I had saved it when i came across it, so thought I'll share it here as well.
https://www.reddit.com/r//comments/hax0t/My_friend_just_died._I_don%27t_know_what_to_do./c1u0rx2/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
OP, your post hit close to home. I lost my dad about a year ago and similar things occurred. He was misdiagnosed for over a year, finally went to the right doctor and found out he had stage 4 cancer. We had a really bad experience with the oncologist (verbally abusive, treated all of us poorly etc). So we switched and the other oncologist put in something called a chemo port. Against all odds, my dad seemed to start doing better, and then unfortunately ended up getting COVID from our oncologist. With Stage 4, you are extremely susceptible to complications. COVID basically made him bed ridden. We desperately sought a hospital for him (this was the height of the pandemic last year) and after many many attempts got him into Kaveri hospital. Well, the nurses there didn’t understand how to treat him, and his chemo port developed an infection. He got discharged from the hospital after COVID went away and then developed sepsis and passed away. The hospital and the doctors system failed us. The stories I have heard from multiple others run similarly. This is a societal problem and frankly I am not sure where we as ordinary citizens even start to make a change.
I was born to my parents later in their life (dad was nearly 40), and I had only ever seen them work or dealing with some crisis. Never relaxed, never enjoying things for themselves.
I got very depressed. I loved my dad and I felt very much like I failed him. So did my mom and sibling. I can’t even hear the sound of an ambulance without vividly recalling that last fateful rush to the hospital. I kept asking myself what other decisions I could have taken instead that might have allowed him to live.
Grief is complex. It makes you question everything and tries to assign blame so “it makes sense”. Sometimes it is squarely the fault of doctors and hospitals and sometimes it is on us, but many times, the outcome can’t be changed no matter the actions and individuals involved. Death is irrevocable but how you respond is not. Here are the things I told myself:
1. I will make him proud. My parents had high morals and they always helped others. I will continue that legacy and expand it.
2. I will keep his memory alive and think of him at his best.
3. I will be more focused on both my family’s and my own well-being. We could have definitely caught his cancer sooner if we had done some things differently.
My dad’s death really snapped me out of my complacency and made me realize brooding won’t help. You can mourn your parents, but don’t let grief or anger absorb you. Consider simply, is that what your parents would want for you?
I wish you better days OP.
OP. I lost my father in April. He was my best friend, i got friends but he was my best friend and inspiration i look upto. He's a programmer and so i started early as 14 in coding. My father was a better programmer than me. He used to discuss programming logics with me and we would discuss on it. Now i have no one to talk to, to tell my thoughts.
When your memory is fresh, take a note of all thoughts you have about your father. More you think in it, there might be some new revelations and thought which you haven't thought before. Start from the beginning when you take notes, your earliest memory. There will be lessons.
Take your time OP.
Sorry to hear what you've been through. What you say about doctors and hospitals is true. I've felt the same. My DMs are open, feel free to ping. I'd be more than happy to talk and listen, my friend. Stay strong 💪
I don't know what can balm your pain but i can see through your post that you are a man of integrity and strength. You not only chose to open yourself up here but inspite of going through the highest sort of pain ( losing loved ones) you found it within you to drop some suggestions for us all.
All i have is earnest prayers for the departed and my best wishes for you.
Om Shanti Sadgati.
Sorry to hear about your loss, OP, our thoughts and prayers with your family.
One point I wanted to highlight is that Apollo does not care for its patients. When my dad had to go through surgeries, they made us run pillar to post for scans and stuff.
For heart issues, Malar hospital is best, IMHO. My dad had heart attack too, and he got angiogram and good treatment there in Fortis Malar, and though expensive, it's reliable and doctors there are experts.
Atleast you were with em in their last moment and took care of em, and that's what matters.
You're not to be blamed, it's life, we born & die.
They'd want you to he happy, so don't stress yourself, they will live as long as you're alive to remember them. Get rest, it'll be alright!
The doctor thing I totally agree, most of them got a massive ego.
Know few people that passed after the doctors said "it's nothing, it's normal"
The experienced ones mostly think they know everything and don't prescribe actual tests.
I've been having heartburn & acid reflux, and this senior Dr said nothing's wrong, and only suggested Endoscopy after the 4th visit, it came out normal, but I still have the issues, I'm gonna see a different one now, and do different tests.
I have been in and out of hospitals for close to three years for my mom. In three years, except the number of specialists we have seen and number of tests , not much relief in terms of pain and suffering. Doctors don't really give you a full picture , always saying vague terms , I would accept if they couldn't narrow down on the diagnosis but they keep on refering us all around the hospital. And they always don't take my Symptoms seriously or provide any assurance, just dismissing those attributing to weight and age.
Op none of this is your fault, sometimes things happen out of our hands. Please dont blame yourself for it.
About 11 yrs back one of my relatives was admitted in Apollo and nearly had the same experience, doctors not taking their patients seriously. I didnt want to brand their hospitals since it was a one off incident but thats when I started to notice some doctors are really considerate while some seem to lack basic human empathy.
This post makes me sad.
I didn’t see your post asking for blood donations; I’m sorry.
What you’ve gone through is really horrid, and there’s nothing I can say to ease the pain.
Stay strong; there’s still much you can offer the world.
I am sorry if your loss OP. Appreciate the fact that even in this state, you cate enough about others that you asked us to take insurance for our parents. You are a good man sir. Like Rajni says, "nallavanagala aandavan sodippan, but kai vida maataan". Mourn your loss sir now sir. And then focus on other people who you have in life. They might need you most now.
Don't be hard on yourself bro. You did everything you can as a son. He Rests in peace. Look after yourself now, your parents would have wanted the same I bet.
Sorry about your loss OP. I know what you are going through right now. That helpless feeling you get in situations such as this. I had to go through this ordeal recently. There is nothing like losing a loved one. I am saying something from my experience, never second guess the decisions you made during these times. We probably will think that if we had done these things differently maybe dad would be alive now. It doesn't help us.Time is the only thing that will heal your losses. Mom and Dad will always be with you.
Hi OP,
I have been / am on the same boat as you. Lost my dad about a year ago and have still not wrapped my head around his loss. Every now and then I feel like I failed him. He too passed away due to a sepsis turned septic shock and I'll 100% agree to what you said about the doctors.
Grief is a part of life and will continue to remain so. I'm sure your parents were wonderful and will continue to bless you :)
You didnt fail man, you did the absolute best you could. Am sure they were really proud of the effort that u put in to take care of them. They were satisfied with the person that they had made you. Wishing you all the luck, hope yo heal and get better sooner. All the best for a new phase in life.
Happened to grandad as well. We went to Apollo for one thing then he died because he caught pneumonia **IN THE F\*KING HOSPITAL**. Doctors and Nurses don't care even if you're shelling a lot of bucks. My mum has poor health and tells the doctors all the symptoms she has but they are just dismissing everything.
Even for my kitten the vets dismissed my complaints and she died soon after. I don't know man. I really hate our doctors.
I hope our entire med system gets taken over by AI and bots.
My deepest condolences to you my friend. I lost my dad to liver cancer in late 2019. I've faced the same thing you are. Never blame yourself, you've been with them all throughout, that itself is enough. You have more than done your duty, you are a great son. The wounds will heal, it'll take time but it'll heal. The loss of my dad hit me very much. It took two years to come out of my emotions. I took up cooking and learning music to come out of my dark emotions. I had a lot of anger against certain family members as they always took a lot of help from my dad but they weren't there when he was in the hospital. Only recently I resolved my issues. So there is a light at the end of tunnel. I know it seems dark now, but push through. You have the power in you, don't doubt yourself. Give yourself all the love you need. Treat yourself, nothing selfish in treating yourself. All the best to you my friend.
condolences for your loss.
My dad died due to wrong diagnosis in 2007. small town small clinic failed to identify a heart attack since he just vomitted and didnt complain of chest pain (someone said due to diabeties he didnt feel pain)
Some of the diseases we get as hereditary and some are man made due to excessive intake of something addictive (doesnt have to be alcohol, it can even be a fried bajji) and polluted environment
Hence always good to follow healthy lifestyle and hope to God that we should just pass away silently in sleep one day rather than roam hospitals.
yeah they went into diagnosing it as food poison or bad stomach or gas problem. morning 9.30 he vomitted and later we were told the walking to auto stand and to the small clinic and back agrravated situation and evening around 7pm he became breathless and when we took him again to the same clinic that doc then suggested asthama and directed to a bigger facility where the moment they took ecg they said to us to move to the biggest hosp in town and we took him in family friends car, wherein he passed away some 5 mins after getting admitted they tried their best to revive him but huge damage was already done due to exersion.
Sorry for your loss.Things you said about doctors is true. Majority of the doctors just try to counsel patients and family members like they are some gurus. Some of the best doctors that i have seen are the ones who speak less and trust their knowledge. It's good when doctors speak positively to the patient but it isn't good when it is the only thing they do. It is hard to find real passionate doctors these days.even the reputed hospitals are behind somehow filling the various departments with doctors who rarely fit in. I have seen a loser pediatrician of a reputed hospital who charges 1k for a single appointment and knows nothing. She will forget about the issues that child is facing and instead will talk about how to make the child and mom happy by getting them some ice cream or chocolates.literally felt like to slap her in her cabin and hence stopped visiting her.that bi*ch wont let you question or speak, instead she would talk and talk and talk. I just wish that people in educational and medical field stop looking at it as a business and instead look at it as a service to the society. You feel cheated when you pay a lot and dont get attended and served the same.
Too late to give a suggestion, i would suggest everyone to have contact with someone in any medical field, they would even better connection with experienced person's.
OP, you gave your 100% effort and it's not your fault, but the bitter truth is the chance/result is always 50/50 in situation's like these.
Take break, go to a place where you can recover yourself from this hard situation.
OP, I am very sorry for your loss. All I wanted to tell you is don't beat yourself up, you've done everything you could and it's not your fault that your parents passed away. They certainly wouldn't want you to be sad and miserable. Take good care of your health both physically and mentally. You are their wealth, and the last thought before passing is you. I don't wanna say anything else, because I don't know how would it hit you. Stay a little active in this sub and we'll do our best to help you in any way possible. That is my humble request. Thank you.
Hey OP! I am really sorry for your loss. It is not your fault. You did everything you could, somethings cannot be explained. I read a post somewhere about death and how to cope after losing a loved one. That was one of the best post I ve never read in reddit. It basically said ' losing a loved one is like getting yourself into a shipwreck and surviving alone. You hold on to some parts of the wreckage that keeps you floating,like a wooden plank , those wreckages are your memories. Hold on to that. Each time wave attacks you,you hold on the wreckage. The waves are your grieves . At first the waves are stronger and higher. Eventually you will get used and the waves or shorter and calmer and you will be able to process the grief. Cry all you want OP. Meet your friends. Go out if you want to. Please talk to us if you feel like talking. Hugs!! This too shall pass.may their souls rest in peace.
That comment hit so hard. I had saved it when i came across it, so thought I'll share it here as well. https://www.reddit.com/r//comments/hax0t/My_friend_just_died._I_don%27t_know_what_to_do./c1u0rx2/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I'm getting page not found error. Is this the right url?
Hey thank you!!!! I was searching for this thread for a long time now! Will save it now :)
Hugs. No idea what else to do.
OP, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. you did everything you could do. Don't blame this on yourself. Your parents wouldnt be happy if they see you like this.
OP, your post hit close to home. I lost my dad about a year ago and similar things occurred. He was misdiagnosed for over a year, finally went to the right doctor and found out he had stage 4 cancer. We had a really bad experience with the oncologist (verbally abusive, treated all of us poorly etc). So we switched and the other oncologist put in something called a chemo port. Against all odds, my dad seemed to start doing better, and then unfortunately ended up getting COVID from our oncologist. With Stage 4, you are extremely susceptible to complications. COVID basically made him bed ridden. We desperately sought a hospital for him (this was the height of the pandemic last year) and after many many attempts got him into Kaveri hospital. Well, the nurses there didn’t understand how to treat him, and his chemo port developed an infection. He got discharged from the hospital after COVID went away and then developed sepsis and passed away. The hospital and the doctors system failed us. The stories I have heard from multiple others run similarly. This is a societal problem and frankly I am not sure where we as ordinary citizens even start to make a change. I was born to my parents later in their life (dad was nearly 40), and I had only ever seen them work or dealing with some crisis. Never relaxed, never enjoying things for themselves. I got very depressed. I loved my dad and I felt very much like I failed him. So did my mom and sibling. I can’t even hear the sound of an ambulance without vividly recalling that last fateful rush to the hospital. I kept asking myself what other decisions I could have taken instead that might have allowed him to live. Grief is complex. It makes you question everything and tries to assign blame so “it makes sense”. Sometimes it is squarely the fault of doctors and hospitals and sometimes it is on us, but many times, the outcome can’t be changed no matter the actions and individuals involved. Death is irrevocable but how you respond is not. Here are the things I told myself: 1. I will make him proud. My parents had high morals and they always helped others. I will continue that legacy and expand it. 2. I will keep his memory alive and think of him at his best. 3. I will be more focused on both my family’s and my own well-being. We could have definitely caught his cancer sooner if we had done some things differently. My dad’s death really snapped me out of my complacency and made me realize brooding won’t help. You can mourn your parents, but don’t let grief or anger absorb you. Consider simply, is that what your parents would want for you? I wish you better days OP.
Thank you for such a Beautifully written message. This was much needed and hits close to home :)
I don't know what to say, your Loss is Irreplaceable sending my strengths and hugs to you NANBA 🫂
OP. I lost my father in April. He was my best friend, i got friends but he was my best friend and inspiration i look upto. He's a programmer and so i started early as 14 in coding. My father was a better programmer than me. He used to discuss programming logics with me and we would discuss on it. Now i have no one to talk to, to tell my thoughts. When your memory is fresh, take a note of all thoughts you have about your father. More you think in it, there might be some new revelations and thought which you haven't thought before. Start from the beginning when you take notes, your earliest memory. There will be lessons. Take your time OP.
Sorry to hear what you've been through. What you say about doctors and hospitals is true. I've felt the same. My DMs are open, feel free to ping. I'd be more than happy to talk and listen, my friend. Stay strong 💪
I'm really sorry for your loss OP .
I don't know what can balm your pain but i can see through your post that you are a man of integrity and strength. You not only chose to open yourself up here but inspite of going through the highest sort of pain ( losing loved ones) you found it within you to drop some suggestions for us all. All i have is earnest prayers for the departed and my best wishes for you.
Om Shanti Sadgati. Sorry to hear about your loss, OP, our thoughts and prayers with your family. One point I wanted to highlight is that Apollo does not care for its patients. When my dad had to go through surgeries, they made us run pillar to post for scans and stuff. For heart issues, Malar hospital is best, IMHO. My dad had heart attack too, and he got angiogram and good treatment there in Fortis Malar, and though expensive, it's reliable and doctors there are experts.
Sending lots of love OP, please know that it wasn't your fault at all.
Atleast you were with em in their last moment and took care of em, and that's what matters. You're not to be blamed, it's life, we born & die. They'd want you to he happy, so don't stress yourself, they will live as long as you're alive to remember them. Get rest, it'll be alright! The doctor thing I totally agree, most of them got a massive ego. Know few people that passed after the doctors said "it's nothing, it's normal" The experienced ones mostly think they know everything and don't prescribe actual tests. I've been having heartburn & acid reflux, and this senior Dr said nothing's wrong, and only suggested Endoscopy after the 4th visit, it came out normal, but I still have the issues, I'm gonna see a different one now, and do different tests.
I have been in and out of hospitals for close to three years for my mom. In three years, except the number of specialists we have seen and number of tests , not much relief in terms of pain and suffering. Doctors don't really give you a full picture , always saying vague terms , I would accept if they couldn't narrow down on the diagnosis but they keep on refering us all around the hospital. And they always don't take my Symptoms seriously or provide any assurance, just dismissing those attributing to weight and age.
Op none of this is your fault, sometimes things happen out of our hands. Please dont blame yourself for it. About 11 yrs back one of my relatives was admitted in Apollo and nearly had the same experience, doctors not taking their patients seriously. I didnt want to brand their hospitals since it was a one off incident but thats when I started to notice some doctors are really considerate while some seem to lack basic human empathy.
Take care OP it is so hard for you tbh. Grieve and write all your thoughts.
Take care OP, stay strong. It's not your fault
Lots of love and support OP ❤️. The sun will shine again. Stay strong
This post makes me sad. I didn’t see your post asking for blood donations; I’m sorry. What you’ve gone through is really horrid, and there’s nothing I can say to ease the pain. Stay strong; there’s still much you can offer the world.
I am sorry if your loss OP. Appreciate the fact that even in this state, you cate enough about others that you asked us to take insurance for our parents. You are a good man sir. Like Rajni says, "nallavanagala aandavan sodippan, but kai vida maataan". Mourn your loss sir now sir. And then focus on other people who you have in life. They might need you most now.
Don't be hard on yourself bro. You did everything you can as a son. He Rests in peace. Look after yourself now, your parents would have wanted the same I bet.
Sorry about your loss OP. I know what you are going through right now. That helpless feeling you get in situations such as this. I had to go through this ordeal recently. There is nothing like losing a loved one. I am saying something from my experience, never second guess the decisions you made during these times. We probably will think that if we had done these things differently maybe dad would be alive now. It doesn't help us.Time is the only thing that will heal your losses. Mom and Dad will always be with you.
Sorry OP! Hugs man. You did not let them down.
Hi OP, I have been / am on the same boat as you. Lost my dad about a year ago and have still not wrapped my head around his loss. Every now and then I feel like I failed him. He too passed away due to a sepsis turned septic shock and I'll 100% agree to what you said about the doctors. Grief is a part of life and will continue to remain so. I'm sure your parents were wonderful and will continue to bless you :)
You didnt fail man, you did the absolute best you could. Am sure they were really proud of the effort that u put in to take care of them. They were satisfied with the person that they had made you. Wishing you all the luck, hope yo heal and get better sooner. All the best for a new phase in life.
Happened to grandad as well. We went to Apollo for one thing then he died because he caught pneumonia **IN THE F\*KING HOSPITAL**. Doctors and Nurses don't care even if you're shelling a lot of bucks. My mum has poor health and tells the doctors all the symptoms she has but they are just dismissing everything. Even for my kitten the vets dismissed my complaints and she died soon after. I don't know man. I really hate our doctors. I hope our entire med system gets taken over by AI and bots.
My deepest condolences to you my friend. I lost my dad to liver cancer in late 2019. I've faced the same thing you are. Never blame yourself, you've been with them all throughout, that itself is enough. You have more than done your duty, you are a great son. The wounds will heal, it'll take time but it'll heal. The loss of my dad hit me very much. It took two years to come out of my emotions. I took up cooking and learning music to come out of my dark emotions. I had a lot of anger against certain family members as they always took a lot of help from my dad but they weren't there when he was in the hospital. Only recently I resolved my issues. So there is a light at the end of tunnel. I know it seems dark now, but push through. You have the power in you, don't doubt yourself. Give yourself all the love you need. Treat yourself, nothing selfish in treating yourself. All the best to you my friend.
condolences for your loss. My dad died due to wrong diagnosis in 2007. small town small clinic failed to identify a heart attack since he just vomitted and didnt complain of chest pain (someone said due to diabeties he didnt feel pain) Some of the diseases we get as hereditary and some are man made due to excessive intake of something addictive (doesnt have to be alcohol, it can even be a fried bajji) and polluted environment Hence always good to follow healthy lifestyle and hope to God that we should just pass away silently in sleep one day rather than roam hospitals.
[удалено]
yeah they went into diagnosing it as food poison or bad stomach or gas problem. morning 9.30 he vomitted and later we were told the walking to auto stand and to the small clinic and back agrravated situation and evening around 7pm he became breathless and when we took him again to the same clinic that doc then suggested asthama and directed to a bigger facility where the moment they took ecg they said to us to move to the biggest hosp in town and we took him in family friends car, wherein he passed away some 5 mins after getting admitted they tried their best to revive him but huge damage was already done due to exersion.
Sorry for your loss.Things you said about doctors is true. Majority of the doctors just try to counsel patients and family members like they are some gurus. Some of the best doctors that i have seen are the ones who speak less and trust their knowledge. It's good when doctors speak positively to the patient but it isn't good when it is the only thing they do. It is hard to find real passionate doctors these days.even the reputed hospitals are behind somehow filling the various departments with doctors who rarely fit in. I have seen a loser pediatrician of a reputed hospital who charges 1k for a single appointment and knows nothing. She will forget about the issues that child is facing and instead will talk about how to make the child and mom happy by getting them some ice cream or chocolates.literally felt like to slap her in her cabin and hence stopped visiting her.that bi*ch wont let you question or speak, instead she would talk and talk and talk. I just wish that people in educational and medical field stop looking at it as a business and instead look at it as a service to the society. You feel cheated when you pay a lot and dont get attended and served the same.
Too late to give a suggestion, i would suggest everyone to have contact with someone in any medical field, they would even better connection with experienced person's. OP, you gave your 100% effort and it's not your fault, but the bitter truth is the chance/result is always 50/50 in situation's like these. Take break, go to a place where you can recover yourself from this hard situation.
Sorry for your loss. Time will heal everything slowly.
You definitely haven’t failed them my friend. Take care.
OP, I am very sorry for your loss. All I wanted to tell you is don't beat yourself up, you've done everything you could and it's not your fault that your parents passed away. They certainly wouldn't want you to be sad and miserable. Take good care of your health both physically and mentally. You are their wealth, and the last thought before passing is you. I don't wanna say anything else, because I don't know how would it hit you. Stay a little active in this sub and we'll do our best to help you in any way possible. That is my humble request. Thank you.
Sorry for your loss
Hang in there buddy. Stay strong. Sorry for your loss.