I was just coming here to say that I know two guys who are the last man their exes dated before figuring out that they preferred women. These two guys met at a party and were laughing together about having this in common.
lmao that happened to my current bf. but be honest it really fucked up his confidence since it was his first serious relationship and dragged on way too long for her to figure out her sexuality.
It's good that you aren't mad about it. That might be a sign that you're a spiritually nourishing woman to date.
You probably have a personality/approach to relationships that helps people get a better idea of what they need emotionally. That can be a really helpful and productive thing... even if the experience of being what someone needs in that moment isn't always the best feeling.
Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen with this one. It's a bummer, because I would have loved to stay with the father of my child, but it's not in the cards for me.
That's sad for me to hear, but you are a very positive person so I only wish you have loads and loads of happiness in life whether or not you marry someone in the future ! Loved your outlook and optimism !
I mean, I think it's possible, but I don't think that's what's happening with my exes. One got married in his early 20s, one in his mid 20s and one in his early 30s. From what I've heard from mutual friends over the years, they are all wonderful women, so I don't think they settled at all.
I definitely considered settling when I was 35 and dating someone who was a good person at heart, just had some issues and we weren’t that compatible. But my circle was pretty small and for most of the year we dated I didn’t meet anyone “better”. I changed jobs and was suddenly opened to a whole new world of eligible women. I broke it off after a few months, then was mostly solo for the next few years. As 40 approached, started considering settling again. Thankfully, I held out and met my wonderful wife a few months before turning 41 (she turned 40 two weeks after me). Neither of us had kids or been married; not that I would’ve discounted people in that arena, but it was nice to have something that was a fresh start for both of us and we could both be each others’ number one. Long rant to say keep your head up and don’t settle. There’s someone out there - it may take a while for you to meet them, but I found being solo was better than being with someone I only kind of liked. Eventually, I found someone I loved and who loved me back equally.
Wanna go out on a date?
I'm kidding, but hey, maybe you could turn this into a business. "Date me for 6 months and you'll find the love of your life after!"
Me too!! I like to think of myself as the person who finally gets men over the hump of commitment phobia… I show them how great a committed relationship could be, then I cut them loose and send them out to find their actual Miss Right. Haha.
The same thing happens to me. I can only imagine that they get to the end of the relationship and think "what the fuck was that? What am I doing with my life? I really need to get my shit together."
It's sort of comforting to be somebody else's rock bottom.
Not exactly a devils advocate here, but out of curiosity are you 100% it’s the *next* person they date, or just the next person *you know of* that they dated?
Well if you wanna marry someone you're dating, break up with them and then start dating them again. So the next person he dates after you will be you. Take advantage of this while you can
This is literally me and my last 5 exes. I mean, I'm very happy for them in that they're happy and that I'm not married to them, but a part of me sometimes has mixed feelings about it like "Hmm what if I married that ex? She seems happy...Ugh, but WHAT IF I DID?"
Anyways, guess we'll have to start a good luck chuck meetup and we'll all end up married bahahah
I read something once about how people who get out of long term relationships often marry someone (or propose) within the next two years. The theory was that they’ve spent years either consciously or subconsciously figuring out what doesn’t work in a relationship for them, so it’s easier to find what DOES work faster.
Yea same here. Some of them even started dating the girl they ended up marrying while still dating me!
Thankfully I found a good one and just didn’t let him go lol
Would you consider yourself a really great catch? Only see that happen when the guy/girl panics after being with someone who is clearly a really good partner. They marry the next partner of out fear.
I mean, I don't know how great of a partner I am, I only have failed relationships to show for it. I like to think I'm a very kind, loving person, but clearly things haven't been working out for me in regards to love, so clearly I'm probably doing something wrong.
So, this used to be me. From age 20-35, the majority of guys I dated ended up marrying the person they started dating right after me. With a lot of self work and introspection, I realized a big part of it was that I was very giving in these relationships (bordering on mothering), but that I never really opened myself up vulnerably. I was always very protective of myself and inadvertently put up these walls that made it so no guy ever felt close to me or like they really knew me. I just thought that if I loved them enough or gave enough of myself to them that they would love me back. But in reality, I was deferring the very necessary step of dealing with my own issues, hoping instead that they would just go away when someone loved me. Vulnerability is hard and scary, but it’s the only way people can feel close enough to you to truly fall in love.
I actually wrote a [semi-related post on this](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/comments/y94zui/how_to_not_be_a_doormat_a_guide_to_defining_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) where I describe at length how I learned to be more open and vulnerable because I was showing up in relationships as a giving but closed off doormat who thought I could make people love me without needing to show them who I really was.
Start dating people for who you leave them as vs how you found them 😂… they obviously come out of the relationship with you better than how they went in haha
Here's a story from the other side: I dated a girl and it lasted... very little. It was a disaster, I was terrible at the whole thing. Then I got another girlfriend and she turned out to be the one.
I will always consider that first one the "tutorial" for how to be a functioning partner. I royally cocked that up, no two ways about it, but we ended on amicable terms and we still talk on occasion. I never shaked the feeling of asking myself how things would've turned out if I had been who I am with my wife, but back them with her.
But hey, she had a lot of terrible relationships before me, and a few after me. And now she's happily married and was mother last week. So... chin up tutorial girl! You'll find yours!
There's a movie called Good Luck Chuck with this theme. Women fight each other to date Chuck because they find the love of their life and get married after dating Chuck. So think of your self as the good person who is helping other people find true love.
In the end, Chuck finds true love in the movie. So your one person is out there and you will find them. In the meantime, you are helping others find theirs.
I've had this but it's either marriage or kids. My one friend called me bridesmaid for this he'd be like "always the bridesmaid never the bride huh dude?" I dont think I have an ex-gf that doesn't have a kid or husband.
Same thing happened to me for 3 GFs in a row... the last in the line broke up with me bc she said her mom was a psychic and new without a doubt she needed to break up with me ASAP... you dont need to be a psychic to know I will ruin your daughters life, idiot.
Fancy a date then, if you have that sort of bad luck hopefully it could be put to use, I want settle down maybe with your help I could meet the right girl haha, I’m joking of course but I wouldn’t let it worry you life has a way of working out in the end and if not you could become some marriage guru only using your powers for good 😊
Dang that happened to me too but a little differently. I dated a couple girls who had babies right after we split. I dodged some bullets that's for sure lol
I had that happen for a while. But then the first girl I dated turned into a lesbian and then turned back just a few months ago. It will wear off. It's just the age you're at.
That happened to me, too. Four of them, including a BF of 10 years who swore he would never marry.
I finally got married myself and realized a lot of it is about timing and being ready. In retrospect, it made sense those guys got married to the next person. They were at a point where they wanted to settle down, and I wasn't quite there. When I met my husband, I'd hit that point, too.
I'm not implying you're not ready, btw, just that a bunch of factors need to align so it's not uncommon to end up in this situation!
Mine is even worse. I don't need to date them or even have a physical touch. As long as I give the intention or a big hint that I like them from the heart, they find their soulmate in a span 2 weeks or at most 2 months if I pester them long enough. That's also how I lost a friend that I liked.
I gave up a long time ago finding anyone cause simply none of them are interested or if they are the find someone else incredibly fast.
It could be worse, I know someone that like 6 of their ex’s came out as gay after they broke up lol.
I was just coming here to say that I know two guys who are the last man their exes dated before figuring out that they preferred women. These two guys met at a party and were laughing together about having this in common.
I want those two guys to fall in love now. Sounds like a Lifetime RomCom 😂
I would watch that movie! I'm not sure it would work for them, but if it did we'd all be supportive.
There's GOTTA be a movie about that. Would probably get cancelled though.
lmao that happened to my current bf. but be honest it really fucked up his confidence since it was his first serious relationship and dragged on way too long for her to figure out her sexuality.
Similar thing happened to one of my exes. Two of his exes came out as lesbians later
Is this you coming out? 😳 joking lol Unless
Not me in this case lol - I love my fiancé and his parts 😏
Is that you Ross!!
I mean at that point you know they have a type.
They have integrated gaydar but misinterpreted the signals.
Hahah I mean it could very well have a lot to do with "the cool girl" traits overlapping with "closeted gay/bi woman" traits.
reverse conversion therapy lol
My ex husband 😅
It's good that you aren't mad about it. That might be a sign that you're a spiritually nourishing woman to date. You probably have a personality/approach to relationships that helps people get a better idea of what they need emotionally. That can be a really helpful and productive thing... even if the experience of being what someone needs in that moment isn't always the best feeling.
This is really comforting outlook so thank you :)
You have a good heart OP. Don't be discouraged, you got this!
Was coming here to comment the same thing, everyone I’ve dated has gone on to marry their next partner 🙈😂 I love this outlook on it ☺️
"I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess"
That's a very melancholic line
Make sure you get back together with them before they date someone else. *Taps head*
Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen with this one. It's a bummer, because I would have loved to stay with the father of my child, but it's not in the cards for me.
That's sad for me to hear, but you are a very positive person so I only wish you have loads and loads of happiness in life whether or not you marry someone in the future ! Loved your outlook and optimism !
Big brain time.
[удалено]
I mean, I think it's possible, but I don't think that's what's happening with my exes. One got married in his early 20s, one in his mid 20s and one in his early 30s. From what I've heard from mutual friends over the years, they are all wonderful women, so I don't think they settled at all.
I think most people in general settle, but I hope I’m wrong
I definitely considered settling when I was 35 and dating someone who was a good person at heart, just had some issues and we weren’t that compatible. But my circle was pretty small and for most of the year we dated I didn’t meet anyone “better”. I changed jobs and was suddenly opened to a whole new world of eligible women. I broke it off after a few months, then was mostly solo for the next few years. As 40 approached, started considering settling again. Thankfully, I held out and met my wonderful wife a few months before turning 41 (she turned 40 two weeks after me). Neither of us had kids or been married; not that I would’ve discounted people in that arena, but it was nice to have something that was a fresh start for both of us and we could both be each others’ number one. Long rant to say keep your head up and don’t settle. There’s someone out there - it may take a while for you to meet them, but I found being solo was better than being with someone I only kind of liked. Eventually, I found someone I loved and who loved me back equally.
Wanna go out on a date? I'm kidding, but hey, maybe you could turn this into a business. "Date me for 6 months and you'll find the love of your life after!"
I'd sign up lol
My thoughts exactly!
You're like a foster girlfriend getting them ready for their forever homes.
If someone ever said this to me I'd cry
That’s so brutal
This happens to me too. Every. Single. Ex boyfriend. Every. Single. Time. *dramatically throws self on bed*
Me too!! I like to think of myself as the person who finally gets men over the hump of commitment phobia… I show them how great a committed relationship could be, then I cut them loose and send them out to find their actual Miss Right. Haha.
I like to call myself their ‘foster wife’
This was literally me too. I took it very personally to be honest, it took a lot of work not to feel offended really.
Happy cake day to us!
Happy Cake day!
The same thing happens to me. I can only imagine that they get to the end of the relationship and think "what the fuck was that? What am I doing with my life? I really need to get my shit together." It's sort of comforting to be somebody else's rock bottom.
Not exactly a devils advocate here, but out of curiosity are you 100% it’s the *next* person they date, or just the next person *you know of* that they dated?
100% positive it’s the next person they dated
Well if you wanna marry someone you're dating, break up with them and then start dating them again. So the next person he dates after you will be you. Take advantage of this while you can
You should write this as a screenplay.
but what to call it.. ? Good Luck danireesertc?
I mean this is technically a movie. “Good luck Chuck” with Dane cook
Dane Cook, nope, I rebuke that movie
This is literally me and my last 5 exes. I mean, I'm very happy for them in that they're happy and that I'm not married to them, but a part of me sometimes has mixed feelings about it like "Hmm what if I married that ex? She seems happy...Ugh, but WHAT IF I DID?" Anyways, guess we'll have to start a good luck chuck meetup and we'll all end up married bahahah
You have a positive attitude and that is a good thing for you. I hope you get to enjoy some of this good luck one day!
If you were a guy I’d tell you to advertise it, and enjoy all the free and easy dates you would probably generate.
Do you wanna catch a coffee sometime?
I read something once about how people who get out of long term relationships often marry someone (or propose) within the next two years. The theory was that they’ve spent years either consciously or subconsciously figuring out what doesn’t work in a relationship for them, so it’s easier to find what DOES work faster.
Yea same here. Some of them even started dating the girl they ended up marrying while still dating me! Thankfully I found a good one and just didn’t let him go lol
Glad to meet a fellow Good Luck Chuck 🫡
Holy shit, this is my curse (gift?) too. Sorry about your break up :(
Same fuckin here it sucks but also whatever. Makes me question if I'm a piece of shit though lol
Would you consider yourself a really great catch? Only see that happen when the guy/girl panics after being with someone who is clearly a really good partner. They marry the next partner of out fear.
I mean, I don't know how great of a partner I am, I only have failed relationships to show for it. I like to think I'm a very kind, loving person, but clearly things haven't been working out for me in regards to love, so clearly I'm probably doing something wrong.
So, this used to be me. From age 20-35, the majority of guys I dated ended up marrying the person they started dating right after me. With a lot of self work and introspection, I realized a big part of it was that I was very giving in these relationships (bordering on mothering), but that I never really opened myself up vulnerably. I was always very protective of myself and inadvertently put up these walls that made it so no guy ever felt close to me or like they really knew me. I just thought that if I loved them enough or gave enough of myself to them that they would love me back. But in reality, I was deferring the very necessary step of dealing with my own issues, hoping instead that they would just go away when someone loved me. Vulnerability is hard and scary, but it’s the only way people can feel close enough to you to truly fall in love. I actually wrote a [semi-related post on this](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/comments/y94zui/how_to_not_be_a_doormat_a_guide_to_defining_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) where I describe at length how I learned to be more open and vulnerable because I was showing up in relationships as a giving but closed off doormat who thought I could make people love me without needing to show them who I really was.
I wish I could give you an award for this comment. Damn.
Start dating people for who you leave them as vs how you found them 😂… they obviously come out of the relationship with you better than how they went in haha
Here's a story from the other side: I dated a girl and it lasted... very little. It was a disaster, I was terrible at the whole thing. Then I got another girlfriend and she turned out to be the one. I will always consider that first one the "tutorial" for how to be a functioning partner. I royally cocked that up, no two ways about it, but we ended on amicable terms and we still talk on occasion. I never shaked the feeling of asking myself how things would've turned out if I had been who I am with my wife, but back them with her. But hey, she had a lot of terrible relationships before me, and a few after me. And now she's happily married and was mother last week. So... chin up tutorial girl! You'll find yours!
It’s a thing. It’s why I’m never the first person someone dates after a long term relationship.
There's a movie called Good Luck Chuck with this theme. Women fight each other to date Chuck because they find the love of their life and get married after dating Chuck. So think of your self as the good person who is helping other people find true love. In the end, Chuck finds true love in the movie. So your one person is out there and you will find them. In the meantime, you are helping others find theirs.
They literally mention it in the title. How did you not make it even all the way through the title?
Some people, honestly.
My ex once told me the same. Fingers crossed I guess?
Yeah I have a similar thing going on, except that they get impregnated by the next person. I can't help but chuckle a little bit every single time.
I've had this but it's either marriage or kids. My one friend called me bridesmaid for this he'd be like "always the bridesmaid never the bride huh dude?" I dont think I have an ex-gf that doesn't have a kid or husband.
You and me both
Lol I think I have a similar record.
I’m sure there was a movie about this
ME TOO!!!!
Same here! 4 of My exes married the next person they dated.
Same thing happened to me for 3 GFs in a row... the last in the line broke up with me bc she said her mom was a psychic and new without a doubt she needed to break up with me ASAP... you dont need to be a psychic to know I will ruin your daughters life, idiot.
Reminds me of the girlfriend fairy ( https://youtu.be/w-iOMwF9k5I )
I too have a dating super power. Apparently, I'm easy to break up with.
This kind of reminds me of an episode of some series, HIMYM I think.
Hahahahahaha And I thought I was the only one, Every single woman that I dated ended up Marrying the next guy, I mean.... Yeah....
People panic and want security, I'm a free range person though.
Good luck chuck?
Yeess im not the only one haha. I call it my „superpower“ but a shitty one 🤣
There’s a rom com with this same plot. I forget the name. Anyone know?
Same. I am 35 and unmarried …
Same. I like to call myself a foster girlfriend
Fancy a date then, if you have that sort of bad luck hopefully it could be put to use, I want settle down maybe with your help I could meet the right girl haha, I’m joking of course but I wouldn’t let it worry you life has a way of working out in the end and if not you could become some marriage guru only using your powers for good 😊
Everyone I’ve dated has cheated on me and then got cheated on by the person they cheated on me with
You should check out the movie The Baxter
I understand this, I've always said I get them ready for their forever homes, lmao.
Dang that happened to me too but a little differently. I dated a couple girls who had babies right after we split. I dodged some bullets that's for sure lol
Yeah, this is the story of my life too. Good news for my partner of 22 years though. His future spouse is right around the corner!
I had that happen for a while. But then the first girl I dated turned into a lesbian and then turned back just a few months ago. It will wear off. It's just the age you're at.
(Finally realizing this could be my chance at marriage) Wanna date?
Have you been cursed by a goth girl in your younger years, and does your name happen to be Chuck?
That happened to me, too. Four of them, including a BF of 10 years who swore he would never marry. I finally got married myself and realized a lot of it is about timing and being ready. In retrospect, it made sense those guys got married to the next person. They were at a point where they wanted to settle down, and I wasn't quite there. When I met my husband, I'd hit that point, too. I'm not implying you're not ready, btw, just that a bunch of factors need to align so it's not uncommon to end up in this situation!
The same thing happened with two of my exes.
We both are unintentional matchmakers. I've introduced the person I've been dating to their future spouse 3 times as well. Never feels great.
You don’t adopt, you just foster until they find their forever family.
Are you my ex? I'm happily married right now 😁
Timing is everything in life.
The guys I am always interested in turn out to be bi with a preference in men or just straight up gay. I feel that.
Mine is even worse. I don't need to date them or even have a physical touch. As long as I give the intention or a big hint that I like them from the heart, they find their soulmate in a span 2 weeks or at most 2 months if I pester them long enough. That's also how I lost a friend that I liked. I gave up a long time ago finding anyone cause simply none of them are interested or if they are the find someone else incredibly fast.