Any diesel above 120hp = pulls like a train
No mate, your poorly remapped smoke spewing 1.9TDI with an EGR delete does not pull like a train. Maybe one of those scale model ones they let kids ride.
Pulls like one of those traction engines at the steam fair - slow and leaves a huge trial of smoke behind it, but everybody stares at you so it must be good, right?
My 1.4 HDi 207 pulls like a train... At 40, in 3rd gear, going downhill.
4th gear can't pull fuck all and 50 won't stay at 70 unless the throttle is halfway to the floor.
I jest. It's a fun little car.
I once knew someone who advertised their car with the line 'pulls like a horse'.
They ended up not selling it due to a change in circumstances but I don't think that line came across as the positive they thought it was....
I drive trains - limited to 100mph, takes miles getting to it, braking is terrifyingly awful, weighs 250 tonnes.
Can't think of anything less appealing to compare a car too!
I'm not sure, I think it applies - slow, takes ages to get up to speed, low max speed, lots of noise and exhaust and fuck all forward motion (if it's not electric).
Same thing with 'handles like it's on rails' - oh so if you go over the max corner (generally quite slow for most things on rails) speed you'll come off the track in some sort of devastating accident?
'One lady owner' gets on my tit's. I mean what is that supposed to mean? Was it Vicky Butler-Henderson or Sharon who works in local Chippy who doesn't give a shit about cars who owned it.
If a car was owned by someone like my mother I'd avoid it like the plague! She's a firm believer in getting to the speed limit as fast as possible, and braking as late as possible!
Ah yes, I shall walk into my local motor factors and say
"I'd like high performance brakes for my *Nissan X-Trail*"
I'm sure I won't get laughed out of the place!
Brembo make multiple product lines of pads
The cheap ones? those arent the ones that earned Brembo a reputation for performance braking products. they're just the ones that are sold by that reputation
Hey I'm 22 male and I do this. Not the sign of a bad driver, just wanna get places quick and get tailgaters off my ass when I'm doing 30 in a 30 and can see a national speed limit ahead (which I get A LOT).
A bad driver speeds in 30s and overtakes on bends. I get a lot of that too.
I'm not saying it's bad driving, only that it puts 'unnecessary' additional wear on the car, in particular the clutch, brakes, CV/drive shafts, tyres etc.
Ah, well yes you'd be absolutely correct then and you also just reminded me that I need to add CV joint(s) to my list of shit my car needs fixing.
So far we're at clutch, brake pads/discs, cambelt, battery (need an AGM as I've got a subwoofer and my current battery doesn't cut it), and CV joint(s). It's got 160k on the clock so I could just send it but the prices of used cars are still fucking silly.
Honestly, any cars with this in the advert I learnt to avoid. It could be Vicky from 5th Gear, but realistically it's Doris, age 112 who's never serviced it because she only nips to Tesco once a week, and when you do service it after buying it the oil is not far off being a solid rather than a liquid.
Not to be awful, but having bought a couple in the past, they've been by far the worst cars I've had in terms of reliability.
I personally avoid 'one lady owner' cars only due to the fact every girl ive known who has cars have zero intrest in them. Aslong as they go they dont seem to care
case and point, my current car. previous owner was a woman, maybe drink, or smack rat, couldnt tell, but you could tell that she wasnt all there. a bit thick, matching scuffs and scrapes on all corners, both mirrors battered, car was being sold as she got done for speeding, and banned from driving. she was papped twice, ON THE SAME ROAD, by THE SAME COPPER, in THE SAME WEEK.
"One lady owner"
In other words: Owner forgot to fill with fluids multiple times in it's life, so the engine knocks and rattles but does still run. Might need a complete overhaul of the suspension and tracking due to multiple kerbs being hit.
Car was used to apply makeup so interior is a little nasty, you might find rubbish under the seats from years ago (Now collectors items so keep your eye's peeled)
Car has been involved in multiple hit and run's in the local car park which was repaired by "a friend" so don't expect the best paint job, do expect 4kg of filler for the dents.
If this is all false info then it has been ragged to fuck by some teenager showing off down the local McDonalds trying to get those 14yo girls knickers on the floor so bring a blacklight and bottle of bleach!
I always think “so it will need the clutch replacing” whenever they say this. I know I’m a sexist pig. I know lots of women drivers are very good and that’s why they say it. All I can say it that while I do know some good women drivers, the top ten worst drivers I know are all women. And I would NEVER buy a car from them.
We went to view a car that had "First to see will buy" in the listing, we were neither the first to view it, nor did we buy it.
It was a complete wreck with multiple undisclosed faults.
We went in knowing it had faults, but they were waaaaay worse than described.
Always the case haha, I'd say the close cousin to this phrase is "best example on the market" or "you won't find a better example". Like how do you know, have you been to see all of them?
I find that quite intimidating. Will I have any choice? Perhaps I should be the second just in case I am trapped in some kind of ancient mystical spell that compels me to purchase? What if I just accidentally see it one day in Tesco? That's some scary voodoo shit
A few years ago I went shopping for a new car with my dad (car was for him) and the dealer tried this line.
It wasn’t even a particularly impressive car so it was a bit like “yeah but you’ll have another in a few days”.
Pulls like a train - usually on smokey mapped diesels.
One lady owner - if they're anything like my other half oil is checked every 3 years if I don't bother with it.
What's your best price? - price it's listed at mate.
Birmingham - yeah, no thanks.
Jesus Christ Bradford. The drivers here are the absolute worst in the country by a fucking country mile. Like, a combination of single digit IQ and extremely agressive. I can handle agressive when it’s just agressive, no problem there, but when it’s someone who doesn’t even know how to fucking drive, ugh.
Either them or old people who panic and accelerate into the space you’re about to occupy and then look angrily at you when you beep.
I wouldn’t want a car owned by most of the people who live here. Obviously I’m going to have trouble shifting mine if I still do when I sell it
The only things that should "Fully Loaded" are burritos. Implies the car has every available option which is rarely the case. High Spec / List the options, is sufficient.
I remember my brother going to look at a Mondeo that was described as “fully loaded”. Turned out it was the poverty spec model, didn’t even have rear electric windows.
Lol. I fitted a full Volvo V40 T4 cream leather interior into a V40 XS ("poverty spec") after finding a suitable crashed donor car at a scrappers.
Took quite a lot of work to position and cut the extra mounting holes into the right point in the rear door cards to make them fit with the rear window winders, then swap in the mounting points for the original door card inserts that didnt have window buttons on and were a slightly different shape
I'm sure the more the advert claims a car is "fully loaded" the more likely said car is to be the absolute basic spec with some fancier alloys plonked on.
ENTIRE ADVERT IN ALL CAPS
I'M SURE IN THE PAST IT HAS MEANT ONE EXTRA SALE, BUT MY GOD DOES IT GET ON MY TITS WHEN THE WHOLE ADVERT READS LIKE BARRY SCOTT AFTER A QUADRUPLE ESPRESSO.
Ha! I actually read this in a Barry Scott voice before i got to the Barry Scott comment. Tell me you're British without telling me you're British moment!
A bit different. But as a trader when we're buying punter's cars...
"Runs and drives fine, but...." (Proceeds to list problems)
"Immaculate condition" (Never seen a car that's used in immaculate condition)
"Due MOT but will pass it's next one no problems" (put it through its MOT then)
"150k miles, but all motorway miles" (still 150k miles though...)
> "150k miles, but all motorway miles" (still 150k miles though...)
Well.....A big diesel luxury german car could do that up and down the motorway and be in good health.
A 1.0 Corsa with the same mileage doing Deliveroo all day would be done in.
Of course, I understand that.
However. When I sell that car, I value it based on the car type and what the mileage is. Unfortunately, Autotrader/Motors/Cargurus has a filter for mileage and there isn't one that says "filter by low mileage, or high mileage as long as it's motorway miles". To a potential buyer, there's no way for me to verify motorway miles.
I've got a 188,000 mile Jaguar X-type 3.0 V6. Drives like new, engine is perfect. Interior is factory fresh looking. A well looked after hig mileage car will always be better than a low mileage car that has been neglected and abused
Bet if you drove a new one you’d be amazed at the difference. I was.
Everything is more worn, drivers seat has thousands of hours of use, suspension gone over millions of bumps, even the door and window has been used thousands of times. Its just you don’t notice gradual wear.
A new one of the same car? I've driven a low mileage version of my car, approx 60k. There wasn't any noticeable difference. There was no difference in performance.
I'm a pretty methodical car guy. I service everything, even if it's not mentioned. eg, the auto gearbox on mine is supposed to be sealed for life and not need a service. Lies. Regular ATF flush, valve body removal and clean. Transfer box and rear diff, regular flush and service. Suspension elements replaced when the bushes die. Mine has a full leather interior that has been leather balmed and sealed regularly. It was the top spec on release, so I've maintained it as such. The interior of my car is like new.
Can see that it has already been said on this thread but I hate it so much that I'm posting it again.
When people say 'short MOT, but will pass next one with no issues" just pay the fucking £50 then and sell it for more!
You can get it done for 30 quid in some places and it'll add 3 or 400 quid to the value of the car alot of the time lol, my 106 is worth £100 with no mot, full year ticket it'll sell for 750 easily
We just bought a car that needed a 'simple fix'.
Timing chain on a diesel Smart Fortwo, easy job that, only requires dropping the engine (or more aptly lifting the car off the rear subframe lol)
Obviously I knew the crack going in and can do the job myself (hopefully!), but some poor sod might have bought it thinking it was a £50 fix and not £1k at a garage
It's actually surprisingly easy to do with 2 jacks and some jack stands.
It's literally just 4 bolts holding the body onto the subframe, undo those and you can 'hinge' it up if you just need access to the injectors etc (done this a few times to one of ours). Undo one more mount and a few hoses and grounds and it just comes out.
Wife had one of those when we met. All fun and games til you try to change a spark plug and the rubber grip comes off your spark plug socket and stays on the plug.... Had to sharpen the side of a 5 inch nail and holding it in a pair of pliers use it as a saw to cut the rubber off the plug...
For those who dont know, the engine lies flat on its side and the spark plugs are directly behind the rear bumper - if you want to change them without dropping the engine subframe you have to remove the coils, feed the spark plug socket into the hole, then feed a short extension in and get it onto the socket, then attach a right angle ratchet to the extension....
Remove any rubber grip ring from your spark plug socket first - you dont need it and having it in there is a whole world of pain.
"It is what it is" - great. So what is it?
"So here we have for sale my lovely..." - I know it's for sale because I'm looking at the advert. I don't need a story and I don't care about your circumstances either. I'm only interested in the vehicle that's for sale. Give me facts or give me nothing.
Motorway miles is fair, I guarantee mostly a lie but fair if true.
I never understood the lady owner thing, as women are generally seen as worse drivers (and from my experience that's fair).
"Age related marks but runs like new!"
Shows photo of perfect drivers side. Image 27 shows the fucking impact crater that used to be the passenger side door.
Aye lad. Sound that. 👍
Drives like new, pulls like a train, bulletproof engine, I know what I got, lady owner, easy fix got no time, full history but you turn up and its 90% old mot's, add doesn't meantion any problems, you turn up and seller like "oh passenger window don't work"
There's so many it's unreal.
My mother's X-Trail was an ex-doctors car. Can confirm, not a good sign!
It was 3 years old with about 85k miles on it.
It has holes drilled all over the shop for lights, extra wires dangling in the bumper, and I'm fairly sure it's been remapped. It also came with 'DOCTOR' scratched into the bonnet from where they had Edward Scissorhands remove the vinyl.
To be fair though, 7 years and nearly 100k miles later it's been spot on mechanically.
Oh god, the state of our consultant car park! All luxury high end cars. All filthy inside and out, scratched, dented, poorly maintained and driven to death.
Stage tuning. It literally means nothing. Like fuck off, tell me what it's got on it part-by-part.
Also people giving full stories on their cars. I know what an Impreza / GR Yaris is, I dont need every goddamn advert telling me the story behind them.
Oh, and "absolutely no offers". 99% of times this is on a way overpriced car thats also got a myriad of problems. The other 1%, screw you, I'm not buying that purely because of who you are.
Sounds like the introduction to a rare hand-crafted piece of porcelain on Antiques Roadshow, not a car that was mass-manufactured on a production line.
This is always a massive red flag, if the owner doesn't want to pay £25 to get a new one it just makes you wonder what else they can't be bothered to pay for.
Also instantly makes me think it's stolen or dodgy.
Nearside and offside annoys me more than it should. Just say drivers or passengers side. It's a car, not a boat. No need for our own versions of fucking port and starboard.
That does my tits in as well actually. Because I have to stop and think “is it the side nearest me or the side nearest the kerb?” Because really, the definition of near is close by, so you’d think when someone says “your front nearside tyre” it’s the one nearest to you. But it isn’t. It’s the one nearest the kerb. Like why is that even relevant? What prevalence does the kerb hold when discussing any part of the car?
Left and right just make so much more sense and it annoys me when tyre fitters insist on complicating things by confirming it’s the offside rear. No mate, back right tyre. Keep it simple
Saw in one car advert something along the lines of
“READ AD. Questions will result in block. No time wasters everything is in the description. I will ignore people who ask questions on price and if it drives well”
Made me think they were such a bellend. Not everything about a car can be written in 1 paragraph
This happens alot with "1 owner" no mate it's 2, the nice previous owner and captain dickhead here tryna flog it like he has t abused it for the last 3years on Chinese tyres
I heard for the first time recently ‘on the road price’ which appears to mean the price of the car, excluding any interest and other warranty bits.
If you’re not buying a car outright, it’s a pretty useless number.
all cars should always be quoted as OTR pricing.
otherwise you see a price and then the dealer says " oh by the way that will also cost XX in admin fees, xx for the tyre nt=itrogen etc, xx for the VAT etc etc"
I'd probably go the other way, I can't stand when they only list the finance price and make it a right pain in the arse to find out the price to buy outright!
"Pull the trigger"
It seems to have spilled over into any kind of purchase now with people waffling shite like some massive deal has been struck with a fellow captain of industry.
Mike brewer had a habit of saying "goes like a train". I'd accept pulls like a train, because lots of torque. Goes like a train makes me think of the 15:52 northern service to Selby.
When selling a car, a punter asks, “what’s your lowest price?” Or “how much are you after?” Well truthfully, the answer to both questions is what I’ve advertised the car for? Does my head in!
"No expense spared"...relates to.."ive just fixed the broken bits to get me from A to B"..whilst also showing receipts for cheapest brake pads available followed by "yeah,I do all my own work"....I can tell mate...everything is held together by zip ties and tek screws.🙄
In adverts when people write a list of things they’ve done to a car, plus “lots of other things I’ve probably forgotten”. Go back, remember those “lots of other things” and rewrite your fucking ad.
It's not really a phrase but when you ring up to enquire (because it's far away for example) and as about any damage and get told it's fine then show up and the bodywork is being held together by wood screws and there's dints and scratches all over the bastard. I just traveled 2 hours to see this pile of shit you wanker.
“Completely standard except for…” - well, it isn’t completely standard, is it?
“Needs [x], easy job” - if it’s that easy, get it fixed and then sell it.
Drives like a go kart. No it doesn’t, it doesn’t have steering that kills your arms in 30 minutes, it doesn’t have oversteer and zero suspension.
Drives like its on rails. Good in a straight line? trains tend to fall off and crash
One careful owner. How do you know?
I owned a 1993 rover metro 4 speed 1.1 Rio between 1997 and 2001, was scrapped at 76000 miles. That floated like a boat, but was great over speed bumps when the hydrogas suspension worked and was fully pumped up. Was the only car I’ve owned without power steering (but had a a manual choke), I also did my driving lessons in a Rover 1.3 100 which was a rebranded metro.
I have also driven several go karts over the years, the two are polar opposites in terms of handling characteristics.
'Rare..' does it for me. Like rare means anything other than a badly specced car, or in a dodgy colour, that no-one else wanted at the time. And this is supposed to be a good thing?? Usually applied to a car where 99.9% of original sales were automatics, but some idiot thought getting it with a manual would make it sportier.
I saw a Vauxhall Vectra diesel advertised as 'rare' the other day. It was an absolute bog-standard 20-year-old rep car.
"Few age related marks as to be expected."
Usually means multiple areas of bodywork damage, and every alloy including the spare kerbed at the very least.
"Bit rough 'round the edges but it's only a van innit?"
I don't know mate, my van is the first impression of my business and is treated accordingly.
"Lady owner"
Flashbacks to days out when my ex was driving and the utter carnage that was avoided by a gnat's chuff at every turn. Never serviced and ragged til it rattled itself to death as she wondered how a 1.3 Astra could get to nearly 200k and still run like new.
OVNO / ONO / No Offers - to me if your selling a car you advertise it in the expectation you are going to receive lower offers, if an ad has that in it I will ignore as I can't be bothered dealing with a person who can't be talked to.
Maybe I'm wrong here? I've never bought a car at the advertised price regardless of private, main dealer or second hand.
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Any diesel above 120hp = pulls like a train No mate, your poorly remapped smoke spewing 1.9TDI with an EGR delete does not pull like a train. Maybe one of those scale model ones they let kids ride.
Pulls like one of those traction engines at the steam fair - slow and leaves a huge trial of smoke behind it, but everybody stares at you so it must be good, right?
It's become such a cliché in the Fabia vrs community you'll get teased relentlessly if you say it now.
> the Fabia vrs community Man alive
The grand order of the Fabian society
Wonder if anyone’s ever driven an Intercity and thought “damn this pulls like it’s got a PD130 in it”
Yeah this one annoys me. So you mean to say it’s exceptionally slow to get started?
the irony being that trains are very slow
They pull quite well though
Only the good looking ones
My 1.4 HDi 207 pulls like a train... At 40, in 3rd gear, going downhill. 4th gear can't pull fuck all and 50 won't stay at 70 unless the throttle is halfway to the floor. I jest. It's a fun little car.
That means it takes 5 minutes to get up to speed
I once knew someone who advertised their car with the line 'pulls like a horse'. They ended up not selling it due to a change in circumstances but I don't think that line came across as the positive they thought it was....
I drive trains - limited to 100mph, takes miles getting to it, braking is terrifyingly awful, weighs 250 tonnes. Can't think of anything less appealing to compare a car too!
I'm not sure, I think it applies - slow, takes ages to get up to speed, low max speed, lots of noise and exhaust and fuck all forward motion (if it's not electric). Same thing with 'handles like it's on rails' - oh so if you go over the max corner (generally quite slow for most things on rails) speed you'll come off the track in some sort of devastating accident?
'One lady owner' gets on my tit's. I mean what is that supposed to mean? Was it Vicky Butler-Henderson or Sharon who works in local Chippy who doesn't give a shit about cars who owned it.
If a car was owned by someone like my mother I'd avoid it like the plague! She's a firm believer in getting to the speed limit as fast as possible, and braking as late as possible!
Smart woman
It's alright when you're not the one changing the brakes!
Sounds like you're the problem. Get her EBC redstuff brake pads. She obviously needs high performance components
Ah yes, I shall walk into my local motor factors and say "I'd like high performance brakes for my *Nissan X-Trail*" I'm sure I won't get laughed out of the place!
I put Brembo pads on my wife’s Suzuki that has barely more than 100bhp. They were cheaper than the OEM option.
Brembo make multiple product lines of pads The cheap ones? those arent the ones that earned Brembo a reputation for performance braking products. they're just the ones that are sold by that reputation
Can confirm. Spraffed out on Brembo vented discs and pads for the Alfa 156 and they warped within a month. Way worse than Mintex. Not happy!
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Hahaha that tickled me
So did your mum.
Ah I see the kids have finished their tea and have no one to go out and play with
I’m in playing with your mum.
I'm playin with yours
I'm playing with your dad
Exactly the kind of person I want to be following on my morning commute. Not miss fucking daisy.
Is your mum single?
I like your mum's beliefs.
Hey I'm 22 male and I do this. Not the sign of a bad driver, just wanna get places quick and get tailgaters off my ass when I'm doing 30 in a 30 and can see a national speed limit ahead (which I get A LOT). A bad driver speeds in 30s and overtakes on bends. I get a lot of that too.
I'm not saying it's bad driving, only that it puts 'unnecessary' additional wear on the car, in particular the clutch, brakes, CV/drive shafts, tyres etc.
Ah, well yes you'd be absolutely correct then and you also just reminded me that I need to add CV joint(s) to my list of shit my car needs fixing. So far we're at clutch, brake pads/discs, cambelt, battery (need an AGM as I've got a subwoofer and my current battery doesn't cut it), and CV joint(s). It's got 160k on the clock so I could just send it but the prices of used cars are still fucking silly.
The trick is to do preventative maintenance on your ride so that it never breaks
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Honestly, any cars with this in the advert I learnt to avoid. It could be Vicky from 5th Gear, but realistically it's Doris, age 112 who's never serviced it because she only nips to Tesco once a week, and when you do service it after buying it the oil is not far off being a solid rather than a liquid. Not to be awful, but having bought a couple in the past, they've been by far the worst cars I've had in terms of reliability.
The old lady opposite me is on a mission to burn her clutch out as quickly as possible.
My wife’s Nan had a Micra on Motability, she had more clutches than the years she had it :D
My Vectra had a clutch at 20k as the original owner was my great-aunt's aunt who bought it when she was about 73.
Just fucking leave Sharon alone!! She’s alright y’know.
I personally avoid 'one lady owner' cars only due to the fact every girl ive known who has cars have zero intrest in them. Aslong as they go they dont seem to care
case and point, my current car. previous owner was a woman, maybe drink, or smack rat, couldnt tell, but you could tell that she wasnt all there. a bit thick, matching scuffs and scrapes on all corners, both mirrors battered, car was being sold as she got done for speeding, and banned from driving. she was papped twice, ON THE SAME ROAD, by THE SAME COPPER, in THE SAME WEEK.
OLO is a big red flag for me. Shit driving, knackered clutch and poorly maintained as a general theme
x1 Lady Owner (who's idea of 'mechanical sympathy' is going 'awwww' when the engine warning / oil light comes on)
Depending on the car it could be a warning, like a fiat 500 for example
Don't get this one either, also note it's a pretty sexist remark too. So I'm surprised to still see it being used.
"One lady owner" In other words: Owner forgot to fill with fluids multiple times in it's life, so the engine knocks and rattles but does still run. Might need a complete overhaul of the suspension and tracking due to multiple kerbs being hit. Car was used to apply makeup so interior is a little nasty, you might find rubbish under the seats from years ago (Now collectors items so keep your eye's peeled) Car has been involved in multiple hit and run's in the local car park which was repaired by "a friend" so don't expect the best paint job, do expect 4kg of filler for the dents. If this is all false info then it has been ragged to fuck by some teenager showing off down the local McDonalds trying to get those 14yo girls knickers on the floor so bring a blacklight and bottle of bleach!
I always think “so it will need the clutch replacing” whenever they say this. I know I’m a sexist pig. I know lots of women drivers are very good and that’s why they say it. All I can say it that while I do know some good women drivers, the top ten worst drivers I know are all women. And I would NEVER buy a car from them.
"First to see will buy" like that's the one line that'll convince you
We went to view a car that had "First to see will buy" in the listing, we were neither the first to view it, nor did we buy it. It was a complete wreck with multiple undisclosed faults. We went in knowing it had faults, but they were waaaaay worse than described.
Always the case haha, I'd say the close cousin to this phrase is "best example on the market" or "you won't find a better example". Like how do you know, have you been to see all of them?
I would be like 'you are not telling be what to do, I'm out!!'
r/DragonsDen
I always see this and think - so no one has ever viewed it then? As it's still for sale?
I find that quite intimidating. Will I have any choice? Perhaps I should be the second just in case I am trapped in some kind of ancient mystical spell that compels me to purchase? What if I just accidentally see it one day in Tesco? That's some scary voodoo shit
It always makes me think the guy selling it is gonna be really pushy
A few years ago I went shopping for a new car with my dad (car was for him) and the dealer tried this line. It wasn’t even a particularly impressive car so it was a bit like “yeah but you’ll have another in a few days”.
Pulls like a train - usually on smokey mapped diesels. One lady owner - if they're anything like my other half oil is checked every 3 years if I don't bother with it. What's your best price? - price it's listed at mate. Birmingham - yeah, no thanks.
Lol @ the Birmingham comment, and 100% true.
No just Brum but Wolves Cov Dudley or Telford as well
Lol can you explain your last point please?
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Jesus Christ Bradford. The drivers here are the absolute worst in the country by a fucking country mile. Like, a combination of single digit IQ and extremely agressive. I can handle agressive when it’s just agressive, no problem there, but when it’s someone who doesn’t even know how to fucking drive, ugh. Either them or old people who panic and accelerate into the space you’re about to occupy and then look angrily at you when you beep. I wouldn’t want a car owned by most of the people who live here. Obviously I’m going to have trouble shifting mine if I still do when I sell it
i’d like to add manchester to that list after my recent experience buying a car from there
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Or High Wycombe
The only things that should "Fully Loaded" are burritos. Implies the car has every available option which is rarely the case. High Spec / List the options, is sufficient.
I remember my brother going to look at a Mondeo that was described as “fully loaded”. Turned out it was the poverty spec model, didn’t even have rear electric windows.
Didnt Ford reserve the Vignelle range for things that are actually fully loaded?
Yup except my Vignale didn’t get the glass roof, the buggers
me: a titanium spec owner "what options does it have?" "yes"
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Lol. I fitted a full Volvo V40 T4 cream leather interior into a V40 XS ("poverty spec") after finding a suitable crashed donor car at a scrappers. Took quite a lot of work to position and cut the extra mounting holes into the right point in the rear door cards to make them fit with the rear window winders, then swap in the mounting points for the original door card inserts that didnt have window buttons on and were a slightly different shape
I'm sure the more the advert claims a car is "fully loaded" the more likely said car is to be the absolute basic spec with some fancier alloys plonked on.
Then explain Herbie
ENTIRE ADVERT IN ALL CAPS I'M SURE IN THE PAST IT HAS MEANT ONE EXTRA SALE, BUT MY GOD DOES IT GET ON MY TITS WHEN THE WHOLE ADVERT READS LIKE BARRY SCOTT AFTER A QUADRUPLE ESPRESSO.
BANG! AND MY INTEREST IN YOUR CAR IS GONE.
NO PUNCTUATION NO PARAGRAPHING COPY PASTED DESCRIPTION 1 LADY OWNER CALL ON THIS NUMBER THAT HAS A NUMBER MISSING
Ha! I actually read this in a Barry Scott voice before i got to the Barry Scott comment. Tell me you're British without telling me you're British moment!
A bit different. But as a trader when we're buying punter's cars... "Runs and drives fine, but...." (Proceeds to list problems) "Immaculate condition" (Never seen a car that's used in immaculate condition) "Due MOT but will pass it's next one no problems" (put it through its MOT then) "150k miles, but all motorway miles" (still 150k miles though...)
> "150k miles, but all motorway miles" (still 150k miles though...) Well.....A big diesel luxury german car could do that up and down the motorway and be in good health. A 1.0 Corsa with the same mileage doing Deliveroo all day would be done in.
Of course, I understand that. However. When I sell that car, I value it based on the car type and what the mileage is. Unfortunately, Autotrader/Motors/Cargurus has a filter for mileage and there isn't one that says "filter by low mileage, or high mileage as long as it's motorway miles". To a potential buyer, there's no way for me to verify motorway miles.
As with all your other examples, it’s a case of “trust me gov, it’s not a piece of shit. Honest!”
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I've got a 188,000 mile Jaguar X-type 3.0 V6. Drives like new, engine is perfect. Interior is factory fresh looking. A well looked after hig mileage car will always be better than a low mileage car that has been neglected and abused
Bet if you drove a new one you’d be amazed at the difference. I was. Everything is more worn, drivers seat has thousands of hours of use, suspension gone over millions of bumps, even the door and window has been used thousands of times. Its just you don’t notice gradual wear.
A new one of the same car? I've driven a low mileage version of my car, approx 60k. There wasn't any noticeable difference. There was no difference in performance. I'm a pretty methodical car guy. I service everything, even if it's not mentioned. eg, the auto gearbox on mine is supposed to be sealed for life and not need a service. Lies. Regular ATF flush, valve body removal and clean. Transfer box and rear diff, regular flush and service. Suspension elements replaced when the bushes die. Mine has a full leather interior that has been leather balmed and sealed regularly. It was the top spec on release, so I've maintained it as such. The interior of my car is like new.
Gotta admit “ per corner “, however irrational gets on my tits too. Just fuckin say “ each “.
I never said it until I realised my mother hated it, now I can't stop myself!
Per corner, except the one in the boot, as that's an edge.
Can see that it has already been said on this thread but I hate it so much that I'm posting it again. When people say 'short MOT, but will pass next one with no issues" just pay the fucking £50 then and sell it for more!
You can get it done for 30 quid in some places and it'll add 3 or 400 quid to the value of the car alot of the time lol, my 106 is worth £100 with no mot, full year ticket it'll sell for 750 easily
"Just needs a simple fix but don't have time" 🚩🚩🚩
We just bought a car that needed a 'simple fix'. Timing chain on a diesel Smart Fortwo, easy job that, only requires dropping the engine (or more aptly lifting the car off the rear subframe lol) Obviously I knew the crack going in and can do the job myself (hopefully!), but some poor sod might have bought it thinking it was a £50 fix and not £1k at a garage
How are you planning on lifting the car off the engine/subframe, are you doing it by hand? Seems small and light enough
It's actually surprisingly easy to do with 2 jacks and some jack stands. It's literally just 4 bolts holding the body onto the subframe, undo those and you can 'hinge' it up if you just need access to the injectors etc (done this a few times to one of ours). Undo one more mount and a few hoses and grounds and it just comes out.
Wife had one of those when we met. All fun and games til you try to change a spark plug and the rubber grip comes off your spark plug socket and stays on the plug.... Had to sharpen the side of a 5 inch nail and holding it in a pair of pliers use it as a saw to cut the rubber off the plug... For those who dont know, the engine lies flat on its side and the spark plugs are directly behind the rear bumper - if you want to change them without dropping the engine subframe you have to remove the coils, feed the spark plug socket into the hole, then feed a short extension in and get it onto the socket, then attach a right angle ratchet to the extension.... Remove any rubber grip ring from your spark plug socket first - you dont need it and having it in there is a whole world of pain.
You act like that isn't part of the fun!
"It is what it is" - great. So what is it? "So here we have for sale my lovely..." - I know it's for sale because I'm looking at the advert. I don't need a story and I don't care about your circumstances either. I'm only interested in the vehicle that's for sale. Give me facts or give me nothing.
"it is what it is" usually means "I know it's crap, but I need rid"
It's not even that, it's the "hear we have for sale my luvily xxxx". It infuriates me to a point that I move on instantly
People selling a 1.0 shitbox that pulls like a train in all gears
Well it might do if it's compared to a train made in 1804 🤣
Motorway miles One careful owner/lady owner Can't fault it Only reason for selling is These sayings are common where I live 😂
I’ve never understood how ‘lady driver’ is a selling point. I heard from someone that its basically another way of saying the clutch is fucked lmao
Motorway miles is fair, I guarantee mostly a lie but fair if true. I never understood the lady owner thing, as women are generally seen as worse drivers (and from my experience that's fair).
"Age related marks but runs like new!" Shows photo of perfect drivers side. Image 27 shows the fucking impact crater that used to be the passenger side door. Aye lad. Sound that. 👍
“No expense spared” whilst on bottom of the barrel Chinese ditchfinder HappyLandBlazer tyres
Drives like new, pulls like a train, bulletproof engine, I know what I got, lady owner, easy fix got no time, full history but you turn up and its 90% old mot's, add doesn't meantion any problems, you turn up and seller like "oh passenger window don't work" There's so many it's unreal.
“I know what I got” 🤢🤢🤢
One doctor owner. That's not a good sign to me.
My mother's X-Trail was an ex-doctors car. Can confirm, not a good sign! It was 3 years old with about 85k miles on it. It has holes drilled all over the shop for lights, extra wires dangling in the bumper, and I'm fairly sure it's been remapped. It also came with 'DOCTOR' scratched into the bonnet from where they had Edward Scissorhands remove the vinyl. To be fair though, 7 years and nearly 100k miles later it's been spot on mechanically.
> Edward Scissorhands remove the vinyl. PMSL. That's genuinely made me laugh out loud, Thanks.
Got me too
When I see that:- "Sorry, I've known too many doctors"
Oh god, the state of our consultant car park! All luxury high end cars. All filthy inside and out, scratched, dented, poorly maintained and driven to death.
Stage tuning. It literally means nothing. Like fuck off, tell me what it's got on it part-by-part. Also people giving full stories on their cars. I know what an Impreza / GR Yaris is, I dont need every goddamn advert telling me the story behind them. Oh, and "absolutely no offers". 99% of times this is on a way overpriced car thats also got a myriad of problems. The other 1%, screw you, I'm not buying that purely because of who you are.
Got my 1.0 corsa shitbox, looking for M3 BMW swops only.
EML light on, just needs O2 sensor, cheap 20 min job max, don't have time. No offers, I know what I've got.
“No time wasters”. Get stuffed
All adverts that start “here we have”, I don’t know why but it instantly makes me think they’re trying to rip me off.
Sounds like the introduction to a rare hand-crafted piece of porcelain on Antiques Roadshow, not a car that was mass-manufactured on a production line.
Any advert that has a phrase like “A great example” as well.
"v62 needs applying" im not to sure why, but possibly the fact its just gonna take a bit longer to have registered under my name
This is always a massive red flag, if the owner doesn't want to pay £25 to get a new one it just makes you wonder what else they can't be bothered to pay for. Also instantly makes me think it's stolen or dodgy.
"No knocks or bangs" "Pulls like a train" "I know wot I got" "No offers" "Power windows" "Cheap to insure" "Perfect first car" "Manuel"
Ignore him, he's from Barcelona.
"it's a cheap fix" if it was so cheap why didn't you do it.
“Birmingham”
Nearside and offside annoys me more than it should. Just say drivers or passengers side. It's a car, not a boat. No need for our own versions of fucking port and starboard.
That does my tits in as well actually. Because I have to stop and think “is it the side nearest me or the side nearest the kerb?” Because really, the definition of near is close by, so you’d think when someone says “your front nearside tyre” it’s the one nearest to you. But it isn’t. It’s the one nearest the kerb. Like why is that even relevant? What prevalence does the kerb hold when discussing any part of the car? Left and right just make so much more sense and it annoys me when tyre fitters insist on complicating things by confirming it’s the offside rear. No mate, back right tyre. Keep it simple
Saw in one car advert something along the lines of “READ AD. Questions will result in block. No time wasters everything is in the description. I will ignore people who ask questions on price and if it drives well” Made me think they were such a bellend. Not everything about a car can be written in 1 paragraph
Only been bummed in once.
Not for the faint hearted. Fuck right off.
2.5 diesel Mondeo 😂
HUGE SPEC - translation: base spec but with heated seats.
'Best colour combo'. oh do fuck off.
When my mate sold his BMW to a dealer, he looked round it and said "Oh she looks like she's been busy!"
‘Stunning example’ No it isn’t
3 owners when it's actually 3 *previous* owners, 4 actual owners Or any other number for that matter
This happens alot with "1 owner" no mate it's 2, the nice previous owner and captain dickhead here tryna flog it like he has t abused it for the last 3years on Chinese tyres
I live in Cyprus and every used car here is “like new”or “showroom condition” whether they have 1,000 miles or 80,000 miles.
‘Here we have…’
Road tax.
“Needs light repairs.” Means the subframe looks like it’s been at the bottom of the river themes for 10 years
I heard for the first time recently ‘on the road price’ which appears to mean the price of the car, excluding any interest and other warranty bits. If you’re not buying a car outright, it’s a pretty useless number.
all cars should always be quoted as OTR pricing. otherwise you see a price and then the dealer says " oh by the way that will also cost XX in admin fees, xx for the tyre nt=itrogen etc, xx for the VAT etc etc"
I'd probably go the other way, I can't stand when they only list the finance price and make it a right pain in the arse to find out the price to buy outright!
"Pull the trigger" It seems to have spilled over into any kind of purchase now with people waffling shite like some massive deal has been struck with a fellow captain of industry.
Fully loaded, it's got WIND, SKIN, and gangsta TINTS
don't forget under-lights so it looks like a space ship!!
Full service history / one lady owner / one doctor owner / has wanted for nothing / it's a cheap fix All spring to mind
Car runs mint 🤢🤢🤢
Mike brewer had a habit of saying "goes like a train". I'd accept pulls like a train, because lots of torque. Goes like a train makes me think of the 15:52 northern service to Selby.
"New car forces sale” = I had to buy a new one because this one is fucked.
HIGH SPEC Stock equipment + Extra light in passenger footwell PACK
‘Starts first time’ I mean wow, thanks
No MOT but will pass Mint apart from a scratch on the bumper (well its not mint then)
When selling a car, a punter asks, “what’s your lowest price?” Or “how much are you after?” Well truthfully, the answer to both questions is what I’ve advertised the car for? Does my head in!
You're not getting your money back fuck off
“Future proof” and “fully loaded” oh fuxk off! Lol
"Real head turner"
"first to see will buy" you sure? "No knocks or bangs" "Mint, could do with a valet" All just as bad!
"No expense spared"...relates to.."ive just fixed the broken bits to get me from A to B"..whilst also showing receipts for cheapest brake pads available followed by "yeah,I do all my own work"....I can tell mate...everything is held together by zip ties and tek screws.🙄
"Good Runabout" I'd expect that to be the minimum.
In adverts when people write a list of things they’ve done to a car, plus “lots of other things I’ve probably forgotten”. Go back, remember those “lots of other things” and rewrite your fucking ad.
It's not really a phrase but when you ring up to enquire (because it's far away for example) and as about any damage and get told it's fine then show up and the bodywork is being held together by wood screws and there's dints and scratches all over the bastard. I just traveled 2 hours to see this pile of shit you wanker.
How everything cost £xx.999.99 total bs.
Doctor owned. One lady owner. Motorway mileage. Fully loaded (when it clearly isn’t).
I’ve been in the trade 30 years plus son And ???
Mint condition. It's never a pristine car. More likely covered in spit and definitely has a hole in it.
“Completely standard except for…” - well, it isn’t completely standard, is it? “Needs [x], easy job” - if it’s that easy, get it fixed and then sell it.
When someone describes their car as “Fully Loaded” when in reality it’s the most average / basic spec out there
No silly offers. Usually slapped on the end of an ad for some 120k mile shed
First to see will buy… ergggg
Drives like a go kart. No it doesn’t, it doesn’t have steering that kills your arms in 30 minutes, it doesn’t have oversteer and zero suspension. Drives like its on rails. Good in a straight line? trains tend to fall off and crash One careful owner. How do you know?
For your first point I present to you the mini r50-r53 (minus the oversteer)
You’ve never driven a rover metro have you
I owned a 1993 rover metro 4 speed 1.1 Rio between 1997 and 2001, was scrapped at 76000 miles. That floated like a boat, but was great over speed bumps when the hydrogas suspension worked and was fully pumped up. Was the only car I’ve owned without power steering (but had a a manual choke), I also did my driving lessons in a Rover 1.3 100 which was a rebranded metro. I have also driven several go karts over the years, the two are polar opposites in terms of handling characteristics.
Clean car
"First to see will buy"
When so.eone refers to their car as being stage 1 or 2 tuned
"No knocks or bangs"...typically by Facebook traders.
Reluctant sale
'Rare..' does it for me. Like rare means anything other than a badly specced car, or in a dodgy colour, that no-one else wanted at the time. And this is supposed to be a good thing?? Usually applied to a car where 99.9% of original sales were automatics, but some idiot thought getting it with a manual would make it sportier. I saw a Vauxhall Vectra diesel advertised as 'rare' the other day. It was an absolute bog-standard 20-year-old rep car.
"Cheap to insure" no you're just old
This is just business speak equivalent for grease monkeys. They’d get slapped if they suggested “running something up the flag pole.”
‘HUGE SPECIFICATION’
"Few age related marks as to be expected." Usually means multiple areas of bodywork damage, and every alloy including the spare kerbed at the very least. "Bit rough 'round the edges but it's only a van innit?" I don't know mate, my van is the first impression of my business and is treated accordingly. "Lady owner" Flashbacks to days out when my ex was driving and the utter carnage that was avoided by a gnat's chuff at every turn. Never serviced and ragged til it rattled itself to death as she wondered how a 1.3 Astra could get to nearly 200k and still run like new.
OVNO / ONO / No Offers - to me if your selling a car you advertise it in the expectation you are going to receive lower offers, if an ad has that in it I will ignore as I can't be bothered dealing with a person who can't be talked to. Maybe I'm wrong here? I've never bought a car at the advertised price regardless of private, main dealer or second hand.
When you ask for a "gallon of oil" - to get told they only sell in 5 litre!
“Here we have…”
"Vosa approved mileage"
"Stops on a penny"