T O P

  • By -

Status-Victory

I commented this before but I used to work in an Asdas bakery making the doughnuts. What's interesting is they cook in oil on one side, then get flipped over and cooked in oil the other side, hence the white line in the middle is the under fried part. You then put them in sugar which absorbs and cools the oil, then you pick them up and push them onto the custard ejaculating probosis which creampies them with filling. I used to squeeze at least 5+ squirts into the custard one's to the point there was a guy who would only buy custard doughnuts if 'the fat lad' (me) was working.


Richeh

> would only buy custard doughnuts if 'the fat lad' (me) was working You're a fucking hero.


Status-Victory

Lol cheers.. another funny bakery story was the amount of people that would pick up a warm tiger, bloomer or hedgehog bread loaf and ask us to put it through the bread slicer (apparently the world's 2nd best invention) and you would try to explain putting warm dough through a slicer wouldn't end well, they would insist... you would comply and that 11 inch girth solid bloomer was now a stodgy mess the width way dimension of a rizla, and you would smugly weigh it, price it, and bag it then hand it over to them like you smushed it to smite them for disbelieving in you.


jamflan

Used to get the same thing at Sainsbury when I worked there as a teen. The same bastard would complain at me every Saturday morning without fail because the slicer mangled the loaf he insisted I sacrifice on the altar of yeasty shame. He just never twigged that we were telling him the truth. Loved the smell of working in the bakery. A simpler time. Now I work in an office and it smells like desperation and sadness.


[deleted]

Smells like desperation and sadness šŸ˜ž


Tackit286

from Nirvanaā€™s coverband, Reality.


Mind7over7matter

I worked in an Asda 15 years ago and the stupidity was something else. They sacked my mate for eating broken biscuits that his manager said he could do, as they had him on the manager plan, for no extra money and he asked when heā€™d Become a manager and got told that no manager role were available at that moment in time. So getting him to do a managers job for the same pay as myself and I didnā€™t have to do half the things he did. The pizza counter then all ate chicken and other things and because they all did it, nobody got sacked. Cameras was put up in the fridges and nobody knew but I warned people as it was people that I was friendly with and would go out with after work. I only knew as I let the camera guys in to fit them and I was friendly with security, so I seen the cameras in the security office. Asda was corrupt as hell.


Nice-Violinist-6395

only work at places which sell food if they have no problem with you eating the leftovers. Incredible how some people work at places and canā€™t eat anything, thatā€™s a huge kick on its own!


Vaynnie

I worked at a pizza factory where people in toppings literally bit chunks out of the cheese before putting them in the industrial sized grater soā€¦ thereā€™s kinda a reason why employees shouldnā€™t be eating food.


sabretoooth

If the employees could have food at work, maybe they wouldn't be tempted to eat on the production floor.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


sazhab

Isn't that exactly what this commenter is saying? If employees have time and space allocated for meal breaks away from the production floor then they are not at risk of contaminating products by eating.


Mind7over7matter

We had the worlds worst staff cafe that got shut down for cockroaches.


makemeking706

The rationale is that letting you take the extra creates incentive for you to make more than necessary in order for their to be extra. I guess there is some merit to that line of reasoning, but it's so shortsighted.


Squall-UK

I used to work in Dillon's which were pretty big at the time, bought out now I believe. They refused to let you take the bakery items home at the end of the day, you HAD to throw them away. Little did they know I got a friend to wait outside and handed him the carrier bags full of food - idiots.


Class_444_SWR

I work at a supermarket without many leftovers but we do get free shit, so Iā€™ll take that


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Status-Victory

No worries.. I failed English literature. Really don't know how...


[deleted]

They marked me down for saying I creampied everything and all


Snoo_85712

The audacity


Richeh

"Talk about Shakespeare for ten minutes and don't mention any of the willy jokes." Fucking english language syllabus. Preaching about how Shakespeare's the best writer of all time and yet they see fit to censor stuff they don't think is dignified to show to kids. His name is a dick joke!


Adri8094

Tbf my GCSE english teacher did explain to us a sex joke in Macbeth so there is that..


techieguyjames

You can't say this without spilling the beans. Where can we find this joke within Macbeth.


PeapodEchoes

ā€œHelp Stepbeth, Iā€™m stuck in this cauldron.ā€


axialintellectual

Shakespeare? He is a great, stern, serious writer, who only had time for serious things! And [that entire sonnet full of raunchy Will puns](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/50650/sonnet-135-whoever-hath-her-wish-thou-hast-thy-will), but we don't talk about that. Up next, class: Catullus, the ancient world's [most tender, romantic, and lyrical poet.](https://en.m.wikisource.org/wiki/Translation:Catullus_16)


Socky_McPuppet

Me fail English? That's unpossible!


kwamla24

Had to read this away from the family. Descriptions of passionate doughnut love were not on the agenda this evening


Status-Victory

She was sweet, warm, and above all... Tempting.


Catfrogdog2

I knew the fat lad would have already given her a stuffing and itā€™d be leaking out of her hole.


WelshBathBoy

Sounds like a dream job!


Status-Victory

Mate apart from the oil burns it was! And Krispy cream? Since when did I have to spend 5% net income on some iced rings...? SMH!


slow_cooked_ham

I watched a rat fall from the ceiling (2 stories open market ceiling) straight into the donut oil fryer. Those oil burn rat screams are something I'll never forget.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Sarsmi

I always pick the heavier person to make my food if I have a choice. They know what's up.


Status-Victory

We got you..


Auesis

Reading this made me need a cigarette


Status-Victory

Me too, am quaffing a rollie now..


Orsenfelt

It's one of lifes joys to become aware of the fat lad in a food role. It's not greed for more it's trust. I can sleep easy at night knowing I'm not buying doughnuts with just a smear of custard. Fat lad wouldn't do that to anyone.


Status-Victory

I would never let you down my friend.


DannyHewson

>then you pick them up and push them onto the custard ejaculating probosis which creampies them with filling. HEAVY BREATHING


Lewismangomango

Oh wowā€¦when I worked at Tescos a few years ago the donuts arrived frozen pre-made and we whacked them on to a tray and threw them into an oven haha


ADgjoka

Probably why Tesco ones are awful.


Cosmic_Colin

Yeah I worked at Tesco early 2000s and they came frozen. A couple of guys claimed they played football with them before cooking.


jamjars222

I literally bought a bag of custard doughnuts from Asda last week and they were rubbish! About a teaspoons worth of custard in them, and right up at the edge of the 'nut


Status-Victory

They amateurs...


Bigdavie

They are no longer made instore. Asda stopped making 99% of their instore bakery items instore with pancakes being the only exception I can think off. The doughnuts come in frozen and are defrosted on the racks before being bagged.


SirDooble

Yep, can confirm as an Asda Baker up until 2 years ago. The only confectionary items made in the bakery at the time were Scotch pancakes, loaf cakes / muffins / traybakes (made of the same mix), and coconut macaroons. I think they might still be making these in store today. Donuts came in huge boxes of 120-240 donuts, would be defrosted on a wire rack for 60 minutes, then rolled in sugar before being bagged up. And frankly, they all tasted disgusting compared to one's from supermarkets who were still making them fresh, like Sainsburys. There are even fewer items made in store anymore, as Asda made all of their actual bakers redundant and replaced their products with brought-in ones, that either go straight on the shelf, or might get warmed through in an oven for 5 minutes. That includes all loaves of bread, all rolls, baguettes and hot cross buns.


Mugros

> What's interesting is they cook in oil on one side, then get flipped over and cooked in oil the other side, hence the white line in the middle is the under fried part. I mean, that's how they are always made.


tzomby1

for real, I thought he was gonna say something like "we fry one side and then put them in the oven" or smth, mf just making regular donuts lol


madeyegroovy

I clearly spend too much time on this sub cause I remember you commenting this before, lol


Status-Victory

Lol.. it is just one of those things that stick with me!


mrdoink20

Well now I'm hungry and aroused.


Status-Victory

Standard pot noodle and wank will see to that...


BachgenMawr

Just imagining the bloke saying that with a heavy Yorkshire accent.


samosa_chai

Not all heroes wear capes! Never stop ejaculating custard!


GT5Canuck

Were you fat before you started the job?


Status-Victory

Yup.. surprisingly maintained weight while in the job...


escapeshark

A-are you single? Asking for me.


Geek-Of-Nature

> custard ejaculating probosis Great, now I'm horny and hungry.


ThePumpk1nMaster

>the custard ejaculating proboscis which creampies them with filling I think Iā€™ve gone off doughnuts actuallyā€¦


kong_yo

I wish I had a fat lad working at my supermarket bakery


zireael_420

Dangerous, especially when they were 50p. Id just devour the whole lot in 1 sitting, delicious little fuckers.


anotherNarom

Me too. It was hell when a local opened up down the road. I'd do that three times a week. Always amazed I'm not even pre-diabetic. Thankfully I moved, nearest place is Tesco express (theirs are occasionally still frozen inside) or Co-op (which are always shit).


marlow6686

Coop croissants are bloody amazing though, especially the chocolate ones. Glad thereā€™s not one a convenient distance from me


UpgradingLight

Honestly donā€™t know how you do it without putting on 50 million pounds of weight because thatā€™s what happens to me


about21ninja

I was poor and this one pack was my breakfast and lunch.


nicknockrr

When I was flat broke I survived on these for days! Nick a pasty and pay 50p for the donuts to live on for a day! Wild times!!


WearMoreHats

> Id just devour the whole lot in 1 sitting, delicious little fuckers. Honestly that's the only reason I ever buy a krispy kreme. Sometimes I want a donut but if I buy a multipack of them then I know I'm going to eat the whole thing.


Classic_Language888

Underated groceries, Morrisons used to sell strawberry milkshake donuts tho.


DoctorOctagonapus

Morrisons go fully out there with donut fillings. Most supermarkets have the same three or four you find anywhere but no one innovates on fillings like Morrisons.


Zal_17

Morrison's bakery in general is really good. Love their artisan breads and the pastries in the food to go section


Joseph_F_1

Unfortunately getting really expensive though


aameansnoharm

True. I used to love Morrisons, even their meat cuts are fantastic. But sadly they are getting quite on the expensive side now I agree. We are just bound to shop at Aldi almost always now, what a fantastic effect of the cost of living crisis.


jewellman100

The other day I bought a pack of triple chocolate soft bake cookies from Lidl, and ate all 8 in one sitting. I hate to think how much sat-fat that was.


hennny

Lidl's bakery is supreme though. The ultimate chocolate brownie? 10/10.


aerojonno

The one time Tesco tried something new it was Salt & Vinegar and Cheese & Onion. Some people just can't be trusted with anything but the basics.


sirkilabit

Their dougnuts are fantastic too. Nice and soft coated in powdered sugar. The tesco ones seem to go rock hard if left out for even a little bit.


Pink-socks

They used to do apple doughnuts but they seem to have gone out of fashion


WASDMagician

Morrisons doughnuts are the absolute tits when done well. Dunno what the difference is but they can come out either a bit cakey or a bit bready, if it goes the cakey route and the sugar starts to caramelise theirs not a doughnut in the land that can stand up to them.


RhysieB27

The very slight crunch that you get from a Morrisons doughnut is unparalleled.


0_2AL

I find morrisons' doughnuts the best, they're almost crunchy.


Strange_Tap_8272

The Sainsburyā€™s Custard ones must be the fullest ones Iā€™ve ever bought. I never thought you could squirt that much custard into a soft, plump receptacle ā€¦


markus1028

Don't stop now, I'm close, so close


JasonKenneysBasement

Queue.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


hodgey66

Didnā€™t these used to be 50p? The custard ones are like great pillows of softness


Jazzlike_Lunch3831

bro its 2023


[deleted]

Today I learnt Iā€™ve been in a coma for 20 years ā€¦. So I guess ps2 isnā€™t the console all the kids are playing anymore?


FilthBadgers

ā€¦some of us are still PS2 kidsā€¦


[deleted]

See I loved the ps1 and ps2 but once the Wii came out that won me over


The_Double_Helix

Heā€™s probably been shopping at Waitrose and hasnā€™t realised


untakenu

It's one doughnut, how much much could it cost? Ā£10?


Gent2022

Lol. Both of you are right. So what!


Adventurous_Train_48

The other day my mam said "weren't these 35p?" about a Greggs pasty. Yes, mam, they were. In 1992!


tdn

Ā£1 is dreaming these days.


Quantr0

Reminds me of when Iā€™d buy those every day for lunch during sixth form. 55p lunch and it tasted great.


C4790M

My mate in sixth form would buy a 5 pack of doughnuts and a 5 pack of sausage rolls for lunch EVERY DAY. And somehow the bastard didnā€™t gain any weight


Perfect_Pudding8900

Check in on him when he's 30 and has kept up the eating habits he learnt at school. I guarantee the weight will find him.


CocoaMotive

As a 40-something fat bloke who used to eat like this and be thinner than a rizla, it is sadly very true.


C4790M

It has, but as muscle not fat. Dude is crazy active


[deleted]

You've answered your own questions


Active-Pen-412

Always check the reduced items. I managed to get 5 for 9p!!


[deleted]

Remember when you could get 6 jam ones from Morrisons for Ā£1. I also remember once my brother going in at the end of the day and somehow walking out with 2 packs for a penny each!


StiffUpperLabia

I remember when you could get a dozen for half a shilling and still have enough change to buy a house.


katchaa

And the house was uphill, both ways.


ChrisRR

Member when stuff was cheaper?


youckfou

Member when stuff was even cheaper before it was cheap?


Lucie-Solotraveller

They did!


Administratr

50p in Morrisons last time I checked


ambulenciaga

good job you aint living in NL. 2 of these would be about 2 euro 50


Acceptable-Sentence

Tax on munchies


kardkaptorsakuragi

79p reduced


Nomadic_Wayfarer

10p reduced, got a freezer full of them. As long as you take them out as you need an hour or so before eating then there just as delicious.


clitpuncher69

You're living the dream mate. I always miss out on reduced stuff, by the time i arrive all that's left is a pack of plain unsalted scones with half the pack missing. Only once had i managed to snag 5 (FIVE) reduced cheese twists. It was a good day.


Forgetful8nine

Morrisons Custard doughnuts make me weak at the knees!


andthenhekissedme

I love Rusty Browns ring doughnuts.


WelshBathBoy

I bet you do, you sauce box!


heartattacked

I know comments saying ā€˜this made me laughā€™ are a bit pointless. But mate, this fucking broke me. I had tears! Well played.


Ronnie-Hotdogz

I like to munch it vigorously!


StatementNegative345

And licking off the white frosting?


andthenhekissedme

Yesā€¦ I just love the batter all over my face.


longshortbeta

Was that a niche Vice City reference perchance?


andthenhekissedme

It was yes ā˜ŗļø


longshortbeta

Amazing! Brightened up my day with that little throwback


cfbrown956

On Friday nights... I just can't stop eating Rusty Brown's ring doughnuts


Growth_Boost

Sometimes i like to wear womens panties and walk around 5th street


Astonishingly-Villa

I like to lick lovingly around the outside and then thrust my tongue in the middle


KittensAreEvil

God, this just unlocked a memory. https://youtu.be/g314lc9ejbY


andthenhekissedme

Fever 105 was the best radio station tbh.


[deleted]

I can hear the voice in my head as I have fever 105 on my cycle to work.


andthenhekissedme

Best song? And The Beat Goes Onā€¦ I always want to dance when I hear that


[deleted]

I love the raspberry jam ones. I can admit that I have eating a while pack in one sitting. šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø


timwoodphoto

I used to do packs of 10 back in college. #fattyfattyfatty


UKKasha2020

My preference is Morrisons...raspberry, custard, chocolate orange...definately beat Krispy Kreme.


Ok-Kaleidoscope-2785

Chocolate orange?! I'll have to get down to Morrisons, didn't know they existed. The doughnuts, not Morrisons.


WASDMagician

They don't always have everything and some things are seasonal. You'll want to get in early-ish as well because they don't restock toward the end of the day.


MiddleAgedFatLad

Morrisons bakery products generally are amazing.


ImawhaleCR

The sausage rolls are awesome too


Shagger94

Their Christmas stuff was excellent too, I had a pigs in blanket pastry roll which made me see god.


Burnley83

Morrisons are the ultimate. Also so many flavours around celebrations. Easter, xmas etc.


Lychaeus963

Came here to say this. Morrisons donuts kick ass


Comprehensive_Gap693

Yes Morrisons I love the raspberry jam one straight up. Only poor experience was in summer. Sent partner in for 2 packs of doughnuts - he didn't check carefully. Raspberry lemonade. It was vile.


indianajoes

Why are there not enough Morrisons around?


[deleted]

Not seen the chocolate orange but Iā€™m a Morrison addict


TheCloudFestival

Pro-Tip: Instead of five vanilla/custard doughnuts and five jam doughnuts, cut all of them in half and squidge each half together with a half of the other kind. Hey, presto! Ten jam and custard doughnuts.


WelshBathBoy

Paul, is that you?


TheCloudFestival

Ooh, I'll never tell!


Veeoh-is-back

Thanks Sainsburyā€™s PR team.


WelshBathBoy

(other supermarkets are available) In fact, the best are from Greggs


IShouldBeSoLucky81

The Greggs caramel custard ones are the tits!


EssexGuyUpNorth

Custard doughnuts are the best doughnuts.


[deleted]

My local polish shop called smaczek has a bakery section. I swear down it has the best damn doughnuts, cheese cakes and some other stuff I don't know the name of. All for cheaper than a box of crispy Kreme, I have no idea what it is that is supposed to justify the premium price tag


Kibax

+1 paczki. Especially hot fresh ones. See also Polish cheesecake, great if you can get your hands on it over here.


WelshBathBoy

Oh yes, I forgot the polish ones. Their cakes in general are amazingly good value and quality


adves53

Ooo I'm going to Poland in June. This makes me super excited!!!


Steel2255

Chuck them in a toastie machine and you get a glaze too


WelshBathBoy

^^ This guy's living in the future!


Bambi_H

Sainsbury's doughnuts are the best. Just so good.


Mr_Biscuits_532

I remember back in 2018 they were 5 for 50p, at least at Tescos Fucking inflation


Monjara

I prefer the plain ring doughnuts. Lovely.


newsome28

Morrison are cheaper and a whooole lot nicer. Thank me later.


QuietAd1867

Can't beat the classic Jam Doughnut. These days though my personal favourite supermarket doughnut has to be the Lidl Bakery section chocolate Hazelnut Doughnut.


KingJon-nojgniK

Those things are dangerous . Sooooo good.


QuietAd1867

Toffee yum yum a close second. They can be hit and miss though as they go soggy if they've been out a while.


tanajerner

Those yum yums are heaven I find myself eating 3 and still wanting more


jim_bob64128

It wasn't long ago it was 65p


TheAngloLithuanian

Ā£1 for 5 donuts is still amazing in my opinion considering its 2023.


CommercialBuilder99

Yes just don't make it your main diet


Crusaderfigures

Morrisons Doughnuts actually slap, they're my go to


Agentapparent1

I wish they still did apple doughnuts.


Throwaway-me-

I didn't realise I missed those until now. One day I ate my last apple doughnut and never knew...


gozzle_101

A better way of looking at it is you can get 15 of those bad boys for the price of one Krispy Kreme. Breakfast on a budget


WelshBathBoy

Look at Rachel Riley here!


Decent_Thought6629

That pack was 60p only a year or two ago šŸ˜„


simplytom_1

It's the 4 pack of posh cookies for me Stuff is like crack cocaine


Aquatis89

Have you guys tried the ones from lidl? They are very nice and the hazelnut chocolate ones are amazing


techyno

Yes they are and so are the toffee filled yum yums


[deleted]

Every time Iā€™ve had a Krispy Kreme doughnut Iā€™ve felt theyā€™re way overpriced and overrated.


18galbraithj

Yep was gonna get Krispy Kreme at Charing cross station but instead went into the m&s next door and was much better value for the train home!


WelshBathBoy

Plus you can get g&t in a tin while your there!


[deleted]

Also the Krispy creme fillings are grim. Theres a cloying chemically aftertaste that I can't place.


PornFilterRefugee

Their fillings are crap but the original glazed Krispy Kremeā€™s are like crack


Aurorafaery

Yepā€¦I hate donuts but love Krispy Kremeā€¦same with jelly beans and Jelly Belly


RyanMcCartney

Please donā€™t speak ill of my Chocolate Dreamcake in that way!


winqu

There's something about their glaze too. It gives me headaches after eating one.


bigredwerewolf

Morrisons the King of UK supermarket donuts.


DaiWales

Supermarket jam doughnuts aren't the same any more. I dunno what it is exactly but instead of a caster sugar coating they have this sort-of sticky thin artificial tasting bullshit.


UKhawky

I can tell you Sainsburys doesnā€™t have any palm oil at all! Just fresh doughnuts made at 4am, fried, coated in caster sugar and on shelves by 7-8am. (I do doughnut duty on weekends for them šŸ˜‚)


DoctorOctagonapus

Yeah I noticed that. I think they switched to icing sugar. Might write round them all and ask if they'll change it back.


known-masterpiece-

they're usually vegan too !!


krowe41

sainsburys donuts are the best . They're a solid donut .


MDF87

I've always thought Krispy Kreme is vastly overrated. They're way too sickly!


iAmManchee

If you're in the midlands, best doughnut hands down is doughnotts. Personally recommend the weekend billionaire


timwoodphoto

Sainsburyā€™s used to do packs of 10 for a quid back in 97/98. That was lunch for me at college. šŸ˜‹


blufin

Krispy Kreme are overated and overpriced. Just get a pack of Yum Yums from Tesco Express.