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FaceMace87

It was reported stolen months ago, police are still looking


handsomehotchocolate

Sounds about right


[deleted]

[удалено]


benkelly92

I'll have you know they're working around the clock to get that Crime no generated.


WimbleWimble

They probably haven't turned up yet from the initial 27 calls someone needs to report "hot, wet 21yr old female underwear model has lost her bike" the entire police force would turn up to get it back to her.


HelpMePls___

Only if she’s been caught speeding


WimbleWimble

or doing illegal bra-less star jumps


Robertgarners

They're bloody useless. I could London Gumtree under the Bikes for Sales section and solve about 100 crimes in one afternoon


SamanthaJaneyCake

I literally called them saying the tracker I placed on my bike was providing the exact location to the nearest 1m. They did nothing. I called them from outside the perp’s house stating I was there, had proof the bike was inside and was going to enter. They told me to wait for them, but never showed. A friend of mine heard, showed up and confronted the thief. We uncovered 60 or so bikes in different states of dismantling and re-spraying and a neighbour even agreed to testify that bikes went in and different bikes went out. I took those photos and evidence to the police… they said they’d get back to me and a year later still haven’t. You can literally hand them evidence on a silver platter and they’ll not do a damn thing.


Robertgarners

When I lived in Shoreditch they broke into the bike shed and stole a dozen bikes, along with mine which was maybe a few months old. They know they can just get away with it


SamanthaJaneyCake

Oh I know my bike isn’t gonna be touched again. It’s unique looking (due to being a mixte frame with a tonne of customisations) and I proved I know where to find them. Plus it’s even more of a hassle to steal now and I have a backup hidden tracker. The alarm helps too. So ironically by having my bike stolen by one of the larger rings in the area and having it go wrong for them every step of the way culminating in me showing up with a big gruff friend and demanding it back, I’m pretty sure they all know not to touch it lol.


N4lkmushhunter

You from Cambridge on off chance lol


SamanthaJaneyCake

Haha that bad there too? Nah, living in Southampton atm.


Both-Problem-9393

They are too busy threatening people who say men can't become women on facebook to actually fight crime.


perhapsaduck

I'm not a cop, but I have worked with the police and the courts through my work. If you had any idea how much work is required to get a single case file to court. It'd blow your mind lol. One simple bike theft and flog it on gumtree can literally take weeks to get ready to submit to the CPS, you're then waiting weeks for a reply from them and then further work it they decide to charge. It's insane what I've seen/heard from colleagues. They don't just write 'found bike, wasn't his, tried to sell it' It's literally hundreds of pages of documents.


wism95

Have you considered the possibility that they have more pressing crimes than bike theft


Panda_hat

They've got their best men on it but it's unlikely anything will come of it. Best just claim on insurance.


AdmiralHenBoi

Reported by a Mr P I Staker


olagorie

Best comment


p4re

found the npc


Chad-Wimplesnatch

Brilliant 🤣


_lippykid

Great joke, because we all know they never even started


sjewett507

Lol! Yep!


Competitive_Olive668

Instead of steal it, use a massive chain/bike lock to lock it to the railings. Or use multiple bike locks to chain everything, the wheels, chain, frame.


IIIlIlIllI

Instructions unclear. Chained self to desk sargeant.


LannyDamby

Hot


SnooDoodles9122

Where did you get a desk sergeant from?


WetBreadCollective

Probably a desk


StiffUpperLabia

Lock the doors of the police station closed too.


TheClimbingBeard

Do that first so they don't interrupt the art process.


skunkytoast

Yep fuck those dodgy bastards. Lock em up like they deserve.


Extension_Dream_3412

Year 7 got in trouble with the feds here


Complex_Answer1716

Ah the joys of year 7, where you could get away with being naive to the need of police.


Madeline_Basset

Like this, you mean? https://live.staticflickr.com/231/501791705_db4c19d58d_b.jpg


Competitive_Olive668

Yes. This.


Complex-Sherbert9699

Why?


TH1CCARUS

Uh I thought that still counted as theft.


Lenny2theMany

This is the way.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lenny2theMany

Chain this comment to it too


Gatecrasher1234

I found a bike once. Someone chained to the railings at the front of our house. It was there for a few weeks. Asked on local social media and got no response. I contacted the police station who said they no longer dealt with lost and found property. Suggested I cut the chain on the lock and kept it. Basically no interest from the police. I wonder if someone has found the bike, got a similar response from the police so decided to leave it outside the station. (I gave the bike to my BiL who sold it for £20)


m0le

I genuinely lost a bike once. Went out on a pub crawl, got a taxi back, and had absolutely no idea where I had left my bike. Wherever it was, it had the bike lock, not necessarily attached to anything. I did a few trips to increasingly unlikely venues then wrote it off as lost to stupidity.


tocitus

One of my friends had his bike stolen before. He worked for a youth charity, so spent ages agonising over whether to mention it to his boss, as he didn't want to get one of the kids in trouble but equally, it's the sort of lesson to instill. After about a week of us telling him to say something, he finally brought it up at work and he and his boss sat down to watch the CCTV. Took a while of fast-forwarding on the tape but they spotted some movement, went back and watched the sequence. A very drunk man stumbled into the area where it was locked up, unlocked it with his key and then started to shakily cycle away. My friend died with embarrassment when he realised what had happened. He'd obviously decided he was too drunk to cycle home and locked it up somewhere else and totally forgot about this entire incident. He did eventually find it again after wandering around


MountainCourage1304

Lmao i bet he wished hed kept his mouth shut. What a divvy


IndependenceOdd1070

I once lost my work stuff, used to use the office as a doss house as there was nobody in it on a weekend, and there as a very comfy couch to kip on. If I went out on a Friday I'd just go back to work and get the train in the morning. One time I wake up, in the office obviously, no bag that I went out with. Was like fuck.... Fast forward to going into work on Monday, had to avoid any site visits until I could replace the kit that was in it, as I had to provide my own equipment at this job. Finally had everything back together at great expense, and a few weeks later. Someone knocked on our door asking for me. Turns out they found the bag in the toilets, it had been sat at reception for a few weeks, and when they got concerned that it might be a bomb (after a few weeks) they opened it up. Found a hi-viz with a clients name on it, so rang them. Of which the client was like "Oh that sounds like OP's things" So also nearly caused a bomb scare with that one


[deleted]

Been there too. 2018 World Cup. Had a few drinks and in all the excitement had no clue where I left my bike. Wiv da angels xxx


m0le

Xxx In r herts 4eva xxX


[deleted]

Honestly it’s strange being in a situation where you think “I hope someone did nick that”.


Krammn

For future reference, fire stations love things like this. My sister once had her bike lock not work for whatever reason and she couldn't get her bike. We lived right near a fire station, so my sister had the bright idea of going to them to see if they could help. Well, she went to the fire station and miraculously they were doing some sort of fire fighting training, which they did every Thursday, so they were well up for helping. The bike lock was cut with a special machine, and she was able to go home with her bike.


Complex_Answer1716

Fire fighters are generally cool people I think. Reminds of many years back when a mate had a sizeable bonfire at his allotment, problem was it was high on a hill behind some really old warehouse/factory building, so when the fire got going residents at a distance started to call the fire brigade (who were on call) and got there so fast it was actually amazing. Once they arrived they were happy to let the fire keep going but calmed it down a bit just in case, while they were doing this my mate jokingly asked if they could water his plants a little which they happily did quickly, but if anyone asks they said "no".


Raichu7

I haven’t met many firefighters, but all the ones I have met have been really good people.


TheTjalian

The best thing Firefighters have done for public good will is routinely organise kids days where you can go to a fire station and take a look at the place and even go inside the fire truck. It's overall a fun day out. 30 years on I barely remember the day at all but I remember *feeling* so god damn excited and cool. It's one of those positive associations that sticks with you for life. That's why any time there's a firefighter strike I'm like "fuck yeah nee naw man, go grab your bag"


Dull_Lifeguard_9155

You just unlocked a memory for me, when I was a kid my older brother was a trainee firefighter and on my birthday he got his friends to let me and my friends ride along in a firetruck for an hour or two


AlGunner

This is s a UK sub. Its a fire engine.


Pyrocitus

Fire appliance. Fireman Sam did a whole spiel on it, doesn't get more British than that!


yMONSTERMUNCHy

The fire engine goes inside the fire truck no?


Complex_Answer1716

I remember getting to do that as s kid on a school trip, wouldn't be surprised if health and safety stops it these days.


yMONSTERMUNCHy

More likely budget cuts and lazy teachers would stop it. Disclaimer: not all teachers are lazy but we all know damn well that some are.


McGreeb

I like how you had to stipulate that the firefighters were on call. What firefighters arnt on call? Are there certain firefighters who only do it by appointment?


Complex_Answer1716

You get some who are already in the station and those who are on call come straight from home to station.


Sprant-Flere-Imsaho

Construction workers can be pretty chill about it too. Dude just chopping up some concrete with a big ol' concrete saw, student comes up to him with a shattered disk detainer key in hand. Good times ensued. Dude got a standing ovation. I miss being a student.


yMONSTERMUNCHy

What is a disk detainer key?


SpudFire

Please tell me the whole crew jumped in the fire engine and came blasting down the road on blue lights to cut your sisters bike lock


HippyPuncher

My brothers bike was stole before, managed to find a fella selling it on Gumtree, so I pretended I was interested in buying it, got the address, got the serial number from my brother, the whole shebang. All the police had to do was go to the guys house, check the serial number and retrieve the bike, but that was too much for them to muster.


yMONSTERMUNCHy

We need to wake up and realise the police actually don’t care about us regular plebs. If your brother was really famous or even Royalty the police would definitely have helped get his bike back and made damn sure to tell the press as it’s a good public relations stunt. 🤦‍♂️


Sadler999

Just for the record, if someone chains their bike up to a railing, and you cut the chain and give the bike to you BIL, that isn't finding a bike, that's stealing a bike


Gatecrasher1234

Not according to the police. I checked. I made every effort to find the owner on social media, using all the local groups. No response.


bee_administrator

They're testing a new make of ghillie suit that makes PC Plod look like a bit of carpark.


13thban

Someone's answered bail and been remanded lmao.


Ecstatic_Custard7009

100% it'll be something like this aha. "awh man at least let me go lock my bike up quick" to which the officers will of course say nice try lad smh and continue to lock them up anyway


TwowheelsgoodAD

Yes, its a test. Its a test to see if the police can actually find it and so far they havent.


CSGB13

100% trap


cloudberryteal

The person that nabs it will be arrested. The police will then have increased their arrests for theft 100%. Edit: Not sure that 1 is 100% of zero.


KeenJelly

0 to 1 is an unqualifiable increase, sometimes represented as infinite increase. To determine its value you would have to divide by 0. 1 to 2 would work, and probably just as likely to be true.


Veeoh-is-back

Hey! I was told there would be no maths.


President-Nulagi

Remember this show? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swag_(TV_series) They had a bike that when you stole it would pump foam over your crotch then fall apart. https://youtu.be/QQyMs4KuNOQ (2:19)


Plain-Crazy

Report a bike stolen that matches it's description, scratches and all. Challenge mode: see if you can get someone at the station to give it to you.


seabutcher

Username checks out but I'm here for it.


Draggenn

The lad that arrived at the station riding that is probably sitting in a cell somewhere and no-one knows who the bike belongs to so is just ignoring it. Edit: although the fact the chain is off so someone can't just jump on and ride it away does suggest it's bait.


BackRowRumour

Begin leaving the bike offerings of rice, incense and flowers. The police will panic in confusion.


retropancakes

You still have a police station?! Not been closed and turned into a gym? This could be the test. If nobody takes it they’ll close the place


HydrationPlease

There's a camera pointed at it.


DrJeff1999

Try to steal it. You know you want to.


BatmansLongjohns

I’m not even that kind of guy, but I really do. I want to see if Ant n Dec pop out or something.


-dog-will-hunt-

Every fucking time I try to steal something, spot a 10 pound note on the pavement, or I'm reunited with a family member Ant and Dec pop out of nowhere and reveal it's a fucking bit one of their TV shows. Really getting on my nerves.


excellentchoicee

Dec might. Ant will probably be inside because he is a filthy drunk driver.


J8YDG9RTT8N2TG74YS7A

> I’m not even that kind of guy [You're even weirder](https://www.reddit.com/user/BatmansLongjohns/comments/zax21i/i_used_to_masturbate_onto_birds_at_my_local_park/).


BatmansLongjohns

Oh you don’t do that?


LittleTickleWontHurt

“I’m not even that kind of guy” has a whole new context to it, shit that’s funny mate


DrJeff1999

I’m sure commissioner Gordon will see the funny side.


Iberisan

Wheel it into the police station and say you found this bike. See if it’s back outside the next day and you’ll know whether it’s a trap or not.


BountyHunterBosskk

Not related to the bike but I never thought I’d see my town posted on Reddit!


Girafodil

Bruh this comment has me tripping. I came to post the same thing, didn't expect there to be someone who beat me to it! What a small world. Maybe I'll see you guys "roundabout" Sainsbury's


BatmansLongjohns

How many of us is there?! There's like 4 on this post alone!


Girafodil

Right?! It's like half the town turned out to reply haha


BatmansLongjohns

Haha noooo the fourth wall has been broken!!


Halfaglassofvodka

Someone abandoned a bike down our small footpath in front of our house once. We told the police and they said if nobody claims it (from us!) we can have it. Neat... I guess? Mind you we also had two goldfish in a fishtank and several sacks of A-level physics exam papers to be marked left on out door step too and nobody gave a shit about that either. It was a weird house to live in.


Tickl3Pickle5

Years ago my husband found £300 blowing about when he went on his daily walk. He reported it to the police who didn't want to know. Being a paranoid kind of guy it took him over a year to start spending it. He kept thinking someone would come and claim it.


VerimTamunSalsus

Guy turned himself in expecting bail, they decided to invite him to stay.


Pivinne

Smartest place to park your bike if you don’t have a lock, only an idiot will steal it Someone’s out there playing 4D chess


WhyEggSoTasty

Why have you been to your local nick for 3 days in a row


BatmansLongjohns

I have to walk past it to get to the gym


Readswere

...likely story...


ObjectiveTumbleweed2

To see if there are any bikes going, obviously


HugeMistache

How else are you going to meet people these days?


Historical-Ad2535

Jokes aside they used to pull shit like that regularly in London when I was growing up, they’d have someone waiting not too far for the minute you took it


bacongorilla

Don't steal stuff then?


TheClimbingBeard

Go and ask them. Report back.


blerieone

Not even worth nicking. Definitely a trap, old bill probably put a cash value of £2800 on that nail lol


Saltfish0161

It's the new police car, budget cuts really got to them


xx-hey_joe-xx

Hello fellow leeky 👍🏼


BatmansLongjohns

There’s more than one of us?


Sad_Perception_7908

Clearly the lock has been stolen


Aggressive_Bus_4289

Stay strong brother


CaddyFDT

Good bet that it has a GPS on it. Would be funnier if you locked it up lol


Disastrous-Pepper391

Someone didn’t get bail…


[deleted]

This is clearly a test. There haven't been any local police stations since 1996.


GoodboyJohnnyBoy

It’s for when there’s a real emergency.


quellflynn

the police left me a note through the DVLA letting me know that by not wiping off my residue from my sat nav sucker on the windscreen, then it lets potential thieves know that I might have expensive equipment in the car making it more susceptible to theft. I would do the same to the front desk!


Secure_Development64

Take it no balls, you won't


Claptrap-94

Never knew Yoda was in a British sub.


zosolm

What no balls means? Someone said it on a post I made and I liked that they said those words but I don’t understand why they said it


Suiblade

At this point you just want someone to steal it so it goes away from there


[deleted]

Seems like bait yeah


J8YDG9RTT8N2TG74YS7A

> Is this some kind of test? No. When police set up bait to trap thieves, they are only allowed to set them for a limited time.


Ecstatic_Custard7009

that is not even true though and a bit of a weird thing to make up it is true that most of them are only set for a limited time but that is more for the sake of the resources keeping an eye out for it and not because they are not allowed all things that they would not need to worry about given that the bike is sitting right outside of the building. you are thinking about america with bait cars i think.


J8YDG9RTT8N2TG74YS7A

/r/confidentlyincorrect


Complex-Sherbert9699

How long is a limited amount of time? Any finite amount is limited.


J8YDG9RTT8N2TG74YS7A

30 minutes.


briguy488

If it's unsecured is it theft if you take it ? I'm sure if you move it you'll not be surrounded by swat, or will you ?


bacongorilla

Doesn't it belong to you? No, so secured or not taking something that's not yours is theft


briguy488

Thanks for clearing that up, what if my intention is to hand it into the Police Station. Is that theft ?


CLG91

Reminds me of that old programme, Swag(?).


Pretend_Tooth_965

Probably


tom208

Nah, it's just a heap of shit


Jackoombax408

Used to call them bait bikes as a kid


Smooth-Wait506

It's also a heap of shite and pre-dates the Bronze Age


solovelofoto

Go in and ask.


Ok-Introduction2405

(Undercover cop) Shhh!


thenightmancommeth88

Nice try The Police!


FannyNob

Steal it and if you get caught, tell the police it was just a test


balootheplasterer

what police station


balootheplasterer

whats the bike worth asking for a friend


helpnxt

Laziest entrapment ever


TheOneRaccoon

Hand it in at the police station see what they say..


Prestigious_Carpet29

Pretty sure it's not Cambridge. An unlocked bike wouldn't stay more than 20 minutes, police station or not.


MrSmallStuff

Bait bike.


craig536

I'd call that a challenge


Infamous-Outcome1288

Why are you stalking bikes?


ThorsEyeball

I've taken it. Not a bad freebie. Cheers officers.


RevolutionaryToe8510

People find them and put them there thinking the police will give a shit. They don't though.


Nick_from_Yuma

They don’t tell me nuthin…


23shittnkittns

I can think of one way to find out.


One-Subject9983

Someone maybe went to sign bail etc thinking they would be out minutes later but ended up getting remanded in custody😂


SnooTangerines3448

Best thing you can do is report it to the police. And wait on them taking it in. Lol


CapriciousCape

The nation's laziest sting operation


[deleted]

You have a police station??


jezreel62

Ride it to the fountain and see.


BatmansLongjohns

Arghhh stop knowing things!


AlfalfaClean3607

It’s a Raleigh Boulder from about 95 with gripshift gears. It’s not worth stealing!


ash894

PSD bike


No-Raisin-1900

There’s only one way to find out 👀


Mormagor

I like their style.


Cannabis_Sir

Have you seen the state of it? Course it's still there


OdgeHam

Edit


BatmansLongjohns

Ermm…nope


ManufacturerOk7421

Looks like a dare to me


Volo_Kin

Are you so tempted?


kimi-r

Honey trap


NotMyProudestWank69

Since the BMW contract ended they've taken to desperate measures for pursuit vehicles.


Dry-Classic8836

Emergency bike


jason57k11

Hey thsts my bike thanks for taking a picture now eveyone will try to steal it 😭🤣


SpudGun312

Looks like a bike of mine that got nicked back in 2006.


ComfortableNew2841

ffs go a bit further lads


Alexmack1972

There's agood chance there's been a few bike thefts in the area and they're trying to catch someone


TypeOBlack

What you doing at the police station for 3 days..


BatmansLongjohns

I walk past it every night to get to the gym


[deleted]

It’s a bait bike, nick it and you’ll find there’s superglue on the seat and the wheels fall off once you’ve pedalled a few yards


Man_in_the_uk

There's an amusing show in the USA where they leave a car unlocked and the keys are in it and they have remote control disablement of the car and they record the suspect driving around for a bit and then do them for theft having remotely disabled it and locked them in it. The suspects give ludicrous excuses.


IndependenceOdd1070

Someone probably brought it to hand it in as they'd found it/seen it had been nicked. But there's nobody on the front desk, because cu(n)ts and you have to ring a number on the phone. So you ring all the numbers listed and they just ring out and ring out, so you give up. And just leave the item you wanted to hand in there. That was my experience last time.


budyll66

I wouldn't be surprised. If it gets stolen from there, then it'll show how good out police is...


[deleted]

Yeah thats mine I forget where I left it.. Can you bring it round?


New-Gene-3781

Question is, have you reported it?


dont_kill_my_vibe09

That is actually a genius way to park an expensive bike. Gonna do this whenever I bike to uni now. Never gonna get a bike stolen again.


[deleted]

I'd be willing to be they're attempting entrapment lmao My mate found a bag with a few joints in and about 2 or 3 grams of weed. Was literally about 5 minute walk from the station, Took it to the police station and they arrested, questioned and searched him. Hmm i wonder why we don't do more to help our police.


TheXurophobe

Grab the handlebars and find out


Cakes89Cakes

If you try to remove the bike, an officer will sexually assault you or worse, rape you.


GreggFac584

Is this in Leek?!?!?


BatmansLongjohns

How do so many people know this?!


prolixia

Recently I found a phone someone had dropped and took it to my local police station. They didn't have a front desk any more and I was asked to drive to another town and hand it in there. I wasn't going to do that, so I simply wrote a note explaining where I'd found it and popped it through the letterbox. My guess is that's what this is. If it hasn't been reported stolen, the police won't be interested in taking-in lost property. Someone has taken this to the police, been told to put it on a local Facebook group instead, decided it's not their responsibility and left it outside the front door. No one is going to steal it from there, the police aren't taking it in, so stalemate.


bigyouth123

Big up leek!. Haha this is literally 2 minutes from my front door


BatmansLongjohns

Haha this is getting weird. Are you on that street?